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Fourth wakes up with slow shudders and weighted whispers on his mind. The memory of the night before is at the forefront of everything, so naturally, he drifts out of dreams of it and into the memory of it with hazy alertness. He shifts slowly, looking drowsily to the ceiling. This is Gemini’s bed. They’re in Gemini’s bed. Together.
As non-disruptively as he can, he rolls onto his side so he’s facing Gemini. Gemini, who is still asleep, fingers of light grazing his cheek. Fourth curls his arm under his head and settles into the quiet. His attention wanders languidly from the relaxed set of Gemini’s brow to the slope of his nose, his cheekbones, his lips, his jaw. He’s on his side too, back to the window, shoulder caving in over himself like an umbrella of protection even in sleep.
The t-shirt he’s got on swamps his frame. Fourth nearly had a heart attack last night when he’d first seen him in it. It’s so big that the neckline is stretched wide and gaping away from his collarbones, and he’s gorgeous. He’s so fucking beautiful. His necklace rests in the folds of all the fabric, moving in the slight ups and downs of his steady breathing. Fourth hasn’t seen him not wearing it since the morning he gave it to him a little over a week ago.
Fourth watches him gently, intently. Their breathing syncs up. He marvels over the newness of it all- over the recollection of Gemini’s mouth pressed to his on their own terms, without the precursor of filming hanging over them. He wonders how much will change between them, and what will stay the same.
He’s caught up in this for a fair spell of time, until Gemini stirs and begins to blink his eyes open against the brightness in the room. He looks at Fourth immediately, then doesn’t look away, even as he smiles sleepily and draws in a deep breath that indicates he isn’t fully awake yet.
Fondness is nearly bursting out of Fourth as he lays his hand on top of Gemini’s, skating his fingers over the older’s knuckles. It takes a minute or two for Gemini to join him in his cognizance, but once he does, he looks back at Fourth just as affectionately, still smiling. “Good morning,” he says, voice gravelly.
“Best morning.”
Gemini half-groans, half-laughs. Plain endearment is written all over his face though, giving him away. Fourth wants to see him this carefree always. This rested and content.
“Just had to one-up me, huh?” Gemini says, but there’s not even an ounce of accusation in his tone. Gently, he moves his hand away from Fourth’s grasp so he can brush his fingertips along Fourth’s cheek, back to his hairline. “What’re you thinking about?”
Fourth flexes his hand around Gemini’s elbow, the bone prodding at the soft part of his palm.
“I like touching you.” He catches the shit-eating grin rapidly overtaking Gemini’s face as soon as he says it and rolls his eyes as he swats at the older’s face. Gemini dodges him, cracking up, but refrains from making some sort of immature joke.
“Idiot,” Fourth grumbles fondly. “You know what I meant.”
Gemini nods as he calms down, tucking his free hand under his cheek where it’s been resting on the pillow. The smile that hasn’t faded since he awoke squishes up a little as a disarmingly cute result.
“What were you thinking about before I woke up?” is his next question.
Fourth trails along the chain of Gemini’s necklace until he reaches the circular piece that has My soul engraved on the back. He holds it between his index finger and thumb as he muses, “Everything.” After a breath, “Us. Last night. How giving you this-” motioning at the necklace- “felt a little bit too much like a confession.”
The sheets rustle as Gemini moves closer. Fourth almost goes cross-eyed with how near they are to each other now. He wouldn’t move away from him for anything.
“I wanted to take it as one,” Gemini admits softly. Fourth remembers how he’d held it like it was his most priceless possession upon opening it. “It’s the best gift I’ve ever been given.”
It’s, frankly, a silly thing to start blushing about, but Fourth does have to turn his face into the bed in an attempt to conceal the heat rushing to his cheeks. Gemini laughs, then seizes him when he tries to twist away (back, come back, come closer, always) to kiss him and his huffs of feigned irritation quiet. The older boy tastes like sleep, and like he did last night. Like him. And Fourth will, with time, be able recognize it like second nature. Holy shit. Yeah. He’s still having trouble grappling with the reality of that.
Gemini pulls away eventually, half-leaning over him. He beams at the way Fourth follows his retreating mouth for a split second before dropping back to the mattress with a small frown.
“Breakfast?” Gemini says lightly. He’s doing a little jig, propped up on his elbows, hair hanging in his eyes. Realistically, it’s an incredibly stupid jig, and he should look about the same doing it. Instead, he just looks lovely.
Pressing his thumb into Gemini’s visible collarbones, Fourth says, “Sure. But I really don’t feel like cooking.”
So they order in. And they stay in bed until it arrives, then sit down on the couch to eat. When Fourth asks why there instead of the table, Gemini answers, “So we can be close.” Fourth wouldn’t have denied him anyway, but it’s hopeless then.
They sit and eat, then sit and hug, then sit and poke at each other’s sides until a full on battle of the wills is at hand. To get the upper hand- and because he definitely doesn’t mind doing it for personal reasons either- Fourth dips in and presses their lips together. Gemini goes wide-eyed and still and Fourth grins in victory.
“You are such a flirt,” Gemini breathes.
“Me?” Fourth cries.
“Yes?” Gemini says, innocently enough; he would probably fool most people.
Fourth is not most people. “Let’s talk about yesterday, then,” he challenges.
“Sure.”
Fourth thinks back to the beginning of the day before, of sliding into Gemini’s car and losing his mind over Gemini simply sitting in his driver’s seat, all casual smiles and casual clothes. Of being rendered unresponsive after Gemini reached over to click his seatbelt in for him. “The seatbelt move.”
“Oh, yeah,” Gemini says, turning his head to the room like the answer as to what possessed him to do that is over there somewhere. Fourth snorts out a laugh. Gemini’s eyes cut back to him, mirth dancing in them like fire. “That was your fault though.”
“Huh?”
“Take responsibility,” Gemini demands, jabbing his finger in the center of Fourth’s chest. “You with your fuckin’ half-lidded eyes and your ‘Wanted to.’”
“Wha-” Fourth squawks, cutting himself off in a rush to defend his honor- “I was just copying what you said over the phone the night before!”
“Well, I thought it was hot,” Gemini says, so bluntly that Fourth chokes on air. Gemini pays him no mind, continuing, “And you got the idea from me, so are you saying you think I’m hot?”
Fourth splutters, “You’re ridiculous.” He’s not scrambling. “I despise you.”
Gemini leans over and kisses him squarely on the mouth. It’s quick, but full, and Fourth stares at him as Gemini rocks out of his space as swiftly as he slipped into it. Seemingly unbothered with his own sudden confidence, Gemini repeats, “Sure,” just as nonchalantly as before. “You didn’t answer my question though. You think I’m hot?”
Fourth hopes the heat burning his ears isn’t outwardly noticeable and pointedly ignores that the indignant sound he makes is terribly weak. “I think you’re the flirt,” is what he opts to say.
He does think Gemini’s hot. Of fucking course he does. It’s not something he’s ever tried to convince himself isn’t true merely because it is and there’s never been any sense in denying it. But there’s something charged about being asked to profess it to his face that has Fourth skirting around it.
Gemini lets him off the hook for the time being, even though his eyes are shining and the half-smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth is downright impish. “What else did I do yesterday?”
A bout of laughter escapes Fourth before he says, “Like you don’t know.” Gemini doesn’t retort, just raises an eyebrow at him. Fourth levels him with an unimpressed look, pretending to rack his brain really hard. “Let me think… How about when you first saw me in the crop top?”
This properly embarrases Gemini. He drops down with a thunk onto Fourth’s chest, digging his forehead into Fourth’s shirt as he groans in mortification.
“Ugh. That was… not my best moment. I mean, it was. For me. Like. Internally.”
Fourth barks out a surprised laugh. “What the fuck, Gem-”
“Shut up-!” Gemini shrieks- “I didn’t mean- I just meant that I didn’t have a problem seeing- that sight.” He’s beet red all the way to the roots of his hair. Fourth is having a fantastic time. He can’t get his breathing or laughter under control in the wake of Gemini’s flustered demeanor.
