Chapter Text
Shanks had been used to feel a pain that wasn't his since childhood. The child would often try to look on his body for a cut he felt on his arm but never found it. The pain was there every time Shanks bent his arm at a certain angle or if he touched the area that should have been injured, but the cut remained invisible.
Shanks, eight years old, had thought he was going crazy feeling wounds he couldn't see on his body whether it was cuts, bruises and bumps, an injured rib, a bloody nose, or a strain.
Yet, he knew it was just a feeling and that the cuts weren't really there.
But sometimes, on rare nights, Shanks would cry himself to sleep when the pain was too vivid, real, almost as if it was his, and deep to be bearable.
Physically he was fine, but mentally, behind his smiles and laughter, Shanks was suffering from an unknown ailment that he couldn't explain. And Shanks didn't dare talk of his problem to the adults of the Oro Jackson despite his disproportionate trust in Roger and Rayleigh. He was afraid they would think he was crazy and throw him overboard, just like Buggy didn't believe him when Shanks tried to explain the pain he felt.
Because to everyone else, Roger and Buggy included, having a soulmate was the most important, precious, and beautiful experience in the world.
So, Shanks continued to suffer alone until a pirate crew attacked them and he got hurt even if he was supposed to stay hidden with Buggy. For once, it was his pain that Shanks felt, his blood flowing and his skin throbbing. The pain was exactly like he had felt before but he laughed as he touched his wound and a spike of pain shot through him. The blood running down the redhead's forearm caught Roger's attention and he motioned for the boy to follow him to his office.
Inside, Shanks sat at the large desk while Roger searched for a medical kit. The boy wondered what he had done wrong, other than disobeying a direct order to stay hidden, but knew that Roger wouldn't lecture him as extensively as Rayleigh would.
Nonetheless, Shanks was surprised to hear no anger in Roger's voice, "you need to be more careful, kid," the captain scolded as he inspected the small cut.
"I know," Shanks sighed, looking down at his pants to avoid meeting Roger's disappointing eyes. "I didn't do it on purpose! That bastard found me and Buggy so...," Shanks stopped trying to defend himself when he heard Roger's hoarse and amused laugh. He looked up and saw the good humor in the dark eyes. Shanks smiled as he heard the laughter that was as warm as a blanket during a stormy night.
The boy knew everything would be okay if Roger laughed.
"I gave up hope on your sanity a long time ago. I wish you would have stayed safe even though I knew in advance you would come out to fight. You are a mini-storm filled with explosive energy and courage, you'll give Ray gray hairs long before his time. Yet your fearlessness makes you predictable, Shanks. You have to be careful."
"For what?" Shanks asked but his raised eyebrow quickly disappeared when Roger applied antiseptic to the wound and he winced instead.
Roger laughed again before putting away the antiseptic and grabbing a bandage, "because your soulmate feels your pain just as much as you feel theirs."
Shanks' red eyes widened in amazement when he heard Roger talk about soulmates. He was no stranger to the term and knew what it meant: two people bound together by destiny like Roger and Rayleigh. But as Buggy had so wisely reminded him, having a soulmate was the best feeling in the world. His brother always said that he adored his soulmate and that he could sense when they were happy, sad, or surprised. All these positive and lively feelings flowed through a special bond that everyone had.
Yet Shanks never talked about his soulmate or the pain this mysterious person caused him.
"W-what?" Shanks stammered with just as much surprise, "That's impossible!"
"Does this word even exist in our world?" Roger asked with a gentle smile as he finished bandaging Shanks' little forearm. "I know you feel someone else’s pain."
"How did you guess?" Asked Shanks who was sure he had hidden this secret from Roger and Rayleigh quite well; the only explanation was if Buggy had betrayed their bro code and told them everything.
"Ah! Do you think I'm an idiot, Shanks?" Roger laughed before ruffling the red hair in revenge, "I know you. And then, you're not the king of subtlety. You dropped your plate two days ago because of a sudden pain in your arm."
