Chapter Text
After Sam’s dad came back, Sam had been spending almost every day at Sebastian’s house: specifically in Sebastian’s room. At least, until Sebastian started acting weird around him.
In the months leading up to Kent’s return, Sam’s mother had spent a lot less time with him and his brother. She would insist that they leave, and Sam would take Vincent out of the house on the days his younger brother didn’t have his lessons with Penny. They’d come back home to her puffy face, sorrowful eyes, and the questionable hope she gave Vincent when he asked about when their father was coming home. Sam played along when she explained it away with allergies. It was easy to blame it all on built up sinus pressure from the pollen spreading through the air. The two of them were able to save face around Vincent, but there were a lot more mornings of instant pancakes and frozen pizza dinners in the weeks leading up to his father’s return.
With his dad back home, the energy of Sam’s home changed. At first, it felt as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. There was relief, the utter joy of being reunited with his dad again after him being gone for so long.
Then there was the new way his father acted.
He was much more jumpy, much more quiet. He had less enthusiasm than Sam or his mother did for the things Vincent got up to. His father hardly felt like the same man that left them. Sam heard screaming coming from his parents’ room some nights. It lasted weeks before his dad started disappearing every other Thursday. It was none of Sam’s business though, not until he overheard his mom mention something about what a therapist said to his dad, something about deep breaths and counting, when he stumbled upon them in the kitchen one quiet night.
Sam wasn’t woken up by screams as often anymore, but he still found himself tossing and turning at night. His dad coming back home was only one of many recent developments that plagued his mind. The Spring finished with its annual flourish, but the relief of summer on his senses was relatively short-lived. There was no longer the pollen or as much of the responsibility he had for his younger brother, but Sam still found himself settled with new symptoms and issues nonetheless.
It started on a rather sweltering day during one of their band’s jam sessions, though it was hardly a band at that point. It was only him and Sebastian, alone in Sam’s stuffy room, trying to find a good riff for the middle of their new song.
Sebastian had long since taken his pullover off, but his white undershirt was quickly becoming rather damp with sweat. The temperature was quite high in Sam’s room, despite the open windows and the fan by the cracked open door. Sam was sitting in bed tuning his guitar when Sebastian stepped away from his keyboard and flopped down beside him. From the moment Sebastian sat down next to him, Sam noticed that he was incredibly warm. Sebastian pulled his shirt away from his chest repeatedly, apparently trying to fan himself with it.
He groaned all at once, lifting his shirt and wiping away at his sweaty face with it. Sam’s eyes were attracted to the movement immediately, unconsciously. He found his gaze trailing down to where it all started, where Sebastian’s skin was first laid bare in front of him: Sebastian’s waistline. His skin was pale, but that much was to be expected. It was the suppleness of his stomach, the patch of hair that trailed downward, and the small drops of sweat rolling down his chest that kept Sam’s attention. His fingers paused, frozen in place on the tuning pegs. Sam stared intently, unmoving up until Sebastian’s shirt fell back down over his stomach.
It was wrinkled, all but see-through from being damp. Sam looked back up to Sebastian’s face, just for Sebastian to let out an oblivious laugh and fall back in Sam’s bed with his arms spread out. His cheeks were a deep pink, his hair damp and sticking to his forehead as his eyes closed and he fanned his face and started talking. Sam looked down at him, breathing shakily. He swallowed, the sound louder in his ears than he would’ve ever expected. Alongside it was the sound of his own fast and heavy heartbeat and an intense, prickling warmth spreading across the surface of his skin.
“Yoba, it is so fucking hot in here.” Sebastian’s words finally breached the little bubble Sam was in. Sam blinked and cleared his throat.
“Yeah, yeah, it is,” He mumbled as he finally tore his eyes away. That time was only the first of many. It kept happening after that. Sebastian would do something entirely normal for him to do, and Sam would be entirely captivated by it. He would play something impressive on his keyboard and look up at Sam with this proud grin, the same grand expression he gave Sam after beating him by a long shot in a game of pool. He’d laugh at some awful joke Sam made, his smile wide and his hand on Sam’s shoulder, either clutching it or playfully smacking it because of how bad the joke was. Sam didn’t know what to do with himself, or how to deal with the intensity of these strange new feelings.
