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The pedo-hunt.

Summary:

For their school project, Shuichi, Kaede, Kirumi, Miu, Kokichi, Kaito, Korekiyo, and Rantaro have to do a good deed.

And what's a better good deed than fighting crime?!

So, the eight teenagers go pedo hunting around the neighbourhood of Kashinobushi.

(Rest In Peace, pizza rolls.)

Notes:

Based off of the YouTube video by Brandon Rogers!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Shuichi stood at the head of the table, along with Kaede. Kaede held a sign board, brandishing it dramatically.

At the table in front of Shuichi and Kaede, there were fellow classmates Kokichi, Korekiyo, Kaito, Miu, Rantaro, and Kirumi.

Your probably wondering what's going on.

Well, these kids have to do a good deed for their school project. And what good deed is better than fighting crime?!

So these students are all going to work together to find a Rapist.

Don't worry, it's all normal.

A camera was set up in the room so the teens could record their project.

On the sign board Kaede held, there was the word Rapist in black marker. Above it is two labels.

"There is only one thing worse than a rapist." Shuichi spoke professionally, holding up one finger. He then leaned towards the sign board, and ripped off one label. Now that the label was ripped off, the word Child was revealed. "There." Shuichi gestured wildly towards it.

"A child." Korekiyo nodded in understanding, believing a child to be worse.

Everyone turned to stare at Korekiyo.

"...No." Shuichi said slowly. "A child rapist."

Shuichi then looked to the others. "And what is worse than that?" Shuichi once again leaned towards the board that Kaede held, and reached for the other label, tearing it away from the board, revealing the word Local. "A local child rapist."

"How do you know there's a local child rapist around here?" Kaito blinked at him, raising a sceptical brow.

"Kashinobushiguardian.com." Kaede nodded towards him, speaking authoritavely.

Kaede then dropped the board onto the floor and casually strutted towards the laptop set down on the table. She opened it up and showed the screen to the others, and the camera. "Kashinobushiguardian.com is a website that shows you if there are pedophiles living in your area." She gestured to the screen, where 'Kashinobushiguardian.com' was set up and open in the browser. "According to the website, it says that a pedophile has moved into our neighbourhood last night."

Kaede used the mouse to circle around a piece of text, saying that apparently a pedophile has moved in.

"However, in order to be able to see who it is, we have to get a membership which takes twenty-four hours to process." Kaede turned back to the camera, huffing and shaking her head.

Shuichi sat down at the head  the table now, and the camera pointed towards him as he spoke. "Twenty-four hours is too long of a wait. We don't know how many children they'll attack by then!" He shrugged. "It could be... Thirty kids for all we know."

"There's only, like, ten kids who live in this neighbourhood." Kokichi squinted at Shuichi, clearly bored.

Shuichi breathed out through his nose."Well... Then, he might get them twenty extra times."

The others all groaned in response to that.

"We don't know! We don't know." Shuichi raised his voice above all the simultaneous groans. "So, bottom line, I want you all to search this town from top to bottom. Go to places you don't usually frequent.

"Like schools," Shuichi gestured to Miu. She almost always skips class.

"Or gyms." Shuichi gestured to Korekiyo.

"Alcoholics anonymous..."

"Anything unfamiliar." Shuichi looked around the room.

Kokichi tapped his chin thoughtfully, nodding in understanding. "I'll go to a church." He gasped.

"Good." Kirumi nodded along, before frowning a little. "...For..you."

The camera was now directed and zoomed in straight at Kaito. "This is a message for the pedophile of Kashinobushi." The camera zoomed out to Kaito having his hands on Kokichi's shoulders, and Kokichi giving him the side-eye. "You think you could put whatever you want in his—" A noise-cancelling bleep interrupted his sentence. "—But we will be cramming justice up yours!" He raised a fist as if he were a superhero.

The camera zoomed in on Kokichi's face. He shook his head, sighing heavily.

"Kokichi, you're gonna be the kid for this pedo-hunt." Miu flipped her strawberry-blonde hair dramatically, examining her polished nails.

Kokichi scrunched his nose up. "Why?" He scoffed.

