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So, this has all been useless. Which doesn't mean he regrets trying, obviously, but… ah, they shared a solid sort of friendship during the first Trial, it seemed, and Mikoto is- well, looks like a person competent enough to understand the severity of the situation – and that's where the contradiction lies, he supposes. Mikoto's certainly called himself that, but after all everyone wears their own masks. If Mikoto doesn't want to have a serious conversation on the topic of the last conflict, then such is his.
He just looked so sincerely confused that Kazui even brought up the idea that Kazui feels like doubting most things he knew of him, by now. This way, it's strange, but it's gonna have to be none of his business anymore, unless Mikoto does intervene and become a problem. He has bigger, named issues arising.
To be fair, Mikoto is close to one. But again: he should stop thinking, and just look out.
He noticed: in a way this is close to comforting, perhaps in a way he doesn't deserve. Reminds him of the old days, any of the planning, keeping his mind in check. Not letting him get off-track. Feeling… responsible again, eh? It's not that he'd particularly trust himself with a life anymore, but he's good at this one thing, and he's worried yet assured in his position. Helps him not think of what the Warden might come up with for his verdicts, too, and what it'll mean. Because when he does think of that he just becomes awfully soft, and that's not what all of the other prisoners need of him.
Kazui sighs, and crosses a hand over his face when the calming silence of his mind keeps telling him to get more comfortable, maybe hug himself to sleep, for once.
INNOCENT, isn't he?
He's worried he'll have to offer to spend nights in with others, or keep watch in the Panopticon itself, soon. Shidou would probably agree, if no one else.
Kazui jumps off the bed in moments when he hears the door creak, before he even sees the potential attacker in the half-dark of the cell – their own uncaring movements already betrayed them, hah; before they lean against the wall and he sees the white, well, obviously, it's a straitjacket, and thinks the truth might've been they wanted to be immediately found out.
This one's a familiar belt pattern.
"Mikoto-kun…?" he asks carefully. Settles back down, when the person doesn't quite answer and simply keeps staring, silently.
"Kazui," they acknowledge. Mikoto doesn't seem… all so comfortable, even by the marks of a formerly unforgiven prisoner; he's always only showed… some form of forced compassion for everyone, that Kazui saw. Except some moments. Like this one. That may be the reason he's been feeling so worried about him joining forces with Yuzuriha Kotoko.
"This is about earlier," he admits easily. That's a start, surely a good start (oh, the sarcasm), even if he's not sure where to drive the conversation from here.
Unlike popular belief, John does know a good amount of Kayano Mikoto's speech patterns. Physical mannerisms. Issues that bother him in the middle of the night horribly, because of course that'd be all something that would stop him from falling asleep, too. Lots of things. It's what makes their relationship theirs. He's used that knowledge for the safety of Mikoto's sometimes, and it even felt a little bit like a truth. Well, that he's masquerading as "himself" and it works, everyone believes. It's much more secure than trying to pick apart things that make him him and put them up on display, (…even though no one will be particularly aware anyway).
He's had two main masks: a Kayano Mikoto, and a monster.
The second one won't exactly cut it this time, but he's not sure if the first will.
"You know, when you…" he shrugs. It's uncomfortable to talk about, he can remember Mikoto's discontent and almost fear too well, and not being able to do anything with it. "Listen." The feeling curls up in his stomach into a coiled spring, and he crosses his hands. There's an important point to this, why he came to Kazui and not someone else, and why Kazui was gonna try to chat the shit out with "him" in the first place. "You want to protect the others, right?"
Kazui breathes out loudly, and he pretty much can discern the disbelief on his face. Well, he'd better believe soon.
"Right, that… was behind what I was attempting to talk to you about, yes," he nods slowly. "I… have to ask, did you change your mind?"
Oh, fuck this thing.
