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What happens when you finally obtain everything you aspired to do?
Claiming the crown of Karsus after the victory at Baldur’s Gate was mine… or rather, it was your victory.
It’s been months… or has it been years? Eternal time spent in the Outer Plane goes differently when your greatest accomplishment is your biggest mistake. I gained everything I wanted with my ascension to godhood at the cost of everything that truly mattered to me.
Who knew that a tiefling with brain worms and one eye would be the one to pull the famed ‘wizard of Waterdeep’ from Mystras grasp? What caught my attention to you was the way you listened to me. All my woes, my aspirations and my long lasting lectures on the proper use of a fireball spell and how to gauge how large it would be to not burn your companions to the point of almost death. You must have listened because the blow ups were much fewer afterward.
At first, I thought you were simply being friendly. Merely humoring the wizard that could level a city with the slightest provocation. Though Astarion would certainly poke and prod to try to get me to bristle. He would quip that I looked at you like a lovesick puppy and acted as such once you were out of earshot. When he suggested the idea of you potentially feeling the same way, I brushed it off at first. But when the ‘Blade of Frontiers’ himself, Wyll Ravenguard, started making his intentions known, something cold and foreboding formed in the pit of my stomach. As if one catastrophic magical orb of massive destruction wasn’t enough, there was now another emotional one resonating in me. It felt heavier than the orb I had been charged with detonating to deal with the Absolute.
But when you found out from Elminster what Mystra was asking, no, demanding of me, there was a spark in your eyes. You were upset for me, I could tell by the way you gripped at your weapon, ready to fight for me even though we all knew it would be useless against the elder wizard. You defended me and made a promise that you would find another way; any other way than my called upon sacrifice. It was that restless night that I realized what that cold weight in the pit of my stomach was. That green eyed monster, jealousy.
I wanted to be the one who you glimpsed at with a soft gaze. To mutter sweet nothings in your ear to make you giggle and blush. So I took that chance.
I cast a projection of myself to direct you to the small clearing where I had been contemplating my thoughts about the future… however long or as short as it would be. From there, I decided to be bold and…
“One moment with you could sate me for a lifetime and prise the fear from my heart. I’m so very glad you came to share this with me.”
Seeing the way the light from the magic I cast made your eyes glow gave me the rest of the courage I needed.
“You must know that you are…” I remember hesitating but pushed through that fear, “you’re very special to me.”
I couldn’t stop, not while I had worked up the courage to risk it all. To bare my soul.
“If things were different, if we were home I’d take all the time to do things properly. To say it all better… but time is short…”
I remember the fear I felt in the pit of my stomach but I carried on. The words that I’d eventually regret as it led to so much pain for you.
But looking back now after everything… I’m sorry, it’s incredibly selfish but I would still do it all again. I’d definitely change how it ended.
“I’m in love with you.” I confessed, my eyes staring into yours.
The way yours widened in surprise and then softened. You replied with the words I sorely wanted to hear, “I love you too, Gale.”
After, I promised to use the weave to give you an explosive night that you truly deserved. But… you wanted me. You wanted Gale DeKarios, not the famed ‘Gale of Waterdeep.’ Gale the man, not the cautionary tale.
That should have been enough. Enough to assuage me from my pride and ambition. You could always see the good in anyone, even if they didn’t see it, themselves.
You helped extend Karlach’s life and gave her the ability to touch others in the few days she had with us. You gave a vampire spawn a second chance to regain the humanity he thought he lost at the hands of his cruel sire. You who saved the famed Duke Ravenguard and reunited him with his beloved son. Opened a stubborn Githyanki’s eyes and freed the prince Orpheus from his astral prison. A new age for Lae’zel’s people. You who helped Shadowheart find her parents and her freedom. Reunited Minsc and Jaheira after a century of being apart. You broke the shadow curse, defeated a Netherbrain, became a champion of the people. You who gave a broken and beaten down wizard a second chance at unconditional love.
And in the end, my pride and lust for power wouldn’t allow me to be humble and be second to you.
So I left.
I left you broken hearted with a stunned look on your face as if I stabbed you in the chest on that dock after your victory. Maybe you would have preferred that over what I did.
I craved power even as you held my hand in an attempt to keep me with you… I couldn’t bear it so much so I allowed the True Love’s Caress ring to slip off of my finger as I pulled away. We used them as makeshift promise rings that if and when we were freed from our tadpoles… we’d start our lives together.
