Chapter Text
Atsushi walks beside Akutagawa silently. His shoes scrape on the dirt road below them, and he can't bring himself to speak up. Akutagawa doesn't seem to mind, but Atsushi doesn't miss the glances he gets every once in a while.
They're on their way to an old barn, where two children are waiting to be saved. Dazai (why is it always Dazai?) gave them a run-down of the situation, explained it must be dealt with by tonight, and told them to be careful. The children were assumed to be ability users and that's why they were taken in the first place.
The emotion swirling around Atsushi's insides had not dissipated since they left the Agency. Dazai knew any cases with children involved were... difficult for him. He got too angry, or just too emotional in general. Maybe that's why Akutagawa had been sent with him, to keep his feelings in check. It's embarrassing, really. Still, Atsushi is interested in seeing how the mafioso behaved around little kids.
When the two of them reach their destination, they nod at each other, silently communicating. That's one thing that was special to them. Atsushi had never partnered with someone so well that they didn't even have to speak until now.
With another affirmative look, Atsushi flings the barn doors open. They hadn't been locked or barricaded, which proves Dazai wasn't kidding when he said, "They aren't aware that we're aware." As in, this group of children abductors believe they're home free, and not being tailed by anyone. Guns are immediately pointed at them. It's a shame really, seeing as any shots fired are automatically stopped by Rashomon.
There's only a handful of enemies there, and no one seems to be an ability user, so they go down pretty easily. Akutagawa does not kill anyone; Atsushi does not let his emotions get ahold of him. The last man goes down with a tiger enhanced punch as Rashomon keeps him in place.
Panting, Atsushi looks around for the children. A boy pokes his head out from behind some crates, "Hey, there." He smiles at the boy, "I'm sorry if we scared you. We're here to take you home."
After a short silence, save for Akutagawa coughing behind him, the boy runs towards Atsushi. He wraps his arms around the weretiger's legs, rubbing tears and snot onto his pants. Atsushi pats his head, sighing softly. "My sister-" The boy hiccups, "We have to find my sister."
"We will, don't worry. Did you see where she went?" Taking a few steps backwards, Atsushi notices that Akutagawa is crouched down.
"There's no need. I found her." He sits in front of a large tire, most likely for a tractor. Inside is a young girl with streaks down her cheeks. Akutagawa does not reach for her, and Atsushi half expects the man to tell him to get the girl himself. "Hello." Atsushi brings a hand to his head. Has Akutagawa ever spoken to a child? His medieval way of talking might scare her even more.
Surprisingly, the girl greets him back, "Hi..." Her voice is shaky.
"Can I show you something?" She nods at the mafioso, who whispers something under his breath. Rashomon comes creeping out of the back of his coat, although Atsushi takes a moment to stare at it. Did Akutagawa make it look cuter? He was aware that Rashomon often took the shape of... well, something, and that Akutagawa often treated it as a being instead of an ability.
The girl has no reaction at first, then she extends her hand as if to pet the coat, "Kitty...?"
"The real Kitty is over there." Akutagawa gestures towards Atsushi, and the girl notices her brother clinging to him, "He can turn into a tiger. Although, I think he's more of a house cat."
"Does he purr?"
A smile inches its way onto Akutagawa's face, "Definitely. He purrs all the time. I've heard it." Rashomon is still nuzzling in the girl's hands. "Do you have any pets?"
She nods, more enthusiastic now that they were talking animals, "We have a doggy and a kitty. They fight sometimes, but they never mean to hurt each other."
With a gentle thumb, Akutagawa wipes her tears, "How about we get you and your brother home so you can spend time with your pets... and your parents." He adds the last part in an unfamiliar way. The girl nods again, then practically jumps into Akutagawa's arms. She wraps herself around him like a sloth, hiding her face in the collar of the mafioso's coat.
When they rise from the ground, Atsushi gives him a silent thumbs up. They exit the barn after confirming to Dazai things had been taken care of and that they were on their way back. The walk back to the Agency takes a little longer now that they've got kids with them. The moon had long since risen, but it's bright enough for them to see the path in front of them.