Suddenly- so suddenly that Fourth inhales in shock- Gemini sits up. He’s visibly tense, shoulders locked in a straight, awful line. Fourth sits up along with him, following his movements, mirroring the seriousness he’s taken on so quickly. He allows the older to gather his thoughts, noticing his eyes roaming unseeingly over the living room, and does so without a word, even as his chest tightens with concern.
Finally, Gemini takes a deep breath. His brow creases as he slides his hands up Fourth’s thighs, holding onto him, as if to ensure Fourth’s space remains conjoined with his, to ensure their legs remain a tangled web on the couch.
“Fourth,” Gemini says quietly. Nothing else follows that, though. He’s looking at their laps, not at Fourth directly, and Fourth’s soul feels offset in the absence of his eye contact. Fourth won’t force it, of course; still, he eases his hand under one of Gemini’s, maneuvering their palms into a gentle meeting. Gemini raises his gaze once Fourth has threaded their fingers together, offering Fourth the tiniest smile in thanks.
“I just remembered that I wanted to… I want to tell you why I was upset,” Gemini reveals. Fourth is instantly lost as to what he’s referring to. “I was taking it out on you, but I was mad at myself. When I first saw you, looking like that- you looked- Fourth-” he stops, evidently shoving his nerves and embarrassment away to make sure he gets his point across. “You looked so good. So beautiful. Seriously. And I was so taken by you that I just fucking- lost my mind. Felt like I was going crazy. I didn’t regret it. Because you deserve to feel desired and wanted. You were- are. I want you. Always. I wanted you yesterday. So I didn’t regret it, but I regretted how I handled it because we hadn’t talked about us yet and I felt like… like I was being disrespectful or something. I wanted to communicate first, but instead I got all caught up in the moment and you were probably so confused and I just. I feel so terrible.”
Fourth drifts between worlds, wondering if he’s dreaming. Wondering how he got here. Wondering what he ever did to deserve this boy and all of his needless worries. Worries that come down to Fourth’s comfort. Fourth’s wellbeing. Fourth’s feelings.
“You’re so sweet,” Fourth says, close to tears. He uses his free hand to reach up and caress Gemini’s cheek. Because he can now. Because he loves him. Gemini looks taken aback, like that’s the last thing he expected Fourth to say and that breaks Fourth’s fucking heart. There’s a rush of grief, then another surge of desperation to make sure he knows- “You’ve never disrespected me. Not once. We’ve had stupid spats and serious ones too over all these years we’ve known each other, but you’ve never disrespected me. By word or by touch.”
Gemini seems to wilt in relief and Fourth can’t believe this has stuck around in Gemini’s head long enough to become a coherent, fully thought-out concern of his. Gemini, in his infallible, steadfast kindness and selflessness. Faced with the older’s unbending honesty, Fourth decides to tell the whole truth too.
“In that particular moment I was confused. But in a good way. I… I want you too, always. And I definitely wanted you then. So even though I was sort of freaking out because of the situation, I didn’t not want you exactly where you were. I would’ve told you otherwise.”
Gemini watches him with his honey eyes, thankfully much less tense than a few minutes ago. Their hands run over each other, revisiting old paths known by eyes and memorizing new paths by touch.
“You know what?” Fourth says once Gemini doesn’t offer up anything else. “That was actually the first time I realized you wanted me too. When you first saw me wearing it.”
Gemini’s hand stills where it’d been tracing Fourth’s ribs over his shirt. “What do you mean?”
Fourth waves his hand vaguely. “The tension. Like. I’d felt that with you before, of course. But it was different yesterday. That was the first time I knew you wanted me back.”
“Fourth… you’re serious?” Gemini’s looking less confused and more horrified by the second.
“Yeah? I wouldn’t joke about that.”
Gemini sighs heavily, like it pained him to hear that, to realize it. For a long while, he doesn’t say a word. Then he tilts Fourth’s face up with gentle fingers at his chin, leaning forward to kiss him, chaste and soft.
“Well, I’ve got a lot to make up for, haven’t I?” he murmurs, swiping his thumb reverently where his mouth was just a moment ago. Fourth’s bottom lip trembles under the touch in time with his heart leaping in his chest. “Because, like I said, I do want you. Always. And that has been true for me for a long time.”
Fourth tips into him to brush their noses together. In an echo of the night before, he whispers, “And we’ve got time.”
Gemini hums. A smile creeps onto his face slowly, like something’s funny. Fourth’s not sure if there is, or if the older’s simply feeling really giddy about being this close to him. Because that’s how Fourth’s faring right now.
“You’re distracting,” Gemini mutters against his lips. Fourth doesn’t know what he did to make Gemini draw this conclusion from his actions, but it still makes him experience a ridiculous amount of pride.
Regardless of not knowing the reason, he says, “Sorry.”
“I don’t think you are.”
Fourth intends to bitch about that, but gets distracted as Gemini kisses him again and decides to enjoy that instead for the short amount of time that Gemini indulges him. When he leans back, Fourth doesn’t chase, still sensitive to how the conversation started. If Gemini has more he wants to say, Fourth will give him ample room to say it.
“When the event started my mind was still pretty clouded,” Gemini begins a few moments later. “But I knew that I needed to stay close to you. And I knew that I really wanted to talk afterwards. Then Aroon started being a shithead on stage and everything kind of went to shit. I got distracted by how mad I was.”
Fourth nods, following along with Gemini’s thought process of the day prior. “Thanks, by the way,” he says. “For noticing.”
“You don’t need to thank me for that,” Gemini says, eyebrows furrowing. “But of course I noticed. You were uncomfortable and he was choosing to act oblivious about it- the fucking moron. It’s unacceptable. And you’re perfectly capable of standing up for yourself. I know that. You did later, afterwards. I just thought he might back off a bit if someone else intervened and made him realize that he wasn’t being as subtle as he probably thought he was.”
“I think you’re right,” Fourth agrees. “Switching our spots on stage was a smart move.”
Gemini gives his head a slight shake, as if to convey I shouldn’t have had to. “Once the event was over, I thought we were in the clear. We were done having to deal with him. So I… I let myself remember. Before. And I let myself show you how much I-” he stops to take a deep breath, eyes far-off again, glued on the wall. “And then when I came out of the bathroom I knew something was wrong.” He picks at a thread poking out of the seam of Fourth’s sweatpants pocket. “I haven’t asked you yet. What he said to you.”
Fourth tries to go for a consoling smile, but it’s puny at best. “A bunch of bullshit. He kept trying to convince me to go out for a celebratory dinner with him even though I kept telling him we already had plans. He invited you along, but clearly only as an afterthought, which pissed me off even more.”
“You were obviously uncomfortable, though,” Gemini says, disgruntled on Fourth’s behalf. “Your body language- everything.”
“Yeah,” Fourth sighs. “He knew. He’s just an asshole. I think he was playing at it to try and get his way.”
“That fucker,” Gemini grits out. He looks very upset. Fourth understands it to a certain extent; if someone had been talking to Gemini and making him uncomfortable, Fourth would’ve lost his damn mind. Even still, the sight of him unhappy for any reason makes Fourth’s heart ache. He cups Gemini’s cheek, startling when he realizes that the older is grinding his teeth together so hard that his jaw jumps under Fourth’s touch.
“Hey,” Fourth says worriedly. He runs his thumb along Gemini’s jawbone until the tautness there dwindles. “What’s going on?”
Gemini inhales and exhales evenly a couple rounds before answering. “Feeling a lot. Mad about that. Mad at myself.”
Fourth makes a noise of protest, scooting even closer. There’s nowhere to go, really- no distance left between them to eliminate- but he tries anyway. “Why, Gem?”
“Just- the same as what I was saying before. You were- something was wrong and I knew it. You were all rigid. You backed right up into me like you were trying to get away. I got so mad and after he left I still was, but I- I still… wanted you.”
Gemini bites his lip as he pauses, eyes glossy. Fourth’s chest heaves just from listening to him.
“It was a lot to feel at once. It confused me. And made me feel like shit because I didn’t know what happened with Aroon and I didn’t know if you were alright so I shouldn’t have been distracted by anything else. Anything other than making sure you were okay. And I already felt horrible about before and being unfair to you and I just- I needed to get you alone. I didn’t want to risk getting stopped by anyone else coming up to us. We needed to be alone and I needed to make things right.”
