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Opening the envelope, Niijima Sae, age seventeen, freezes. The contents of the letter repeat in her mind in a continuous loop for hours as she helps Makoto with her homework, prepares dinner for three which only two people eat, and studies until it's dark. Makoto ends up going to bed well before their dad returns from work, and on a normal day, Sae would have as well.
Today’s not normal though.
Her dad’s wine-red eyes soften as he walks into the apartment and sets eyes on her, though the expression quickly vanishes in favour of a frown as he realises what time it is. Before he can start to lecture her, Sae quickly speaks up.
“Gekkoukan contacted me today.” She passes the letter that hasn’t drifted far from her side ever since she received it to the detective. “They've offered me a full-ride scholarship, accommodation included, along with the opportunity to continue with my pre-law classes at the local university.”
The teenager resists the urge to shuffle awkwardly while her dad reads it, the stubbled man's frown deepening. He’s not happy, but Sae already knew he wouldn't be. Still, no matter how over-protective he is, her dad can’t dismiss this opportunity out of hand. Shujin is prestigious, but Gekkoukan’s… well, Gekkoukan. More importantly, supporting a family of three on a mere detective's salary in the middle of Tokyo isn't easy, especially if he wants to give Sae and Makoto the best lives he can. While she’s already an honour student at Shujin, her father is still burdened with the cost of her living expenses, and any money he doesn’t spend on Sae is money that he can spend on her sister.
(She’s a bright kid, but… well, Makoto isn't a prodigy. Not like Sae.)
“… I’m not sure.” Her dad concludes once he finishes reading. “Crime rates are on the rise in that area - Tatsumi Port Island is home to some nasty gangs. Plus, Makoto will miss you too.”
That statement makes up her mind, if not in the way her dad clearly hoped it would. Makoto’s sweet, but… Sae wants the opportunity to connect with students her own age. To join clubs instead of chauffeuring her sister home from school. To pick up hobbies outside of the mixed-age Aikido group they both attend. To get to be a teenager, instead of a responsible big sister.
“I… I’m going to go.”
(Sae feels a bit guilty, but she easily brushes it off – it’s only a year, after all. She’ll be back eventually.)
(Unbeknownst to her, that’s not exactly true.)
…..
Her dad fusses over Sae for days following her announcement, drilling self-defence manoeuvres into her mind, double and triple and quadruple checking her baggage, and more stupidly, giving her a model gun.
She stares at him flatly as he hands it to her.
“It’s just in case.” He assures her. “Better safe than sorry, no? If anyone gives you trouble for it, just send them my way.”
For the first few months of her time at Tatsumi Port Island, Sae forgets all about the fake weapon stowed away in the depths of her jacket pocket – she's too busy adapting to her new school. The classes aren’t much more rigorous than Shujin’s, but she has pre-law courses on the side, a new dormitory to adjust to, and multiple clubs to attend. Sae chose boxing over Aikido in a moment of whimsy, and also put her name down for the music club. It turns out that being able to project your voice and sing in tune are two very different things, but Sae is having fun, and that’s what matters.
As the weeks go by though, something quickly becomes clear – namely, the income disparity between herself and most of the other students. While Gekkoukan does take in local students from disadvantaged backgrounds and scholarship students like Sae, the vast majority of the student body is solidly upper-middle class. While most of the teen's expenses are covered, her extracurriculars aren't, so if she wants to go to the athletics training camp later this year, she needs to get a job.
Three shifts at Chagall Café are enough to teach Sae that she is not suited for customer service, so the teenager ends up looking elsewhere to supplement her funds. Performing stocktake in a warehouse on the outskirts of the island isn't what Sae would call a good time, but it’s still better than dealing with entitled customers, so she sucks it up. It's a decision that fundamentally changes her life, not that she could have ever known that at the time.
She’s walking back to the station after a long evening’s work when Sae hears a commotion. Raised voices are a common occurrence in this part of town, but instead of the usual anger, she hears the unmistakable sound of fear. Nervous, the teenager hesitates. That... doesn't sound good. Swallowing the brief flicker of fear that runs through her, Sae musters her resolve. Niijimas aren't cowards and do the right thing no matter the cost - Sae would be betraying her justice if she stood back and let someone get hurt because she was feeling a little frightened.
