Work Text:
Fire.
Smoke clouding her vision, burning her eyes, panicked screams echoing down the hallway. Her steps heavy as she tries to find her way, someone bumps into her while rushing past in the opposite direction.
“Kate! Where are you?” Yelena shouts over the comms.
“We-- help-- out!” The garbled reply just leaves her more concerned.
“Kate!” She tries again but gets no response this time. “Damn it.” She redoubles her efforts to keep going through the haze.
They need to get out before the whole building burns down.
Taking up the stairs to the next floor, she finally finds Kate slowly limping along the end of the corridor, blood dripping from her clutched side.
“Kate!”
Yelena rushes to her. The old building groaning all around with each of her hurried steps, a loud reminder of their impending doom.
They need an exit. Now.
Without a second thought, Yelena throws the hook of her zipline at the floor, grabs Kate and jumps out of the window.
“NO! What are you doing?! No, no, no!” Kate struggles against her, making it very difficult for Yelena to hold on to her during their rapid descend out of the building.
“Stop moving! Just hold on!”
As soon as they land Kate tries to find her footing, seeming determined to return inside. “Yelena, there’s still people inside, we have to go back!”
But before Yelena can try to stop her, the building comes crashing down.
She reacts first, moving Kate out of the way and trying her best to cover Kate’s taller frame with her own body in the hopes of shielding her from further injury.
Loose debris rain down everywhere and yet all she feels is Kate struggling under her, punching at her chest, screaming at her “I have to help them. Get off me!” Yelena holds strong to her position through it all, despite the growing dread at having to ignore Kate’s struggle.
Only once everything around them settles down does she step off Kate, who sits up slowly, looking on in terror at whatever is left of the collapsed building, tears running freely down her cheeks.
“Why did you- I could’ve saved them! How could you do this?!” Kate snaps at her furiously and it echoes louder than the ringing in her ears.
“I did what I had to, or we would have both been under all of that now!” She barks back, pointing at the wreckage.
Kate scoffs. “Is that supposed to make it all okay?”
The disdain lacing her voice sounds too foreign coming from Kate and it feeds into Yelena’s own frustration.
“I will not apologize for saving you. You are badly injured, let them take you to the hospital.” Yelena says, seeing the firetrucks and ambulances coming at the end of the road.
With that she takes off, intent on not listening to anything else Kate might have to say.
***
In her angry escape Yelena had instinctively come back to Kate’s apartment, to the place that had been her refuge as of late. However, that notion just left her feeling even more conflicted now.
She knew it was only a matter of time until their ideals would clash irreparably. She expected it to happen a long time ago, but she had grown comfortable around Kate and all but forgotten about that possibility. Why did she ever hope it could be any different?
Going further into the apartment she spots Lucky, who trots over to greet her. “Hey, Lucky. Sorry it’s just me. Kate is probably going to be away for a few days.” He whines in response, and she makes sure to spend a moment longer petting his soft fur. The action bringing comfort to both him and herself.
Stopping by the bathroom she can finally see how haggard she looks. Her face and hair are covered in soot, the smell of smoke still clinging to her. With a disgruntled groan she starts getting undressed but a sharp pain slows down her movements.
As her body starts to cool down from everything that happened tonight, she finally notices how sore she feels. Inspecting the damage in the mirror, she is unfazed by the new small cuts scattered across her skin, but a large hematoma is already showing on her back. Finishing undressing, she steps into the shower, lets the warm water relax her muscles and quieten her mind as she focuses solely on the simple task of washing up.
Against her better judgment she decides to pack a bag with some clothes and essentials for Kate’s stay at the hospital. The image of the blood-soaked archery suit not leaving her mind.
In her quest for clothes to pack she finds Kate’s favorite purple sweatshirt, the one she always slips into when she gets cold. Picking it up from the drawer Yelena stops for a moment, and for the first time feels how soft and worn it is. Immediately, she resents never having dared to reach out.
She takes the sweatshirt but instead of placing it in the duffle bag together with the other things she has been collecting for Kate, she saves this one for herself. A selfish memento of a life that never was.
***
This should have been easy, slip in drop the bag and leave. She had infiltrated countless high security facilities, and no one even knew she was there.
But then again, no one had ever affected her so. Or foolishly tried to match her beat for beat. So, it seems only fair that Kate catches Yelena in her moment of cowardice, as she places the duffle bag on the chair in the far corner of the hospital room.
“Yelena?” Grogginess and confusion coat her voice.