This explains the race to get back to their dressing room. Fourth remembers reeling as he was towed through the hallways by Gemini’s urgency, though at the time he thought the older had very different intentions than he actually did.
“I thought you were going to kiss me.”
Gemini looks disheartened but not surprised by this. “My head was a wreck,” he reiterates. “I wasn’t going to take that step after the shit with Aroon. And just. In general. I wanted to communicate. I wanted to do it right. Just in case you… didn’t feel the same way.”
In a different situation, Fourth may have laughed- the idea that Gemini could have feelings for him that Fourth wouldn’t reciprocate. It’s not the time for that though, so Fourth shakes his head, continuing to watch him. Continuing to listen.
Gemini must recognize this because his head lists to the side and his mouth works in the way it does when he’s getting emotional but trying to reign it in. There’s an air about him… like he believes he doesn’t deserve such kindness from Fourth. It’s such an alien concept to Fourth- since is just the farthest fucking thing from the truth- that realizing it might be what Gemini thinks a much heavier, significant ideal.
“I see how it must have looked to you, though,” Gemini says quietly. “How it must’ve felt to have me get that close to you and then… shove something at you for you to cover yourself up.” His expression shudders. “I’m so sorry. That’s not- I didn’t mean it like that.”
He looks so sad. Fourth can’t stand it. “I know,” he assures him. Then, striving to brighten Gemini’s mood a bit, “The top was that distracting, huh?”
The comment succeeds in getting a wet laugh out of Gemini. “Very. I remember having this idea that if you were wearing something else maybe I’d be able to remove myself enough from the moment to actually talk through the day. But when I got close all I wanted to do was kiss you. And then I felt like shit. Again.”
Knowing that Gemini was beating himself up for almost crossing boundaries he had drawn up out of admiration for Fourth makes the previous sting of what Fourth perceived as rejection dissipate completely. It comes down to choices, and respect, and adoration for one another.
And just as Fourth would never move on from a situation in which he upset Gemini- on purpose or not- before flushing it out all the way, Gemini refuses to either.
“It hurt your feelings, didn’t it?” he asks, temporary lightheartedness nowhere in sight, eyes already brimming with tears.
Fourth stares at him, frozen for a long moment. He could try to fabricate something to spare Gemini’s feelings, but the older would see through him anyway. And therein lies the path he will choose: Fourth wants to be honest with him. From here on out. Always.
“It did,” Fourth confirms faintly. A tear trickles over Gemini’s lash line at the admission, but Fourth wipes it away immediately. Wipes it from the record. Wipes their slate clean. “I thought you were rejecting me. That you either didn’t want to kiss me or… you did but you just didn’t think it was worth it.”
“Fuck,” Gemini says harshly under his breath, ducking his head. “I’m so sorry- I was so caught up that I didn’t think-”
Fourth accidentally knocks their skulls together as his body involuntary jerks forward in objection. He uses that position to urge Gemini’s head upright, running his hands along his shoulders and down his arms and loathing how he chews at the inside of his cheek and breathes heavily.
“It’s okay,” Fourth swears to him, gripping his hands now. “It’s okay. All forgiven. I know now you didn’t mean it that way. I knew as soon as we confessed to each other last night.”
It seems to sink into Gemini’s consciousness slowly, but he does nod with time. He grants Fourth a watery smile. “I’m glad,” he says. “That you know now. I… I don’t like upsetting you. I don’t ever want to upset you. But I know I did last night. I told myself I’d change clothes and take you home and that I wouldn’t touch you anymore because I was making you sad and I couldn’t figure out what was going on, and it was all my own doing. It all feels fucking stupid now. Like I blew it way out of proportion.”
Fourth shakes his head, promising, “You didn’t .” Whispering touches along Gemini’s body, back to his jaw, down his neck, around his middle. Constant movement and motion. Constant reassurance. It’s okay. We’re good. I’m not going anywhere. We have time.
“I was upset with myself and confused by everything I was feeling and I took it out on you. That’s why I snapped at you when we got back here last night,” Gemini says, then sniffs. “It’s not an excuse. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, Gem. I was being snappy too. I’m sorry too. Okay?”
Gemini almost looks offended. “You don’t have any reason to apologize. We were in that situation because of me-”
“And look where it got us!” Fourth exclaims, not stern, but triumphant. Look where they are now!
Gemini goes quiet. A look of wonder blossoms on his features. Fourth, eager to squash this, carries on. “It was a little bumpy getting here, sure, but we’re here. We’re us. And that’s more than worth it to me. I wouldn’t change it for anything. Any of it.”
It is a crime for Gemini to ever be anything but smiling, so the small one that dawns on his face is the equivalent of the world being set right once more.
“You’re right,” he says softly.
Fourth teases, “Of course,” and Gemini pinches his thigh. The next few moments pass in relative silence which Fourth is thankful for. It allows the stress to finally, completely ooze out of Gemini’s frame. Gradually, his strained shoulders go limp once and for all, and his eyes, though always gentle when they’re on Fourth, soften even more.
“One more thing,” Gemini says, knocking his hand into Fourth’s shoulder when Fourth makes a show of pretending to roll his eyes. Slowly, Gemini continues, “Why’d you do it? Last night. Why did you confess? You told me you wanted me thinking I didn’t feel the same way. I put you in an awful position and you… you still did it.”
Fourth adjusts against the cushions, remembering. Remembering the resignation coursing through his body as he chanted over and over to himself that he just needed to get through the conversation with Gemini and then he could grieve the loss of the relationship he desired more than anything on his own.
“I didn’t think you wanted me back,” he replies, subdued. Light. It happened. It sucked in the moment. It’s over now. It doesn’t matter now. It’s not as hard to share, “I didn’t think you wanted me romantically so I needed space. I knew I couldn’t be as close as we were anymore without having you. That’s why I did it. Because I needed to protect myself. But I also wanted you to understand why. I didn’t want to hurt you in the process.”
Gemini is staring at him. There are very few expressions of his that Fourth cannot place, and this is one Fourth has actually become quite familiar with over the years. It usually shows up in response to Fourth’s achievements for work or school or whenever he receives praise for his acting. It’s rarely private; exactly like it is now. So Fourth says nothing, feeling like he’s burning up as the sole subject of Gemini’s attention.
“I didn’t bring anything up because I was scared you weren’t talking about us. This,” Gemini clarifies, pointing between them. “I was just scared altogether. I didn’t want to blindside you with that big of a conversation that could- that would- change everything if that wasn’t what you wanted… And you did it anyway?”
Fourth is picked apart by the tenderness of Gemini’s discernment and total understanding. He has never been known like this, nor held like this. He isn’t sure how to accept it, and certainly not how to do so gracefully. He wonders if he will learn someday.
“You knew,” Gemini goes on, voice rich and admiring, “that telling me you needed space would mean telling me of your feelings. And you did it anyway.”
Fourth’s breath catches and rallies in his chest as if to speak, but still the words don’t come. Gemini doesn’t seem to need them. He shakes his head, as if in disbelief, a smile on his lips now.
“You’re so brave,” he whispers. He brushes his thumb under Fourth’s eye, deliberate and feather-light. “Thank you for being brave.”
Fourth answers in the only way he can think to, in the only way it seems he can- pulling Gemini into him and melding their mouths into one. He’s not sure the novelty of it will ever wear off.
Between kisses, he manages, “Let’s be brave together,” and Gemini’s lips seal that promise in the golden warmth of the first morning of them.
»
“Hey,” Fourth says later that night, perched on the kitchen island. The salad he prepared for their dinner sits ready to go down the way, so he’s been watching Gemini work on his soup for the last several minutes. At Fourth’s soft call, the older boy turns his head, hip to the counter, hand wrapped around the wooden spoon he’s been stirring the noodles with. His eyes are calm and his body is lax and Fourth loves him.
“C’mere,” he says, but he gets choked up as it comes out, absolutely overwhelmed in this unassuming moment by the sheer force of understanding what he has now. What they have. This simple, domestic, perfect-
“Hey,” Gemini returns, slipping between Fourth’s parted legs. He leans forward and snakes his arms so tightly around Fourth’s middle that the younger boy and all of his nerves are held together at once. “You okay?”