"You knew all this time?"
Roger nodded with a soft smile lighting up his face, "Obviously, we were hoping you would come to us for this problem."
Shanks suddenly thought himself very naive for wanting to keep such a secret from his family in the hope that they wouldn't find out. He realized now that he had been wrong to be secretive and that he should have trusted them all along ; the redhead should have asked for help sooner. Shanks knew he couldn't turn back so he could at least apologize to his captain.
"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to worry you..." he whispered in a small sorry voice, his cheeks red of shame.
"You can't hide this kind of thing from us, kid. I need to know if something hurts you because how else can I protect you otherwise?"
"You can not..."
Tears began to sting Shanks' eyes from the weight of shame and regret. Shanks had meant well by keeping this a secret, instead, he had screwed up and hurt Roger in the process.
Did Roger hate him now?
Or did the captain think Shanks didn't trust him?
Shanks did his best to hold back the tears so as not to cry in front of his Captain, but the observant old man noticed them all the same.
"It's okay, Shanks," Roger said, placing a hand on the boy's shoulder to comfort him, "and I understand that you want to keep your soulmate to yourself. I would do the same with Ray if I could."
"So you’re not mad?" Shanks asked, sniffling to chase away the tears.
"No, I'm not, but I won't speak for Ray. He might beat us both up for our negligence. I should have talked with you sooner"
Shanks shivered involuntarily, not in a hurry to get out of this room suddenly, and Roger laughed nervously since he was also afraid of his soul mate's famous punch.
"What if you told me about your soulmate? It'll buy us some time before we have to leave this room."
Shanks nodded with a wide smile, willing to do anything to stay a little longer especially since he was dying to tell someone what he felt. The kid also wanted to share his doubts with an adult who would understand him.
He always hated keeping a secret from Roger anyway.
Thus, Shanks talked about the general pain he felt, it was less precise than before, his soulmate probably having managed to control their bond on his side, but it was still as sharp. There were also occasional feelings that reassured Shanks about the health of his soul mate: a fierce resolve, boredom, happiness, or fatigue. It was this strength of character that impressed Shanks the most.
At eight years old, Shanks didn't understand much about the world but already knew that his soulmate was a force of nature.
"Do you think they're being mistreated?" Shanks asked in a small voice at the end of his long explanation, he had had a lot to say since the child had felt the presence of this other person since birth.
Shanks had been afraid of these feelings that were not his own for a long time, almost for two years, but now that Shanks had finally internalized what he felt, he no longer felt fear or ashamed of having an atypical soul mate.Now, Shanks couldn't help but think about this person he shared his life with and fear for this person who was physically hurt every day lately.
Was his soulmate okay?
Was there even anything Shanks could do?
"They might not be injuries caused by malicious hands if your soulmate is a fighter," Roger said thoughtfully after analyzing each injury that Shanks had detailed to him as a whole rather than separately.
Roger understood Shanks keenly and knew what it felt like to have a fighter as a soulmate. The captain could feel it in his soul every time Ray was physically hurt or irritated by something, but they were old enough now to control the bond between them. So Roger knew Rayleigh had been wounded without having to feel the pain, except when his husband was too hurt to control the bond and, at those times, Roger felt the wound as if it was his own.
It was the same for Shanks and his mysterious soulmate but they were still too young to block and control the bond.
"You think?"
Roger shrugged his shoulders slightly, "everything is possible with soulmates. They can be our opposites like our mirrors. The universe chose arbitrarily who is made for us and whether we have the right to meet or not."
"What if I never meet my soul mate? Or what if I walk past them without recognizing them?" Shanks asked worried about missing his only chance to meet his soulmate.
The idea of having a soulmate had never crossed Shank's mind before. To him, only adults had soulmates. Yet, he couldn't ignore every injury he felt in the past years. Now that having a soulmate was something concrete, the boy couldn't help but worry.
