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“Hey, Mickey, honey? You have a visitor!”
Mickey came down the stairs just a minute later, “Oh! What’s up, bro?”
Ian looked at Mickey and gulped ever so slightly.
“You get upstairs and clean up down there real good. I’m comin’ for you,” Mickey smirked at Byron and slapped his butt as he jogged up the stairs, “Come on… Go on… Alright.”
“It looks like things are going well between you two,” Ian looked at Mickey as he let the apartment door close and walked towards Ian.
“Uh, yeah. It’s like The Love Boat up there. Could not be happier.”
“Here,” Ian held out his hand.
“The fuck is that? This an engagement ring?”
“No, no,” Ian shook his head, “It’s a- it’s a promise ring.”
“You’re kidding me.”
“No. I have one too,” Ian reached into his shirt and pulled out the chain, “See?”
“Sweet.”
“Alright look, Gallaghers and marriage, they don’t mix well,” Ian tried, “But a Gallagher keeps his promise. Look, do we really need a piece of paper from the state to say that I’m committed? I’m committed.”
Mickey grabbed Ian’s hand, setting the ring back in his palm, “Nah, I’m good.”
Mickey tried to walk away but Ian grabbed him, balancing on the crutches.
“Mick-Mickey.”
“No,” Mickey cut him off, “A fucking promise ring? What are you, a teenage girl? You’re not even wearing yours. You got it around your neck. You can just tuck it in there and no one even has to see it.”
“It doesn’t matter where you wear it. It-it-it symbolizes commitment. I’m not saying never.”
“No, just saying you don’t love me enough now, and that’s fine. It’s cool. I got Barry.”
“Byron.”
“He answers to whatever the fuck I call him, alright? ‘Cause that’s true love.”
Ian fought back tears as Mickey started to walk away.
He didn’t speak again until Mickey’s back was turned, “How do you know you love me? Huh?”
Mickey turned back around but stayed silent.”
“How do you really know? I’m bipolar, right? I don’t know who I am from one day to the next. I can’t guarantee shit. So why do you wanna spend the rest of your life with me? Are you fucking crazy? And who else have you dated?”
“I’ve dated plenty of people-”
“No, no, no, no, no. Not fucked, dated, been in love with. How can you possible know that me, that-that this, all of me, all the fucking versions I am, how do you know that that’s what you wanna spend the rest of your life with.”
And that’s when Mickey realized what was going on. Mickey could see the exhaustion in his body and the hint of a crazed look in his eyes.
And then he thought back on Ian’s behavior, the rapid changes in decisions, the sudden fight at the courthouse…
Mickey stepped back onto the porch of the building and got close to Ian.
“Fuck, Ian,” Mickey sighed brokenly.
Ian looked at him, his body sagging against the crutches.
“How did I not see it before?” Mickey muttered to himself before moving Ian’s head up so their eyes met, “Ian, I know that I want to spend my life with you because I have been in love with every version of
you. I loved you before your disease took over, I loved you before you were on the meds, I loved you when you were first on the meds and that’s why it killed me so much to see you like that; and I even fucking loved you when you went off your meds and started a cult- why fucking else would I have turned myself into the feds for you?”
“I-I can’t-” Ian cut himself off when the pace of his breathing increased and he clutched at his chest, barely keeping himself upright on his crutches.
“Woah, hey, come sit down,” Mickey grabbed Ian by the shoulders and moved him so he was sitting on the front stoop.
“Can’t breathe-”
“Alright, alright, it’s alright. C’mon,” Mickey grabbed Ian’s hand and guided it to his chest, “Feel my heartbeat. Alright? You gotta calm down before you fucking pass out on me man.”
Ian’s eyes were squeezed tightly shut.
“So loud Mickey,” Ian muttered, still panicked, “I love you-”
“Hey, no, not right now. You gotta calm down first.”
Ian nodded rapidly.
Mickey finally helped Ian’s breathing even out.
“I love you so much it hurts, Mick. I can’t imagine spending a day without you ever again. I-I haven’t slept since you left. The voices are just so loud. You don’t deserve me. I’m just gonna ruin you. That’s
all I ever fucking do.”
“Ian, think about the last few days,” Mickey sighed, “Think about it, man. Go through the checklist shit your doctor wants you to go through.”
“Fuck,” Ian choked out.
“I shoulda seen it sooner, c’mon, let’s get you home. We’ll go to the clinic in the morning.”
“No, go back up to Byron, you don’t have to come with me just because I’m having some episode-”
“I’m not. ‘M comin’ with ya because I want to be with you.”
“I fucked it up again,” Ian muttered, smacking himself on the side of the head.
“Nope, we don’t do that. Come on. Time to go home.”
“Your stuff-”
“I’ll come back for it tomorrow. Come on.”
Mickey helped Ian back up.
“I don’t deserve you,” Ian sobbed out.
Mickey pulled him in for a hug.
“Yes you do, Gallagher. You do deserve it. That’s the sickness taking over, come on.”
Mickey led Ian to the bus and got him home, taking him right up the stairs to their room.
He got Ian to sit on the bed.
