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“You’re coming tonight, right?” Beomgyu asked Soobin as they walked away from their university. His hands were holding the straps of his bag in excitement, his steps light as he skipped through the crowd.
Soobin furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes staring at his best friend in confusion. “For what?”
“Oh, come on!” Beomgyu scowled, looking like an angry puppy with his wide eyes. “I talk about this drama all the time. The final episode is in two days and you promised you would watch it with me!”
“Yeah. Like you said, in two days,” Soobin said, the wrinkle between his brows deepening. “Why am I coming tonight again?”
“You’re going to watch the final episode without watching the whole season? But then you won’t have fun!”
“I accepted watching it because you kept whining about watching it alone and how it was no fun and what kind of best friend am I to let you watch it alone and—”
“Tsk, you’re no fun,” Beomgyu grumbled as he stared in front of him with a pout. Then he hit Soobin’s arm with his elbow. “But I hope you know that you’re still coming tonight.”
“Beomie, come on,” Soobin whined. “We have finals in two weeks. I need to pass them or my parents are going to kill me.”
“Two weeks is a long time,” Beomgyu murmured. “You already work so much. What about relaxing, just for tonight?” He fluttered his eyelashes, knowing Soobin wouldn’t be able to deny him anything when he asked cutely like this.
“Beomgyu—”
“Say yes already. I can’t believe I’m acting all cute and shit just to persuade my best friend to watch some drama with me.”
Soobin sighed as he watched Beomgyu staring at his shoes with sad eyes. He knew Beomgyu was laying a trip on him and he wasn’t actually sad, but he was never strong enough to say no to Beomgyu.
“Okay, fine. You won.” Soobin waved his hand. “But after that, we’re going to the library every day until the finals. Got it?”
“Oh my god, we’re going to have so much fun!” Beomgyu laughed as he grabbed Soobin’s arm, the traces of sadness long gone like it was never there to begin with. “I’ll order our favorites and make some popcorn and we’ll stay awake all night and—”
It hadn’t escaped Soobin’s notice that Beomgyu ignored his last words, but seeing him rambling with gleaming eyes was enough for him to sigh softly and listen to him with a fond smile. He could sacrifice a whole night and some sleep if it meant his best friend was happy like this.
Beomgyu didn’t notice his stare, too busy clinging to Soobin’s arm the whole way as he spoke about his favorite couple from the show.
It was going to be a long night.
STAGE I: DENIAL
“Scoot over,” Soobin said, a tray with a big bowl of popcorn and drinks on it in his hands.
“Come, come.” Beomgyu patted the space next to him as he moved aside in his small bed, his laptop already on his lap and turned on. There was a bright, colorful poster of the drama on the screen, waiting for them to click on it. He took the tray from Soobin’s hands as he waited for him to settle down, his lips curled upward with eagerness. “This will be so fun!”
“I’m sure it will,” Soobin patted Beomgyu’s hair and slightly pushed him back to his pillows. He laid his head on his best friend’s shoulder with a grin, his eyes crescent from his smiling. He dipped his hand into the bowl to grab a handful of popcorn before nudging Beomgyu’s jaw with his head. “You can start it.”
Beomgyu clicked on the video and adjusted the screen. The soundtrack started to play as he rested his cheek on Soobin’s head, his nose full of Soobin’s vanilla scent. He relaxed further and grabbed his drink, his eyes not leaving the screen despite seeing all these episodes before. Watching it with his best friend made it feel like a new experience, his mind already forming sentences to talk about it without giving spoilers.
“What do you think about it?” Beomgyu asked when they finished the first three episodes. He was staring at Soobin with big eyes, waiting for his review.
Soobin hummed as he pretended to think about it to mess with Beomgyu. But when Beomgyu hit his arm, he grimaced and rubbed his skin.
“Ouch, you have such heavy hands.”
“Just tell me if you liked it or not! Because if you don't like it, I won’t force you to watch the rest of it. I know I joked about it, but I would feel bad if you don’t enjoy yourself.”
Soobin’s face softened when he heard the anxiety in his best friend’s voice. Even if he didn’t enjoy it, he would still say he liked it to make him happy.
“I enjoyed it. The main couple seems interesting.”
“They are so cute, right?” Beomgyu asked in a high-pitched voice, excitement dripping down from his lips. “I watch this for them, to be honest. They are my favorite couple.”
“Why do you like them so much?”
“You’ll see. This is just the beginning,” Beomgyu said as he clicked on the next episode. “I can talk about them for hours, but you need to watch at least half of it before I spoil something big.”
“Let’s watch it, then,” Soobin responded, his eyes already looking at the screen in interest. “I’m curious about the cliffhanger.”
Beomgyu sighed happily as he stared at Soobin from the corner of his eyes. Soobin didn’t notice it, he was too busy staring at the screen, but it made Beomgyu smile at the sight.
Sharing his hobbies and small happiness with Soobin was always his favorite activity. Being with him alone in their small bubble, laughing and crying and talking to each other for hours, sometimes laying in comfortable silence… Soobin was his happiness, and he was so happy to spend time with his best friend like this.
