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secrets i have held in my heart (are harder to hide than i thought)

Summary:

Will had never let himself think of how wonderful it was- but there it was- the truth- dangling in front of him like a low branch of a tree. Will didn’t want to die holding a beautiful secret- if he was going to die, Will wanted to die determined and ready- fighting- true.

 

or:

the worlds about to end. will might kiss mike about it.

Notes:

hiyaaa
this has been sitting in my docs for ages and since i’m back on my byler shit i figured i’d finally share it with the world.
title from i wanna be yours by arctic monkeys ofc
take ur meds drink some water get some sleep and enjoy my loves xxx

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The end of the world felt sudden.

They had been preparing for so long and waited for this day for what seemed like forever, yet once the day was upon them, Will felt winded. They all knew that this was their final chance, that this was the last day, that all they had was now or never. The group of them- silent- solemn- stood cramped in the Wheeler basement, all looking to Hopper- waiting. He was speaking to them, and Will was listening, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of Mike.

“I’ll see you when this is over,” Hopper concluded his (admittedly stirring) speech somberly. “Whoever I don’t see… I’ll see you in the next one.”

There was some sort of collective agreement, and out of the corner of his eye, Will could see jaws determinedly set, tears trickling down cheeks, hands gripping hands tightly- but he was ignoring all of that, still captivated by Mike. Goodbyes were exchanged, including a firm hug and firm words from Jonathan to be safe, a teary kiss on the forehead from his mother and affectionate embraces and arm squeezes from the rest of the room- but Will’s eyes were locked upon Mike- his hair tied back away from his face, his eyes dark and determined, a shallow cut gracing his jaw, a bat held firmly in his fist. They began to trail out the door in small groups, according to their plan, and Will felt a small part of himself ring with guilt- what if someone died and he hadn’t said a proper goodbye because he wasn’t focused on them?

But… a smaller voice, one indulged on late nights and weak moments, spoke up, what if Mike died?

Will, for once, didn’t flinch at such a thought, despite it haunting his nightmares the past months- instead, he felt a startling clarity. If Will died, or Mike died, Will would never be able to tell him how he felt. He had drafted it a hundred times- Mike, you’re the only reason I still get out of bed every morning- Mike, you’re my everything- Mike, you shine brighter than the sun- Mike, if I die, my last thought will be of you- Mike, you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on- but every draft, every fleeting consideration of what he would say was always squashed by a nauseous, shameful guilt- a disgust with himself, and who he was. For once, Will didn’t feel guilty, or ashamed, or disgusted. Because loving Mike felt more natural than breathing. Loving Mike was like a breath of fresh air. Loving Mike was pure and it was true and it was- beautiful . He had never let himself think of how wonderful it was- but there it was- the truth- dangling in front of him like a low branch of a tree. Will didn’t want to die holding a beautiful secret- if he was going to die, Will wanted to die determined and ready- fighting- true. 

The room was steadily emptying, until the only ones left in there were Will, Mike, Nancy and Jonathan. Jonathan stood close to Nancy, obviously reluctant to leave her without sufficient farewell. Nancy and Mike held hands tightly in the doorway, looking around their basement as if it could be the last time they saw it- which it could, Will supposed. Will was on Jonathan’s other side, and he felt so far- too far- from Mike. Now or never. Suddenly invigorated, suddenly braver than he had ever been, Will surged forward from his place. Mike turned to him at the last second, eyes alight with worry.

“Will-” Mike started to say, brow furrowed in puzzled concern. Will didn’t let him continue, wrapping his arms around Mike’s neck and pulling him closer- finally closing the gap, half registering Nancy’s gasp and the choked noise escaping Jonathan. Eyes scrunched closed, Will pressed his lips to Mike’s firmly, tilting his head and tightening his hands and relishing in the hitched sigh Mike let out into his mouth. He pressed further and further- trying to convey everything he felt into the kiss- that he loved Mike with everything in him- that he didn’t want to die with his secret- that he wasn’t ashamed to love Mike anymore. Will pulled away, opening his eyes and locking them onto Mike’s- for once, unashamed. Mike had leaned forward just slightly as Will pulled away, almost chasing him, and he was now staring at Will with wild eyes and a chest heaving with breathless pants.

