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Dazai and Chuuya watched quietly as Kunikida shushed them and wandered away. He crouched over, moving cautiously, hands out like he was balancing on a tightrope. He looked silly. But Dazai and Chuuya held their laughter because, whatever it was, seemed important to him.
“Hey… It’s okay…”
They’d never heard Kunikida’s voice so gentle. They’d heard him soften it for a kid on occasion but they’d never heard it like that. He slowly crouched down by the dumpster and put out his hand. A shadow growled. Kunikida didn’t jump at the aggression but retreated slightly.
“Hey,” Kunikida turned to the pair, “You got any treats on you?”
“Uh…” Chuuya mumbled, patting his pockets.
“We’ve got gummy worms,” Dazai said.
“No, idiot — dog treats,” Kunikida clarified.
“Why would you need—?” Dazai stood up suddenly. “What are you doing over there?”
“I think it’s hurt…” Kunikida said as if the pain was his own.
Chuuya laughed a little bit. “Kuni’s found a new stray to take in.”
“Just put the thing out of its misery, Kunikida!” Dazai exclaimed.
Kunikida raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you fuckin’ heartless?”
“Yes!” Dazai said, “Have I ever claimed otherwise?!”
Chuuya just rolled his eyes at Dazai before he arrived by Kunikida. He crouched down next to him and let his eyes land on the poor stray. A little white dog, muddied with dirt and grime. It looked deathly thin and shook like a rabbit.
Chuuya carefully took off his jacket and placed it on the ground in front of the dog. He carefully tugged on Kunikida’s sleeve, urging him to step back. With some space, the dog didn’t cower as defensively. It stepped forward curiously, paws relieved to walk on something soft. The jacket still had Chuuya’s warmth imbued in it. In shadow, Chuuya’s jacket was nothing short of a luxurious bed. Kunikida and Chuuya watched with a glow in their chests as the little thing curled up on Chuuya’s jacket and closed its eyes.
Kunikida cooed, “Little thing…”
“Are you two done?” Dazai called from a safe distance.
“We should probably take it to the vet or something,” Kunikida said, “It looks hurt…”
“Mm… Okay, I’ll carry it. You go carry Dazai,” he chuckled slightly.
Kunikida nodded and wandered over. He stood by Dazai and didn’t say anything for a while. Partly because he didn’t know what to say without making Dazai mad at him, and partly because he wanted to keep watching Chuuya be so careful with something. He tended to be even more hot-headed than Kunikida, so it was interesting to watch him move with such precision and attention to delicacy. Naturally, he used his ability. The dog didn’t even notice as it was lifted into the air and settled in Chuuya’s arms. Kunikida could have almost sworn it cuddled into him
“Hey, what’s wrong with you?” Kunikida asked.
“You don’t keep a list?” Dazai grumbled.
“No, I do. But ‘evil about dogs’ is not a point on it… yet…”
Dazai glared at him.
“Did one bite you as a kid or something?”
“I just don’t like them,” Dazai crossed his arms.
“What monster doesn’t like dogs?”
“Me! Okay?!” Dazai snapped.
“Dazai…”
“You go to the damn vet with Chuuya…” he grumbled, “I’m going home.”
“No, you’re not… Stop pouting.” Kunikda grabbed his hand and tugged him into motion. “Come on.”
Dazai let out a weird whiney grumble but didn’t wriggle out of Kunikida’s grasp as Kunikida knew he could have. He let himself be tethered and behaved himself. Kunikida appreciated his begrudging compliance and even lagged a few steps behind Chuuya to give him a bit of extra space.
Chuuya led them straight to the vet without even looking it up on his phone. Kunikida gathered that this wasn’t the first time he’d done this. He must just spend all his patience and care on this instead of anything else. It was so fascinating to Kunikia that in front of him was a kid with a dog happily nestled in his arms and behind him was a kid who couldn’t even look at a dog without growling at it. He expected little else from the pair.
“Hey, we found this dog, we think it’s hurt,” Chuuya got the attention of the first vet he saw, pushing the dog into her arms. “Can you help?”
“O-Oh, poor thing. Come on through, I’ll take a look.”
Chuuya looked back at Dazai and Kunikida, hesitating for a moment. Kunikida nodded towards Dazai, telling Chuuya to go on without them. Kunikida took a seat and watched Dazai stand still in the middle of the room. He looked lost… Which was funny because he sort of looked like a black cat lost in a pile of laundry and bandages; all that peeked out were his slow blinking eyes— eye. If nothing else, he was one of the creatures in here that looked most like it needed to be at the vet. Kunikida laughed to himself.
