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There was something about Niragi Suguru's streams that drew Asahi in, something she just couldn't quite put her finger on.
Momoka said it was because the man was "smoking hot". That might have been true - who was Asahi to judge? - but there was also that indisputable fact that Niragi Suguru was most definitely a man, and as such not exactly part of the circle of people Asahi felt attracted to.
Not that she'd ever tell her best friend that, of course. For numerous reasons, really, but mostly because Asahi hadn't quite managed to discard that timid and insecure part of her personality that had been so prominent back in high school.
Also, the guy was a lot older than her, 34 if she remembered correctly, which made him thirteen years her senior and put him firmly in the "way too old" category of things.
So, all in all, Asahi could safely say that she didn't watch Niragi Suguru's streams because he was somebody she secretly wanted to be with.
But maybe, just maybe, she watched him because he was somebody she secretly wanted to be like.
If Asahi's mother ever caught her watching his streams, she would be absolutely appalled. Nothing about the man screamed respectable member of society. Not his long hair that reached over his shoulders whenever he didn't pull it up into a bun, not the numerous piercings that adorned his ears, eyebrows, nose, and lips, and certainly not the way he couldn't seem to go five minutes without cussing like a sailor.
"I don't give a fuck what people think", he always said whenever it came up in one of his streams. " I'm not here to make money, I'm not here to get people to like me, and I'm certainly not gonna stop, so you either deal with it or you can go and fuck right off."
Asahi wanted to be more like that. Maybe without the cussing, but she wanted to have his confidence, his smarts, she wanted to have his no-fucks-given attitude on the world, because currently, it was more of the "anxiety takes the reign" kind of situation, and it sucked.
She'd already gotten three piercings in her left ear and one in her right, which, while not much if you looked at the bigger picture, was still huge in her estimation. Next was her hair, but that was still very much a work in progress. And after that...who knew? Maybe she would expand her vocabulary a little, because honestly, who gave a fuck?
(She did. She still cringed only thinking about it. But hey... baby steps.)
Asahi also enjoyed how Niragi really seemed to do his streams just for the fun of it. It was something that was apparent to anybody who joined more than a handful of times. He didn't do sponsors, he almost never collaborated with other people and most of the donations he got from streaming went to either pay his mods or to buy small indie games he then played live so he could give them some more exposure. "I have a job and I'm doing just fine", was what he said when people asked.
And that was the other big reason Asahi watched his streams, another way she wanted to be more like him, wanted to follow in his footsteps. Because Niragi worked in the gaming industry, and as an art major with a focus on game art and design, Asahi always paid special attention whenever Niragi spoke of his work.
He was mostly a freelance engineer working on many different projects, and that was what he usually focused on during the streams where he went a little more into detail on what working on video games usually entailed. Asahi still soaked it all up like a sponge, mindful and anxious of the fact that she had a mere two semesters of university left before she needed to take her first steps in the industry herself.
Niragi had also mentioned smaller, more independent projects where he was a lot more involved in many different aspects and stages of the development, which was exactly the information she needed, so Asahi tried to catch as many of his streams as she could.
Today, she mostly used his stream as background noise though. She had an assignment due the next day, so she barely paid her laptop any mind, too focused on the tablet and her project in front of her. It was why she didn't catch the exact moment Niragi fell asleep in front a few hundred viewers.
He'd been visibly tired all evening, with droopy eyes and dark bags underneath. People in the chat had been telling him time and time again to just go to bed, but if Niragi could be described as one thing, it was "stubborn as a fucking donkey" (his words, not hers), which meant that he was "most definitely gonna finish that fucking dungeon, even if it kills me."
Well, it hadn't killed him yet, because apparently, he had fallen asleep during one of the slower parts of the dungeon with no enemies in sight. He also hadn't fallen face-first onto his keyboard, fortunately, because that thought made Asahi cringe with secondhand embarrassment.
Instead, his cheek was resting on his shoulder and that position would definitely give him a crick in the neck sooner or later. His eyes were closed, and his chest was rising and falling in slow, even movements, which was a relief to Asahi, who had at some point looked up to a motionless Niragi and had gotten quite a scare out of it before checking what people had been commenting.
The chat was going wild, with some people laughing good naturedly while others were already making bets on how long the stream would go on like that and how embarrassed Niragi would be in the morning, but most of them only worried for Niragi and the state of his neck and it was honestly a little touching to witness.
Asahi was just about to close the stream, uncomfortable with the thought of watching somebody being left in a vulnerable situation like that and without them being aware of it happening, when she detected faint movement at the edge of the screen. Somebody was standing in the doorway to Niragi's room, backlit by the light shining in from the hallway behind them.
