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A few weeks ago, Jon had started seeing things he’s not meant to see. It started off small, hearing thoughts from the people around him whether it be statement givers or his assistants that they hadn’t said out loud. It wasn’t alarming by any means, was it weird yes definitely but he could easily work past that. It was only when he started seeing perfect images as though he were really experiencing statements or hearing stories from people and even being able to see the little daydreams that played in his peoples’ heads is when he started to truly worry. He started trying to interact with everyone even less and trying his best to control whatever it was that was making him see inside people’s head. It wasn’t an easy task but he was starting to get it somewhat under control (except for the time he accidentally looked into Tim’s head when he was talking about one particular ex with a really big… well he’d rather not think about it).
However there was one particular person that Jon had trouble not reading and that was Martin. The man had thought after thought coming to his head whenever Jon was around, most of them usually pertaining to anxiousness, making sure he was doing everything right and thinking Jon would berate him at any second. He felt bad about this of course but at the same time it annoyed him and gave him some of the worst headaches. So when Jon noticed the incomplete and shabbily done reports on his desk he couldn’t help but sigh. Of course Martin was responsible and of course it meant he had to go see him. He got up reluctantly from his desk and headed to Martin’s office.
Martin looked panicked as he entered, his cup of tea almost falling over and onto his desk.
“Martin,” he said dryly.
“Jon hi!” Martin said nervously, “did you need something?”
“Oh god what have I done now?” Martin thought.
“I want you to look at this,” Jon placed the documents in front of Martin and crossed his arms. Martin picked up the documents and started looking through them. His expression almost instantly changed to panic.
“Shit shit shit!”
“What do you see Martin?” Jon continued trying his best to ignore the thoughts.
“Some reports?”
“Shabbily done report that are incomplete and poorly detailed,” Jon said. “I really don’t know how you can manage to do so many of these so horribly.”
Jon began pacing the room giving Martin his lecture not even giving him a chance to speak. He knows he might be coming off a bit harsh but he doesn’t want to have to keep dealing with shitty reports and having to keep pushing Martin in the right direction.
“And another thing,” Jon said stopping his pacing to look Martin in the eyes, “You-“
His words cut short as an image started forming in his head.
Jon was still lecturing him and all Martin seemed to be looking at were his lips. Moving and talking and talking, does he ever get tired of his own voice?
“Are you even listening Martin?” Jon asked. Martin looked at Jon with a fire in his eyes that Jon himself had never seen before. It made his stomach flip and Martin stood up abruptly and walked over to Jon and held his face, pulling him into a kiss. The kiss was hot and fuelled with so much frustration and passion. He could taste the cheap tea in Martin’s mouth. As they parted for air, Martin spoke.
“You sound so much better when you’re quiet.”
And then suddenly Jon was back in the normal office with Martin still behind his desk but looking more worried for Jon than himself. Jon could feel the heat in his face, he’s sure he looks dishevelled and he hates it. Why the fuck did he have to see that? Hell why was Martin even thinking that in the first place? His thoughts started jumbling all over the place before Martin spoke up.
“Uh Jon are you okay?”
Jon tried to form words in his head, to sound somewhat normal and not like he’d just seen himself and Martin making out.
“I-I’m fine Martin I-“ he stuttered out. He cleared his throat trying again. “J-just get the reports done okay.”
He didn’t wait for Martin to even respond as he was out the door in records time and locking himself in his office. His heart was pounding and his ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton. What the hell.
>>>>
It was late, far too late at night for Jon to still be thinking about Martin. He keeps trying to reason why the other man had even thought up something like that. Maybe it was a weird heat of the moment thing or, or… No no Martin wouldn’t. It’d be insane if he actually like liked Jon. Especially with the way Jon treats so horribly sometimes. He sighs and turns to his side, hugging his pillow close to his chest. It can’t be that. It’s probably just an office crush he’ll get over in no time and Jon will continue to be a professional of course and not let this newfound knowledge bother him.