Rounding the corner, she can't help but let out an exasperated groan. A group of street punks surround several teenagers in Gekkoukan’s uniform, who are staring at the adults with wide, frightened eyes, their backs against the wall. Sae resists the urge to slap her forehead – what in the world were they thinking?! Advertising that they had money on this side of Tatsumi Port Island? To make things worse, two of them are girls - a brunette with barrettes who assesses the punks calmly – uncomprehendingly – and another girl with lighter hair who glares at the thugs with fury in her eyes which fails to mask her fear.
“... We’ll post some pictures that’ll make her daddy cry!” One of the thug’s girlfriends croons, tittering on his shoulder, and Sae makes her entrance.
“Alright – I don’t know what the hell is going on here, and nor do I want to.” Marching between the two groups, she glares at the punks. “You lot have better things to do than shake down some stupid kids, and you...” She turns to face the teenagers after the boy lets out a whoop. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, coming to a place like this?!”
“We-!” The defiant girl starts.
Sae, however, has no intention of listening. “Beat it. The lot of you.”
“Or what?” One of the thug's jeers, face contorted into an ugly grin. “I always hate it when bitches are too big for their britches - I think it’s time you dumb kids learn a lesson!”
He punches, and over a decade of martial arts training kicks in. Sae dodges the blow with ease, grabs his wrist, and twists. The man lets out an ungodly scream as his bones crack, and he falls to the ground with a whimper.
“Holy shit.” The boy gawps, but unfortunately for Sae, the rest of the street thugs aren’t so easily intimidated.
“My baby!” With a shriek, the female gangster runs to the fallen man’s side, shooting a venomous glare at Sae. “Cut that fucking skank!”
The punks all take a step forward, and it’s only then that Sae remembers the highly unorthodox ‘gift’ her dad gave her earlier that year. Reaching into her pocket, she withdraws the fake gun and cocks the trigger, desperately trying to smother the tremor in her hand. The second they see the weapon, the blood drains from the punks’ faces. It's only then that it dawns on Sae just how over her head she is. Nothing in her seventeen years of life has prepared her for holding someone at (fake) gunpoint.
Heart racing, she blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. “Get on your knees and beg like a dog!”
Shit. She was pretty sure she just quoted one of those dumb yakuza movies Makoto sneakily watches when she thinks neither her sister nor dad are listening.
Fortunately (?), the goons don’t call her out on it and instead drop to their knees, watching Sae with fear in their eyes. Logically, she knows they’re just low-life, criminal scum, but even then, her stomach twists at the sight. She… doesn’t really feel like the hero here at all.
Of course, that’s the moment the girl with barrettes – who’d worn a cheerful smile on her face the entire confrontation – suddenly says: “Woof woof!”
Slowly, everyone shoots her a look somewhere between confused and horrified.
“Kotone.” The aggressive girl blinks. “What the fuck?”
Suffice to say, the only emotion Sae feels as Aragaki Shinjiro comes charging in with a healthy dose of sanity on his side is relief.
She accepts the furious lecture on how threatening thugs with a model gun is a fucking stupid idea with grace, because honestly, as embarrassing as getting reamed out in public is, Aragaki is probably right. Sae makes an internal reminder to herself to get rid of it as soon as possible – what in the world her dad was thinking when he gave her it in the first place, she doesn’t know.
As Aragaki moves on to the other teenagers, Sae prepares to slip away, when a voice stops her. “Wait.”
Turning around, she arches a brow as she sees it’s the barrette girl – Kotone. Aragaki is still talking to the other teenagers, his demeanour more contemplative than angry, but Kotone has wandered away from her friends in favour of chasing down Sae. She's not entirely sure what the younger teenager wants of her, but she's rather certain it’s nothing good.
Sae grimaces. “… What is it?”
“You know, you’re really good at violence!”
“That’s… not a compliment?”
“Oh no, it definitely is. You see, it got me thinking…” Kotone grins, and yeah, Sae doesn’t like this at all. “I’ve always wanted to beat up a man!”
… What?
Oblivious too – or more likely, not caring – about Sae’s obvious apprehension, she continues. “And, unlike me, you clearly know how to do that.” Kotone drops into a deep, exaggerated bow. “So please, teach me your ways, Violence-sensei!”
Sae brows rise to the ceiling. “Absolutely not.”
Lips wobbling, Kotone’s eyes glisten with unshed tears as she pouts. “Pretty please?”