It was a man, as far as Asahi could tell. He stepped closer and for a second, Ashai wondered if they should do something, call the police, because there'd never been another person present during Niragi's streams, and what if this was a burglar planning to rob Niragi of all his valuable tech?
But then she took a deep breath and a closer look at the man and at the fond expression on his face as he stepped further into the room, and decided that it must be a roommate of some sort.
The chat came to the same conclusion, with a few of them asking the guy who he was while others told him to turn off the camera and get Niragi's tired ass into bed. It seemed to amuse the man who was close enough now to have a look at the chat.
"Working on it", he said with a little smile dancing across his lips before carefully rolling Niragi's chair out of the frame so that he could access the keyboard and Niragi got a bit of privacy.
Asahi took the opportunity to get a closer look at the man. He had a head of fluffy, disheveled hair that curled a little around his ears and made her wish she could fluff it up even more, big dark eyes, a round nose and a boyish face. He was also wearing a dark blue tracksuit jacket over a white undershirt and she thought she could make out a bit of a stubble on his chin and jawbone. Age wise she'd put him in his early thirties, but she'd never been good at guessing other people's ages, so he could also be younger or a bit older.
She watched him save Niragi's progress in the game, which led to some people asking if this was a regular occurrence. "Somewhat", the guy said softly, and it was obvious that he was trying to be quiet, so he didn't wake Niragi from his slumber. "Has never happened during a stream though, so I might need a little help from you guys because I don't want him to lose any of it but I also have no clue how this whole streaming thing works. Do I need to save it, or will it be saved automatically once I stop the stream?"
Asahi smiled as she followed the comments. Still a lot of who are you?s but most people were either telling him what he needed to know or praising him for being so considerate.
no idea who you are but I already love you a lot <3, one comment read, and another wow, you have a nice smile
The last one made the guy smile again, this time even wider. Like the sun, Asahi caught herself thinking. I want someone to smile at me like that. Her mind went to Momoka almost immediately, but she discarded that thought relatively quickly. No use dwelling on the impossible.
While he saved Niragi's stream, the guy kept answering people's questions.
"How I knew he was asleep? A friend texted me. He watches his streams regularly and decided I should spare him the embarrassment of snoring in front of his audience." He grinned mischievously and Asahi liked him more with every passing second.
"Am I his boyfriend?" He laughed. Well, at least he wasn't offended by that question. "No, can't say that I am." Asahi ignored how disappointed that answer made her feel for a second and leaned forward to type her own question into the chat.
Are you his roommate then?
The man cocked his head. "Sure", he said after a few moments, "roommate works."
Before Asahi could wonder about that answer, he went on: "But I need to get his sleepy ass into bed now, so I hope you guys continue to have a wonderful evening. And I probably shouldn't tell you this, because it'll embarrass the hell out of him, but Niragi really appreciates you guys a lot, so thank you for always tuning in." He waved, gave them another one of his sunshine smiles and ended the stream.
Asahi stared at her screen for a few moments, her heart somehow lighter than it had been in weeks. She didn't know if it was the knowledge that one of her favorite streamers out there had somebody who looked out for him like that, or the certainty that said streamer appreciated his community, or maybe just the smile that felt like it had the potential to light up a whole room just with the quirk of a lip, but that night, after finishing her assignment in record speed, she went to bed with a satisfied little smile of her own.
♡
Over the course of the next few weeks, people got a bit obsessed. First, Asahi thought she was the only one, but it only took a few more streams for people to start asking for "Mr. Sunshine".
The first few times people mentioned the mysterious guy living with Niragi, the man ignored it completely. At first Asahi assumed it was because he was still embarrassed. He hadn't mentioned the incident with a single word but he also hadn't deleted the stream which probably meant that he wasn't too bothered by it either. After some time, Asahi got the sneaking suspicion that Niragi a) enjoyed keeping his audience guessing a little too much, and b) wanted to make sure that Mr. Sunshine's private life stayed just that - private.
A lot of people either didn't get that, or they didn't care. They continued to ask after him, and from time to time, Niragi gave them little bits of information that only seemed to spur everybody on.
"No, he isn't home right now. He's got a respectable job working regular hours and he's not doing all-nighters like I do. He's the goddamn dream of every single mother-in-law in this country, honestly."
"Having him play games with me? Fuck no, that man is hopeless when it comes to game controls. If you ask him, Smash Bros is already overkill."
"If I tell you his name, will you stop calling him that?"
The chat declined, something Asahi wholeheartedly agreed with. There was something mystical about still calling him Mr. Sunshine, something that made it a lot more fun, especially when they realized that mentioning him made Niragi somewhat flustered every time - probably because he associated it with falling asleep in front of a camera.