>>>>
And a professional he was not. Instead of staying ‘professional’ he started avoiding Martin. It started in small ways, not meeting Martin’s eyes when they spoke to Jon not being in the same room as him to eventually just flat out not speaking to him. Instead he would ask Tim or Sasha to carry a message to Martin. He didn’t want to avoid Martin per say but he couldn’t help. Every time he saw Martin he would just instantly go back to that fantasy, the fire blazing in Martin’s eyes, the rough hold on his face and the kiss, god the kiss was so go- bad it was bad.
“Hey boss,” Tim greeted him as he entered the office. Jon looked up, trying not to look startled by the sudden intrusion.
“Tim, are you done with the follow up with Christof-“
“Yea yea the weird meat one, I got it,” Tim placed some reports onto his desk.
“Good,” he said going back to whatever work he was doing before. He expected to hear Tim’s footsteps leaving the room but they did not. Jon looked back to Tim. “Is there something else you need?”
“Why are you avoiding Martin?”
Jon all but sputtered out at the sudden confrontation. He really didn’t think the others had noticed his switch in behaviour.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he denied instead, arms crossing his chest.
“Boss no offense but you’re as subtle as a talking wolf walking into a bar to order a drink,” Tim said.
“That is- that is oddly specific-“
“Not my best analogy but you understand what I mean.”
He does understand what Tim means and so he sighs, leaning further back into the office chair.
“It’s nothing Tim really, it’s fine, Martin and I are fine.”
“Mm then why are you avoiding him?”
“…” he tried to think of a way to best explain around the truth that he somehow gained mind reading abilities and accidentally read Martin’s mind about him kissing Jon and how now it was taking up his mind every second of the day and how he can’t face Martin without feeling flustered. He must’ve taken too long to respond because Tim’s expression went much softer.
“I know you and Martin don’t get along well but this is a bit much even for you,” Tim said leaning on the desk to look at Jon more closely. “So whatever it is I’m sure you guys can work it out?”
“… I don’t really know how to,” he said honestly looking down.
Tim didn’t respond. Jon felt himself becoming anxious he wanted nothing more than to sink into the floor and disappear. But all at the same time he wanted to know what Tim was thinking right now. Instead he gripped his arms tight enough to hurt and focused on that. He refused to give in to the powers.
“Don’t you have another case to get back to Tim instead of prying into this,” Jon said sternly.
After a long pause, Tim spoke. “Alright, I’ll get out of your hair,” he started to head towards the door before stopping half way.
“Actually, we’re all going tonight for some drinks,” oh no Jon knows where this is going. Another thing Jon had to start avoiding more was crowded spaces. It overwhelmed him immensely being in a room full of people and reading their minds all at once. It was an incredibly unpleasant experience to say the least.
“I- I don’t think-“
“Hey before you say no, I will tell Sasha that you’ve been staying in the office late this week,”
Jon’s eyes shot up immediately at that. “You wouldn’t,” he said in an exasperated tone.
“Oh I would,” they both stared at each other in intense silence. He didn’t wasn’t to lose but what other choice does he have when Tim was practically black mailing him?
So in the end he conceded, “Fine.
“Great see you this evening boss!” he called back cheerily. He was doomed.
>>>>
The pub was only halfway full when they arrived but even so Jon could already feel the thoughts creeping up from every person they passed. They chose a spot more further to the back away, tucked away from everything which Jon was more than grateful for. Tim said he would get the first round of beers and headed to the bar whiles Martin and Sasha talked. Jon tried his best to pay attention to the conversation unfolding in front of him but was failing miserably. His mind kept drifting going from person to person, wanting to hear every thought in their head.
One girl was waiting on her fiancée at a table near the front, she was afraid he was cheating again, another person sat at the bar nursing a drink, he’d just lost his job and didn’t know how to tell his family. A group of friends sat around a table each one hating the other; Jon’s not even sure why they’re friends. Another person was-
“Here you go,” Tim placed the beer in front of Jon pulling him back to the group. He could see Martin looking at him, trying to get a read on Jon.
“What’s going on with you Jon?” Martin thought. Jon could feel a familiar dull throbbing in his head.
“So what did I miss?” Tim asked the others. They caught him up to speed on some show Martin and Sasha were watching. Some time period drama that as far as Jon knows everyone is watching right now, including himself.
“I just wish the guy would properly communicate with the girl,” Sasha said with a frustrated sigh.
