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The alley was dim. The wind ran through his black hair as he was pinned to the wall. Chuuya was in front of him with a stoic face. The younger was breathing heavily as he felt a grip around his neck; he quite frankly liked it.
Akutagawa exhaled audibly and Chuuya tightened his grip a little, pulling another pretty sound out of the taller man’s mouth. “Chuuya-san, are you really so bothered that you couldn’t wait until the fight was finished?”
And he was right. The sounds of battle rustled behind them, a bit muffled by their heavy breathing.
“Shut up, princess. You aren’t faring much better.” Ah, Chuuya had already gotten into the headspace. He would never call Akutagawa something so degrading in a normal situation; he treasured him too much. Though this was anything but a normal occurrence. They were about to fuck like animals in a dark alleyway, afterall.
Akutagawa’s thoughts were filled with all kinds of ideas. He closed his eyes as his pants grew tighter on him. But suddenly he was released. He was standing on the ground and his neck was freed. Once he opened his eyes he only saw the wall in front of him.
He turned his head as he heard footsteps approaching him; it was Higuchi.
“What are you doing here, Akutagawa-senpai? You’re supposed to be helping us fight!”
The male stared at her blankly and a bit confused. Where the hell was Chuuya?
“Shut up, Higuchi.” Akutagawa sighed exasperated, bringing a hand up to rub the bridge of his nose in frustration and to try and regain a semblance of his dignity back. “It’s none of your business what I’m up to. Tell me, have we lost any men?”
“Yes, senpai. Not too many, I would say around 15, but the number will be much higher if you and Chuuya-san don’t return.” As if suddenly realizing something, Higuchi’s eyes widened in confusion. “Oh! Speaking of, do you happen to know about Chuuya-san’s whereabouts, Akutagawa-senpai?”
Flashes of the moments before the interruption fill Akutagawa’s mind, his face turning a shade of hopefully not too noticeable red. “No! Why would you ask me that?!”
“Well, you two seem to be pretty close. So maybe you know where he might be.” As Higuchi was speaking Akutagawa felt his member being squeezed. He was taken by surprise so he let out a small gasp as if he was catching his air.
“Akutagawa-senpai, are you okay?”
“Yeah! I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” He tried to put on a poker face but his complexion grew redder as the grip was getting tighter. His ears felt hot and his legs were on the verge of giving out. He started to get dizzy with the mix of pleasure and pain.
His vision was absolutely swimming and his breathing picked up. This wasn’t too uncommon for him, but out of all times for his illness to act up, this was certainly not the right one. He placed his hand on the wall behind him, trying to support his body weight as to not fall off his feet and embarrass himself in front of his subordinate. His attempts at holding onto consciousness were proved futile, as black spots took over his field of view. The last thing he heard before he fainted was Higuchi’s worried exclaiming.
When he woke up, white engulfed his sight. Judging by the awful texture of the bedsheets under him, he quickly realized he woke up in the medical wing of the Port Mafia headquarters. The fight must have ended a long time ago, as the sky was littered with stars outside.
He sat up which made his head spin. His legs were weak so trying to stand up to open a window or grab some pills wouldn’t be an option. He sighed softly, cupping his head in his hands. For a moment, laying back down and sleeping seemed like the best choice but once he heard the door cracking open he knew that his plans would change, regardless of who entered.
“Are you okay?” Chuuya asked with a smirk on his face. He knew that they would end up here alone, in this exact room; that’s why he did it. It was perfect — no one would disturb them since everyone wanted Akutagawa to rest, upon seeing him passed out in the alley.
“Oh, shut up.” The taller rolled his eyes in annoyance but also to tease his partner. He let his head fall back onto the crusty pillow as he heard Chuuya’s steps coming closer.
“Seriously now, how are you feeling?” Chuuya asked as he leaned over his boyfriend, tucking his bangs away and placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. Akutagawa smiled softly and looked up at Chuuya with brighter eyes than before.
“Still a bit out of it, but overall better. Might not be well enough for sex, though. You’ll have to keep yourself in check for a little while longer,” Akutagawa smirked as Chuuya clicked his tongue playfully.
“I guess that’s karma for making you unconscious.” The redhead’s face turned serious. “Jokes aside, I didn’t think it would affect you so badly. I’m sorry for causing you harm, dear.” He took the brunet’s hand into his and placed a kiss there, too. Akutagawa’s face flushed as he avoided eye contact.
“Stop being such a sap, I’m fine now.”
“Okay, good.” Chuuya smiled as he admired his beautiful soulmate. “You should’ve seen the side-eye Higuchi gave me once I came and picked you up, she was mad jealous. I really can’t stand her sometimes, I swear.” The younger laughed as the ginger was speaking.
“I don’t like her either, don’t worry.” Akutagawa smiled, looking at his tiny boyfriend.
“Like, I’m usually respectful to everyone, and I’m aware she’s only trying to be useful to you, but with Higuchi it’s hard to even think of her in a good way.” Chuuya started nagging and rolling his eyes. Akutagawa just stared at him in awe, zoning out and thinking ‘How can I be blessed with such a perfect partner?’, even though the older was outwardly flaming a person who might have harbored feelings for his other half.
