Chapter Text
“When was the last time you went outside?”
The question made Scar stop drawing for the first time in hours. He was on a call with Cub but he couldn’t help himself to not do multiple things at the same time, finding it hard to stop once he started. And yet, that question completely snapped him out of it…
“That’s… a weird thing to ask,” The brunet laughed, looking at the phone with a crooked smile like his friend could see him.
“I just haven’t seen you in a while, like… a really long time, you hiding from me?”
“No, no, I’ve just been…” Scar swivelled around in his desk chair, basically twiddling his thumbs, “Busy. I’ve got a few commissions to do and I’ve still got some unpacking to do, you know?”
“Didn’t you move out months ago?”
That was true, and yet he was still living and rummaging through boxes every day. He really should unpack but…
“Yeah but maybe I like living in boxes!” He was still in denial about living on his own. Scar missed living with his roommate so much but he got a girlfriend and well… It was only a matter of time until he had to find his own place.
Cub let out a half-hearted chuckle, “Alright man, whatever you say. Can you at least promise me to talk to somebody this week? I know how you can get when left to your own devices for too long.”
“Aw man, are you worried about me?” Scar tried to joke but when no response returned, he let his smile slip, “Okay, I-... I’ll think about it.”
“You better.”
The loose threat ended the call, leaving the man alone with his thoughts. Leaning back into his chair, his emerald eyes danced around the room, trying to find something to reassure him that things weren’t as bad as his one and only friend was making it seem but all he found was old fast food deliveries and the nest of blankets he had set up in the living room because he hated his double bed.
Maybe he should get out of the house…
Mainly because even he couldn’t remember the last time he went out. He had been making the delivery men leave their stuff outside his door because the embarrassment of somebody seeing the state he was in would be unbearable. And seeing as he had a chubby indoor cat that wanted nothing more than to sleep in a sun patch, there was no point in going on walks.
All he had to do was talk to one person and then he was free from Cub’s nagging for a week. He could do this! Totally…
Looking down from his apartment window, Scar could see the busy streets of the city. The sidewalks are filled with people pushing each other to get to work, cars constantly honking, traffic, taxis, vans, the roads so busy it would be a nightmare to go anywhere… A part of him felt a painful pang of loneliness, being unable to be in that crowd, a community. He couldn’t ignore that awful feeling of inadequacy because anybody else wouldn’t have to hype themselves up to go outside…
Perhaps he should head out a bit later, just so it’s less busy. Not because he was stalling, no, not at all…
-
Grian wasn’t that much of a loner!
Sure, his classmates probably didn’t know his name because he never talked to any of them and he had begun to forget what his voice sounded like but that was fine. Being alone was his thing, his brand if you will. It was right in the middle of his comfort zone, a normal state he was always in, right next to coffee and sweaters he could hide in.
And being at a club was definitely way out of his comfort zone.
He wasn’t sure why he showed up, something about late-night judgements and the belief that he was wasting his university years alone in his room. He had been doom-scrolling through his classmate’s social media, hating himself a little bit more every time he saw their pictures. It was like they were made by his brain to taunt his existence. In his cramped, lonely dorm room, he looked at images of people hanging with friends, laughing, smiling, doing something with their lives.
Right now, he would love nothing more than that claustrophobic dorm with peeling wallpaper and an AC that didn’t work.
The student felt so out of place, somebody that everybody’s eyes glossed over like he was a part of the scenery, standing in the corner with his drink he was half tempted to down if it didn’t cost so much. Everybody else was dancing and talking to people like it was the easiest thing to do, and maybe it was for everybody that wasn’t him.
Grian felt so uncomfortable.
In jeans that felt too tight, listening to music that felt more like loud noise than anything else, and air that was moist and foul. But it was those things that were keeping him grounded, those horrible sensations that kept him from drifting off but he couldn’t help but wonder… Would it be socially awkward to leave right now? It wasn’t like he was getting anything out of this as he was too terrified to even attempt to talk to anybody. Would anybody even know he was there in the first place? Could he disappear from this planet without anybody being any wiser?
All of a sudden, he noticed something to his right. A man was standing on the sidelines, taller than most of the people who danced in front of him. He looked miserable, holding himself inwards like a shield. Well, it was nice to know that Grian wasn’t the only person who wasn’t a club person…
His staring was noticed by the stranger, who turned and smiled under the shorter man’s gaze, awkwardly raising his hand as a half attempt at a wave. The student flushed, embarrassed by being caught, looking down at his shoes. He could feel the giant get closer until he saw scuffed dress shoes next to his.
The man opened and closed his mouth a few times before sipping his drink, seemingly trying to find something to say. Grian just looked up at the stranger with a starstruck expression. He seemed to be the size of a building compared to the student, he barely came up his shoulder and yet the man hunched in on himself, holding a cane tightly like he wasn’t sure what to do with his hands. It made him seem so… real.
“I like your sweater!” A voice bellowed over the music. His smile was crooked, forced, and awkward and yet somehow was just as charming. The smaller man nearly forgot to reply as his heart jumped into his throat.
“What?”
“I-I said I liked your sweater! It’s cute!”
The man used his hand that wasn’t holding his cane to point at the embroidered cats that were on the front of his jumper, accidentally prodding him. Oh, he completely forgot he was wearing this. It was a Christmas gift from his mother that had their two cats stitched onto it…
With probably a blush creeping onto his face, he meekly spoke, “Thanks. It uh- It was a gift-”
“What?!” The giant loudly asked, the music making it hard to even think.
He could feel the vibrations through the sticky floor, he could feel it rattle his bones, pump through his veins. It was difficult to concentrate on anything when all he could focus on was the way everything shook when the bass dropped. And it seemed like the giant felt the same as he clasped his hand over his ear, wincing through gritted teeth. Sheepishly, he seemed to be gesturing towards the exit, and well, Grian was quick to take that chance.
After struggling to move around the large groups of people, the stranger grabbed his hand and started to pull him across. The touch was burning hot and made an awful sickly feeling bubble in his stomach. As soon as the student could he pulled his hand away to open the door, relishing in the strong cold wind that hit his rosy face. As Grian made his way past the people still trying to get in, the man followed.
Great… He didn’t want to be rude so now he had to try and find an easy way to get away. His mind is already filled with thoughts of rolling into his warm bed and never leaving.
The student decided to sit down on the edge of the pavement, knees to his chest in a defensive position. The brunet sat down next to him, a comfortable distance away. Grian kept his eyes to himself, mainly focusing on his ratty sneakers but couldn’t deny that without the flashing lights, the stranger looked quite handsome.
He had green eyes that were as bright as emeralds. He wore this obnoxiously green waistcoat with a red button-up like he was attending a formal party and not a sticky club.
“Now what were you saying?” The stranger’s voice had this high excitement to everything he said, like a TV host, though maybe that was trying to mask the slight tremble in his words.
