Work Text:
There was a timid knock on his office door. Jinki looked up from bottom shelf where he was sat on the floor re-arranging books and saw Taemin standing awkwardly at the threshold. Jinki didn't know why but he was suddenly nervous. Shaking the feeling, he pulled his body up from the floor, using his desk for support before turning to Taemin with one of his famous smile.
"What can I do for you, Lee Taemin?" he asked good-naturedly. Taemin was in one his creative writing workshops even though the workshops were only mandatory for English seniors and Taemin was a sophomore.
Taemin opened his mouth to speak but then closed it again having said nothing. He did this several times, becoming more and more frustrated. Jinki smiled at him encouragingly, busying his fingers with the papers on his desk so as not to make Taemin feel self-conscious.
"I was wondering if you could help me with a problem I am having," Taemin finally said.
Jinki leaned back against his desk, folding his arms. "That's what I'm here for."
"In my last evaluation you gave me another C and I don't understand why."
Jinki nodded resolutely. "I see. Let me take a look at it. Do you have the paper with you?" he asked casually, as though he hadn't already memorized most parts of it. Taemin wasn’t a particularly bad writer; in fact he showed incredible talent last semester in his poetry workshop but this semester was something of a disaster with every assignment progressively worse than the one before.
Taemin fished through his messy backpack as Jinki arranged the two visitor's chairs so that they could closely go over the work. Maybe the chairs were a little too close because their knees bumped when Taemin sat down and leaned forward as Jinki quickly scanned through the paper.
Jinki was acutely aware of Taemin’s hot gaze on his face, watching for the slightest of reaction on a carefully neutral countenance. Grammar and punctuation weren’t the problem – they never were. Taemin’s storytelling read like the Webster’s New World Grammar Handbook; there was no feeling behind the words and that was not what the Introduction to Erotica workshop was about. It was not what creative writing was about.
“So,” Jinki spoke up, the sound jarring sound in the thick silence. He stalled a bit thinking of how to tell the truth gently. “Your grammar and punctuation are impeccable,” he started off diplomatically. “But this reads more of a how-to manual than an erotic story. The words are clinical and emotionally disconnected.” Jinki looked up from the paper and startled at how close their faces were. He leaned back taking a breath. He noticed how Taemin’s eyes followed his left hand as he pinned his dark locks behind his ear because they still weren’t long enough to be held back with tie.
"Clinical and emotionally disconnected," Taemin repeated sullenly, his eyes drifting to the floor.
“Erotica isn’t about sex, it’s about how people feel about sex,” Jinki explained watching Taemin carefully.
“Sex is great! People should have more of it,” Taemin exclaimed suddenly energized.
Jinki smiled to hide his slight embarrassment at the Taemin’s words. “What I mean is it’s not so important in which hole the character is penetrated but rather how the characters feels about penetration and what penetration feels like to them.” Jinki was actually proud of himself for not going redder in the face. Even though he had taught the Intro to Erotica workshop for two semesters, he still felt bashful at having to double as a sex educator.
“But how can I write about something I’ve never felt?” Taemin complained. “I mean there’s only so much I can know from watching porn and touching myself.”
Jinki wasn’t expecting that and just about choked on air. He quickly got up and closed the door to his office, hoping Taemin’s voice didn’t carry down the hall.
“Okay,” he said trying not to sound too flustered.
“You said we should draw from our experiences…” Taemin continued, almost whining.
“Yes, yes,” Jinki interrupted, leaning against the door. This way there was distance between them. At least the porn explained the dialogue in Taemin’s stories. “You don’t have to have been in a bdsm relationship to write about what spanking feels like for the submissive.”
Taemin grunted in frustration, “But it makes for a better story.”
Jinki was slightly alarmed at the implication. He certainly could not advocate for his student’s to engage in unconventional sexual behavior for the sake of a more convincing story line. Besides, there were other ways. “Taemin, close your eyes.”
“What?”
Jinki chuckled at the confusion in Taemin’s face. “We’re going to do a sense description exercise. Just like the ones we did the first week of the workshop.”
Taemin closed his eyes and Jinki was a little breathless at the implicit trust Taemin was showing him. He had only done this exercise in front of a whole class where it wasn’t quite so intimate and he was guaranteed to have a few jokers to lighten the mood.
