Chapter Text
They were more or less dismissed by Nana Morri after she was kind enough to stop time for them and give them the chance to recover for however long they needed. All they could do was wait for dinner to be served. Fearne had stayed right by her Nana and everyone else was close but trying to give them some space. Allura looked particularly uncomfortable sitting at the bar, sipping on a drink that Ollie had given her.
Imogen decided that now was the time, maybe the only time she would have for a while, to be with Laudna. Just the two of them. She grabbed her girlfriend by the elbow, gently tugging her. Laudna flinched at the initial contact and gave her a small subtle look of confusion but didn’t resist Imogen’s touch.
“Can we talk?” Imogen asked quietly, leading her towards the stairs that should take them to the newly crafted room made by Morrigan.
“Of course, darling.” Laudna’s voice barely reached Imogen’s ears.
She had been quiet after her little reconciliation with Ashton. Imogen didn’t need to hear her thoughts to see that her mind was still racing though. Hers was as well despite how hard she was trying to keep herself together. Her heart hurt to see Laudna so small, her eyes seeming hollow, and not in the usual way.
Imogen was feeling a lot of things she didn’t want to work through right now. A lot of anger, in fact most of it was anger. And she was doing her damnedest to suppress it deeper and deeper. None of it was towards Laudna– she couldn’t bear to be mad at her right now. Some of it was directed at Ashton and their stupid lava Primordial rock arm, the rest towards the bitch tormenting her girlfriend’s body and mind.
Fucking Delilah Briarwood.
When Imogen finally gets her hands on her–
“I’m sorry I ran away.” Laudna murmured in a deeply sorrowful tone.
Oh. They were already in the new creepy transformed bedroom.
She let go of Laudna’s arm as if it burned, feeling the thrum of electricity in her palms and terrified of accidentally zapping Laudna with it in her brewing frustration.
“Laud, no– like I said before, you don’t need to apologize.” Imogen sighed deeply.
She waited until she’d calmed down and took both of Laudna’s hands in hers, looking the woman straight in her eyes. She hoped that her body language could convey just how much she cared for Laudna. The guilty look that reflected back at her in Laudna’s eyes only made her feel that much worse.
“I wish you had told me where you were going… or taken me with you,” Imogen’s voice broke just a little but she pushed on, “Not that I have to know where you are at all times or that you can’t have space when you need it–” She quickly added on.
“I was just so scared, when I woke up and you still hadn’t come back.” Imogen could feel tears well up in her eyes. She’d done a lot of crying these past few days. “Don’t think I wouldn’t drop anything and everything just to be there for you, Laud. I would go anywhere with you.”
Tears fell down Imogen’s cheeks and it devastated Laudna to be the cause of her beloved’s tears.
“I know. And that means the world to me, Imogen. I swear it.” Laudna was still keeping her voice low and quiet but she squeezed Imogen’s hands tight, bringing them up to her chest. “I am sorry. I never wanted to make you worry. But I couldn’t stay, not when it would put you and Ashton and everyone else in danger.” She bit her lip hard, nearly drawing black ichorous blood.
“She wanted the shard and I wanted to kill Ashton for betraying us. I was weak and angry, I couldn’t hold myself together any longer. And at that moment I don’t think there was anything you or anyone else could do.” Laudna looked down at the ground, doing her best to keep her voice leveled and explain herself to Imogen.
“Where did you go?”
“Oh, I stayed in the shadows and slithered through the tunnels until I made it to town.” Laudna recalled, all of it seemed like a hazy far off memory now, “Eventually got deeper into the woods and made it to my old home. It has been burned to the ground but the presence of it was honestly quite calming. The solitude was just what I needed.” Deserved. Laudna’s lips just barely twitched up. At the moment it was hard not to consider herself the walking corpse that had to be banished to the forest, away from the real people, with nothing but the voice of her murderer to keep her company.
“And she was there too.” Imogen tried and failed to keep the bitterness from her tone. “Delilah. Talking shit into your head all night.”
Laudna took one glance at Imogen before dropping her eyes again. She didn’t want to look at her as she admitted the cold hard truth. Her breath shuttered as she breathed out all the air in her withering lungs.