“I mean we still haven’t seen his backstory. Maybe he doesn’t know how voice his feelings,” Martin said.
“Mmm I don’t know Martin still think he’s kind of a dick,” Tim said siding with Sasha.
“W-well this isn’t fair there’s two against one,” he looked between the two of them before Tim nudged Jon’s shoulder.
“What do you think Jon and before you say you haven’t seen it I heard you humming the theme just the other day,” Tim said with a grin.
All eyes were on him. He took a long sip of the beer. “I have to agree with Martin on this.”
“Seriously?” both Sasha and Tim said in unison
“Yes! See told you guys,” Martin smiled confidently, it was a rare sight. It was an even more interesting thing seeing the fire in his eyes, melting away the icy blue of his eyes. Jon hadn’t even realised when he’d started smiling along with him. The conversation flowed by like nothing and suddenly Jon could no longer hear the thoughts of the other patrons. It was relieving and for a second Jon thought maybe he wasn’t so doomed.
“I going to get another beer you guys need anything?” Tim asked as he got up from the seat.
“I’m all good,” Martin responded.
“I could do with another Tim,” Jon said.
“Right on boss.”
“You don’t have to call me that outside of work you know.”
“I know force of habit.”
“I’m going to the loo, watch my drink for me,” Sasha said as she got up.
With the two of them gone, it left only Martin and Jon. It was a bit awkward to say the least. Jon drank out what little drink he had left in his bottle and Martin scrolled through his phone.
“I should say something, but what do I even say?” he could hear Martin’s thoughts loud and clear once more, “Hey Jon why are you avoiding me? I’m sorry for whatever it is I fucked up this time? God I’m wish I could stop fucking up for five minutes? No maybe not that.”
Jon couldn’t help flinching at the self-deprecating words Martin was throwing at himself. Had him not talking to Martin really caused him that much distress? Jon bit down hard at his bottom lip, guilt etching into his skin.
“Martin,” Jon said bringing the man’s attention to him. “I-I’m…,” he sighed, “I’m sorry about avoiding you; it has nothing to do with you it’s just, complicated. I know it doesn’t excuse it just= know it’s not your fault not really anyway.”
It’s true none of it was technically Martin’s fault. It was Jon’s own fault for seeing something he shouldn’t have.
Martin sat there speechless and for a second Jon thought it wasn’t enough and was about to start apologising even more but Martin spoke up before that could happen.
“I-it’s fine Jon really,” Martin responded, “I- thank you for saying something.” In the yellow lights of the pub Jon could see blush on his cheeks.
“Right,” Jon said, clearing his throat. His own thoughts started scattering. He needed to focus on literally anything else right now and not the prett- no, not Martin. He needed to not focus on Martin.
Tim placed his drink in front of him at the perfect timing. Jon took a hearty swig of it.
>>>>
The room had gotten exceptionally loud, everyone’s thoughts crashing down one after the other. It wasn’t even just their thoughts though, it was their fears, the horrors they’ve seen and the stories that have yet to be told. It was all way too much, Jon could feel himself getting overwhelmed, his senses felt way more sensitive than before, the leather seats felt rough and like it was sticking to his skin, his eyes kept darting around the room colours enveloping every corner he looked, he felt like he was going to be sick. Someone asked him something when he got up from his seat but he just brushed the question off and left to go anywhere really. He just needed to get out.
He pushed through the hungry crowd, their sweaty bodies pressing to him as people danced and moved around. It felt hot, far too hot, like he were in an oven or maybe a volcano, he needed to get out, he needed to get out, he needed-
Jon found himself outside, in an alleyway. The only source of light was coming from the streetlight to his far right. The door closed behind him and it was quiet, no more thoughts, no more music, and no more people. He took a deep breath and sighed, his breath coming out in a cold puff of air. He ran his hands roughly into his hair before sitting down on the cleanest looking part of the alleyway’s floor. His heart was still pounding but it would pass, it should anyway.
He started to think about what caused his spiral in the first place, it had been bad before but never like that, never had he seen people’s fears so, vividly. It had to be the alcohol, he knew his limit but just kept going anyway, he supposes now he knows to avoid it. Jon stayed there for some time could’ve been minutes or hours but he couldn’t tell you if he tried.