Dear god. Sae groans. “No.”
Kotone sheds her puppy-dog eyes, the pleading expression replaced with something far more shrewd. “I’ll give you ¥10,000.”
“Deal.”
And that is how Niijima Sae and Shiomi Kotone first met.
…..
True to her word, Kotone ambushes Sae after class several days later.
“Niijima-senpai-sensei.” She gives the third year a dramatic curtsy. “Your humble student is here is learn to the sacred art of battle!”
Sae could feel the heat rising on her face as her classmates shot them dubious looks. “Don’t call me that. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather join the drama club instead?”
Kotone pouts. “They didn’t let me – I was sick the first few weeks of term.”
The silver-haired teen hesitates. “I’m sorry. It sounds like you would have enjoyed it.”
For a brief second, the smile fades off Kotone’s face as she watches Sae in surprise – she clearly wasn’t anticipating Sae to actually take her whinging seriously. “Sure, but it’s water under the bridge! Anyway, I’d rather learn how to beat people up. Chop chop!”
As they go to the yard and Sae teaches the younger teen some basic forms, it’s her turn to be surprised. Despite her irreverent demeanour, Kotone listens attentively to her instructions, and asks intelligent questions about the why or how of the techniques Sae shows her. The brunette's instincts are excellent, too – Kotone is clearly in shape, and while her form is sloppy, she anticipates every one of Sae’s blows as they spar briefly at the session's end.
“I have to admit, I’m pleasantly surprised.” Sae confesses as they grab some water after the lesson. “I thought this would just be a big waste of my time, but you actually have potential.”
“Does this mean we can do this again, Niijima-senpai-sensei?” Kotone turns around, eyes sparkling.
Cheeks red, the older student rolls her eyes. “Only if you drop that ridiculous nickname.”
…..
“Thanks for the lesson, Senpai!” Kotone flashes Sae a wink, which comes off infinitely more sincere (if just as quirky) as her bows did. “Say, wanna grab a bite to eat? I’m starved.”
Sae pauses. About a month has passed since she’d taken the second year on as a protegee. The more time she’s spent around Kotone, the more Sae's reservations about the second year have dropped. She was correct when she said Kotone had potential, and the brunette is a genuinely dedicated learner, even if her true motives are an enigma. Plus, it's nice teaching someone. It reminds Sae of the way she used to help Makoto out with her homework, but… different. Six years is a massive age gap, after all – her sister is still a kid and acts like it. Kotone, however, is one of Sae’s peers. Despite the year between them, they were all but equals.
Still, getting food together… that’s a friends thing. While Sae got along with her classmates and clubmates, they didn’t invite her out to places.
“Why me?” Sae furrows her brow. “Wouldn’t you rather go with Iori-kun or Takeba-chan?”
Kotone simply looks at Sae, and the silver-haired teen feels uncomfortably seen. “No - I want to hang out with you.”
As they walk to the sushi shop at Iwatodai station, for probably the first time ever, they engage in small talk. Sae reveals to Kotone that she’s studying to be a prosecutor and has a little sister back home. Kotone tells her she doesn’t have much in the way of family, and has equally non-existent career goals, but she thinks she’d like to help people too. They talk about the weather, classes, their dorms, movies - it's superficial, but still somehow enjoyable.
It’s only when they finish their meal that Sae gets an actual answer to her question.
“I like being around you.” Kotone states, swinging her legs under the stall. “I suppose you could call me the leader of my friend group. I’m the problem solver - the one who helps everyone else.” Her voice trails off. “I love it, but… sometimes, it’s nice to have someone else in charge for once, y’know?”
Sae thinks back to quiet evenings in her family apartment, running the household while her father was too busy with work.
“… Don’t worry, I understand.”
…..
Sae’s not exactly sure when their relationship changes from being one of a reluctant mentor and student to one of two friends. Perhaps it happens when Kotone invites her to the Paulownia Mall with her friends. Perhaps it happens when Kotone finally stops giving her silly nicknames, and starts to call her Sae.
…..
One Friday in August, Sae notices how stiff Kotone's ever-present grin is, along with the concealed-but-present tension in her shoulders.
“You don’t have to do that.” Kotone shoots her a confused look, and Sae elaborates. “You don’t have to wear a happy mask around me. It’d be a bit hypocritical if I got annoyed at you not being cheerful all the time.”