“It was all too easy, dear.” Laudna whimpered and clinged to Imogen’s hands harder, scared that she would let go. Not that Imogen ever would. “To be comforted by her words. To revert back to the terrified little girl I was right after waking up. I haven’t had a true conversation with her in a very long time.”
“Whatever that conniving bitch said to you is not true, Laudna. She is only trying to manipulate you into doing her dirty work because she is too weak and pathetic to do anything without your help.” Imogen grit her teeth, voice raising. “You can’t listen to her.”
“I know.” Laudna replied in a tiny broken whisper.
“She wants me to take the shard for myself. She wants me to be someone who retaliates when I get hurt, who believes that love is nothing but pain and yet worth everything at the same time.” Laudna tumbled the words out suddenly and all at once, growing more hysterical by the moment.
“But that’s not me, Imogen. I don’t want that. I don’t want to hurt my friends. I don’t want to hurt any more innocent people.” She sobbed out, thick dark ichor falling down her cheeks and ruining her pretty black dress.
Imogen surged forward and pulled Laudna into a tight, comforting hug.
“Oh, baby…” Imogen cried along with her. “I know that’s not you. You’re too pure for that.”
“I felt so lonely when I woke up. All I wanted was you, your warmth.” Laudna fisted her hands into the back of Imogen’s jacket.
“I’m here.” Imogen said right by Laudna’s ear, desperately hoping that Laudna believed her. “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, sugar.”
They stood there for quite a while, crying and taking comfort from each other’s embrace. Imogen kept murmuring sweet nothings into Laudna’s ear, anything that came to mind just so she could calm Laudna down.
Eventually Laudna pulled back, just enough to give Imogen room to breathe but staying in arm’s reach. She put her hands on Imogen’s shoulders, still hiccuping from all the crying.
“You can’t tell me anything about the shard. I can’t be trusted with it. I’ll leave the room if something needs to be discussed.” Laudna said with conviction. “I won’t let her have that kind of power.”
Imogen pursed her lips, heart breaking all over again at the self-loathing in Laudna’s eyes.
“I love you and I would do anything, and I mean anything, for you, Launda.” Imogen said slowly, trying to make it stick in Laudna’s head. “The one I don’t trust is Delilah. I won’t let her take the shard.”
“Thank you.” Laudna replied sincerely.
She leaned forward, letting her forehead gently bump into Imogen’s. She slid her arms back behind Imogen’s neck and closed her eyes. This was what she needed, to be grounded by Imogen. Not alone and shivering in the remains of her old life.
Imogen wrapped her own arms loosely around Laudna’s waist, taking the moment of silence to get her breathing back to normal and let herself calm down.
“I never asked how you were feeling in the aftermath of everything. I’m sorry, darling.” Laudna’s voice was back to that soothing, gentle tone she always used when she was alone with Imogen.
“No, don’t be sorry.” Imogen sighed deeply, mouth opening and closing, again and again as she tried to get her thoughts in order. “If I’m honest I don’t even know how to unpack all of this shit. I think Ashton’s a big fucking idiot and I don’t want to forgive them for what they did just yet. But more than that, I was just worried for everyone else. For poor sweet Fearne, Letters… you…”
“How long do you think we’ll stay here?” Laudna asked.
“Gods,” Imogen groaned, “I don’t fucking know. Everything just seems so fucked right now. I don’t know how we’ll come back from this. If we will even get to the moon at this point.”
Imogen finally started to look around the room they were in, immediately clocking the beds made of moss. They looked surprisingly comfy considering the material. She moved them towards one of the beds in the corner, dropping her ass down and urging Laudna to do the same. She rested her head against Laudna’s shoulder and took one of her hands to intertwine their fingers and squeezed tight. She let out a deep sigh of contentment when the other woman did the same.
It was like all the stress and exhaustion caught up to her at that moment, reminding her of the hell of a night she had after looking for Laudna for hours and tossing and turning in bed until sunrise.
“Well, “ Laudna hummed thoughtfully, “I guess we have all the time we need now. To take things day by day. Or until poor Lady Allura decides she’s had enough of us and Nana Morri’s presence.”
