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“I thought I’d find you here.”
Reki looked up from where he was staring at the sea from the top of the half pipe, his feet dangling over the edge of the narrow side of the “U” shape that had been overlooking the ocean with him. Langa walked up, board in hand, and set it down next to Reki’s as he took a short running start to join him at the crest of the ramp.
When he’d found Reki missing on an impromptu visit to his house and he didn’t answer his phone, Langa had first checked their regular skatepark only to find it full of other skaters that weren’t Reki.
That probably meant he came to the skatepark they called “the bad one” whenever it came up in conversation. It was old and ill maintained with cracked pavement and wooden ramps that looked like they were one hard bail away from crumbling.
Still, Reki had said it was nice to still be around skating even when he just wanted a place to sit and think. Langa had tried his best to make his voice soft and not like he’d somehow caught Reki, in case he really did want to be alone, but Reki shuffled over in the small space he occupied to make room for Langa next to him.
The setting sun cast him in a golden pink light that Langa wanted to focus on, maybe admire as they talked about skating, or the present Nanaka made at school that she couldn’t keep a secret from Reki, or the English assignment Langa was helping Reki get a good grade on.
“Hey.” Reki muttered, his voice low, and even Langa could tell something was off about the way he said it, tense and guarded, like there was a lump in his throat.
“You probably should have at least told your mom you were with me so she didn’t worry.”
“Hah, yeah should have thought of that.” Reki looked back out once Langa was next to him, and Langa mirrored his action, waiting for Reki to be ready to talk.
“Nothing happened.” He finally sighed, turning to look at Langa once again. “I just woke up feeling like crap and it felt like every little thing was specifically trying to make my day worse. And I know,” he said quickly like Langa was about to cut him off, “that it’s just in my head, but after a while I could tell nothing was going to make me feel any better today, so I just started… wallowing.”
“Wallowing?” Langa asked with a small smile, trying to keep the mood light.
“I don’t know, man!” He sighed again, deeper, and rubbed a hand over his face. “Like, I was already bummed, so I may as well feel sad about other stuff I’ve been trying not to think about as much.”
If Langa hadn’t, in the last year, gone through one of the biggest changes as well as personality shifts in his life, he might not have known what Reki meant. As it was, though, he completely understood.
“I get it.” He said, because people liked it when you understood hard to explain things about them, and Reki made him feel understood so much and he wanted to share that feeling with him.
Reki let out a mean sounding laugh, but the mean part sounded like it was directed at himself. “I just… It hit me that…” He stopped, looked away. “It hit me that I really almost lost you. We almost lost each other.” He quickly amended.
Langa frowned, the memories of when Reki was avoiding him coming to the forefront of his mind. He definitely got not wanting to think about this on days that felt like they were meant to go right.
“We didn’t.” He said, firmly. He knew Reki would stay by his side, knew that they were together now, skating infinitely with each other, but the thought of Reki still feeling like a part of him was stuck in the rain of that night made him hurt somewhere deep in his chest.
“I know.” Reki choked out seemingly surprising himself with the intensity in his voice, because he immediately drew back slightly. “I know.” He repeated. “Like I said, it’s not like this has been, I don’t know, weighing on me or something, but that’s scary to think about, y’know?” He rested his face in his hands, curling over himself, and then scoffed. “And it wasn’t totally about him, but… why’d it have to be Adam?”
“What?” Reki had lost him. Not completely, but he knew the fears Reki had were bigger than one man.
Reki growled in frustration. “I don’t know!” He blurted out again. “It was just… hard. Seeing you not even care the way he was—is around you when I… when I thought we…” He trailed off, not finishing his sentence despite how desperately Langa willed him to.
“Reki.” Langa put a hand on his knee and leaned towards him. Reki looked up and smiled before ruefully moving Langa’s hand back to his lap. “You know you’re important to me, right?” Langa had to see how much he had to say to get Reki back on track, but that was the most important thing.
“I know.” He said, like he was reciting lines.
“Reki.” Langa stressed.
“Langa.” Reki responded.
“Reki, if you ever left me again, I’d…” Langa didn’t know what he’d do. Probably lie in bed and stare at the ceiling a lot before heading to Crazy Rock and skating until his body was broken and bloody even if he didn’t feel anything in his chest because that was the only way he knew how to be anymore. But that didn’t sound like a very good dramatic threat to make. “…be very sad.” He settled on. “I’d be very sad.”
“Well, we can’t have that.” Reki rolled his eyes good naturedly.
They sat in silence for a moment.
“…And I’m sorry.” He said, wincing slightly at the memory of Reki telling him not to apologize. “I’m so sorry, but I know how much I—" He blushed slightly. “—care about you now. I wouldn’t leave you over Adam. I wouldn’t leave you over anyone. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.”
“Okay, okay.” Reki laughed lightly and pushed Langa’s shoulder. “Thanks, man.” He sat up slowly and pushed the hair that had fallen forward out of his face. His smile looked better when he looked Langa in the eye. Not a wide grin like he was used to, but somehow less sad that his previous attempts had been. “I was just rambling dude. All these thoughts have been bouncing around my head all day, but honestly, seeing you cheered me up by itself. I didn’t need a declaration of love or anything.” He blushed when he realized what he’d said, eyes widening, but he didn’t take it back.
Langa felt his heart swell. He wanted to ask Reki if he would like a declaration of love from Langa even if he didn’t need one. He wanted to ask why Adam really bothered him so much if he wasn’t scared of him anymore. He wanted to ask what Reki thought they were, what this growing something between them was as it slowly got too big to ignore. He wanted to ask if maybe, just maybe, Reki wanted to come over to his house and into his room and onto his bed and never leave again (except for skating related reasons, of course).
But Reki was having a bad day. Maybe tomorrow would be good, and Langa could ask him then. Or maybe he’d wait until Reki won a beef at “S” and ask before they part ways, still high on endorphins. Maybe Reki already had a plan to ask him. Langa wasn’t really in a rush, he knew he and Reki would be together on the next good day, and the good day after that.
Reki leaned against Langa slightly, and Langa felt the tickling sensation of his hair brushing his face. And then, so fast he almost found it in himself to miss it, Reki took Langa’s hand.
He’d been doing that a lot lately, Langa thought. Ever since the tournament ended he’d been a lot more touchy with Langa. Brief hand squeezes and full, warm hugs that made him feel tingly for awhile after they parted. He had tried to remember if Reki had been like that before the tournament, before their fight, but he found it hard to tell if his memories were rose tinted or not.
As the seconds kept slipping away and Reki didn’t let go, however, Langa realized this might be slightly different than what Reki had been doing as of late. He didn’t want to draw attention to it, slightly worried that doing so would cause the moment to slip away, or worse, the warmth of Reki’s hand, so he gently squeezed back and stayed silent on it. He leaned his head gently against Reki’s and watched the sea with him, the final traces of the sun disappearing into purples and blues.
“I care about you too.” Reki belatedly said. Langa almost laughed.
“I know.” He smiled as they looked at each other before letting go and sliding down the ramp to collect their boards together. He did know. He knew so deeply it made him feel like he was burning sometimes.
Maybe he’d schedule a beef with Reki next time “S” was on. Then Reki would be excited no matter who won. Not that Langa was going to go easy on him.
Once on their boards, Reki gave him an easy grin and made a conspiratorial face at him. “Beef to my house? Winner gets the bigger portion of leftovers.”
Langa smiled back. “You’re on.”