“I love you,” Will said softly. Mike’s eyes widened- softened- shifted. After a weighted moment, he released his hold on Mike’s neck and took a step back. Mike’s eyes were darting all over Will’s face desperately, some strange emotion pooled in his eyes. But Will didn’t let himself consider what it meant. Briefly noting the proud bittersweet smile his brother wore and Nancy’s wide, tear-filled eyes, Will stepped out the door of the basement. And he didn’t look back.

Nancy was at his side a few moments later. She took his hand and sent him a soft, proud smile. Will squeezed her hand tightly. Whatever happened, this ended today, and Will, finally free from the burden of his secret, was ready to face whatever his destiny held. With Nancy on one side and a still tearful Steve on the other, Will steeled himself, tightening his grip on his rifle. Now or never.

*

“Where are they?!” Mike said, voice terrified and thick with tears as he paced across the carpet. “They should be back.”

“They’ll be back, kid,” Hopper said soothingly from where he had his arms wrapped around a tense Joyce and a troubled looking El. Mike didn’t look convinced, and kept up his pacing, clearly holding back tears. Robin was sitting on the edge of her seat, knee bouncing, and Jonathan stood by the open door, twisting his hands together. Lucas was worried about Will too, and Nancy and Steve, of course, but in that moment, he couldn’t think about anything except the redhead girl in his arms. She lay back, impossibly relaxed, into his chest, and- suddenly overwhelmed with affection- Lucas pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. Max smiled and reached up a hand, which paused in the air.

“You’re gonna have to guide me to where your face is, stalker,” she teased, voice weary. He could tell the loss of her sight was a blow which devastated her, but also knew she was trying to hide for the moment in their relieved celebration of survival. Lucas grasped her wrist softly and moved her hand to his cheek. Max caressed it softly and he smiled, sure she could feel it in his cheeks. He was proved correct as she let out a breathy giggle, and she turned fully around in his lap, her other hand coming up to his face. 

“You’re smiling,” Max said breathily, almost sounding awed at her observational skills, skin crinkled with joy around her unseeing eyes.

“I am,” Lucas said warmly, his beam only widening with every passing moment.

“At what?” There was a teasing note to her voice.

“Just some girl,” he shrugged, pleased when she laughed.

“Oh yeah? What’s she like, this girl?”

“Totally tubular,” Lucas said, mimicking an exaggerated Californian surfer. Max laughed, open-mouthed, and leaned forward to press her lips to his in a quick kiss. Lucas smiled afterwards, and Max did too, feeling his with her hands still clutching his cheeks. Over her head, Lucas caught a glimpse of Mike- stock still- staring almost longingly at Max and Lucas. Caught, Mike’s cheeks reddened and he resumed his pacing, muttering to himself about something. Exchanging a thoughtful look with Dustin (who was apparently compartmentalising the fact that Steve was yet to return), Lucas glanced at El, who at that moment, looked completely indifferent to Mike’s blatant yearning for something like what Max and Lucas had- something with El, unquestionably. Lucas wondered if this was part of the reason why Mike was so stressed. With his worry for Will and Nancy as the catalyst, all Mike’s unresolved issues with his feelings for El had come surging back up.

“They’re back!” Jonathan cried hoarsely from the door, spine straightening, and Mike spun to him, looking almost pained in relief. The room stood up, Dustin and Robin immediately, most of the others a bit slower. Lucas helped Max to her feet. Still slightly sore, she winced, leaning on him heavily. Lucas snaked an arm around her waist, supporting a good portion of her weight.

“Are you okay to stand?” He asked softly. She nodded.

“For a bit.”

“Max!” 

Suddenly Will was there, practically tackling Max in a hug. And- how could Lucas not have noticed- the room was ablaze with noise as everyone babbled with excited relief over the top of one another, greeting the latecomers. Lucas could see Nancy locked in an affectionate embrace with Mike, and Robin scolding Steve for scaring her, who simply watched her, smiling. The others were watching fondly or chattering to one another. Lucas kept an arm around Max for support as Will pulled away.

