Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

When Mu Qing opened his eyes, the tent was dark. 

The candles flickered under the light wind coming into the tent through the thin fabric doors. There was a table to the side with a jug of water and an empty glass on it with a small bottle of ointment sitting right by it. 

“Fuck…” Mu Qing got up slowly, a small groan leaving his figure as his back ached under the movement. He looked around the tent, wondering what he got himself into this time.

He ran a hand through his hair, in the back of his mind he wondered when he would be able to wash it again. It was horribly oily, and combined with the constant sweat on Mu Qing’s body, it didn’t do him any better.

Mu Qing looked down at his chest, finding a sharp pain coming from his chest. There were bandages wrapped around him, a few on his wrist, a bit on his ankle, and some on his neck. The bandages on his chest were stained red, it seemed that the blood seeped through the tight binds. 

Scarred fingers curiously touched the bandages before hissing in pain, the wound was very much still there. Mu Qing shouldn’t temper with it much, lest he should face further injuries.

“Keep on doing that and you’ll find yourself in that bed for another week.” a gruff voice commented, the vowels scratching the back of the man's throat. Mu Qing couldn’t see who the voice belonged to, the dim, flickering light barely gave away the identity of the great man. But Mu Qing could recognize that voice anywhere: Feng Xin. 

Mu Qing jolted, his hand jerked away from his chest and he turned away hurriedly, looking more like a guilty child rather than a feared General.

“Don’t sneak up like that.” Mu Qing snarled, his hands itching to find something to cover his body with. Feeling rather bare in front of the man before him.

But Feng Xin didn’t seem fazed, his face blank the longer he stared at Mu Qing. His golden eyes pierced him, sharp like a phoenix taking over what little Mu Qing had. Feng Xin didn’t say anything, instead choosing to shuck off his armor and throw it to some corner where it was bound to get lost in.

He took off his outer robes next, ignoring the disgruntled sound Mu Qing let out. Feng Xin looked at Mu Qing for a moment, looking back and forth between his robe and Mu Qing before dropping his robe over Mu Qing’s shoulders.

Feng Xin seemed… soft as he tugged it around Mu Qing’s hunched figure. He paused as his eyes flicked to Mu Qing’s chapped lips before clearing his throat and turning away with a slight flush on his face.

Mu Qing held his breath for a moment, curling his hands in his lap as he watched Feng Xin through hazy eyes, blurred by tiredness he seemed to hold for too long. He took in a heavy breath before exhaling, in and out. Over and over again until he could control it. 

“How long was I out for?” Mu Qing whispered, rubbing his hands together to try to warm up his body. He turned his head to face Feng Xin sitting on a nearby chair, his and clasped into tight fists as he stared back at Mu Qing with his mouth drawn in a flat line.

Feng Xin didn’t respond momentarily—as if he was thinking. He let out a sigh, and his chest fell with it. He buried his head into his palms and looked at Mu Qing through his fingers.

“...Three weeks.” 

The tent was quiet, horribly quiet. Mu Qing didn’t respond, rather his breath had stopped. He stared at Feng Xin with a wide-eyed look as the seconds passed.

“Liar.” he gasped, his speech so afraid. His hands trembled as his head shook from side to side. “You lie!” Mu Qing yelled, his voice wavered as it hung in the air.

Feng Xin looked up at the ceiling, as if acknowledging Mu Qing’s words decorating the tent walls. He looked lost as he tried to gather his words, his throat bobbing as he swallowed heavily.

“You were out for three weeks.” Feng Xin started, his voice weighted as he pulled at the string on his robes. Mu Qing’s eyes flicked up as he watched Feng Xin with a bated breath. “The last time we heard from you, your troops were headed to the western borders.” 

Mu Qing listened to Feng Xin speak and suddenly, he remembered everything.

His troops were headed to the western borders on the edges of Xianle. It was only supposed to be an overnight trip, they only had to guard the Western borders and keep the base informed.

But it all went to shit the minute the Yong’an troops surrounded them, an ambush. They were surrounded on all sides, with no way to escape. Mu Qing remembered that he tried to keep his head high as he moved his wrist with each Yong’an soldier making their way near him.

He was in charge of keeping his troops alive, if they were to die it would be in Mu Qing’s name. Mu Qing refused to let them go, war or not Mu Qing cared far too much. 

A few of his soldiers managed to light a talisman, where they got it from, Mu Qing wondered. His vision began to blur the longer he moved. 

One leg up, blood. 

A twist of his wrist, blood. 

Mu Qing turned around, blood.

Blood followed Mu Qing like a hungry beast. The flare lit fast, the talisman bright as it brightened the smoky sky. There was only one problem though, Yong’an troops would know they were there. Flying to the Western borders like hawks ready to feast. 

