Chapter Text
> Karkat: wait impatiently for this random girl to leave
Your name is KARKAT VANTAS. You’re seventeen and almost free from high school.
You work at 7/11 and currently this RANDOM GIRL with blue hair won’t leave.
Your shift is nearly over but if she’s still here before TEREZI PYROPE, your CO-WORKER gets here, you’ll have to stay.
Eventually she slowly meanders to the register. She places two lemonade Monster Energies, a Snickers, and a Bang energy down on the counter.
You try not to judge her as you ring it up.
She’s wearing a Chick-Fil-A uniform and has acrylic nails, last time you checked those weren’t allowed in the food industry.
She suddenly starts talking about Overwatch or something and how her pal EB is always busy.
You literally couldn’t care less about this girl’s life or crappy friends.
She finally leaves and gets into a trashy blue subaru. Without a front license plate.
As she leaves, you see there’s no back license plate either.
God, Americans,
Your brother (and legal guardian) messages you,
Ugly rat bitch [9:27 PM]
Kat, d9 y9u need a ride?
You [9:27 PM]
MY SHIFT ISN'T OVER.
Ugly rat bitch [9:27 PM]
I’m well aware.
You [9:28 PM]
OK??? THEN WHY ARE YOU ASKING?
I’LL JUST GET A RIDE FROM SOLLUX
Ugly rat bitch [9:28 PM]
Are y9u sure? I’d 6e happy t9 drive y9u,
You [9:29 PM]
YES I'M SURE.
You grumble and pocket your phone, hoping he doesn’t just show up anyways like he did last week.
When a beat-up red pickup-truck pulls into the parking lot, you cover your face with your hands and groan. You then register that it’s your coworker who climbs out of the passenger seat.
Thank gog.
> Karkat: wait on the curb for Sollux
You sit on the curb and play HELLO KITTY: BIRTHDAY ADVENTURES on your DS, technically the game is your friend NEPETAS BOYFRIENDS BOYFRIENDS’ but it’s a little confusing to keep track of her platonic boyfriends.
> Karkat: check the time
Ok you’ve been playing HELLO KITTY: BIRTHDAY ADVENTURES for an hour and a half, where is Sollux?
You text him.
You [10:47 PM]
SOLLUX WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!
INCEL [10:50 PM]
iim on my way je2u2 chrii2t KK
You [10:50 PM]
HURRY. MY DS IS LOW BATTERY.
INCEL [10:52 PM]
What game?
You [10:52 PM]
OBVIOUSLY THE SECOND BEST GAME AFTER STARDEW VALLEY ASSHOLE
INCEL [11:00 PM]
2o that 2tupiid hello kiitty game you 2tole from that one guy liike two year2 ago
You [11:00 PM]
YES AND I DID NOT STEAL NEPETA’S BOYFRIEND’S BOYFRIENDS GAME
I MERELY BORROWED IT.
ALSO WHY DID IT TAKE YOU SO LONG TO REPLY?
He doesn’t reply to that one.
But his ugly minivan pulls up in front of you instead.
It’s an ugly green-ish yellow with red and blue stickers all over the back and uncomfortable leather seats that have been torn up since you were five. You slide into the passenger seat.
“Hey,” You mutter, pulling out your nearly dead DS.
“Hey lother,” He scowls, pulling out of the parking lot.
You spot Kankri’s car as he does.
That loser.
You pull out your phone, sigh, and close your DS.
You [11:09 PM]
DUDE WE ALREADY LEFT.
He doesn’t reply, which makes sense considering that he doesn’t even let anyone speak while he’s driving. (Which Cronus does anyway.)
After about three minutes, he replies.
Ugly rat bitch [11:12 PM]
Where are y9u, Kat?
You [11:12 PM]
SCROLL UP, UGLY HEAD.
Ugly rat bitch [11:13 PM]
Karkat, we’ve talked a69ut 6eing insensitive t9wards pe9ple with skin c9nditi9ns.
Calling s9me9ne ugly can 6e seen as 9ffensive and a pers9n with very l9w self esteem like y9ur friends, can lead t9 seri9us c9nsequenses.
