Archive of Our Own

I’m packing all the necessary items that’ll be needed for break. My spare clothes, a large collection of gifts I’ve purchased throughout the year for my younger siblings, my collection of pocket knives, my toothbrush, etc. when Zhongli walks into the dorm.

“Hello,” He greets.

“Hi,” I smile at him. “Why aren’t you packing?”

“Oh, I was going to stay at school for winter break,” Zhongli bowed his head politely as we meet eyes.

“What?” I am taken aback. “Don’t you have family to spend your time with?”

“Xiao and Venti decided to spend their break together,” Zhongli turns and starts organizing his textbooks on his bed across the room from mine. “Guizhong is at home in China with Ping, but I can’t afford to fly back to them. Hu Tao is visiting her family. Ganyu and Ningguang are staying here with Keqing to study. I guess they’re the closest family-like people who I could spend my time with, so I’ll be staying with them.”

“So you, my roommate and friend, are going to stay at school during the wonderful most amazing month and season without any true family, to study,” I shake my head. Why am I even surprised? This is Zhongli.

“Yes,” my friend nods. “Also, I happen to consider Ganyu as family, as she is like a younger sister to me.”

“Mhm,” I yawn. “That’s an excuse. You’re just lonely.”

“I am not,” Zhongli insists, facing me.

He looks very tall from where he stands by his bed and where I sit on the floor of our shared dorm. We both met two years ago at this school and have grown to be close friends, and luckily we happened to get the same dorm for the first time this year. He came here to England from China, apparently to pursue experiences across the world. I came from Russia because it’s traditional for my family to go during our high school careers.

“Well,” I glance at my suitcase which I was trying to zip shut. “I’ve got an open seat at my table ever since my eldest brother went to college…”

“I couldn’t impose on your family,” Zhongli says.

“You wouldn’t be,” I shoot back. “Plus, it’d be good to have a friend there. My family teases me every year, and I need some back up.”

“I do not even understand Russian,” Zhongli shakes his head.

“We all speak English,” I reason. “Our dad’s half British and he taught us young. Plus, our schools taught it.”

“...I would freeze to death,” Zhongli mentions.

“Russia is not as cold as people say it is. Plus, I come from a town pretty far south. It’ll be the same, if not slightly colder, than here,” I say. “None of your excuses will get past me. Wouldn’t you want to have a friend to hang out with over break? You’re always alone.”

“Why must you insist I come?” Zhongli shakes his head in a fond way (I hope).

“I don’t want you to be lonely!” I insist. “And I need back up, like I said before. I swear, they always tease me constantly about the same thing every year.”

“What are they teasing you about?” He asks innocently.

“Ah…” I grow embarrassed and look at my hands. “They always like to ask if I’m- homosexual.”

“What do you mean? You’re gay as hell,” a new voice calls.

I am startled by the fact that someone had managed to sneak into our dorm without me sensing them. Luckily, it’s no stranger.

“Stop eavesdropping, Scaramouche!” I am more embarrassed now.

“I came to take my Switch controller back,” Scara continues, ignoring me. “Hand it over, gay ass bitch.”

I glare at him and push myself up from the floor, mumbling as I try to find his controller in the piles of video game materials I own. I’d borrowed it since summer when I realized I couldn’t teach Zhongli how to play Mario Kart without a second controller. I finally fish it out and throw it at him. He catches it easily, and then turns to leave.

“And I’m not gay!” I announce.

“Sure,” Scara leaves.

“See? Even he teases me,” I face Zhongli, who seems amused.

“Ah, I presume it is simply a common teasing point?” Zhongli shrugs.

“Anyway. You should pack, and I’ll get to buying another plane ticket, yeah?” I smile.

“I never agreed,” Zhongli says.

“Verbally,” I point out. “Why wouldn’t you want to spend all summer with me, Childe Ajax Tartaglia, the most amazing roommate?”

“Perhaps it could be your ego?” Zhongli smiles in his formal way.

I laugh and turn back to my suitcase. I bend down to the floor and begin my attempt at zipping the stuffed thing. After three attempts, I am close to ripping it right off the rails before Zhongli sits next to me and puts his hands on top of mine, telling me to stop and let him try without words.

I blush and let go of the rebellious piece of metal. Zhongli pushes down on the top of the case and uses his other hand to gently coerce the zipper shut. He turns to me when he finishes, and I blush at our closeness. He smiles lightly, though blushing also.

“And you say you’re not gay?” yet another voice interrupts my packing process.

I jump at the sound, right up to my feet. Zhongli stands up next to me, but a lot more gracefully.

“Morning, Ningguang,” Zhongli nods.

I can’t help but send a glare at the woman. I’ve told her a thousand times I’m not gay, but she insists I am nevertheless. We often see each other when Beidou and I get in fights (it’s purposeful. We bet on it) and she comes to tell me off afterwards.

“Hey. I wanted to arrange our study sessions now rather than later. Keqing told me Ganyu told her that Xiao told her you’re staying to study at the school,” Ningguang greets.

“I’m not, actually,” Zhongli bows his head apologetically.

She arches a brow, and I smile to myself.

“Oh- well, nevermind, then,” Ningguang glances at me quickly. She must notice how close we’re standing. “Have fun in China.”

“A misunderstanding,” Zhongli smiles. “I’m visiting Childe’s family in Russia.”

“To meet the dad?” Ningguang leans against the door. “Don’t tell me you’ve got yourself into a shotgun wedding.”

“Woah woah woah, one, we don’t own a shotgun. That’s illegal, though we have a few hunting rifles,” I shake my head. “Two, I’m straight. Three, he’s lonely so I’m making him come. Four, my dad would never do that. Plus he’s off in the army. Five, Zhongli’s way too honorable to-”

“I get it, I was joking,” Ningguang sighs. “Beidou has been insisting I try to be less serious around other people. I was using a joke. Guess you're too… you, to get it.”

“Oh,” I blink.

“Thank you for defending my honor, Childe,” Zhongli sounds like he’s smiling, but I’m too busy looking at my feet. “And no, we’re not getting married. I’m visiting as a friend.”

“Suuuree,” Venti giggles.

“Venti, I thought I banned you from our dorm?” Zhongli is surprised that the shorter one is suddenly prancing in.