While Rashomon entertains the children, Atsushi thinks about Akutagawa, which feels a little rude seeing as the man is standing right beside him. Still, Atsushi didn't think he had it in him. To be that good with a frightened child, it just seems odd. It was as if he was empathizing with her, like he understood what it was like to be in her situation-
A tugging on his hand pulls him out of his thoughts. A good thing. He doesn't think tonight is the night to unearth Akutagawa's obvious childhood trauma. "Mr... can't you do anything cool like this guy?" Atsushi almost chokes.
"I took down most of those bad guys!" The kids, plus Akutagawa, stare at him unimpressed. "Ugh, okay." Atsushi summons his ability, though only his tail. The children immediately reach for it with sparkling eyes.
He hears Akutagawa whisper to the little girl before putting her down, "Be gentle." Atsushi's tail swishes around, tickling the noses of the children and making them giggle. Atsushi circles around the mafioso, who continues walking without a word. The kids follow his tail, chasing him further up the road. Akutagawa watches, a strange feeling blooming in his chest.
Atsushi is good with kids. It isn't surprising but watching them play together has Akutagawa fighting back a fond smile. The weretiger is quite the sight. His eyes slightly reflect the moonlight, making him look more cat like. It must be a side effect of his ability. Akutagawa notices how Atsushi has no trouble seeing in the dark.
There's a large gust of wind, which causes the girl to run back towards Akutagawa and the boy back to Atsushi. They bury their heads as they shiver. Akutagawa can see the guilt on the weretiger's face. He feels bad he doesn't have a jacket of some sort. "I'm sorry I don't have something for you to keep warm with."
The boy lifts his head, "I don't need one. You're really warm anyway." Another side effect from the tiger, Akutagawa assumes. He runs hot, while Akutagawa freezes. He's still staring at him, admiring.
He's quite pretty- "Woah, your heart is beating really fast!" Atsushi turns his head at the girl's words. Akutagawa whips his head the other direction to avoid eye contact.
"Akutagawa, are you alright?" He can feel the weretiger's body heat as he takes a few steps closer, "Akuta-"
With a sharp inhale and a few coughs, Akutagawa snaps back, "I'm perfectly fine." He didn't mean for it the words to come out like that, like he was angry at Atsushi.
"Okay then." The kids settle in their arms, all worn out and ready to sleep. The rest of the walk is quiet. Crickets chirp and Akutagawa can't help but cough a few times. He tries not to jostle the girl around too much. He needs to distract himself from the man walking beside him.
Atsushi is doing the opposite. Akutagawa is the only thing he can think about, which may be a good thing. If his mind wasn't so occupied with the mafioso, he'd definitely be down a rabbit hole of his own childhood trauma. He thinks these missions are... triggering for him. Akutagawa keeps him grounded.
The way he handled the situation shocked Atsushi. He came to a few realizations. First, seeing Akutagawa holding a little kid made Atsushi feel unreasonably mushy. He couldn't help but grin every time he looked at the duo. Secondly, when did he grow so fond of the mafioso. He hated him so badly, and now... Now he feels himself gravitating towards the man.
He wants to glimpse into Akutagawa's mind and reveal every little secret one by one. Most of all, Atsushi is curious if he has a place in Akutagawa's future.
Upon reaching the Agency, the children finally wake up. The lights are still on despite the late hour, and most of the members are still bustling away. That was one thing Atsushi liked about working here. People tend to come and go as they please, so long as they have a key (or if the building is left unlocked).
There are two women crying into each other's arms. Kunikida is attempting to comfort them, but he seems to be struggling. Are these their parents? Atsushi clears his throat, catching everyone's attention. The boy practically jumps out his hold, "Momma!" Atsushi sees the girl slide out of Akutagawa's arms gently. The four of them hug, as it is a family reunion of the sorts.
Atsushi feels ill. He should be very happy, which he is glad they were reunited, but seeing them snuggling with tears in their eyes... Something akin to yearning aches in his chest. He hears Kunikida talk about trauma and therapy. The mothers nod along, trying their best to listen. The world around him seems to fade away. He wants that.
He deserved that.