Miu rolled her eyes, looking away from he nails to look at Kokichi for a moment. "Because your..." Miu waved her hands about, shrugging. "Y'know."

Kokichi's eyes were thin as slits as the camera zoomed in on his face.


An introduction song began playing from the camera.

 

What?! If you're recording a group project, you gotta introduce everyone!

 

The camera blipped to Shuichi, tying his shoe laces on the floor. Kokichi, the one holding the camera, thrust the camera into his face and Shuichi smiled awkwardly.

Shuichi Saihara!

 

The camera then blipped towards Korekiyo, holding a STOP sign over his shoulder for... Whatever reason. Then, a kid riding a bike slammed into the stop sign and went toppling off his bike, knocked out on the floor. Korekiyo looked down and blinked at the kid.

Korekiyo Shinguji!

 

The camera blipped to Kaede, holding a phone to her ear. She turned to the camera and grinned enthusiastically. At least this one is normal... At least, it was normal until Kokichi went ramming into her and they both fell on the floor, so the camera just showed the two of them on a heap on the floor.

Kaede Akamatsu!

Kokichi Ouma!

 

The camera blipped to Kaito and Kirumi minding their own business and chatting contentedly... That is, until Miu jumped out of a closet yelling "BOO!!!". Kaito had a heart attack and pulled Kirumi close to him, practically crushing her in a death-grip. Miu cackled and pointed mockingly at them.

Kaito Momota!

Kirumi Tojo!

Miu Iruma!

 

The camera blipped to Rantaro hanging quietly from a chandelier, his arms crossed as he slowly spun around.

...It's a long story how he got there.

Rantaro Amami!

 

The camera then blipped and showed the eight of them in a line together.

"..." They all stood there awkwardly whilst intro music played.

Kokichi turned to Kirumi, a sly look in his eye.

"Hey mo—"

"I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER!"

She screeched.

 

"...Thank you for listening."


"Alright, Kokichi, you almost ready?" Kaito walked up to Kokichi, who was stood in front of a mirror.

Kokichi was applying makeup on. "Hold on, now. A boy's gotta take his time getting pretty." He said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice, flipping his purple hair.

Kokichi then turned to Kaito, running a hand down his chest dramatically. He gestured to himself. "You think all this was an accident?" He grinned cockily.

"Yes, yes you were." The camera turned to Miu as she sipped from a glass of lemonade.

"Alright, so you guys all know what the plan is, yeah?" Shuichi walked inside to look at the others. Shuichi, Korekiyo, and Kaede all stood near the stairs whilst Kokichi, Miu, Kirumi, Rantaro and Kaito all stood near the sofa.

"Using pedo-bait over here," Rantaro turned over and gestured towards the short curly-purple-haired boy. "To lure the suspect into 'justice'." He said with a bored tone of voice.

"Very good." Shuichi nodded in approval.

"Kokichi, take my purse." Kirumi tossed a handbag at Kokichi's face (definitely not on purpose guys). "They'll be lured in if you accessorise." She nodded in approval as Kokichi slung the bag onto his shoulder.

"This doesn't look like it belongs to you??" Kokichi squinted at Kirumi, looking at her and then at the pale pink handbag.

Kirumi looked over at Miu, who seemed to be too preoccupied with scaring Kaito with a ghost story to be listening to her. Kirumi then looked back at Kokichi. "...It's Miu's."

"Does it got money in it?" Kokichi raised a brow, his mouth curling into a snarky grin.

"Yes."

"Can I spend it?"

The camera zoomed in on Kirumi's face. She took her time finding an answer, but eventually spoke. "...Go wild."

"WA-HA-HOO!!!" Kokichi cheered.

"So what are the rest of us gonna be doing?" Kaede tilted her head a Shuichi. Since Kokichi, Kirumi, Rantaro, Miu, and Kaito are all going to use Kokichi as pedo-bait, that leaves Kaede, Korekiyo, and Shuichi.

"You, Kiyo, and I are gonna be going to the children's hospital to warn them about stranger danger." Shuichi smiled brightly at the camera. They are definitely gonna get an A+ for this!!!

"I don't understand why they call it vaginal birth, it's not like that's where the babies really come from." Rantaro stared into the camera, expression dark.