“Oh uh- I was just saying it was a gift,” Grian let out an awkward chuckle, only making necessary eye contact.
“Wait, I know that accent, are you… English?” The way he asked made it seem like they were an endangered species which made the dirty blonde feel strange.
“Um yeah…”
“That’s c-cool! I’ve always wanted to go…” The way he talked with his hands was kind of hypnotising, “Oh, sorry! Where are my manners, I’m Scar.”
Without even a second to think about what came out of his socially awkward mouth, Grian blurted out, “Scar? Like the Disney character?”
And before he could correct himself, ramble out an excuse like being drunk, even though he only had one drink before being whisked away, Scar’s eyes lit up like the nighttime sky, “Yes! Finally, somebody that gets it!”
“Everybody always thinks I named myself that because of my scar but that happened afterwards! Completely coincidental! It’s way cooler to name yourself after one of the coolest villains, how can you listen to that song and not want to name… yourself after him…” The man rambled on and on until finally turning to face his audience, “Sorry, got a bit carried away.”
As he rubbed the back of his neck with rosy cheeks, Grian could finally get a good look at him. He had only really been looking at his left side but there on his right was a large scar that took up a quarter of his face. Maybe that was why his smile was slanted or why he held a cane… But that wasn’t something he should be questioning. It was rude enough to stare as much as he was.
“Oh, it’s uh- it’s alright,” The student looked down towards the floor, feeling even more embarrassed about blurting what he said out, “I- I would ask how you got it but I think you probably get asked that enough times.”
Scar hummed out a tune in agreement, “Yeah, besides, there are way better icebreakers. Speaking of which, can I get a picture?”
“A… picture?”
“Yeah! I told my friend I’d talk to somebody and I don’t think he’ll believe me without proof.”
“Uh, I suppose?” What had he gotten himself into?
Before he knew it, Scar had taken out his phone and wrapped an arm around the smaller man. The touch was electrifying, it was hot and burning, and it was suffocating in a way that took all the breath from his lungs. Scar was warm and felt alive in a nauseating way, making it hard to focus on anything else. And just like that, it was over, the touch left and what remained was small buzzes through his body and an aching want for more.
“That should be good enough,” The taller man uttered with a smile like nothing had even happened. But to Grian, it was like everything had happened all at once, how long had it been since he was touched? God that was a sad question…
“So, are you here with anyone tonight?” Scar asked as he sent the picture to his friend. Questioned phrased so awkwardly like small talk was foreign to him.
“Ah, no, I’m on my own,” Grian stumbled over his words, ashamed to admit that. But it wasn’t like he would ever meet this guy again and well… As sad as it was, this was the first time he had talked to anybody for maybe weeks so even if this guy was strange, he did make for one hell of a conversationalist, “How about you?”
“I’m on my own too. I’m not the clubbing type, just here to talk to interesting people. Like you.” With his last two words, Scar winked with his good eye, bumping his shoulder against his.
This guy was touchy… Or maybe he was just the normal amount of touchy. It didn’t matter, Grian hated it. Budging up a little farther away to try and gain some of that distance back, he asked, “So, you take pictures with everyone you meet?”
“Only the ones I find cute.”
He could practically feel his burst into a mad red blush, completely short-circuiting his brain as he struggled to find the right words to say. Was this guy drunk or idiotically confident? Probably the former.
No matter the answer, something inside Grian shifted. All of a sudden, the words the man spoke stopped being irritating and became charming. Something about him just seemed… different. Though if that was because he was genuinely interesting or because he was the only person to give him any sort of attention in a very long time, he wasn’t sure. And he didn’t want to know.
With the taste of the singular drink on his tongue, he muttered, “You’re not too bad yourself, Scar.”
After trailing the man’s name out, Grian overanalyzed the stranger’s expression, the fact he’d never see this man again didn’t stop his worries about overstepping. The constant smirk on the man’s face fell but not into a snarl or even anything bad, just surprise. It was adorable how much he blushed.
“Oh! Uh… thank you? Sorry, I’ve never been good at dealing with compliments,” The brunet admitted, rubbing the nape of his neck bashfully.
“Really? I thought a handsome guy like you might get sick of compliments at this point,” Grian pushed his luck more, enjoying the way the gentle giant seemed to malfunction.
His face was full with a wide grin, teeth mismatched in a way that made him feel human. His deep green eyes seemed to shine like they were full of crystals, sparkling brighter than any streetlamps. And of course, the biggest ruby blush that had spread all over from his ears to his neck. All previous confident masks completely vanished with gleeful embarrassment.
Grian hated the way his stomach tied itself into knots. He hated how happy the stranger was and how his heart skipped a beat. He needed to get out of here before his feelings got too out of hand.
“Alright, I um- I’ve got to go, got work in the morning, ya know?” The dirty blonde came up with the first excuse he could think of, which he hoped was believable as his batteries drained.
“Oh! Oh, okay,” Grian tried to ignore the way the stranger’s shoulders slumped, “Well, have a good night, okay? It was good talking to you!”
“You too,” The student stood up with a creek in his knees before quickly turning away and walking down the street, basically beelining for his dorm, back to his safe space where no strange men try and take pictures with you and get too close for comfort.
He was Never doing that again.
-
Making his way into his apartment he was greeted by Jellie meowing loudly, running between his legs, getting them both tangled up, “Alright, alright, I’ll feed you, just let me get in first.”
He got out a meat stick from the cabinet and started to slowly feed it to her, which he had to do, given she scarfed down anything put in front of her. Tonight didn’t exactly go to plan… Sure, he had met an interesting guy but the thought of doing that again made him feel sick. Going back to the club, hiding in the corner and talking to the first person who didn’t look completely smashed or in the moshpit of a dance floor, sounded like literal hell.
Scar let out a long exhale, pressing his back against the cabinets and falling until he met the kitchen floor. Jellie was quick to join him, though possibly only to get more food.
“Oh, Jellie, we’re really in it now…” The artist mumbled as his feline meowed in response. At least she listened to him.
It was like his mind was still on that sidewalk, talking to a cute stranger like he was more confident than he was. Though he didn’t manage to get his name, and maybe he weirded the handsome man out, why did he have to ask for a picture? That definitely scared him away.
Which was fine, that wasn’t his plan, he just had to talk to somebody, he didn’t have to make friends, at least those weren’t in the rules Cub gave him. He never was good at making friends anyway.
But it was nice to imagine that he was. Even he, the dorky artist, could be friends with the cat sweater guy with his adorable freckles that were spotted across his face like fireflies in the night. Instead, he’s inside with his pet… Did he speak too much? Was he overbearing? The problem with replaying an event, again and again, meant that he was painfully aware of every single mistake he made.
“What am I going to do, Jellie?” The artist asked. Unfortunately, all she could do was let out a small meow, which wasn’t the best advice. “Hm? What was that? Surround myself with work and forget about people forever? Sounds good to me! Great plan as always, Jellie.”