Then, something happened that shifted the whole dynamic quite a bit and also brought a change in Niragi's audience.
Because practically overnight, Niragi Suguru got famous.
It started with a game he had worked on, one that featured a main character that was voiced by an up and coming voice actor. Asahi had never heard of him before, but apparently said voice actor had made some appearances on a popular anime and gotten really, really popular with the audience.
Word got out that not only had Niragi worked on the coding of the game, but on the art as well, and in close collaboration with the voice actor who was very invested in the game and his character, and suddenly, Niragi's numbers rose drastically.
He didn't seem to care all too much about it, continuing on like he always had. Behind the scenes however, things got a bit ... weird.
Because while people came for that one voice actor and for Niragi's experience with him, soon it became apparent to a lot of people that Niragi was just as interesting and apparently worship-able as that voice actor was, especially since he was a lot more approachable thanks to his streams.
Suddenly, social media was full of Niragi and of people who wanted to know every little bit about him and who seemed to have a lot of opinions on what he was like and who he was supposed to be with.
"You've gotten quite a bit of competition recently", Momoka observed one lazy afternoon while scrolling through her phone. She’d made herself comfortable on Asahi's bed, her long hair fanning out over Asahi's pillow, and Asahi just knew that she wouldn't get a single second of sleep that night, not with her best friends scent clinging to her sheets.
She sighed and turned back to her game. She wasn't an avid gamer, but she liked to keep up with the art trends and sometimes played some games just as inspiration for her own projects. She preferred artistic games, though. Beautiful games. Those that didn't rely on fighting but were meant to be solved through skill and smarts. Games like Ori and the Blind Forest or Gris.
"They're not competition, Momoka. I already told you that I'm really not watching him because of that."
"Yeah, yeah, I know you like him for his brain and his talents. Doesn't mean you can't appreciate what he's offering."
"That's the thing, though", Asahi called indignantly, forgetting that she wasn't supposed to be invested in this. "He isn't offering, but people clearly don't care. They cross lines, they go way too far and breach his privacy. People have been trying to figure out where he lives and who he's living with and where he's getting his groceries. It's seriously creepy and it shouldn't be like this and I'm honestly afraid he's going to quit streaming if people don't stop pushing because he's not relying on it, so there's no reason for him to keep doing it if it bothers him too much."
Momoka watched her outburst with a raised eyebrow. "You sure care quite a lot about this", she finally said before returning to her phone.
Asahi breathed in, then out, once, twice, and once again wished she cared as little as Niragi did about what people said or thought. There were a lot of things she'd wanted to say to Momoka in that moment, a lot of words that had gathered on her tongue. But she wasn't Niragi, so she swallowed them and turned around again, choosing to ignore anything Niragi-related her best friend said that day.
♡
It all came to a head a few weeks later, when a popular tabloid published two articles about Niragi. Asahi hadn't paid the first article any mind as it was about him being seen in a mall somewhere with a pretty young woman in tow. She’d never cared about gossip before and certainly didn’t care now that it concerned somebody she was actually invested in. But when the second article practically flooded her feed, she clicked on it and got confronted with a grainy shot of Niragi and somebody she was quite familiar with. Against her better judgement, she began reading.
SCANDALOUS SECRET GAY LOVE EXPOSED!
Barely a fortnight has passed since we gushed over the blissful romance of streaming sensation Niragi Suguru (34) and his latest flame. Brace yourselves for the shocking revelation: this lovey-dovey affair is nothing but a sordid facade concealing Niragi's scandalous and disgraceful cravings. The supposed emotions? A charade! That delightful shopping spree we so eagerly covered? Just a cunning scheme to trick his unsuspecting girlfriend! Brace yourselves, because we've unveiled the jaw-dropping truth: Niragi Suguru is engaged in a very shameful affair.
But hold on to your hats – this isn't your typical love triangle! Female fans of Niragi Suguru, prepare to weather the coming storm, for he's been spotted in a secret rendezvous with another man. A man we generously describe as plain and unassuming, leaving fans baffled, especially considering Niragi's drop-dead gorgeous girlfriend who is still in the prime of her youth.
And if you're skeptical – which, let's be honest, is understandable given the shock we felt breaking this news – we implore you to take a closer look at the incriminating photos. The evidence is as damning as it gets.
As for the future of this once-adored streamer, the outlook seems grim. A decline of his popularity is inevitable. After all, fans detest infidelity, especially when it involves disgraceful desires. Stay tuned for the scandalous unraveling of this fan-favorite's once-pristine image!
Asahi was stunned. She knew that articles like that were what kept tabloids alive, but she couldn't for the life of her understand how anybody could take it seriously.