“God Jon where are you?” Jon almost jumped as the thought came to him. “You couldn’t have wandered that far could you?”
This was certainly new. He’d never been able to read someone’s mind so far away before. How interesting. The doors leading to the club opened revealing a very sweaty Martin.
“Jon! God we’ve been looking everywhere for you!” Martin yelled. Jon winced at the sudden noise. “W-we tried to call your phone but you left it behind and literally everything, Tim thought you went to the loo but then we checked and you weren’t there either and-“
“Martin please shut up,” Jon said with a wince. Martin looked down at him with a look of annoyance but went quiet. It took Martin a second to realise the state Jon was in. His expression softened as he stooped down to be face to face with Jon.
“What’s going on with you?”
Jon sighed and gestured to the spot beside him. Martin looked hesitant at first but eventually sat down. They stayed like that for a short bit; Martin’s thoughts were pleasantly silent for once which Jon enjoyed.
Another vision, this one taking place in the same alley they were in, Martin was still sat next to him, the only difference being, he was holding Jon’s hand, holding him close to him. He was warm, so warm and so soft and he didn’t realise when he’d actually started leaning his head against Martin’s shoulder nor when he’d fallen asleep.
When he eventually opened his eyes again he was greeted by the sun. The room was lit brightly with sunlight pouring through the curtains that were blue and definitely not Jon’s own. He sat up quickly and immediately regretted it as his head began throbbing incessantly.
“You’re awake,” Jon looked to where the voice came from and spotted Martin. He was in a pyjama pants and a band tee whose print had long since faded. He held a cup of tea in his hands. Did that man ever get tired of drinking tea?
“How did I get here?”
“Well, you sort of passed out last night and no one knew where you lived so I decided to just bring you here,” Martin gestured around the room. “Tea?”
“Do you have any coffee?” Jon asked.
“I don’t think so but I’ll go check,” Martin said before leaving the room to what Jon presumes is the kitchen. He laid back down onto the sofa as he tried to get his bearings in order. He began to recall the moments before he passed out and immediately felt himself flushing as he remembered that he’d fallen asleep on Martin’s shoulder. God it really couldn’t get worse could it.
“I don’t have coffee but I do have some earl grey?” Martin called from the kitchen.
“That’s fine Martin!” Jon replied, he cringed at his own voice, the cords sounding croaky and off.
Martin came back eventually with a cup of earl grey and some pain killers.
“Here you go,” Martin handed over the cup to Jon. Jon blew on the surface of the tea until he felt like it was cool enough to not burn his mouth before taking the pain killers and sipping the tea. It tasted incredible, it was exactly the way he liked it and it was so much better than the cuppa in the archives. Martin sat down beside him as they both quietly sipped their beverages. Jon thought it would be more painfully awkward but he couldn’t help the comfort he found in it. He didn’t usually get to enjoy mornings like this (even if he was in a great amount of pain) he usually did things promptly not wasting a second but this was nice. Though he knows it can’t last.
“I should probably get going,” Jon said putting the mug down onto the coffee table. Martin said nothing as Jon got up from the sofa. He began to stretch his arms, his shirt rising up just a little and Jon didn’t miss the quick look Martin did to his stomach.
“You can stay for breakfast if you’d like,” Martin suggested.
Jon was ready to decline, already feeling embarrassed as it was but then his stomach growled. It was no small growl either, it sounded similar to a disgruntled person almost making Jon jump. He flushed bright red and cleared his throat. Martin looked like he was holding back a laugh.
“I suppose I could do with something to eat,” Jon said. Martin continued smiling as they both headed to the kitchen. Jon leaned against the counter sipping his tea as Martin made his way around the kitchen finding different ingredients.
“What are you making?” Jon asked.
“It’s a surprise,” Martin said with a grin.
“A surprise?” he asked with some scepticism. Jon never really did like surprises.
“Don’t worry I’m not poisoning you,” Martin said. Jon let out a chuckle at that.
“I know you aren’t, I’d be able to tell if you were trying to,” Jon said without thinking.
