Work Text:
Yusuke is selfish.
Maybe it's a demon thing, the whole selfish desires thing, the whole not wanting to let any of them go, the whole not being able to choose, the whole wanting all of them thing, or maybe it's just a Yusuke thing. Who knows?
What he does know is that he loves them, his friends, each and every one of them and that he'd do damn near anything for them, except choose, because that's the one thing he can't bring himself to do. The obvious choice is Keiko, obvious because he's always loved her, obvious because she loves him too, because she's the childhood sweetheart, because she's pretty, smart, stubborn, a no-nonsense kinda gal, who's caring, but who isn't afraid to knock him around and obvious because she's the choice that's been laid out for him since the beginning.
Except she isn't, not really.
If they're talking looks and smarts, Yusuke's pretty sure Kurama takes the cake. The fox is whip sharp wit, clever, calculating and Keiko may be book smart but Kurama is cunning. He is ancient knowledge and knowing smiles and he is the most beautiful person Yusuke's ever seen, not that Keiko isn't pretty, cause she is, it's just that Kurama is something else entirely, blood red hair, emerald green eyes and ethereal breathtaking elegance with a sharp edge of cold unforgiving brutality. If he was going for beauty and intelligence then the obvious choice would be Kurama, but Kurama is stubborn, reserved, and Yusuke wonders if he could ever coax Kurama out from behind his carefully constructed walls like Hiei.
And speaking of stubborn...
When it comes to sheer stubborn determination, nobody can top Kuwabara. Who it seems, lives to defeat all expectations, to soldier on and beat all the odds, even with his thick head, or maybe because of it. He's sensitive too, though he'd never admit it, and he cares, a lot, too much Yusuke thinks sometimes. Kuwabara who's bleeding heart extends to almost everyone, even stray kittens he picks off the streets. Kuwabara who's earnest and surprisingly noble and ugly as sin, but perhaps just the right kind of ugly that actually makes him kind of attractive. Kuwabara who has kissed him goodbye, who's in love with him too. Kuwabara whom he trusts with his life, who only wanted to fight him when they first met. He's still waiting for Kuwabara to actually beat him in a fight, though they haven't had a real proper fight in ages.
And thinking of fighting inevitably draws this thoughts to Hiei.
Hiei who fights hard, violent and brutal, with every ounce of his being. Hiei who grumbles and groans and tries so hard to maintain his disinterested facade, who tries to pretend he doesn't care either way, who cares more for his sister than he will ever say, who cares for them too, in his own way. Hiei who isn't afraid kick his ass when he needs it, who says he's not afraid of anything, who's probably more afraid than Yusuke will ever get to see. Hiei who's fought, tooth and nail for everything he has, for what little he has. Hiei who pretends not to care because he cares too much, who's scared to lose what he has, who runs and hides behind stony silences and barbed words. Hiei who visits Kurama and watches him from afar.
They're all the obvious choice to him, they haven't always been, but now he knows them, Yusuke doesn't think he could ever stop loving them.
He proposes to Keiko, not because it's the obvious choice (he respects her more than that), but because he wants to. He asks her because he can't imagine wanting to marry any other girl, because he wants to share his life with her, because he's always known she was right for him.
And years ago, when he first told Keiko about Kuwabara he'd been nervous, had stumbled when he told her about mumbled confessions and burning cheeks and sweaty palms she hadn't said a word, had sat there quietly and listened and when he was finished he'd asked her if he could be selfish, asked if she'd be okay with this and she'd just smiled.
"That's just how you are, silly."
If it had been possible then, Yusuke swears he would have fallen for her all over again. It was then that he knew for a fact that Keiko was perfect for him, it was even better knowing that he had a boyfriend too.
It should have been enough.
It wasn't.
Yusuke Urameshi is nineteen, he has a ramen stand, a cramped modest apartment he shares with his nagging lovely fiancée (whom he has a lot sex with). He also has a caring boyfriend (who doesn't have sex at all) with a room he can always escape to on weekends. His mother is in good health and he has many good friends.
He has everything he could want to be happy.
He isn't, because if wanting has taught him anything it's wanting more. And what he wants is to stop worrying about what he'll do with himself once their human lives come to an end, because he is not human anymore, because he will not age and he will watch them grow old and wither away and Yusuke doesn't want to them to die, because he is selfish and he doesn't want them to leave him.
He wants something that will last, he wants to know that there's still something for him in any world. He wants Kurama and Hiei. He knows better than to ask and instead watches them from afar, involved as they are, watches Hiei come and go, watches Kurama stay, watches till he can't take it anymore.
He tells Keiko and Kuwabara over two steaming bowls of noodles one night at his stand.
"I think...I think, I might confess,"
he admits, fiddling with the hem of his apron.
"About time," Keiko says with a smile that looks a little too self content.
"Ha?" Kuwabara asks, confused, through a mouthful of noodles.