The pictures of Niragi with a young woman in tow were nothing but a few snapshots of them leaning against a wall and laughing, certainly close but never once touching. Each of them seemed to enjoy a skewer of something that looked like dango, and Niragi carried a few bags in his hand.
The "damning" picture was a lot blurrier, clearly taken in the evening or at night. It showed Niragi and another man among a group of people, standing quite close to each other, with Niragi turned away from the camera, but still recognizable, and the other man in direct shot. He had raised his hand and it looked like he was swiping a few strands of hair away from Niragi's face. There was a soft smile on his lips and that was what gave him away for Asahi (and also for a handful of other people, if the comments under the article were anything to go by. People had clearly not forgotten Mr. Sunshine.)
Asahi started reading more of the comments but stopped relatively quickly when most of them made her feel sick to her stomach. She was aware that she purposely stayed in her own little bubble of lgbtq+ friendly fandoms and corners of the internet, and that her view of the world had to be a little distorted by that, but seeing it first-hand, the hate and the resentment, the misogyny and the blatant homophobia, it just hurt. A lot.
She stayed off social media for the rest of the day and swore to keep it like that the next few days as well. She turned off all notifications, only getting the occasional text message, and buried herself in one of her comfort books. The one she read over and over again when she was younger.
When Momoka texted her a link, she almost didn't klick on it, mistrusting the OMG, READ THIS and the half a dozen exclamation points next to it. But ultimately, she was too curious to ignore it for long, her mind always going back to it, never able to focus on more than three sentences of her book. So, she sighed, picked up her phone again and clicked on the link.
It led her to Niragi's rarely used Instagram account and to a post that was barely an hour old but seemed to have amassed an impressive amount of likes and comments.
The post started off with a screenshot of that article everybody had been talking about. Asahi looked at it again, at the grainy picture of Niragi and Mr. Sunshine, before swiping to the next slide.
Well fuck. Seems like I have to comment on this now. Not that I don't secretly enjoy people speculating about my personal life, especially if it's tabloids that get literally everything wrong. And, you know, this wouldn't have bothered me all that much, hadn't they gotten other people involved. People that mean a whole fucking lot to me, and that I swore to keep safe. People that have been verbally attacked on the internet for the past two days, which is something I will not stand for. So, let's get some things straight, shall we?
There's something almost funny about the fact that people are so shaped by heteronormativity that they just have to see a romantic relationship between every male and female they come across. You take your fucking half-sister shopping once, and this is what you end up with.
I guess I should consider myself lucky that they didn't dig deep enough to find that connection between us. Small mercies, and all that.
But yeah, Akane's not a girlfriend but a sister, who is only seventeen, by the way, so you're getting a double fuck you for even insinuating anything there.
(I will absolutely hunt down every single one of you who even looks at her wrong. Seriously, leave her the fuck alone. I'm warning you now. Don't try me.)
Even funnier is the fact that I'm supposed to be cheating on my half-sister with my fucking husband. That's something that made me actually laugh out loud, just before I got very, very angry again. Because how dare you defame our relationship as shameful and as born out of “disgraceful desires”? If you've got to be homophobic assholes, then at least be open about it and don't hide behind some baseless accusations.
For fucks sake, you didn't even have any proof of me actually having a girlfriend, and the only thing you found against him was that you find him plain-looking. Which my fanbase will absolutely rip you into pieces for, by the way. They didn't call him Mr. Sunshine for nothing. And in the end, their opinion is the only one that matters.
Maybe my numbers will go down now. Who knows? But I've been doing fine before, and I will be fine after. And at least they'll go down for the right reasons. I don't need homophobic assholes in my audience, and if this will be what makes me get rid of them, all the better!
So go and stick your stupid tabloid trash up your own fucking asses.
I'm out.
PS: Not literally. Just gonna be on vacation for the next two weeks. This was really poor timing, but whatever. I'm not gone, just taking some time off to be with my husband. Who's a fucking ray of sunshine, by the way. The people in the chat were always right about that one.
For a few moments, Asahi sat on her bed, not quite knowing how to feel. There was anger bubbling in her stomach again, at the tabloids and the people who made Niragi feel like it was necessary to comment on this and to open up about something that was deeply personal. There was also fear, not knowing what this would mean for him in the future, how this would be perceived. He said he'd be back, but what if the backlash got too big and he decided to leave all together? She wouldn't hold it against him, that much she knew.
But, under all of that, there was undeniable joy rising in her heart. She finally knew why she felt so comfortable watching his streams, finally saw what it was that made her come back time and time again, finally found the last puzzle piece of what made them similar. He was like her, at least in a way, and she couldn't contain the burst of joyful laughter that escaped her chest.