The drama was long-forgotten as he stared at Soobin’s reflection from the screen, examining his facial expressions as he watched the episode. How he furrowed his eyebrows when the scene was tense, how he bit his lips when it got excited, how he blushed and snuggled into his neck more when it was romantic…
It was more interesting than the screen, so he watched his best friend for the rest of their marathon.
“So tell me about your favorite things about them,” Soobin asked as he yawned. “We watched more than half of it. I thought you wouldn’t stop speaking the whole time, but I didn’t hear a single word from you.”
“I was too focused to talk,” Beomgyu said. It wasn’t the truth, but he didn’t say what he was focused on, did he? “And why do you want me to talk? Don’t you want to watch the rest of it?”
“I like hearing your voice,” Soobin said, his voice laced with sleep. “And you always have interesting points. I like hearing them too.”
“Well, then…” Beomgyu hummed as he thought, listing his favorite parts in his head. Then he started talking as he counted his points with his fingers.
“First of all, they’re soulmates. Like, they always understand each other even without words. They always seek each other to be happy. The smallest things like going for a walk together or drinking coffee in the morning make them grateful. They’re each other’s safe haven and comfort place. They take care of each other. They don’t need anyone as long as they have each other. And they are best friends, and—”
“That sounds like us,” Soobin mumbled, his words muffled as he buried his nose into Beomgyu’s neck.
Beomgyu froze. His brain short-circuited at the sentence, making him forget all of his words.
“What?”
There was no answer. Beomgyu let out a nervous laugh.
“Binnie, what are you talking about?”
But Soobin was already asleep, his warm breath kissing Beomgyu’s neck softly. Beomgyu held his breath as he felt Soobin’s hair on his cheek, the room silent aside from Soobin’s small sleeping sounds.
“He must be crazy,” he muttered to himself after clearing his throat. “Did something fall on his head or something? What is he talking—”
But then his eyes caught their reflection on the screen, Soobin snuggling into him like a cat, his arms tight around his waist.
Just like the couple on the screen.
“Don’t be stupid, Beomgyu,” he mumbled. “We’re best friends, soulmates. We always do things like that.”
And it took a few seconds for him to process what he said, and all the things he listed about the couple.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, no.
“I’m going crazy,” Beomgyu laughed incredulously. “I’m- I’m not… That’s so stupid.”
He ignored his fluttering heart, ignored how he blushed as he felt Soobin’s warm breaths on his skin.
“It’s the lack of sleep. Yeah. Everything will turn to normal when I sleep.”
He moved the laptop to his nightstand, his movements slow in fear of waking Soobin up. After putting the tray on the floor, he leaned back and covered both of them with a blanket.
He froze and held his breath when he felt Soobin move, but Soobin just smacked his lips and put his head on his chest before he stopped moving, still asleep.
Still unaware of Beomgyu’s turmoil.
“For fuck’s sake,” he muttered. “Get your shit together, Beomgyu. Stop thinking nonsense.”
He closed his eyes with a shaky breath and prayed to fall asleep fast.
Soobin’s head was a pleasant weight on his chest, and his soft breaths would normally put him to sleep. But not today.
Beomgyu didn’t sleep the whole night.
⁺₊
“You look like a zombie,” Yeonjun said as he put a tall cup of coffee on the table. Beomgyu sighed and raised his head to stare at Yeonjun with deadpan eyes, his purple eye bags supporting Yeonjun’s claim.
“No shit, sherlock. I’m studying.”
“And how is that going?” Yeonjun laughed as he sat across from him, clearly amused by Beomgyu’s annoyance.
“It’s not going anywhere,” Beomgyu whined and slammed his head on the table. “I’m doomed.”
Yeonjun hummed. “Now, that’s a problem. I guess you should’ve listened to Soobin when he was forcing you to study.”
Beomgyu raised his head and glared at his friend. He knew Yeonjun was right, but it didn’t mean he liked to face or hear the consequences of his bad decisions. He wanted to flip him off so badly, but he bit his tongue and didn’t answer Yeonjun, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of saying, ‘I told you so.’
“Stop looking at me with your angry puppy eyes. You look like a chihuahua,” Yeonjun grinned and put his finger between Beomgyu’s eyebrows to stop him from scowling. It made Beomgyu frown more, and he swatted his friend’s hand before murmuring a grumpy “Fuck off.”
“Speaking of Soobin, where is he?” Yeonjun ignored Beomgyu’s words and looked around as if he was waiting for Soobin to pop out from somewhere. “I haven’t seen him much lately.”
“How the hell should I know?” Beomgyu turned his gaze to his laptop again, trying to read the same paragraph for the tenth time. “I’m not his keeper.”
He could feel Yeonjun’s wide eyes on him, and he gritted his teeth in annoyance as he continued to ignore him. He prayed to whatever deity out there for Yeonjun to shut up, but today was not his day.
“Well,” Yeonjun said, stretching out the words. “With the way you two are acting like a cute, annoying couple, I would at least expect you to have an idea of his whereabouts.”