Xianle soldiers moved around Mu Qing swiftly, staying close to their General and fighting alongside him. Mu Qing did not remember anything, his grunts of pain and the constant gushing of blood falling from his chest were the only things he could think about.

But then again his mind was in a constant spiral, kill, kill, kill. 

Mu Qing couldn’t think. Mu Qing did not feel fit for war, the longer he fought, the longer his vision left him, he thought about his mother—he missed her.

The longer Mu Qing fought, the more he felt like a child fighting in a man's body. 

Mu Qing was only sixteen.

“We found you with several wounds. Most were minor—simple scratches rather than large ones. There was though… a saber in your chest.” Feng Xin paused as if staring at the bandages wrapped around his chest. “If we were to find you any later, you would've died .”

Mu Qing turned around for one moment, his eyes suddenly trying to focus as he ignored the blood running down his chin.

Someone crept up behind him, a sword to his neck.

The soldier smirked, as if enjoying the way Mu Qing writhed in his arms, trying to find a way to escape. His dirty breath whispered in Mu Qing’s ear.

“Famed General of the Xianle Army is merely a child! A scrawny little boy trying to escape.” a harsh laugh left the soldier, choosing to ignore the blood that started to bead against sharp metal. “Never would I have thought that I would have something like this in my arms. I would have expected someone… better.”

Mu Qing struggled in the soldier's hold, pushing his elbows against the man's chest as he held his breath. One wrong move and then Mu Qing would die. 

The soldier stared at Mu Qing’s face for a moment, deciding what to do, a sly look on his face as he lined Mu Qing’s figure.

Mu Qing didn't speak—he couldn't. If Mu Qing was afraid, he would not let it show.

“I’ll spare you from this, General,” the soldier dragged a finger across Mu Qing’s lip, his wretched smirk only growing in size. “You are too feisty for me.”

Mu Qing choked as the soldier shifted the sword sitting on his neck, digging it deeper until it broke barriers to reach soft flesh.

Mu Qing grunted, he didn't speak, refused to speak. He was bleeding and his mind was foggy. He was on the brink of consciousness, any moment now he would fall to the floor and say goodbye to the wisps of life.

The soldier attempted to pry open his mouth with his fingers, but Mu Qing was faster. He bit the soldier's finger and scrunched his face when he tasted his own blood.

The soldier flinched and threw Mu Qing’s body to the ground. “You little fucking—” the soldier looked down at him as Mu Qing scrambled on the muddy grounds, his hands clawing the dirt as he tried to get up.

But Mu Qing could barely feel his limbs, he turned his head as he tried to find his saber. The soldier was inching closer, a frown on his face as he stomped forward.

His eyes flicked to Mu Qing's empty sheath, the soldier then paused before a disgusting smile wrapped around the soldier's face.

“The best way to fall, General, is on your own… don’t you think?” 

Mu Qing gasped as the scars on his knees ripped open, he tried to reach for his saber sitting so close yet so far. 

The soldier didn't do anything for a moment, only choosing to watch Mu Qing struggle to reach his saber. The next moment, the soldier picked up Mu Qing’s saber and twisted it in his hand. 

“It has a nice grip, pretty sharp, right? Your weapon is a saber, General! Just think about the amount of things I could do with this. One like this too… you are certainly a lucky boy.”

The soldier stepped on his knee hard, twisting his foot as if teasing the wounds sitting there so perfectly.

“All words and no action. I wonder how you—” Mu Qing choked on his words as the soldier dug Mu Qing’s weapon through his chest. “You—!”

Mu Qing could feel each layer of his skin being ripped apart, how the weapon cut through the thin pieces and broke what little he held. Mu Qing was bleeding, he couldn't feel his skin anymore. One moment it was crawling with ants, and the next moment, it was numb.

The soldier smirked as he twisted the saber in Mu Qing’s chest. A loud laugh left his figure as he watched Mu Qing with amusement, Mu Qing’s screams of pain comical to his wretched ears.

He looked down at Mu Qing’s face, as if observing the pain so obvious on Mu Qing. He then paused once more, choosing his words carefully.

“It was lovely meeting you General, may we both meet in hell.”

The soldier then left, leaving Mu Qing to die in a pool of his own blood. Xianle soldiers ran around him in terror, they were surrounded, and they would die.

They would die in the name of the Taizi Dianxia, praising his name. 

Long live the Prince!

Long live Xianle!

But as Mu Qing’s eyes fluttered close, he thought about how he should die in Feng Xin’s name. So Feng Xin could forever be cursed with Mu Qing’s blood on his hands.

“We took you back to the tent, there was a lot of… blood, of course.” Feng Xin swallowed as if he were choking and his face was pale as he went on, calloused hands fisting his robes.

Mu Qing hummed as he wrapped his arms around himself. His heart thrummed in his throat the longer he stared at Feng Xin, his expression calm.

