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“I’m done trying to help you. I quit!” He said before the front door slammed shut, with such aggression that the windows vibrated. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t chase after him and beg him to stay. I couldn’t do anything but stand there as I watched my life crash down all around me. I was paralysed with shock, fear, sadness, I don’t even know. I just know that despite my mind begging me to run upstairs and bury myself under my cover, my body wouldn’t listen. Sharp, needle-like claws dug into my exposed ankles, and even this couldn’t get me to do anything. There was nothing I could do, no matter how I wished I could apologise and smooth this whole thing over, I knew that would never work. He was gone, and he was never going to come back.
By the time I came back to myself, it was starting to get dark out, and the treefrogs and crickets had emerged following the start of the evening. A loud rumbling sound erupted from my stomach, letting me know I had been standing there for at least a couple of hours. As much as my stomach cried out for food, I just couldn’t bring myself to have an appetite. How could my stomach think about eating at a time like this? It was acting like one of the best things to ever happen to me, hadn’t just stormed out of our home because of me and he likely wasn’t ever coming back.
I found myself trudging up the stairs and into my bedroom, and flopping down onto my unmade bed. Quickly I buried myself under the plethora of blankets that were strewn across my bed. Once fully concealed from the outside world, and lying in complete darkness I let myself cry. I let myself mourn the end of our relationship. Words he had said earlier in our argument came to mind. ‘I can’t do this anymore man. I can’t watch as you wither away right in front of me. I understood for the first few weeks, hell I couldn’t bring myself to care for myself at first and we weren’t nearly as close as you and him were. But this has just gone on for too long now. It’s been months Clay. He’s gone man. He’s dead and he isn’t coming back, and you need to accept that or you’re going to be seeing him a lot sooner.’
I was dying under the heat of all the blankets, especially in the Florida heat, but I didn’t care. What’s the worst that could happen? I die? Oh well, not like anyone would care anyway, the one person who probably would have left and wasn’t going to come back. My only other best friend was 4,386 miles away. An entire ocean separated us. As much as I wanted to die at this moment I knew I couldn’t, now that he left who would feed Patches if I was gone. I moved the blankets slightly to make the small hole bigger to let more cool air in so I didn’t die from the heat.
Tears still cascaded down my cheeks, like an ungraceful waterfall. My head had started to pound either from the stress of the situation or dehydration. I try to think back and remember when the last time I drank was. God, I remember having a glass of juice at breakfast but everything after that is a blur up until shortly before I came into my room. I just needed it to stop. The tears. The pain in my head. The ache in my chest. The agony I felt in my heart. The scratching at my door. I closed my eyes, just resting them in hopes the headache would alleviate itself.
I don’t know how long had passed since I burrowed under the mound of blankets, but it couldn’t have been more than a few hours, surely. I couldn’t even tell if it was daytime outside, the blackout blinds and curtains I bought were doing their job, amazingly may I add. My throat was dry, and my stomach empty and rumbling, that’s how I knew it had to have been a few hours. The tears still hadn’t stopped. The pain in my head had worsened. The ache in my chest became agonising. The agony in my heart had just gone numb. The scratching at my door is nonexistent. Shouting echoed over the wooden flooring of the house. Shouting, there wasn’t anyone in the house except me. My immediate thought was, I was being robbed.
Oh well, they could take whatever they wanted I didn’t care anymore. Footsteps got louder as the intruder came closer. This was it. I was going to die. I was going to die, and the last thing I told him was that I didn’t care about anything anymore. At least he wasn’t here to witness it, or he wouldn’t come back and find my body. Who would find it then? Would anyone even know I was dead? Surely, someone would notice if I didn’t tweet anything, upload a video or message anyone. Would be care? Probably not, the answer to that was. Why would he? He said he quit. He doesn’t care anymore.
The door to my room opened, and the footsteps stopped. This is it. This is where I die, buried under a mound of blankets. Tears still freely flowing. Hair was greasy from days without showering. Still wearing clothes from what had to be a week ago now. The blankets had started to move, any minute now I was going to look into the eyes of my killer. At that thought, I closed my eyes. I didn’t want the last thing I saw to be the person who was going to kill me. Patches. Who was going to look after her? Would she curl up next to my body, meowing for me to feed her not knowing I was gone?
And with that, the blanket was thrown off my still body. “Please don’t kill my cat as well, she’s innocent. She hasn’t done anything wrong. So when you kill me, please don’t harm her, you can have her if you want to, as long as you promise to love her and keep her safe. Her name is Patches. She won’t have anyone to look after her once I’m gone, the one person who would, left sometime yesterday and won’t be coming back again, so feel free to stay in my house for a few days and take anything you want.” I rambled, this is it. Any minute now, I’m going to be killed whether it be by knife or gun. To be honest, I don’t care. I deserve it. “Techno, I’ll see you soon.”
“Woah, dude. What the hell? Why would I kill you? Why would I take Patches? What the hell is up with you?” There came a very loud barrage of questions from Sapnap. No, it couldn’t be him. He quit. He left. He left and he isn’t coming back. I opened my eyes, and to my complete disbelief, it was Sapnap standing looking down at me. Why did he come back?
“No. No. No. You can’t be here. You quit. You stormed out yesterday. Why did you come back?” I said, voicing my thoughts. The look of concern on his face shifted into that of horror, then panic, to sadness, then back to concern, before settling on a mix of sadness and concern.
“Dream, I left four days ago. I was staying at Punz’s to calm down and give you some space, thinking it would be the best thing for you. Clearly, I was wrong. Have you been lying here since I left? Dream .” There it was. Disappointment. I thought with what he said at first he was sorry for leaving, clearly he wasn’t.
“I’m sorry. Please. Pandas, please don’t leave again. I can get up. I’ll get a shower and get dressed. What do you want to eat? I’ll cook you whatever you want. Anything, I don’t mind, and if you want to order out, I don’t mind. I’ll pay for whatever you want and I’ll eat whatever you want me to. Just please, don’t leave again. I promise I’ll change. Do you know what? I’ll start now. You don’t have to try and help me anymore. Just, give me one second, and I’ll…”
My nervous rambling was cut off by arms wrapping around my waist and pulling me into an embrace. Oh god, this felt nice. I melted right into the embrace. When was the last time I was held? “Oh, Dreamie. I promise I won’t leave again. I shouldn’t have in the first place, and I promise I won’t do it again. You don’t have to cook for me or order any food. I should be offering that to you, and I shouldn’t have said that to you. I want to help you Dream, you may not believe it right now and that’s okay and I completely understand. I’m here for you brother, forever and always.”
With the first smile I’ve worn in months, I replied “Forever and always, brother.”