“Oh and how’d you know that?” Martin asked curiously.
“Uh- well-“ mind reading Martin he can read your mind, yours is literally the easiest to read out of everyone’s for some reason.
“See you wouldn’t be able to tell at all,” Martin replied while slicing up some onions into cubes.
“When you feel guilty of something you tend to play with the ring on your thumb,” Jon said after some time. Martin almost stopped his movement altogether when Jon said it but managed to stay composed. His face however did not stay as composed as he cheeks went red.
“I-I didn’t realise anyone noticed that,” he said clearing his throat.
“He actually noticed that.”
“Well I certainly did,” Jon replied simply. They both went quiet after that with Martin working in silence mixing and slicing things up until finally it was done. He plated an omelette and with some beans to the side and two slices of toast lightly buttered for both Jon and himself. It looked delicious and smelled even better. He thanked Martin as he was handed the plate. The both sat down in the living room and ate. It was amazing.
“I had no idea you were so good at cooking Martin,” Jon said as he took another bit of the omelette.
“It’s nothing really. I usually cooked for my mom and me when I was younger so I picked up on a thing or two,” he said.
“Mom, I haven’t gone to the home to see her in a bit, I wonder how she’s doing.”
Jon remembers Martin mentioning his mom being in a home once or twice about. He never thought to pry.
“I’m sure she loved your cooking,” Jon said. Martin’s mood suddenly dipped, the room felt almost icy as the words left Jon’s mouth.
“She- um didn’t really like my cooking actually, always something wrong with it,” he laughed sadly.
A vision comes vividly to Jon’s mind.
Martin is making some toast for it’s the only thing the ten year old knows how to make. The toast pops out of the toaster and he carelessly grabbing at the hot bread to get it onto the plate. After much struggle he gets it and butters it. He’s extra careful holding the butter knife because even if it’s not sharp it’s always good to be careful, that’s what his mother taught him. As soon as he was done, he got off the stool and headed to his mother’s room. She sat up looking annoyed as she reads another gossip magazine. She takes the plate and inspects it closely.
“You burnt it,” she simply says. Martin looks down sadly at his feet.
“I’m sorry,” Martin says quietly.
“You should be better at this by now dear,” she says. Martin says nothing, just focuses on his feet to try and keep the tears at bay.
After that the memories seem to blur together, with every time Martin made something, there would always be something wrong with it, there would always be an insult or some crude remark about how he could always do better and how he’ll never truly learn how to do things properly. Jon could feel every inch of sadness and insecurity that leaked through the memories until finally he’s back in the living room with present Martin. It seems Martin hadn’t noticed Jon looking off, his own mind clearly elsewhere.
Jon wiped the unshed tears from his eyes and focused on the food in front of him. His mouth was dry but he forced the food down. Jon’s not sure what to say or do with this information. He can’t just bring that up, that hurt and pain especially since he wasn’t even supposed to know about it in the first place. How would he even explain how he knew this information? God why did this have to be so complicated!
They both ate the rest of the meal in silence and before long Jon was getting ready to head home.
“Thank you again Martin for helping me,” Jon said.
“It’s no problem would probably do it again if I had to- not to say I would want this to happen again-“
“I understand Martin,” Jon said with a soft chuckle. Martin rubbed the back of his neck and smiled. Neither of them stepped away from the other.
“Actually, Martin.”
“Yes?” Martin asked expectantly. Jon gripped his arm tightly.
“You- your-“ what is he trying to say here? Your mother is wrong about you. You’re an amazing person and you should know that.
“You’re a great cook,” he blurted out instead.
Martin blushed, “Th-thank you Jon.”
“No I-I mean it you’re good at this you could probably open a-a restaurant or something,” Jon said.
“I probably couldn’t but thank you for the compliment,” Martin said.
“…Right, I’ll see you then,” Jon said finally turning oh so slowly and walking away and down the hallway to the elevator. Once the doors closed he took a breath. The vision- or the memories he supposes, took a lot out of him. His heart felt like a crushed paper bag and he could only imagine how Martin feels carrying those memories. He wishes he could ease Martin’s pain somehow but that’s not possible. He can’t change the past, but he can change how he treats him at the very least.