When the phone in her hand started ringing, she wasn't surprised. She'd already expected it, but she really didn't want to have to deal with Momoka's ongoing nagging right now. She picked up and heard her best friend say her name in a breathless voice, but instead of considering why she sounded so excited, she interrupted her before she could say anything more.
"Will you let it go already? Yeah, I've seen it. No, I'm not jealous. This isn't going to plunge me into endless depths of despair. Because you know what? I'm gay, Momoka. I'm really, really gay, and this is actually something that makes me feel really fucking elated. So you can just stop it now, you get it? I don't want to hear it anymore. I'm tired of it. I'm not interested in him, or any other man for that matter, and I never will be."
Asahi hung up before Momoka had any change of saying something, replying anything to those words that she'd all but vomited out, annoyed and excited and spurred on by Niragi's braveness.
Then she fell face first onto her pillow and started crying as she felt the tension of years and years of hiding who she was finally lift away from her shoulders.
♡
She ignored her phone for the rest of the day. Not because of the news, but because she didn't want to see Momoka's reaction. Didn't want to see the missed calls and the messages, or worse, the silence.
She continued reading before eventually giving up, too fidgety and her mind too jumpy to focus on a single thing for too long. She switched to her laptop for a bit, deliberately ignoring anything that could upset her. She looked through old folders of hers, filled with art she'd done over the years. It made her happy, seeing her progress, really seeing it, not just through grades but in her actual art.
She was so engrossed in it that she almost missed when a notification popped up in the right corner of her screen. One that said that Niragi had just started a new stream.
She looked down and saw her hands shaking a little. Had he decided against coming back and was doing one final stream today? So that he didn't have to think about it anymore when he was away on vacation? Would he rant some more? Ignore it completely, just like he had with anything else that had happened before?
She hesitated, but ultimately, she was much too curious to not open it.
He was playing Minecraft.
She had never actually seen him play that before, but somehow it was fitting. He seemed to play in creative mode, just building what appeared to be a small log cabin.
He didn't talk.
People in the chat were asking questions, some confused about why he was there if he'd just announced he'd be away for some time, other's seemingly unaware of everything that had happened and just excited that Niragi was doing something different.
Asahi wondered if Niragi was afraid.
Afraid of the reactions, of seeing his numbers dwindle, of having to face the fact that maybe, just maybe, he hadn't been as assured as he'd seemed in his Instagram post. She'd be afraid for sure. But she wasn't him, even if there were some undeniable similarities.
Another few minutes went by without a word from Niragi. Asahi watched him remove the grassy floor and use colorful wool blocks to create a carpet for his cabin. She saw the different rows he created, rows in red and orange and yellow and green and blue and purple, and she couldn't stop the tears streaming down her face again. But she was smiling, and so was he, she realized, after he'd finished laying out his very special floorboards.
"This is a safe space", he finally said. "This will always be a safe space. I'll make sure of that."
There were rows and rows of hearts flooding the chat, and Asahi wasn't ashamed to say that a few of them came from her.
"I've instructed the mods to delete any and all hate towards minorities. They've already done that before, but they'll take even more care of it now." He was still playing, decorating his small house now with furniture and bookshelves and pretty flowers. "And I know there will be people who won't like that. Not because they're homophobic per se, or at least they'll claim that they aren't, but because they will insist on freedom of speech and all that. To those of you I will say: Yeah, you have the right to be hateful out there, in the real world, if you fucking must. But this is my space, my own little corner of the fucking world, and I decide that I won't have that shit here. So you say something along those lines, and you're gone. No discussions."
More hearts. Praise. People leaving a lot of love for him and for anybody that belonged to the community.
And Asahi felt so included, so loved. This might not have been the coming-out she had envisioned for herself, not over the phone, and not without seeing Momoka's reaction, but this, this absolutely heartwarming reaction to Niragi's own coming-out felt like a coming out by proxy for her. And it felt so good!
After a while, people began asking questions again. About how Niragi was feeling, about what Mr. Sunshine was thinking about all of this, and wasn't he supposed to be on vacation?
"I'm good, actually, and thank fuck for that”, Niragi said. “I think I would have told you guys eventually. Wasn't the ideal way of handling this, I'm fucking aware of that, but I honestly feel fine about it. I've got a real solid support system of people around me, so I would have been fine regardless, but it's nice to see the positive feedback I've gotten, at least in the places that mattered."
"We're leaving tomorrow morning. I initially planned on cooling off before I did another stream and using my vacation for that, but then I decided against it. I think this is much better. It would have felt like I was just putting off something really fucking important, and I also didn't want it to ruin our vacation time."
"Mr. Sunshine is packing some bags, I think. He's the type of person who will do everything in the evening before travelling so that there's nothing left in the morning." He laughed. "Please don't hate me for this, I'm not making him do all the fucking work, I promise."
