Chapter Text
When their naked, sweaty bodies split from each other, Adora landed on the other side of the bed. As a feeling of euphoria swept through her, she gradually caught her breath back, staring up at the ceiling. Turning on her side, she rested her head on her hand to enjoy the view in comfort. The hotel room was silent, except for Catra’s swift breathing next to her. The colorless winter light streaming through the window gave the other woman's naked body an ethereal, almost spectral aspect.
Adora was mesmerized by her thin curves and slim, toned muscles. She was always starving to feel that soft skin under her hands, lips, tongue... She really loved to look at her short messy brown hair and her beautiful caramel complexion. Not to mention, her fascinating mismatched eyes, sky blue and light amber. The brunette was definitely beautiful.
“Princess, you kill me,” Catra gasped, still lying on her back, staring at the ceiling.
“I guess you liked my new move then,” Adora replied in a smug voice, grinning at the compliment.
“Where did you get that?”
“A lady must keep some secrets.”
Catra snorted with a laugh, “Sure, that’s what you are.”
Catra glanced at her and flashed her a faint smile. A wave of intense emotion ran through Adora’s full body at the sight of that blooming face.
Finally, her many hours of online research had finally paid off; she had impressed Catra. Adora adjusted her position to be more comfortable. Her long blond hair encircled a friendly face with deep blue eyes. Her eyes were particularly bright in that moment, as she admired the other woman. She had an athletic body and a fair complexion.
The brunette’s cheeks were still red, framing her radiant expression. Adora could stay there for hours, just looking at her. It was just her and Catra for a while, the rest of the world didn’t matter. A precious moment for them. Adora couldn’t stop enjoying it.
Really, in this kind of moment, everything seemed perfect. Or almost perfect. There were always some shadows in the back of her mind. As much as she loved being there with Catra, she never could forget about uncomfortable realities for too long. For example, Catra was her best friend’s wife. Besides, her own beloved family – her husband and children – waited for her at home. All the lies, betrayals and vows broken to be with her lover…
In recent weeks, these trivial details had been growing in Adora's mind. A feeling of guilt overwhelmed her more and more everyday, as she thought about their situation and her family. It broke her inside in many ways and she couldn't bear it anymore. At the same time, every moment spent with Catra filled her with such joy. Whatever, she had to be strong. She had to put an end to this relationship. She was sad about what that involved, but it was for the best.
It didn’t seem fair to tell Catra right now, just after their shared moment of passion. To be honest, it seemed like the worst possible moment. But she had to take immediate action, or she wasn’t sure she would have the strength later. If she had been less cowardly, she would have done it before they met at the hotel, before they had taken the room, before sleeping with her. But she was craving to touch her, to smell her, and to taste her once more. She was delaying the inevitable moment, admiring her one last time.
"Catra," Adora awkwardly said, after a while. "We can’t continue like this."
"You're right,” Catra commented in a cheerful voice, turning her blooming face toward her. “With your new move, we need a room with a king size bed next time."
"No, no, I mean between us," Adora clarified, alternately pointing at them both with a guilty look. Catra stared at her thoughtfully without a word, so she continued, "I can't take it any longer, you know I-"
"Please, Dora, I know exactly what you mean. This isn’t the first time we’ve had this conversation."
Throughout their two-year-long secret relationship, Adora had already stopped, or at least tried to stop, this several times. However, her will hadn’t always been equal to her intention. She had been weak before, but things were different this time. Her choice was made, and nothing would change her mind. She knew it was difficult for Catra to understand, but she had to accept the reality. It was the best way for them both, even though her lover didn't see it at that moment.
“We need to stop. You know I love my husband. I can’t do this to my family any longer,” Adora said in a still tender but firm voice, shaking her head and frowning slightly.
“I love my wife. But I love you too.”
“Don’t say things like that.”
Catra reached out her hand to caress Adora’s cheek, “I just say how I feel. These feelings aren’t incompatible.”
“Stop it! I’m sorry, but it’s over.”