“You did,” Venti tilts his head at me. “Anyway, I was going to ask if you wanted to visit my family, but I guess not.”

“What family?” I ask.

“Ouch,” Venti laughs.

“Childe, that was rude,” Zhongli elbows me.

“No, no, it’s funny, you don’t get it because you’re a grandpa,” Venti smiles. “Anyway, I meant my other family. Xiao. And uh… no that’s it. Just Xiao. We were gonna go to Scotland because it’s close and why not. I guessed you’d be too gentlemanly to ask yourself so I was offering.”

“Well, I presume that has been answered already then,” Zhongli says.

“Right,” Venti grins. “Off to snowy land with your boyfriend. Is it even legal to enter Russia anymore? I thought it was a scary dictatorship-”

“President Tsaritsa is no dictator. We hold elections often and she just happens to win them all because she has brought prosperity to the country,” I cross my arms. “Yes it is legal to enter and leave Russia, did you think I snuck over the border at night, dodging bullets or some shit?”

“Yeah, that’s basically what I imagined,” Venti putzes around the room. “Anyway, I don’t need to be Russian propaganda’d-”

“It’s not propaganda.”

“-So I’ll be off,” Venti trots over to Zhongli and whispers to him before he leaves: “Don’t mess it up. Marry him so you can get rich. He’s our last hope, no one else is stupid enough to fall for your boring ass.”

“I heard that,” I say without looking at him.

“No you didn’t,” Venti runs out of the room.

I watch as Ningguang sends an eye roll in the direction of the dorm before leaving.

“All this winter break hustle is crazy. I can’t wait to sit on my quiet porch and listen to the snow fall,” I finally am able to capture Zhongli’s attention again.

“That sounds rather pleasant,” Zhongli nods slowly.

“Now, I’ll help you pack,” I grab his shoulders from behind and lead him to his dresser.

—

The plane ride felt short, and we arrived soon at the Snezhnayan airport. My family lives in a tiny town in Snezhnaya, which is one of Russia’s biggest regions. The town’s out of the way of any airports, and there are only about 150 people there. We knew everyone who we lived by growing up. I feel nostalgic thinking about it.

I hold my suitcase handle in one hand, and the strap of my backpack in the other. I’m wearing it on one shoulder, as I always have since elementary school.

In contrast, Zhongli is rather stiff beside me. He has just a suitcase, and he holds it like a businessman in his right hand. He brought nothing else. That’s probably because he doesn’t have presents for my siblings, I guess.

We walk out of the airport and board a bus. We ride it for three hours. Zhongli and I both talk the whole way.

“Are all of them gingers?” Zhongli questions.

Every time one of us moves, our winter jackets rub up against each other. I can’t tell if it’s annoying or comforting, but either way, it’s just an observation I’m making while listening to Zhongli ask away.

“Most of them,” I nod. “Some of my siblings have strawberry-blond, though. Mom’s blond, so…”

“Ah, I couldn’t see any blond in your hair,” Zhongli observes my head.

I shrink into my jacket a bit when I feel his eyes on my face, as if his eyes drifted downwards. I keep his gaze, though, and then he suddenly blinks and turns back to my hair.

“Yeah, I inherited a lot from my dad,” I shrug in an attempt to be casual.

“Do you all have such vibrant blue eyes?” Zhongli finally turns his attention back to my face.

“Well, theirs are less dead-looking than mine, I’ve been told,” I laugh a bit.

“I think your eyes are lovely,” Zhongli smiles.

“Says the one with the most perfect, shiny eyes ever,” I chuckle.

“Thank you,” Zhongli nods and looks forward to the seat ahead.

I face him, and realize he’s turned a bit pink. I smile.

The bus continues on and drops us off at a station, and from there we have to walk. We reach the center square of the village and pause, standing really close and looking at the snow-dusted landscape. A few snowflakes begin to fall, and I watch as they get stuck in Zhongli’s hair.

His hands are gloved, but mine aren’t. I think he notices how pink they are because he looks down at them, a sweet worried look on his face. I smile at him and roll my eyes playfully.

“I’m used to the cold,” I say. “You worry too much.”

“How did you know what I was thinking?” Zhongli asks.

“You’re easy to read,” I look out at the snowy buildings around us. “Anyway, it’ll get colder as the day goes on. It’s nearly sunset. Let’s go.”

We carry our luggage through the snow all the way until the paths turn to dirt and there are no street lamps anymore. Zhongli seems a bit tired, and I offer to take his suitcase, but he insists he’s fine. We keep walking, and he can tell we’re close by the way I feel myself getting more excited. He can read me like I can read him.

As we round a secluded corner, a cabin becomes visible. I can’t help but smile, and I can feel Zhongli smiling next to me.

“Can we run?” I ask, adjusting my backpack so it’s steadier on my shoulder.

“Sure,” Zhongli chuckles.

I instantly start running towards my house, and I can hear Zhongli keeping up. When we get there, I run up the tiny porch’s stairs and pound on the door. A moment later, Zhongli is standing beside me. I grin at him, and he smiles back amusedly. I can tell he’s laughing at my enthusiasm.

“Mom, your son’s home!” I hear a shout through the door.

The young voice makes my heart swell. It was definitely Tonia.

“Which one?” my mom calls, I can hear her voice getting louder.

Suddenly, the door swings open. I look down to see my younger brother Anthon looking up at me with childish joy. Tonia stands behind him by a few feet, and she smiles when I come in. It smells like fresh bread and strawberry jam.

“The gay one,” Anthon calls into the house, turning his head around.

“Ah,” my mom says as she walks into the main room. “Welcome home, Ajax.”

Zhongli lets me have my family moment as I hug my brothers (there are two here at the moment) and my sister, before finally reaching my mom. Zhongli stands awkwardly in the back, but he’s putting on a strong front, clearly trying to blend into the wall. I need to save him from this fate.

“Mom, siblings, this is my school friend, Zhongli. Zhongli, this is my mom and these are my siblings. There are too many to name, so you can make up your own names for them,” I walk over to him.

“Hey!” one of the brothers protests.

“Lovely to meet you, Zhongli,” my mother interrupts him. “When I heard my Ajax is bringing home a friend, I was incredibly surprised. He’s always alone! I lost hope he’d ever find a husband-”

“If I were to get married, it’d have a wife,” I interrupt.