There it was again. That cursed word.
Beomgyu tried to ignore and forget about Soobin’s stupid words for days. And it wasn’t so hard when he was under so much stress because of his finals. It was easy to convince himself that it was too much caffeine that was causing his heart to flutter and not whatever the hell his stupid brain was imagining. It was because of the cheap university coffees, for sure.
But of course, that stupid word found its way to Beomgyu, again. And it made him feel like it was the first time he heard Soobin’s words. Back to square one.
“Go and be stupid somewhere else, hyung,” he muttered, not having the energy to argue with Yeonjun. “I won’t entertain you anymore.”
“Okay, don’t be angry,” Yeonjun said, realizing he had pushed Beomgyu’s limits enough. He softly patted his hair and got up. “I’ll leave you to your books.”
Beomgyu wanted to be petty and ignore him, but he knew Yeonjun was just joking to take his mind off of the stress. It was just a bad-timed joke. He sighed and waved.
“Take care.”
He watched as Yeonjun walked away, his mind occupied with his stupid thoughts. He was already behind his study schedule and couldn’t afford to lose more time, but his brain was already far away in a dreamland.
He wondered if they really looked and acted like a couple. He knew their friends were joking about it sometimes, but that was just that — joking. Nothing serious. Beomgyu shouldn’t have gotten so hung up on it. Yet when Soobin said it himself…
He wondered what Soobin would say about it now. He wondered if he would laugh at Yeonjun or scoff like Beomgyu did if he were here. Soobin probably would have a bemused expression on his face — eyes wide and lips pouty in confusion.
Because it was stupid, and Beomgyu was stupid too for thinking about it after all these days.
He sighed and held himself back from banging his head on a wall.
“There is no way,” he mumbled as he stared at his screen with empty eyes, his hope for concentration lost. “No way. So stop thinking about it.”
STAGE II: ANGER
Beomgyu felt the weight of Soobin’s arm on his shoulders before he saw him.
“Hey, Gyu.”
“Hi,” he mumbled and raised his head from his phone to look at his best friend. Soobin was looking around with curious eyes.
“The guys haven’t arrived yet?”
“Kai texted me and said his professor wanted to talk to him about something. He’s probably going to be late. I don’t know about Taehyun and Yeonjun hyung though.”
“It’s okay,” Soobin shrugged and leaned back on his chair with a smile. “You’re here, it’s enough.”
Beomgyu stared at his side profile quietly, and begged for his heart to slow down. It didn’t mean anything, this was their everyday life.
He cleared his throat and turned his head away before he took the menu. His eyes were wandering on the paper aimlessly, not taking any information in as he pretended to choose his order. “Do you want to wait for them, or should we just order something?”
Soobin leaned over and put his chin on his shoulder to look at the menu. “I’m so hungry, I don’t think I can wait. Let me see.”
Beomgyu could feel the warmth radiating from Soobin’s skin from this close, and at another time it would make him relax, but now it only sent a shiver down his spine. He wanted to get away, he wanted this feeling to go away.
“Oh, love birds! Are you ordering before we even arrive? I’m so hurt.” Yeonjun said with a pout as he sat across from them, Taehyun following him with quiet steps.
Beomgyu flinched at the unexpected voice and pushed Soobin away hard with a forced smile. Soobin must not have expected this, because his back hit the chair harshly and a pained sound left his lips.
The table went silent as everyone stared at him with surprised and confused eyes. Beomgyu could feel his smile fade away, especially under Soobin’s sharp gaze.
He hated it. He hated how Soobin could act so carefree after uttering these words, he hated how he let them affect his life like this. Soobin didn’t even mention it again after that night, probably said it without even thinking. And here Beomgyu was, obsessing over a little joke like an idiot.
He hated how he became so cautious around Soobin, how others’ words lingered in his mind longer than before, how Soobin’s touches felt like something he needed to run away from. As if he needed to prove something to everyone.
He felt frustrated. Why was he the only one who was thinking about that? Why was Soobin so relaxed and so unaware of the consequences of his words? Why was everything so infuriating?
Why did he care about it so much?
Yeonjun cleared his throat and stared at Soobin. “Are you okay, Binnie?”
“Yes, hyung,” Soobin mumbled, gaze still on Beomgyu. “I’m fine.”
They quietly stared at the menu, and it was only after Kai came that the mood lightened up and they forgot about it.
Beomgyu didn’t. He slowly put his hand on Soobin’s knee under the table and squeezed it. A silent apology. Soobin nodded, slowly enough that only Beomgyu understood him.
Beomgyu took a deep, relaxed breath, and pushed his pent-up emotions at the back of his mind for now.
⁺₊
“Soobin, get up.”
“No, you’re so comfy right now.”
Beomgyu sighed as he watched Soobin bury his face in his lap, snuggling like a cat. They decided to gather at Yeonjun’s house for a movie night after their finals, but Soobin looked like he was far more interested in sleeping than choosing what to watch.
Beomgyu couldn’t blame him, they were all exhausted after this hellish week, but he needed to get up.