Grabbing a few snacks to last him throughout the night, Scar got himself comfortable back into his chair. Ah, his safe space, he never should have left it. What was better than this? A blanket on his lap with even a bonus heated furball to keep him company as he ate junk food and drew whatever strange creature people on the internet wanted him to draw for money.
Yep… this was so much better than talking to somebody. He wasn’t just telling himself that to try and make his situation feel less bleak. Totally…
-
“Scar, open this door!”
“No! You can’t make me leave, that’s called breaking and entering Cub!”
Scar was currently wrapped up in the blanket he had been living in for the past week, and yes it did not smell great but it was comfortable, it was safe! All of a sudden, the sound of keys jangling into the slot alerted him, making him wake his cat as he stood up, ready to dash.
“Forgot you gave me a spare key, didn’t you?” Cub’s monotone voice spoke as he opened the door, key in hand and a sly grin on his face.
“N-No!”
“Come here!”
“Get your hands off me!”
“You’re going outside and getting fresh air so you can grow up big and strong!”
“No! Let me stay small and weak!”
After half an hour of chaos, Scar was unfortunately defeated and was forced to get changed out of his pyjamas and go outside after a breach of contract as Cub said. So what if he hadn’t talked to anybody but his cat for the last week? It wasn’t doing him any harm!
“See you soon, Jellie, try not to miss me too much, I know I’ll miss you- Gah, I just can’t stand the thought of leaving her cold and alone in the apartment, are you sure I can’t stay-”
“No.” Cub’s arms were crossed tightly across his chest, scowling down at the man who was hugging his feline friend close to himself. Jellie seemed unbothered by this predicament.
With a dramatic sigh, the brunet stood up from the floor and slowly but surely made his way to the open door. “Ugh, you’re such a mother.”
“If that’s what I have to do to get my friend to see the sun once in a while then so be it,” Cub followed shortly, staying a bit behind to make sure his ex-roommate didn’t make a break for it.
They made their way down the stairs since the elevator had been broken for a few months now, though it made it difficult to climb down with his cane. As soon as they stepped out of the stuffy apartment complex Scar was met with sounds. Many, many sounds. The blaring of horns, the whirring of cars zooming faster than he could see, the hustle and bustle of people going on their way to work, and the unmistakable sound of people talking, so many different voices that it was impossible to pick up on anything.
The artist took a step back into the building, looking out to the unknown like it was horrors indescribable.
Cub noticed quickly, “Hey man, it’s alright, nothing is going to hurt you.”
Scar knew that, he did, really! It did nothing to soothe his beating heart, nor his body that was completely frozen in place, “Sorry, sorry, I just- It’s been a while since I’ve gone outside at this time… Is it usually this busy? Actually don’t tell me, I-I think we should go back to my place, we could order something, maybe play some board games-”
“Come on dude,” His best friend placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, slightly pushing into the direction of the danger, “Stepping outside is the hard part. You’ve just gotta make that step and you’ll get used to it in no time.”
“I don’t know about this-”
The raven-haired man put both his hands on the man’s shoulders, forcing him to look directly at him, “Let’s make a deal, alright? We’ll walk to that cafe you like so much, I’ll buy you lunch and if at that point you want to leave, we can. Okay?”
Looking into his electric blue eyes, he felt a twinge of confidence. If Cub believed in him then maybe he could try… With a few deep breaths in and out, Scar took a step outside. He felt the cold breeze of wind across his face, he felt it flow through his hair, something he didn’t even know he missed.
In the sparse amount of trees that were spotted around the streets, birds chirping their morning song, something the night owl hadn’t heard in so long he had forgotten what it sounded like. Another deep breath. In and out…
Cub took his spare hand and led him to the local cafe. There was the familiar smell of smoke and trash that lingered in the air but as they passed various shops he noticed sweet aromas from a bakery and floral scents from a candle shop. The best strategy to keep his head on straight was to just try and focus on keeping his feet going one after the other, ignoring all the noise, all the cars and people that hastily rushed past them.
The cafe they frequented often was a tiny business with only a few tables and an adorable cosy feeling that radiated off it. All the signs for the little selection of baked treats they made in-house were also handmade with a chalkboard and coloured chalk. Little doodles surrounded the cute names they gave their desserts that changed every time you went in, which were the most delicious things you would ever try, making you crave another before you’ve done eating your first. All this meant was that the cafe was usually full of regulars and the occasional student surrounded by coffee cups.
As soon as they walked in, a bell connected to the door chimed, alerting Ren the dog, one of the employees there with a nickname he never understood, “Scar! Haven’t seen you around here in a while! How’s it going, man?”
“Ah, you know, it’s going,” Scar nervously chuckled.
“Just the usuals for us,” Cub spoke for him, wrapping an arm around his friend’s shoulder, “Talk later alright?”
Ren nodded before starting to make their orders. The artist sent a thankful smile in his direction before being led to their usual spots. A small round table near the window, the windowsill was filled with greenery and ivy draped down the side. As soon as they sit down, Cub instantly begins the attack, “So, what happened?”
“Hm? Why would something be going on? Can’t a man just spend time with his cat every once in a while?”
“We both know it’s a bit more than that,” While Scar hated him for it, he was right. As his only friend, he had the unfortunate quirk of knowing him better than he knew himself, “You always go into these spiralling episodes whenever one thing happens. It’s the Scar trademark, snowballing his problems into a reason to stay inside for weeks.”
“...It’s nothing really-”
“Oh god, it’s about a boy, isn’t it?” The brunet could already feel his cheeks start to flush, “... every time. You poor, poor hopeless romantic.”
“It’s different this time!” Scar tried to defend, speaking volumes with his hands that nervously flailed about.
“Mhm, is that so?” Cub sprouted a sly smile, as he spoke as a matter of fact, “You met him once and now are completely infatuated with this man that he’s all you think about. Despite the fact you’ll probably never see him again.”
The artist sat quietly in his seat, looking down at the grains of the wooden table like it would hold secrets.
His ex-roommate let out another laugh, “It’s okay man, we’ll have a drink and you can forget all about it, okay?”
“I suppose…”
Just as Cub said that Ren came over with their orders. One tall black coffee with no sugar or milk, paired with a blueberry muffin and a small hot chocolate with an even smaller baked treat, today being a tiny cat macaroon.
Scar practically squealed, “Aww! This is amazing! But uh- this isn’t my usual…”
“I know, it’s on the house as a welcome-back gift.”
Before the brunet could even thank the worker he quickly got swept away by somebody wanting another refill of their coffee. Looking down at the sweet treat in front of him, he quickly took a bite out of it. It tasted like strawberries and the feeling of summer. The texture was perfect as always, filling up his insides with happiness indescribable. A warm smile found its place right on his face, content to stay for quite some time as he thought about how the little things made the adventure outside bearable.
“Scar?” His raven-haired friend started after looking thoughtfully at something in the distance, “Isn’t that the person from the picture you sent me?”