“How long since you’ve slept?”
“Dunno. Think I got a couple hours some time.”
“Did you take your pills tonight?”
Ian shook his head, “Haven’t taken ‘em in a… week? I think? Maybe longer.”
“Why?” Mickey’s voice softened again and he crouched in front of the redhead.
“Ran out a couple of days before the cops showed up,” Ian muttered, “Then a mix up happened at the pharmacy and my refill wasn’t ready. I was gonna go get my pills after breakfast but then we didn’t go
to breakfast and I forgot… I’m so sorry Mick, I should’ve told you, but I thought a few days would be fine. Now I’ve fucked up again and you can leave if you want to. I get that-”
“Ian, I’m not leaving you. I’m not leaving ever again. We’re gonna go to the clinic in the morning and get your pills refilled, alright? The last couple days never fucking happened in my book.”
Ian sobbed again and Mickey’s heart nearly broke.
He moved up so he was sitting on the bed and pulled Ian in.
Ian clung to Mickey like a koala as he tried to stop the sobs.
It didn’t take long for Ian to fall asleep.
Once he was sure that the redhead was out cold, Mickey peeled himself away from Ian and went downstairs to get a beer.
“When did you get back?”
Mickey jumped, not realizing all of the Gallaghers were sitting in the living room watching a movie now.
“Two hours I guess,” Mickey shrugged.
“So you and Ian made up? Debbie questioned.
“Guess.”
“No bruises?” Lip laughed, “Normally your pattern is argue, run off, beat each other up, fuck, and then go back to normal.”
“Yeah, well, we didn’t need to do that this time,” Mickey snapped, more angry at himself than the four Gallagher siblings.
Tami jumped in her seat, not used to Mickey’s sudden bursts of anger.
“Didn’t need to do it because I should’ve seen that that wasn’t Ian.”
“Oh fuck,” Lip commented, being the first to realize what Mickey was saying.
“What? Does he have like an evil twin or something?” Tami asked, “Oh no, please don’t tell me there are more of you?”
“No,” Lip looked at Tami to stop her from talking, “Is he alright?”
Mickey took a swig of his beer and nodded, “For now. Got him upstairs. Doesn’t even know how long he’s been without sleepin’. Finally passed out like half hour ago.”
“Is he taking his meds?” Debbie asked.
“No. Ran out days ago and the pharmacy fucked up. Didn’t have his refill ready in time. He didn’t tell anyone and then the stress with our fucking PO blackmailing us and then getting chucked outta
window sent him into a spiral. I’ll get him to the clinic tomorrow, hopefully, if he doesn’t crash overnight.”
“How bad is the episode?” Lip questioned.
“Don’t even fucking know. Never seen ‘im like this before. It’s like he’s in a fucking low and a high at once. He’s got the energy and gotta move fast demeanor and the no sleep, but it’s all sad and panic.”
“Mixed episode,” Debbie called out.
“Fucking what?”
“Yeah- yeah,” Carl nodded, “Monica used to get them sometimes.”
“It’s exactly what it sounds like,” Lip supplied, “He’s got some of the mania symptoms and some of the depression symptoms all at once.”
“What the hell are you all talking about?” Tami jumped in.
“Ian’s bipolar,” Lip informed her.
“How the fuck did you not know that Gay Jesus wasn’t in his right mind?” Mickey looked at her.
“I didn’t know. I didn’t know Ian until he got released,” Tami defended.
“He started a cult and blew up a van,” Mickey shot back.
“Hey,” Lip interrupted, “Not helping. Mick, do you need anything?”
“Nah, I got ‘im. Expect the unexpected.”
Mickey finished his beer and tossed it in the trash before he went back up the stairs to Ian.
He laid down on the bed next to Ian and started gently carding his fingers through the red locks of hair, “Fuck Gallagher, I shoulda seen it. I shoulda checked in with you instead of gettin’ pissed off. Now you’re hurt just because I lashed out at you when you weren’t even in control of yourself. I’m gonna get you through this.”
Ian snuffled in his sleep and burrowed his head into Mickey’s stomach.
“Fuck,” Mickey muttered, “You get clingy when you’re not feeling like yourself. Not that I’m complainin’. Jesus, maybe I’m losin’ my shit. I’m talking to nothing.”
Mickey moved so he was laying down and pulled Ian closer to him, falling asleep himself.
-
Mickey woke up hyper aware to the giant ginger sprawled out nearly on top of him on their bed and part of Mickey was relieved. Ian hadn’t turned away from him and distanced himself as much as possible in the night which boded well for Mickey being able to get him to a clinic.
Mickey gently ran his hands through Ian’s hair until he slowly started to wake up.
“Mick?”
“Mornin’ Red.”
“You-you’re still here?”
“Course I am, c’mere.”
Ian moved up so he buried his head in the crook of Mickey’s neck.
Mickey gave the very clingy Ian a kiss on the top of the head.
“You know we’ve gotta go to a clinic today, right?”
“I know Mick.”
“Good.”
“Thank you for staying.”