His hand was twitching at his side with the need to touch Soobin’s hair, it was a habit after spending so much time with his best friend, but he was so self-conscious about their friends watching them.
He knew he was probably being paranoid and nobody was paying attention to them. All their friends were used to their antics after all this time, they didn’t even bat an eye at their behavior. But his brain was telling him they were all looking at them — seeing them acting all lovey-dovey, whispering behind them that this is not how best friends act with each other.
He just didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea.
Taehyun stood in front of the couch they were sitting on, and nudged Soobin with his finger. Soobin whined and turned his back to press his face on Beomgyu’s tummy, making Beomgyu’s stomach tingle with want and annoyance at the same time. He desperately wanted to cuddle with his best friend, and he was so annoyed at himself because of that. And he was getting even more annoyed at Soobin.
“Hyung,” Taehyun said with a wicked grin, “wake your lover boy. The movie’s about to start.”
Beomgyu’s skin prickled at the comment, his defenses were getting up.
“Ew,” he scoffed. “As if.”
He felt Soobin getting tense in his lap, and Taehyun stared at him with wide eyes. He didn’t care about these jokes before, so Taehyun was probably puzzled at Beomgyu’s reaction. But Beomgyu couldn’t stand them anymore, every word was making him feel ill as if everyone knew something he didn’t. As if everyone was mocking him and playing a cruel joke.
He pushed Soobin’s head from his lap and talked in a fed-up voice. “And get up already. I’ve been telling you this for the last thirty minutes.”
Soobin slowly lifted his head with a blank face. His lips were pressed in a tight line, and his eyes were avoiding Beomgyu.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, his voice quiet and empty. “I didn’t realize I annoyed you that much.”
He got up from Beomgyu’s side and sat on the floor next to Yeonjun. Beomgyu watched as he put his head on Yeonjun’s shoulder and hugged his arm warily as if he was afraid of getting rejected by him too. But unlike Beomgyu, Yeonjun patted Soobin’s head and pulled him to his chest before directing his attention to the television.
Fuck. Now he was angry at himself. Soobin was hurt, and it was his fault. His annoyance left its place to guilt and worry. He didn’t want to make Soobin sad, he would never want that. He just wanted to…
He eyed Soobin and Yeonjun quietly, and something bubbled in the pit of his stomach — something ugly and new.
Beomgyu hated it. He hated everything. He hated how stupid he was, how he hurt Soobin’s feelings, how Soobin was finding solace in someone else’s arms…
He groaned and threw his head back, staring at the ceiling with an empty gaze.
Nobody paid attention to him as he kept cursing himself under his breath. And he certainly didn’t pay attention to the movie; his eyes watched Soobin with a sad gaze the whole time.
“Binnie,” Beomgyu mumbled as they walked in the empty street. The night was cold, and he was shivering as the wind kept hitting his face. But Soobin looked like he didn’t even feel it. Normally, he would whine and snuggle into Beomgyu, complaining that he was sensitive to the cold, but now he was walking a few steps ahead of Beomgyu in complete silence. He didn’t answer.
Beomgyu tried again. “Aren’t you cold? You’ll feel warmer next to me.”
Soobin kept walking in silence without even a glance. Beomgyu didn’t let himself get frustrated. He knew this was his fault.
“Soobin-ah,” he walked quickly and held Soobin’s wrist gently. He couldn’t stand the silent treatment from his best friend, his heart hurt too much. “I’m sorry.”
Soobin stopped and took a deep breath. He turned around and stared at his face, his eyes searching for something. Beomgyu could see the hurt seeping out from under his calm expression.
“I don’t know what’s your problem, Beomgyu,” he said, voice void of emotion. “You’ve been so distant for the last week, and I’m tired of second-guessing my actions. I don’t know why you’re so annoyed with me. I don’t even know if I did anything to deserve this treatment from you.”
Beomgyu averted his eyes, and his hand clutched the sleeve of Soobin’s coat tightly. He didn’t know what he could say to make everything okay without sounding stupid.
When he didn’t answer, Soobin continued, “And then you apologize, and I think ‘okay, we’re good now’, but then you get angry at another thing, and I don’t even know why! What’s your problem with me, Beomgyu?”
“I…” Beomgyu sighed. “I’m sorry. I swear it has nothing to do with you. I’m just… My head isn’t in the right place these days, and I took it out on you without realizing it. You know I would never do anything to hurt you.”
Soobin’s face softened, and his eyes glinted with worry. “Why didn’t you tell me something was wrong? You know you can talk to me, right?”
Not about this, Beomgyu grimaced internally, but he was grateful that Soobin was willing to listen to him with open arms when all Beomgyu did was be a dick to him. His guilt and love overwhelmed him, and he stared at Soobin with sad eyes.
“I know. I just need to understand myself first. But I promise I will be careful from now on. I don’t want things to be bad between us.”
“Okay,” Soobin nodded. “I can work with that.”
Beomgyu smiled softly, and when he hugged Soobin’s arm, Soobin didn’t push him. He just pulled him closer and started walking.
