Chapter Text
Hades glowered at the cigarette that had been hastily placed in the ashtray on their desk, smoking away happily as if it wasn't the reason they were currently hacking up a lung. They weren't sure if their asthma had carried over from their fleshy lungs by chance or if Doctor Carmella had done that on purpose, but whatever the reason, it was really fucking annoying.
Their coughing fit was interrupted by the door to their office swinging open as their wife waltzed in like he owned the place. Which, technically he kind of did, but it was the principle of things.
"Hello my darling, how are you this fine evening?" Persephone's tone was saccharine as she strode towards their desk, grinning wide.
Hades tried their best to swallow a cough and wheezed, "I'm fucking fabulous, thanks for asking."
Persephone leaned over and plucked the cigarette from their ashtray and took a long, thoughtful drag. "These things'll kill you, y'know."
The witty reply Hades surely would have made was interrupted by their renewed coughing fit, so they had to settle for simply glaring at Persephone as he stubbed out the cigarette.
"I wasn't done with that!" They complained once their coughing had finally subsided.
Whatever Persephone would've replied with was cut off by a knock at the office door.
Normally Hades and Persephone would've told whoever was at the door to fuck off, but this particular knock was familiar, so Hades called out for them to come in.
As the Oracle of Delphi entered, Persephone commented, "Hi darling, you're much more polite than I was."
"Well some of us have respect for others' privacy, Tim."
Hades piped up from behind their desk, lighting another cigarette and placing the rest of the pack on their desk, "Yeah I think that's literally only you, love."
The Oracle shrugged, "Sometimes my only hope is to use manners in the hopes that they'll rub off on one of you eventually."
"Yeah, you've got about as much a chance of that happening as- Tim! Would you stop fucking doing that!" Hades cut off their own reply to yell at Persephone as she grabbed both the lit cigarette out of their hand, and the pack of cigarettes from their desk.
"Sorry for caring about your health, but one of us has to." Persephone's grin was infuriatingly mischievous as he put out the lit cigarette in the ash tray and held the rest of the cigarettes above his head, away from his lover.
"Tim. You smoke more than I do."
"Yeah, but I don't have asthma."
"I literally have metal lungs I'll be fine!"
The Oracle sighed, he knew his partners well enough to know that they would bicker for hours if he let them, so he interrupted "Tim, they do have a point."
"Thank you Brian."
"Oh now you're taking their side!"
"I'm not taking anybody's side I'm just trying to-"
"He's absolutely taking my side."
"I'm not! I just-"
"I am betrayed! Wounded! Distraught!"
"Dramatic."
The Oracle shook his head "You two are going to be the death of me."
"You love us though" Hades said, finally snatching their cigarettes back.
Persephone huffed, giving up and pouting.
"I do, which is why I came to spend a relaxing evening with you both, before I got wrapped into your bickering."
"I would be able to relax better if someone would stop stealing my cigarettes."
"Well, I would able to relax better if someone didn't cough up their lungs every time they smoked."
"It is not every time! I-"
The Oracle cleared his throat. "This is exactly what I'm talking about. Besides, it's getting late, and I, for one, would like to not have to deal with the general public when I'm sleep deprived."
Hades stood up. "That's an excellent idea, I have several Olympian meetings tomorrow and I need all the energy I can get to deal with those fuckers."
"Fine, but only if I can sleep in the middle tonight."
"Absolutely not."
"Oh come on Ashes, you always sleep in the middle give me one night."
"Over my dead body."
"That could be arranged."
Their bickering continued as the trio made their way to the bedroom they shared, but the Oracle took solace in knowing that at least they couldn't argue in their sleep.