For the second time since Sae met her, a look of surprise crosses Kotone’s face. Unlike the last time it happened though, her shock lingers.
“… Kotone?” Sae asks, brow furrowed after the silence begins to stretch.
“I… I’m sorry.” The brunette blinks, snapping out of wherever her thoughts had taken her. “It’s just… no one’s ever seen through it before. Seen through me before. You really are one of a kind, Sae-senpai.”
…..
While Sae can't specify the moment they became friends, it's easy to pinpoint the moment they started to become something more.
They'd gone to Wild-Duck Burger after watching an outrageously unrealistic crime drama played at the film festival. Sae is in the midst of ranting about the movie's numerous inaccuracies when she catches sight of Kotone’s soft smile. It was different from her usual sunny grin – it was almost melancholy, in a way.
“What’s that look for?” Sae arches a brow before frowning. “I’m not boring you, I am?”
“You could never bore me.” Kotone replies without a moment’s hesitation, and Sae desperately tries to ignore the way her heart skips a beat. “It’s just… you take everything so seriously.”
The older teen stiffens, hands clenching. For a moment, her mind drifts back to middle school – to the children who used to call her serious, stick-in-the-mud Sae. Anger flickers in her stomach – it isn’t her fault that she isn’t interested in the other things girls her age are. It isn’t her fault she isn’t like Kotone, able to put on a smile whenever she pleases.
Sensing the shift in her companion’s demeanour, the younger student quickly backpedals. “I mean it in a good way. Like… you do even the most mundane things with a sense of, I dunno, gravitas? You just… put so much of your heart into everything you do. Honestly, I’m kind of jealous – I wish I had half your passion.”
Sae’s anger quickly mellows into bashfulness. “You just haven’t found your calling yet. It’ll happen eventually. Besides…” A glint of humour enters her eyes. “I don’t take everything seriously – I don’t put any effort into music club, for one.”
“Music club?” Kotone’s smile turns mischievous. “Why, I didn’t realise you have a lovely singing voice too! Serenade me, Sae-senpai!”
This time, it’s Sae’s turn to grin. “Be careful what you wish for, Kotone.”
Sae does – serenade her, that is. It’s awful. Still, the disapproving grins of their fellow patrons are worth the giggles that escape Kotone’s mouth.
“You know…” Kotone muses, her expression sappy as she lounges back in her chair in a position that really shouldn’t be comfortable. “I think I love you, Niijima Sae.”
If Sae had been drinking, she would have spat out her water all over the table. Instead, she makes a strange spluttering noise as her entire face goes beet red. What the hell?! Love?! Oh, oh god. Was this a confession?! Sae suddenly becomes keenly aware the summer sun has left her somewhat sweaty, and that there are probably bits of burger stuck between her teeth. She likes to think she’s become more emotionally aware as she’s gotten older, but Sae wasn’t expecting this at all.
She's not ready.
It’s then, though, that her common sense returns. This is Kotone – Sae has to be reasonable here. She says the wildest things with minimal provocation all the time.
Naturally, it’s then that the brunette lets out an airy laugh and waves her hand dismissively. “Relax – I wasn’t being serious, y’know!”
“I knew that.” Sae lets out a deep sigh and ignores the way her heart is still racing in her chest (ignores the disappointment in her stomach). “God, Kotone, you’re going to say the wrong thing to the wrong person one day.”
It’s only later, though, after she goes home and lies in the bed in her dormitory, that Sae realises that Kotone had sounded a little bit too airy when she proclaimed it was just a joke.
…..
Kotone mentioned that she likes having someone else take the lead at times, so Sae does just that. It’s obvious that Kotone doesn’t suspect anything as Sae invites her to Club Escapade one evening. The older teen does an excellent job at hiding the tremor in her hands as she meets Kotone at her dorm, attempting to keep a straight face as the brunette whistles and admires the black dress Sae's wearing.
This time, she's ready, and Sae grabs Kotone’s hand as they walk onto the dancefloor. The silver-haired teen knows nothing about dancing, but nobody else here does either, so it’s fine. It takes three songs for Sae to finally muster the courage. She spins Kotone around, holds her close, and kisses her on the lips.
Kotone freezes for just a moment, and Sae wonders if she’s miscalculated. Suddenly though, she returns Sae’s kiss with double the fervour.