It all came together for Sam one rainy fall day.
The two of them were standing by the lake near Sebastian’s house, passing a joint back and forth. Sam had gotten stuck on the sight of Sebastian’s lips, glistening and wet in the light of the bud as he brought it to his lips beneath their hardly functioning umbrella. Perhaps the umbrella deserved more credit, considering that the reason the two of them were wet was that Sam had dropped it at some point. The rain was so heavy that day that they were soaked within seconds, but they remained outside nonetheless.
Sam watched Sebastian lick his lips, biting down on them before he exhaled in a huff of smoke. His skin appeared as though it was glistening. The tiny grin playing on his lips did nothing to help. Sam snapped out of it when Sebastian held the blunt out in front of him.
He smirked, head tilted, when he asked, “What’re you thinking about?” Sam’s face flushed almost immediately. His saving graces were the cold chill in the air and the low visibility through the heavy rain. Sam looked away as Sam took the joint and simply held it.
“Uh,” He said quickly, “remember, uhm, when we used to go frog hunting out here?” Sam hit the blunt quickly, taking in deep breaths to stave off and hopefully calm the butterflies in his stomach. They hadn’t gone frog hunting in years if Sam’s memory served him right. Sebastian’s face lit up, his grip on the umbrella faltering as he turned to Sam and put his hand on Sam’s shoulder.
“Dude, we totally should. Like, right now.” Sebastian all but shook Sam, who was caught off guard so much that he let out a cough as the smoke breached his lungs. Sam chuffed, but Sebastian’s wild grin never faltered. It took another few seconds for Sam’s brain to register that.
“You serious?” Sam asked, his brows creased minutely. Sebastian nodded, letting out a chuckle so high-pitched that one might describe it as a giggle. His hand fell, grabbing Sam’s wrist and then clinging onto his hand.
Sebastian’s hand was sticky with rain and sweat, but warm. It should’ve felt gross, the way their dampened fingers rubbed against each other, and yet Sam couldn’t but smile and let himself be pulled along.
“Oh, wait, hold on,” Sebastian stopped abruptly and let go of Sam’s hand to close the umbrella. He shook it to get the rain out, out of habit, then laughed at himself once he realized how useless that was. It was still pouring down overhead, the rain had soaked them down to the bone by that point. Sam was left staring at him. The blunt in his other, colder hand had long since been forgotten and had nearly burned out altogether. Sam sucked in a breath through his teeth when it reached the tips of his fingers, dropping it and stepping on it with the eroded soles of his shoes to put it out entirely.
Sebastian left the umbrella leaning against a tree and walked back over to Sam with that smile his face. Sebastian grabbed Sam’s hand, ignorant of the effects it had on him. He pulled Sam’s arm too quickly, too roughly, and unexpectedly for Sam to be snapped out of his stupor in time. He couldn’t stop himself from sliding his heel into a puddle of muddy loose dirt.
It happened in an instant. His legs slipped out from beneath him and he fell face-forward. He reached out quickly and his hands gripped at the first thing they reached, which just so happened to be the front of Sebastian’s pullover. Sebastian’s legs went to Sam’s sides and he fell on his back. The only thing that stopped Sam from knocking all of his front teeth out of his mouth or breaking his nose was a face-plant directly into Sebastian’s stomach.
“I totally just saved your life!” Sebastian shouted once the initial shock of their fall wore off, chuckling wholeheartedly. One of his arms clutched his stomach in the spot where Sam landed on it while his hand was placed on Sam’s cheek.
Fingers wormed their way into his damp hair. Sebastian tilted Sam’s head up, looking him over as his groans of pain shifted into something giddy brewing in his chest. Sebastian merely held onto Sam’s cheek, staring straight into his eyes. It was almost as if he was looking for something. Sam felt his face grow warm for the umpteenth time as he stared right back wordlessly. Sam scrunched up his nose with a moan of pain, supporting his weight on elbows that dug into the mud on either side of Sebastian’s body.
“Are you alright?” Sebastian questioned as he turned Sam’s head this way and that way to check him over for injuries. Sam only looked down at Sebastian as the rain pelted the two of them, watching Sebastian’s facial features twitch when the water droplets landed a little too close to them, his hair clinging to his face. His nose scrunching up was certainly a sight. Sebastian then wiped at his face with the sleeve on his inner elbow, which finally broke their eye contact.
