Work Text:
In the dark of his cabin, the sound of ocean waves flowed gently in the background. She wished she could just float away. Sure, was it weird that she was hanging out in her boyfriend’s cabin because sometimes the Athena cabin felt overbearing? Maybe, but she knew Chiron didn’t care. She’d faked a smile and claimed a migraine the past three days when Piper and Hazel came to check on her, leaving them with slightly worried expressions, but no pushback. No one else knew how to act around her anyway. It was like they were terrified but all too gentle at the same time. Like she could break at any moment but she was the strongest person they had ever seen. Yeah, she could break at any moment. And here she was. Breaking.
You can’t be depressed when you’re fighting a war. There’s no time. So, apparently, that’s why you wait until afterward. Then the entire weight of the world comes crashing down. And trust me, Annabeth knew what it felt like to carry the weight of the world.
Percy finally went home to see Sally and Paul a few days ago. Gods know he needed to be back with them. 8 months of them barely knowing if he was alive. That’s how she ended up here. In her boyfriend’s cabin. Sitting alone. In the darkness. Wishing the waves would just take her under. Not forever. Just for enough time to make the pain lessen. Losing her boyfriend - her best friend, only to find him again and head directly towards a new war. Watching her friends go through fight after fight after fight. Battling monsters like their lives depended on it - and it did. Leaving Percy to find the Athena Parthenos. Walking through Tartarus. Gods, Tartarus. Fighting Gaea. Leo. And now, it was all so overwhelming that it felt empty.
Her Percy. Her Seaweed Brain. He’d always been the strong one - but gods, after you’ve walked through literal hell, sometimes it doesn’t feel like there’s much left to live for. It’s not that she wanted to die. Holy Hephaestus, she had been too close to that too many times, and she had just gotten Percy back. She could never do that. But if she was being honest, deep down, she was so glad he was gone right now. Annabeth had been holding on to threads for the past week as they began rebuilding the destruction that ran through camp. The war was over. She had Percy back in her arms. They survived against all odds yet again, but yet all she wanted to do was sit in the dark and let it all wash over her.
So she tried to hug her body close, to curl her stomach closer into her spine, and tuck away. At this point her breaths became shallow and her body shook with tremors. She felt her weakness - the one she’s pushed away for years because there’s no time to be depressed when the world is about to cave in around you. Continuing to sit in bed, because it took too much effort to lay down, Annabeth winced at the mere action of resting her head on the back of the wall. At some point, her body would just breathe on its own, right? She wouldn’t have to work so damn hard to will herself to keep taking a breath: In and out. In and out. In and out. Good, Annabeth, you’re still living. Just keep living. Even if it’s in the darkness. If I just slip into sleep , she thought, then I can just forget for a few hours. It’ll all just nod into nothingness. A temporary medication for the emptiness in her soul. At some point, her body gave up trying to feel the hollowness and just gave into it - letting the waves crash over her in sleep.
Later in the night, the door to the Poseidon cabin opened. A young man stopped and stood still in the doorway. The faint light from the moon shined into the cabin. It illuminated his figure. The smell of sea salt drifted into the room. Annabeth stirred awake, but she couldn’t bring herself to do anything more than open her eyes.
Percy looked at her half-dazed and half-desperate gaze from the entryway. Gods, Wise Girl. What have you done to yourself this time? he thought.
He crossed the room to sit at the edge of his bed. Usually, when things got bad, she poured herself into reading or solving any problem that ever existed. She was good at that - solving all the world’s problems. He’d never seen her like this. He cursed at himself for missing that she was feeling this way. Of course, she would feel this way. Of course, she would be stubborn enough to wait for him to leave. To deal with it and figure it out herself.
Percy peered at her again. His navy, wave-patterned hoodie rested over her slim frame. The hood covered her blonde curls. They’d both lost too much weight in Tartarus, but it was still clear to Percy that she hadn’t eaten in days. Not really knowing what else to do, he simply asked,
“Can I hold you right now?”
