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Bruce was working on a report for Lucius when he felt… something shift.
Something was going on with one of his kids. Jason or Dick had gotten into something that they shouldn’t have - Bruce just knew it.
Dick was who-knows-where doing who-knows-what with who-knows-who because he was mad at Bruce for who-knows-what and would probably screech at him so loudly he’d hurt his voice again and then Clark would be upset with him too.
But Jason still liked him so far, and he was still in Gotham too. So Bruce could track down Jason and check on one of his sons - even if Bruce was certain that it was Dick who had gotten into the shenanigans - whatever they were.
It was probably that Roy and Wally had dared Dick to jump off a skyscraper again.
… Maybe Bruce should ask Clark to keep an ear out in case Dick decided to jump off without his grappling hook…
Again.
Jason was apparently out as Robin, which Bruce didn’t know until it was too late. Too late as in he went to Jason in his civilian attire; and with Selina, Harley, Ivy, and another civilian child having already spotted him Bruce wouldn’t be able to slip away to don the Batsuit.
Bruce didn’t really think that he needed it, however, due to the fact that Dr. Quinn was braiding Dr. Isley’s hair, while Jason was braiding Dr. Quinn’s. Selina and the child were playing in a pile of small kittens and Dr. Quinn’s two hyenas.
If Bruce had happened upon this scene without having been spotted, he would have pinched his nose. Why his life was like this; he would never know. This was not what he had set out to end up becoming when he had left Alfred’s care all those years ago.
Maybe he could blame Talia for what his life had become…
The unknown child, whom Bruce didn’t think was in any danger, hunched in on himself when Bruce appeared - as though he was afraid or worried about Bruce. It caused Selina to glare at him, though she did end up pausing in confusion when she saw it was him.
It did not cause Harley or Ivy to stop glaring at him, so he did the only thing he could think to do in this situation -
Brucie beamed at them, and he flounced over to join them.
Idly, Bruce counted no less than four cameras that had a good shot of the meeting that was taking place.
Which was good for when he would go back and ensure that nothing bad had happened to cause his Parent Senses to go off.
But bad for the fact that Batgirl was going to send Selina a recording of Brucie interacting with the five. She was never going to let him live this down.
“A braiding party! How wonderful! I haven’t been part of one since I was in college!” Brucie beamed. “May I join you extraordinary beings?”
Selina looked like she had hurt something, struggling not to laugh as she was. The child was still nervous, but had uncurled - Bruce hoped that Harley wasn’t going to send her hyenas after him.
Everyone knew Brucie was harmless after all.
“Yeah, you can join.” Jason nodded, surprising him. “You’re Brucie Wayne; you took in some kid you found in a dumpster, right?”
“My Jay-lad! My clever youngest! I did indeed take in a child, and he’s as wonderful as his older brother!” Bruce beamed wider, sitting down in their little group. One of the kittens, a plump blueish one that had been trying to eat one of the hyena's ears, abandoned its play to come and climb up his leg. Bruce cooed at the little thing, only playing up how cute he found it a little bit. “They keep me on my toes! My sons; so brilliant. They must get it from their birth parents.”
Jason, Robin, scowled - but Bruce knew it was because he was blushing. “Yeah, yeah - whatever. Look, I was out with Catwoman learnin’ some things, when I saw this small fry fall off a building three buildings down. Couldn’t do shit about it, but Ivy caught him in some o’ her vines. She and Harley snuggled him while he was panickin’ ‘til Cat and I got over there. Then I was sat down so we could cuddle while they went to get reinforcements - anyway, turns out he was takin’ pics of a smugglin’ ring that he’s been following because he ain’t got no one to watch him and his school don’t keep a good enough eye on ‘im.
“So now you can take him.” Jason nodded once, as though it was decided.
Bruce… wasn’t exactly sure what had been decided.
“What do you mean? You said so much so fast I got lost.” Bruce winced, more dramatically than normal, as the kitten reached his shoulder.
By the end of this, Bruce was certain that he was going to walk away with at least one more child, and one more kitten.
… He wondered if he’d have time to warn Alfred before they all showed up on his doorstep or not.
“The little one's name is Tim Drake. His parents are in Norway, which wouldn’t be a very big problem since they left him in the care of the school. However,” Selina turned to look at the child, Tim, who was studying one of the kittens very intently. “Tim has decided that it’s more fun to go exploring Gotham on his own with his expensive camera equipment on display - putting himself in a great deal of danger every night. He fell today, not for the first time, and was just lucky that Harley and Pam were there to be his safety net.”
“And what our pretty kitty is leaving out, is that the school does call and leave messages with his parents - but they never get back to the school. So long as Tim keeps his grades up and does the extras they sign him up for, they don’t care.” Harley seemed remarkably centered and focused for once. Bruce tucked that information away to examine at a later date.
“The reinforcements we went and got were cute and cuddly things, because what child doesn’t like animal snuggles after almost getting hurt and swooning from the fear?” Ivy smiled down at little Tim. “He was alright though, was able to answer how many fingers we were holding up and answer correctly so we know he wasn’t hurt in his little tumble.”
How Harley’s two hyenas, that Bruce knew could in fact rip humans apart, were cute and cuddly Bruce would never know.
Right now, as Brucie, the room was spinning and he was just trying to fill in the gaps. Brucie wasn’t made to be able to handle this sort of mess.
He was created to handle the political messes without anyone remembering that Bruce had gotten into - and easily at that - medical school.
“S’long as he’s not bringin’ bad things to their name they don’t care ‘bout him.” Jason scowled more. “So now you get to take ‘im in and adopt him like the last one.”
“I don’t know if it works like that, Robin.” Brucie sighed, loudly and sadly. “Last time my wonderful son had no parents at all. He was all alone, so when Batman left him in my care I was able to take him in. But if Batman isn’t putting Tim in my care, I don’t know if I can just adopt him. I just don’t know enough about all of that to know if I can just take him in.”
“You take him in, Wayne. We’ll handle the rest.” Ivy exchanged a look with Selina and Harley as Jason beamed. Bruce felt a shiver go down his spine.
And yet, somehow - this didn’t feel like the shenanigans that he had felt like his children had been getting up to.
Bruce, as he gathered his new child and the nameless kitten to take home, wondered what Dick was currently up to and if he could ask him without Dick throwing himself out of a window…
Again.