He sighed before he began guiding the exercise. “Imagine you’re in a relationship with someone you like.”
Taemin nodded and smiled.
“This will be the first time you’ll be intimate with them,” Jinki continued, lowering his voice slightly. “How do you feel about it?”
Taemin screwed his face, thinking.
“No, don’t think, feel. It doesn’t have to be your emotions; it can be the temperature of the room; it can be the smells in the room; it can be the sounds in the room.”
“It smells sweet, like caramel and coffee,” Taemin answered.
Jinki’s eyes fell on the empty cup of macchiato in his wastepaper basket. “Ok.”
“There’s also peppermint and something deeper, warmer. I don’t know a name for it.”
“What do you feel?”
“I feel the hair on my arms when the air from the A/C unit blows.”
Jinki smiled. “Good, that’s good. What else?”
“I feel nervous.”
“Yes, but how do you feel nervous? What’s going on with your body?” Jinki gently prompted.
“Um, I can feel my heart beat in my veins.”
Jinki watched as Taemin took in a deep breath and exhale slowly as though to calm himself down.
“You’re doing great,” he assured the other. “What about your lover? Where are they?”
Taemin paused before he answered. “He is standing at the door.”
Jinki’s heart picked up in speed and he was cautious when he asked the next question. “What is he doing?”
“He is watching me,” Taemin matched Jinki’s hushed tone.
Jinki now knew why he had been nervous when he first saw Taemin standing at his door. Even though Taemin could have been thinking about anyone, Jinki wasn’t dumb. He had been the subject of many a student's thinly veiled erotic overtures, and he knew that Taemin nurtured something of a crush on him for the better part of a year. Why else would he take workshops that were non-credited for freshmen, sophomores, and juniors?
And now, at a quarter passed five when the English building was near empty, they were alone.
“Taemin,” Jinki started what was going to be a speech about how he isn’t allowed to get involved with his students – which wasn’t technically true; as a graduate teaching assistant, he was also a student. He just didn’t want to deal with the invasion of privacy that came with the full disclosure form.
“I like the way he says my name. It’s almost like he’s begging,” Taemin interrupted, the beginnings of smirk pulling at the left corner of his mouth.
Jinki raised his eyebrow. Begging? He certainly did not sound like he was begging. “Where is he now?” he asked, moving away from the door.
“He’s coming towards me.”
This is just an exercise, Jinki told himself as he took the seat opposite Taemin.
“He’s nervous,” Taemin chuckled. “I can hear it in the way he breathes.”
“Why is he nervous?” Jinki whispered, watching Taemin’s nostrils flare at the warm breath on his face.
“Because I want to touch him,” Taemin replied, his palms sliding up his thighs. “And I want him to touch me.” His palms slid back down his thighs.
Taemin angled his head and Jinki swallowed. Doubtless, Taemin was attractive, beautiful even, and the nonchalance way in which he carried his good looks was charming. It wouldn’t have taken much to close the gap between them.
This is just an exercise, he told himself, as he leaned forward and kissed Taemin. He could do this much because it was just an exercise. Besides, Taemin wasn’t getting credit for the workshop anyway. “How did that feel?”
Taemin smiled, leaned forward and kissed Jinki. This time, he didn’t just press their lips together. He sucked on Jinki’s lower lip, creating space for his tongue to slip in.
“He’s trembling,” Taemin commented.
Jinki looked down to find Taemin’s hands on his thigh.
“Or is it me?” Taemin continued.
Jinki held his breath as the hands on his thighs moved up, earning a small smile from Taemin.
Just then Jinki’s phone went off – a reminder of the blind date his mother set up for him. “I –“ he croaked. “I think we’ll stop here for today.”
Taemin’s eyes widened, “So I can come back?” he asked hopefully.
Jinki was going to remind him of his open door policy but given the context it would have been a loaded statement. He could see how this – whatever this was – could devolve it into something…sordid.
“Of course,” Jinki replied, casually. “Just be sure to keep to my office hours, 2:30 to 4:30 Monday, Wednesday and Friday,” he added, ignoring the slight frown on Taemin’s face. But there was a strange look in the student’s eye, a glint that seemed to say that he was patient.