Scar instantly snapped his head to look behind him to recognize the same fluffy dirty blonde hair that had stolen his heart and ran. Before the man could notice, the artist looked back at the table, hiding his face in between his hands, “Oh god, do you think he saw me? I look awful-”
“Oh! So is this the mysterious man? Maybe I should call him over-” A swift kick in the leg shut him up quickly, “Alright, jeez, I was just joking… How long were you guys even talking for?”
Scar, while sneaking glances over to the stranger, who thankfully had bulky headphones on and was too concentrated on his work to notice, began telling the fateful story of their meeting.
Cub was smirking ear to ear, “And you were too busy talking about an animated lion to get his name-”
“Okay! I am very aware that I goofed this one!” Scar hid his face in his hands, “You’re supposed to be comforting me like a good friend.”
“No, a friend would comfort you, a best friend would make fun of you for being such a gay disaster,” He spoke casually as he sipped his coffee.
“Ughh… What do I even do in this situation?”
“I mean, you could go talk to him-”
“Nope! Not happening.”
“Alright fine, but you’ve got to talk to somebody that’s not me. Maybe you should try and get out again, you might meet another cute boy and actually get their name this time.”
“I don’t know, I’m pretty busy with my commissions….”
Cub stared at him with a stern expression, arms crossed across his chest as he saw right through his friend’s lies. He broke the eye contact to sigh, bringing his bag into his lap to grab a piece of paper he had stuffed in the front pocket. Unfolding it, Scar was able to see that it was a poster for a club called the Hermits.
“I’m worried about you. You’re a recluse artist, and you’re probably gonna start dying from a vitamin D deficiency, or worse, become a vampire. What am I going to do then? I can’t have a vampire as a best friend,” He spoke in a monotone voice but with a soft smile on his face.
He pointed to the poster on the table, “I want you to give this club a try. It’s for people that struggle to get out of the house, it might help.”
The artist stared down at the flyer in front of him. It had fun drawings of people around it and even better it wasn’t far away from where he lived so no need for transport… Looking back up at his friend, he could see a hopeful expression behind that facade, so hesitantly he said, “I’ll… I’ll go once, okay?”
“...good enough for me,” Finally, his tense posture eased, “Quick, Scar, say something to him, he’s leaving-”
“What-”
Scar turned his head around to spot the dirty blonde by their table near the door. His movement was so quick that he alerted the poor man, making him take his headphones off and look at them with confusion. They shared distressed eye contact where time itself seemed to stop before the brunet was able to mumble out, “S-sorry! Thought you were uh… somebody else?”
“Oh, um… okay,” The stranger replied before walking out the door, hastily putting his headphones back on.
A stifled laughter could be heard from across the table as Scar glared at his so-called friend, “You are the worst, I can not believe you, you are a horrible person-”
But Cub just kept on laughing as the other’s face lit up brightly with a fiery blush.
-
Grian rode the same bus every single day at the same time.
It stopped right outside of the campus at 3:15 pm, close to when his classes ended or when he stopped studying in the library, or at least trying to study. It was a ten-minute ride before arriving at his retail job, letting his brain melt for the next few hours as he scanned items with drooping eyes. Then it was time for his 7:20 pm bus so he could go back to his dorm, alone, and go to sleep to do it all over again.
Grian wondered some days if he was in that movie, Groundhog Day because everything seemed to blend into each other like a wet painting.
Wake up, go to class, struggle the entire time but don’t draw any attention by asking for help, eat lunch in a secluded hallway away from everyone and pretend not to hear people laughing with their friends. Catch the bus, and work until his body is numb as he gets chewed out by customers and his manager, catch the bus back, sleep, and repeat.
It was okay though.
Routines were safe, at least it was in his messed-up brain. Routines were consistent, predictable, and best of all, mind-numbing. Though, with his busy schedule that prized studying and getting money more than anything else, it was difficult to find the time to talk to people. Not that he wanted to, all the other architect students either didn’t like him or didn’t know he existed. Grian wasn’t sure if he existed either.
Besides, being alone was safe.
There was nobody to walk eggshells around, worried that one wrong thing or glimpse too much into his true self would make them flee. He imagined that was what having friends was like. The thought of having somebody around to perceive him, acknowledge his existence, and try and impress to earn and preserve that friendship, gave him the ick.
And for what? Some company?
Grian was good enough company. Grian was the only person that has been there since the beginning, making sure he was fed and watered. He’s always been there for himself as a shoulder to cry on, even if he was mean to himself. And yeah, maybe he’s not the best friend to have as he’s constantly spending his money on quick fixes and late-night fast food. But he was all he had.
Then one day, he found a poster taped to the bus stop.
It looked to be for a social group of sorts, called the Hermits, a rather fitting name for what Grian had become. Before he could get a good look at the poster, his usual bus arrived, so quickly he took it from the loose tape it was stuck to and put it in his bag. He didn’t end up remembering it until it fell out of his backpack later on in the week. It had multiple images of people in various styles and did seem to be handmade with slight imperfections from the scanning process.
‘Do you battle with feelings of isolation because of your work/school schedule? Do you stay inside because of fears or worries? Do you feel alone in these problems?
Well, you’re not! Join the Hermits if you wish to get out of the house and talk to people who also struggle with isolation in this hectic modern life. We offer group support sessions, 1-on-1 support, trips around the city to get comfortable with your surroundings, and other activities to help you in your journey!
Anybody is welcome! 18+ and LGBT friendly! We have sessions every week on Friday at 8 p.m. We hope you join us!
- The Hermit Team’
At the bottom of the poster, there was an address and a phone number for somebody called Xisuma.
The entire concept of going out of his way to talk to people he didn’t know just to hopefully ease the occasional lonely feeling felt dumb. It was dumb! Besides, it wouldn’t be much different to any other social situation, he’ll probably just sit in the corner and struggle to say anything without embarrassing himself.
Despite the cons, Grian pinned the poster to his notice board. Let it stare at him every time he sat at his desk until eventually, he whittled away at the thought that maybe it couldn’t be too bad…
It was just a few minutes walk away from his job and it would work around his schedule enough to be convenient... Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad to just go for one session, just to prove his fears about it to be true.
So with a shaky breath, he dialled the number on the poster.
-
Scar shuffled his feet nervously as his eyes scanned around the room.
Everybody sat around in a big circle on uncomfortable chairs. This wasn’t a big budget group but it had the numbers to be one, there had to be around 15 people here, maybe more. And they all seemed to already know each other. He was the odd one out.
As much as Scar wanted to be here for Cub, a baker’s dozen people surrounded him, which made it impossible not to overanalyze everything he was doing. Should he be saying something? Some people were on their phones, maybe he could do that? And do what? Scroll through the same handful of apps until something happens, he supposed. Was that too anti-social? The entire point of this club was to get out, what was the point if he couldn’t talk to somebody? Come on, Scar, talk to somebody! Do something-
Xisuma, the club leader cleared his throat, making the room go silent, “Hello everyone, now, before anything, I want to say that we have two new members tonight, or well… should be two-”
SLAM!
