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Kate was shaking so much. She still had a hard time realizing what had happened to her and how close she had come to no longer existing on Earth at all.
It all started that morning. Gibbs had received a call and the entire team had moved to an aircraft carrier where a murder had been committed. Until then, the investigation had been routine. She had worked in tandem with Tony to question the staff on board, while Gibbs and McGee had gone to question the family of the poor sailor murdered by a bullet to the head.
They were about to have questioned everyone in the damn boat when she and Tony heard a commotion on the upper deck. They had gone there running, as quickly as possible through these tiny corridors and all these staircases which were not at all well organized for easy navigation. And when they finally arrived, it was too late and another soldier was dead, sprawled in a pool of blood, his eyes bulging with fear. Kate immediately took out her gun, checking everything around for the culprit while Dinozzo took care of the victim's body and kept away curious people so as not to contaminate the crime scene. Kate had seen the silver glint of the gun without really understanding what she was seeing, and in the next second the gunshot had gone off. The shooter, who was not equipped with a precision rifle, had narrowly missed her, but the bullet had landed in the skull of an innocent brigadier who had the misfortune of finding himself a little too close to her. She hadn't waited to understand what was happening to shoot the culprit in turn, not like him she didn't miss her target, shooting in each of his legs so that he couldn't escape. Tony had taken care of recovering the assassin's weapon and the investigation had concluded itself.
But Kate was still in shock, she felt empty and groggy. Gibbs had taken her back to the NCIS quarters as soon as he learned what had happened and, worried about her, he hadn't wanted her to go home, still upset as she was. He'd poured her a cup of his own black coffee and excused her from filling out her report that evening. She was in no condition to do so.
“Kate… you’re going to have to shower… you… you have blood on you, the victim was really close to you and…”
She looked at her hands as if they were not hers and seeing the red stains on her clothes she suddenly realized everything that had happened. She now smelled the iron smell of blood and the fact that her hair was sticky and she felt like throwing up. Gibbs, once again very considerate, must have understood her discomfort, because he approached her and put his arms around her to give her support and security as best he could.
“I… I can’t move Gibbs…” she admitted after a moment, a little ashamed to react to these events in such an irrational way. But her legs no longer carried her, and she felt herself being pulled out of her body. Gibbs didn't say anything, he just hoisted her into his arms and carried her to the decontamination showers so she could wash off all the blood. There again she discovered that she could no longer make the slightest movement, and above all that she could not bear the idea of being separated from Gibbs. Then, hiding her face in shame, she whispered: “Can you stay?”
“Kate, I can’t shower with you… that wouldn’t be professional…”
“I don’t care… I need you…” she said even softer. “I’m afraid I’ll pass out if you’re not here. I really don’t feel well.”
Gibbs sighed, surely aware that any argument he might expose to her wouldn't work. So he put Kate on the floor of the nearest shower and he walked in still fully clothed, closing his eyes while Kate undressed and finally he felt the hot water running over him. This was truly a situation he never thought he could find himself in. Oh yes, he had already thought a thousand times about sharing a shower with Kate, with whom he was madly in love, but this was really different from his dreams and it was far from pleasant. What he could have given so that she wasn't the one who had to experience this! He would have given anything to be the one suffering right now.
He heard her crying softly and he cursed the universe for not being able to take her in his arms to reassure her. She was so close to him and yet he couldn't do anything. He wasn't the one who had the right to be there for her fully. With his eyes still closed, he tried to find the right words, but he was not a great talker and everything sounded hollow given the situation.
“Gibbs… I can’t get all… all the brain pieces out of my hair,” she said, crying harder. It was simply unbearable! And he couldn't do anything, nothing at all. But then something happened that he hadn't seen coming: Kate put her little hand on his chest and she said, in a pleading tone: "Jethro, can you wash my hair, I ...I don't mind you seeing me naked, it would never bother me, but now is not the time to talk about this...and I really need help..."
He was trying to silence his traitorous heart that had leapt in his chest at Kate's half-confession, and he opened his eyes, trying his best to keep them fixed on hers. The poor thing was indeed far from having gotten rid of all the remains of blood and other bodily fluids. She turned her back to him and he began to wash her hair with as much tenderness as possible and putting all his energy into making her feel a little better. He whispered reassuring words to her and did his best to keep her from dwelling on the horrible event she had just experienced. After a while, she was finally clean as a whistle, and she turned to him. He understood immediately that the trauma she had just experienced made her act in an uncontrolled and thoughtless way, because she leaned towards him as if to kiss him, and as much as he had wanted that for years, this was really not the right time nor the right place to do so:
“Katie… we can’t… not like that. You're in shock, you're exhausted, and you probably need to be able to control something to feel better, but this kiss... it would be wrong to kiss now. I can't let you do this, because your judgment is impaired by pain and our kiss must not be tinged with this sadness and despair. You would end up regretting it at one point or another…”
“You know… you could have just said you didn't want to kiss me,” she said, hurt, lowering her eyes so he couldn't see the new tears forming there.
“No, I couldn’t, because it’s not true. I want to kiss you, Kate, but not like this. I want you to be your true self to kiss me, I want what’s best for you.”
She looked up, now a little hopeful, and she smiled softly as she understood the extent of Gibbs' words. With a hint of shyness, however, she asked: “Can you still give me a hug, I really need a hug.”
Gibbs wrapped her in a clean bath towel and then pulled her close to him, hugging her in his strong arms and whispering in her ear: “Come here… Everything will be okay Kate, I'm here now. ”