“I’m so glad you’re okay!” Will said, clutching Max’s shoulders tightly. He leaned around to give her a sweet kiss on the cheek. Max looked startled and Lucas felt similar at such a rare show of affection from a boy who was usually reserved around everyone except family (and Mike, when they were younger). In fact, looking at Will, Lucas could sense that something had changed. He seemed bolder- prouder- more sure within himself. Still-

“Easy, Byers,” Lucas growled playfully, tightening his arm around Max and bringing her closer to him. “She’s taken.”

“She’s not my type, anyway,” Will shrugged. Max let out a startled laugh, and Lucas felt his eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, before he let out a laugh too (not entirely surprised). Will laughed with them, beginning to explain what had held them up from getting back. Lucas looked around again, seeing Nancy and Jonathan joined in a kiss, being jeered at good-naturedly by most of the room. He saw Hopper press a kiss to a laughing Joyce’s cheek, Dustin shoving a laughing Steve, El and Mike exchanging laughter- ooh, Lucas’ eyes snagged on that, hopeful Mike would get his wish. But Mike was acting… weird. He was not acting as someone with the love of their life should. He was searching the room with his eyes, barely listening to El as she spoke to him. Mike’s eyes finally filled up with emotion as they locked on something near Lucas. He excused himself from the conversation with El and began weaving between the others in the room, looking somewhere between determined and desperate. Following Mike’s gaze, Lucas looked at Will and Max still laughing together. Pulse racing, Lucas wondered whether he had misinterpreted Mike’s longing glance at him and Max- whether Mike was actually just glancing longingly at Max . Lucas watched Mike warily as he finally broke from the surprisingly dense crowd, chest heaving with emotion and eyes tender. Will noticed Lucas’ troubled gaze and broke off speaking, turning around to Mike. Will’s face slackened, before his mouth hitched up slightly on one side and he took a step forward- clearing Mike’s path to Max. Panic rising, Lucas tightened his arm around Max’s waist. Inhaling shakily, Mike launched forward at the same time as Will stepped further away from Max. Lucas almost pulled Max out of the way- but Mike’s arms wrapped around Will and he pulled him into a passionate kiss. The room fell deadly silent, every eye fixed on the pair. Will’s hands trailed up to tangle in Mike’s hair and Mike gripped Will’s waist, pulling him flush against himself. The two were lost in each other- seemingly ignorant of everyone else in the room- but when weren’t they- since they were kids, Dustin and Lucas had often complained about when Will and Mike entered Will and Mike world , and it all made so much sense that Will and Mike world included being in love with each other. Lucas mentally slapped himself for thinking Mike was in love with Max. 

“Why’s everyone gone quiet?” Max whispered.

“Will and Mike are making out,” Lucas murmured into her ear. Max whipped her head toward him.

“What?!”

Lucas felt almost intrusive as Mike tilted his jaw and Will made a small satisfied hum. Someone (probably El) giggled in the crowd, and the eyes of both boys shot open. 

“And now they’ve figured out the rest of us are in the room,” Lucas whispered to Max. She let out a quiet laugh as both boys pulled away from each other, gasping. They stared at each other for a few moments, before laughing- in that quiet, intimate, giddy way of two people discovering something new. Exchanging tender smiles and interlocking their hands, the two turned to the rest of the room, suddenly sheepish. Both had pink cheeks and weren’t meeting people’s eyes. 

“You had to go and fall for another one of my kids, didn’t you Wheeler?” Hopper deadpanned. There was a moment of silence before the room burst into laughter, including Will and Mike chuckling nervously. Guiding Max, Lucas moved to join the main crowd. Max wrapped Steve in a tight embrace, scrunching her eyes shut in relief. Satisfied that she would be supported, Lucas decided to join the chatting group which included Jonathan and Nancy, Joyce, Hopper and El, as well as Mike and Will still grinning sheepishly. Sliding in between Nancy and El, Lucas looked to Joyce who was currently speaking.

“- all the time,” Joyce was laughing. Jonathan was nodding along as Will flushed. “Every day- ‘Mom, can Mike come over?’, ‘today Mike said-’, ‘did you know that Mike-?’, ‘I’m making this drawing for Mike’-”

“Mom!” Will laughed, blushing slightly as Mike sent him a smug grin. 

