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I will brush off all the dirt;
And I will pretend it didn't hurt.
You are a black and heavy weight;
And I will not participate...
Dream brother...
Okuyasu didn't hate hanging out at Josuke’s. If anything, it was a nice reprieve, what with the ghosts that lingered around the decrepit, decaying mansion he and what was left of his father called home. While he didn't linger like Reimi, his big bro, even without a spectral form, still had… a presence in the rooms.
Or maybe that was Okuyasu’s imagination.
Regardless, the dream he'd had of Keicho the night before, sitting at a table at Tonio’s, had stung more than he'd liked to have admitted. Especially since, over some caprese, while Okuyasu had been treated for some gastrointestinal distress… Nothing happened to Keicho. When asking aloud through a mouth full of balsamic, mozzarella, and tomato why that was the case, his elder brother had helpfully reminded him of his deceased status.
“Oh, yeah.” Until that moment, he'd blissfully forgotten. Despite Pearl Jam having taken care of the stomach ache, Okuyasu felt his appetite dissipate in a flash. There was something else odd; they were the only ones in the restaurant. Not even Tonio could be found, mingling with the tables and speaking with his heavy Italian accent.
“Ya know, big bro… You're oddly nice t’ me today. What gives?”
Then, adding insult to injury, the dead brother said exactly what Okuyasu had been dreading: “It’s a dream, dumbass. How stupid do ya have t' be not t' realize?” He took a hearty bite of his own caprese. “You know I never woulda been this nice to ya when I was alive.”
While the betrayal stung, the fact that it came from his own mind made it worse. It was a relief that he, at that moment, had woken up. That way, his brother wouldn't see him cry.
Okuyasu had had difficulty making it to class that morning, to pass off his puffy eyes as allergies. But, he’d somehow managed. Apparently, his act hadn't fooled any of them, as, during lunch, Josuke announced, apropos of nothing, that Okuyasu was going to join him and Koichi for dinner at his house. Maybe a sleepover. Who knew? They'd find out together.
So, that was how he’d ended up with Koichi and Josuke, his two best friends, hanging out in the wee hours of the morning, pointedly ignoring how much he didn't want to sleep. The façade of an average hangout had disappeared as soon as the lights had gone out, the TV turned off, and music muted, all to make way for much-needed talk, gossip, and confessions. Honestly, Okuyasu was happy they'd done a sort of intervention; hanging out with them made him realize just how stressed he'd been.
Koichi was dozing in and out, barely staying awake. Josuke, on the other hand, had passed out earlier in the night, but was fully awake once more, his hair un-pompadoured and falling into fluffy curls atop his forehead. It was that magical time of night, where secrets feel just the slightest bit lighter. Where Okuyasu could finally say something, even if he didn't ever want to admit it.
“...I always covered for him,” Okuyasu heard himself say. “He never thanked me.”
“I didn't think it was possible for me to… uh…” Koichi trailed off, clearly wrangling the words he wanted to say in his mind. “Uh. Really not like your brother. More than I already did not like him.”
Josuke laughed. “Dude, you can say ‘hate.’ You don’t gotta be nice about it. No offense, Okuyasu.”
“—None taken.” To be fair, if Keicho hadn’t been Okuyasu’s brother, Okuyasu probably would have been able to hate him. It was a luxury he could never have afforded; not after what they’d been through.
His friend’s voice cut off his thoughts. “Sometimes, you gotta talk more like Echoes,” Josuke went on, turning toward their pint-sized pal.
Okuyasu nodded at that, and as Josuke spoke, Echoes had manifested beside Koichi, baggy pants and all, and leaning on the boy’s shoulder. “D-A-M-N. Koichi is too nice. We hate that guy.” With a curt nod, he returned back into Koichi, whose cheeks were flushed with embarrassment. Josuke and Okuyasu couldn’t help but laugh.
Regardless, once their laughter dissipated, silence lingered. Okuyasu broke it. “I should hate him. I don't.”
“He was your brother, dude.” Josuke piped in, leaning on a microbead pillow and bracing his head atop it after having belly-flopped onto his bed. He looked down at Okuyasu, whose sleeping bag was on the ground beside Koichi’s. “It's hard to hate someone, when they're the only family you have left. He loved you, but that doesn't make it okay, the shit he did.”
“Yeah.” A sigh. Okuyasu shuffled uncomfortably. “My brain hurts, man.”
Koichi nodded. “Mine would too. But… even if that hurt to talk about, did it help?”
Now that Koichi had mentioned it, Okuyasu’s chest did feel the tiniest bit lighter. “Yeah. Thanks, guys.”
A smile followed from his friends, but Josuke was the one who finally spoke. “No problem, bro. I know it's kinda corny, but… we're proud of you. We know how hard it's been for ya, and we know you've been working your ass off.”
“Yeah!” Koichi nudged Okuyasu's shoulder in agreement. “Give yourself some credit, man!!”
“—And remember.” Josuke moved to the edge of the bed, pointing to Okuyasu as he commanded with the utmost care in his words, “We've got your back. Don't listen to the shit your big bro said. You're really freakin’ kewl. ”
“Thanks.” It was Okuyasu's turn to beam. But, adrenaline finally exhausted, he yawned. “I'm… proud of you two… too…”
Before he knew it, the next time he opened his eyes, it was light outside, and Koichi and Josuke had ended up beside him, blankets tossed all over and sleeping on the floor. Koichi's breaths sounded like a hummingbird’s snores. Josuke, on the other hand, clutched a plush bear tight. Seeing them, Okuyasu was instantly brought back to those halcyon mornings from long ago, when he'd wake up beside his brother after a bad dream, sun streaming through the window and enveloping the brothers in a gentle light. Keicho was different, then; before he had inherited the hate and cruelty of their father. To his surprise, he'd slept easily, and while he hadn't had a dream that he could remember, at least that was better than the nightmare of the night before. Josuke and Koichi were right; Big Bro had been wrong about him. But, he had cared. While it was going to take more than a sleepover to unpack all of that baggage… this was a start.
The early morning sun trickling into the room, memories filling his heart and joyful tears in his eyes, for the first time in a long, long while, despite the circumstances, Okuyasu Nijimura was able to say that he was happy .