Feng Xin looked as if he didn’t know what more to say, his hands shook and his chest held its ground before sagging down to a weary sigh.

The more Mu Qing looked at Feng Xin, the more he realized just how tired Feng Xin really seemed. Feng Xin looked exhausted, Feng Xin did not look like himself. 

Mu Qing didn’t recognize the man before him, hate nor love could spell what Mu Qing thought.

Mu Qing just wanted to go home.

Feng Xin cleared his throat. “You’ll be in the medical tent for another week. The ointment right there,” he pointed at the bottle of ointment sitting on the table. “Put it on every day and night.”

Mu Qing nodded numbly, not trusting his words to say what he wanted. He eyed the bottle for a moment, realizing that there were no other people to help Mu Qing with the ointment. 

Mu Qing paused. “Did you… put it on me?” he said slowly, his voice hesitant as he watched Feng Xin shift in his place nervously.

“There was no one else,” Feng Xin watched him through narrowed eyes, calculating. He then stood up with a sigh and moved to sit down next to Mu Qing. His gaze held a quiet hush Mu Qing remembered seeing in nights when it was just the two of them under the never-ending sky.

Bony hands twitched, afraid. Mu Qing watched Feng Xin for a moment, the tent was silent, watching the scene unfold just as Mu Qing did. “Do it again then. Put it on for me, would you?” he asked quietly. 

Not knowing why he asked. More of just a feeling in the moment. Mu Qing was lost the longer he looked at Feng Xin, lost in his gaze, lost in the emotion Feng Xin so clearly had on his face, lost in the way Feng Xin looked at him, the way Feng Xin looked at Mu Qing.

Feng Xin’s eyes never left him. It felt nice to have Feng Xin’s attention. 

A smile made its way onto Feng Xin’s face. “Alright then,” he seemed relieved. The way his lips pulled his skin into something that lit Mu Qing’s entire world. His shoulders sagged and relief was so obvious on his face. “Pass me the stupid bottle.” he laughed.

Mu Qing didn’t what he said, he didn’t want to know either. He was just happy, though he couldn't feel it. The wounds on his chest were the only things he could tell apart, every time he closed his eyes, the Yong’an soldier was there, calling his names in the pits of hell.

The cold glass of the bottle was like a sense of solace in the touch alone. The smooth surface moved against his skin in a way that calmed his nerves. Completely unlike the constant presence of warmth that was Feng Xin’s large body near him. Breathing in both flesh and blood. 

Mu Qing handed Feng Xin the bottle, rolling his eyes as Feng Xin met his gaze. That stupid smirk on his even stupider face. Maybe Mu Qing ignored the fact that they weren’t meant to act like this, this wasn’t what they acted like. Feng Xin wasn’t like this to Mu Qing. 

Understanding did not come easy to Mu Qing, nor did acceptance. He didn't find anything simple when it came to Feng Xin.

“Come on now, face me won't you?” Feng Xin’s smile seemed to grow, and it was horribly beautiful to just look at alone. Mu Qing wanted to get lost in it, to fall in it and forget the reality he was forced to face.

“Shut up.” Mu Qing mumbled, his voice thick with emotion as he turned to face Feng Xin. His hands curled in his lap, he should’ve felt something, but there were too many wounds on his body to feel more.

Feng Xin ignored Mu Qing’s comment, choosing to keep that stupid smile on his stupid face. “This will hurt okay, I need you to breathe for me,” he said calmly, as if Mu Qing’s entire being didn't hurt.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Mu Qing frowned, yet he still attempted to control his breath. In and out. 

While Mu Qing attempted to catch his breath, Feng Xin slowly undid the tight bandages wrapped around Mu Qing’s chest, mindful of the hisses of pain Mu Qing let out.

Feng Xin whispered apologies under his breath every few moments, as if Mu Qing were some fragile being who needed help every few moments. Mu Qing hated it.

Feng Xin poured some of the ointment into his hand, letting it pool for a moment before setting his other hand on Mu Qing’s shoulder.

“I'll need you to lie down, okay? It'll be easier for the both of us.” Feng Xin gestured for the small bed they squished themselves on.

Mu Qing looked down at the bed—as if acknowledging it— before carefully moving his body to lie down. A soft pillow cushioned his head and Mu Qing let out a sigh, he was comfortable, for once. 

“How long is this supposed to take?” 

Feng Xin hummed as he shuffled closer to Mu Qing, slowly dropping the cold ointment over his scarred skin. “Not very long.” his eyes flicked up to meet Mu Qing’s. “Just relax.”

Mu Qing pursed his lips, his mouth drawn in a flat line as he watched Feng Xin move his hands up and down his chest, massaging the skin around the wounds and fixing what he felt was broken.

“You know we can't do that.”