You [11:13 PM]
I’M BLOCKING YOU AGAIN.
Ugly rat bitch [11:13 PM]
Karkat, if y9u 6l9ck me I will just get Mituna t9 hack y9ur ph9ne like last time.
You [11:14 PM]
I WILL REANIMATE DADS CORPSE ON YOU.
Ugly rat bitch [11:14 PM]
That is highly 9ffensive.
I am 9ffended.
You [11:15 PM]
K
Ugly rat bitch [11:15 PM]
This isn’t like y9u, Karkat.
You [11:15 PM]
WHAT WORLD ARE YOU LIVING IN?
K I’M BLOCKING YOU NOW SEE YOU WHEN I GET HOME.
> Be Kankri, flabbergasted he was just blocked
“Cronus, my messages will not go through,” You say, rather frustrated and personally offended by your brother’s insensitive and uncharacteristic remarks. You hope he’s okay, personally you feel as if he’s changed lately.
Cronus, your totally not boyfriend, is not helpful.
“Chill, it’s not that deep, ‘Kri.”
“I just feel like he’s different.”
“Still a huge jerk, what’s the difference?”
“Cronus, you need to stop using such foul language. People get called those things by their parents sometimes. You could offend them.”
“Baby, I hate to break it to you, but nobody cares.”
“I am not a child.”
Cronus sighs and gets out of the car and slams the door, putting his hands on the side of his head and yelling something you pretend not to hear. He then ran into the 7/11, disappearing behind shelves.
You text him quickly.
You [11:30 PM]
Can y9u get me a gluten free, organic, carb free, dairy free, nut free, drink?
Cr9nus Amp9ra [11:31 PM]
Babe, i think thas just wvater
You [11:31 PM]
Well, can y9u get me a water?
Cr9nus Amp9ra [11:32 PM]
Yea i gotchu bromie
You [11:31 PM]
That is neither a w9rd n9r my name, Cr9nus.
> Be Cronus, losing his mind because he makes poor life choices
Your name is CRONUS AMPORA and you stupidly decided to go with your boyfriend KANKRI VANTAS; or more affectionately known to your friend group as KARTAS VARTAS to pick up his brother. You just got into an argument with him and now you’re impulse-buying a pack of cigarettes, a bang energy, and a water.
You grab the drinks and walk up to the register.
The girl at the counter has frizzy red hair and angular red glasses. She is rather quick when she rings up your items.
“Cash or credit?” She asks.
“Credit,” You reply, digging in your pockets for your wallet. It’s not there.
That’s right, it’s in Kankri’s ugly car!
So you pull out your phone, “One moment,” you groan.
You [11:37 PM]
Kri i left my vwallet in your car
Can you bring it to me
Kri <33 [11:38 PM]
Y9u mean y9ur c9in purse?
You [11:38 PM]
Yes.
Kri <33 [11:38 PM]
I will 6e 9ut sh9rtly.
God, he types like a tool.
God, he is a tool.
Eventually, your turtleneck-wearing-tool-of-a-boyfriend straunters into the 7/11, handing you your wallet. You pay for your stuff and earn a judge-y glare from Kankri when he spots the cigarettes. You grab the bag and take back your card, rushing out of the 7/11 and lighting a cig before Kankri can judge you.
The moment this man steps outside, he grabs your smoke and throws it at the ground.
“‘Kri I was smokin’ that.” You huff, reaching for another one.
“You know how I feel about it,” He replies, glaring at you.
“You know how I feel about it baby!”
He narrows his eyes and somehow frowns further.
“Come on, baby, it isn’t a big deal,”
“Cronus, enough. Drug usage ruins lives,”
“Honey, cigarettes won’t ruin my life, don’t be dramatic.”
Kankri looks like he’s ready to unload a 100k word rant at you, so to save face you roll your eyes and walk to the car.
“Look I’m sorry, sweets, I won’t smoke around you,”
Kankri nods, gets in the car and starts it. His face still reads furious.
You’ll just ignore it.
Out of sight, out of mind.