Beomgyu needed to work on his problem. It made him angry and he was afraid that he was going to ruin his friendship with Soobin if he kept acting like that. He didn’t know what to do, but he chose to ignore it as he snuggled into Soobin’s arm.
He finally felt better after days. And if it meant Soobin was going to be with him, he knew he could find a way to deal with his annoyance and his feelings.
He had to.
STAGE III: BARGAINING
Beomgyu stared at the ceiling while lying on his bed like a starfish. His brain was swirling with thoughts, but one of them was more prominent than the others.
“I need to go on a date,” he mumbled into his empty room. “I’m thinking these stupid thoughts because I spend so much time with Soobin. If I see someone else, I’m sure everything will go back to the way it is.”
He nodded to himself, convinced by his thinking. Of course that was the reason! What was he thinking? He was deprived of touch for so long that he was projecting his feelings on Soobin.
He laughed and straightened up as he picked up his phone to call Yeonjun. After three rings, Yeonjun answered with a sleepy voice.
“Yeah, Gyu?”
“Good morning, hyung!”
“It’s 6 a.m. in the morning, what’s your problem?”
“Can you find me a date?”
He met with silence. Then he heard Yeonjun’s bewildered voice. “Wait, what?”
“A date,” he pressed on, his voice excited. “Can you find one?”
“Where did that come from?” Now he sounded more awake, shock still apparent in his voice.
“I just realized I haven’t seen someone for so long. Don’t you think it would be good?”
“But I thought…” He stopped, then sighed before continuing to talk. “You know what? I can find you someone. I’m sure you’ll like them.”
“Thank you! You’re the best!”
“Yeah, sure. No problem.”
They hung up, and Beomgyu wiggled happily. Finally, finally, he could turn back to normal.
Everything was going to be alright.
⁺₊
“Which one looks better?” Beomgyu turned and held two outfits in front of him. Soobin didn’t raise his head from his phone, and Beomgyu pouted. “Binnie, come on! Pay attention to me!”
Soobin sighed and raised his head, his face void of emotion aside from boredom. He lazily looked over the outfits, then pointed out the baby blue sweater before turning back to his phone. “This one.”
Beomgyu furrowed his brows. “Are you sure?”
“Mhm.”
“Soobin,” Beomgyu sighed, exasperated. “I’m serious, I need your help.”
“Since when do you consider my opinions on your outfit choices?”
“Since I’m going on a date and you’re my best friend, duh.” He rolled his eyes. “Don’t you want to help me? Aren’t you excited for me?”
“Not really,” Soobin mumbled. He probably thought Beomgyu wouldn’t hear him, but he was wrong.
“Why?” When their eyes met, Beomgyu saw the fatigue in Soobin’s eyes. His face softened, and he threw the sweaters on the floor before sitting next to Soobin. He gently cupped his face. “Binnie, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Soobin shrugged and averted his eyes. “I just… I thought you would tell me if you decided to see someone, preferably not at the last minute.” He sighed. “I’m sorry, it’s stupid.”
“No, you’re right,” Beomgyu shook his head. “If I were you, I would be sad, too.” He tried to ignore the ugly feeling sitting on his chest at the thought of Soobin going on a date. “It’s just sudden for me, too. Otherwise, I would tell you right away.”
Soobin stared at his face, his gaze bringing a flush to Beomgyu’s face. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you decide to go on a date?”
Because of you. I need to end my stupid thoughts about you.
Now it was Beomgyu’s turn to shrug. “No reason. I thought some change would do me good.”
Soobin’s eyes wandered on his face. Beomgyu didn’t know what he was searching for, but Soobin must’ve not found it, because he lowered his gaze and sighed.
“Okay,” he said with a small smile. “Let’s get you ready.”
His smile didn’t reach his eyes, but before Beomgyu could say anything, he got up and picked up the sweaters from the floor.
Beomgyu stared at his back. He was going to talk about this with Soobin later, but he was going to be late if he didn’t start getting ready. So he bit his tongue and shelved his thoughts away before getting up.
He had a date he needed to go.
⁺₊
Beomgyu drummed his fingers on the table as he looked around with curious eyes. He was waiting for his date, and if he had to admit he was a bit anxious.
He didn’t know if his plan was going to work, but at least he could try to enjoy the night. He nervously tugged at the collar of his baby blue sweater. Looking at it made him think about Soobin, and how he sent him away with an unreadable expression.
Beomgyu didn’t want to think about Soobin and make himself worry when the reason for this was to distract him from his best friend, but he couldn’t help his traitorous heart. He wanted to ditch the date and go back to Soobin, but he forced himself to stay, telling himself that he would never be able to get rid of his problem if he kept going back to him.
When someone stood in front of him, he shook his head to collect himself and stared at the boy.
He was good-looking, and if Yeonjun was right, he was just his type. Beomgyu didn’t know what that meant, but he put a smile on his face and greeted his date.
“Hi,” he stretched out his hand. “I'm Beomgyu. You must be Doyoon.”
Doyoon smiled and shook his hand. “Nice to meet you.”
