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“Brrrrr! I know it gets cold down here, but who turned off the heating?” Huggin complained, curling in on himself.
“It is strange,” Draxum agreed, continuing his trek to the old subway station. “Being cold-blooded reptiles, you would think they would try to keep the place warm.”
“And didn't Mikey send you, like, a reeeeally vague and kinda concerning text?” Muninn added, trying to drape Draxum’s hair over himself.
“Yes. I believe it said something along the lines of ‘Don’t come to the lair today, medical stuff’.” Draxum replied, air-quoting the text. When he first saw the text, Draxum’s first instinct was to get down to them as soon as possible. Who knew what the fools could have gotten into? Finally, he began to hear the chattering amongst the turtles. Pushing back a blanket they were using as a door, Draxum looked inside.
The turtles each looked miserable. Raphael and Leonardo were putting on some sort of full-body suit. Donatello was talking into his wristband as Michelangelo tried to back his brother up.
“If you guys get that bad after a RF run-in–” It was O’Neil. She was speaking to them through the wristband. “I don’t even wanna KNOW what it could do to me. Good luck!”
“She hung up!” Donatello called to his brothers.
“It’s fine, we’ve dealt with this before, we can do it again!” Leonardo said, tripping backwards.
Draxum decided to speak up. “Dealt with what?”
The turtles snapped their heads towards Draxum so fast that they likely got whiplash. “I THOUGHT YOU TOLD HIM NOT TO COME!” Raphael screamed at his youngest brother.
“I THOUGHT I DID?” Michelangelo yelped. “Barry? What in the name of Pizza Supreme are you doing here?”
Draxum waved his phone.“Your text worried me. What happened?”
“And why is it so cold?” Muninn added.
The boys looked at eachother. Michelangelo shrugged. “He’s already here.”
“It’s Rat Flu.” Raphael started. “Splinter started getting it when we were little, but it got more intense when we got older.”
“Rat Flu?” Draxum mused. “Could this be a side effect of the mutagen?”
“Maybe–put this on.” Donatello used the metallic arms from his battle-shell to shove three suits–much like the ones the turtles were wearing–in Draxm’s face. “If you’re gonna be here, you’re gonna need these. Stage one should be ending in roughly five minutes-forty-two seconds.”
Huginn and Muninn leapt at the suits, trying to shove them on. Draxum held the suit by his forefinger and thumb. “ Why? ”
Before the boys could answer, a loud crash came from nearby. Draxum turned his head, and was met with the sight of Splinter, sweating, hunched over, and truly looking terribly sick. Upon more scrutiny, he seemed also to be foaming at the mouth, and twitching mildly.
“Draxum! Put the suit on! We’re headin’ into stage two!” Raphael yelled as the rat hissed and began running at them all.
Instinctively, Draxum raised a few vines from the ground and latched them around the feral rat. While Splinter kept hissing and clawing at the vines, he seemed contained for the moment.
“I believe I will heed your advice on the suit.” Draxum said, sliping the bulky thing on. “Now, may I get an explanation on–this whole situation?”
“Well the first sign of Rat Flu is usually something like a normal cold.” Leonardo said, taking a few steps away from his father.
“A normal cold?” Michelangelo said, raising a brow ridge. “More like the worst cold ever .”
“Anyways–” Leonardo continued. “There’s seven stages. The first–Fever. The second–well, you can see it right now.”
Splinter hissed again, almost accentuating the point.
“You’ve split it into stages?” Draxum asked.
Donatello glanced from Draxum to Splinter. “Yes–as Nardo said, there are seven. Fever, Wild Rat Man, Captain Cuddle Cakes, Ninja Supreme, Karaoke Love Songs, Fan Fiction, and finally the elusive stage seven–”
“Must say ‘yes’!” The boys cheered in unison.
“Captain Cu–Wild Rat– Fan Fiction ?” Draxum sputtered, more confused than before.
“Yeah! Every year we have to make it through the seven stages so then we can ask Dad for whatever we want!” Michelangelo said, pumping his fist in the air, before rapidly bringing it down to his chest and dropping his head. “But poor dad.”
If his face wasn’t obscured, Draxum would have rubbed the ridge of his nose. “Doesn’t this seem selfish?”
Ignoring Draxum’s line of questioning, Donatello announced, “Nineteen minutes, stage two should be over any moment now.”
Draxum looked up at the rat, still dangling from the vines. “He looks awful.”
“Isn’t that much obvious?” Huginn asked.
“Be glad you weren't here last year–he shaved his whole body during stage one.” Leonardo groaned.
As hysterical as the thought was–Draxum still decided to tighten his grip.
“Awe! Look at my handsome baby boys!” Draxum was caught heavily off guard that the words came from Splinter. He seemed to have mellowed out, however, he still squirmed in Draxum’s grip. “Come give your papa a kiss!”
“Stage three.” Raphael sighed.
“Will I have to hold him this whole time?” Draxum asked.
“We would really appreciate it if you did!” Donatello chirped. “Makes our life easier.”
Draxum felt his mouth flip into a small snarl. “How long does each stage last?”