“I was just dropping off a few things for you. I will leave now.” Yelena keeps her head down, eyes still fixed in the bag in front of her. She doesn’t feel brave enough to look at her and face the hatred she is sure now taints Kate’s eyes.
She hears Kate release a long sigh before speaking weakly. “Can we not do this now? Can you.. can you just be here?”
Yelena didn’t expect that. She thought her mere presence would be unwanted. But such a simple request? Perhaps even she could fulfill it.
Finally turning in her direction, she notices Kate slowly turning her hand, seemingly reaching for her and without a second thought she crosses the room to hold it within her own.
Only now does Yelena allow herself to search Kate’s face for the emotions she fears to find there. Grateful tired eyes stare back at her instead and she is reminded of Kate’s much too big heart, and how that is something that she, herself, will never be able to match.
“Okay.” She whispers, steadying herself before addressing Kate softly. “Yes, I am here.” Unconsciously, she starts brushing her thumb along the back of Kate’s hand. “You rest now, Kate Bishop.” Her only answer, a weak squeeze back.
And so, Yelena stays. To keep her company, to check on her recovery, to bring her snacks. During this time, few words are exchanged, just enough to assess how she is doing. Whatever truce they’ve established still feels too fragile, with Kate mostly keeping to her own thoughts, and Yelena not wanting to rush out a confrontation.
Still, Yelena always feels Kate searching for her presence, whether Kate is just waking up from a nap or coming back to the room from an exam. She takes it for a sign of the loneliness Kate must feel. With her father gone, Eleanor in jail, and Barton living happily in another state. She asks if she should call him, ask him to visit, but Kate refuses.
After a few days, Kate is looking much healthier, color having returned to her skin. However, this improvement means that the dreaded topic finally comes up.
“Were there any survivors?” Kate suddenly blurts out.
Yelena is caught off guard by the sudden question breaking the long silence that had settled in the room, but she had been preparing for it for days. “Yes, six. Two in critical state, three with severe and one with mild injuries.”
“Were they all brought to this hospital?”
“Some.”
“Do you know where the others were taken? I want to go see them.”
Yelena is about to protest but is cut short by Kate, who leaves no room for discussion.
“Once I’m cleared, I’m going to go see them. Maybe I can help with the medical bills or help them to find somewhere to relocate.”
“Okay, once you are cleared, I will take you there.”
Kate only nods in response but after a long pause speaks again. “I still don’t understand how you could just jump out and not care about what would happen to the people that were still there.”
In truth, it was more complicated than that. She did it to save Kate. The rest of the world could burn but she couldn’t lose her.
She was still refusing to acknowledge the full implication of such a feeling, but she was sure of her conviction. There was no denying it.
But how do you explain this to someone who believes there is always a way to save everyone? She can’t.
“I needed to get you out of there.”
“I was fine, I was going to help them-“
Kate’s quick dismissal has her up on her feet and approaching the hospital bed. “Kate you were barely on your feet, limping your way when I found you. I understand that you want to be a hero and live up to everything that stands for but I’m not just going to watch you sacrifice yourself. Enough of that...” By this point, Yelena is holding on to the railing on the side of bed to steady herself. Her throat constricting at the sudden rise of emotion, forcing the last words in a broken breath.
In contrast, Kate’s own voice is unwavering when she speaks. “I will always try to help people. I hate that you took that chance away from me. It was excruciating to watch it all come down and not be able to do anything. It reminded me of the battle of New York and how powerless I was. I don’t want to ever feel like that again. That is why I picked up a bow, why I learned how to fight, why I became Hawkeye.” And even though she is still covered in bandages and only half sitting in a hospital bed she holds the determination of a fierce warrior, leaving no doubt that who is talking is Hawkeye, the hero.
After a moment, Kate places a hand atop of hers on the railing, holding her gaze as she continues. “Thank you for having my back. But I need you to trust me, Yelena. Please, don’t just take the choice away from me.”
However, those specific words pierce Yelena like a treacherous knife, and she withdraws her hand from underneath Kate’s, recoiling away from the bed in shame. “That was never my intention.”
“All I ask is that, in the future, we discuss options so we can decide together, can you do that?”
This was not a simple request. After getting back her own autonomy, Yelena didn’t think she would ever have to consider freely giving away even this modicum of control. But here Kate was, still willing to give her a chance.
“I can try. But Kate, I’m no hero. I’ll choose what benefits me most, not what helps the most people. You need to understand that.”
“I do. I’m hoping we’ll be able to reach a compromise.”