Bumping into Akutagawa's stiff frame on his way out the door was an accident, but it seems to signal something to the man. Atsushi is followed back outside. He stands in front of the cafe entrance, not sure what to do with himself. The feeling will pass, he knows this. Still, he feels this awful jealously bubbling up inside of him.
"Jinko." Akutagawa calls from behind him, voice firm but also... worried? Atsushi can't speak. He can't offer any explanation. His head aches as he fights the tears welling up. Kyouka wasn't in the building, so she hadn't seen his sudden need to escape. If she had, she'd be the one out here, not Akutagawa. He could get mad, uselessly fight with the mafioso, but he just sighs.
Expelling the tension, a failed attempt to rid of the lump in his throat. Atsushi steps up to Akutagawa and places his forehead against his shoulder. Even if you do not know how, comfort me. There's silence, and then a hand pressed to the back of Atsushi's hair. The hesitance is obvious, but Akutagawa is trying to do something. Something helpful.
"It's just hard." Is all Atsushi can choke out without making more of a fool of himself.
He's so close to Akutagawa. If there was anyone on the streets, they would think they were hugging. Maybe his heartbeat is just quicker than other people's, "I know."
Atsushi does not ask how Akutagawa knows.
★ ／｜＼ ★
Elevator doors slide shut as Atsushi presses the button labeled number 3. This isn't his first awkward elevator ride with Akutagawa, but at least they weren't standing in opposite corners now. Thinking about that made Atsushi laugh. They had seemed so incompatible at the time; he didn't think they'd ever get along. Yet here they are.
The elevator stops suddenly, but the doors don't open. Atsushi presses a few of the buttons, confused. "Are we stuck?" Akutagawa stays silent behind him, as he had been most of the mission. Atsushi paid it no mind and assumed he just hadn't slept well the previous night. "I think we're stuck."
"I could open the doors using my ability." Atsushi starts thinking aloud, "That might damage them though. We should probably just wait for help. I was really hungry though." At Akutagawa's continued silence, the weretiger turns around.
The mafioso is slouching with his arms crossed over his chest. His head is drooping, and his eyes are closed, Atsushi thinks could be asleep. That can't be right... Akutagawa would never trust him enough to fall asleep in his presence. He'd made that very clear.
Taking a step closer, Atsushi examines his face, which is quite flushed. His breathing sounds off, but he's definitely asleep. The next inhale hitches, like it'd been caught in his throat, and Akutagawa breaks into a coughing fit. The elevator creaks as he leans over to cough into his hand. "J-Jinko-" is all he can muster out before losing his balance.
Atsushi catches him without a second thought. What brought this on? The man was unusually quiet, but this- It's so sudden. Atsushi knows Akutagawa doesn't have the healthiest immune system, but he's never seen him actually collapse. Akutagawa was strong, one of the strongest people Atsushi knows. To keep that version of himself alive, Akutagawa would leave the room whenever the inevitable coughing came to clutching at his lungs.
It's shocking and kind of terrifying.
Atsushi sits them down on the floor of the elevator, cursing as Akutagawa pants and coughs in his arms. The weretiger was not good with confined spaces. Without Akutagawa's presence, he probably would have panicked the second he realized he was stuck. The man below him grips at his cravat. If Atsushi could just calm down, he can assess the situation properly.
Taking a deep breath, Atsushi untucks the cravat from Akutagawa's collar. It's not like he's choking, but he's certainly having troubles breathing. From the way he kept pulling on the thing, Atsushi assumed it was bothering him. "Akutagawa, you're hyperventilating. You're making the coughing worse." His words fall on deaf ears.
He isn't good at this. He isn't qualified for this. The mafioso turns his head, coughing slightly spraying the ground with specs of blood rather than the weretiger's shirt. Oh, maybe he was injured during their mission earlier. "Now isn't the time to be considerate." Atsushi grabs the front of Akutagawa's shirt, bringing him up to eye level.
Akutagawa finally opens his eyes. He squints at Atsushi like he's trying to recognize him. "It- hurts-" Relief floods through Atsushi's body at the man's voice.