“Heeeey Draxyyy~” Splinter cooed from his vine prison. Great, it would seem Draxum was the object of affection now. “Come give me a hug, goat-man!”
“I will be staying down here, thank you.” He responded.
Unfortunately, for the next fifteen or so minutes, Draxum was subjected to annoying, flowery verbal expressions of affection. The turtles had slipped behind their father and were loudly planning what they were going to ask the rat for during ‘stage seven’.
“Have I ever told you I love your face?” Splinter asked, ripping an arm from confinement to reach for Draxum. The goat merely created more restraints.
“No and stop.” It was no use. He then spoke to the turtles, “How much longer will this infernal stage last?” Truely, the compliments were nice (especially coming from him. ) but there was only so much Draxum could take.
“Right about–” Donatello was cut off with a kick to the back. Somehow, Splinter had escaped the vines and donned a black ninja outfit. In one swift movement each of the turtle's suits were ripped to shreds.
“No! Not again!” Leonardo yelped. “Uh oh–guys, Donnie’s infected!”
“No I’m not! I am perfectly fine and Splinter didn't get me and WOW it is hot in here –!” The purple-clad turtle was quickly rushed off via Ninpō projection from Raphael.
“Okay, stage four and only one down–we’re still good.” Raphael said, seemingly more so to console himself. His self-pep talk was cut short as Splinter seemed to appear out of nowhere and scratched at the snapper.
This was getting out of hand. Draxum had to do something. With a swift hand flick, Draxum used a set of vines to fling Splinter away from the turtles. He vaguely heard one of them scream ‘QUARANTINE!’, but Draxum focused his attention on the ‘Ninja Supreme’ (At least he believed that is what this stage was called).
Splinter leapt up and threw three kicks directly at Draxum’s still suited up face. Draxum grasped the rat’s ankle and threw him across the room. Splinter quickly regained his footing and came running back at Draxum.
Using his vines, the alchemist was able to keep Splinter at bay for a while. After a particularly hard slam against the wall, the rat shed the ninja outfit and began to sing.
“We’re so close!” Michelangelo said, running up to Draxum, Leonardo in tow.
Draxum glanced around, noticing two missing faces. “Where are the gargoyles?”
“Dad got’em.” Leonardo shrugged. “Had to quarantine.”
“I see, now what is–” Draxum pauses as Splinter hits a note that shouldn’t be possible for the rat’s vocal range, “This?”
Leonardo scrunched his face, “Ugh–love songs. It’s infinitely worse now that I know he actually dated someone.”
“Leo, don’t even pull that–we can all hear you listening to those super-cheesy love songs.” Michelangelo said, crossing his arms and popping a hip out.
Leonardo tried to stutter an argument, but was pulled away by Splinter who twirled the slider around while he continued to sing.
“I’m assuming this means Leonardo is ‘infected’?” Draxum asked.
“Yup.” Mikelangelo said, already dragging his brother off. “Keep ‘em busy.”
Draxum glanced back at Splinter who zipped past the goat grabbing some loose paper and crayons on the floor. “Draxum! Come here!”
Cautiously, Draxum stepped closer. An ear flicked as he heard the youngest turtle return. “Did I miss anything good?”
“‘Anything good’?” Draxum asked. Michelangelo pulled out a notebook and pen from seemingly nowhere.
“Alright daddy-o, let's hear the fic ideas!” Upon a glare from Draxum, Mikey clarified, “Stage six: Fan Fiction.”
“That does not help.”
The rat started a spiel about something or other–the Yōkai had no idea what it could possibly be about. However he vaguely heard something about Lou Jitsu movies.
A loud sneeze came from Michelangelo. “UGHH NO!”
Draxum looked around and spotted the ‘quarentine’ station the boys had set up. He used a vine to drag the boxshell into the last open cell.
“Nooooo” Leonardo whined from his own confinement. “Only Draxum survived? Ughhh he’s gonna mess it all up!”
“Draxum! Ask for uranium!” Donatello sung, sliding down the wall. “You’re my faaavorite alchemist-dad! Pleeeeesssseeee-a ”
As flattered as Draxum was, he had a good idea of what he would do. The boys really seemed to want something from the rat. And since said boys tended to give the Yōkai hell–he decided it was his turn for petty revenge.
“Splinter.” Draxum started. Saying the rat’s name felt foreign on his tongue, but he pressed on. “To my understanding–during this ‘stage’ of your sickness, you will say ‘yes’ to whatever request someone asks of you.”
The rat stood there, still looking rather sick, a blank stare plastered on his face. He hated to admit it–but Draxum loathed seeing him like that. Damn Dr. Feelings and his ‘therapy’.
“I have one request.” Draxum said, a sly smile tugging at his lips. “Will you join me in watching a few of those new shows you’ve been rambling about?”
“YOU ASKED HIM FOR A MOVIE NIGHT?” Raphael yelled from containment.
“Of course! I’m assuming you want to sit in my chair?” There he was. The teasing rat who Draxum had grown to tolerate.
Draxum chuckled, finally removing the helmet of the suit. “Obviously, but only after both you and your boys get over this ridiculous fever.”