“What?” Dazai blinked at him with his cat-like eye.
“Sit down before they put you down,” Kunikida said.
“Do you think they’d do that?” Kunikida hated the way Dazai looked hopeful.
Kunikida glared. “Sit down before I learn necromancy.”
Dazai pouted and sat down next to Kunikida. He wouldn’t put it past him to do something like that. He swung his feet idly. He could feel Kunikida’s eyes on him but didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of noticing. He looked straight forward. He looked straight forward until the door opened and a crying dog entered. When it saw Dazai watching, it growled. Dazai hugged himself tighter.
“It’s in a crate, it won’t bite you,” Kunikida said.
“I’m not an idiot.”
“Well…” Kunikida tilted his head in uncertainty at Dazai’s claim.
Dazai just glared at him.
“God, why are you in such a sour mood?”
“You know exactly why…” Dazai grumbled.
“So, why are you scared of dogs?”
“I’m not scared of them!” he exclaimed, “I never said that.”
“Well, you don’t tend to say an awful lot… At least nothing of value…”
Dazai leaned his head back against the wall behind him. Kunikida gestured to his silence.
“Oh, you could stand to shut up every once in a while,” Dazai said.
“I don’t think I will,” Kunikida grumbled.
“That’s just like you,” he rolled his eyes.
“If you’re so sick of me, I don’t have to keep coming back.”
“Well, Chuuya would never forgive me for that.”
“And you’d be able to forgive yourself?” Kunikida scoffed, “Don’t play heartless — I know you’re really not.”
“You don’t know anything.”
“You can’t play that card when the only reason that’s the case is because you don’t actually like to talk to me.”
Dazai felt his blood run cold for a moment. It wasn’t long enough to make him shiver or give away the fact that it did. But there was something in Kunikida’s words that upset some part of him in some way. He couldn’t tell if it was because what he had said was untrue or if it was because it devastatingly was. Dazai didn’t really like talking to anyone though. At least not in the way Kunikida defined ‘talking’ — He liked talking to people sometimes but never about himself. And that was what Kunikida had issue with. Which wasn’t fair. Kunikida never talked about himself. It was only when Dazai prodded him that he ever revealed anything. But… Kunikida was prodding him now… And he felt his lips tighter than ever…
“K… Kunikida—”
Chuuya stomped out of the room, making enough of a racket to cut Dazai off. Kunikida stood to meet him, never cowering no matter how worked up the other party seemed. Dazai couldn’t help but feel that that tendency could cause trouble for him at some point, if it hadn’t already.
“It’s gonna fuckin’ die,” Chuuya kicked the water cooler, using his ability to make sure it didn’t fall over.
“What?!” Kunikida looked like he’d just gotten word that his husband had died in war.
“No point in savin’ a stray at the moment, apparently — pounds in the area are overrun and if they’re not put down here they’re put down there. Too expensive to save it if it’s just gonna die when it gets there.”
“But that’s…” Kunikida’s brow furrowed, “That’s not fair…”
Dazai couldn’t watch. He’d seen enough of their misery before but it was so much worse when they were both wading in it. He wasn’t sure what the chemical reaction was that caused their grief to thicken and lock Dazai out but it was a powerful thing. It was unfair but Kunikida had managed to convince himself, and maybe even Chuuya, that things in life didn’t have to be. That was the real unfairness.
Dazai stood up slowly and walked outside. He needed a drink. Or to join that damn dog. He didn’t like being right as much as people thought he did. There was satisfaction in the little things sometimes but something rather brutal in the bigger things. The same thing he adored about Kunikida was the thing he hated about him most; he didn’t give up. He hadn’t been broken by the world yet which was beautiful, but one day he would be and it would crush him. Even if Dazai knew it would happen eventually, he truthfully wished it wouldn’t. He prayed that Kunikida was strong enough to keep from breaking. But at the same time, the longer it was postponed, the worse it would be. Dazai predicted that this wouldn’t be the event. He’d already figured out about eight different ways Kunikida was getting out of this and every way he thought of made him grit his teeth a little harder. Dogs died every day. Even if Kunikida refused to accept that, he still knew it in his heart. Even if he failed, the worst he’d get up to is taking a sip of Dazai’s drink only to spit it out in disgust when he remembers alcohol tastes like shit.