“Mike was the exact same.” Nancy declared, chuckling. Mike’s head shot to her, cheeks pinkening. “‘I think Will is the best artist in the world’, ‘I think something’s up with Will’, ‘I wanna buy that for Will’, ‘Nancy should I call Will?’-”

“Shut up Nancy!” Mike hissed, though he was smiling. Nancy laughed, exchanging a knowing look with Jonathan.

“So how long has this been going on?” El asked conversationally. Both boys seemed to stiffen as they turned to her, suddenly apprehensive at her reaction. El smiled softly. “I mean, how long did it take Mike to figure it out after I broke up with him?”

The group laughed, including a slightly flustered Mike, and Will seemed to deflate in relief, his eyes filling with tears. Lucas felt pity course through him at the thought of Will having to suffer through the pain of the person he loved dating his sister, and the worry that even if Mike reciprocated, it could hurt El in the process. El seemed to notice Will’s relief too, and wrapped him in a hug, whispering something into his ear. Averting his eyes, Lucas looked to Mike, who was snickering with Jonathan and Nancy- Joyce and Hopper having joined a conversation with Murray and Dimitri. Lucas stepped closer to the hushed laughter of the trio.

“- literally thought your brain was gonna explode,” Nancy was saying, laughing with Jonathan.

I thought my brain was gonna explode!” Mike exclaimed laughingly. He noticed Lucas joining them and sent him a smile. “I mean, it was this sort of grave moment, we were looking at the basement and I was saying this little goodbye in my head and then Will marches up to me and I thought he might start crying- but he kissed me! And my brain literally stopped functioning and I had no idea what to do! And then of course you guys were the last back and so I was a little worried-”

“A little worried?” Lucas said wryly. Jonathan laughed, and El and Will squeezed into their circle. “You were pacing and almost crying, Mike.”

Mike sent Lucas a light glare as the others laughed.

“And-!” Lucas raised his voice over the laughter. “And, when Max kissed me, Mike was staring at us with this, like, hopeless longing-”

“Lucas!” Mike’s face was bright red as the others laughed. Will was staring at Mike with an odd look in his eyes.

“- and then because of that, when you were just staring down Will across the room before, I thought you were staring at Max, and I was mentally preparing to move her out of the way, I didn’t know what you were charging at her for, I thought you liked her!”

The group burst into further laughter, including Mike. Nancy and Jonathan were pulled into a conversation with Steve and Robin, and Max was thankfully at Lucas’ side again, along with Dustin. 

“You were worried, huh?” Will’s eyes had never left Mike, and his voice was low and teasing. Mike turned to him.

“Maybe,” he said in a similar voice, eyes dropping to Will’s lips. Will swallowed, and Mike grabbed his hand.

“Let’s go upstairs,” he said softly. Will nodded, cheeks pink. Grinning, Mike practically sprinted for the stairs, pulling an elated Will behind him. The rest of the room inevitably noticed, and several wolf-whistles and cheers rang out.

“Three inches, Wheeler,” Hopper called. El laughed.

“No promises!” Mike said laughingly as they ascended the stairs eagerly. Hopper grumbled slightly but let them be, obviously having the same sentiment as the rest of the room- that two people who had just almost died should be allowed to relish the fact that they were alive for a little while.

“Gross,” Dustin said bluntly. El’s head snapped to him, Max’s shoulders stiffened, and Lucas saw Joyce, Hopper, Jonathan and Nancy all turn to send him a menacing glare. Lucas winced at such a lethal and intimidating combination of enemies. Dustin shrunk back at the sheer animosity being sent at him and raised his hands in a surrendering gesture.

“Because they’re a couple!” He said hastily. “I call Lucas and Max gross all the time, it’s not because they’re boys!”

Lucas and Max both shrugged, agreeing. The Will and Mike protection squad turned back to their respective conversations.

“If you have a problem with them-” El’s voice was rising.

“I don’t! Definitely not! But I am surprised.”

“Really?” Max said dryly. Lucas’ eyes shot to her, taken aback. “Personally, I’ve seen it coming for years. I mean, that whole time when Will was possessed and Mike didn’t leave his side? Come on.”