Feng Xin didn’t reply, but his face became darker. He looked down at Mu Qing’s words. But Mu Qing only felt the need to prod at him, he wanted more reaction, more Feng Xin.

The burning feeling that followed Feng Xin’s touch was like fire on Mu Qing’s skin. 

He loved it. He hated it.

He didn't know.

“What-” Mu Qing paused for a moment, a pained groan leaving him as Feng Xin pressed a little too hard on one of his wounds.

Feng Xin muttered a small apology, but it was clear to Mu Qing that he didn't mean it.

And then, that was when Mu Qing realized that they weren't meant to be like this, to act like they knew each other. Because they didn't. 

Mu Qing realized just as everyone else did, that they weren't like that. 

They weren't meant to be together.

It bothered Mu Qing, of course, it made his skin crawl, the blood suddenly made up of sharp rocks rather than smooth liquid. 

“What are you doing here?” Mu Qing scowled.

Feng Xin held his breath, staring at Mu Qing with cold eyes before turning away and picking up the roll of bandages. 

“Why does it matter where I am?” Feng Xin turned around the question, sending a pointed look to Mu Qing, his brow raised as he watched Mu Qing intently.

Mu Qing rolled his eyes. “Just tell me what you are here for. You saved me, now what? What do I owe you?”

Feng Xin unwrapped the bandages, his brows furrowed as his figure radiated anger. He pressed down on one of the healing scars on Mu Qing’s ribs, hard enough that it would break but enough to hurt.

Mu Qing hissed away and jerked under Feng Xin’s touch. “Fuck off! What the hell are you doing?!” 

“You don't owe me anything.” Feng Xin frowned as if troubled by Mu Qing’s words.

Mu Qing scoffed. “Yeah right.” he rolled his eyes. “What other bullshit do you have to say, woe to General Feng! How mighty he is, giving a reprieve to someone as low as General Mu.”

Feng Xin’s frown deepened. “Enough, you don't understand.” 

“There is nothing to understand. Am I supposed to cower at your feet because someone as high as you had to lower yourself to save me, to heal me? ” Mu Qing yelled, his voice heavy on every word.

The tent was silent once more, the only thing heard was the harsh pants Mu Qing let out. Feng Xin watched him with deep eyes.

“I'm sorry.” Feng Xin seemed to whisper, and Mu Qing thought he almost didn't hear it. It was obvious that the apology was aimed at many things, Mu Qing knew, Feng Xin knew, everyone knew.

And suddenly, Mu Qing couldn't breathe again. 

“You don't mean that, enough with the lies Feng Xin.” Mu Qing said through his teeth. His mouth twisted in a frown as he stared at Feng Xin.

This time, Feng Xin scoffed. “How do you know what I mean and don't? I mean it.” his voice was sincere, unwavering as his hand sat for a moment on Mu Qing’s arm. 

Mu Qing could feel the warmth radiating off Feng Xin, seeping into his skin and leaving a mark that could never disappear.

Mu Qing didn't know what to say, this was not them, they didn't do this. Whatever it was.

So Mu Qing did what he did best: lie.

“Leave me alone, Feng Xin.” Mu Qing said with a set tone, Mu Qing wondered if Feng Xin could tell his words were dripping with poison.

Feng Xin didn't comment for a moment, wrapping the bandages around Mu Qing’s chest slowly— softly. As if he wasn't just tormenting Mu Qing moments ago.

“Feng Xin.” Mu Qing repeated, his voice edging a desperate plea.

Feng Xin finally decided that Mu Qing was worthy enough to meet his gaze, he scoffed and put the bandages to the side. 

His eyes were cold, just as Mu Qing’s heart was.

“You always fucking do this.” Feng Xin said with this voice that Mu Qing wished he didn't know. He wished he wasn't so familiar with that tone.

But Mu Qing didn't say anything.

“Leave me alone Feng Xin, I don't need you.” Mu Qing persisted, just wishing Feng Xin would leave. He leaned on his elbow as he watched Feng Xin angrily stand up. 

“Fine then, I’ll leave.” Feng Xin said calmly, and suddenly, he didn't care for Mu Qing. His voice was set and his hands were numb by his sides as he looked at Mu Qing for just a moment longer before leaving.

Mu Qing didn't say anything, watching Feng Xin silently, holding back every word that he so badly wanted to say.

Then Feng Xin left, just as Mu Qing told him.

The tent again, was silent. Just as Mu Qing wanted it to be. The tent was empty, though Mu Qing didn't want it to be empty.

Wounded and broken Mu Qing lay down once more, curling in on himself as he brought his hands to his chest to hug his defeated figure. He tangled his fingers in his hair and brought his head to his knee as he attempted to hold back the prickling tears.

As Mu Qing watched Feng Xin’s figure retreat, he could only wonder why he didn't ask him to stay.