What if this person died before they met? What if Shanks didn't like them? Or the opposite? What if they don't recognize each other? Or spend the rest of their life without ever meeting?
"You'll know it here," Roger replied, pressing his index where Shanks's heart was. "Don't bother yourself with unanswerable questions. You will never be able to influence the course of destiny, but you can make your life easier by controlling the bond that unites you. Your soul mate is probably not aware of the harm they are causing you, but that is no reason to make them pay by intentionally hurting you."
Roger's next words struck the young boy: "there is no 'you' and 'I' when it comes to soul mates but 'us' and the rest of the world. You are a team. You have their back and he has yours. The bond between you and this person is unbreakable. No matter the hard times you face, you must move forward together. You must swear to me to take care of your soul mate, Shanks."
Shanks nodded slowly as the words imprinted themselves in his mind. He wasn't sure if he understood everything, but knew that he won't ever forget this promise made for Roger, his soulmate, and himself. The only thing Shanks was sure of was that he had to protect his soulmate.
Late that night, Shanks, who was unable to sleep because of the excitation running through his veins to one day meet his soulmate, decided that Roger was wrong about one thing: if fate didn't let him meet his soulmate, then Shanks would force destiny to obey his will.
As the years passed, Shanks had finally learned how to control the bond to not overwhelm his soulmate with his feelings and had also started training with Rayleigh. If his soulmate was someone strong then Shanks had to be just as strong if he wanted to protect this special being waiting for him.
Taking care of his soulmate was the most important thing the redhead had learned from his conversations with Roger and all those he had with the rest of the crew. Shanks had finally told the whole truth to the crew after talking to Roger. They didn't deserve to be out of the secret that Shanks was no longer ashamed nor scared of. In fact, Shanks was proud of having an atypical soulmate and wanted to understand what it actually meant to share his fate with someone else.
Everyone on the ship spoke highly of soulmates destined to complete each other and live happily together.
Everyone except Rayleigh who sighed wearily after Shanks asked him the question, a huge smile on his face at finally being able to speak freely about his soulmate, "ah, the curse of soulmates."
"Curse?" Shanks repeated, slowly losing his smile.
"I'm sure Roger gave you his speech about being a team and all that," Rayleigh began, rolling his eyes a little while motioning for Shanks to sit next to him, "but it's mainly crap. Life is always more complicated than that. Roger and I can always present each other's emotions. I know if he's happy, which he is most of the time, angry or sad. It's quite useful in stopping him from getting into mischief. But it also means I share his wounds and pain."
"I know, Roger said it too."
"You don't understand. Sharing your emotions with someone also means you have the power to make them suffer just as they can make you suffer."
Shanks frowned since he hadn't expected Ray to play the role of the bird of misfortune, "why would my soulmate want to hurt me?"
"It doesn't have to be intentional, Shanks. You can choose to reflect your feelings or hurts on the bond without meaning to. It can have positive and negative consequences. Remember how I knew you and Roger fell into a five-meter hole last time? This bond that unites us with another person has as many faults as qualities, most people prefer to concentrate on the positive sides. Three-quarters of the inhabitants of this world are not as lucky as you, I, and most of the members of this crew are to have a soulmate, they wish they could have one without understanding the duties that follow. Having a soulmate means twice as much love, but also twice as much responsibility compared to a normal relationship."
Shanks thought back to all the times he had unintentionally hurt himself and wondered if his soulmate was also waiting to meet him with the same impatience? The twelve-year-old disagreed with his mentor : having a soulmate was a good thing. Shanks understood the chance he had to have one now and he would give anything to meet this person no matter the obstacles that awaited them.
"I will do my best to protect them!" Shanks promised as his smile returned.
He would protect his soulmate from any type of pain, even from his.
They would be happy together.
It was a promise.
"I'm sure you will, kid," Rayleigh said although his expression was still thoughtful, "finish your training now, and no more questions."