“Sure, dear. Anyway, I’ve always worried for him, but you seem like a very nice young man, so thank you for being with us this winter,” my mom finishes.

“Thank you. It is lovely to meet you as well. It does surprise me Childe is lonely, however. He is often surrounded by friends at school,” Zhongli turns towards me questioningly.

“You’re just the most important friend,” I shrug.

“Gay ass,” Tonia whispers into my ear.

“Shut the hell up,” I whisper back.

“Ajax! Language!” my mom orders.

“But she just-”

“I’ll have none of that! Come help me with the pryaniki.”

“Can’t someone else help?”

“Ajax.”

“Fine.”

I send an apologetic look Zhongli’s way, but he only waves me off. I know that means that he’ll find some other way to entertain himself. Content, I follow my mother more willingly now.

—

Zhongli’s a hit with the kids, but I can tell he’s growing tired of their energetic company. My older brother arrived an hour ago, but he’s been in and out throughout the rooms helping prepare the house for the festivities. My oldest brother’s still off in college, so he won’t be visiting. This means everyone is here. But that’s not important, back to Zhongli being tired and me saving him:

“Want to go to town? I can show you around,” I say as I approach him.

“Oh, sure,” Zhongli nods, looking at me.

“But Ajaaaax we were just starting a game,” Teucer complains. “Lee was going to be a prince!”

I look at where the two had been playing on the floor. Zhongli sits criss-cross with perfect posture, holding onto a little doll that looks hastily made to look like him. A tiny rope ponytail hangs down the back of its cloth head, and it wears a brown dress probably made to look like Zhongli’s long coat.

In Teucer’s hand is a ginger doll wearing a gray dress, kinda like my coat.

“Is that the princess?” I ask, looking at the other doll.

“No, this is you, silly!” Teucer laughs. “Prince Zhongli and peasant Ajax are about to meet when Ajax comes to beg for money because his family is poor! He left his kingdom and walked for ages just for his siblings! Then, he met Zhongli on accident. He’s going to ask for money now, even though he’s secretly rich, but can’t tell us yet because he’s secret like that.”

“Wow, okay,” I shake my head.

“Yeah! Zhongli’s gonna fall in love with Ajax and they’re gonna share their money and then all the siblings will be princes and princesses-”

“Woah woah, married?”

“Obviously. Just like in real life!”

“Teucer, you’ve got the wrong impression.”

“C’mon! You both get embarrassed at contact, you look at each other a lot, you understand each other without speaking, you’re always talking about each other!” Teucer huffs. “Just now, Zhongli kept offering advice on how I could make Doll Ajax act more like the real one. He knows you better than I do!”

Zhongli averts eye contact, and I sigh, embarrassed.

“Teucer, I’m glad you’re trying to support me, but I’m not gay. There’s nothing for you to support. You can quit trying to make things up. Zhongli and I are friends,” I insist.

Teucer looks at me, blinking as if asking how serious I am.

“Didn’t you literally just ask him on a date?” Teucer points out. “The town is so tiny, there’s nothing to tour anyone around for. You just want to walk with him, right?”

Plan foiled.

But it’s not like it was a romantic plan! I just wanted to hang out with Zhongli in a friendly way. And also help Zhongli escape the multitude of games my family keeps asking him to partake in. I could feel his introvertedness all the way across the house.

That’s a thing many friends can feel, don’t get ideas.

Meanwhile, Zhongli looks at me curiously, asking the same question Teucer just did but nonverbally. I huff and grab Zhongli’s arm, hoisting him to his feet. Then I re-adjust to holding his hand and pull him towards the door. I toss his jacket at him, which he had expected and therefore catches it perfectly.

“We’re going to town for a tour now, Teucer. Tell the rest. And quit bothering Zhongli with your games for the rest of the night, alright? And stop teasing me!” I order as I open the door, my other hand still in Zhongli’s.

“You’re so gay Childe,” My eldest sibling mentions as he walks through the room.

“Shut up!” I shout as he disappears again through a separate door.

I sigh as me and Zhongli make our way outside and we begin our walk towards town.

“Why do they keep teasing me??” I stuff my face in Zhongli’s shoulder to control my anger.

“They are your siblings,” Zhongli reasons, patting my back comfortingly. “They’ll act in any way possible to get a reaction from their fellow siblings.”

“I have to end it before it gets even worse,” I pull away and look down the path with newfound confidence. “How can I convince them 100% I’m not gay?”

“Get a girlfriend. It shouldn’t be that hard, considering your looks,” Zhongli suggests.

“Yeah, all the girls my age in this town have already dated me. I doubt they’d want me back after years of being off in England,” I contemplate. “I need to do straight people things to show them I’m straight.”

“Like what?” Zhongli asks.

“Fishing, sports, buying manly stuff, owning a gun, I don’t know. I already do all these things, though,” I complain. “I’m literally the straightest person I know! Where are they getting these ideas? I really need them to stop teasing me as soon as possible.”

“Why? Is it impacting you this deeply?” Zhongli tilts his head and looks into my eyes.

“Well, it’s mostly because it’s hella embarrassing,” I meet his gaze with a blink. “I mean, I don’t want you witnessing my suffering!”

“Ah, no need to be embarrassed in front of me,” Zhongli squeezed my hand, which he still had been holding since we left. “We’re close friends, I shall not judge anything they say about you.”

“Thanks, man,” I smile. “Anyway, how were their torturous games?”

“Quite boring, to say the least. I honestly can not stand children these days. I’ve grown too old.”

“Same. I can’t keep up with those young whippersnappers anymore.”

“We can go be old men somewhere else, then.”

“Let’s buy a house in the tropics,” I suggest.

“Live there for the rest of our days,” Zhongli nods with a smile.

“Sounds nice,” I respond.

—

Apparently, holding hands and talking about living my life with Zhongli alone is considered gay. A few townsfolk witnessed it and the rumors spread quickly. I’m doomed. This is why I stick to my house and the woods, and I only enter town for grocery trips.

Now Zhongli’s going to be harassed too, and it’s all my fault. He won't ever want to come back to Russia and won’t want to see me again. Maybe he’ll be bewitched by the rumors and start believing their lies- unless I prove to them that I’m straight. Back to that plan it is.

I will do manly things and shout at them, without even any remorse, that I’m straight until they piss off. Yeah. What a great sibling I am.