☼

It had been two months since Mu Qing last saw Feng Xin, he wasn’t worried, they hadn’t seen each other for longer. 

Mu Qing didn’t think about Feng Xin, rather his mind decided to concentrate on the tedious task ahead. It felt easier to keep his mind on one thing, thinking about Feng Xin left a bitter taste in his mouth—as did everything else in Mu Qing’s life.

After Mu Qing healed, he didn’t look for Feng Xin. He didn’t want to face him.

Facing his saber as well was an issue, the longer he looked, the more he struggled to hold it. But this wasn’t the time where he could simply struggle . Mu Qing was forced to grow into something more. 

The refugee camps were filled to the brim with new people every day, running from tent to tent with a plea on their tongues. 

But Mu Qing alone couldn’t help everyone, he may have some knowledge of body systems, but that did not mean he had enough to cure hundreds of people. They were short on many supplies. They had no help, they were at war.

It was one thing Mu Qing could never seem to forget. There were many people who thought they were better than others, nobles of all kinds dropped down to their knees to sit with the likes of mere soldiers. 

Of course, they retorted, regarding their status as the only thing they had to defend themselves.

Status did not matter at war, that was the only thing Mu Qing found comfort in.

So each comment thrown at him, he swallowed down. He bit his tongue and turned away without showing any emotion.

Just as he always did. 

☼

“The Southern lands are what they want, it's clear by the way their troops are all lined up there!”

“The capital is there you idiot! We are not giving it away!”

“Well, you saw what happened when we sent General Mu to the Western borders!” 

Mu Qing walked in with the tent fluttering behind him, his expression drawn into a scowl as he watched the other Generals bickering over their next plans. “Instead of yelling at each other, why don’t you actually discuss the issues we have at hand.”

The other Generals flinched in their steps and ducked their heads. “General, we have been drawn to no solutions. Please help us in making our decisions.” both Generals admitted as they surrounded the large table scattered with scrolls and maps.

Mu Qing didn’t comment for a moment, watching them with sharp eyes. He chose to ignore the obvious presence sitting on the stool in the corner. His arms crossed over his chest as he watched the entire situation unfold with a blank face.

Mu Qing didn’t regard him in any way, walking to the table and grabbing the first map he saw. It did not matter what Feng Xin thought in these situations. All that mattered was running from him. 

The other Generals looked hesitant as they watched Mu Qing shuffle through the scrolls, a confused look on their face the more Mu Qing threw to the side. 

“General Mu… at least tell us what you are doing.” 

Mu Qing didn’t reply, digging through all the maps, in search of one scroll. Feng Xin watched from the side, his eyes calculating as he judged Mu Qing’s every move.

Pretending that Feng Xin’s gaze didn’t affect him felt even harder than before, his body only responding in a bright flush. 

And suddenly, he was so thankful for the mud dirtying his face. 

Feng Xin’s eyes didn't leave him as he stood. He cleared his throat and clapped his hands together to get everyone's attention. 

“Western borders are off limits, after what happened last with General Mu I think we can all agree. There are too many squads located there, we can't risk losing more soldiers in times like these.”

Murmurs of agreement erupted at Feng Xin's speech, but Mu Qing only found his expression to be one of confusion. Was this information not obvious?!

Mu Qing may be young but he wasn't an idiot! These Generals were in their thirties and forties and were looking for help from mere children!

No wonder they couldn't win one stupid war, no one was even capable of leading an army.

“As said before, Southern lands are what they want.” Mu Qing said after a moment of silence. He took one of the scrolls and laid it out flat on the large table. 

Skeptical looks were sent his way as the other Generals reluctantly sat down, just the slightest bit curious.

Mu Qing internally rolled his eyes, of course, they doubted his words. 

“Knowing this, we can make arrangements. The South and the West are most populated with Yong’an troops. The North is too dangerous to go to right now. Even the Yong’an soldiers know to stay away.”

Mu Qing pointed a finger to the north side of the map, just a flat area of land, but very similar to the west.

“Why is everyone staying away from the North?” one of the General’s piped up, his eyes genuinely curious as he asked Mu Qing.

Mu Qing stared at him for one moment, he didn't even know if he was hearing this right. “Winter will be coming in a few weeks, even if Xianle is located in the south, the northern parts of Xianle are already a barren land. When winter comes your supplies will run out fast.”

The General hummed as if he just realized and then sat back in his seat with a calm expression as if he hadn't asked the dumbest question there was.

Mu Qing spared him one last look before his attention was caught by Feng Xin himself, sitting at the opposite end of the table with his hands resting in front of him.

“You seem to be quite skilled in these areas, might I ask if you have any idea what to do next? You seem to be all bark and no bite. Do tell me Mu Qing , what is it that you plan to do?”