Mickey looked down at Ian sadly, “I know your brain is tellin’ you otherwise, but I love ya and ‘m not leavin’.”
Mickey sat up with Ian still clung to him, “Why don’t we go take a shower to wake up a little.”
Ian nodded slowly and followed Mickey to the bathroom.
The two stripped and got into the shower.
Ian started to push Mickey against the back of the shower wall and moved to sink to his knees before Mickey stopped him, “Hey, we don’t gotta do anything.”
“But why did you wanna shower together if you didn’t want anything?”
Mickey sighed and put both hands on Ian’s shoulders to look him in the eyes, “You’re clearly not in the mood for anything so I’m not either. I just wanted to be with you.”
“Oh,” Ian looked relieved.
The two finished showering and got dressed.
Mickey took a very nervous Ian to the clinic where the two waited for the doctor to call Ian back.
Ian dragged Mickey with him as he was called back into the hospital room.
An hour later the two left the clinic, Ian with his pills in hand.
Mickey took him to get food before he took his pills at home.
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing, Red. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
Ian turned and pulled Mickey into a crushing hug, burying his face in his husband’s neck.
“Pills hittin’ you?”
Ian shook his head, “No. Same dosages as before. Nothin’s changed.”
“You hittin’ a low?”
Ian shook his head again, “I just feel like an asshole and I wanna prove to you that I really do love you.”
“I know you love me, Gallagher.”
“I wanna marry you.”
“We don’t have to talk about this right now Gallagher.”
“Yes we do Mick.”
“No, we talk about this once the meds kick in and you feel normal again.”
“Fine, but can I just say one more thing?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“What?”
“You kept saying that you can’t believe you didn’t see it, but it’s not your fault either that you didn’t see what was coming. Just because you missed it, that doesn’t mean you need to be mad with yourself.
Every episode is gonna be different and you’re not gonna be able to see what’s me and what’s the disease right away. I don’t blame you for reacting.”
“I hurt you.”
“So? We’ve fought before, tons of times.”
“But I’ve never actually fucking hurt you. You’re on crutches.”
Ian shrugged, “Just means I get to spend more time with you.”
Ian pushed Mickey so he was laying down on their bed before moving so he was half laying on his boyfriend.
“Maybe the meds are hitting me,” Ian muttered before closing his eyes.
Mickey made sure to wrap his arms around his boyfriend before falling asleep too.
-
Ian was back to normal within a couple days and he wanted to talk to Mickey, but the Milkovich would only shut him down.
He was finally fed up after a week.
“Mickey, we’re fucking talking about this.”
“What do you want to talk about Gallagher?”
“How I fucked up again.”
“Ian…”
“No, you’ve been shutting me down for days.”
“I don’t want you to trigger yourself by talking about this-”
“Not talking about this is going to be worse for me, Mickey.”
“Fine.”
“I should’ve told you that I ran out of my meds, and I didn’t because I was scared that you’d be mad at me for being so irresponsible.”
“It wasn’t your fault Ian.”
Ian nodded and looked down, “I hurt you again.”
“It hurt at first, but then I realized that it wasn’t you. Ian, I’m never going to be mad at you for something that isn’t in your control, and fuck, it shouldn't matter that you hurt me a little because I fucking pushed you down a flight of stairs. There's no fucking excuse for that."
"Mick, it's alright. We fight, and I know you didn't mean to really hurt me."
"I'm just like my fucking dad."
"No you're not, Mickey. You're nothing like your dad. The fact that you're this fucking upset about it makes you nothing like him."
"Fuck, I love you.”
“I love you too Mick, and I do want to marry you, Mick.”
“Ian…”
“No, I really do want to marry you, Mick,” Ian sighed, “They’re not promise rings. I bought them two days after you got out of prison… My first proposal wasn’t planned, it was an impulse from the episode, and then my brain told me in that courthouse that you didn’t really want that and you just felt bad for me, and I flipped out.”
Mickey grabbed his hand, “You really do want to marry me?”
“I want to be your husband. I want to be together for the rest of our lives, and I’m sorry if I fucked it up. I get it if you don’t want to marry me anymore-”
“Gallagher, I wanna marry you too, and I’m sorry about flippin’ my lid.”
Ian looked at Mickey, leaning in and pulling him into a kiss.
“You know, I shoulda known that there was somethin’ going on with you the second that you said that marriage was just a fucking piece of paper after that speech you made when I married Svetlana.”
Ian laughed.
“You still got those rings?”
Ian nodded rapidly and hurried over to his dresser.
He walked back to Mickey and got down onto one knee, “Mikhailo Aleksandr Milkovich, will you marry me?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll fucking marry you.”
Ian stood back up, putting the rings on each of their fingers before moving to kiss Mickey, almost falling on top of him.”
“Jesus, watch it you fucking giant. Don’t wanna kill me before we can get married.”
Ian laughed and rolled off of him, “I don’t wanna just go to the courthouse Mick. I want my family there.”
Mickey nodded, “And I wanna fucking stick it to Terry. Show him how happy we are motherfucker.”
Ian’s laughter continued, “Sure Mick, you do that.”