Suddenly, the doors to the club room burst wide open. Everyone turned to look at a short boy standing in the doorway with dripping wet dirty blonde hair that covered most of his face. Wait, was that-
“I- Sorry I’m late!” A familiar voice rang out. He looked even better in proper lighting. Instead of his cat sweater, he seemed to be wearing a supermarket uniform with a jacket thrown over the top, though it didn’t seem to do much for the rain. As soon as he brushed his hair out of his face, their eyes met, gorgeous dark eyes stared into him. It was enough for his heart to start racing.
“Ah, you must be the other new member. It’s okay, we haven’t started yet. Have a seat.”
The cute man stumbled about before taking the last seat available, which turned out to be right next to Scar. The proximity made his brain completely malfunction, especially when he could see the adorable pins on his jacket. These included a waffle, chicken and other gaming icons he recognised.
“Why don’t you introduce yourself to the group and we’ll just quickly go over our names and one thing about ourselves,” The leader spoke, making the man visually start to fidget.
“Um okay,” His eyes darted around the room, “Well, hey, I’m Grian. I’m an architecture student at the city’s university, what else… Oh, I am an exchange student as well, British, and um- I don’t think there is anything else to me.”
“That’s alright, we’ll start introducing ourselves going from the left.”
Scar snapped out of his daze of looking into the small boy’s eyes after someone cleared their throat, “Oh! Is it me? Sorry uh- Hi, I’m Scar, after the Disney character, not the scar. Ahem- Anyway, I’m an artist! I have a cat called Jellie and- oh! I love Star Wars and Top Gun!”
One by one, people started to introduce themselves.
“Hey! I’m Bdubs, I’m a general contractor but I also like to garden!” The shortest man in the room spoke.
A tall man with a mask went next, “Hi, I’m Etho and I’m just here because Bdubs wanted me to.”
An older-looking man was next, his deep voice had an accent that Scar couldn’t place, “Uh, you can call me Doc, I am a scientific researcher.”
A lanky man, with a great moustache, meekly spoke, “Mumbo and uh- I’m an engineer but my dream is film and photography! I’m a night student for it.”
A girl with long brown hair uttered, “Hi, I’m Pearl and I’m Australian!”
There were a lot more people than he thought there would be. Scar could barely keep track after that as more people introduced themselves, he hoped he could remember all their names…
After all the introductions, the session started.
“Great, now that you’re both acquainted with everyone, we’ll start,” Xisuma spoke, fiddling with the papers in his hands, “Now, in every session, we start with an icebreaker and then the question for the week, something a bit more related to the topics of the group. Usually, I ask the question and then people can speak up if they want, there is no pressure.”
Scar nodded along absent-mindedly.
“So, for this week’s icebreaker, you’ve become indescribably wealthy and don’t have to work, what would you do with your time?”
In an instant people started talking about travel, homes and cars they would like with their family, and quitting the jobs they hate but all of Scar’s attention was on Grian, the name of the adorable boy he had been thinking so much about. He looked even prettier the second time…
The way he tucked a piece of fluffy hair behind his ear, the way his eyes were as dark as the void, made them hypnotising to stare into. From the way he pursed his pale lips to the way his nails had cracked black nail polish, which he was working on taking all off without even realising, it all made Scar even more helpless.
“All great answers, though Doc I will need to talk to you after the session…” The leader spoke as the oldest leaned back in his chair with a smug smirk, “Alright, and the question of today is what are you afraid of? Could be something minor or something that affects everything you do.”
Everyone in the group seemed to feel more real as time went on. Mumbo talked about how he struggles going out as his busy schedule makes it so places aren’t open when he’s free. Etho talked about how he disliked being perceived by people and struggled with his face.
Halfway through the session though as people talked, Grian stood up and left.
Without even a word or any indication, he just stood and left. Nobody said anything, just continuing their conversation like nothing had happened. The brunet must have gotten lost in thought again because the person to his left, Bdubs he thinks, nudged him, “It’s alright, this club isn’t for everyone.”
“Oh, oh okay…” He barely mumbled out, eyes returning to the door. He was so close to talking to the elusive mystery man.
Before he knew it, the session had ended after talking for half an hour about how to deal with panic attacks. Everyone began grabbing their things and getting up to leave, though Scar couldn’t ignore how people began talking to each other, people who had the same problems as him talking to people like it was something that could be learnt. All of a sudden, he felt a tapping on his shoulder. Bdubs, the shortest of the bunch, was talking to him, though it took him a while to realise.
“-ow was your first session?”
The brunet stumbled on his words, struggling to get his brain to cooperate, “I- It was great! Weird but great.”
“Yeah, the first session usually is,” The man stood up and took his hand out to shake, “I hope to see you for the next one, maybe we can talk more.”
With a hesitant hand, Scar shook his hand, “Yeah, yeah, I-... I’d like that.”
The artist watched as his chair neighbour left and went arm in arm with Etho outside, both smiling ear to ear, maybe, it was hard to tell with the masked man. With a sigh, Scar stood up with help from his cane and left the room, being one of the last ones to. Standing on the outside steps, he decided to stay under the little cover available. Just then, he smelt the putrid musk of smoke. Looking behind the door he found Grian, smoking a cigarette with a long stare.
“Oh hey, I thought you left.”
“It’s still raining, I don't want to get any more wet,” The short man mumbled, basically whispering the last part, “It’s not like I have anywhere to go…”
The brunet stood there, shuffling his feet before the legs started to ache and took it upon himself to sit next to the other, a comfortable distance away. If the architect had any complaints he wasn’t voicing them.
“So then why did you leave?”
“I just-” A frustrated sigh came out of his mouth, like his thoughts weren’t working with him “I don’t know… I guess I felt stupid for even going.”
“Why?”
A long pause filled the air as the rain continued to pour down furiously. It pounded against the pavement, it rustled the trees, and despite the chaos it caused, it was such a relaxing sound. When he got back home Scar would be making himself a warm drink and listening to it hit his window, wrapped up in something warm-
“Alright, I might as well say it…” Grian muttered under his breath, “I left because I felt like my problems were in no way as bad as everybody else’s, I felt like some imposter or fraud. I didn’t… belong there.”
“Hey, come on, all problems are problems, no matter the size.”
The shorter boy turned away, taking another pull from his cigarette, making an effort to blow the smoke away from the other. It was a small detail but it did make the artist a little bit more smitten.
“You must have come here for a reason,” Scar started again, more stern this time, “If you didn’t have some problem with being alone then you wouldn’t have taken the time to go, right?”
“I guess… but it’s my fault, I have no reason to stay inside constantly, I just can’t find it in myself to leave.”
“And you don’t think that’s a problem…?”
