Chapter Text
Hanzo had been making leaps and bounds during his hunt for redemption. At least, that’s what others had been leading him to believe. Specifically his brother and one or two other members of Overwatch. He didn’t believe them. But, he’d kept his mouth shut and let them assure him as they wanted to. The ten years of isolation had barely made a dent in the list of wrongs he’d committed. Maybe another ten wouldn’t as well. Joining Overwatch - even against his will, and at his brother's insistence - felt like a step in the right direction. And, though it took some time to speak to anyone other than his brother with his own free will, he’d found himself fond of Baptiste. Hanzo was not privy to the man's backstory. But, the man had been quick to assure Hanzo that he was not the only one trying to redeem themselves.
“It is not easy,” he’d said, laying a heavy hand on Hanzo’s shoulder. “To try and come to terms with your choices.”
Hanzo paid little mind to the hand on his shoulder, though he usually detested being touched. Instead, he watched the man’s eyes closely. The deep, hardened look to them that remained even as an easy smile graced his face. Laugh lines in the corners of his eyes along with a small scar along his cheek. His eyes drifted along his arm and then to his scarred hand. Yes, this was a man that knew war, like the rest of them.
“It is even harder to right those wrongs.” Baptiste squeezed Hanzo’s shoulder and left it at that.
Later, he’d learned from Genji who’d heard it from Cassidy, that Baptiste used to be a part of Talon. That was all Hanzo needed to know, to understand.
Yes, he’d been making leaps and bounds. His brother and Baptiste continued to make sure he knew so. However, that did not mean that Hanzo was not his father’s son. Hanzo was prideful, emotions were a struggle, mistakes weren’t allowed, and failure was taken roughly. There should have been no issues with the mission - there should’ve been no room for slip ups. And, yet, somehow Hanzo had managed it. It’d been him, Baptiste, Winston, his brother, and Tracer. Hanzo’s job was what it’d always been - providing cover fire while ensuring the coast was clear for them to proceed. There’d been a few hiccups, nothing dire. Genji and Baptiste had cracked a few jokes over comms. He chided them both, but felt his muscles relax minutely as he listened to them both.
In fact, he’d opened his mouth, prepared to joke back - even knowing it likely wouldn’t land. It’d been his first mistake - allowing himself any sort of relaxation. An enemy had snuck up on him, resulting in a struggle. Of course, the team had heard him over comms and despite his grunted assurance that he had it under control, his brother had said he was on the way. Hanzo paid it little mind. After dispersing the first agent, he’d quickly found himself in a tussle with another. He was irritated. This shouldn’t have happened in the first place. Hanzo rolled away from the agent, loaded an arrow, and fired a shot just as a flicker of light drew his gaze for a split second. But, that’s all that was needed.
The arrow missed his intended target. Instead, he watched as the arrow embedded itself into his brother - right behind the agent. His brother, who was only a cyborg, and very much still had human parts to him. Hanzo remained in the position he’d been in when he’d fired. Knelt on one leg, bow raised, and fingers poised close to his quiver to draw yet another arrow. The agent fell to the ground after Genji dealt with him. Genji was speaking, Hanzo knew this, though it sounded like his head was dumped under water. He blinked slowly and watched Genji pull the arrow out his shoulder and toss it aside like it was nothing. For a second, he saw the bloody and battered face of Genji from ten years ago.
“
Aniki?”
Concern colored Genji’s voice despite being the one that'd gotten shot. Hanzo blinked again, seeing him hovering nearby, a hand held out to him. “Are you alr-”
“I’m fine.” Hanzo snapped. He rose to his feet himself and ignored his brother's hand. “I told you I had it handled.”
“Sure you did.” If Genji noticed Hanzo’s lapse in response and change in attitude, he let it drop. “Let’s join the others. It didn’t hit deep but your arrows still hurt, you know? You didn’t do that on purpose did you?”
A joke, obviously, judging by Genji’s mechanical laugh as he turned away. Hanzo was glad he’d turned away. It made it easier to pretend his fingers weren’t shaking as he grasped his bow in a sweaty grip. The others didn’t make much of a fuss once Genji explained what happened. Hanzo took his seat on the Orca as far from the others as he could. He didn’t notice Baptiste’s concerned glances sent his way as he’d checked on Genji’s shoulder.