Shanks nodded obediently before retrieving his wooden sword since the best way to keep his soulmate safe was to become stronger through Rayleigh and Roger's teachings.
And the training Shanks had received on the Oro Jackson had certainly helped him once he had his own crew and also his own rival. At this point, Shanks wasn't sure who he got first: Benn or Mihawk?
Both had arrived in his life in the same space of time…
After the pain of being separated from his childhood family and then witnessing the execution of his Captain, who was also his father figure, Shanks finally started to recover with difficulty. He didn't know why or how, but his soulmate used their bond to send him positive vibes; Shanks would bet his left hand that the dose of courage he felt every morning before deciding to get up and spend another day alone wasn't his.
Shanks may have lost his family, but his soulmate was waiting for him somewhere and he had not forgotten his promise to move heaven and earth until he found that person. The redhead'll stick to that promise until deciding to get up wasn't as much of a struggle anymore, until his laughter became joyful again, and his eyes were no longer haunted by his father's corpse.
And then, someday, Shanks went into a bar and played a card game with a stranger with long black hair. It had been a lucky day for the redhead, the first in a long time, and he had won again and again until Benn had nothing left to lose. So Shanks had challenged this strange man with calloused hands and deadly expression to join his crew if he lost the next game. Fate had favored Shanks who had won his first companion in a card game. He had no boat, no crew, but he had Benn now and the rest came slowly.
(Shanks had brushed Benn's fingers that day, hoping the old man was his soulmate, but there had been no big reveal).
Mihawk arrived after the Red-Haired Pirates had started to make themselves known; Shanks even had a bounty now. The crew was celebrating a victory against the Marine when the swordsman, who already had a small reputation of his own, entered the bar. The music stopped, people became quiet, and a waitress dropped a tray on the floor out of fear. And although Shanks knew Dracule Mihawk's deadly reputation, he felt no fear and he raised a confident eyebrow when the golden eyes fell on him. Mihawk looked Shanks up and down as if searching for something, probably Gryphon resting against his owner's hip.
"Fight me," Mihawk had ordered in his drawling, bored voice as if his presence was just a formality. There was no greeting or introduction, just a clear request from one swordsman to another.
Shanks stood up under the amazed gaze of his new crew, he did not intend to flee by refusing a challenge and appear like a coward in front of his companions. The redhead smiled as he got near the older swordsman and stared back at him. Shanks had to admit that this Dracule Mihawk was much more beautiful than rumor said. That black hair, that alabaster skin, and that aristocratic face made Shanks' heart beat faster. He would call it love at first sight if he didn't have a soulmate already waiting for him somewhere in this world.
Shanks smiled fearlessly and raised his hand in an invitation to let Mihawk out of the inn first, "after you, but you could still back off if you're scared."
Shanks's smile widened when he saw the weariness in those amazing and hypnotizing golden eyes. The color of Mihawk's eyes reminded Shanks of those of birds of prey and made him feel like a tiny animal caught in the claws of a hawk. But Shanks intended to show this presumptuous swordsman who was the stronger of the two. The recent Captain was ready to fight now that he had something worthy to fight and die for. He would win against Dracule and go on to another adventure with his crew.
Their first fight lasted three whole days where Mihawk and Shanks made the surrounding area tremble with the force of their blows and their clashing hakis. The sky was gray above them, the waves were raging around the island, and the earth cracked in several places.
Shanks was exhausted for the first time in a long time after this fight which had been interrupted by the Marine. He didn't even have the strength to go back to the ship on his own and Benn had to carry him which would have been humiliating if if his crew hadn't applauded him and called him a hero.
It was because the redhead was so exhausted that he didn't notice that the fatigue he felt was doubled, that the pain from the cut he felt on his right side was not his, nor that he himself had inflicted this pain on his soulmate. To Shank's credit, his own body hurt in several places, he was bleeding, fatigue was anchored in his bones and each of his muscles was aching. Fighting someone as strong and talented as Mihawk produced this kind of effect decided Shanks before falling asleep lying on the deck where Benn had dropped him off.