Thus, at dinner three days before Christmas, I bring it up to the table.

“Ahem, everyone. I’d like to say something,” I announce.

They all stop passing around the mashed potatoes and chebureki to stare expectantly at me. Zhongli seems to know what’s up based on how he glances at my expression, smiles to himself, and goes back to his plate. Otherwise, everyone else has no idea.

“I’m straight,” I say proudly.

They all go back to eating.

“I’ll prove it!” I continue. “I’ve dated all the girls in town. I’ll show them to you so you know they’re real. They’ll confess that I did indeed kiss them-”

“TMI!” Tonia scrunches up her nose mid-bite of some salad.

“-and there will be no doubt in your little brains. And big brains, if you’re mom,” I nod at my mother, who’s been paying as much attention as the chebureki. “On New Year’s day you’ll be saying ‘wow, he’s the straightest guy I know!’. I dare you to convince me otherwise, but it’s futile, because I am confident in my abilities. Thank you.”

I sit back down and receive a small, polite applause from Zhongli as reassurance. At least I know he’ll help me prove them wrong.

“Here, I’ll take you up on that dare,” my older brother announces. “One. You mentioned those girls you dated? Huh, I wonder why you couldn’t make them stay? No further questions, your honor.”

He then turns back to his food, and I notice most of the table nodding in agreement. That was the shortest argument ever. How could everyone be so convinced with one sentence?

“I’ll be Childe’s defense attorney,” Zhongli speaks for the first time this dinner. “For one thing, whenever we visit cafés together every Friday afternoon, he orders sugary drinks to maintain high energy. As I recall, all of my gay friends drink straight black coffee. He is not like them in this sense.”

“...You literally just admitted that you two go on dates every week, and you know his order. Also, that’s a very weak point,” my brother shoots it down. “I know for a fact Ajax’s gay friend Scaramouche secretly loves sweet drinks. Also, we’re Russian. The most manly thing possible to do here is drink straight vodka and fight a bear. Childe drinking sweet drinks is the opposite of that, meaning you’re un-manly, meaning your gay.”

“I fight bears, though!” I insist.

“That’s because you’re genuinely insane, not straight,” Teucer waves his fork at me.

“Here’s our next piece of evidence. Bring the accused himself, Ajax aka Childe, to the stand,” my other brother orders.

I grumble and let him ask his questions.

“Describe your relationship with Zhongli,” he says.

“Zhongli and I are great friends,” I start, huffing at the uselessness of this all. “He's mentally and physically powerful, wise, and he always knows how to make the right decisions. I appreciate his advice and we're always there for each other. I enjoy spending time with him and learning from him about the world around us, he's one of the few people I can trust absolutely to do what is right and protect his friends and family. His wisdom and strength are a great asset to the school and I feel privileged to be one of his closest allies.”

“No further questions, your honor.”

The table uproars with shouts. My siblings are all verbally attacking me! What did I even do wrong? They’re insisting that my brother already won, and Zhongli’s trying desperately to defend me.

“ORDER, ORDER!” My mom yells. “We will have order in this court!”

My siblings calm down and I mumble as I lift a forkful of mashed potatoes to my mouth, ignoring the knowing taunting looks of my siblings and the slightly-amused smile on Zhongli’s face. He’s supposed to be on my side, not having fun! This is a serious trial.

“Jury, discuss,” my mom orders.

All of my siblings besides my older brother start talking amongst themselves.

“Have you reached a verdict?” my mother asks.

“He’s gay, and European!” Anthon announces.

Cue gasps.

“Wait but that’s not even the-”

“Shush, Ajax. A verdict has been reached. You are sentenced to life in Pride,” my mom bangs her spoon on the table like a hammer. “No bail.”

“I’ll show you all,” I stand. “I’ll prove you’re wrong, you’re just some crazy family who never believed in me! I’ve never liked a boy!”

“Childe, please sit down,” Zhongli gently grabs my hand and pulls me back into my chair.

I blush lightly and sit, mumbling an apology, thinking I may have disturbed him in my abrupt standing. Then I look up to see every single one of my family members giving me a knowing look.

I hate this family.

—

I spent a lot of time organizing a day of manly activities to do. I lay in my bed on my stomach, feet in the air, the lamp on at midnight while I scribble a to-do list on some paper. Zhongli sits on the other side of the bed, silently reading.

“What about hunting?” I suggest quietly, because everyone else is sleeping.

Zhongli glances over his book to observe me as I look over my shoulder at him.

“Well, both Ningguang and Venti are vegetarian, and Ganyu is vegan. I assume they are anti-hunting,” Zhongli provides.

“Perfect,” I smile and go back to my list. “What about hiring a female stripper?”

“...might be a bit much,” I can feel his smile.

“Ah,” I nod, deciding instead to leave the line blank. “Shopping?”

“Too gay.”

“...Knife shopping?”

“Xiao owns many knives.”

“Xiao’s Xiao.”

“True. Nevertheless, probably not. Beidou owns a knife too.”

“Then maybe shopping for attack rifles. Wait, that’s illegal.”

There’s silence for a bit before I grow stuck on planning and decide that my papers titled 37 things to do that aren’t gay are enough. I close up my folder and roll to a sitting position, leaning against the backboard. I know I won’t be able to sleep yet, so I try to think of anything to occupy my mind until I grow drowsy.

I look at Zhongli, and he quirks a brow at me. I eye his hair and he nods, closing his book in understanding. He shuffles so that his back faces me and he’s sitting in between my legs, and I undo his ponytail. I begin to tie his hair into a five-strand braid.

We’ve grown used to this habit over a while of spending sleepovers together. We both have excitable and active friends who hang out a lot, and we tend to get roped in. It’s how we got to know each other, being in the back of many sleepovers and avoiding people we hate. I was avoiding them because they were trying to drag me into a makeover, and Zhongli was just introverted.

Anyway, those experiences taught us many different activities to do when we were bored together. Braiding Zhongli’s hair was and still is my favorite. In turn, he likes to tell stories. It’s perfect that we can do them both at once.

Last few times we’d sat like this, I realized that I grew warmer and anxious. What used to be more relaxing was leaning towards uncomfortable, in a good way, however. I love spending time with Zhongli, it’s just that sometimes my mind wanders. What if I accidentally touch his cheek while gathering all his hair? What if he thinks I’m making a move?