Fourth winds his own arms about Gemini’s shoulders to hug him, head bumping against the older’s as he nods. “Yeah,” he says, Gemini’s hair tickling at his mouth. “Just… I wanted to. Um. Ask you something.”
Gemini draws back, likely sensing his unusual hesitance, but just enough that they can look each other in the eye. He doesn’t loosen his arms around Fourth’s torso even a quota more than he must. He doesn’t interrupt Fourth’s train of thought either, just dips his chin in a nod. Fuck, Fourth loves him.
He cards one of his hands back through Gemini’s hair, breathing deep to keep the thrum of panic pulsing through his veins at bay. “We’re… we’re dating, right? Boyfriends?”
Gemini considers him for a long moment, the smile on his face growing steadily. It’s not mean or teasing. Just endeared. “Is that what you want?”
“Is that what you want?” Fourth volleys back, caught off-guard by Gemini’s non-answer.
“I want whatever you want,” Gemini says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Fourth melts.
“I know,” he says, circling his hands around the base of Gemini’s neck so that his thumbs meet at the older’s clavicle. He stares at the way his hands look against Gemini’s skin. They look really fucking good together. “And I do. Want that.”
Gemini smiles like the sun peeking out of the clouds- abundant brilliance, growing brighter with each passing moment. “Okay,” he whispers. Then, “Will you be my boyfriend?”
Fourth fakes being disappointed, setting his mouth in a straight line and dropping his head a bit as if to metaphorically- and physically, where they are now- look down on him. “Technically, I asked you first.”
“Sure,” Gemini says. He leans in closer in the ensuing pause and Fourth holds his eyes, unwavering. Refusing to break first. Fourth is the fucking king of flirting with Gemini. Surely he can maintain his composure here. Even still, it grates against Fourth’s ears and his heart when Gemini’s voice pitches down as he says, “I’d still like an answer, though.”
“Fuck you,” Fourth hisses, digging his knee into Gemini’s hip as he shoves at his chest. “Don’t use that tone on me.”
In an immaculate display of using Fourth’s advantage against him, Gemini just catches the offending knee and pins it to the counter. Fourth stops fucking breathing. Gemini is laughing but trying to hide it and he’s doing a shit job.
“I think you like it, though!” he says gleefully. Fourth shoves him again and tells him to shut his big mouth. He’s all talk though.
In the very next moment he’s saying, “Yes, you shithead. I will be your boyfriend.”
And Gemini coos and celebrates and laughs and Fourth is going to give him everything. Everything. And they kiss until they almost burn dinner.
“Almost!” Gemini cries, hunched over his beloved food, out of breath. Fourth is out of breath too, still sitting on the island and teetering helplessly without Gemini standing in front of him to ground him to the moment while simultaneously freeing him from it. He watches Gemini hop around on the balls of his feet in front of the stove and holler that it was a close call but their meal is not ruined! Kiss-bitten lips are a good look on him.
Everything, Fourth thinks. Everything.
»
When they tell their families they’re dating in July, the general consensus is that no one is surprised.
The first month of them being together has been intentionally secretive. The privacy that having no pressure from others lent to allowing them to explore how to be with each other after so long repressing their feelings was the healthiest practice they could’ve chosen for themselves. And it’s been good for them. For their communication with this new avenue of their relationship, for their time spent together, for concreting the intensity of feelings that are out in the open.
Now they’re both ready for their families to know. At first, Fourth thought that some of them would have asked if something has changed between them, but then realized that not much in he and Gemini’s day-to-day routines has actually changed. To the outside eye, nothing would look out of the ordinary. They were already always at each other’s places before. They were already driving each other everywhere and sharing almost every meal and spending all of their free time together.
So Fourth isn’t even nervous to tell his mom. He knows she’ll approve, he just doesn’t know how she’ll react. As it is, she smiles and pats his hair and then gets up from the table and crushes him in a hug and says she’s happy for him. For them. And that she wants to make dinner for them soon.
When Front gets back from the school later that afternoon, Fourth relays the news to her too. She glances at him sidelong and says, “Oh. I thought you guys were already together.”
Fourth tells Gemini this when they call later that night while Fourth’s driving. Gemini laughs and laughs; apparently his dad said the same thing. He also tells Fourth that his mom wants to have them over for dinner. Fourth smiles the entire way home.
»
Fourth is trying to focus, he really is, but his mind is running away from him. The movie playing on Gemini’s television is more background noise than entertainment at this point and Fourth keeps coming to with his eyes glued to the remnants of the takeout they had for their impromptu date night.
Gemini shifts against his chest and Fourth fits his arm more snugly around the older’s shoulders. He focuses on where Gemini’s head is pressed to his heart, how he can feel his heartbeat thumping more noticeably under the distinct pressure of his boyfriend’s body against his own. It’s distracting, but in a different, better way. Fourth stops trying to force himself to follow the plot of the film and rests his neck on the back of the couch, a bit more at peace than before.
He doesn’t implicitly register the silence until Gemini hoists himself up, sits properly beside him, and then hauls him over into his lap. His thighs are straddling the older’s legs and the movie isn’t playing anymore. Gemini must’ve paused it or turned it off.
In the time it takes Fourth’s mind to join him, Gemini has cupped his cheeks, fingers fanning across his face in a gentle cradle.
“You’re so beautiful,” Gemini whispers, sincere, gazing up at him like he’s the stars in the night sky. Fourth’s breathing derails before leaving him entirely. He finds it within himself to fist his hands in the front of Gemini’s shirt, but that’s about it.
Gemini draws him down to kiss him, exhaling the breath back into Fourth’s lungs. When the older pulls back, Fourth can only sit quietly. He can feel his eyes growing glassy, but there’s not anything he can do about it.
“Where’d you go, hm?” Gemini says. So soothingly, like a hand guiding him through the dark. “Where’s your head at right now?”
Fourth sighs, the weight of something much larger than him accompanying it, but doesn’t answer right away. He just looks at Gemini and… every time, it’s like seeing him for the first time. There’s always something for his eyes to latch onto, his heart screaming inside him that he must- he must- know Gemini completely. Fourth will never get enough of looking at him, this boy who handles him so knowingly, so carefully. This boy who is Fourth’s world, who Fourth can’t believe he gets to be with.
And herein lies where Fourth’s mind got stuck earlier this evening: he can’t let anyone take this away from them. He wouldn’t be able to bear it. The future is an unformed blob in his mind; it feels far away, but Fourth is not so naive to think that things will always be exactly as they are now.
He can’t imagine it- telling people that they’re together at their own will. Or worse, having people find out before they’re ready. He can’t imagine this not being exclusively theirs anymore. Telling their immediate families earlier this month had been easy. Safe. They all, at the very least, already suspected it so it just doesn’t feel the same regarding them. But their fans? The culture surrounding their careers? The public at large? Their reactions? That’s scary.
Having people speculate about their relationship status and analyze their interactions is different than them confirming they are, in fact, together. Honestly, Fourth thinks it would be largely well received. But the rest of it would be a fucking nightmare. And practically an invitation for a whole bunch of unwanted shit. A flood of opinions and pressures and eyes on them, always. Even from those who mean well. Speculating. Analyzing. Digging for more. Pushing them apart? Challenging them in ways they would never be challenged if this was always just for them? That’s so fucking scary.
“I’m scared,” Fourth says.
Leave it to Gemini to make worry look good. The creases on his face are attractive but that doesn’t mean Fourth enjoys seeing him concerned. His hands have dropped from Fourth’s face to his thighs, running over his sweatpants in slow intervals. His touch is warm, heat bleeding through the fabric to Fourth’s skin. It’s ridiculously comforting.
“About what?”
“What comes next,” Fourth breathes out, anxiety constricting the words as they leave him. Gemini reaches for one of Fourth’s hands where they’re braced on his shoulders so he can guide it to his lips and kiss Fourth’s palm. It’s achingly intimate- this part of his body that is seldom touched by another person to be held and kissed like it’s precious. Like he’s precious.