"Where does it hurt?" Akutagawa doesn't answer, but it's obvious where the pain is coming from. Without any warning, Atsushi moves his coat as far out of the way without taking it off and lifts Akutagawa's dress shirt in one fell swoop.
"Hey-!" Akutagawa curses at him through labored breathing, "Stop that!" If they were under different circumstances, Atsushi would take his time admiring the mafioso's milky white skin, but the only thing that strikes him as unusual is how skinny Akutagawa is. His ribs were almost visible. There's no obvious injury anywhere though.
His shirt is yanked down with cold hands. Even though his face is burning red and he's heaving, Akutagawa manages to give a deadly glare. This scene is rather... Atsushi is still so concerned, "Why are you coughing blood?"
"Shut up! Call for help or for Gin, just stop talking!" His tone of voice is one Atsushi hasn't heard in a long time. That, paired with the scratchiness in his throat, makes the weretiger realize. It's hard for him to speak.
"Your throat is hurting, right?" Akutagawa doesn't say anything, whether because he's too mad to talk, or because it really does hurt, Atsushi's not sure. A phone is handed to him after some fumbling with his coat.
Atsushi does what he's told. His conversation with Gin is short. As soon as they hear his voice, they're questioning him. Atsushi explains what happened meekly, and only a few minutes later, emergency services are there to help (along with Gin, who stands in pajamas, looking worried out of their mind). When they're free from the elevator, Gin completely takes over.
Akutagawa is their brother after all. Still, Atsushi feels useless standing in their apartment, unsure of what to do with himself. It's not until Akutagawa is successfully sound asleep with a cloth over his forehead, that Gin speaks to him again. "Thank you. He can be quite stubborn when it comes to his health."
The weretiger will remember counting breaths, repeating the words, "In" and "Out," as he holds onto Akutagawa like he'll disappear the moment he lets go. He would tell Akutagawa, "Breathe with me." And Akutagawa would do just that, even if his lungs rattle painfully with each intake of air.
★ ／｜＼ ★
Atsushi grips his phone, glaring at it like it’ll answer his question. He was thinking of Akutagawa, as he often did during work. The last time he saw the mafioso, he’d been sick. It was an unusual sight, as Atsushi was used to seeing someone strong when he looked at Akutagawa. Not that he wasn’t strong while ill, but he was weakened… Vulnerable.
What Atsushi is currently stuck on is the man’s eating habits. Before Atsushi picked up on Akutagawa’s sickly breathing, they were on their way to get a late night snack after a mission. The problem was that neither of them had any money on them (Atsushi didn’t take Akutagawa as a forgetful person). Thankfully, they were pretty close to whatever fancy building Akutagawa lived in.
Ignoring the fact that the mafioso fainted on the elevator ride up, and that Gin had to be called because Atsushi had no clue what he was doing, here’s what happened:
Gin arrived, Atsushi explained the situation, feeling a knot twist around in his stomach as Gin’s expression darkened. He helped with what he could, but he supposes this isn’t the assassin’s first time taking care of their brother.
When Akutagawa was feeling a little bit better, food was placed in front of him. Atsushi watches as his face changes from one of disgust to one of hunger. A change in the mafioso’s eyes maybe, but whenever Gin takes a bite out of her food, Akutagawa follows suit. Just- a lot faster. Too fast.
Atsushi knows this hunger. He approaches Akutagawa, “You need to slow down-“ He’s gotten too close. Akutagawa snatches his bowl away, tucking it closer to his body like an animal. Like a dog, “or you’ll get sick.”
“I’m sorry. He’s not quite himself when he’s sick.” Gin speaks up, unreasonably apologetic. Atsushi had made quite a few jokes about Akutagawa’s ability is him being hangry, but he wasn’t too serious.
The assassin behaves like this is regular thing for them. It makes Atsushi’s insides hurt. He doesn’t question if this sickness is contagious. Somehow, he knows it’s not. There is no point in asking.
He faintly remembers hearing the sound of throwing up while being hurried out the door by one anxious sibling.
So, why is this bothering Atsushi so badly? Maybe it’s because he recognizes the signs, knows what it’s like. He looks away from his phone and clicks call, cringing as the sound vibrates around the Agency.