“You get used to her after a while,” he tried to reason, even though he could barely hold in his laugh at Chuuya’s reaction. Suddenly, Akutagawa’s brows furrowed as a wave of pain engulfed his head. Chuuya noticed, of course, and was at his side immediately once again.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
“Sudden headache… don’t know why,” the brunet groaned.
After a bit of thinking, Chuuya came up with an idea.
“Scoot over, I need to be next to you.”
“Huh? Are you out of your mind?! What if someone walks in on us?”
“Don’t worry about it, I already made sure nobody is going to bother us for a good while,” Chuuya explained as he already invaded his boyfriend’s personal space, only to start massaging his temples in an attempt to soothe his pain. Akutagawa instantly melted into the touch.
The black-haired boy closed his eyes in satisfaction. This is why he called him his soulmate, his other half, his everything. He always knew what made him feel better. He always knew if something was wrong and knew how to fix it.
Akutagawa was furious. Angry at himself for not being enough sometimes. Chuuya seemed to always take care of him, but what had he done? He thought he wasn’t doing enough, that he should do more, that he should be better for Chuuya.
Guilt. Guilt was filling his body as he thought of all the times Chuuya had praised him, all the time he had taken care of him, everytime the latter would hold him as if he was a porcelain doll. He wanted to make Chuuya feel the same way. He wanted to make him feel special and he thought he wasn’t doing enough.
“What’s on your mind?” The older one spoke as he started running his fingers through the other’s fluffy black strands.
Akutagawa buried his face into Chuuya’s chest, savoring the contact. “Just thinking about how you had to pick up the scraps after Dazai-san left.”
Chuuya made a sad little noise in the back of his throat, not saying anything but essentially prompting him to continue.
“And you’re probably so sick of hearing about that scumbag all the time from me. Hell, only recently I’ve started to actually let go of that part of my past. Only thanks to you.”
Akutagawa hid his face even more, trying to stifle the incoming tears.
“And that’s the problem, in fact. You do so much for me all the time. I can never thank you enough and it eats at me little by little. What are you getting from coddling someone like me all the time? Don’t you get tired?”
Before Chuuya could continue, the brunet sat up and straddled his waist. “Please. Let me repay you. Let me make you feel good for once, as well.”
“What? You don’t have to do anyth-” Chuuya said as he grabbed his boyfriend's waist that fit perfectly in his palms.
“Yes, I do. You always do so much for me and I do so little for you!” Akutagawa snapped. He spoke with a mixture of sadness and anger, as if it kept eating him from the inside that he wasn’t good enough. The taller started moving his hands towards the other’s pants.
“Ryuu… Seriously.” Chuuya grabbed his partner’s wrists with a soft grip so as to not bruise him. Akutagawa's face softened as he heard the nickname only he used. “You don’t need to do anything. You don’t need to make me feel good. You know why?”
The younger one didn't say a word. Just stared at the other with a blank face and shook his head in frustration.
“Because your presence is already enough for me. Will you come back here and hear me out, please?” Chuuya extended his arms towards his boyfriend, implying a hug.
Akutagawa let out a trembling sigh and collapsed back into Chuuya’s chest, making himself comfortable.
“Ryuu, you don’t need to do anything special just to repay me. That’s not how relationships work. I don’t know the full extent of what shitty Dazai has ingrained into your brain and I probably never will, but I’m here to tell you this: I love you for you, dear. I love it when you smile only for me to see and your dimples show so prettily. I love your cooking, even if it sucks sometimes, and I love the way you get into bed after a long day on the field only to immediately cuddle with me until the sun rises again. I love your eagerness to learn and your resilience to keep fighting for what you believe in. I love all those little things that make you yourself, Ryuu, and your bold, unique personality. Please don’t think I will allow sex to happen when you’re in this state. That thought alone makes me so uncomfortable. Please.”
Akutagawa wanted to argue. He wanted to tell him why he had to do more than just being himself. Even though the words made him giddy, he still felt like he wasn’t worth Chuuya’s time. But he didn’t say anything. He just buried his head in his boyfriend's chest and shut his mouth. It felt worthless to add anything else because he knew the latter would disagree.
Chuuya knew that his soulmate's mind was still filled with dark thoughts but for the time being he enjoyed the comfortable silence that filled the room. He held him close. He knew words wouldn’t be much help for him but he was going to show him one way or another, just not now. He ran his fingers through his fluffy hair as the other started falling into a deep and peaceful sleep.
As the minutes went by, Chuuya’s heart was swelling with affection at the sight of his lover, all vulnerable in his sleep. It took such a long time to finally get the younger man out of his shell, to finally be open about his feelings and get him to set boundaries. There were still setbacks, of course, if today was anything to go by. But overall, his Ryuu was doing so much better. Chuuya was so proud of him.
He was proud of himself, too. Dazai’s betrayal affected him as well, even though he hated to admit it. He learned to place his loyalty in the right hands since then, and Akutagawa was the perfect candidate. His dear, human Akutagawa, who still sometimes thought he needed to repay every ounce of affection received because he felt undeserving. He still has a long road ahead to a full recovery from the trauma inflicted by Dazai.
But enough about the fucker. Why should he bother thinking about him any longer when a precious person was lying in his arms right at that moment? Chuuya started drifting off into a gentle slumber as well, dreaming about a more peaceful future alongside his boyfriend.