For the moment this seems to be enough. And while the tension that has permeated their every interaction since that night does not dissipate, with this tentative agreement perhaps with time it will.
***
It’s been a few weeks since the incident, Kate has been steadily recovering and is now at a point where they have been slowly getting back into their routine of training and attempting to plan their next moves mission wise. And for just as long, Yelena has been driving herself crazy over what to do.
Kate is right, if they are to keep working together Yelena needs to trust her. And she does, way too much, in her own jaded opinion. But this is different. It’s not about trusting Kate to have her back in a fight, or to fire the perfect arrow to set up a zipline while she is mid jump. No. This is allowing Kate to see her heart, to know the truth about her past. It’s learning to be vulnerable around her. Ultimately, this about allowing herself to be cared by someone else.
“Hey, is everything okay?” Kate’s tentative voice breaks through her thoughts. However, the buildup of tense energy from her spiraling mind means she is still pacing the living room.
She notices Kate’s worried eyes and quickly avoids her glance.
“Come here, have a sit.” Yelena points to the couch.
“Okay…?” Kate moves slowly to sit on her usual spot on the couch. “What is-“
Yelena doesn’t wait for Kate to finish her question and just starts talking before she can think better of it and stop herself. She tells of her earlier memories, living happily with her family in Ohio, of sharing every moment with and looking up to Natasha, of how abruptly that life was stolen from her. The grim reality that was growing up in the Red Room and how everything got impossibly worse once they introduced the neurochemical agent into their regime. How, whether under subjugation or not, she remembers every single one, their names, what they looked like, where they were, which ones deserved it, the ones that didn’t, which ones begged… How she remembers all of this because she can’t forget.
The words are too cruel and not meant for Kate, but now that she’d started, it was all rushing to the forefront of her mind. And acknowledging these feelings was becoming overwhelming.
She turns away from Kate, blood pumping in her ears, breath leaving in harsh pants, her hands slowly clenching around nothing and yet she can feel in them the familiar weight of a gun, the gasping neck of a target, the warmth of freshly spilled blood-
A gentle hand on her cheek and the touch of soft lips on her forehead flood her senses. She leans into it, reaching forth to cling to the arm holding her in an attempt to ground herself away from the memories and the sudden dissociation. In response, Kate’s other arm settles around her back, enveloping her further in her warmth.
“You are safe. You are in New York, in my apartment with me, Kate Bishop, and Lucky the Pizza Dog.”
For as long as it takes, Yelena just focusses on Kate’s soft voice and presence as she regains control.
“Sorry, I lost- I did not intend to be so harsh.” She moves slowly away from the embrace seeing a turmoil of emotions on Kate that she can’t quite pinpoint, and curses at her own strained state for failing her in such a moment.
“It’s okay. Say it all, I’ll listen.” Kate takes a tentative step closer. “Thank you for trusting me, Yelena. I understand now that this isn’t easy.”
“I am trying. I want to keep working together but I’m afraid killing is all I am good for.”
“Don’t say that. They may have trained you to kill but you also learned to protect. All this time that we’ve worked together is a proof of that. You are so much more than what they forced you to be. Don’t forget that, Yelena.”
She wants to protest, has the one hundred different arguments that plague her darkest moments ready to be deployed. However, as Kate grabs her hand and pulls her along to settle down on the couch with her, those thoughts are effectively lost.
Instead, Yelena tells her of how she reunited with Natasha and together with her family brought down the Red Room. How she set out to free the remaining widows from chemical subjugation. How she came back from the Blip only to find that Natasha was gone.
“It was so good having her back…” Yelena says still lost in the memories. “We were actually going to move together to New York. Who knows, maybe you and I could have even met under better circumstances.” She attempts a joke amidst the wishful thinking.
And is met with Kate’s trademark wit. “Oh, I don’t know. I think getting thrown off a roof by your future partner makes for quite the story.”
Yelena hides her surprised double take but still needs to ask. “Partner?”
“Yes. Partner. Every Hawkeye needs a Black Widow. I’m pretty sure that’s like a constant in the Multiverse. So that means you are stuck with me.” A smug grin breaking through Kate’s features at the seemingly flawless logic.
“Whatever you say Hawkeye.” Yelena just chuckles at the implication that in the end it could really be that simple. That even when faced with her tainted past Kate would still meet her with acceptance.
It was hard to confront her own belief that she didn’t deserve any of this kindness, but she was not going to waste it.
She’ll fight to keep it, to accept it.
She has a reason for it now.