Mu Qing put a hand on his jaw so he didn't scream in Feng Xin’s face. He replied through gritted teeth, his fist clenched to his side as he glared at Feng Xin. 

“Do not address me so informally in these moments. And this is a ‘ we’ task, Feng Xin .” Mu Qing scoffed, taking pleasure in the way Feng Xin’s chest puffed up in anger.

Feng Xin stood up quickly, the chair scratching against the ground with a loud screech. “I will do no such thing! My troops are staying in the Central Plains, you have no power over me!”

Mu Qing hummed and put his hands behind his back, unbothered by Feng Xin’s brash behavior. “Do you have a better plan to suggest Feng Xin? You didn't even wait to hear the full thing.”

The other General agreed, nodding their heads like little dolls. “General Feng, I think it will do you well to listen to General Mu before you say anything else.”

Mu Qing’s hand twitched as he heard the other General’s words, he did not know his name, nor did he think to ever learn it. It became a little surprise to hear words like that come out of someone's mouth.

Feng Xin scowled. “Say it then, what is your stupid plan?” he said with a mocking tone, a smirk on his face as he watched Mu Qing. Mu Qing knew that Feng Xin expected him to blurt something out that would clearly ruin his image, but Mu Qing had thought this over several times.

“We will head to the east, Yong’an troops are scattered all throughout Xianle, but they are all mostly situated in the west. The farthest place from the west is obviously the east.”

Mu Qing had put one of the silver pawns that represented Yong’an and gestured for the west. He picked up a gold pawn that represented Xianle and placed it to the east.

“Yong’an doesn't care for the east which makes it an easy place to access. Don't you agree, Feng Xin?”

Feng Xin clenched his jaw, his eyes narrowed as he stared at Mu Qing with a sharp look. “There is not enough information, who is going?” he said, choosing to ignore Mu Qing’d mocking voice when saying his name.

Now it was Mu Qing’s turn to feel smug, a small smile as he brought in the pawn that represents Feng Xin’s squad. 

“That is where you come in Feng Xin. You along with another General’s squad shall go create a second base for us in the east. We will set up more tents and slowly start setting traps that the Yong’an troops will surely fall in.”

Feng Xin rolled his eyes, and it seemed to look so familiar on his face, odd but familiar. “I was thinking that-”

“General Mu, I understand that you have your… issues with General Feng but I think the best person to send with him is you.” one General sitting to the side said with a frown on his face as he dusted his robes. 

Thick and long robes that were certainly unfit for war. Were they just sending anyone these days?

“I gave you an entire plan, one of you should go along with—”

“Mu Qing, it's your plan, isn't it?” Feng Xin smirked. “If you want me to go then you have to come with me.”

Mu Qing held his breath as he clasped his hands behind his back. He walked himself into the situation, there was no way to walk out at that point.

“Alright then, I’ll go.” Mu Qing sighed. “We will each take a hundred soldiers.”

Feng Xin scoffed. “That is too many! We still need soldiers here to defend the other parts.”

“If we are to set a new base along the eastern borders, we need to be fast. You can't expect this to be a fast thing, Feng Xin.” Mu Qing wrapped the scroll quickly, throwing it into the pile of scrolls sitting in the corner.

Feng Xin didn't say anything, biting the insides of his cheek to prevent himself from saying anything. He sat back in his seat and buried his hands in his head, repeating the same action as he had done months ago in the tent.

He rested his back against the chair, his hands still covering his face as he looked at Mu Qing through his fingers.

Feng Xin’s eyes were unreadable to Mu Qing’s knowledge. But really, he thought it looked soft, just as it did all those months ago.

“We will leave in a fortnight's time, it'll give you a long enough to gather everything you need.” Mu Qing said, his voice giving no room for an argument.

Mu Qing tore his eyes away from Feng Xin, he fisted his hands at his side as the other General shuffled to leave the tent with an acknowledging nod in his direction.

It was clear there was nothing more to say. 

Mu Qing knew he did well that day, he was set and straightforward. But looking back every moment he felt as though he could see Feng Xin’s resigned expression every time he closed his eyes.

Each time he met him, there was something new. Mu Qing didn't know what to name it. So he left the tent, ignoring the way Feng Xin’s gaze bore holes into his armor.

And for the first time in months, Mu Qing felt a warm feeling run through his body. It felt like a rush of adrenaline washed over him and left soft kisses in the shape of relief.

And even after everything he thought of, Mu Qing didn't let himself turn back. 

 ☼

It had felt like months had passed in mere hours, the time feeling far slower than ever. Mu Qing drowned himself in tasks to avoid seeing Feng Xin. He would be with Feng Xin for a while in the near future, sitting in the Eastern lands waiting for something new. 

Mu Qing couldn’t help the way his eyes always lingered on the fabric doors, his skin begging for the constant touch of searing hands. Mu Qing couldn’t find himself to turn away, he wanted to chase and chase and chase.

