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After everything that had gone down between them, Zheng Yi Sao and Ricky, Edward was glad to be back aboard the Revenge. He and Stede had talked about their second breakup and now, they were back together. Everything was fine.
But was it? Was it really?
Because Stede was behaving differently. He was fidgety and nervous around Ed and the worst thing was the fact that he wasn’t as touchy-feely as before anymore.
In the morning, they had their tea on the quarterdeck. It was their tradition. Delicious tea, laced with a dollop of milk and seven sugars, just like Edward loved it. Just the two of them, sharing their morning, and Stede had always been adorably happy about that. But this morning, he seemed lost in thought and absent minded. Ed was watching him while sipping his tea. Stede seemed to be far away, his gaze out of focus and his shoulders tense. And Ed had no idea what to do about it. Ask Stede what was wrong? Make a dumb joke to distract him from his own thoughts? Maybe… maybe kiss him? Ed definitely wanted to kiss him.
So, he stepped closer to Stede and leaned in for a kiss. His movements seemed to bring Stede back to the here and now and their lips brushed slightly, but only for a split second.
“I should go and tell Roach what to cook for today,” Stede suddenly stammered. He turned around and walked away, climbing down the stairs to the main deck and Ed just watched him leave, staring at the back of his head with widened eyes. “What the hell is going on?” he asked. Ed almost heard Izzy roll his eyes even before he spotted him while walking down the stairs as well, leaning against the wall next to the door that led to the Captain’s quarters.
“Sometimes, you’re really as thick as horseshit,” Izzy drawled and Ed sighed. “And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Izzy looked up at him, his wooden leg glittering golden in the warm morning sun. “Edward. You told this man you regretted sleeping with him,” Izzy started, and before he could say anymore, Lucius’s scandalized voice called out to them.
“You did WHAT?” Lucius, followed by Black Pete, walked closer to where Ed was now standing next to Izzy. “That is outrageous! If the man I loved told me something like that, I’d look for the next plank to jump from!” Pete nodded. “That is really mean.”
Ed frowned. “But Stede agreed we wanted to take things slow and it happened too fast.” Lucius crossed his arms in front of his chest, looking up at Ed fiercely. “What exactly did you say?” he asked. Ed shrugged. “That our night together was a mistake.”
Pete, Izzy and Lucius all groaned loudly at the same time. “Oh for fuck’s sake,” Lucius said, shaking his head in disbelief. “You know how insecure Stede is! I’m sure that sorry little man is now thinking you didn’t like having sex with him or even worse, you don’t find him attractive!” Lucius stepped closer to Ed and pressed his wooden finger against his chest, glowering at him with an intensity in his eyes that was almost a little intimidating.
“Go and fucking talk to him!”
Edward had no idea when the relationship between him and Lucius had turned into this again, but he really appreciated the fact that the younger man was giving him advice. Again. Even though he also felt quite embarrassed about needing advice in the first place.
“I’ll talk to him,” Ed said and he immediately followed Stede to wherever he had disappeared. While walking away from the other three, he heard Lucius say “Those two are hopeless cases, I really do not get paid enough for this shit” and he just shook his head at those words and the laughter coming from Izzy. He was trying, okay?
After looking for Stede in the galley - he wasn’t there and Roach was quite confused since Stede hadn’t been there to talk to him either - Ed found him on the forepeak. Stede had wrapped one of his soft jackets around his shoulders and was watching the movements of the waves again, lost in thought.
“Stede,” Ed said after he had stepped out onto the forepeak and somehow, the way Stede winced at the sound of his voice hurt. “Y-yeah?” he asked and turned around to Ed who was standing quite close to him since there wasn’t that much space on this part of the ship. “Why are you avoiding me?” Ed asked and Stede averted his eyes. Ed saw he was swallowing thickly. “I- I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he mumbled. Before he could turn his back to him, Ed softly grabbed one of Stede’s arms. “But you are. You’re doing it right now, Stede. Talk to me, man.”
A deep sigh escaped Stede’s lips and he closed his eyes for a second. “Can we go to my room? I don’t - I don’t want to talk out here.” Ed just nodded and then followed Stede back to the Captain’s quarters.
“Look, I know when I said our night together was a mistake, I really didn’t mean it that way,” Ed started saying once the door had fallen shut behind them. Stede was standing close to the couch and he turned around to face the other man. The pain in his eyes stung and Ed just wanted to do something to make it go away.
“Oh? And in what way did you mean it then, Ed?” The Captain of The Revenge said, his arms still wrapped around his own body as if he wanted to soothe himself. “You know, for the first time in my life, I was with someone I love. With someone I really want to be with. And then, that person tells me that being with me has been a mistake. What’s there not to understand?” Tears were shimmering in Stede’s eyes now. Ed took a step toward him, but Stede shook his head. “It fucking hurts, you know? I’ve never enjoyed sex, with Mary it had always been more of a chore than something I liked. I loved being with you and you just… brush all of it away like it meant nothing.” He wiped a tiny tear off his cheek.
“Oh, fuck, Stede, it was not nothing to me!” Ed was at Stede’s side within a split second. He grabbed both of his hands, squeezing his fingers gently. “I love being close to you! Don’t you get it? It was just… you’ve been so upset because of what happened with Ned and maybe we just should have waited a little longer, that’s all! We wanted to take things slow and I was just so fucking scared to fuck things up again!” He frowned and then exhaled, frustrated. “I’m fucking sorry if you thought I didn’t like it or didn’t want you, because I fucking want you, Stede. I’ve never wanted someone like I want you, but I am really not good at this whole relationship thing and talking feelings and shit.”
That actually made Stede smile and Ed felt relief spread in his chest at the fact that warmth had replaced the pain in Stede’s eyes now. Damn. He loved those eyes so much. “You know, Ed, for a man that always says he’s not good at talking feelings and shit, you always manage to do so pretty well after all,” Stede said. He raised his right hand and placed it on Ed’s cheek, his thumb softly stroking over the stubbly skin there. “So… you do not regret being with me?” Stede asked quietly. Softly, Ed shook his head. “Stede, you make Ed happy, remember? That hasn’t changed,” he answered and his voice was as quiet and soft as Stede’s. A beautiful blush spread across Stede’s face and Ed smiled when his boyfriend leaned in for a kiss a moment later. It was an innocent and chaste kiss, but it made Ed’s heart race in his chest nonetheless, especially when he felt his boyfriend smile against his lips. “You make Stede happy too, Ed.”