"I'm thinking of telling Kurama how I feel," he explains.
"What he means is that he wants to set up some insurance, for when we pass," Keiko translates.
Yusuke tries not to feel guilty when Kuwabara's expression changes to one of seriousness, or about as serious as you can look with a stray noodle sticking to your face.
"That's....well if it makes you happy...I mean, I have Yukina and all that so-"
"Yeah, and I already have Keiko. What I'm saying is that if you guys think it's too much, or it's too soon, or that I already do a bad job of splitting my attention between the two of you and this would only make it worse, I wanna know before I commit to this."
"It's fine by me really," Kuwabara says,"I know there's stuff you can't get with me and maybe you can get that with Kurama, but you don't get to slack off, I still expect you to treat me right, that means no skipping out on dates and if you do I'll make you buy front row Megallica tickets for me and Yukina, you know, she's never been to a concert."
"Deal," he agrees, not hiding his relief, when he leans over the counter to press a kiss to his boyfriend's lips.
It should be weird, he thinks, to kiss a guy so blatantly in front of his fiancée, but it's not, it feels right like this is how things should be, like he's always been kissing his boyfriend around her and this isn't the first time.
"So?" He asks her expectantly, when he pulls away from Kuwabara's flaming cheeks.
"If it's what you need to be happy I don't think I can stop you."
"Actually, you can," he corrects her," because yes I want that, but I need you, both of you, more. I need you happy and if it makes you unhappy then absolutely stop me, because I won't lose you, not if I can help it."
She smiles likes he's just given her a prize.
"That's all I wanted to hear," she smiles and he knows she's just played him the way only she can. "Go get him, tiger."
"You sure ya don't mind?" He asks one last time.
"Absolutely," Keiko says and Kuwabara nods in agreement.
"Alright, guess I better figure out a plan to seduce him."
He pretends not to notice the way Keiko rolls her eyes and Kuwabara snorts in his noodles.
Three days later, Yusuke is making himself at home in Kurama's kitchen and taking advantage of Kurama's full fridge, while he waits for the redhead to come home from class. He keeps it simple, ginger pork with rice and steamed vegetables.
He's actually quite proud in his timing as finishes setting the table just as Kurama walks in. He doesn't look all that shocked to see him, though Kurama probably sensed his presence before he came in. Dinner, however, does seem to surprise the usually unflappable fox and Yusuke awards himself a point at the brief flash of surprise that crosses Kurama's features before it melts into a smile.
"Welcome home," Yusuke grins.
"Yusuke, this is a nice surprise, what brings you to my neck of the woods?" He asks as pleasant a ever.
"Eat first, we'll have plenty of time to talk," Yusuke motions for him to take a seat. "Oh and thanks for the key," he adds.
"You're alway welcome here and so is your cooking," he smiles again and Yusuke tries not to float out of his chair.
They exchange pleasantries, and he asks Kurama about his family and his classes (very well and a lot easier than he lets on to his classmates) and in turn Kurama asks him about how business is going, the wedding and his mother (slowly, I don't know and the same as always) and conversation flows easily, the way it always does when he's talking to Kurama. When they finish Kurama insists on helping him clear the table and then wants to wash the dishes, but Yusuke objects "I made the mess, I'll clean up" , but Kurama won't have it, so they compromise, he washes washes and Kurama helps him dry.
Yusuke's elbows deep in hot soapy water when he says what he's been meaning to say all evening.
"Kurama, we've got to talk."
"I had a feeling this wasn't just a social visit," he confesses.
"Yeah, like I said, we need to talk."
"I'm curious to know what kind of talk requires you to make me dinner beforehand," Kurama muses.
"The kind where I tell you that I'm in love with you," he answers.
"I admit," he replies, "that I deeply admire and respect you, that I care for you and that it would be easy for me to love you, but what of Keiko and Kuwabara?"
Yusuke has to focus to make the words come out of his mouth. "We had a talk and they're cool," he shrugs in what he hopes is a nonchalant manner.
"I'd have to discuss this with Hiei," Kurama tells him.
"Yeah, I'd like him to be a part of this too," and at that Kurama raises a brow.
"Now that is interesting, I wonder how he'll react."
"Well, I hope," Yusuke replies honestly.
"So where does that leave us?" Kurama asks. His sleeves are rolled up, he's holding a tea towel in one hand and the other is on his hip. He must have lost track of time because the sun is already starting to set and the kitchen is bathed in orange light that casts strange shadows across the room and Kurama's hair looks like fire, and he glows bright with life and light and he is achingly, breathtakingly beautiful.
"I don't know, I was hoping you'd help me figure that out," he pulls his hands out of the sink, Kurama steps forward and dries them one at a time, towels the water from his skin. The touch feels meaningful, intimate, Kurama's hold is gentle and his eyes never leave Yusuke's.
The sun is setting, the dishes aren't done and Yusuke is still very selfish, but it is obvious that this is the dawn of something new.