We had fantasized that we would return to Waterdeep where you would meet my mother for the first time. Then after the wedding we would return to Baldur’s Gate where I would have become a professor as I told you I wanted. You wanted to resume your career as a Bard but of course everyone wanted the famed savior for themselves so money certainly wouldn’t have been an issue. We agreed on two children to raise and for Tara and my mother to spoil and fawn over.
But I ruined that dream for you.
Thanks to our beloved companions, you did have several shoulders to cry on. They took shifts to comfort you and then to curse my name. I deserved to be called all the nasty things that they whispered to each other after you left the room. They never blamed you for anything even when you blamed yourself. I owe them everything for helping you in the dark depression I had thrown you in.
You did reunite with Tara and informed her of what had happened to her dear ‘Mr. DeKarios.’ She was less than pleased and threatened that she’d sharpen her claws on my books if she ever saw me again. You, in all your sadness, asked if she would lead you to Waterdeep. She agreed and the two of you made the long and dangerous journey from Baldur’s Gate.
I could tell that it hurt you to visit as my mother and I are so alike. The crinkle of our eyes when we laugh, the way we used our hands to wildly gesture during conversations… but it felt like closure for you. You’d even keep in contact with her through letters and occasional visits.
When I became the source of the Karsite weave, I’d used my powers to check on you… did you notice? The occasional vision or glimpse of me? The random dream I would use to try to reach out. I wanted you to call out to me. To want to see me after all the hurt I caused but alas my pleas went unanswered.
I’m not sure how much time had passed after our victory when I noticed that you and Wyll reconnected upon your return to Baldur’s Gate. It started as just friendship but I saw the look in his eyes. I had that look in my eyes, too, once upon a time.
One night, the only time you spoke to me…
“Gale? I know you’re here but please… you did all the talking when we were together so it’s my turn to speak.
I need you to stop, Gale. Don’t appear to me. Stop trying to contact me. I’ve come to accept that I’m never going to see you again. I need to move on and you need to let me go.
Wyll confessed that he still loves me and is willing to move forward with our relationship and I want to do the same.
I forgive you for leaving.
I just hope it was all worth it for you that you got everything you wanted. I would have loved you until the end of my days if you had let me. And in some small way, I still will. I’ll remember those magical nights together but I’ll cut out my own tongue before ever calling for you again. Goodbye, Gale.”
Those words stung more than any blade, any spell… anything. They will haunt me for the rest of my days. Of course, I wanted you to be happy but I realized too late that I wanted to be the one to give it to you.
Some more time passed and my check-ins were fewer and fewer. I’d catch glimpses of the two of you. Curled up in your new lover’s embrace with Wyll being careful to avoid your curved horns while you both slept. We used to joke that you’d need to put corks on the ends of your horns before bed so you wouldn’t take an eye out if we cuddled.
It looked like you took that advice as you slept contently in his arms… before I realized, your wedding day or… night as you had wanted Astarion to join in the festivities unperturbed by the sun, arrived. You looked beautiful and were a vision. I said a small prayer for you to live a happy and beautiful life with Wyll as you both exchanged vows proclaiming your love for each other. That spark I saw that died that day on the docks returned to your eyes as you looked up at Wyll. Lucky bastard.
And he knew it, too. He treasured you, showered you in the love you deserved. You were first priority for him and he let you know it.
I hate myself more so now than when Mystra cast me aside. Gods are fickle, cruel beings whose attentions are only focused on who’s the most useful to them at the time.
The next time I peeked in on your life, you had two children running around with a third bouncing on your lap. One of them asked you and Wyll after a story time with a very much condensed version of the battle with the Goblins at your first meeting with Wyll.
“Mama, are you papa’s first love? And is he yours?”
You both hesitated before Wyll found his words first,
“No, your mother and I were not each other’s first love…”
“… but he is my greatest!”
You finished with a peck to his cheek.
I couldn’t see any more.
Time may go on but I will never forget you. In your absence, I keep ruminating on my choices that led me here… instead of Gale the Great… I am Gale the Fool.
Now instead of Mystra’s visage, I project you in my loneliest moments. When we first met, when we first told each other we loved each other, when you said you wanted me, not my magic and that I, alone, was more than enough for you. I’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loved me so deeply and unconditionally.
The grateful city rightfully replaced Balduran’s statues with your visage. When you died the entirety of Faerûn mourned as they should have. Your song would be sung for ages to come ending with your ‘great love’ The Blade of Frontiers.
And now I’ve damned myself to an eternity away from you. I’m sorry.