Not like I’d make a move on a guy or anything, because I’m straight.

Scratch everything I just said. We’re perfectly comfortable with each other as friends, and there’s nothing anxious about braiding and telling stories. In fact, I’ll just tune into his story now, before I accidentally ramble about something else.

—

In the morning, my mom orders me, Zhongli, and Tonia to go to town and buy some groceries. She reasons, when I complain, that I need to go to use my hard-earned muscles to carry the groceries far. Zhongli needs to come to help me as well as experience the average Russian tiny-town day. Tonia is coming to babysit us, apparently.

As we walk, I decide to put my plan in action. I’ll convince one sibling at a time, and now that Tonia is here with us, Zhongli can help me convince her so she can tell the rest of the family of my utter straight-ness.

“Notice, Tonia, how I’m standing tall and manly-like, speaking slowly and manfully, and looking at people in the eyes in true manly fashion,” I say to Tonia randomly.

“Being slightly manly doesn’t make you straight,” Tonia rolls her eyes.

I mumble to myself and look ahead again. Why is she so hard to crack? WikiHow told me that those were the most Alpha male things to do to look manly. How could she not see how effective that is?

Later, as we grab groceries, I stand for a very long time in front of the Monster energy drink section, observing each flavor.

“What are you doing?” Tonia pokes at my shoulder.

“Well, I’m straight, so I have to give myself energy from outside sources,” I nod. “And Monster Energy is perfect for manly men.”

“Hey, Childe,” Zhongli greets as he walks over. “I saw some Vodka over there that was rainbow th-”

“Show me,” I turn to him in all seriousness, not a moment of hesitation.

He chuckles and grabs my upper arm, leading me to the alcohol section. I might have gotten a bit distracted staring at the healthy smoothies section, observing the types of tea, and trying to pick which type of water to get, but I eventually made it over and gasped.

“It’s so pretty!” I nearly scream. “I’ve never seen rainbow vodka!”

“Gay ass,” Tonia mutters.

On our way out of the store, I drag Zhongli to the antique shop, and we stare through the windows at the goods for a bit. When we’d gone on a tour yesterday, it was closed. It still is now, but why not look at the antiques through the windows?

“That coat rack would work great for our dorm,” Zhongli points out, his nose up against the glass.

“I need that old-timey camera,” I rest my forehead on the window, glaring at an antique accordion-looking camera-thingy.

Tonia just scoffs amusedly in the back.

Later, after we’ve fully finished with the town, I make sure to show off my muscles to Tonia on the path back home, because all the gay men I know are absolute twinks (Scara, Venti, Xingqiu, every other gay at school, etc.). Tonia doesn’t seem to care, though, and keeps pointing out other things.

“I mean, cool and all, I get that you go to the gym and that’s pretty straight of you (according to stereotypes, anyway), but literally look inside the grocery bag you’re holding,” Tonia says.

I glance inside the bag I’m carrying, noting the cabbage, steak, tomatoes, potatoes, and other necessary items mom asked me to grab.

“The other one. The unnecessary one,” Tonia grumbles.

Inside the other is the rainbow vodka, a few smoothies I bought, a gift for Zhongli I was trying to keep secret, and some random snacks I thought I’d like to try. Plus Lucky Charms because they were almost out and I hadn’t tried it in a while. And I also bought s’mores materials because why not.

“You literally bought rainbow Vodka and another gift for your ‘best friend’,” Tonia smirks. “I may be eight years old, but I know gay when I see it.”

“Childe,” Zhongli calls from ahead before I can argue.

I look up to see Zhongli, who has walked far ahead from us and waited while we catch up. The way the cold dusts his nose and cheeks with pink, and how his giant jacket makes him look like a marshmallow, makes me heat up and blush. He’s still elegant, yet so huggable.

“I just realized,” he says once we get close. “My earring must’ve fallen out along the way.”

I blink and immediately look behind me at the snow, but no shining amber earring catches my attention.

“Here,” I smile and set the groceries on the path.

I reach up to my own ear and take my right earring out and draw near to him, gently placing my own dangly earring in his left ear. I can hear his breath hitch at my closeness, and I try to force my own breathing to stay regular. This is just a normal friendly activity.

“Now we have matching earrings in our left ears,” I grin and pull away. “And you won’t feel like your ear’s lonely.”

“Ah, it was indeed feeling quite strange when I realized the earring had disappeared,” he touches the dangling earring in his ear. “Like I could feel it there despite its absence. I’m glad my ear is lonely no longer.”

“Tomorrow, I’ll try to find your original one,” I promise.

I grab the grocery bags again and fall into steady rhythm close to Zhongli’s side, talking to him animatedly.

“I think we dedicate two hours tomorrow morning to the search. We’ll cover the entire path, and then ask the store owner if he saw your earring,” I insist.

“You’re doing too much for one little earring, Childe,” Zhongli shakes his head. “I appreciate the sentiment; however, just let it go.”

“But Xiangshengggg,” I complain. “I want to help you find it! And if a crow stole it, then I can fight it. I haven’t had a good fight in a while.”

“I hardly think a fight with a crow would be enjoyable. Why don’t we spar once we get to your house?” Zhongli suggests, lifting a hand to my shoulder.

“Really?” I smile widely at him.

“Of course,” he smiles warmly. “I have yet to practice my polearm skills this vacation.”

“Maybe if I fight you, my siblings will think I’m super manly,” I think out loud.

“I was hoping we could simply enjoy a battle alone,” Zhongli mentions.

“Yeah, of course, but it’s just a side-plus, y’know?” I tilt my head. His hand’s still on my shoulder.

“Always thinking of all the positives,” Zhongli shakes his head.

He moves his arm lower so that it wraps around my waist from behind, and I lean my head on his shoulder to make sure he knows I appreciate his care.

Tonia stands in the back holding her phone ahead of her, silently recording our interaction, trying not to laugh.

—

Next morning, we start our fight. My siblings were trying to watch from the house’s windows, but because me and Zhongli wanted to be alone (mostly Zhongli, but I’ll do whatever he likes to make him comfortable), I find a clearing in the woods where they can’t stalk us.

I toss the two sticks I’m holding between my hands, while Zhongli stands in front of me with a long thin stick he’d found on the way here.