Annabeth couldn’t bring the strength to her voice, so she barely nodded her head. She winced inside at the amount of effort it took just to make the motion.
Percy crawled over to where she sat against the wall. He tried to make as little movement on the bed as possible. Once he reached her, he slowly pulled his arm around her body. His other hand reached up to lower her head onto his shoulder.
They sat in that position, in the quietness of their breathing, for a long time. Annabeth was the one to break the silence.
“Percy, I’m breaking.” Her voice was hoarse, just barely over a whisper.
Percy reached his head down to whisper in her ear:
“Wise Girl, you’re not breaking; you’re hurting. And it’s okay to hurt.”
“I’m weak.”
Percy cupped her cheek to turn her head towards him.
“Annabeth, you try to solve all the world’s problems. You’re wise beyond years, and it’s not just because of who your mother is, it’s because of who you are. Gods know I would’ve been dead 100x over at this point if it weren’t for you. You are my rock. My world. But that doesn’t mean that you have to bear that weight alone. Sometimes, Annabeth,” he paused to push back a small piece of hair that fell over her eyes, “Sometimes you need to let someone else in. You aren’t alone and on the run anymore. I’m not going to break if you tell me, and I’m not going to leave you. Never again. I know you think that it’s a burden to lean on other people when it comes to feelings, but I promise, Annabeth, you are not a burden. I might not be able to fix the problem, but I can be here for you. Let me be here for you.”
Percy felt the small shakes of her body and the wetness of her tears on his shoulder. He let her sit in the emotion for a while. Once he felt the quiet sobs eased up, he asked,
“When was the last time you ate or used the bathroom?”
Annabeth shook her head. She didn’t know.
“Percy, I don’t think I can move right now.”
He looked at her. His heart broke for her.
“That’s okay. I’m going to help you get out of the hoodie, and then I’m going to carry you, okay?”
Annabeth shook her head.
“Not yet.”
“Okay. You let me know when you’re ready.”
Percy made the move to shift her up into a sitting position. He helped place her body in front of his own so she could lean back into his chest. Wrapping both arms around her, he pulled her body in even tighter to his chest. Percy felt her body tense and then relax at the warmth and pressure that now enveloped her. At some point, Percy started to hear the quiet breaths that turned deep with the softening of her body falling asleep.
Annabeth realized she must’ve slept for at least a couple of hours when she woke up. She was still . . . dark, but she felt a little better. A little . . . lighter. It was enough that she could grab on to the arms that surrounded her protectively.
“Hey Wise Girl,” Percy whispered gently, after feeling her shift to hold onto his arms. “Can I help you out of the hoodie now? I think you at least have to try to use the bathroom. I’m not going to make you do anything else if you don’t want to, but I can help with anything you need.”
She slowly nodded in response. Shifting her body into a more upright position, Percy began to remove the hoodie and the sweatpants from her body. Annabeth raised her arms to allow him to take the item off her upper body. Then, he placed one hand firmly on her back and gripped the other one tightly onto her hand. He helped her gradually move into a standing position so she could remove the sweats from her lower half.
Standing in just an athletic bra and spandex shorts, she felt him scoop her up into his arms. Percy began to carry her down into the corner bathroom.
He opened the door and helped her get inside, and then he closed the door to give her space and privacy. He ran a hand through his hair and let out a deep breath while he waited for her to finish. The door opened, and he saw Annabeth slowly peek her head out.
“Hey, Percy, will you help me . . . ummm, will you help me wash my hair?’ She peered up at him, her grey eyes starting to gain back just the smallest spark of their fire.
Percy rubbed the back of his neck. He was a bit shocked at the request. Even though they had known each other for years, and were dating, and had seen her in life-or-death situations; he’d never seen her this vulnerable. This just seemed so . . . intimate.