He takes a couple steps forward, watching, and he needs Kazui to take this all seriously but he wants to shake him by the shoulders for it to really work. He's not gonna. Kazui'd retaliate, probably, and it's not worth the trouble. But he wants to, so badly. Kazui doesn't even move much, just looks back.
Thing is, he's like him.
"You helped take care of the-" fucking lunatic, "Kotoko last time too. Right?"
Kazui shifts a little.
"I will do that again if I have to," he replies, kind of chilly, kind of like he's expecting him to attack him right now or something.
"Good," John replies, and watches him raise his eyebrows. Stands there, a bit like an idiot, because he can't decide on whether or not he's allowed to take the offer. He's come here already. "I'm not gonna work with her. No matter what happens, I'll never work with her." It. Burns. Up.
Kazui makes out an 'oh', still surprised one. "I suppose…" he mutters, trying to find the words, "alright. Thank you, Mikoto-kun."
(Like a slap in the face).
That's not what he came here for. Not really, right. He's just too- too- too- much of a fuckup over everything to actually admit that much.
"Kazui?" comes out like a pathetic croak, "Wait." He wasn't even going anywhere. Just waiting for him to leave, at worst.
Kazui stays put, of course.
Mikoto has his lips pressed together, and almost looks like it's all the old times – not even in a good way necessarily. Kind of hypocritically, he just means… he seems more humane again, when he shows that this all is harsh on him too.
"You offered to team up," it sounds a little small now. "That's what you actually meant." Kazui… wants to smile. (Maybe it is, like the old times.)
"I suppose?" He pats on the side of the bed. "Another pair of hands would just be helpful right now. Considering you're not going to ally with somebody like Yuzuriha… san." He remembers he never quite said her name in a while. 'Yuzuriha-chan', the intense and confident young woman from the first Trial, feels like she's no more. Although who knows how right he is about her…
"'I'd never," Mikoto says, almost apathetically. He's already told as much. Kazui nods again.
This is actually a good thing, John thinks. If there's one person he'd actually "trust" with Mikoto, in this whole cardboard box of an establishment, it'd maybe be Kazui. Weren't they friends before, too? That says nothing, absolutely nothing, but Kazui keeps reminding him of himself and feeling too safe, and Mikoto would be so, so happy (will be, when he knows), and just thinking about that is too fucking cheesy.
He's actually sat down on the bed where Kazui pointed. He thinks his brain turned off while he did, because why the hell.
"Mikoto-kun…" Kazui starts thoughtfully, from the side now, and John's not looking. Just lets his face twitch a bit, in the dark, as he sags, relaxing slightly, and his posture gets all too awful. "You're not really yourself now, are you?"
Cold.
He's said something. Oh. It was, "what?". Might've not even been that questioning.
Kazui's staring him down.
"Forgive this old man if I'm wrong, or- if I'm overstepping." Kazui doesn't make a movement to pat him on the shoulder, nothing of the sort, just goes quiet. Mikoto… Mikoto? curls seemingly even more in, on himself, and he does- he probably shouldn't have asked, should he. He just couldn't figure if it… would it be rude to assume something, and then, if it would've been a "secret" the kinds of which you don't ask if you want to keep a relationship. It being real or no as the starting point.
"Shut up," Mikoto makes out, thick.
The cell is in silence, then.
It could've really… simply been another case of the masks.
Kazui wasn't even really the one who first had this idea, nowhere close, but then, Mikoto was too absent to get to know him better at all, and everyone was worried all in their own ways, and so forth.
Kazui breathes in too loudly and too close again, and says, like he's unsure of it himself, "No matter, thank you."
He's already said that. It's like they're such strangers there's nothing possibly they could tell each other at all.
John cackles.
Gets up slowly, as the bed screeches, and just gets stuck by the exit again when Kazui doesn't try to stop him or anything. Has his fingers pressed to the wall, and sighs slightly as he looks back. Kazui's almost indiscernible from there.
"It's John," he says. "For fuck's sake. My name's John."
And leaves.