Ever since we met, we’ve been having regular duels with our own weapons of choice. I usually use two tiny sword-like weapons, but I’ve been practicing with a bow recently as well, just because I suck at it and want to try it out. We started a club at school, actually. There, we invite others to train with specialty weapons like us, and we have regular fights. We also serve tea to those waiting on their turn, as per Zhongli’s request.

Being the leaders, we end up fighting a lot, and we’ve grown used to each other’s moves. Our fights only grow more interesting as we develop new techniques to win. This time, I’m going to use the snow.

As I rush at Zhongli with my usual enthusiastic energy and he prepares to expertly dodge, I smile and skid around him, dodging first. I then scoop snow from the ground, and throw it towards his stupidly perfect hair.

He threw snow at me at the exact moment, and there’s a standstill while we continue to circle around the tiny clearing. How had he known I’d throw snow? How did he manage to gather snow in the mere seconds I was facing the other way?

Just the magical abilities of Zhongli’s amazingness, I presume.

The fight continues on as you’d expect: we send lunges at each other, occasionally sweating and panting at close combat. None of us landed a hit on each other until twenty minutes later, when he nicked my bicep.

Of course, it barely left a scratch, seeing as I’m wearing a thick hoodie and he’s wielding a literal stick, but it was enough to pump adrenaline through me again. My newfound energy was put into ruthless attacks, body-slamming Zhongli and forgetting my weapons in the end.

He smiles as he stumbles, and throws his stick to the side as well. We’re both enjoying the battle thus far, and now we know it’s nearing its end. But I know he won’t end without a flare, and I know he knows the same for me.

“Come at me,” I taunt, beckoning him over.

He doesn’t fall for it, so I spend not another second thinking about my next move and taking it. Quickly, I rush at him, headbutting him in the chest. He wraps his arms over my back and tries to swing me off, but I’ve already grabbed him, and we’re now westling.

When we exhaust, we collapse at the same moment into the snow, laying on our backs. The battle is over at a tie.

“I wonder if they’ll think I’m manly now,” I huff, trying to catch my breath.

“You’re amazingly manly, Childe,” Zhongli breathes.

“Aw, thanks,” I turn my head towards him.

“Doesn’t stop you from being gay,” Zhongli teases.

“Oh, not you too!” I groan, lifting my hands to my face.

“I’m only jesting,” Zhongli chuckles quietly, his breathing still uneven.

“Oh, I’m only jesting, oh ho ho,” I mock with a laugh, faking a posh British accent.

Zhongli responds by slapping snow in my face. He smiles as I spit the nasty snow out of my mouth and wipe it out of my eyes.

“Come on, we should get back,” Zhongli stands and offers a hand to me.

I take it and we start walking back, recovering from the exhaustion. Our arms are linked together, and we walk at a leisurely pace.

“I texted Xiao earlier. He says he is enjoying his time in Scotland with Venti,” Zhongli begins.

“Good,” I nod.

“Apparently he lost Venti for two hours at a castle. He’d managed to become stuck in a toilet,” Zhongli continues. “Xiao almost threw him off a cliff as punishment for making him panic.”

“Sounds like an average Venti moment,” I laugh.

Zhongli smiles in turn and we continue in comfortable silence, until we grow cold. The house is ten minutes away by the time Zhongli is actively shivering. Shit, I should’ve considered his lack of tolerance for the frigid air. Unlike England, we get snow very often and the temperatures drop tens of degrees at night.

Now that the sun’s setting, I understand his current state.

“Here,” I offer him my scarf, unraveling it with my free hand.

“But you never take it off,” Zhongli shakes his head, surprised.

“It’s fine,” I shrug, still offering it to him. “Yes, I don’t take it off. But I’m handing it to you. You’re like… an extension of me, because we’re such close friends. Therefore, I’m not actually taking it off.”

“Your logic is flawed,” Zhongli grabs the scarf. “But thanks.”

He begins to wrap it around himself, but he does it the stylish European way. I sigh and stop walking, moving in front of him. He pauses as well. I unwrap the scarf, our noses are nearly touching. I re-wrap it the useful way, he is warm and his eyes are on me. I tie it tight so it actually serves its purpose, he’s blushing and I’m trying not to.

After I’m done, I step back and nod at him approvingly, offering a smile. He sends me a hesitant smile back, still hued pink.

We wrap our arms together once again as if it’s an automatic action, and then we continue our way through the snow. Eventually, we make it back, but we haven’t talked much. I guess he still must be caught on the fact that I lent him my scarf and stood so close to him. It’s just a friend thing, yk yk.

Right?

—

It’s after dinner that night, which was notably more elaborate due to it being Christmas Eve, when there’s yet another incident of my siblings calling me gay for no particular reason.

I’m listening to my playlist and singing along, like every teenager does, while Zhongli lays on his stomach next to me. We’re snuggled pretty close and playing Pyroboy and Hydrogirl on my school laptop while the playlist goes on.

“They're so pretty, it hurts,” I sing. “I’m not talking ‘bout boys, I’m talking ‘bout girls.”

Zhongli hums along with me, providing some bass for harmonization, while we both work on one of the final puzzles. When I’m at my house for vacations such as these, I tend to find myself holing up in my room and avoiding my siblings. Because I’m usually alone, I’ve taken to completing a lot of video games. Now that Zhongli’s here, I’m resorting to multiplayers. I’m glad he’s also okay with hiding in the room.

“Childe, why are you listening to Girl in Red?” a voice interrupts our peace.

It’s Teucer and my older brother, with my mom down in the background clearly eavesdropping from the living room of our tiny house.

“Because I want to. Why not?” I mumble, still waiting for Zhongli to catch up to me on his side of the dungeon.

“It’s the gayest shit there is,” Teucer remarks.

“Language,” my brother and my mom call at the same time.

“No it isn't!” I finally face them. “If anything, this song proves I’m straight. It literally specifies that they’re singing about girls, not boys!”

“But it’s a girl singing,” Teucer says.

“And? I’m not a girl. Therefore for my situation, it’s a straight song that proves I am only talking about girls,” I lift a finger matter-of-factly.

“That’s not how it works. It’s the fact that the song is gay in itself that makes you even gayer than I imagined! Plus, literally look at yourself right now, how is there anything straight about that?” My brother looks exasperated.