No, he was more focused on internally arguing himself down to notice that, or the state of his own body. It was hard to recognize the oncoming signs of a panic attack when you deemed yourself above them. Instead he kept seeing the playback of that night ten years ago when he’d faced his brother, sword in hand. He tried talking himself out of it, disputing details of that night against the current day. ‘ It was raining that night’ he’d thought, then quickly tried to conjure up the sunny day he’s sure he’d just seen but found himself unable to. ‘ Only Genji’s shoulder was injured by the arrow’ he tried to rationalize, but recalled the blood that covered Genji nonetheless. No matter what he did, he was still there.
It was hot on the Orca, he thought vaguely. He could feel his body wracked with chills and the sweat dripped down the side of his neck. The rock of the airship had him nauseous, and his chest tight from the altitude. It was hard to breathe.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“ Hanzo.” It was the third call that slowly roused his attention. The Orca was empty (had they landed?) and Baptiste was knelt in front him with a pinched expression. “You with me?”
It dawned on Hanzo, hazily, that he’d bent over at some point. He held his bow with a tight grip and he struggled to draw in air. Like his throat was swollen, and his mind in the air. All was quiet except for the blood pounding in his ears.
“Can I touch you? Is that okay?” Hanzo jerkily nodded his head. He watched, like a spectator, as Baptiste carefully pried Hanzo’s hands off his bow and set it aside. Baptiste allowed Hanzo to grip his hands instead.
“Do you know where you are?”
‘ The Orca ’, Hanzo’s brain helpfully supplied. Quickly replaced by ‘ Home’. He shook his head.
“The Orca. We just landed,” Baptiste said. He kept his tone low and even, holding Hanzo’s gaze the entire time. “Genji -”
Hanzo’s breath hitched and the corners of his vision darkened. Baptiste removed one of his hands and squeezed the one he still held. “Genji is okay. You’re not back in Japan.”
Baptiste placed Hanzo’s hand on his chest and gave him a gentle smile, “Try and follow my breathing, okay?”
For a second irritation flared at the treatment, like he was a child that needed direction. But, when he failed to draw air into his lungs to be snippy, he shut up. Hanzo closed his eyes. It took far too long for him to actually copy Baptiste’s breathing. His breath was too quick, too sharp, and heartbeat too jagged. Then it was too slow, Hanzo holding his breath until it hurt to try and stop himself from breathing too rapidly. Baptiste made no other comments, letting Hanzo finally work it out himself. When he finally did and slowly opened his eyes, Baptiste was waiting for him.
“How many fingers am I holding up?”
Hanzo looked at him blankly. His nerves were still fried and tender. He felt opened up in ways he didn’t like - exposed. Though he tried to draw himself up and seem put together, he didn’t think he succeeded. Despite the immediate want to close up, he didn’t tear his hand out Baptiste’s. The warmth was grounding. “You aren’t holding up any.”
“See? Trick question.” Baptiste winked - Hanzo could see the relief in his eyes. “...Are you okay?”
“....,” Hanzo did not answer. Instead, slowly he leant forward, waiting to be pushed away or redirected, and rested his forehead against Baptiste’s. “...A few more minutes, please.”
“Take all the time you need.” Baptiste rested his free hand on Hanzo’s back, and Hanzo allowed his eyes to shut. “...Or as much time as your brother would allow us. It was a fight to get him to leave the Orca.”
“What did you have to offer him?” Despite the exhaustion tugging at his entire body, there was a faint amusement in his voice.
“You don’t even want to know.” Baptiste huffed. Hanzo opened one eye and took a peak at the side of Baptiste’s face. There was a small smile on his lips and a gentle look in his eyes that Hanzo’s sure he wasn’t meant to see. “But, it doesn’t matter. The choice was worth it.”
Hanzo would never accept the string of failure or the things that followed it. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever truly come to terms with his past choices, or that he’d reach redemption. But, he figured if people believed he could, it wouldn’t hurt to put a bit of trust into their belief in him.