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Kurapika could get used to this. He has gotten used to this. The comforting presence of Leorio beside him, the gentle strokes of Leorio’s fingers through his hair as they lie side by side on top of the covers. It’s almost enough to make him feel like he’s dreaming, almost enough to make him forget about all the pain. In this moment, Kurapika isn’t worried about the Troupe or the Scarlet Eyes or the lifespan he’s burned chasing them. For now, his whole being is focused on the person beside him.
But if Kurapika is going to be with Leorio, there’s one thing he has to clear up. He’s been procrastinating. He’s afraid it will affect their relationship… but deep down, he can’t bear to leave it unaddressed.
Kurapika slowly pulls away from Leorio’s embrace and turns over to face him. Leorio smiles.
“What’s up, sunshine?”
Kurapika takes a deep breath. “Leorio…Do you view me… as a guy?”
Kurapika can tell that Leorio is a little caught off guard. He pauses thoughtfully before answering, puzzled. “Yeah,” he answers after a second. “I thought that was obvious. Is that not… right?”
“Some people wouldn’t. View me as a guy, that is. I was…” It feels weird to say this. It’s normally irrelevant. But it feels important to communicate with Leorio, before they continue with their relationship. Kurapika’s heart is pounding. “...assigned ‘female’ at birth.”
“So, what are you, then? I mean–” Leorio stammers. “I’m sorry, that came out so wrong. I meant, like, are you a guy? It’s what you feel that matters, and I’m kind of just realizing that you’ve never actually said.”
Bless Leorio’s imperfect, awkward, kind heart.
“I’m comfortable… being perceived as masculine,” Kurapika says after some thought. “But I’m not exactly a guy. And I’m not a girl. But I’m not uncomfortable with my femininity, either.”
Kurapika can tell that Leorio is trying really hard to understand. Kurapika attempts to explain further, convinced he’s done a bad job. “I don’t know how to describe it in this language,” he says. “And ‘guy’ is the closest thing. ‘Guy’ works.”
“But that’s not exactly right,” clarifies Leorio.
“Yeah.”
Leorio’s eyes are so loving. It’s like he sees and appreciates and adores every aspect of Kurapika’s being. “Thanks for telling me,” he says. Kurapika smiles.
Kurapika feels so much lighter now. Not that it wasn’t an awkward conversation to have, but it felt good to communicate. He reaches out, and his fingers intertwine with Leorio’s.
With that conversation over with, though, Kurapika is left with a lingering curiosity.
“I’m curious,” he says, smiling playfully. “Did you know already? I mean, did you have any idea?”
“Like, what…”
“Like, did you think I was cis? I’m just wondering. No judgment. I don’t really care too much how people see me… but I’m also interested to know.” It felt silly to admit.
Leorio took a deep breath. “I was the one who cared for you when you had that fever, back in York New. I saw your binder. I made you take it off to sleep. You were delirious for days, so I guess you didn’t remember.”
Kurapika didn’t know how to react to this revelation. This hadn’t been what he was expecting.
“I– I’m sorry. I know it wasn’t an ideal situation. I hope you’re not embarrassed,” Leorio continued nervously. “I had to check your torso for concealed injuries, and then, you know, it’s really not safe to wear a binder when you sleep.”
Kurapika was still processing. Leorio had known? All this time? Well, not fully known, but still. Kurapika felt his cheeks heat up. Leorio had seen him without clothes on and he’d had no clue?
“I’m sorry, Kurapika,” he said again. “I promise it wasn’t weird. You undressed yourself. I gave you as much privacy as I could, I just had to make sure you did it.”
At first, Kurapika wasn’t sure what to feel. He was a bit embarrassed. But as he had time to think about it, he realized that he was grateful. Leorio had been there to make sure he was safe. He’d been respectful. He hadn’t treated Kurapika any differently since.
“Thanks, Leorio,” Kurapika said. “For being there for me. And for being honest.” He shuffled closer to Leorio and tucked his head against Leorio’s chest, feeling those long arms wrap around him comfortingly.
Yes, he could get used to this.