Fourth slumps further into him, dragging his second hand up Gemini’s shoulder and neck to slot his fingers into the hair behind his ear. He’s thumbing over Gemini’s eyebrow when Gemini asks, “For us?”
Fourth hums, then adds, “And telling people. Or… people finding out.”
“That’s understandable,” Gemini says. “That scares me too. What we would have to deal with if we weren’t ready yet. I get it, Fourth. I do.” There’s a bit of a pause before he asks, “Was that the main thing? Or is there more to it?”
“More,” Fourth says weakly. Gemini has placed their clasped hands over his heart. He rubs over Fourth’s knuckles in Fourth’s momentary silence. The words feel too big in his head, the feelings too hot in his chest. “It’s… I don’t want to lose this. Things are really good right now. Looking forward, I just… I don’t want to feel pressure from outside shit. Outside people. Because things might change and I’m- that- it scares me. I need you. I need you, Gem. I can’t not have you. Not now that I do have you. I trust you and I believe in us. But not really anything or… anyone else.”
At some point while he was talking, Fourth’s eyes unconsciously strayed down to Gemini’s necklace, the silver winking at him in the dim light. When no response comes from the older, though, Fourth slowly lifts his gaze. The emotion swimming in Gemini’s eyes suggests he could burst into tears at any moment. His mouth is parted. He looks equal parts enamored and devastated. And because Fourth is very good at watching Gemini, that’s what he does.
He watches all of these things play out on the landscape of Gemini’s face. He watches the older boy watch him right back, watches him collect himself and sit up straighter, bringing Fourth with him. Gemini presses a delicate kiss to his cheek, then loops his arms around Fourth’s waist to pull him even closer in his lap. They’re stitched into each other, chins resting on one other’s shoulders, chests glued together. It’s everything. It’s home. Fourth’s runaway brain comes home too.
“Thank you for telling me,” Gemini says, a bit muffled, into his hair. “And for trusting me. We’re strong apart and we’re even stronger together. So for right now, this is just ours. And whenever the time comes that more people know about us, this will still be just ours. Nobody can take this from us. We’ll figure the rest out along the way.” He smooths a hand up Fourth’s back, between his shoulder blades, then curls it over the space where Fourth’s neck and shoulder meet, all in an effort to hold him tighter to his front. “Because I need you too. Even if things change around us, my feelings for you aren’t going to.”
Fourth closes his eyes. And the night settles.
It’s not fixed. It’s not put away for forever. But Fourth believes him.
“Okay,” he says, turning his head to bury his face in the side of Gemini’s neck. “Okay.” I love you. It’s on the tip of his tongue.
Gemini rocks them back and forth. “Brave together, yeah?”
»
Gemini falls asleep over his notes twenty minutes after he arrives at Fourth’s apartment.
Fourth isn’t bothered at all, just busy with his own work and amused by Gemini’s previous lofty exclamations of pulling an all-nighter to study. They’re both intimidated by midterms looming right around the corner, but Gemini had class this morning and Fourth did not. The early start has clearly caught up to him- propped-up head having dropped down to rest on an outstretched arm and all.
It’s so fucking easy to look at him. Fourth does for a short while, for as long as his own sleep deprived, slightly frantic brain will allow him to. Then he yanks a blanket from the back of the couch and fixes it around Gemini’s shoulders, resolving to keep the rustling of his textbooks pages as soundless as possible while he sleeps.
After an hour of this, Gemini still hasn’t stirred and Fourth worries over the state of his bent neck and bunched shoulders. It’s enough for Fourth to wake him up and take him to his room. Gemini stumbles along, disoriented, and collapses into Fourth’s bed, falling right back asleep. Fourth smiles at his almost-snores as he goes back out to the living room.
It’s another hour and a half of pen smudges against his increasingly unintelligible notes and blurring words on his laptop screen before Fourth hears footsteps and looks up to see a disheveled Gemini swaying precariously in the doorway.
Fourth blinks at him. He’s fairly certain he didn’t make any sort of noise loud enough to wake him.
“What’re you doing up?” he asks, but Gemini only answers by making his way over. Fourth thinks he’s going to lay down on the couch or sit beside him or try and encourage him to go to bed too, but no. He sits down on the floor behind him. Slinks his arms around Fourth’s waist, effectively hugging him and snuggling into his shoulder at the same time.
“Missed you,” he mumbles, gently digging his chin into the crook of Fourth’s neck. Fourth lets out a breathy laugh, squirming away from Gemini bearing down on a pressure point and losing it over his uncomplicated honesty.
“Yeah?” he says fondly, squeezing one of the hands Gemini’s got wrapped around his middle. “I think I’ll be done soon. I just want to finish writing down the review notes for this class and then look over a powerpoint for another.”
“‘Kay,” Gemini says, yawning. He knocks their knees together where his legs are bracketing the outside of Fourth’s. “I’ll wait for you.”
A lazy smile blooms on Fourth’s face. “Sweet boy,” he murmurs. Gemini hums a happy sound into his skin. Endearment bubbles up inside of Fourth, begging to split out of him. “You don’t have to.”
“Want to.”
Fourth doesn’t respond to that. He can feel the urge to mentally tell studying to fuck off and take a long hike so that he can mosey on to bed with his boyfriend, but his sense of responsibility is strong- strong enough to have gotten him through college thus far- and it gives him the motivational boost to just finish what he planned to so he doesn’t regret it later. With a quick turn of his head to peck Gemini’s temple, Fourth gets back to work.
Another forty-five minutes. They pass slowly, Fourth’s brain power draining out of his heavying body by the minute, but they do pass and he does finish his work. Exhausted and relieved, Fourth sighs happily, the tension in his shoulders reducing as he pushes his notebook away on the coffee table he’s been stationed at the whole evening.
He figured Gemini would have dozed off resting against him, but Gemini is very much awake, tightening his grip around Fourth and pulling him backward so he’s flush against his chest. Fourth dissolves at the feeling of being held, at the security of Gemini’s limbs coiled around him.
“Done?” Gemini checks. Fourth nods, breathing already evening out, eyes already closed. “Good. Good job, baby.”
Fourth’s breath stutters on an inhale, but neither of them comment on it. He bends his head back, blindly seeking to nudge their heads together. Gemini not only indulges him but huddles closer, pressing a kiss to his jaw.
“Bed,” Fourth mutters, even though he makes no move to wrest himself from their entanglement. Gemini plays at letting out a pitiful whine. Fourth laughs, knocking an elbow back into his ribs. “C’mon. It’s cold out here.”
The notion of Fourth’s spoken discomfort is enough to get Gemini on his feet. They brush their teeth in the bathroom, leaning against each other and trading sleepy, foamy smiles in the reflection. Lights turned off and alarms set for the next morning, Fourth just manages to pull his sweatshirt over his head before Gemini tugs him under the covers.
»
Either Gemini is shit at being subtle or he doesn’t care that all of their GMMTV colleagues are milling around about them in this very room, waiting just like them to be called forward to film for an upcoming company-wide project. Gemini’s sitting in a folding chair while Fourth’s standing sideways a foot away from him, arms crossed over his chest, trying valiantly to ignore the older’s wandering eyes.
Glancing over, Fourth catches Gemini in the act again. Eyeing Fourth’s upper half and his sheer shirt right out here in the open in front of all these people they’re not official to yet. Most of them are friends, yes, but still. Fourth throws his empty plastic water bottle at Gemini’s head and shoots him a scathing look that screams Cut it out.
Gemini just grins cockily and slides down in his seat, spreading his legs even further (those fucking pants warrant jail time) so he can tap his dress shoe against Fourth’s calf. Fourth stares at him for a second, weighing his options. He does a quick swivel of their surroundings and all the people that aren’t looking their way right now, where they’re conveniently tucked away near the back of the group. He clocks the virtual darkness. Then he takes two steps toward Gemini, straddling one of his thighs as he stands over him and leans down to rasp against his ear, “Put those eyes away, hm? It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”
He straightens up again just so he can see Gemini’s gaze predictably going inky black. His mouth parts, and Fourth is dreadfully excited to hear what he’s going to say-
“Fucking geez, you two,” Mark grouches as he breezes by, apparently having just returned from the bathroom through the door behind them. “Just date already.” He doesn’t even spare them a backward glance, which is really a shame. He would’ve found such joy in the way Gemini flushes- at that of all things- a deep crimson.