Everyone stared at Rantaro

Shuichi inhaled and exhaled, before clapping his hands. "Alright, let's go!"


Kirumi, Miu, Kaito, and Rantaro all sat outside of a house in a car they definitely didn't steal from a garage and watched as Kokichi skipped towards the door of the house.

"Oh, hey there." A man answered the door and grinned as he looked down at Kokichi, his tall frame looming over the shorter boy.

Kokichi placed his hands on his hips, beaming up at the man. "Why, hello there, Mr. Bushida!" He poked 'Mr. Bushida's' chest. "Don't you look handsome today?" He winked repeatedly. Kokichi knows Mr. Bushida because he's heard about him, but Mr. Bushida doesn't know Kokichi, so Kokichi can easily pass off as a younger boy. (Well... He is still sixteen).

Mr. Bushida cleared his throat, blinking. "Uh, thank you."

Kokichi kept winking at Mr. Bushida.

"Do you... Have something in your eye?" Mr. Bushida furrowed his brows in confusion.

Kokichi leaned back, ceasing his blinking. He contemplated his next move, before speaking again. "Could I come in and use your phone? My mom's passed out drunk on the floor and I'm aaaalllll locked out!"

"Funny thing is that's actually happened once." Miu smirked, recalling how Kokichi told her.

Everyone in the car turned to look at Kirumi.

Kirumi scrunched her nose up at them, crossing her arms. "I am not his mother." She gritted through her teeth.

"Look, look! Mr. Bushida is buying the lie!" Kaito gestured back to the house. Everyone could hear Kokichi talking because of the transceivers in their ears to communicate.

"And I am aaaaallll alone with noooo one to protect me." They could hear Kokichi speak. The camera zoomed in on the faces of everyone in the car, before zooming in on Kokichi and Mr. Bushida.

"Come on in, kid, we'll figure something out." Mr. Bushida smiled, and stepped aside to let Kokichi walk inside. Kokichi stepped past the door and into the house, but before doing so, he turned and gave a subtle little smirk to the others in the car.

"He's going in! He's going in! The pedo's got him." Rantaro reported whilst staring through the window with binoculars.

"Woah, woah." Kaito rolled his eyes and turned in his seat to look at the others. "We don't even know if he's a pedophile yet."

"Eh. I got a feeling 'bout this guy." Miu scrunched her nose up, squinting at the house. "I see 'im at the grocery store a lot. He buys a lotta go-gurt." She said authoritavely. The camera zoomed in on her pensive face.

The camera zoomed out as everyone in the car stared at her.


Shuichi, Kaede, and Korekiyo all stood inside a hospital room where a lot of children sat on the carpet floor in front of them. An elderly woman stood next to them.

"Alright, everyone, listen up!" The elderly woman smiled at the kids. "Today we have some special visitors here to talk to you about stranger danger." She beamed. "So let's use our ears and listen!"

The camera zoomed in on various kids.

The woman turned to Shuichi. "They're all yours." She smiled, and stepped aside.

"Alright, first things first, I need to know how many of you are contagious." Shuichi began speaking, clearing his throat and looking around to observe all the oblivious kids. "Because I don't want to be catching anything, you know."

The kids stared up at the detective innocently.

"Hey." Shuichi snapped his fingers. "I'm talking to you!"

The elderly woman stepped in, whispering to Shuichi. "Most of them having Leukemia, and it's not contagious!" She hissed, poking Shuichi's arm.

Shuichi sighed. "Yeeeaaahh, well, monkeys have AIDS and these guys," Shuichi gestured to Korekiyo, who stared at him, eyes thin as slits. "Thought that wouldn't spread either, sooo..."

The camera zoomed in on Korekiyo's face.

"Alright!" Kaede cleared her throat, taking over the operation (thankfully). The camera zoomed out of Korekiyo and pointed towards her. "How many of you know what to do when a stranger tries to talk to you?"

The camera turned to the kids, and a kid raised her hand meekly, before speaking. The camera zoomed in on them. "Walk away."

Korekiyo beamed through his mask. "Veeeery gooood!" He complimented, and fished through his pockets before pulling out a red wrapper. "You get one piece of candy." He threw the candy at the girl's face.