I observe the way I’m close up to Zhongli, my right hand and his left hand gently laid over the WASD and arrow keys respectively. Our legs are intertwined and resting on the bed behind us. A thin blanket is strewn over both of us without much effort, seeing as I had one hand to do it. Isn’t this what friends do? I’m confused now.

My brother seems to notice my confused expression and only sighs.

“This denial isn’t healthy,” he says, and then he leaves.

“Yeah,” Teucer nods and huffs, turning on his heel and imitating his brother.

“Tartaglia,” Zhongli taps the back of my hand. “How does this work again?”

I smile and laugh, showing him yet again the functions of the new puzzle system for this temple. He’s never been the best with technology, but I’ve always showed him the basics.

After a second, we get back in our rhythm again, just as the song ends and Lemon Boy by Cavetown comes on. I start singing again, and Zhongli hums like before. What could possibly be not-straight about this?

Maybe the way we’re so close, and the blanket feels like fire on my already heated skin. Maybe it’s because our faces are so close that when I glance at him, I can see every imperfection on his face, from a freckle to a miniscule scar. Maybe it’s how we meet eyes that’s giving my siblings this impression; maybe it’s the way we keep our eye contact and observe every detail of each other’s irises.

I blink and turn back to the game, blushing at the thought. Then I scold myself in my head. This is what friends do. I can’t fall for their stupid ideas… no, yeah. I’m right. No doubt I’m straight.

No doubt. At all.

—

“Happy christmas, Xiangsheng,” I mumble sleepily from where I lay next to him in the bed.

“Merry Christmas,” he responds quietly.

I open my eyes to see his a few feet away, a gentle smile gracing his lips. It’s about five in the morning, and we’ve both woken at the same time, as usual. I waste no time in wishing him a good morning before stretching and sitting up.

I then trust him to turn around as I change into a T-shirt and keep my pajama pants on. When I face him again, he’s finished changing into his own clothes as well. I’m instantly taken aback. He’s wearing a Christmas sweater.

“Your mom gave it to me,” Zhongli says quietly (we’re both staying quiet to keep the rest of the house asleep).

“She gives us all sweaters,” I roll my eyes. “We aren’t the damn Weaselys, we don’t have to wear them.”

“I want to,” Zhongli insists.

“Doesn’t your perfect sensitive skin rash when it touches literally anything itchy?” I ask.

“No, it’s alright,” Zhongli replies. “You should wear yours.”

“Mine’s three years old and probably moth-eaten,” I shake my head no.

“Do it for the sentiment,” Zhongli walks over.

I huff and remain stubborn. He stands close and casual, looking me in the eyes.

“Do it for me?” he suggests.

I’m not giving in. That is what I think, anyway, until he sighs and walks over to my closet.

“Wait, don’t go in there!” I raise my voice a bit over a whisper.

“I’ll find it myself if you don’t,” Zhongli opens the closet door. “You should appreciate what your mother made you.”

I try to remember what’s in my closet. It’s been years since I opened it. All my middle school obsessions are going to be revealed, oh shit. It’s too late.

“What’s this?” Zhongli asks.

He’s holding a book. It’s a romcom, one that I’d stolen from my mom’s stash and read in my younger days. It was a story of a knight and a princess, and I’d always imagine myself as the knight, protecting others. God that phase was embarrassing. I used to bow to Tonia and offer her my hand, calling her ‘m’lady’ like it wasn’t cringy. My romance and knight phase. I’m going to kill myself.

“And this?” Zhongli’s smile is growing.

Now he’s pulling out my ancient obsession: martial arts. I’m still, obviously, into that- but not like I was all those years ago. He’s holding my nunchucks. The most embarrassing part of my martial arts phase.

Next, he brings out a poster. Slowly unraveling it, it’s another thing from my knight and chivalry theme. A giant castle with a knight in shining armor facing a flaming dragon in the foreground. Even worse, I’d cut a photo of my face and glued it onto the knight’s head. I bury my face in my hands and turn away, unable to face my past.

It’s silent for a bit, so I turn to see what Zhongli’s doing now. He’s pulled out my ukulele, and with it was my folder of sheet music. He raises a brow at me, smiling gently as he observes the music I had been playing back then. I believe that was my 7th grade thing, after the knights, romance novels and martial arts, yet before my yet-to-be-mentioned systema (which is a Russian martial art involving techniques from hand-to-hand combat to knife fights) phase.

“That’s enough, man, stop before you make me combust,” I move to stand next to him and close the door. “I’ll find the sweater myself.”

“As you wish,” Zhongli shakes his head thoughtfully.

I’m bright red as I stuff my old things away again and begin my search for the ancient sweater. I pause, though, when I hear the unraveling of another poster behind me. Zhongli has somehow found yet another poster, and this one is the one I really didn’t want him to see. I remember it clearly, mostly because it was my most recent one.

It was of a Russian ballerina, beautiful and pristine, in the middle of a complicated move. I used to stare at it before bed while it hung up on my wall.

“I used to want to be a dancer,” I admit painfully as Zhongli observes it. “I had all the videos and tutorials saved. I had memorized many different ballet parts.”

“That’s strangely fitting,” Zhongli says at last. “I must admit, I’d love to see you dance.”

I instantly feel incredibly hot and itchy, and I’m sure my skin is flaming red.

“No, you don’t want to see. It was embarrassing, something I was obsessed with as a kid,” I wave my hand dismissively.

“Says here that the poster is only four years old,” Zhongli sends me a gentle smile.

I rub the back of my neck and turn away. A second later, though, I feel hands on mine. I turn to see Zhongli right in front of me with a comforting expression.

“I’d love to see you dance someday,” he repeats.

“But that’s a girl thing,” I shake my head stubbornly.

“Plenty of boys dance,” Zhongli responds.

“Yeah, horribly,” I snort, trying to ease the tension.

“But you can do anything in an amazing manner, if you try,” Zhongli insists. We’re both too stubborn.

“Why are you insisting on it? It was just a phase,” I divert the topic. “Let’s just find the ugly damn sweater so you think I appreciate my mom and be done.”

“If you so insist,” Zhongli lets go of my hands. “But know that I’ll expect a performance some day. You dancing might be the most amazing thought ever conjured in my mind.”