Standing up quickly, Adora started looking around for her clothes. She grabbed her underwear from the floor, and hastily put it on. Then, she rushed across the room to take her creased sweater from a chair next to the bathroom. She avoided glancing at Catra who didn’t move from the bed, staring at her with a faint smile. All her willpower was focused on doing the right thing.
“If you say so,” Catra replied carelessly, putting her hands behind her head.
“I would have preferred to spare you this, but I have to do the right thing,” Adora explained, genuinely sorry, as she looked around for her pants.
“Don’t worry about me, princess. Besides, you’ve still got my number.”
“You don’t understand. It’s different this time. It’s over. I’m serious.”
“Sure, you’re serious.”
Catra seemed to be in such denial it was painful for Adora to watch. She had strong feelings for the brunette and didn’t want to hurt her. However, she couldn’t afford to take so many risks with her family. There was too much to lose for her and for Catra. One of them had to take responsibility and bring this mistake to an end. Even though they were always careful, the situation had become too hazardous. Her conscience had tormented her for too long.
“You know it's better for both of us,” Adora justified herself, while she looked for her blue jeans under the bed.
“Whatever. I won’t argue with you when you’re like this,” Catra said, yawning and giving her an indifferent look. “What about next week?”
Holding up her pants, Adora stood up and frowned at the brunette. She didn’t want to play this game, there was no next week for them. “I know it's hard to accept, but we won’t-”, she began with a touch of annoyance.
Catra groaned, interrupting her, “Calm down Dora. I meant for New Year’s Eve. Should we bring anything?”
Amid their discussion, Adora had completely forgotten about New Year’s Eve. Catra and her wife Glimmer would spend it with them like they did every year. Glimmer had been her best friend since college and the couples remained close.
Even though she couldn’t meet with Catra as they were now, they would still have to see each other regularly. Adora felt a pinch in her chest at the thought, but she pushed the emotion away. It wasn’t a problem. After all, they were responsible adults; they could deal with their clumsy history.
“No, we’ll take care of everything,” Adora replied, as she put her jeans on.
“Okay cool, I’ll tell Glim. She was ready to bake something for dessert,” the brunette said, flashing a wry smile.
“I’d rather not have one of her desserts.”
“No one wants that.”
Glimmer’s cooking skills had been a subject of jokes for years, but Adora wasn’t really in a mood to laugh right now. She felt melancholy rise in her, as she stared at Catra still lying on the bed. She sensed this was the last time they would be together in this magic intimacy. The idea almost hurt physically. Shaking herself out of her thoughts, she reached for her coat at the door. She put her hand on the door handle and hesitated for one second.
“I didn’t want it to end this way, I’m sorry. But I hope you’ll understand one day,” Adora said in a trembling voice, opening the door.
“Dora,” Catra called after her gently.
“If the situation was different, maybe we could have been together. I don’t know,” Adora turned to the brunette, her lips pursed in a thin line and her eyes wet.
“Maybe princess, but don’t forget.”
“What?”
“We need a king size next time.”
Adora didn’t have the strength to respond and just shook her head sadly. When she closed the door, the brunette was still chuckling to herself. She loved that laugh so much and felt her heart leap in her chest. Resting her head against the door, she took a few deep breaths to calm herself. She hadn’t meant to hurt Catra, but she saw no other way forward. Her only wish was that Catra wouldn't have too much trouble accepting reality.
Walking down the corridor of the hotel, Adora felt like part of her life was ending. Spending those moments with Catra the past two years had been a magical interlude in her daily life. Her feelings for Catra were deeper than she could admit, even to herself. The heavy weight on her chest at the moment proved it. But she knew time would help. Christmas was coming in a few days, so she could spend time with her family and forget about anything else.
This New Year would bring a fresh start for her, and she hoped for her lover, or rather ex-lover, too. As she exited the elevator, she had almost convinced herself. She paid for the room at the reception, even though it wasn’t her turn. She owed that to Catra at least .
When she stepped out onto the street, the cold hit her and she pulled her coat tighter around her. The snow had begun to fall and was already coating the ground. Winter weather had always relaxed her. It was bracing and helped her to forget everything. Despite the cold, she stayed awhile, gazing at the trees and the mountains. A bit relieved, she then slowly headed to her car.