It felt as though a spell was lifted and Sam could finally move. Sam snickered, despite trying to hold his breath and stay still, before he finally broke down. His face was buried into Sebastian’s stomach as he laughed breathlessly, hysterically, against him. He felt Sebastian’s arms wrap around his neck. He felt the rumble of laughter in Sebastian’s chest as the two of them fought to catch their breaths in the cold and pouring rain.
They both got sick afterward. Rolling around in the mud and rain tended to do that to people. But that memory cemented itself into Sam’s mind, etched itself into his heart. That evening gave him the final diagnosis. What Sam was feeling was almost certainly a crush. He had all but admitted it to himself. It only took another few weeks of Sam fawning over him, thinking about Sebastian when he should’ve been focused on something else, and the recollection of the moments where Sam just couldn’t look away from him, for Sam to finally accept the fact that he may or may not have been in love with his best friend.
He considered bringing up the intensely sudden feelings he’d had since late Spring with Abigail. She was his only other close friend in the valley, after all, she would understand, he thought. But it never came up. Sam would try to bring it up around her and the words would get stuck in his throat, the room always got unbearably hot and he would feel breathless. He always changed the subject after that.
He very briefly considered talking to his mother about it. He thought about bringing up to his dad what to do about the feelings stirring in his chest. Those were things people talked to their parents about, right? He wasn’t sure. He’d never had a crush before. There was no one around to crush on exactly, except people he always saw exclusively as his friends or his family.
Should he drop hints to Sebastian that he liked him? What hints should he drop? How would Sebastian feel about having that sprung on him all of a sudden? How exactly does one drop hints about something like that?
“Hey, Seb, I know we’ve been friends since we were kids, but for the past few months I haven't been able to stop thinking about what it’d be like to kiss you—“ No, that wasn’t happening. Not anytime soon, and probably not ever.
Despite all of his internal conflict and plans of confessing to someone, anyone, somehow and someway, he wound up having a conversation about Sebastian with Alex of all people.
Sam was rolling past Pierre’s on the bumpy stone walkway leading up to the community center, up the mountain, and towards Sebastian’s house.
He sniffled, but not from allergies. The cold weather of the winter season did that to him, especially since he was too stubborn to wear anything more than a tee shirt and a jacket. He wiped at his runny nose and looked into the sky in the distance. There wasn’t a single visible cloud, but the world was shrouded in white snow and dimness nonetheless.
A pebble on the ground got caught under the wheel of his skateboard and sent Sam leaning forward just enough for him to have to stop and collect himself. Unfortunately, his near-fall seemed to have caught the attention of a boy standing outside with a football in his arms.
“Hey, man! How’s it going?” Alex started with a wave, and Sam was dragged into the usual humble-braggy conversation with Alex where one party in particular seemed like he paid little attention to the other person’s responses. Sam didn’t know how they got to the topic of his band, but the look on Alex’s face when he started talking about it almost seemed interested. Sam kept talking, up until he got to the part of explaining how Abigail had joined recently. Alex gave him a strange smile, then the conversation shifted to Abigail.
Alex started talking about her, then started talking about how few girls there were in town or something of the like. Sam’s head was beyond the clouds at that point as he started thinking about when his and Sebastian’s next Solarion Chronicles: The Game session.
“Yeah, no, plus Sebastian totally has a crush on her.” Sam zoned back into the conversation when he’d heard both “Sebastian” and “crush” in the same sentence.
“Who?” Sam said, shifting his weight onto the edge of his skateboard incorrectly and flipping it right into his shin. He winced and sucked a sharp breath in through his teeth. Alex looked at Sam like he was the biggest fool he’d ever met.
“Abigail, duh.” Alex prattled on, “Why else would he want her in your band so bad?” Alex continued, giving him reason after reason that Sebastian probably (definitely) had a crush on her. Sam managed to effectively tune him out, but he’d already mentally started to make himself feel like an idiot.