“Likewise.” He pointed at the chair across from him. “Why don’t you sit down?”
When Doyoon sat across from him, Beomgyu examined him carefully.
He was tall with raven hair, and he had a dimple on one of his cheeks. If he needed to be honest, he looked a bit like Soobin. But Soobin had two dimples, his eyes were bigger and his lips were fuller, and—
Stop thinking about him.
He cleared his throat and put a small smile on his face. “So, Yeonjun hyung told me we are in the same university.”
“Yes,” Doyoon nodded. “I major in computer engineering. You?”
“I’m studying for a bachelor’s degree in music.”
“Oh, is that so?”
Beomgyu furrowed his eyebrows. What was that reaction? Soobin always told him that he was extremely talented and that he admired him for following his passion.
Stop. thinking about him.
“Yes, is there a problem?”
Doyoon’s eyes widened before he waved his hand. “No, of course not. I was just surprised.”
Beomgyu already had a feeling that this date was going to fail. His vibes were wrong, and he was annoyed, but he didn’t want to give up that soon. He could still enjoy the night.
“So, what do you do in your spare time? Do you have any hobbies?”
“Would it be bad if I said nothing?” Doyoon nervously laughed. “I like to spend time on my phone, I guess. I already study so much, so I don’t have any energy left for anything else.”
Beomgyu loved reading books and discussing them with Soobin. He enjoyed going for walks with him, and listening to music together while they enjoyed the weather. They always had a drama they watched together at least once a week, and he loved playing guitar while Soobin sang for him. Soobin was never tired for him, they always sought each other out in their free time.
Stop. thinking. about. him.
“Oh,” he mumbled. “Don’t you get bored?”
“Not really,” Doyoon shrugged. Then he grinned and tried to wink. “But I can try to be available for new adventures.”
Beomgyu grimaced internally at the awkwardness he felt. His mood soured even more as he tried to force a fake laugh, and he took the menu in his hands to distract himself from his date.
This wasn’t what he imagined, not at all.
I wish I’d stayed with Soobin.
He sighed at his thought.
He was going to strangle Yeonjun for this awful date.
And then he was going to strangle himself for not being able to stop thinking about Soobin.
⁺₊
“So, how did it go?” Yeonjun asked with a smirk as he plopped down on Beomgyu’s chair.
Beomgyu gave him a venomous glance. “Awful. Did you do it on purpose?”
Yeonjun put his hand on his chest in a feigned offense. “I would never.”
“Then what was that?”
Yeonjun’s eyes found Soobin, who was sitting next to Beomgyu in silence. “There was nothing wrong with him, Gyu. You just have a… very specific type.”
Beomgyu could hear Kai and Taehyun cackle, and he crossed his arms in front of him with a scowl. “And what is my type, exactly?”
Yeonjun opened his mouth, but Beomgyu stopped him with his hand before he could talk. For some reason, he knew he wouldn’t like the answer. “You know what? Don’t even answer that.”
Yeonjun sighed and closed his mouth. Soobin interrupted their bickering with a quiet voice. “Why did you not like him?”
Because he was not you.
Beomgyu wanted to slap himself because of the thought that crossed his mind. What was wrong with him?
“He was boring and annoying,” he chose to say when he realized his friends were waiting for an answer. “So no, Yeonjun hyung. There was definitely something wrong with him and it’s not about me or my standards.” He grumbled. “Whatever that means.”
Yeonjun tried to talk again, but Beomgyu ignored him and turned to Kai. “You know what? Maybe the problem is Yeonjun hyung. Why don’t you find me a date?”
Kai’s eyes widened and he stuttered in surprise. “Wait, what? Me?”
“Yeah,” Beomgyu nodded excitedly. “Everyone knows you’re a social butterfly. I’m sure you can find me someone.” He saw Yeonjun and Taehyun giving Soobin a pitying look, and it made him uneasy. He didn’t want to look at his best friend. He just wanted to get this over with. “Well, yes or no?”
Kai looked around with wide eyes, and his eyes lingered a bit longer on Soobin before he nodded. “Okay… I can try.”
Beomgyu grinned in victory, but his smile faded when the warmth next to him left. He stared at Soobin, but Soobin wasn’t looking at him.
He faintly smiled as waved his phone. “I need to go. My friend called me.”
Beomgyu furrowed his brows. Soobin would never leave their meetings early if it wasn’t something important. “Is something wrong?”
“No, no. Don’t worry. Everything’s okay.”
Beomgyu frowned, but Yeonjun prevented him from saying anything. “Have fun, Binnie.”
Soobin smiled gratefully and nodded. “Thank you, hyung.”
He left shortly afterward.
Beomgyu stared at his hands with a pout, his cheerful expression from before was nowhere to be found. Soobin’s absence made him restless, and even though Soobin said nothing was wrong, he couldn’t help but worry. Soobin didn’t look happy when he left.
“Hyung,” he called out to Yeonjun. “Soobin is really okay, right?”
Yeonjun stared at him with something indescribable in his eyes, but a small smile took place on his face. “I’m sure he’s okay.”