The conversation fizzled out as Grian continued to face away, knees pressed against his chest tightly like a shield. With a sigh, Scar asked, “So I’m guessing I’m not going to see you again?”
That got him a response and even a half-hearted chuckle, “Not unless you see me in a club and want another picture.”
“I just might, you’re very photogenic,” The brunet jokes, making sure to sneak in a wink in his direction.
A slight blush crept onto the tips of the other’s ears.
“Um- I should get going, doesn’t look like the rain is going to stop anytime soon…” The student muttered, standing up quickly with an embarrassed look on his face.
“Right, of course,” Scar spoke before an idea popped into his head that was filled with the man’s freckles and rosy-tipped ears, “Wait! I have an umbrella.”
Taking off his bag, he began rummaging through his disaster of storage. Grian waited patiently, his cigarette long since burned out. The student dropped it onto the pavement to be stamped out. Finally, Scar was able to grab onto the end and pull it out, pushing it into the other’s arms, “Here, you can use this.”
“Won’t you need it? I don’t want to steal your umbrella.”
The brunet stood up, backpack on by one strap as he spoke, “It’s alright, I live close by. You can just give it back at the next session, okay? So you better be there.”
Grian’s facial expression shifted. A stare full of confusion before something clicked and a smile replaced the scowl he had been wearing, “...okay, I’ll- I will give it another shot.”
“Great! See you then!”
With that, Scar walked down the stairs that led to the building, quickly starting to run down the street so he didn’t get too soaked by the elements with only a small pain in his side. A massive giddy smile stuck on his face.
-
When Grian returned to his dorm, he immediately got into some dry clothes.
He managed to miss the bus he was used to but thankfully public transport wasn’t too bad here, plus a certain tall man’s umbrella helped make it more bearable… The student thought back to that moment many times throughout the bus ride home. He wondered why the man even cared at all, why he was helping the other out when they had only talked twice. Maybe he was just naturally nice. Grian wondered what that was like.
It was cold in the dorm, he didn’t know why it was so much colder than before but it left a hollow feeling in his gut.
He placed the umbrella by the door to dry off, making sure not to break it somehow. Guess he was stuck to join another session… Well, he wasn’t actually, he could very much skip out, nobody cared about their umbrella that much. But a part of him knew he couldn’t do that, no matter how much his brain told him that Scar wouldn’t care.
Because Scar wanted him to be there.
Grian wasn’t sure why that meant so much to him, he wasn’t even sure why somebody like Scar was there. He didn’t seem to have any problem talking to random strangers, plus he had a face that could get anybody he wanted. Though maybe it was cruel to judge him on that, he had no idea what Scar’s life was like. And right now, the handsome man expected him to be at the next session and he didn’t want to disappoint.
So when the week passed by in a fast unchanging blur, Grian added to his routine going to the Hermit meetings.
The next time he showed up, he made sure to take the umbrella, basically throwing it into the other’s arms as soon as their eyes met, “Here… thank you by the way, I never got to say that.”
A massive grin appeared on the brunet’s face, dimples making his stomach do all sorts of vicious things, “I’m just happy to see you here.”
The group seemed to flow from one activity to the next. It began with an icebreaker about favourite memories to the ‘question of the day’ after the conversation came to a stop.
Xisuma, the leader of the group, almost rehearsed, “Now, today is a bit different. To make sure that everyone participates in this one, you will write your answer on a sticky note or multiple and stick it to the wall to make a mural of sorts! We want to know what you're proud of this week. It doesn’t have to be big, it can be finishing an essay or even making your bed, and you can write as many as you want, just do what feels right.”
Grian stood up with the rest of the members, not wanting to stick out and followed them absently to a table across the room with different colours of post-it notes and Sharpies. The more outgoing of the group immediately grabbed many notes and started placing them on one of the blank walls. Bdubs pushed Etho into doing one, seeming to be listing off things for him to put down, Pearl accidentally, at least he assumed it was accidental, placed her note upside down, a proud smile on her face.
From behind him, a figure placed a hand on his shoulder. Instantly, he flinched, ducking away from the contact.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” Scar’s smile was soft and gentle, much like his demeanour, “I was just wondering what you were going to put on your Post-it.”
Grian stared at the wall, eyes scanning over all the notes. On the wall people had written things like getting a small raise, finishing a school project, or even going outside and meeting new people. He didn’t have anything like that to be proud of…
“I don’t know.”
“That’s okay! I’m sure you’ll think of something!” The man once again placed his hand on the other, this time patting Grian’s back. Scar sure was extroverted…
He ended up just watching the brunet make his post-it notes, only to appear like he was doing something and not just standing around like a socially inept loser. He watched as the man wrote things like ‘remembered to lock the door’ and ‘getting out of bed today’.
Was he proud of himself for doing that sort of stuff? That was just regular living. But as he looked at the man’s smile he noticed how Scar somehow managed to get sharpie ink all over his hands doodling flowers and cat whiskers around the words written in messy handwriting. Maybe being proud was different for everyone…
Grabbing a pen and a pink Post-it note, he stuck it right next to one of Scar’s and wrote ‘Leaving my dorm today’. That seemed to make the brunet happy because when he looked over Scar’s smile grew, leaning over to draw a sloppy heart next to it.
“Write another!” He said, already grabbing another Post-it note.
“I don’t have anything else to write.”
“Of course, you do, just got to reach deep inside that memory bank of yours,” Even the way he spoke was expressive as his hands gestured to his brain.
With a sigh, Grian placed his note next to his last one and stalled to put anything on it, marker floating an inch away from the paper. Scar bumped his shoulder and muttered with a smile, “Do you want me to help?”
The dirty blonde nodded.
Using his green marker he wrote, ‘went to the hermit meeting’. Wordlessly, he grabbed more Post-it notes and kept writing in his area. ‘Wore clean clothes’. ‘Went to work’. ‘Woke up’.
“That’s not something to be proud of, everybody does that stuff.”
“Yeah, but you did it. Forget about everybody else, what matters is that you did something. Whether it was significant at all doesn’t matter, you just have to put down things, especially if you struggle with that sort of stuff.”
Grian looked at the notes, head full of thoughts…
Guess he was doing this.
The next note he wrote said ‘talked to somebody’.
“You got it!” The brunet cheered, giving him two thumbs up before returning to his own. He seemed… proud of him.
Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all…
-
Just as Grian walked out the doors, Scar managed to grab onto his jacket sleeve, stopping him in his tracks, “Hey, I know this is a bit forward but… do you want to get something to eat? I know a cool diner near here.”
The smaller man’s eyes widened. A small pink dusting coated his cheeks as he took his arm away, “Oh! Uh… Look, you’re a great guy but-”
Scar instantly started to wave his hands around in a frantic manner, “No, no! I just meant as friends! I don’t like walking at night- Not that I wouldn’t want to go romantically eat with you, I mean you’re great- I mean- I thought it’d be nice to do, as friends!-”
All of a sudden, Grian started to laugh, stopping the other’s mad rambling. The small laughter being unsuccessfully stifled made Scar’s insides melt with pure fondness. As the architect calmed down, he uttered, “I guess I could go for something to eat.”