It was this encounter that made Sam realize his feelings for Sebastian shouldn’t ever be confessed. Not because either of their parents would disapprove of it, not because they were incompatible with each other, not for any other reason but the fact that it would completely ruin what they already had. And Sam wouldn’t trade their friendship for anything else in the world.
“Yeah, that makes sense,” He replied absentmindedly and with a downcast look in his eyes, “Listen, Alex, I gotta go. I’m hanging out with Seb today. I’ll see you later.” Sam gave him a forced smile and a wave as he turned his back to him and made his way back to the incline beside Pierre’s.
The rest of the short walk to Sebastian’s house felt exhausting. While it was true that he had no prior plans to confess to Sebastian, it still felt as though whatever hope Sam had of being with him was dashed now. There was no reason for Sam to believe Sebastian liked him back or enjoyed being with him in any capacity beyond their friendship. And even that had been called into question lately, what with how many times Sebastian was too busy with “work” to do much of anything with Sam recently.
But it was fine. This time, it didn’t take Sam several calls to finally get a hold of him. Sebastian had actually invited him over, which hadn’t happened in what felt like forever. Usually they either met at Sam’s house. Lately, though, it would take barging into Sebastian’s room for the two of them to spend time together. Of course, that was excluding all the time they spent together normally doing their group activities, but spending one-on-one time with him was incredibly different than when Abigail was there. Sam enjoyed her company. They had always been a trio, since all three of them were kids. But being alone with Sebastian had grown to be something entirely different.
It felt strange that Sam only realized how much Sebastian occupied his time when Sebastian was not in his life as much anymore. When Sebastian was busy, Sam did nothing but wait until he was free to hang out.
Finally, Sam walked into Sebastian’s house with a smile on his face. Deep down, it felt phony of him.
“Hey, Sam, how’re you doing?” Robin beamed at him the moment he was inside. Her desk was littered with paperwork, stacks upon stacks of it. Sam didn’t envy her for even a second. He gave her a subdued half-smile and a tiny wave.
He already knew where Sebastian would be. Just to the right of the front door and down the stairs was his best friend, his one and only crush. Sam pushed the door open with a tiny huff, eyes immediately scanning the room for any sign of him.
“Hey,” Sebastian muttered from the corner of the room where his computer was set up. He didn’t look up from the screen, didn’t give Sam any gesture of acknowledgment.
It had been that way for a few weeks. They spent their time physically together, in the same room as each other, but they didn’t do much of anything except their respective things. Sebastian was disengaged from anything but his comic books or his computer. He seemed indifferent around Sam, even at band practice.
Sam didn’t even respond to the flat greeting, he just plopped himself down onto the couch and lounged. He was quick to occupy himself in the silence. He took his handheld console out of his pocket while Sebastian returned to whatever it was he was doing on his computer.
“I’m working on a project I should’ve started a long time ago,” Sebastian stated with an exhaustive huff, flashing Sam a quick and disingenuous smile, “shouldn’t take me too much longer.” Sam had only hummed in understanding.
That evening, time passed much quicker than either of them would have expected. Entire hours flew by. They would’ve seen it coming, had they not been so absorbed in themselves at that moment. Sam only barely managed to distract himself from the butterflies in his stomach by playing his game, but Sebastian seemed to be dealing with something entirely different. The entire time Sam was there, Sebastian was glued to that computer of his: working, working, and working.
Sam would catch the occasional odd glimpse of him from behind the screen. Sebastian’s eyes were bloodshot, and beneath them were puffy pink bags. His cheeks seemed somewhat sunken in. Sam briefly wondered if he was sick. Sebastian seemed to notice him staring. He tilted his head and looked at Sam dead in the eyes momentarily. Sam quickly looked elsewhere. He checked the time on his console, needing to look anywhere but at Sebastian, who seemed to have gone back to work on his computer.
“Dang it.” Sebastian heard from the couch. He would’ve assumed it was related to whatever game Sam was playing if it weren’t for the way Sam started to shuffle and all but jumped off the couch. Sebastian straightened his posture with an exhale and looked up from his keyboard, leaned to the side, and peeked past his bulky computer once more.
“What’s up?” He asked. Sam stopped, running a hand through his hair. His face twisted into a disappointed expression as Sebastian peered back at him.