It’s awkward, ungainly, and messy. It’s both of their first proper kiss, and it shows.
Sae doesn’t care though. She never realised she could feel this alive.
…..
Aragaki Shinjiro dies at the start of October. Sae barely even knew him, and yet, the news still feels like a punch to the guts. A nasty part of her mind whispers that she shouldn’t have been so surprised, she knows the crowds he associated with, but what feels like the weight of the world isn’t on her shoulders - not yet, anyway - so it’s easy for Sae to be charitable towards the deceased boy instead.
Like half of Iwatodai’s population, it turns out that unlike her, Kotone did know him.
Her girlfriend wears a muted, but stable smile on her face as she tries to be the shoulder to cry on for the members of the devastated Iwatodai dorm, a soothing source of comfort amidst such tragedy. For once, it doesn’t really work, and she finally breaks down in Sae’s arms the second they have some time alone.
…..
Sometimes, Sae’s dreams are tinged green. Blood drips from the ceiling in a rhythmic, smooth rhythm, and the darkness whispers, beckoning to her.
She’s too tired to pay the voices much heed though, and simply drifts back to sleep.
(If she’d answered the Shadows’ cries, everything would have changed, except for the one thing that truly mattered in the end.)
One of these nights, Sae dreams of Kotone. She’d invited the girl back to her room earlier – the Iwatodai dorm was fussy about visitors – and must have drifted off during her studies. Her eyes flutter open briefly for a moment, the beige walls tinged emerald as Kotone places a kiss on the back of her neck.
“I… I knew you had the potential.” The brunette murmurs, her voice filled with love and yet oh-so-heavy. “But please, fall back asleep. I… I need you to keep your hope, Sae. I need you to keep having those lofty dreams about the future. I think it’s the only thing keeping me moving forward at times.”
Sae closes her eyes and forgets most of her girlfriend’s words the second she wakes up.
…..
Even if she’s blissfully ignorant about the world of the Shadows, Sae can still tell something is wrong. She can feel it in the way Kotone kisses her, her cheeky nibbles replaced by ferocious hunger, an urge to consume as much of Sae as she could as if her girlfriend might be torn away from the brunette at any moment.
“I’m not leaving you, Kotone.” Sae meets her girlfriend’s eyes resolutely after one such make-out session.
Kotone strokes her cheek, eyes affectionate and smile pitying. “Everything ends eventually, Sae. We need to make sure the time we have counts.”
And they do. They spar in the afternoons, Kotone now able to hold herself against the older girl even if Sae still wins most of the time. They grab food from either the mall or the station, completing their homework over a shared meal.
“I think I want to become a nurse.” Kotone announces one day. “I like helping people, and… and I think I can accept what happens when people, well…”
Sae tilts her head. She doesn’t think the brunette is as good at dealing with loss as she thinks she is. Still, she knows now isn’t the time to say that. “You’ll need to work hard at your studies – nursing isn’t as rigorous as becoming a doctor, but it still requires good grades. Come on – let’s look at your biology assignments…”
Despite that, though, they still spend more time talking about Sae’s future than Kotone's.
“I feel a bit bad.” The silver-haired teen wrinkles her nose one day. “I keep on blathering on about my dreams all the time, and I don’t feel like I’m repaying the favour…”
Kotone places her finger on Sae's lips, shushing her. “We’re talking about your future because I want to, okay? I love hearing about how you’re gonna become a big-shot prosecutor and destroy evil for good.” Her expression turns more wistful. “The world can be so awful at times. It's nice thinking about how that could change."
Sae quietens down - it’s hard not to see where her girlfriend is coming from. Kirijo Takeharu and Ikutsuki Shuji both died the other day. Her dad is calling a lot more frequently now, and while he doesn’t push, he reminds Sae that Shujin will still accept her if she transfers back. Sae ignores him though – she meant it when she told Kotone that she’s not leaving.
…..
Sae can tell something is wrong, but she doesn’t question it. Deep down inside, she doesn’t want to – she’s young, happy, and in love.
…..
January ends. The world almost does too, though Sae forgets about that small detail until many years later.
…..
In the end, Sae doesn’t leave Kotone. Kotone leaves her.