And Fourth is a damn good actor. He keeps it together and doesn’t bust a lung laughing until Mark is safely out of earshot.
»
Fourth has just placed the last of dinner on the table when Gemini’s front door scrapes open. Gemini must spot Fourth’s shoes because the noise in the entryway stops and, after a pause, he calls out, “Fourth?”
Keeping quiet, Fourth threads his fingers together in front of himself and waits for Gemini to come into view. When he does, his eyes lock on Fourth immediately, like a key clicking into place. Like Fourth is the only thing to exist, the only thing worth looking at at all. Gemini is completely silent, and he’s crumbling. His bag crashes from his shoulder to the ground. His frame slouches. And Fourth- nursing his now shattered heart- knows he made the right decision.
This morning when they talked on the phone, Gemini sounded so exhausted. He told Fourth about his full day of classes and the group presentation that was due. He was nervous that it wasn’t going to come together in time for them to present and discouragement weighed his tone down then, before any of it had even happened. By the time the afternoon rolled around, Fourth thought to hell with himself if he didn’t try to make things better for Gemini. Even if it’s just a little bit.
So he let himself into Gemini’s apartment while the older was still in class, cleaned up, and started the laundry that Gemini mentioned he was behind on- another stress on top of his endless to-do list. Then Fourth worked on getting dinner together, and thankfully finished just in time.
Gemini stands very still, looking at Fourth with a barren expression. Fourth knows he’s about to fall apart so he takes the initiative to approach him. He doesn’t try for a smile. Just enters his space, trying to exude comfort. Trying to make things better. Even if it’s just a little bit.
“Hey, honey,” Fourth says so, so softly. It’s the first ripple in Gemini’s desolate complexion; he inhales slowly, as if sipping through a straw. Then, just as unobtrusive as the rest of his dispiritedness, he starts to cry.
Fourth wraps him up in his arms, squeezing gently, and Gemini sinks into his front without delay. Melts into him like he’s lost control over himself. Maybe he has. And Fourth has the privilege of getting to be the one to help him through the fallout.
“Hard day?” Fourth asks. Quite an unnecessary question given the situation they’ve found themselves in. But Gemini just shrugs, exhaling shakily against his neck. He hasn’t broken into full-body sobs and Fourth isn’t sure if he even will. It seems the strain of his day simply needed an outlet and a gentle cry is what his body has chosen.
Fourth roots himself to the floor, wanting nothing more than to make a home in the earth so he can be an unshakable anchor, strong and dependable. So that Gemini can always, always lean his full weight on him. Fourth bends backwards just slightly as he takes the brunt of Gemini’s day, and this is all he wants. To be for Gemini what Gemini is for him. To be who he wants to see after a shitty day. To be a little light that makes things a little better.
“The presentation was a disaster,” Gemini says, though he doesn’t expand on it after that. Fourth knows plenty about being paired with partners who don’t care to do their part and make everyone else suffer because of it. “And the day was just… so fucking long.” Fourth lets out a hushed note of understanding. Gemini moves back enough that they can look at each other. His eyes are sparkling with tears. He is devastatingly beautiful.
“You’re here,” he breathes.
“I’m here,” Fourth says, heart in his throat. Because Gemini trusts him with his vulnerability. Because he’s clearly astonished that Fourth would be here for him without him having to ask and it’s rolling off of him in waves and Fourth loves him.
The older boy’s recovering a bit already, evident in the returned gleam to his eyes as he gazes at Fourth. Or maybe that’s just how love looks on him. It feels big- affixing that word to that look, but Fourth knows that it’s true. Because he knows that’s what love looks like on himself. When he looks at Gemini. It feels big but perhaps it’s not. Maybe it’s just surprise dinners and recharging hugs and wholesome reassurances. Maybe it’s just them being each other’s safest person. Maybe Fourth showing up is truly enough for Gemini to find some enjoyment in the remainder of the night.
“You’re here,” Gemini says again, like he’s trying to convince himself, then kisses Fourth like an embrace, like a thank you.
Once they’ve calmed a bit more and hugged a lot more, Fourth remembers the food. He runs his hands back through Gemini’s hair and kisses the corner of his mouth, punch-drunk on the taste of them, on the feeling of them together. It’s enough to tempt him to stay distracted forever, but he finally brings the meal up.
“Are you hungry?”
With a confused frown, Gemini cranes his neck back enough to glance behind Fourth at the table. Fourth watches as his eyes widen, seemingly taking in the food for the first time.
“Fourth, you…” He turns back to Fourth, awestruck and open-mouthed.
“You sounded so tired on the phone this morning,” Fourth explains. “I thought that dinner might make things easier tonight. For you. Might make things better.”
“Fourth…” Gemini trails off. The emotion on his face is so sincere, Fourth thinks he may start crying again. He rubs his hand up and down Gemini’s spine in broad stripes as Gemini says, “ You make things better. Holy shit. What did I do to deserve you?” There are tears in his eyes anew. He’s smiling.
Fourth tells him, “You deserve everything.”
»
Fourth glances down when his phone vibrates to see an unusual text from Gemini.
Gem
Fourth
Just his name. That’s it. Fourth opens their chat and waits a solid minute, but nothing else comes through. Fourth isn’t worried. He slept at Gemini’s last night- after they ate the dinner Fourth made for them and spent all evening easing the stress out of Gemini’s system- but had to be up early for school. And thank fuck he did actually wake up when he needed to because it wasn’t until he was sifting through his backpack that he realized he’d left a textbook that’s required for his first morning class back at his own apartment. So he’d gathered the rest of his stuff, texted Gemini an explanation, and slipped out the door.
But Gemini didn’t say anything about him leaving without waking him up so it must be about something else. With the necessary textbook safely stowed away in his bag and approximately four minutes to spare, Fourth leans against the arm of the couch in his living room and texts Gemini back.
Fourth
yes?
Gem
Did you do my laundry too??
Fourth
well good morning
and yes i did <3
Gem
Good morning!!! <33333 I fucking miss you and I wish you were still in my bed
But you really didn’t have to do that :(
I had so much piled up it must’ve taken you ages
Fourth
okay what the hell
that’s heartbreaking and adorable i wish i was there w you too :(
but it rlly didn’t take that long babe
plus i wanted to so don’t worry about it
Gem
First of all the babe made me fucking drool
Fourth
HUH
Gem
Second of all thank you. Seriously.
Fourth
you don’t need to thank me. seriously :)
Gem
Sweetheart. Thank you.
…
?????
Fourth??
Fourth
what do you want
Gem
LMAO
Are you blushing
Fourth
fuck off
no
Gem
Selfie or you’re a liar
Fourth
sorry can’t
my phone camera’s broken
Gem
That’s not even a good fib
Fourth
you’re not even a good fib
Gem
I think it’s safe to say you’ve lost this round
Fourth
you’re the absolute worst
fine.
Gem
>:D
Thanks again for doing my laundry
Sweetheart
<3
Fourth
DEMON
FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF
»
“See you in a few hours!”
Fourth grunts in agreement and throws a wave over his shoulder at his manager’s booming voice before trudging out of the building to his car. He drops into the driver’s seat with a fatigued huff, trying desperately to disregard the awful ache right behind his eyes. Getting his phone out of his pocket takes way more effort than it should. Calling Gemini is easy.
“Hey, you,” the older boy says as he picks up.
“Hey,” Fourth echoes softly, smiling sluggishly as he works on tugging his seatbelt over his lap. He’s so fucking tired. Hearing Gemini’s voice is so fucking nice. “Are you home?”
Home. It’s a fairly new development- both of them referring to Gemini’s apartment as home. It’s more central to everything they do work and school-wise than Fourth’s flat is, and Fourth sleeps over most nights. So it seemed natural, and fitting. Home. Now an apartment that’s not even under his own name, that belongs to the boy who owns his heart and talks to him with a sweet lilting tone and touches him like he’s everything.