There was a comment popping up in the chat soon after, by somebody called "Mister Sunshine":
He hates packing, he's physically incapable of it. He always sits at the edge of our bed and looks like the world is ending. It's hilarious, actually. Pretty sure he's only streaming so he doesn't have to feel bad for not doing any of it himself.
First, Asahi thought it was somebody who found the idea of impersonating Mr. Sunshine hilarious, and she wasn't the only one who thought so. But then they saw Niragi's face, looking fondly exasperated and sighing mock offendedly. "Yeah, yeah", he muttered, his cheeks red. "How about you come and tell that to my face, huh?"
The answer came promptly.
Okay :D
And before people could even begin to understand what was happening, Niragi's door opened, and a familiar figure stepped into the room.
He was wearing jeans this time, and a plain white shirt under an oversized black flannel, his hair just as fluffy as Asahi remembered, and his smile just as warm.
The chat was going wild, rows and rows of Mr. Sunshine! flying by, too fast to count.
Niragi, it appeared, was just as surprised as his audience was. He muted himself for a second, appearing to exchange a few words with his husband, before simply nodding and turning his mic back on.
"Okay, slight change of plans, and I'm sorry to spring this onto my mods, but I guess we're having a special guest tonight", Niragi said while Mr. Sunshine disappeared for a brief moment before returning with a chair that he placed right next to Niragi. He sat down and then he waved cheerfully at the camera, like it was something he was doing every day.
Niragi was still talking. "Now, we're gonna try this, but if people don't take this seriously or ask him questions that are inappropriate or make him uncomfortable, we're fucking done."
The chat promised to be very-well behaved. Here and there you could see some rude answers pop up, but those people were quickly taken care of by the mods. All in all, people seemed to be really excited to have the elusive Mr. Sunshine in front of the camera again.
"Now, you wanna go and answer some questions?", Niragi said to his husband. "After all, you were already doing such a good job last time you were here." He sounded equally exasperated as he seemed fond, and Asahi decided that she loved their relationship already. There seemed to be a lot of good-natured bickering involved.
"Sure thing", Mr. Sunshine answered and leaned forward, his eyes searching the comments before laughing.
Do you like the nickname we have given you?
He looked up, his eyes twinkling, and Asahi thought she could hear a low groan coming from Niragi next to him. "I absolutely love it. But you guys don't even know the best thing about it. Because, you see, Suguru here has been calling me Sunshine for almost ten years now, and he absolutely hated how you started calling me that and he couldn't reveal that he was the one who came up with it first."
Asahi giggled at the flush on Niragi's cheeks. He looked like he was already seriously regretting ever letting his husband be part of the stream.
what's your real name?
"My real name? Hm, I guess you guys can call me Tatta, if you want. But I'm also very happy with being called Mr. Sunshine, for obvious reasons. So pick whichever you like most."
How did you two meet?
They exchanged a look. Mr. Tatta Sunshine (Asahi wasn't quite sure which one she liked better) nodded, and Niragi was the one who answered.
"We met at the fucking hospital, of all places. We were both injured during the Shibuya Incident over ten years ago. For those of you who are too young to remember that or aren't living in Japan: That was when a meteor hit Tokyo and injured and killed a lot of people. You can look it up on the internet, if you wanna know more about it."
Asahi had the feeling that it was a topic they weren't too keen on talking about. She was too young to really remember it, and her parents had shielded her from most of it anyway, but she could imagine that it didn't make for the best meet cute.
"Anyway, I woke up after it with this brat as my roommate, who just wouldn't stop talking to me, and somehow I haven't managed to get rid of him ever since."
Tatta, (yeah, Tatta fit), stuck his tongue out at Niragi and Asahi decided that she adored them and their dynamic.
how long have you been married and where did you get married?
"We got married two years ago in Taiwan.", Tatta answered. "Initially, we were only there to visit a relative of mine, but then Japan passed a bill that prevented same-sex people from getting married or even recognized as a legal partnership yet again, so it was kind of an act of defiance, at least a little bit. We liked the thought of getting back to Japan as a married couple, even if they wouldn't recognize us as such. But we'd also been together for over seven years at that point, so it seemed fitting."
How did people around you react to you being in a same-sex relationship?
"Well, my family decided to cut ties with me, but we weren't close to begin with, so good fucking riddance!", Niragi said as he leaned back in his chair, his middle finger raised at the camera. He didn't look particularly angry, though. Then he nodded his head in Tatta's direction. "His mother is great. She did the whole 'I have a second son now' thing."
"Which he absolutely adores. Those two are thick as thieves", Tatta added, grinning. "But when it comes to our friends and such, I guess we're just really lucky. They're very open minded and a few are part of the community as well, so we didn't really have anything to fear there."