He looks at me with a slight blush and an expectant gaze, his laugh-lines still slightly visible from when he smiled earlier, his eyes twinkling with sincerity and amusement at once. My earring is twinkling in the lamp light, and his hair is illuminated by the ghost of a rising sun reflecting off the snow outside the window.

Shit, I think I’m gay.

I gulp and nod silently. He nods as well, and then turns towards my closet. We both manage to find the sweater, but turns out it’s way too small. We leave it in the closet and decide to move on as if nothing happened. He appears to, anyway.

My mind is focused on other things.

—

When the house finally wakes up, we all huddle beside the hand-cut christmas tree and pass around presents. We’re not particularly religious, but why not celebrate Christmas, right? It’s a fun time with family. When you have the capacity to enjoy it, anyway. Currently, I’m still thinking about things.

Zhongli is so hot. I can’t stop thinking about it since this morning. He’s so caring and kind and supportive without even a second thought. He’s the closest person to me, even closer than my childhood friends like Scara and Signora, who I’ve known for a decade each.

No, focus. It’s Christmas with my family. I should be enjoying myself. But I’m kinda fixated on the way Zhongli’s arm is wrapped around my middle, like it usually is. It feels strange now. Even nicer than usual, plus a noticeable surplus of warmth.

We’ve been sitting like this for half an hour as my siblings open presents. We’re kind of off to the side, sitting so close our sides are pressed together. I draped a blanket over our shoulders, and we’ve just been observing the family and chatting together.

Maybe the blanket was a bad idea. I’m growing too warm, and suddenly my crossed legs are sweating due to our proximity. I hate this realization that maybe what I and Zhongli have is more than friendship. It’s made me a bit too awkward.

“Here,” my mom hands me a present.

I grin, using my expert pretending skills to push away the thoughts of the heat, and accept the present with energy.

“Thanks, mom,” I rip open the present.

It’s mittens. Mom always handmakes presents for each of us plus father. I usually don’t use anything she makes me, but I never have the heart to admit it to her. Especially when the mittens are rainbow-themed.

“That’s all the normal presents,” announces Anthon. “It’s Childe present time!”

Under a separate corner of the tree sits a large pile of neatly wrapped presents I had spent a few scattered hours of the trip working on perfecting. It’s a tradition for my family to save all my presents for last because they were always the most expensive and there were a ton of them.

As my siblings go around and accept presents from me, all excited to try their new toys or foreign delicacies, I feel a nervous energy grow in my chest. I have two presents of Zhongli, and while I’m confident in my knowledge of his likes and dislikes, I’m uncharacteristically nervous nonetheless.

When it’s finally his turn, I hand him both his presents, and he smiles gently.

Carefully, he unwraps the bigger one. My family seems to be holding their breath. I shoot them all a glare; what, were they expecting something specific? Why were they acting strange?

“It’s a traditional Russian tea. I called up all your friends to be sure you haven’t tried it yet,” I explain as he observes the fancy box. “Bought it at town the day we went shopping.”

Opening it, he gives the inside a smell, and sends me a smile that warms my heart.

“That’s very kind of you, Childe,” Zhongli sets it aside.

He opens the other one, and once again my family leans forward from their spots on the floor and couch, holding their breath.

“What are you guys expecting?” I turn to face them with a confused expression.

“It’s the perfect size for an engagement ring box,” Tonia whispers while Zhongli unwraps the package.

“I can’t with you guys,” I shake my head and face my friend again.

He’s, once again, smiling his perfect gentle formal smile. This present is an earring.

I may or may not have snuck out late at night to patrol down the path towards town in search of Zhongli’s missing earring. When my phone’s flashlight finally lit up the glimmering earring’s jewel piece, I remember smiling so brightly at the thought of giving it back to Zhongli that my cheeks hurt afterwards.

“How and when?” He asks.

“Nearly one in the morning, the night you lost it,” I grin.

I manage to find a distraction from my sexuality crisis by getting lost in his smile.

“Oh, and on top of all that, I promise that once we get back to Britain, we spend a while in London. I’ll buy you whatever you want until we reach the school again,” I lean forward, getting a better view of his face from a lower angle.

He’s blushing. It makes me blush. I can feel my family’s eyes on me while Zhongli lifts it up to his empty ear, keeping my own earring in his other one, not making to replace it.

“No need to spoil me, Tartaglia,” Zhongli shakes his head with a smile one he’s installed it. “You do too much.”

“Never enough for you,” I point out.

“I have to admit, my present has much less sentimental value,” Zhongli looks a bit self-conscious now.

It’s unsaid, but I know he knows I’ll enjoy anything he gets me, so he makes no excuses to explain his present in case there could possibly be any other outcome. I watch as he pulls on a book-shaped present, which is obviously a book, for obvious reasons. We’ve all had them.

We’re leaning close when I open it to see the cover. There are actually two books inside the package.

The top on is an image of us together, and it looks like a memory album. I flip through a few pages, and there are images of the two of us along with a few school friends. There are images of us from this trip, too. He must’ve commissioned some siblings to take pictures, or he’d snuck a few himself. My heart skips a beat.

The other book is a guide to various martial arts techniques, mostly China-centric. I flip through it as well, and can already tell this’ll keep me occupied for a while.

“Thank you,” I lean my head into his shoulder naturally, ignoring my spiked heart rate which I only now realize might be a bit strange.

A moment later, Zhongli becomes lost in thought as he typically does, his free hand twiddling with his earring, and I take that as a chance to address my family’s silentness.

“What?” I ask them, deadpanning.

“Do you finally admit your gayity?” Anthon’s young voice asks.

“No,” I say automatically.

“Sure…” my older brother squints at me judgingly.

“I am not gay,” I insist.

I don’t believe that anymore, I realize. But I need to go back to convincing them and myself, just out of stubborn pride. I can’t let them win, even if I’m now realizing how Zhongli is the hottest person on earth and I wouldn’t mind being held by him like this for the rest of my life.

“Hey, Childe,” Zhongli breaks from his trance. “...Would you mind spending spring break with me in China?”

I can’t help but blush and turn my gaze to him.

“Um, yeah, sure,” I nod. “...bro.”

My family breaks their silence and starts viciously laughing all at once.

“Gay ass!” Teucer shouts.

“Teucer, Language!”