“Can I come over?” Fourth asks once Gemini has confirmed that he’s there. “I just got off work but I need to be back in, like, three hours and I need to take a nap. Or I’ll die.” Gemini laughs, then tells him to drive safe and that he’ll see him soon. He meets him at the door as Fourth’s ditching his bag and toeing off his shoes.
“Hi,” Gemini greets, finding Fourth’s hand and squeezing his fingers before sweeping up to his elbow to pull him into a hug. Fourth sags into his arms, sighing his early morning and filming stress away. The chilliness characteristic of Gemini’s apartment seeps into his clothes and causes Fourth to wriggle into his boyfriend’s chest, searching for warmth. Gemini clutches him tighter, closer, head tilting to rest on his.
This reminds Fourth of the scene they must’ve made a few weeks before when Gemini came home to his surprise dinner. It happens often, actually- tired hugs and general energy sharing. That is the reality of both of them simultaneously chasing their acting careers and being full-time university students.
No matter how many times they hold each other like this, it always feels good. So good. So timeless, so secure. Fourth feels good, and he is absolutely going to fall asleep standing up, right here in Gemini’s arms if they don’t move soon.
“Hey, sleepy,” Gemini says, disentangling himself to hook his thumbs at the crook of Fourth’s jaw and angle his head back. Fourth squints at him in question. “You know you don’t have to ask if you can come over, right?”
Fourth nods, then musters enough energy to rise up and kiss him. Gemini smiles, then guides him to his room. After Fourth’s changed into some of Gemini’s comfy clothes, he grabs Gemini’s hand and tries to tug him over to the bed. “Join me?”
Looking very apologetic, Gemini pecks him on the forehead. “Can’t, baby, I’m sorry. I need to study. Big test tomorrow.”
Now that Fourth thinks of it, he had seen- albeit with bleary vision- Gemini’s notes and books spread out across the table as they passed it. And Fourth himself understands how vital it is to avoid procrastination so he doesn’t push Gemini. End of semester exams will be here before they know it, after all.
The itch to sleep has become insistent, and Fourth decides he needs to be done talking, though he does wish he and Gemini could spend more time together.
“Which bed?” Gemini says. Fourth knows he’s joking, alluding to days when they were friends and Fourth, without fail, would always split away to sleep in the guest room.
“Silly question,” he says, bumping Gemini’s shoulder as he passes him and flopping down onto the blessed give of the mattress. “Our bed,” he mumbles, eyes already closed. Gemini pauses in tucking a blanket around him, but only for a second.
He sits on the edge of the bed by Fourth’s stomach and strokes a hand through Fourth’s hair and says, “I’ll wake you up in time for you to eat before you go.”
That’s sweet. He’s so fucking sweet. Fourth tries to say so, but he’s already dropping off. The last thing he’s aware of is that Gemini still hasn’t let go of his hand.
»
Exams are over and fall break is theirs. Fourth was let out earlier than Gemini so he beats him home. When he finally arrives Fourth tackles him at the door and they smile into each other’s frenzied kisses until Gemini complains about feeling gross and heads to shower the school day off of him. They’re going to order in and cuddle and watch movies and generally laze around after exam week from hell. They start up work schedules again in a few days time, but anything beyond tonight is far from Fourth’s mind.
He sits on the bathroom counter with his back to the wall and his feet practically in the sink while Gemini’s showering, and while he gets out, and while he applies his skincare after getting dressed. They trade stories back and forth, catching each other up on the last couple of days when they hadn’t done much of anything besides studying, taking timed naps, and grabbing bites to eat in-between it all. It’s a travesty that they haven’t been able to look at each other for longer than a few seconds, let alone actually spend time together.
That’s why Fourth thinks he’s perfectly content to watch Gemini pat moisturizer into his skin, and why whatever the fuck he was saying fizzles out completely when Gemini finishes up and turns his full attention to Fourth, arms crossed over his chest, damp hair in eyes.
Neither of them even attempt circling back to Fourth’s previous words because it’s not important now. Gemini’s head is cocked to the side a little and he’s smiling- smirking?- a fraction dangerously and he looks to be as utterly besotted with Fourth as Fourth is with him. That is much more important.
“What?” Fourth says. It comes out thick and throatily and makes Gemini smile even more. The moment swells.
Gemini watches him. Watches him. And Fourth silently pleads Touch me. Come over here. Come closer so I can reach you. Let me touch you. Come here.
“I think,” Gemini says, slowly, “I have a thing for you sitting on counters.”
Fourth finds it within himself to scoff, though part of his subconscious that he hasn’t paid any mind to in days awakens in response to the heat in Gemini’s gaze. Fourth is sure it’s in his own too. Actually, he knows it is. He can feel it. “That makes no sense,” he snarks softly.
“It does to me,” Gemini says. He edges closer. “Promise. Lots of sense.” His fingers fasten around Fourth’s ankle where it's still resting against the sink basin and Fourth’s body sings. Then the hand meanders up his shin. Over a knee. Sliding home over his thigh. “Just sitting there. Pretty.”
Fourth sighs thoughtfully, momentarily ignoring the fire licking at his abdomen. He holds his hand up in the air, ticking up three of his fingers as he lists off, “Pretty, beautiful, baby.” A fourth finger joins the rest. “And the other day you called me sweetheart.”
“I’ve got darling too,” Gemini says, cheeky. Fourth loves him to fucking death. “Just waiting on that one.”
“The hell am I supposed to call you then?” Fourth says, leaning his forearms on Gemini’s shoulders and using the contact to shake him. “You’ve claimed them all.”
Both cunning and shy, Gemini says, “Not honey. Or babe.” Fourth can tell he’s going for nonchalant but the way his shoulder rises suggests-
Fourth shoves at him once more, snickering, “You liked those? Want them to stick around?”
Gemini shrugs, sheepish, but he’s got stars in his eyes. Fourth goes soft around the edges when faced with his breathtaking earnesty. Gemini’s soul is pure and flawless, as is he. As frustrated and tired and angry as he can get. He is Fourth’s soul, his favorite person, his best companion, his motivation, his truth, his breath, his love.
“The names…” Gemini fidgets with the hem of Fourth’s shirt with his free hand in the lapse of silence, eyes only snapping up to his for a second before racing down to safer territory again. “Some people don’t like… Do they bother you?”
Fourth swallows, slipping his fingers through the fine hairs at the base of Gemini’s neck. Gemini leans back into the touch and Fourth gapes at him in the shitty bathroom light because he is magnificent. He moves with the ebb and flow of Fourth’s beck and call and he is the most spectacular, striking person Fourth has ever seen.
In a raw voice, Fourth tells him, “I didn’t say that.”
Gemini’s head shoots up. They’re close enough that his eyes flick to and fro between Fourth’s, unable to meet them both at once. To and fro, to and fro, then down to his lips. The triangle, again. Again.
The silence isn’t so silent anymore, not with the blood roaring in Fourth’s ears. The air around them thickens, cocooning them in a warmth only climbing upwards in degrees, and Fourth will never tire of this. This dance they’ve created. The trust they’ve long since established. Their push and pull.
“Which one’s your favorite?” Gemini asks, and if Fourth could pin a color to the tone of his voice it would match the near black, heady promise of his eyes.
“I don’t know if I should tell you that,” Fourth whispers. There’s a tremor directly beneath his skin and he welcomes the way it engulfs him. It’s all a part of the dance.
Gemini clicks his tongue against his teeth once, then airily concedes, “That’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”
Fourth propels himself off the wall, twisting his body so one leg slips off the counter and he can accommodate tugging Gemini’s body into his space by the grip he’s got on his hair. His nerves light up at the gasp he gets out of the older, and he presses a breathless smile to Gemini’s jaw as he says, “Why’s that?”
The hand Gemini’s got on his thigh is squeezing now and the other has found his hip and Fourth isn’t smiling anymore. His eyes droop, parted mouth going slack against Gemini’s neck.
“Because I know which one it is anyway,” Gemini says. Fourth rocks his head back so he can see him, some part of himself still reveling in Gemini’s eyelids fluttering as he scratches at his scalp, but not coming up with a reply otherwise. Words have failed him, and he’s quite ready to be done dancing. Low, teasing, and so close Fourth can already taste him, Gemini murmurs, “We both know, huh, baby?”