Above all, despite the fatigue and pain, Shanks was happy because this draw could only mean one thing: there would be a next fight.
Shanks also didn't realize the obvious reason why he was so attracted to Mihawk, whether it was for his looks or for the way he wielded his sword, during their second duel. This one took place barely two months later. Yet they were both stronger, their swords mimicking the sound of thunder as they smashed against each other, and the collision of their haki caused the entire Grand Line to tremble. This time, Shanks did not restrict his strength and attacked Mihawk, who was beginning to become known as 'Hawkeyes', with all his might.
They were starting to know each other now. The way their bodies moved, the strength of their blow, the limits of their hakis, the way their muscles tensed when parrying a blow, the expressions on each other's faces before attacking, and Shanks was no longer afraid of hurting Mihawk.
He even allowed himself to laugh in pleasure somewhere in the middle of the fight.
Caught in the heat of the moment and busy not having his head cut off by Yoru, Shanks did not notice that he felt every wound he inflicted on Mihawk. For him, it was a fight like any other, although Hawkeyes was certainly the strongest of his opponents, and Shanks only aimed for one thing: victory.
It was only after the third fight that Shanks finally realized the obvious.
This third duel had left him just as exhausted and in pain as the last two, but this time, Shanks did not pass out a few minutes after the end of the fight. In fact, he was full of energy and would almost bounce on his feet if his right foot wasn't sprained. Shanks was finally starting to view these one-off meetings as nice moments with a friend and knew that it was now not just a matter of killing the other person. They were equals despite the reluctance Mihawk showed to admit it and killing the other would make no sense other than losing their only means of becoming stronger. Even though it was the second time that Mihawk won…
And Shanks was dying to know his rival, to know what Mihawk liked and hated. In the months between their fights, Shanks wasted his time imagining going on a date with the older swordsman. He wanted to talk to him, to hear him laugh, and was completely pining according to his comrades. But Shanks knew that this attraction he felt for Mihawk was forbidden. All his love, devotion, and thoughts were for his soulmate, the only person who truly mattered after his crew.
The redhead didn't think about it as he reached out his hand to help Mihawk up, "we should go celebrate this third fight in a..."
Shanks stopped talking as a myriad of feelings ran through his mind when Mihawk grabbed his hand.
Surprise. Confusion. Shame. Satisfaction. Happiness.
Shanks was shaken in his certainties as he finally found his soulmate in Dracule 'Hawkeyes' Mihawk, one of the most feared swordsmen in the world.
And everything finally made sense: the wounds from his childhood, his attraction to Mihawk, and his need to restrain his punches.
Suddenly, Shanks' gravity shifted; it was no longer Earth's gravity that held Shanks back but Mihawk's captivating gravity. Shanks finally understood why Rayleigh had warned him all those years ago: having a soulmate was dangerous. Because Shanks knew that his body, his mind, his love, and his everything belonged to Mihawk. Yet he couldn't forget Benn, Yasopp, Limejuice, Lucky, and the rest of the crew waiting for him on the Red Force a few miles here.
They were his family just like Mihawk.
"Don't offer your hand if you're not going to help me get up," Mihawk grumbled, letting go of the redhead's hand to get up on his own, "and shut your mouth, you look like a fish."
Dread was not a feeling Shanks had expected to feel upon meeting his soulmate for the first time. Neither does anger and betrayal.
"You knew?" he asked in an accusatory tone.
"Only an idiot wouldn't have noticed," Hawkeyes replied in his cold, detached voice as he retrieved his coat, "I guess the description suits you."
Shanks's red eyes widened, "How long have you known?"
"Two years and a few months."
Two years?