As January turns into February, her girlfriend starts to fade. It's small things at first – less coordination in their sparring sessions, difficulty focusing in class – but as the month goes onwards, it escalates. The brunette stops eating as much, and then almost stops eating at all. No matter how much she sleeps, she never stops feeling tired. After a few weeks of this, Sae drags her to Edogawa’s office, and then to the hospital when that turns out to be a fruitless endeavour, but all the tests they perform turn up negative. Kotone simply needs rest, they say. Sae doesn’t quite believe them.
Her girlfriend does, and also elects to ignore their advice. The brunette doesn’t slow down at all – if anything, she seems to speed up. There isn’t a single day since they left the hospital that she hasn’t been doing something. Sae has seen more movies, visited more tourist attractions, and been to more museums over the past fortnight than she has since she moved to Tatsumi Port Island.
After several small fights, Sae tries to put her foot down and orders Kotone to get some sleep. Instead, Kotone spends the evening in the arcade with Iori, and Sae realises she's fighting a pointless battle. Not wanting to ruin the short amount of time they have left in Gekkoukan together, the older student ends up relenting.
The brunette lets out another yawn as they walk out of the school together, and Sae shoots a concerned glance her way. “Are you okay?”
Biffing her lightly – too lightly – on the shoulder, Kotone affectionately rolls her eyes. “Relaaaax, I’m fine! You’re such a worrywart at times – it must be your big sister instincts shining through.”
Sae frowns. She really doesn’t think that’s the case. Still, she'd promised Kotone she'd get off her case, so she doesn't call her on it. “So, what do you have planned today?” Sae asks with a sigh instead, and ignores the apprehension in her stomach as Kotone glows.
(In hindsight, it was obvious her girlfriend knew she was dying.)
…..
SEES saved humanity, but Niijima Sae’s world ends on the 5th of March, 2010.
As she leaves Gekkoukan for the last time, excitement buzzes in the silver-haired teen’s chest. After several long, arduous years, she’s finally graduated high school. Unsurprisingly, Sae has been accepted into one of the best universities in the country and is well on her way to becoming one of the youngest prosecutors Japan has ever seen.
A part of her heart aches – her relationship with Kotone will be reduced to phone calls and letters, even if only for a year – but her dream is finally in her grasp. She’s become the woman her girlfriend knew she could be.
Humming, she hops on the monorail to Iwatodai. Kotone congratulated Sae that morning, kissing her on the cheek, but while Sae knows her partner has plans with her dormmates after school, she'd like to spend some actual time with her girlfriend today. Besides, Kotone loves surprises. As minutes turn into hours though, and the sun starts to slowly fall towards the horizon, Sae’s good mood fades. She may have miscalculated how long the brunette would be out.
“I thought you might be here.” A man’s voice snaps Sae out of her increasingly upset musings, and turning around, her eyes land on Sanada Akihiko. The boxer looks like shit. His clothes and hair are dishevelled, and his eyes are red with recently shed tears. As he looks at her, he looks into her soul, and the pity in his eyes is unbearable. “I’m so, so sorry.”
Sae’s blood turns to ice. “What is it? What’s wrong? Where’s Kotone?!”
…..
Sae had once thought that Kotone wasn’t that good at dealing with loss. She’d been a fool. Kotone grieved, yes, but despite her sadness, she never lost sight of herself. She still managed to walk onwards to the future, head held high.
Sae doesn’t.
…..
Shiomi Kotone’s funeral is scheduled for the 12th of March. Sae’s father drags her back home on the 8th.
“Please.” Sae begs, tears and snot falling from her face as she pleads to her father over the phone.
“Absolutely not.” His voice brokers no argument. “There have been over seven suspicious deaths associated with Gekkoukan this year, and I’m not going to let you be just another number.”
“I loved her!”
For a moment, he’s silent. “… You’re too young to understand what that word even means."
Sae's not. She’s really not.
Sae returns to Tokyo, but the girl who believed in justice – believed that she could change the world – dies with her girlfriend.
…..
Good people are happy, calm, and friendly. They accept the world’s cruelties with grace and don’t succumb to temptation.
Sae doesn’t think she’s a good person anymore.
She’s angry, all the fucking time. A burning fire runs through her veins, and she wants to spit and snarl at anything and everything that crosses her path. Despite Kotone’s quips, the old Sae had never been violent. The woman who returned from Gekkoukan fantasises about it – about ripping and tearing and hurting things the ways she hurts.