“G-Great!”
They began walking down the sidewalk, the street lamps lighting up their way but they still stayed close to each other, especially around the less pleasant areas of the city. No words were spoken, though it wasn’t needed as they enjoyed the silence. Scar’s brain was buzzing with activity, it was hard to believe that Grian, the adorable dirty blonde with freckles that could melt his heart, wanted to hang out with him! He just had to hope that he didn’t mess it up…
Soon, they stood outside of a small restaurant that was tucked into a corner street. It was a pizza joint that he and Cub used to go to when they were both in school and needed a cheap place to eat. Walking up, they were met with neon signs and black and white chequered floors that gave the entire small establishment an old-timey feel. Scar ended up ordering to go for the both of them as Grian leaned against the nearest wall, looking out the window with a wistful expression.
Standing next to him made butterflies flutter in his stomach, “So, um… How are you?”
The student almost chuckled at the pathetic attempt at small talk, “I’m okay, kind of tired from work but you know how it is.”
“Yeah, yeah, though it has been a while since I’ve had a 9 to 5, used to have this awful fast food job, was not fun,” The brunet rambled on, hoping that if he just talked enough it would hide the fact how awkward he was. He kept having to stop himself from messing with loose threads or tapping on different surfaces just to have something to do with his hands.
“Oh? So you don’t have a job? Are you one of those guys that live off daddy’s money in your suite?”
“Hah, definitely not,” His tone was very haste and cynical, “I’m an artist, I do commission work, that sort of thing.”
Grian’s face changed, an expression that was impossible to decipher, “That must be difficult.”
“Yeah, it is. The pay isn’t the best and I work more than I would with a ‘proper’ job but I’m happy. Plus it means I don’t have to live off my parent’s money, I don’t think they would give me money anyway,” He was saying way too much but as he shuffled his feet, his mind seemed to drift off, sprouting out whatever came into his head first.
“Hm? What do you mean by that?”
“I uh… I haven’t talked to my parents since I moved out so… maybe six years?”
“Oh. Oh, I am so sorry-”
“Don’t be! I’m okay about it, seriously.”
Thankfully, just as the conversation turned sour, one of the employees alerted them that their food was ready. Scar went to pick up the litre bottle of pop, “Want to eat this somewhere cool? I know a place.”
Wordlessly, the student grabbed the boxes and started to follow behind him like a lost duckling. The brunet led him out of the building and started walking into alleys and shortcuts, past the groups of drunken women trying their best to walk down the street, past the overflowing trash cans, until they got to a fire exit ladder leading up to the stairs to the rooftop.
“Are you sure we’re allowed up there? I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.”
“Nah, it’s fine!” The artist reassured as he started climbing up with one hand, his cane and the pop tucked under his arm, “I used to come here all the time!”
Grian’s dark eyes darted to the street like he was debating leaving before huffing, making his way up, struggling way more than Scar was. Soon enough though, with a bit of a helping hand from the taller man, they both made it to the rooftop. The brunet made his way to the edge, resting his back against the rim and began opening up the bottle. The other followed as he sat cross-legged next to him and opened up the boxes.
There was a cheese and a meat feast, still steaming hot as Scar took it upon himself to dig in, “That alright with you?”
“Yeah, thank you,” The smaller man barely mumbled as he took a slice and took a tiny bite out of it, looking down at the ground in a sheepish manner.
The brunet tapped his shoe against the ground, stimming nervously as his gaze wandered, trying to desperately find the right words to say. The other was so caged, so quiet, not much to bounce off in a conversation that he could practically see the tension in his shoulders. His posture was boxy, hands moving about like they didn't know where they belonged, and eyes darting around the roof. But it was worth a shot to at least try and get him out of his shell…
“So, you have cats?” That got Grian’s attention, though not the best kind as he raised a confused eyebrow, “I just mean, because of the cute sweater I saw you wear and- I don’t know, it’s silly.”
“No, it’s okay…” He whispered like the stars were listening in. The architect had the faintest of smiles on his face as he reminisced, eyes wistfully looking out over the roof like he was stuck in a memory, “Those two cats on my sweater are Maui and Pearl, they’re uh- they aren’t mine, they’re my parents and they live in England so I haven’t seen them in a while but I love them no matter what. Even when they are brats.”
“Aww, that’s cute! I have a cat of my own, I think she’d like you,” He hummed with a smile, " Are you planning to visit them any time soon?”
A long silence filled the conversation. Everything slowed as the air grew more and more stale. It was suffocating. Scar was painfully aware of each movement, how loud his fidgeting was, and how much space he took up. And he was also painfully aware of how big his mouth was, his tongue too big to fit. How did he always say the wrong thing? Why was he ruining his chances with the most adorable man he’s seen?
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Scar quickly added once it was obvious Grian wasn’t going to respond, taking another bite of the pizza just to give an excuse to not talk.
They could hear the occasional sound of cars driving below them. The brunet looked out across the horizon, the skyscrapers seemed to tower endlessly over them but when he looked over the roof they were on, the passersby seemed so small.
“I always like the lights up here,” He spoke out loud, changing the conversation swiftly to avoid any more silence that felt like a clasp on his neck. Scar leaned against the rim of the building, head peering up at the skyline like a child at the zoo. And to avoid looking at the man that gave him goosebumps.
“Hm?”
“I mean, just look at this, all those lights!” The artist waved his arm out towards the apartment buildings with their windows lit up, “It’s crazy to think about how big this city is, every single window is a person, every single light is somebody living their lives and having their own thoughts. Somebody might be looking down at us and thinking about the same thing too...”
He watched Grian out of the corner of his eye lean over the rim with him, close enough to get his heart fluttering, “Yeah… I guess you’re right. I’ve… I’ve never really thought about it like that. I guess my brain makes me believe that everybody is fake. Just a backdrop or the scenery.”
“Oh? Does that mean I’m fake too?” Scar joked but when he looked over and saw the tired expression on his face, the student’s mouth twisted up into a frown, where it didn’t belong, it made him rethink his jokey tone.
“I don’t know,” Grian eventually answered as he looked back towards the city, “I mean, you’re the most interesting person I’ve ever met, I don’t think I could make you up if I tried. I’m not the most imaginative…”
“I-I am?”
Grian grew bashful, trying to look away to hide his rosy cheeks but Scar could see them clearly in the artificial lights, “Yeah… you are…”
“The way you see the world is kind of magical, I know this all sounds so strange but you have a beautiful brain, it’s remarkable how you can just- do things!” A burst of energy seemed to take over the man as he rambled on, “You can talk to people, go outside, and see the magic in things I cannot. You see the good in illegal roof spots and in lights that give out light pollution, and-... and I guess I just don’t understand…”
He made sure to focus, made sure that every word was put into his brain and stored. Scar listened to the sounds of people in the far distance as he tried to get his thoughts in order, trying to come up with a good response that wouldn’t bring down the conversation that was finally flourishing. It was bizarre to have somebody compliment your brain but for Scar, it was bizarre to be complimented at all. He didn’t know what to say, how to feel, and how to not fall in love immediately just because Grian had spoken highly of him twice now. Finally, he confessed, “It’s not as easy as it looks.”