Don’t answer this if you’re not comfortable with, but as someone who’s lived in Europe since childhood: How is life in Japan like, being part of the lgbtq+ community? Is it something that affects your day-to-day life a lot? Do you experience hostility and are there other downsides to being out in society?
Asahi saw Tatta lean back in his chair when Niragi read the question out loud, his face thoughtful. "You know", he said slowly, "that's hard to answer, because there's a lot of small things that play into it, so we certainly can't speak for everybody, but I don't think we experience a lot of outright hostility here. People, for the most part, are much too polite to say things to your face. It's different on the internet, of course, as a lot of you will have realized these last few days, because there, people feel safer, more hidden, but out on the street it does happen from time to time, but not a lot.”
“There's also the fact that most of the religions in this country don't have a history of hostility toward same-sex relationships, not as major religions in other parts of the world have. Unlike many other countries, it was also never really forbidden here, so to many, it's not a big deal. They don't think better or worse of us, they don't really think about it at all and as such don't really try to change anything.”
“I think, most people who are queer and out experience it at their workplace or when it comes to housing or healthcare. There are no laws against same-sex relationships, but there's also no real protection in place, so your superiors, for example, can outright refuse to promote you for being openly queer. A lot of people choose to keep their professional life and their private life completely separate from each other because of that. It's a bit different here in Tokyo though, because discrimination on the basis of sexuality or identity is banned. But it's up to the cities, and definitely not nation-wide."
"Our marriage is not legally accepted here either", Niragi added. "It is in a lot of places in the world, fortunately, but in the eyes of Japan, we're not married. Some cities offer you some sort of fucking certificate, some symbolic shit, which is something at least I guess, but it would be fucking nice to have our relationship legally recognized, either as marriage or otherwise."
"Yeah, I agree", Tatta said, smiling softly at his husband. "But we also know that we have it a lot easier than many other people. We can pass as straight, after all, at least in most situations."
"Yeah, unless you decide to play with my hair again", Niragi teased, but Tatta only grinned and threw him a kiss before turning more serious again.
"We are aware that we have it a lot easier than other people who are part of the community. A close friend of ours is trans, and it's been especially rough for her. To legally change her gender, she had to get sterilized. They changed that last year, luckily they did, but it has affected a lot of trans people for a very long time. There are also no adoption rights for people of the same sex, and no IVF fertilization. If we wanted to have a tiny Niragi running around here one day, the only way would be to have one of our straight, married friends get an IVF fertilization and carry our child to term for us. And even then only one of us would legally be the parent."
Niragi sighed. "This got depressing real fucking fast. Quick, ask us some stupid questions to lighten the mood."
Tatta swatted him on the arm. "Those were important questions, and it's good that we're here to answer them." He turned to the camera. "But yeah, ask us some silly questions, I'm up for it."
why’d you say you weren’t Niragi’s boyfriend last time?
Tatta grinned. "I mean, me turning up there wasn't planned at all, so I wasn't about to out him to all his viewers. Being a dumbass who falls asleep in front of his audience was enough unplanned embarrassment for a day. And technically, it wasn't untrue. I haven't been his boyfriend for two years now."
Who does the cooking?
Tatta gestured at Niragi, who seemed to preen a little under the attention. "This guy does. I'm not completely hopeless when it comes to food, but he's much better at it, so anything he makes actually tastes good in addition to only being edible, like mine is."
what job do you have mr sunshine?
"Ah, well... You people will probably think it's boring since a lot of you come here for Suguru's experience in the gaming industry." He shrugged, looking a little sheepish. "But I'm an automobile mechanic."
"Yeah, and if our car breaks down during our vacation, he'll fix it while the only thing I can do is stand there and look pretty. I wouldn't even know how to change a tire.", Niragi said, his arms crossed in front of his chest.
"Aww, but you're so good at looking pretty!", Tatta cooed.
"Dumbass!"
Asahi got the feeling that this might have been a recurring topic for them and a sore spot for Tatta. She could understand the feeling, but she also had to agree with Niragi: She wouldn't know how to change a tire either and she did think being more skilled at manual tasks was actually really handy.
They were about to continue when a very long and very excited comment interrupted them mid-sentence.
Oh my god, I knew it. I knew you were familiar Mr Tatta! I remember you! You helped me and my mum with our car. She's a single mom and we’re so dependent on that car, and it broke down and we didn't know what to do and it got towed to your garage and you could have scammed us so easily, we didn't know the first thing about cars, but you didn't, you explained everything in great detail and made sure we understood the need for everything you did and gave us all the options and made a plan what we could realistically afford and my mum hasn't stopped talking about you for a year, you really really saved us when we were in a rough spot, and now I’m ranting but we just love you so much x3
"There you go", Niragi said, bumping his shoulder against Tatta's and grinning proudly at him. "We should print that out and hang it on the fucking fridge, so you see it every day."