"Doesn't that negate the idea of taking candy from strangers?" Another kid spoke, raising her hand.

"Well we're not strangers!" Kaede scoffed, laughing a little. "We're your friendly neighbourhood crime fighters." She said proudly, hands on her hips.

"Aren't you just high school kids?" Another kid piped up at the back, eyes quite judgemental as he glared at them.

"Yeah, well at least I'm not dying." Korekiyo leaned in, smiling at the kids through his mask enthusiastically, until he said 'dying' and widened his eyes to stare eerily at them.

"I'd rather die than grow up to be like you!" A boy snarked, his eyebrows raised.

Shuichi inhaled and exhaled. "You know what, everybody? This little boy can talk to as many strangers as he wants because, quite frankly," the camera zoomed in on Shuichi, Korekiyo, and Kaede. "No rapist will want that in the back of their car."

The elderly woman huffed and shook her head, pinching the bridge of her nose.


Rriinngg!

A ringing sound came from the house as Kokichi pressed the phone to his ear. Since Kokichi asked Mr. Bushida if he could use the adult's phone, Mr. Bushida did just that and gave Kokichi a phone.

"It's ringing. My momma never answers the phone." Kokichi huffed, shaking his head dramatically. Kirumi, Miu, Rantaro, and Kaito were able to see Kokichi and Mr. Bushida through the house window.

"Here..." Mr. Bushida put an arm around Kokichi.

"He's making a move." Rantaro informed urgingly whilst watching through the binoculars.

"Try using this phone instead. It has better reception." Mr. Bushida smiled and held up a different phone. Turns out he just put his arm around Kokichi to reach for a different phone...

"Ugh, Mr. Bushida's just teasing Cock-ichi." Miu scoffed, still listening through the transceiver.

Kaito raised a brow at Miu.

"My mom's probably just passed out in the middle of her private party." They all heard Kokichi say through the transceiver.

Looking through the window, they saw Kokichi stand up, brushing himself down. "Well, thank you Mr. Bushida for all your hel—"

Thmp!

Kokichi stared at the ground as the transceiver fell from his ear and went thunking onto the ground.

Mr. Bushida saw, too.

The microphone inside the transceiver crackled and hissed on the ground.

Kokichi slowly stepped back, looking between Mr. Bushida and the transceiver.

Miu gritted her teeth together, and spoke into the transceiver. "Gorgeous girl genius with a golden brain to pedo-bait, your position has been compromised! Get outta there!" She urged.

Mr. Bushida heard what crackled from the transceiver and squinted at Kokichi. Kokichi blinked at Mr. Bushida before kicking Mr. Bushida's coffee table over and bolting out of the room.

Mr. Bushida sputtered and stood up from the sofa, but was unable to stop Kokichi as he darted away, his shoes squeaking against the floor.

Mr. Bushida sighed heavily, before looking out of the window...

Kirumi, Miu, Kaito, and Rantaro all blinked and stared at Mr. Bushida with wide, sparkling eyes.

Mr. Bushida gaped at them. "Hey!" He called out, beginning to open the window.

"Oh no, I think he can see us!" Kaito exclaimed, leaning out of the window.

Mr. Bushida stared at the four teenagers incredulously.

Kaito squawked and covered his face as Mr. Bushida stared right at him.

"That is it." Kirumi shook her head, opening a compartment in the car to grab the pizza rolls that Miu shoved in before throwing them out the window.

"Hey, my pizza rolls!" Miu wailed.

"We are getting out of here. Buckle up." Kirumi grinded her teeth together.

Rantaro furrowed his brows at her. "Woah, hold on, your son is back there." He frowned.

"He's not my—!" Kirumi protested, before groaning. "He is a minor, and I am not doing time for this." She scoffed, referring to how Kokichi was pretending to be a child. Kirumi hastily started the engine, and slammed down on the gas.

The car began screeching down the road, leaving tire marks against the street.

"AAAHHH!!!"

Miu shrieked, and her and Rantaro began to flail around in the back seat as the car swerved and crashed.

Kirumi Tojo is not as good of a driver as they thought.

"HEY!"

Behind the car, Kokichi began running at them frantically.