That behaviour is barely tolerated in a child though, let alone an adult, so instead of embracing the fire raging within her, Sae grows cold.
She passes the bar exam, and her father looks at her with so much pride in his eyes. Once, it would have made her so, so happy. Now, she feels nothing but the faintest slither of contempt.
He dies not even a month later, and for a moment, her icy rage turns into cold numbness. As she starts to plan his funeral, however – because that’s what her life is now, funeral planning and meetings with accountants and bills and bills and even more bills – the burning rage she thought she’d quelled returns.
Maybe she should skip his funeral, and see how he likes it.
As the day arrives though, her childish revenge fantasies are quenched as her sister sobs and sobs and sobs into her arms. Sae holds her tightly, and for the first time in so long, her mind feels clear. Just what sort of horrible person is she turning into? Kotone had loved Sae for her passion – loved her for the way she cared about everything so, so much. Betraying her father is one thing. Betraying Kotone – betraying Makoto – is another. Guilt bubbles in her stomach, and she attends like the dutiful daughter she isn't.
She might not be a good person, but given she can’t be a good lover any more, she might as well be a good sister.
…..
In another lifetime, Sae would have been shocked by the wanton cruelty shown by the officers she works with, and the corruption that runs deep into the heart of the SIU.
In this one, she isn’t. She learnt the hard way that life is deeply, fundamentally unfair – why should the law be any different?
…..
Unlike another Sae, one who never went to Gekkoukan and never learnt that freedom isn’t quite as enticing as it seems, she doesn’t resent becoming Makoto’s guardian – not that much, anyway.
They still grow distant.
(Sae doesn’t shy away from warning Makoto about how cruel life is – it was better to learn that lesson young, so your heart doesn’t break when cold reality comes calling for you. Unfortunately for Sae, she hasn’t been a good teacher for a long, long time.)
…..
At the start of 2016, some kid from a quaint country town gets hired as an intern. Sae doesn’t really care until Akechi Goro gets foisted off onto her.
She cares a lot though when within two hours of meeting him, they’re dragged into a hellscape that apparently resides in her boss’ mind. As the teenager is knocked to the floor by one of the monstrous guards protecting the Director’s cathedral – defiance shining in his eyes even though the black beast that heeded his call earlier is nowhere to be seen – Sae has a revelation.
Life is unfair, and she is sick and fucking tired of it. She’s tired of losing everything she goddamn cares about – Kotone, her sense of justice, her father, her career. She refuses to lose the stupid intern who both got her into this mess and then tried to save her life as well.
Sae tears off her mask and unwittingly steps into her lost love’s shoes, though her tale is destined to have a happier ending.
…..
Sae enters Leblanc, Goro shooting her a fond smile from across the counter that has a vicious edge that he'd never dare show around their colleagues. The attic the teenager is boarding in is a perfect hideout for their less than clandestine side business, and Leblanc’s coffee is brilliant to boot.
Before she can greet her teammate, however, something catches her eye. A woman around Sae’s age sits at the bar, wearing a doctor’s jacket in conjunction with a studded choker, a short dress, and strappy platform heels. Sae tilts her head. How on earth can she get away with wearing that to work?
“Like what you see?” The woman purrs, voice coy.
It’s faintly nostalgic, but also not. That’s probably the only reason why Sae bothers responding. “Admiring your audacity, more like it.”
A startled but genuine laugh bursts out of the woman’s throat, and rising to her feet, she winks at Sae. “Well, if that’s the sort of thing you enjoy, maybe you’ll like this.” Walking right up to the prosecutor, the woman slips something into her pocket.
Slinking away, the doctor leaves Leblanc. Blinking, Sae withdraws whatever the woman gave her, only to realise it was a business card. On it is the woman’s name – Takemi Tae – and more pressingly, her number.
“I see the good doctor’s as smooth as ever.” Goro murmurs, before shooting a contemplative look her way. “Do you think you’re going to call her?”
Sae hesitates. It's... been a long time since she’s thought about things like dating and romance. As she considers it though – long evenings with a woman with short, dark hair, instead of a brunette with a ponytail – it doesn’t feel quite as discomforting as she thought it would.
Kotone would never truly leave her – people you love never do, not really – but for once, it doesn’t feel like she’s haunting Sae. For once, the past actually feels like the past, instead of a spectre looming over the future.
Eventually, she nods. “Maybe I will.”