Later, Fourth will explain to Gemini that he really doesn’t have a favorite. He likes baby. He likes sweetheart. He likes all of them, but at the end of the day, they’re just names. It’s Gemini calling him those names that affects him so much. It’s Gemini being the one saying them that drives Fourth up a wall. It’s his voice. It’s the influence he has on Fourth’s mind and body, and it’s the fact that they are both well aware of it. It’s the trust and the love.
For now, Fourth just surges forward to stifle a whimper against Gemini’s mouth and willingly dunks under velvet waves of fervor. There’s a lot of tugging at each other after that, a lot of labored breaths, a lot of babbled assents and strangled sounds. Gemini’s hand slides up from Fourth’s thigh and finds the front of his sweats, the heel of his palm applying pressure there hard.
Fourth crumples into him, gasping, and the last vestige of his sanity prompts him to say, “Gem-” a heave for breath- “you just showered.”
Gemini slings Fourth’s leg around his hip and drags his ass to the edge of the counter to press them together in a slow grind. The same noise escapes them both and Fourth will wax poetic about the beauty of their in-syncness later, when he’s not concentrating on Gemini biting back, “Fourth, I really don’t fucking care.”
And- well. Fourth really doesn’t care either.
»
Three mornings later, Fourth wakes up to Gemini’s touch gliding down the side of his face. He can feel the warmth of sunlight on his arm and hear nothing else in the apartment except Gemini’s breathing. Fourth has no idea what time it is. He sighs softly, smiling when Gemini starts to hum a familiar tune. Gemini traces the upturn of Fourth’s mouth and that’s when Fourth opens his eyes.
Gemini quits humming the classic birthday song to say, “Happy birthday.”
They’re both on their sides, facing each other. Fourth adores waking up next to him. Turning his head, he kisses Gemini’s fingertips. “Thank you.”
Not long after this gentle exchange, Gemini starts to get antsy.
“What’s wrong with you?” Fourth laughs, rubbing Gemini’s side. The older boy’s practically vibrating under his touch.
“Can I give you your present? Right now?”
Fourth keeps his amusement mostly to himself so Gemini doesn’t think he’s making fun of him. He’s not. Gemini’s excitement is simply very contagious and enjoyable to witness.
Once Fourth agrees, Gemini sits up and pulls on Fourth’s arms so he’ll follow. Gemini’s hair is frizzy and a piece in the back is literally sticking straight out and he looks like he’ll buzz out of his body at any moment. Looks like he can’t wait for Fourth to be in on this little secret. But he doesn’t look afraid. Not one bit.
Fourth complies when Gemini requests that he close his eyes and listens to the older tossing the blankets aside so he can go grab the gift.
It’s only when he’s sitting in front of Fourth so closely their knees bump that he says Fourth can look. He’s holding out an envelope. Fourth takes it, glancing up wide-eyed at Gemini’s face, but his boyfriend merely offers him a reassuring smile, not an explanation. Fourth opens the letter with care, then starts to read.
Fot,
Happy 21st baby. This is a big one, a big milestone- and a big one for us too! The first birthday we’re celebrating since we got together! I can’t believe how lucky I am. How blessed. I think about this all the time and my head starts to spin and I get all dizzy because we’re here. Together. I cannot believe it. I get to hold you and touch you and care for you. I get to tell you you’re beautiful whenever I want to instead of keeping it to myself. I get to watch you get excited about work and I get to hear you laugh about stupid shit and I get to see you smile and light up whichever fucking room you walk into. I cannot fathom it.
You work so hard. You are endlessly dedicated- to work, to school, to your family, friends, and to me. I am especially grateful and in awe of that last one. And I am going to make you rest today! Maybe the whole week. Birthday week ;) Because you deserve a break- let alone the undeniable fact that you’ve earned it.
Even though I dislike how much you tend to drive yourself into the ground sometimes (because I care about you, dipshit (lovingly)) I very much admire that drive and I hope you know how proud I am of all that you’ve achieved in this past year alone.
No matter what this next year brings, I will be by your side. Through all of our great days. Through all of our hard days, tired days, bad, sad, and mad days. We will have each other. I will be right beside you doing everything I can to support you. And if (for some horrible reason) I’m not physically beside you, I am literally a couple minutes drive and phone call away.
You are the sweetest, kindest, most hardworking person I know, Fourth. Thank you for being a constant inspiration to me and, of course, my favorite fucking person on this planet. Happy birthday <3
- Gem
When Fourth raises his head, eyes misty with oncoming tears, Gemini just smiles softly and hands him a box he’d hidden behind his back. It’s small. And familiar. Actually, it’s nearly identical to a box Fourth gave Gemini four months ago. Gingerly, Fourth eases the top off the container and peers past the blurriness of his own vision to look inside.
It’s a necklace. Sterling silver. Simple. Stunning. Carefully, Fourth picks the small metal circle up and lifts the necklace out of its bed, bringing it out into the open so he can turn it over, surely to see-
There it is. In font identical to that of the engraving on Gemini’s necklace reads the phrase My heart.
And Fourth starts to cry. It’s a noiseless thing, just the wind’s passage through buildings flanking a bay, just sunlight shimmering through tree foliage to meet the ground below. Present, but quiet. Easily overlooked, maybe, but Fourth feels it wholly. Feels grateful and undeserving and appreciated, feels cared for and looked after and held in another’s highest interest. Feels that he never could have had this with anyone else, and certainly never will now.
Fourth hopes with everything he has, everything he is, that there will never be an anyone else. Because he will fight for them- for this, for Gemini and his honey eyes and attentive touch- forever. He will fight and work and cry and love for them, for as long as Gemini will have him. He will and he knows it too. Knows it like he knows the sound of Gemini’s footsteps, like he knows his pealing laughter in a room full of people. Knows it as undoubtedly and immovably as he knows he loves him.
With tears on his cheeks and an overflowing heart, Fourth finally, finally arrives at the threshold he’s been hesitating behind forever. He sets the necklace aside and takes Gemini’s face in both of his hands, and steps over the line.
“I love you.”
Gemini softens. He smiles. And he doesn’t appear to be surprised in the slightest, which puts Fourth’s mind at ease more than anything else could.
“I love you,” Gemini says right back. “I’ve loved you for so long.”
“Me too,” Fourth half-sobs. There’s laughter strung throughout it too, a double-edged sword of sharp relief. He leans forward to kiss Gemini, disarmed by the older’s tongue slipping into his mouth for a brief moment. “Fuck, me too. You have no idea.”
Gemini’s glowing. He’s so close and he’s so beautiful. He says, “Tell me.”
So Gemini puts the necklace on for him because Fourth’s fingers are shaking and Fourth sketches his affection onto Gemini’s skin wherever he can reach and they tell each other when they fell in love with each other.
Later, when they’re lying down in an exact replica of the positions they woke up in, just with shed clothes and newly sated smiles, Gemini touches Fourth’s necklace and says, “I would say sorry for copying your idea, but I’d be lying. I’m not sorry.”
Fourth shakes his head. “No, I… This is everything. Thank you. I love it.”
“I love you,” Gemini says without missing a beat.
Fourth rolls his eyes even as his stomach flips over itself. He flicks Gemini in the chest, but doesn’t poke fun at him beyond that; he acknowledges it would be exceptionally hypocritical of him to act like he doesn’t care to hear those words aloud when he rather delights in it.
The way Gemini’s eyes can go serious and tender in a millisecond should be studied. Fourth should study it. Maybe if he fully understands it, he can make Gemini feel like this too. But then again, Fourth knows he’s already accomplished that. Because Gemini cradles his jaw with one hand and strokes his cheek and looks like he’s got the entire world at his disposal while looking at Fourth, as Fourth stares at him in return, equally as devoted.
“My heart,” Gemini whispers.
“My soul,” Fourth whispers back..
They lie there and breathe in the warm morning silence as their future unfolds before them, and Fourth feels precious and held and brave. They lie there, necklaces tangled from how close they are to each other, tangled like their arms and their legs and their love for one another. Forever a unit, forever connected.
Heart and soul, intertwined.