Beomgyu nodded. He wasn’t convinced, but there was nothing he could do about it. So he shook his head and tried to distract himself.
⁺₊
“... and then Soobin laughed at me so much that he fell on the floor and hit his head,” Beomgyu said while laughing. His eyes were curved with the force of his smile, and his voice was higher.
This date was going well. Much better than he expected. They successfully passed the part where they introduced himself, unlike his previous date, and they were sharing their funny memories now. He knew the problem was Yeonjun! The guy Kai found, Sujin, was funny and kind.
“And one time we got lost in the middle of Ansan. You would think he’d know everywhere since he’s from there, but he didn’t! I don’t know why I was surprised. Knowing him, I should’ve expected something like that. Then it started raining, and we got soaked to the bone. So we stopped running and walked in the rain for hours. I was angry at that time, but now that I’m thinking about it, it’s such a funny memory. We got sick the next day together, our friends were so done with us.”
He shook his head fondly at the memory. He remembered how Soobin felt so guilty that he kept apologizing to him, and how he just sneezed in Soobin’s face and laughed at his disgusted expression.
He got separated from his thoughts when his date cleared his throat with a small, awkward smile. “You must be really close with Soobin.”
“He’s my best friend.” Beomgyu nodded. “Why?”
Sujin shrugged. “You just talked about him the whole night. I got curious.”
“Oh.” Beomgyu’s smile faded. “Sorry, I didn’t realize. We just have so many memories together, since he’s my best friend…”
“I see,” Sujin nodded and put his elbow on the table. “But I would like to hear more about you, if that’s okay.”
“Of course,” Beomgyu blushed in embarrassment. He wanted to hide for the rest of his life. What was his problem? How did he not realize he talked about Soobin that much?
He tried to change the subject and talk about himself. He still could save this date. He had to.
“I, uh…” He wasn’t dependent on Soobin. He was his own person with his own life and his own interests and stories. He wasn’t inexperienced. He went on dates before, so why couldn’t he find a word to talk to Sujin now? “I like music, and I like playing games with Soobin, and—”
“Can I be honest with you, Beomgyu?”
Beomgyu stopped talking and nodded. His face was still red.
“You’re very lovely, and you’re a good company,” Sujin said. “I would love to get to know you more, but I don’t think I am, or honestly anyone else is, what you’re looking for.”
Beomgyu furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?”
Sujin leaned back with a smile. He didn’t look sad and disappointed. He just looked amused, like Beomgyu was a child and he knew something Beomgyu didn’t know. “I think you’re looking in the wrong place.” His eyes glinted. “Or you know what you’re looking for and you’re running away. Did I guess correctly?”
Beomgyu averted his eyes. He didn’t know what to say. There was no saving from this, he officially ruined his chance to fix his life once again. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t—”
“No, no. It’s okay.” Sujin waved his hand. “I still would like to be your friend, if you want it too.”
Beomgyu nodded with a grateful smile. “I would like that.”
Sujin raised his soda can and smiled. “To our new friendship, then?”
Beomgyu laughed and clinked their drinks. “To our new friendship.”
When he leaned back, he realized he felt lighter as if this date was a burden on his shoulder. He didn’t feel sad; he was just glad that he made a new friend.
“So…” Sujin leaned over and grinned from ear to ear. “Tell me more about your Soobin.”
Scratch that. His new friend was a menace.
⁺₊
“How did the date go?” Kai asked with a curious voice. Beomgyu sighed and pressed the phone closer to his ear.
“I made a new friend.”
He heard Kai’s surprised laugh. “Friend? What happened?”
Apparently, I’m either comparing my date to Soobin or I keep talking about Soobin. And people realize that.
“Nothing. We just thought we clicked better as friends.”
“Good to know.” Kai stopped talking for a moment before asking, “Do you want me to find you a new one?”
Beomgyu didn’t. He knew it was a futile attempt.
“No, thank you,” he said. “I think I’m done with dates.”
STAGE IV: DEPRESSION
Beomgyu sighed as he watched a couple smiling at each other. Today was sunny and warmer than the last few days, but he felt like all the dark clouds were lingering above him.
“You look lost in thought.”
He raised his head when he heard Taehyun’s voice. Taehyun was standing next to his table with two cups of coffee in his hand, looking at him with slight concern.
“I’m tired,” he said as he scooted over to make room for Taehyun. Taehyun handed him the coffee, and they sat next to each other in silence as they watched the students.
Beomgyu’s eyes moved toward the couple he was watching earlier. They looked lost in their own world, laughing and staring at each other with lovesick gazes. There was something familiar about the way the boy kissed his girlfriend’s forehead softly, and Beomgyu ached with longing.
He thought about how Soobin pressed his lips on his hair when he thought Beomgyu was asleep, or how he forgot every bad thing when Soobin embraced him and kissed his temple softly.
He wanted to be in his arms again. He wanted Soobin to disperse his dark clouds.
“Does your being so quiet have anything to do with Soobin hyung?”