"How many of you guys know what a pedophile looks like?" Kaede smiled at the kids.

All the kids pointed at Korekiyo.

Korekiyo huffed, raising his hands and shaking his head as he turned away.

Kaede chuckled nervously. "Noo... That is... Not..." She trailed off, clearing her throat. "They can look like anybody!"

Shuichi brought out a piece of paper from his pocket, and showed it to the kids. "Thiiis is a photo of a real pedophile caught right here in Japan." The camera zoomed in on the photo.

Kaede nodded, trying to act professional as she gestured towards the photo. "Notice the receding hairline and thick glasses. These are the kind of people you want to avoid when walking home from school." She advised.

A man with a receding hairline and thick glasses walked in, holding a clipboard. He smiled kindly at the children.

"EEEEEEKKK!!!"

The children screamed and shrieked, running wild in the room trying to get away from the man.

"Calm down, it's okay!" The elderly woman tried to reassure them.

The camera zoomed in on Shuichi, Kaede, and Korekiyo staring wide-eyed at all the children, blinking rapidly and clearly distraught.

One kid hurled a football at the man, and the man went spiralling to the floor.

Kaede, Korekiyo, and Shuichi slowly began backing out of the room.

They then bolted out of the room whilst screaming.


"I'd like twelve ice cream sundaes, a banana split, aaaand... A root beer float.'

Kokichi was left behind by Kirumi, Miu, Kaito, and Rantaro. So he decided to go to the nearest diner and get whatever he wants. Cool plan, right?!

"That'll be 46.50." The man behind the counter informed, nodding towards Kokichi.

"Okay. Do you take cash?"

Kokichi reached into Miu's pale pink handbag.


Shuichi, Kaede, and Korekiyo walked inside Shuichi's dorm room, since that's where the eight of them had stationed their crime-fighting office. Kirumi, Miu, Kaito, Kokichi, and Rantaro all sat on the sofa. There were twelve ice cream sundaes, a banana split, and a root beer float set out on the table in front of them. And no, Kokichi has not told them where he got the money from.

The five of them whipped their heads around as they heard the others enter.

"How did you guys do?" Rantaro asked hopefully. Maybe they're mission went better than theirs??

"We don't wanna talk about it." Shuichi, Kaede, and Korekiyo sighed simultaneously.

"How did you guys do?" Kaede asked in equal hopefulness.

"We don't wanna talk about it..." Kirumi, Miu, Kaito, and Rantaro all mumbled in unison whilst staring at the floor.

"Oh!!" Shuichi gasped all of a sudden, staring at his watch. "Okay, it has been twenty-four hours, everyone, the membership has been complete!"

Everyone gasped and rushed to follow Shuichi, who ran over to the desk where the laptop is. The camera followed.

"Let's move, people! Let's go, go, go, go! This is the moment of truth!"

Everyone leaned over Shuichi's shoulder as he clacked on the keys of the keyboard, biting his lip. "It's time to find out who this pervert is..."

Shuichi entered the username (PedoAssassin01), and entered the password.

Everyone watched as the results blipped onto the screen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"...No..." Shuichi's eyes widened.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone began to slowly distance themselves from Shuichi.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the screen, there was a picture of Shuichi, with his name underneath.

"No, no, no, no!" Shuichi exclaimed, looking back at his friends. "This—the—this—this is an error." His voice wavered.

"I..." Shuichi muttered.

"NOO!!!"

Behind everyone, Kokichi smirked devilishly.

 

 

Later, Kokichi managed to steal the camera.

"Yeah, I put his name and picture there."

 

The camera zoomed in on him.

 

"Even if he's a sexy motorcycle, he pisses me off a little sometimes." He smiled innocently.


Miss. Yukizome, their teacher that organised the project, stared at the camera as the recording ended.

Shuichi, Kaede, Korekiyo, Kirumi, Miu, Rantaro, Kaito, and Kokichi all crowded around Miss. Yukizome with a hopeful look in their glittering eyes.

Miss. Yukizome slowly turned to look at the others.

 

"Okay. I'm sending you kids off to counselling."

Notes:

I took a break from writing the angsty shit and decided to do whatever this is.

...I hope you enjoyed???