“I should’ve headed home a while ago.” His hand moved backward, pushing blond locks out of his face, “I told my mom I’d be home for dinner tonight. She said she never sees me anymore, acts like I live here now.” He chuckled, sliding the last of his things into the pockets of his jacket and throwing up two fingers.
“See ya, Seb,” Sam mumbled as he walked out the door. Sam flashed Sebastian a smile, and then he was gone before Sebastian could even tell him goodbye.
He wasn’t sure what it was that put him in such a hurry to leave. His mom did want him home early, and that was true. But something about the atmosphere in Sebastian’s room felt stifling that day. It was far too quiet. Something felt very off. Sebastian seemed to have nothing to say to him, and Sam was too anxious to start any sort of conversation himself. It almost felt like Sebastian didn’t want him there.
Sam sped up the stairs and found Robin looking at him wearily from the doorway of the lab.
“I sure hope you’re not plannin’ on leaving anytime soon,” Her tone was a warning, accompanied by a knowing smile. But by then, Sam’s hand had already reached the doorknob.
“Why not–?” He asked as he pulled it open for himself.
He was cut off by a crash of lightning outside, so bright that it could’ve been right in front of him. By the closeness of the intense flash and the cracking sound in his ears, it very well could’ve been just outside. The sounds of the torrential downpour outside finally reached his ears. Sam wasn’t sure how he hadn’t heard it before. Beyond the rain, the sky was the darkest he’d ever seen in the valley. It contrasted with the bright white inches of snow that had piled up outside of the door. It was almost impossible to see out there.
“Shut the door, Sam!” Robin shouted over the rain. Sam was quick to listen to her once the shock wore off. He quickly slammed it shut.
“Sorry, sorry,” He muttered, face twisted into a grimace. The rain had already soaked through his jacket. He silently thanked Yoba for the inner lining of his pockets being waterproof.
“You’d better stay a little while,” Robin replied, eyes glancing toward the basement door as if to direct him there. Sam’s shoulders fell as he took off his jacket, draped it over his forearm, and made his way back into Sebastian’s room.
“Dude,” Sam said, pinching the bridge of his nose and rubbing at his face as he walked back into that dreaded room, “it’s pouring down so bad outside that it sounds like hail.” As if to punctuate his sentence, the strike of heavy thunder rattled the walls of Sebastian’s bedroom. Lights flickered nauseatingly overhead.
In the corner of the room, Sebastian’s computer monitor shut off and then on again in sync with the lights. Sebastian, sitting in his bed, ran over to it with wide eyes. He watched as it booted back up to display only a blank screen. He slammed the palms of his hands against his desk in desperation as the lights finally stayed on.
“No, no, no!” He yelled exasperatedly, “Shit, fuck!” So much work, all gone in an instant. Sam stood still near the door, watching on with a sympathetic expression. Sebastian buried his face into his hands and sat there for a second, unmoving and completely silent. He lifted his head and looked at Sam, eyes suspiciously glossy. He let out a throaty sound, rubbing his cheeks as he took a few exaggeratedly deep breaths.
“So, are you staying the night here?” Sebastian asked finally. Sam was caught off guard. He didn’t think the rain would last that long. But then again, he didn’t think it would rain at all.
“I might have to unless I wanna walk in the rain.” Sam hesitated, sitting back down on the couch and throwing his wet jacket beside himself, “Only as long as it’s cool with you, though.”
“Yeah, ‘course it is. I mean, I’m guessing my mom didn’t let you think about walking out in that weather,” Sebastian sighed in frustration, reclining back in his chair and crossing his legs, “I wouldn’t make you walk out there. It doesn’t usually storm like this in the winter. Must be serious.” Sam hummed in agreement as he leaned back against the couch, arms lifted and resting on its back. The room grew quiet, Sebastian’s leg bounced up and down quietly, but Sam could see it from under the desk. Sam assumed it was out of boredom more than anything else, and not the potent adrenaline running through his veins.
“Sam?” He finally spoke up, “Are you hungry?” Sam gave him a bright grin and a nod. Sebastian returned it with a tiny smirk of his own.
“I think we have some frozen pizzas if you want me to throw them in the oven for you,” He offered as he stood up from his desk with a languid back stretch.
“Yes, please!”