Dazai only just managed to catch himself after someone roughly shoved his shoulder. He looked up to see Kunikida. Kunikida didn’t say anything. Not at first. He watched the dark sky for a moment before wiping his nose on the back of his hand.
Dazai didn’t know where Kunikida needed to be but he knew in the back of his brain it needed to be far away from here. Dazai killed three people today and Kunikida cried because he couldn’t save a stray dog he’d never had any previous attachment to. He knew that. But he also knew he’d lose him eventually and he just didn’t want it to happen just yet. If this was going to end, he wanted to hold onto it for a little longer. Kunikida was something he’d never get the chance to experience again. It would be stupid to do anything but his best to preserve this. Dazai slowly approached and tugged on Kunikida’s sleeve. Kunikida looked down at him and Dazai almost felt relieved when his face started to soften.
Kunikida hadn’t found a way to save the dog. It wasn’t for a lack of trying. He just knew, even if he found the money for it, there was no one he could burden with it. He’d also learned that, even if the dog recovered, there was permanent damage that would cost even more to tend to throughout the years. It was almost cruel to the dog itself.
Chuuya was already back in the office when Dazai and Kunikida got there. Dazai recognised the relief on his face. He gently pushed Kunikida forward until his shoulder bumped into Chuuya’s. Once the two were connected, they didn’t separate. Dazai was almost comforted by the way Kunikida’s head almost leaned atop Chuuya’s.
When the vet walked back in with the dog, Chuuya and Kunikida instinctively took each other’s hands. The vet explained the procedure but Dazai tuned out the details. He was more invested in the humanity that Kunikida and Chuuya were displaying than he ever could be in a stupid sick dog. The dog was already injected with somethingorother to keep it sedated so it did not struggle. Dazai wasn’t looking, but he knew when the dog’s heart finally stopped; it wasn’t because he felt it in his own chest, he knew because Kunikida reached back and gripped his hand as tightly as he gripped Chuuya’s.
Chuuya didn’t cry — Dazai wasn’t sure he was capable of crying, But Kunikida did. Of course, he did. He cried enough for all three of them.
As Dazai predicted, not long after, Kunikida had snatched Dazai’s drink from his hand, managed to get one gulp in before he actually tasted it; he then spat the rest of it onto the ground, coughing like he’d choked on it.
“You guys are disgusting,” Kunikida said, catching his breath.
The others just shrugged and took another sip.
Dazai had managed to sneak around and pay for the drinks without the other two noticing. Though, even if he had done it right in front of them he wasn’t sure they’d recall it — they were distracted; Dazai hadn’t decided if it was convenient or annoying yet. He supposed he didn’t mind too much. They weren’t paying enough attention to notice how much less he cared than they did. It was probably better that way. This way, Kunikida could sit next to him, almost close enough that he was leaning on him and he didn’t feel strange about it. Chuuya didn’t hate him anymore than usual either which meant he let Dazai be so close to Kunikida.
This was probably the time that Dazai should have trained Kunikida to never rely on him in times of need… Dazai wasn’t the person for that. Neither was Chuuya. It was stupid to allow Kunikida to be comfortable and vulnerable in their presence. But at the same time, he couldn’t be the one to hurt Kunikida any more than he was already hurting right now. So, he didn’t. He was by no means warm but he let Kunikida think he was and let him soak up the facade of warmth he wasn’t admitting was an illusion.
Dazai wasn’t the stray Kunikida should have taken in. He would never be as grateful as he should have been. He would never be as rewarding to love as a little dog who did nothing but love its owner back. The thing that killed Dazai most was the fact that Kunikida didn’t seem to mind. It was like he’d found something in him that Dazai himself had failed to see. Of course, that must have been impossible. The most likely explanation was that Kunikida had deluded himself into thinking there was more to him. But there was almost something comforting about that.
Dazai eventually rested his head against Kunikida’s shoulder figuring why should he not? His head was getting heavier anyway. Naturally, Kunikida let him. He probably convinced himself that Dazai was somehow feeling the same way that he was. Maybe it wasn’t the worst thing in the world for Kunikida to believe something that wasn’t true. Even if Dazai knew he was right, some part of him still dared to hope that he wasn’t. It would have been nicer if Kunikida was. For the first time in a while, he didn’t concern himself with tearing down something optimistic in favour of presenting what was real. It didn’t matter to him for once. It was nice.