“You’re just saying that… I mean, you’re amazing, people like you, I don’t know how to be likeable, you make it seem so natural.”
“It isn’t, I-I struggle all the time!” He finally returned his gaze to the dirty blonde, enjoying the view way more than any city, “I go to that club for a reason, I’m not as remarkable as you think, I’m just a person. I try so hard to be likeable because I want people to like me!!”
“Yeah, but everybody already likes you, I mean, I like you and that’s an impressive feat.”
The air changed, it eased up, making it more bearable to breathe as Scar’s smile emerged, growing until it was from ear to ear. His heart skipped a beat or two, the noise of the city blending into the background as his thoughts overtook. Grian liked him? He was liked by somebody?
Scar knew he was a hard person to be around. He talked a lot, he was unbearable when he got lost in his rambles, and he struggled to pick up on social cues that made him stick out like a sore thumb. The thought of somebody like the architect enjoying his company, well, it was hard to believe when he had thought himself to be unlovable. “You do?”
Grian looked away, blushing somehow even redder until it matched the traffic lights, “I mean, yeah… Is it not obvious? Instead of being in my safe room, staying up late playing video games, I followed you to eat pizza on a rooftop that might collapse beneath us any minute now, which I still think is illegal.”
“Oh! Well… I think you’re pretty likeable too, even if you don’t think so.”
The student finally looked over at him, eyes wide and shiny, “...thanks.”
They looked out to the city, seeming even brighter as they silently ate their food.
“What do you think the person in that window is like?”
The voice breaks him out of his train of thought as he sees Grian pointing at a window in one of the higher buildings. One of the windows was coloured blue, clearly by LED lights.
“I think her name is maybe… Barbara? A radical teenager who wants to be an animal activist slash lawyer when she’s older,” Scar rambled on, making the other chuckle to himself.
“Oh yeah?” He spoke with a cheerful lift to his words, “What about that one?”
In one of the windows, clothes were hanging off the balcony and one of the doors was broken, now leaning against the wall, “Hmmm… Probably a mother of eight, she dreams of one day becoming an actor as she waits for her baby daddy to come home.”
“Man, that’s sad.”
“Yeah, sorry, don’t know where that came from.”
The dirty blonde just chuckled softly, barely audible with the sounds of their surroundings. As they fell into a comfortable silence, Scar was painfully aware of how close the other was getting. Slowly but surely they were gravitating towards each other, shoulders bumping into each other when one of them would lean over to get another slice or shuffled. Each time was a shock of electricity throughout his entire body, making his heart pound, his head buzzing with activity, and all he could think about was how he wanted more and more of this.
When was the last time somebody had made him feel like this? This excitement? This burst of energy and infatuation coursed through his veins.
Just as he started to get lost in his head, Grian spoke up, “Is… is that normal?”
“Hm? What do you mean?”
“Not knowing if everybody is fake or not? Am I crazy for thinking like that?” There was genuine worry in his voice, like a chip in his defensive walls, “I swear I don’t normally think like this, I-... Just… often.”
It was like Scar could see the other’s vulnerable side appear, little by little as the hours passed by. He wondered what it would be like to be on the other side of his walls. He saw the way Grian held himself, lips pursed, head faced away, each word forced through his throat like it was wrapped in barbed wire.
“No, you’re not crazy,” The brunet quickly spoke softly, making sure to flash him a smile, “Some people can feel like that, especially if they struggle with dissociating. It can make everything feel… fake, I suppose. Like a dollhouse or a play. I used to feel like that too after a rough time in my life, sometimes I didn’t even feel real myself…”
“Oh.”
Grian brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them tightly like he was trying to ground himself. So tucked away into his bubble that nothing could hurt him. His eyebrows were stitched together into a worried forehead line, his eyes darkened as thoughts seemed to clog up his mind.
“It’s okay if that’s how you feel,” Scar spoke gently, voice so low it nearly got drowned out by a commotion a few streets over, “Your feelings are normal, but that doesn’t mean you have to go through them alone. It can help to talk to somebody…”
The architect looked up towards the sky, towards the black empty night that held no stars, just a thick smog and a barely visible moon. A harsh sigh left his mouth, “It’s not that big of a deal.”
His tone was sharp and rough, leaving the air feeling more tense than freeing. Scar decided to not press anymore, “Okay if you say so…”
The night ended swiftly after. The artist sneakily stole the last slice of pizza before Grian could notice, but he didn’t seem to care, and before long they were making their way back down the fire escape, throwing their trash into the garbage can. The smallest man messed with the end of his sweater as he uttered dryly, “I think I should go catch my bus.”
“Oh! I’ll walk with you!”
“You really don’t have to.”
“But I want to,” As he spoke he realised the mistake he had made, “Because you know, uh- it can be dangerous at this time and I want you to be safe- Not that I don’t think you couldn’t take care of yourself, I’m sure you can, I um- I thought-”
Grian’s light chuckle broke his train of thought as the other turned around and started walking, “Come on, let’s go, I might miss my bus if you keep rambling.”
The brunet found his place right next to his friend, was that what they were now? Friends? He sure hoped so. It was nice to have somebody next to him. Walking by his side, making even the darkest of nights feel safer, the street lights brighter, and the sidewalks less crowded, like it was just the two of them.
“I-” Grian began before shutting his mouth, grabbing onto the strap of his bag with a death grip, “I want to say thank you for tonight, it was… nicer than I thought it would be.”
“You’re very welcome,” Scar wore a wide smile across his scar-covered face, hoping that it wouldn’t scare him off, “I liked it too, you’re nice to be around.”
“I’d hope so,” He softly chuckled.
“Of course! I’d love to hang out with you again!”
All of a sudden, the man stopped dead in his tracks.
Staring right ahead with a strained expression like a deer in headlights. But when the brunet looked there was nothing there.
“Is… everything ok-”
“My bus stop is right there,” His voice was cold, vaguely gesturing to a little bus stop down the street, “I’ll… see you later Scar.”
“Oh, um… okay!” The taller man tried to keep his smile but it was difficult with the sharp words, “I guess I’ll see you at the next meeting?”
“...yeah.”
And that was all he got before the man that ran a rampage through his brain walked away, leaving him alone under a single street lamp. But he didn’t let it get to him. He just spent a night with an adorable boy, that was something to celebrate. He knew so much more about the stranger in the club than he ever could have wished for, he should be happy! But instead, there was this hollow pit in his gut, like something was a bit off…
Why did the night end so strangely…?
What was going through that man’s head?