Shanks frowned in incomprehension since they didn't know each other two years ago. Well, to be honest, the redhead couldn't be exactly sure since he was a complete wreck two years ago when he drank his weight in alcohol to forget the pain of losing Roger. Shanks could have actually crossed paths with Mihawk without realizing it.
Yet hadn't there been this protective veil throughout Roger's execution until his meeting with Benn? Shanks had always imagined that his soulmate had helped him through this difficult moment from a distance.
So Shanks's idea of his soul mate, someone strong, protective, and caring just didn't fit with the cold and distant Hawkeyes.
The older man sighed wearily as he looked behind him to see the redhead lost in thought, "you deflected most of your emotional pain onto our bond that day. That pain was so strong and real, practically vibrating with intensity, that I knew you were there somewhere in the crowd. All it took was for the crowd to disperse and go God knows where for me to spot you. You looked so broken that I knew it was you."
"Why didn’t you come then?" Shanks asked in a tone as accusatory as before, but also filled with so much sadness and despair at the same time, "I needed someone…. I-I needed my soulmate, you! You felt my pain and saw me breaking into a thousand pieces but you still didn't come to help? Why did you stay away?"
Mihawk shrugged his shoulders as he was unable, even now, to comfort his soulmate. The swordsman could see the tears in Shanks' red eyes but just didn't know how to react since he had never had to comfort anyone. "You are wrong if you think I'm the shoulder you can cry on. I don't have time to waste on whiners. Either you were strong enough to get over it or you weren't worth my time."
"So it was a test? Is that why you came to the bar a year ago? To find out if I was finally worth your time?" Shanks was so shocked that he couldn't decide whether to cry or laugh. Mihawk was the polar opposite of what Shanks had hoped his soulmate would be because his soulmate wasn't supposed to refuse the bond that united them -the redhead had never considered being rejected by such an apathetic being, even in the worst scenarios that he had imagined alone in his bed. And yet, Mihawk was slowly shattering each of Shanks' hopes. "We're a team, a 'we', we're supposed to help each other! Destiny decided that we were meant to be together!"
How could he protect Mihawk if the elder didn't want him?
"I don't believe in destiny, Red. The only things I believe in are my skills, my dream, and my sword. The rest are just trifles."
Shanks's heart slowly broke as he was called a 'trifle', an unimportant thing not worth of Mihawk's time.
And yet, despite his broken heart, Shanks refused to let go of the unbreakable bond uniting them, "you could join my crew… W-we wouldn't have to be apart anymore. We could help each other as we are supposed to be."
At this point, Shanks didn't care if he should get on his knees and beg for Mihawk to join his crew or at least accept their bond. Sailing with his soulmate by his side had always been Shanks's one and only dream. He didn't need anything other than his crew and Mihawk to be fulfilled. The oldest could very well fulfill his dream by becoming part of the Red-Haired pirates, right?
But the older man shook his head and slowly turned away, "I don't need anyone to fulfill my goal. It is not against you but I do not believe in this concept."
"Then believe in me…," Shanks whispered long after Mihawk left without saying goodbye.
His voice broke with a sob and if Shanks fell to his knees it was not because of the wounds that marked his body, but the devastating one that marked his heart and his soul. Shanks felt the same pain as when Roger died: that of being abandoned by someone who was supposed to love him forever. The redhead didn't understand why everyone was leaving and why he always had to be alone.
He felt like the old him, alone and depressed, with no one to rely on, no reason to laugh, or motivation to get up in the morning. But it was different now, he had built a loyal and united family who would not abandon him. If Mihawk preferred his goal to Shanks, then the redhead decided to do the same, abandoning in the process his promise made to Roger long ago, and returned to the Red Force where he cried like a baby in Beck's arms until the pain of abandonment faded.
However, once again alone in his bed, his heart a little lighter than before, resolution replaced despair.
Shanks would make Mihawk understand what this "concept" meant, that love was worth fighting for because Rayleigh was wrong: they were not cursed, Shanks refused to believe it.