“I am also not surprised,” El admitted. “Mike was not a good boyfriend for a girl.”

Lucas and Max let out startled laughs. Dustin waggled his eyebrows at El. 

“So,” he said in a flirty voice. “Everyone else is paired off, how ‘bout you and me, El?”

El scrunched her nose. “In your dreams, Dustin.” 

“You really wanna try that?” Max laughed. “If El doesn’t kill you, Hopper will.”

“Damn right.” 

Dustin jumped, startled at Hopper’s eavesdropped contribution. The rest of them laughed. Lucas tightened his arm around Max’s waist, finally content, and she leant into him, sighing happily. 

*

Mike let out a giddy laugh as they walked up the stairs, Will’s hand tight in his grip sending buzzing energy through his whole body. They reached the top and Mike opened the door, pulling Will through quickly. At the sight of Will’s shining eyes and slightly parted lips, Mike was tempted to just press him against the door and kiss him again, but he restrained himself (with difficulty)- his logical side insisting that it would be very embarrassing if someone came up the stairs. Will swung their hands between them, and Mike smiled at him, his cheeks hurting from the amount of smiling he had done in such a short span of time. Mike couldn’t believe that he got to have this- got to have Will. After so long pushing down his feelings it hardly felt real. Suddenly deciding that perhaps they needed to talk before anything else, Mike pulled Will into the living room.

“The painting,” Mike blurted as he pulled Will onto the sofa. Will looked at him, face open, waiting for him to continue. “Was it all… you?”

Will nodded, smiling. Mike nodded too, unsure what else to say. Will’s smile widened teasingly, before suddenly fading. He let go of Mike’s hand, and the absence felt cold.

“Some of the stuff you said to El,” Will said haltingly, not meeting his eyes. “Did your life really start the day-?”

“No.” Mike shook his head vehemently. “No, no way. I lied. About a lot. Because I was really scared of how I felt. And I know I’ve said some shitty stuff to you, and I’m really, really sorry. I was just afraid.”

Will moved closer, snaking his hand around Mike’s waist. Mike inhaled sharply, pulse racing.

“Are you afraid anymore?” Will murmured, his breath ghosting across Mike’s lips. Mike shook his head, speechless. He swallowed. 

“Good,” Will breathed, and he slammed his lips onto Mike’s. Immediately, the kiss was completely different from both others. The first one was chaste and fleeting, the second sweet and desperate- this third was fervent and wanting- and Mike loved it. He pushed his hands into Will’s hair, leaning and pressing him into the base of the lounge. Will let out a breathy hum into Mike’s mouth, which sent his pulse skyrocketing through his body. Not breaking contact, Mike climbed so that he was straddling Will. Will opened his mouth and Mike-

“Jesus!”

-Mike launched off Will, leaping to the other end of the sofa, face heating up. Will looked equally mortified (probably worse) as they turned to see Jonathan standing in the doorway to the living room with a startled hand over his chest. Jonathan’s face suddenly slackened.

“Didn’t even make it upstairs, huh?” He said dryly. Mike laughed, while Will blushed further, looking as if he wanted to sink into the floor. 

“Please take it upstairs, because everyone’s getting hungry and we’re coming up to get food.” Jonathan looked exasperated with them, but he was smiling at Will, seeming delighted for him. Mike grabbed Will’s hand and tugged him up to his bedroom. He shut the door behind them, wondering if Jonathan’s interruption might have killed the mood- when Will suddenly pushed Mike’s shoulders. Mike laughed as he fell onto his bed. He looked up at Will, who stood at the foot of his bed, grinning ecstatically. Mike felt winded, but he wasn’t sure if it was from the fall, or simply from Will’s beauty. Probably both. 

“You really have a staring problem,” Will teased as he joined Mike on the bed. Mike laughed, pulling Will into a firm kiss, and feeling lighter than he had since November sixth 1984.

Notes:

i’m not super happy with some aspects of the ending but i can’t pinpoint what so i figured i’d just post it anyway and see what happens. if anyone has any constructive criticism (or praise ofc ;)) please feel free to comment!!!

ps
i have a HUGE multi chapter byler fic in the works so if you’re interested come back soon!!!

thx for reading
keep on dreaming
ily
charlotte x