But Mu Qing did not let himself muddle over thoughts like that, instead, he chose to ignore them and run. Just as he always did. Running away from his problems was easier than everything, Mu Qing found it to be simple. 

No matter how much he desired to run, the same piercing gaze would find him once more. Feng Xin met him with his men trailing behind, standing tall on their horses as they waited for Mu Qing to make the move.

Feng Xin barely spared him a glance, watching Mu Qing’s troops arrive and then clicking his tongue the moment Mu Qing was in sight. 

Mu Qing didn’t feel the need to regard him, his eyes set with a downcast expression as he followed behind Feng Xin, his heart heavy the longer he wondered if to be would become is. 

It didn’t make sense in Mu Qing’s mind, nor did it make sense in Mu Qing’s heart. But he always knew it was inevitable to disregard feelings such as that.

The longer Mu Qing trailed after Feng Xin, the longer he wished he would be able to ride alongside him one day. Instead of hiding in his shadow like he was forced to do.

The longer Mu Qing stayed by Feng Xin, the longer the bitter taste on his tongue would stay. 

The longer Mu Qing watched Feng Xin, the longer he wondered if Feng Xin would ever feel the same. 

But Mu Qing never said anything, instead choosing to ride his horse with his head ducked down.

To forget the unforgettable. 

☼

When Mu Qing woke, the first thing he thought was that his back hurt.

Which it did.

Their tents hadn't been set up yet and Mu Qing was too tired to wait any longer, so he found the nearest tree and hoped that the sun would be the one to wake him up in the early morning.

He wouldn’t say he was well rested, but it was enough to get through the day with just a small migraine.

Mu Qing lifted his body with a groan, rubbing his head with his hands and swatting the mosquitoes that got in his way.

There was a light murmur of soldiers running back and forth with their material, heavy footsteps, and muttered curses. Mu Qing lifted his head curiously, it seemed that the tents were finished.

That was certainly a surprise.

But before Mu Qing could think any further about the topic, he heard a sharp crack!

He looked around quickly, picking up his saber with ease and forgetting the slight haze of drowsiness that he had.

Mu Qing pushed the stranger against the tree, his feet still asleep from staying in the same position for so long. He ignored it as he always did, and gritted his teeth as he put his saber to the stranger's throat.

His eyes were still as he realized who the person was, he was there in all his might, his hands behind his back as he stared at Mu Qing with a glint in his eyes.

“What a great morning this is General Mu, don't you think?” Feng Xin said, his voice edging a mocking tone as he slowly pushed away the saber. 

For one moment, Mu Qing wished those hands were on him instead, his touch to only be like little wisps deep into the night.

“What are you doing here?” Mu Qing huffed as he sheathed his saber and rubbed his hands over his dirtier robes, hoping Feng Xin didn't notice his shaking fingers.

Feng Xin put his hands behind his back, his eyes were curious as he watched Mu Qing undo his hair, his eyes lingering on Mu Qing’s bare nape. He flushed and turned away as he cleared his throat, embarrassed.

However, Mu Qing didn't seem to notice.

“Well you disappeared in the middle of the night, I thought you would've just fucked off back to the south.”

Mu Qing rolled his eyes, glaring at Feng Xin and wrapping his robes tighter around his thin body. “Shut up, if anything you would’ve run back first.”

Feng Xin ran a hand through his hair, his robes loose around him as he watched the soldiers from afar. “Sure, whatever you say.” he let out a small laugh, waving his hands dismissively as he walked closer to Mu Qing. 

Dark eyes trailed after golden ones reflecting his own, a shivering thought ran down Mu Qing’s spine. The longer he looked, the more he wanted.

But Mu Qing ignored it as usual, choosing to duck under the thin curtains of leaves, the willow tree dancing in the wind around him.

The leaves were soft under his touch, Mu Qing felt calm. Feng Xin didn’t follow him, choosing to stay under the shelter the large tree provided him. Mu Qing paid him no mind, instead finding solace in the light breeze blowing through his hair. 

Mu Qing let a smile make its way to his face, he was content, he was all right. Mu Qing didn’t feel troubled by the coming day. He felt excited rather. It didn’t feel like a relief, but it felt like enough to take the small break he needed so badly. 

He turned around when he heard a muttered curse, it was obviously Feng Xin. Mu Qing rolled his eyes and tried to adjust his robes so they didn’t mess up in the steadily stronger winds. 

Feng Xin raised his hand and moved the leaves apart, his expression forming into one of softness that Mu Qing wished he wasn’t able to recognize. Feng Xin’s mouth was slightly open as he stared at Mu Qing with his eyes blown wide, his cheeks were flushed red and his hair was a mess.

But he looked all in all alright.

Mu Qing would never admit that there was anything more.