“Jinko.” Akutagawa greets, sounding much better he previously had.
Atsushi looks around, noticing the eyes of his coworker’s on him. Was he bothering them or were they just curious? “Hey, Akutagawa! Um, so it’s my lunch break and I was thinking-“ Atsushi meets eyes with Dazai, “Was wondering if you could come pick up some files from the Agency…?”
His voice sounds timid, he isn’t sure why he’s nervous or why he’s lying about having files. Theres silence on the other end of the phone, until a very hesitant, “Okay,” snaps Atsushi out of his thoughts.
“And… do you think we could get some food?”
There’s a scoff, filled with amusement, “Using me to fuel your endless appetite, I see.” Atsushi liked when Akutagawa joked with him like this. Somehow, it relieved all the tension in his body.
The phone clicks as Akutagawa hangs up. His voice had been soft.
When Atsushi slides his chair back to stand up, half the Agency is looking at him. Everyone was eating and talking until he made that call. “Um… Is something the matter?”
Junichiro pops his head up, “No, I mean-“ He fumbles with his fingers in a nervous manner, “You’re taking your lunch break with… Akutagawa? The Port Mafia’s dog?”
Ah. “Well, yes. It does sound unusual when you say it like that.” I’ve been spending more time with him than you lately, Atsushi holds his tongue. The conversation does not go any further, as Atsushi decides to wait outside for the mafioso. There’s a strange feeling in his gut, twisting and turning at Junichiro’s words. Like annoyance, like he needs to defend, to protect.
But Akutagawa does not need protection. The fact makes itself clear as the man himself walks up to Atsushi with stride, head held high and ready to pretend he wasn’t gasping for air the last time they’d met.
Not in that way… Atsushi’s cheeks are turning pink. He shakes his head, greeting Akutagawa with a smile, “Hey, you made it here fast.”
“I was in the area.” He was not, in fact, in the area. “The files?”
“Oh, uh- How about we eat first?” The slight panic is evident in his voice, but he doesn’t question it.
Akutagawa sighs, like he’s pretending to be irritated. It doesn’t work very well, “What do you want to eat then, Jinko?”
A sudden braveness takes over Atsushi’s body at the question. He wraps his arm around Akutagawa’s, leading them to some little shops and food trucks not too far from the Agency, “I’m not sure yet.”
The mafioso scoffs, “You asked me to feed you and you don’t even know what you want?”
“I didn’t ask you to feed me! I invited you to eat with me. There’s a difference.” Atsushi pulls the two of them into a coffee shop, which also has breakfast items and pastries. Akutagawa didn’t immediately cut his arm off, so that was a win in his book.
“Sure.”
After ordering a few things for himself, Atsushi tugs on Akutagawa’s sleeve. The man looks nauseated as he hands a card to weretiger. After paying and getting their food, Atsushi leads them outside. “Are you feeling bad?”
Akutagawa has a hand over his mouth, a familiar move that had seemed cool to Atsushi when they first met. The coughs that sound afterward not so much, “I am fine. The smell of the coffee was just strong.”
Atsushi does not need this information, yet it stores itself in a box at the back of his head labeled ‘Akutagawa.’
They sit at a nearby bench and pull out their food. Or rather, Atsushi pulls out their food with the excitement of a toddler. A pastry is passed to Akutagawa, who had told the weretiger to order for him. He watches as Atsushi takes his first eager bite, then follows in the action.
He eats slowly. Atsushi makes another mental note.
By the time the two of them get back to the Agency, Atsushi’s lunch break had been over by 20 minutes. He says goodbye to Akutagawa in a rush, and thanks him for the meal because unlike someone, he was taught manners. The files are long forgotten.
From then on, they start spending more time together ‘off duty.’ Atsushi watches Akutagawa carefully, and notices how somedays he eats too fast, or too slow, or not at all.
He also notices that Akutagawa will take half of whatever Atsushi is eating always. If it is torn and handed to him, he will always take it, like he can’t say no. Because food is food and he will take what he can get, even when he can’t eat it. “For Gin.” He’ll say, and Atsushi will smile knowingly.