Tatta hid his face behind his hands for a moment before looking up, his cheeks red and a tiny smile in the corners of his mouth. "Thank you", he finally said softly. "That makes me really, really happy."
Asahi was hit with the sudden urge to give the man a big hug. She hoped Niragi would do it for her.
"Okay, last question, then we're stopping this. I do still need to sit at the edge of our bed and look like the fucking world is ending, because packing is fucking hard and all that shit", Niragi said.
Tatta just smiled and rolled his eyes.
Niragi said you aren't into gaming. Do you still have a favorite game he worked on?
"Oh, absolutely”, Tatta nodded enthusiastically. “I might not enjoy playing myself, but I love curling up on the couch and watching him play. Though I don't know if I've got a favorite title." He cocked his head, thinking. "Probably his two open world games. It's very relaxing to just watch him walk around in there. There's so much to see and so much to do that it doesn't really matter that he already knows most of it. I'll never get tired of watching him play those."
He smiled and Asahi could totally see it. Them on a couch together, Niragi playing and Tatta next to him, with some snacks maybe, or a glass of wine in hand, and his head resting on Niragi's shoulder. She wanted something like that for herself one day. Desperately so.
"Anyway, we're gonna finish this up now", Niragi said, and Tatta nodded.
"Yeah, still got some preparing to do.” He grinned mischievously. “Also, he's getting tired again, you guys can already see, but I don't have the time to carry his sleepy ass to bed this time around, so let's say goodbye for now."
Niragi shoved him lightly in retaliation and in a spur of the moment decision, Asahi leaned forward and typed a question into the chat. She didn't actually expect them to see it, but they proved her wrong.
Will we get to see you again?, Tatta read. "Hm, I don't know. Do you want to?"
The answer seemed to be a clear yes and he laughed, sounding surprised and happy about it. "I mean, sure. This was a lot of fun and you guys seem like really great people. If Suguru agrees to share you with me, and me with you, then I don't see why I couldn't be here from time to time."
Asahi couldn't hold back her own smile and that content warm feeling bubbled in her stomach again. She watched them wave at the camera, watched the chat thanking them for the stream and wishing them a great vacation and fell onto her back once the screen turned dark, her eyes pressed closed and her hands against her cheeks. She felt warm, giddy even, and she couldn't stop smiling, even if she'd wanted to.
She felt happy. She felt seen.
She got lost in her own daydreams a bit. Dreams of having a supportive friend group, like them, and of being so sure and secure about who she was. Dreams of a better future, where she didn't feel the need to hide from anybody, not her friends, not her family, nobody.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang.
She looked up, confused, and found that she'd spent a good hour in her own head. Outside, the last remnants of sunlight had disappeared. It had begun to rain, the steady sound of raindrops hitting her window, and she knew of only one person who'd come over at this late hour.
She thought of just ignoring the doorbell, of pretending to be asleep already, but decided against it. Niragi had been right. There was no use in putting off these kinds of things.
Slowly, she got up and willed her shaking hands under control. Whatever happened, happened.
When she opened the door, she was met with a soaking wet Momoka.
"Hi", she said, water dripping from her dark hair and onto the floorboards. She sounded out of breath, as if she'd run here.
"Hi", Asahi said.
Momoka looked at her, really looked at her, before she asked, tentatively: "Can we talk?"
♡
Asahime03
I never post on here, and if I do, it's normally just art, but today I feel like I really should say a few words because @NiragiSuguru's stream quite literally changed my life and I feel people should know.
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I've struggled with my own sexuality for longer than I'd like to admit, but today, kind of as a result of Niragi's post on Instagram, I came out to my best friend. I didn't do it in the smartest way possible and I did hurt her in the process
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but I did it, and for the first time ever. And after watching the stream, and the positive reaction he and his husband received for it, I can't help but feel immense joy. I felt seen. I felt heard. I felt incredibly real.
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So I guess what I wanted to say is: Thank you, @NiragiSuguru and thank you especially Mr. Sunshine. This stream might not be much in the eyes of many, but for me it was a sign that I am not alone, and there's no words that can convey what this means to me.
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Also, in other news: Somehow, I'm going on a date with my best friend. I'm not sure how that happened, but I'm not gonna question it.
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Liked by @NiragiSuguru, @TattaK, and 326 more
Comments:
TattaK
@Asahime03: <3
NiragiSuguru
@Asahime03: ur art is fucking awesome