Maybe he was just hung up on the fact that Feng Xin looked at him. It wasn’t just a blank look, it felt as though he saw Mu Qing. And maybe Mu Qing’s heart fluttered a bit because of that. But Mu Qing didn’t let his hopes up, it was wrong to even think as such. 

Mu Qing should just be grateful he was good at masking his emotions. Facing Feng Xin was a challenge alone; Mu Qing didn’t feel the need to try more than he already was.

Feng Xin cleared his throat and rubbed his face with his hands. “Just give me a moment.”

Mu Qing looked around in confusion, tilting his head to the side to see if there was anything that bothered Feng Xin. “I didn’t even say anything yet,” he muttered, Feng Xin was probably annoyed with Mu Qing entirely, that made lots of sense, didn’t it?

Feng Xin didn’t seem to care about Mu Qing’s words, looking back at him every few moments. Feng Xin acted like Mu Qing was going to disappear if he stayed for even a second more.

“Feng Xin, I have things to do. If you have something to say just do it already.” Mu Qing huffed, blowing away the hair that fell in front of his eyes. He watched Feng Xin move, fidgeting with every step as he neared Mu Qing.

“Let me accompany you today, I have nothing better to do.”

“You are one of the leaders here, I know you have something to do.”

“Well just shut up and let me go with you.”

Mu Qing rolled his eyes, whatever Feng Xin wanted, he wouldn't get. He crossed his arms and ignored the way Feng Xin bit at the corner of his bright, plush lips. 

“You can’t come with me, all you will do is bother me. This is not something you should take lightly Feng Xin.” Mu Qing muttered as he cracked his knuckles, he was anxious, Feng Xin wanted something.

“I’m coming, you can’t say anything.” Feng Xin shrugged his shoulders. “We have the same ranks, meaning we also have the same authority. So you can’t say anything against me,” he explained as if he knew everything. 

Mu Qing gritted his teeth, pretending as if his chest didn’t curl in on itself in hope at the thought. 

“Fine, don’t waste my time.” 

A sharp grin made its way to Feng Xin’s face as he clasped his hands behind his back, his expression one of excitement as he moved to stand beside Mu Qing.

“Let’s go then.” 

Mu Qing rolled his eyes. “Don’t tell me what to do, you are with me today. My troops are far better than yours.”

“I’d like to see that.” Feng Xin wore a smirk as he lazily dragged his eyes across the field's expanse.

Mu Qing hummed in response, hoping the conversation would end there alone. He wished Feng Xin didn’t follow him, one part of him felt excitement at the mere thought that Feng Xin would stay with him. 

The other part tried to fight the bugs crawling under his skin and biting at the flesh sitting so peacefully, Mu Qing's blood was so sharp, so hot as it tried to fight the barriers it was forced to be under. Mu Qing’s mind didn’t like the idea of inviting someone new. 

Mu Qing was nervous.

Mu Qing did not know what to expect out of something like this. He could only hope that the universe would treat him right just this once and forgive him.

For a moment, no one spoke. Mu Qing spared Feng Xin one last glance before walking away without a word. He attempted to ignore the rise of emotions jumping in his chest, the way Feng Xin’s hair fell into his eyes, the determined set of his jaw—Mu Qing found himself begrudgingly acknowledging that Feng Xin's presence wasn't entirely unwelcome. 

And maybe that surprised Mu Qing, just in the slightest. Maybe Feng Xin tolerated him. Maybe Feng Xin even liked him. 

No, that would be pushing it too far. Mu Qing wanted to laugh at his own thoughts, he really didn't know what he was saying.

And so he hid himself in his mind, hoping it wasn't obvious how unease his nerves were. 

The two walked side by side, the tension between them palpable. Mu Qing couldn't shake off the feeling that Feng Xin had an ulterior motive, but he wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of asking. 

So he stayed quiet.

Wondering when would be the day that he could truly accept that there was something about Feng Xin he liked.

One thing, or maybe everything.

He didn't know.

☼

Feng Xin had stayed with him all day, and his interest never faltered. Mu Qing found that odd because Feng Xin wasn’t like that. Feng Xin didn't like Mu Qing. 

Mu Qing watched Feng Xin carefully, making sure that he didn’t do anything suspicious.

That burning part inside of him told him to trust Feng Xin, Feng Xin was meant to be by his side for the time being.

A selfish part of Mu Qing wished Feng Xin would stay with him forever.

Mu Qing didn't say anything more, lest he reveal his intention. So he kept quiet, his eyes darting to Feng Xin every few moments.

In hopes that one day Feng Xin would look at him too, with a look Mu Qing could only recognize in his dreams.

But Mu Qing didn't push, yearning enough was a hard thing to do. Mu Qing decided the best thing to do it was to hide himself. 

It worked well.

Until it didn't. 

☼