They both giggled, the tension easing bit by bit. Imogen had closed her eyes but she refused to let sleep take her, needing to take in the feeling of having her lover close again. Laudna was still deep in thought but felt all the more calmer after opening up to Imogen.
“Can I be very honest with you? And please let me finish before you say anything.” Laudna started hesitantly, waiting for Imogen to give her an encouraging nod as a sign to continue.
“My life changed so drastically when I met you, my love. These past few years it has been so easy to pretend like I was normal. Just an average girl traveling through Exandria.”
She sighed, all the weight of those years she spent as an outcast, with Delilah being her only real company, weighing on her shoulders all the sudden. All the careful compartments she’d made in her head starting to unravel.
“You’re so young, and I don’t say that to be patronizing in any way” Laudna immediately added when she saw Imogen’s brow furrow, “I mean that we’ve been running around for nearly three years but before you I had thirty odd years to come to terms with what I am and what I will never will be, with Delilah’s presence in my mind and everything that comes with it. The potential to lose myself to her and become nothing but a puppet for her to carry out her evil deeds.” Laudna stared into the distance. She felt like she needed to let everything out, all at once. Just blurt out all the thoughts that came to mind.
“I was so much like you at the start. Devastated and scared, grappling for any sort of hope that I could be free.” Laudna hadn’t thought about those early years in a very, very long time. She had almost forgotten the frantic energy Matilda carried at all times back then. The anxiety and terror of living in a body that was practically decaying before her eyes.
“But I will say, pessimistic as the years have made me, I have never, ever wanted to live more than I do now. Knowing that I could spend the rest of my life by your side. I desire nothing more than that, Imogen.”
Laudna wrapped an arm around Imogen and pulled her as close as she could with her measly strength. She could tell that Imogen wanted to say something so she quickly placed a finger to her lips, giving her an apologetic smile. Just a little longer.
“Admittedly, everything since meeting the Hells’ has been a whirlwind of one shitty situation after another.” Imogen winced in her head, agreeing with Laudna. But the other woman didn’t seem all that bothered by it. “And it’s been exciting, don’t get me wrong! We’ve had so many fun moments together!” Her tone was high and chipper until it dropped again. “But– well– I guess I’m starting to realize that I’m not nearly as okay as I wanted to fool myself into being.”
“Oh Laudna.” Imogen wiped more and more tears from her cheeks. “You’ve never told me about the early years you spent alone.”
Laudna gave her a small shrug.
“But it’s okay. All of it. You’re going to be okay, Laudna.” Imogen mumbled, turning her head just enough to peer up at her, refusing to stop cuddling into her girlfriend. “We’ll get through this. Together.”
Laudna shot Imogen a smile full of love and affection, leaning down to connect their lips in a soft, careful kiss.
“You’re right.” Laudna murmured against Imogen’s lips. She reached out her hand to ever so gently tuck a stray purple lock of hair behind Imogen’s ear. “And don’t forget that I have your back too, darling. I’ll always support you with anything you put your mind to.”
“I love you, Laudna.” Imogen kissed her again.
“I love you too.”
Imogen got lost looking into Laudna’s eyes, as she often did. There was still something she was forgetting, something she needed to say. Her mind turned back to the day at the farmer’s market in Jrusar. Her eyes hardened, face turning completely serious. She straightened her back and cupped Laudna’s cheeks.
“Use her. Like we talked about. Take all the power that you want from her. On your terms.” Imogen declared passionately. “And when you’re done, when you want out, I will find a way. I will get her out of your head for good. I swear, Laudna.”
It took everything for Laudna not to cry again. Some days it was still difficult for her to believe someone as amazing, capable, loving and kind as Imogen cared so much for someone so broken like her. But she never wanted to take it for granted. She cherished every day, every second she had with Imogen. Loving Imogen was as easy as breathing for Laudna but she put in a lot of effort to make sure that Imogen felt just as loved as she did, if not more.
“My sweet, sweet girl.” Laudna chuckled, sniffling as she held back her tears, “What would I ever do without you?”
“You’ll never have to find out.”