Work Text:
It was a hard realization to come to.
She loved him, loved him more than any other being, in any universe, on any star. Has always loved him, would always love him.
But Dick Grayson would never be hers.
Because that was his greatest gift, and his greatest flaw. He loved her, deeply, madly, devotedly – just like he loved everyone else.
She watched as he flitted around the scene, checked on every victim, every hero, anyone and everyone involved in today’s fight. Gave the same attention and care to every single one of them.
She wondered. She’d always wondered, would always wonder until the day she died – because even if he died first, she would still think about it.
He loved. Freely and openly, to all. But could he fall in love?
She knew of his paramours. She knew the adoration and desperateness in which he held them, and kissed them and made love to them. Was even on the receiving end of many of his tender ‘I love you’s herself.
But had he ever truly been in love with any of them?
She didn’t think so.
But maybe that was a lie. He could fall in love, of course he could. According to her observations of the human race, every single human being had the capacity to fall in head over heels in love. What made them different was the object that kind of affection was aimed at.
Being in love didn’t always mean romance, she supposed.
No, she thought. She could see it now. As he jumped back to the center of the scene, manhandled Robin into submission so he could check the child for injuries. As, despite the boy’s protests, he scooped the bird into his arms, carried him like a toddler as they went to check on the one now known as Red Robin and his partner for the day, Batwing.
Dick Grayson could fall in love. And he was ruled by that love. No one could compare to it, no one could take it away.
Because he was in love with Gotham. He was in love with his family. With his father and sisters and brothers.
And no one, no friends or lovers, could ever compare to them. Not even her, not even when they were betrothed to be married.
She watched as Batwing nodded and went airborne. Red Robin had that shy little smile on his face, as Dick rubbed the shattered concrete out of his hair, then gently kissed at his forehead, before letting him get back to securing the wreckage. He spun gracefully, Robin still latched grumpily onto his hip as he trotted across the way, checked on an old woman and her four dogs, paused at a man and tickled the baby wrapped tightly in his arms, and finally made his way over to Superman, hanging onto his arm as his face became serious, clearly asking if was truly okay, because there had been Kryptonite involved this time.
But it was obvious, in how tightly he held that child, how he kept glancing to the sky where Batwing was hovering, how he positioned himself with every civilian, every friend, so that Red Robin was constantly in his line of vision.
There was no comparison.
He was so madly in love with them, it hurt.
And it was so clear, as he suddenly twirled away from Superman to find another masked hero – and she couldn’t remember her name. She’d been Batgirl once upon a time, but now went as something else. Blackbird, perhaps? – and gathered her up in his arms, somehow able to hold both her and Robin and wheel around with both of them easily in his grasp.
Love could easily be Dick Grayson’s middle name. He was one of the most loving people she’d ever met. That’s why she fell in love with him in the first place. That’s why she held him in a higher regard than anyone on this planet. Anyone in the whole universe.
That’s why she held him so tightly, kissed him so passionately, agreed to marry him so quickly.
She loved him. Was in love with him. Was more in love with him than any other being.
And he loved her. With the most love he could feel, the highest level of devotion he had.
But that was the problem.
He adored her. But he also adored Robin. Adored Batman. Adored Oracle and Batgirl and the woman currently embraced in his arms.
With her, she loved Dick and Dick alone. With him, she was one of many. Just one of many.
And she knew that didn’t discount a thing. Knew that didn’t make his love for her any less special than anyone else’s. But it didn’t make her more special either, and wasn’t that how it was supposed to be when you were in love? When you were going to marry someone? When you were going to spend the rest of your time with someone, devote your whole life to them?
She wanted that, she needed that. And Dick…he couldn’t give her that.
So it hurt. It pained her, it killed her. Because she loved him so much.
But she couldn’t have him. Could never have him.
Because she was selfish, sure. Could be. Wanted to be. Wanted to take him away, run off to Tamaran and never bring him home. Focus on them, on their love, on each other and nothing else.
But she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t take him away from these people, from the others he loved so preciously. She could be selfish, sure, but it would break his heart. Break it into a million pieces, with no hope of ever putting any of them back together.
“Kory?”
She jerked, glanced over. Dick was standing next to her now, the other woman was gone but Robin was still perched on his hip. The little boy’s head was bowed, though, eyes half-lidded as he rested his cheek on Dick’s shoulder. And she couldn’t tell if it was due to exhaustion or injury. Hoped it was neither – that child was too young to have the stresses of this lifestyle on his shoulders.
“Hm?”
And her breath still caught, as Dick reached his free hand up, ran his warm fingers over the skin of her face. Still leaned into the touch, as he cupped her cheek.
“You okay?” Dick whispered, tender and sweet and adoring – everything she cherished about him.
And right now she wanted to cry. Because he was her love, her one true love. She knew that, wholly and completely. But she was not his. Would never be his.
She smiled, though. Held back the tears, so Dick and his little brother wouldn’t worry. Because he didn’t deserve that, didn’t deserve having to feel guilt for something he couldn’t change. Something that – deep down, if she admitted it to herself – she didn’t want him to change either.
Because if he didn’t love so freely, he wouldn’t be the man she fell in love with in the first place.
“I’m fine, Richard. Thank you.”
He smiled then, too. Relief washing over his features, like her answer was the one he was truly waiting for. She knew it wasn’t, of course, had watched his face make the same transformation ten times over already today. That didn’t make it any less sincere, though, as he leaned up and kissed the corner of her mouth.
“Give me a shout if you need me, alright?” She nodded silently, and watched as he hopped away, leaning in to quietly say something to the little boy on his hip.
And she had the sudden urge to stop him. To spin Dick around and take that little boy from his arms. To tell him, and his siblings and his father and his city, to explain to that child what he had. To beg and plead for him to appreciate the gift, to care for it with all he had.
Because he had Dick’s heart. Batman had Dick’s heart. Gotham had Dick’s heart.
But Dick had hers, and was unable to give his in return.
Dick had hers, this city had his.
And that, inevitably, left her with nothing.