“Umm yeah, for sure.” He helped guide her over to the edge of the tub. Whoever designed this cabin must’ve thought all of Poseidon’s children would be mermaids. The tub was huge. Lowering her to sit in front of the tub lip with her hair hanging over the edge, he grabbed a cup off the sink and started running warm water.
Percy began to fill the cup and run the water over her blonde hair. He saw her close her eyes and relax into the steam that had started to surround them. He grabbed the shampoo and slowly worked it into her hair. He took the care and diligence to completely rinse out all of the soap after he was done lathering it through her hair. He went to grab a towel and asked,
“Annabeth, are you cold?”
“Just a little,” she responded.
“I’m going to grab a towel. I’ll be right back.”
Annabeth nodded. Washing her hair had helped with everything; she didn’t feel quite as hazy anymore.
Percy came back into the bathroom with one of his other hoodies (this one had a shark on it) and a towel. He helped Annabeth into the sweatshirt and gave the towel to her for her hair.
“I would try to help you wrap your hair up in it like I’ve seen my mom do, but honestly, I don’t think it would end well.”
Annabeth gave a small smile in reply. Normally, she would share a comment that involved the words “Seaweed Brain,” how it definitely wouldn’t end well with the towel, and how she’d have to teach him at some point. But tonight, she was just thankful.
They walked out of the bathroom together, each one having an arm wrapped around the other person. Percy led her back towards the bed and sat her down.
“I’ll be back,” he said, kissing her forehead. “I promise.” Percy exited the cabin, leaving the door open just a crack. He came back after a couple of minutes with two steaming mugs in his hands. He set one on the nightstand beside the bed. Then, he reached an arm around her and placed himself in the spot by her side. She reached for the mug. He heard them both let out a deep breath.
“Percy, how did you know?” Annabeth stared emptily into her mug.
Percy looked down at her, a sad expression appearing on his face.
“Piper and Hazel Iris-messaged me. They knew it was more than a migraine. And truthfully, they didn’t know how to help you. They thought it was something only I would understand. We’ve both been grieving, and I don’t think we’ve thought of checking in on each other because it’s easier to sit in our own grief sometimes. I think we try to punish ourselves by not seeking others. And the stuff we saw, gods, Annabeth, that’s going to haunt us forever. No one else understands what we walked through - except us. Except Nico. I know you wanted to act like it was okay like it was just another thing we had to go through as demigods, but it was not okay, Annabeth. I scared you down there. I know I did. I scared myself down there. What we faced, it’s not something we can solve with a simple answer. This is going to take time, and truthfully, it’s never going to go away. But I have hope that over time it’ll fade. But I can’t hold on to that hope if you aren’t being honest with how you feel. I don’t need you to be brave or strong for me. Hell, I don’t even need you to be wise for me. I just need you to be here with me.”
Annabeth gave him a soft smile.
“Percy, I love you, and I appreciate what you are saying, I really do. But I also can’t be the only one breaking down.”
Percy shot her an incredulous look.
“I went home this weekend, Annabeth, and the first thing I did was collapse into my mom’s arms. I literally passed out because I was so overwhelmed. Paul didn’t know what to do. It’s not a weakness to show vulnerability, just like it’s not a weakness to need help in battle.”
“You probably freaked Paul out.”
Percy laughed, “You would be right about that. He thought I was hurt - started collecting all the ambrosia and nectar in the cabinets.”
Lifting the mug up to her mouth, Annabeth took a small sip of the liquid. It was warm and smooth. She thought it tasted like warm milk with . . . nutmeg and maybe cinnamon too. It was good, really good. And blue. Of course it was blue
Percy saw her take a sip of the drink. He said,
“My mom used to make that for me whenever I couldn’t fall asleep or when I would wake up from nightmares. She said it always reminded her of a hug in a cup. And hugs are a physical representation of love, so it was just another way of saying, ‘I love you.’”
Annabeth leaned further back into him. She looked up into his caring eyes and said,
“I love you, Percy. Thank you. For everything.”