“No,” Beomgyu denied at first, but he gave up when Taehyun stared at him with knowing eyes. He sighed and pouted. “Maybe…”
Taehyun nodded. “You know he’ll be gone for just one more week, right?”
Beomgyu shrugged. Soobin was away for a research project since last week, and Beomgyu missed him like crazy. Two weeks were so long. He was not used to being separated from Soobin for so long like this. He felt like something was missing.
“Hyung, come on! Get out of that depressive mood.”
“I don’t want to.”
He heard Taehyun’s sigh. He didn’t care. He was still staring at that couple; imagining how he and Soobin would look from the outside. He watched them hold hands, and couldn’t help but think his and Soobin’s hands looked better when they were together.
He has been doing this a lot lately — seeing Soobin wherever he looks.
He was watching dramas and thinking about Soobin’s words; analyzing if they were really acting like the couples. He was daydreaming about what it would be like if he and Soobin were together.
He just wanted to bury himself in his bed and stay there forever while listening to his playlists to distract himself; but even then, whenever he heard a love song, his thoughts would drift to Soobin.
He felt obsessive and a little desperate, but it wouldn’t be so bad if no one knew it, would it?
It wasn’t like this was going to last forever. He just missed Soobin a little too much, and it was getting to his head. Everything was going to be okay when he saw Soobin again. He was going to go back to normal.
⁺₊
It was getting worse.
Soobin was back. And despite clinging to him like a koala and spending all his time with him, he didn’t feel like his old self at all.
He couldn’t stop daydreaming, he couldn’t stop seeing Soobin everywhere he looked. And it was making him miserable.
It was making him forget all he knew for his entire life.
All this time, he was sure they were just best friends, and they would stay like that forever. He never thought these traitorous thoughts would enter his heart and eat him away from the inside. He never thought someday he would imagine Soobin in another way. His heart was skipping whenever Soobin did something, even if it was something small like smiling at him.
He couldn’t handle all these feelings.
So he locked himself in his room and refused to come out unless he needed to eat or go to the bathroom. He was just staying in his bed all day, looking out from the window, and trying to find a way to cope with his emotions.
He didn’t answer his friends’ calls, and rarely texted them back to stop them from coming to his house. He didn’t want to see anyone, couldn’t find the strength to deal with their questions. He knew he didn’t have much time before the group found his excuses insufficient, but he was going to take advantage of this silence for as long as he could.
If only Soobin left him alone too…
The reason for his pity party, the main character of his problems, his clueless best friend…
Soobin still texted him at least three times a day to check up on him, and was trying to call him regularly. He was the person Beomgyu tried to run away the most to clear his head, but Beomgyu knew if he didn’t answer him, Soobin would just break his door and make him talk.
So he was answering his calls, and was making up excuses in seconds before hanging up. He could feel Soobin’s frustration from his texts, but he needed to understand and make peace with himself before he could face him.
Soobin would understand his reasoning if he knew. Too bad Beomgyu had no intention of telling him his feelings.
He was struggling to accept that the way he saw Soobin might be different from all he knew for their entire friendship. He never loved big changes, he chose to run and hide before facing them. And this was his biggest change.
He needed to do something about it; but to make a move, he needed to face it first. And he refused to do that. How much longer he could go on like this, he had no idea. But he was stubborn, and he ignored his time running out.
He could think about it tomorrow.
⁺₊
“Beomgyu-yah, wake up.”
Beomgyu heard someone’s voice calling out to him, but he was still so tired. He felt fingers running through his hair, making him even more sleepy instead of waking him up.
“Gyu, it’s time to wake up, baby.”
Beomgyu felt his lips twitching at the pet name, but he still chose to ignore it. He wanted to get his much-needed sleep. He heard a playful huff behind him at the lack of response.
“Okay, you asked for it, sleepy head.”
And then there were hands touching his waist, his belly, tickling him to wake him up.
Beomgyu shrieked with laughter and tried to stop it, but the hands were relentless, and they kept tickling him until he yelled and accepted his defeat.
“Okay, okay, I’m awake! Stop!”
When he caught his breath, he turned back, and met the face he loved so much.
His Soobin.
He was looking at Beomgyu with fond eyes while his fingers were caressing his waist. Beomgyu felt the warmth pool in his stomach, and he smiled. He raised his hand and cupped Soobin’s face, his fingertips brushing the dimples. This was the happiest morning he woke up, and he knew tomorrow would be better.
Waking up next to Soobin like this, this was his happiness.
“Good morning.”
Soobin tucked Beomgyu’s hair behind his ear and kissed his forehead gently.
“Good morning.”
Beomgyu sighed and closed his eyes. Soobin’s vanilla scent was dancing around the room, and his soft hands were warming his skin. He could fall asleep like that, in the comfort of his embrace, safe and sound.
But he opened his eyes, his need to see Soobin stronger than his sleepiness.
Soobin’s brown eyes were lighter under the sunlight that was coming through their open windows, and Beomgyu could swear little stars were hiding in them. So bright, so beautiful. Looking full of love, just for him.
He felt giddy, and couldn’t help his escaping giggle. Soobin chuckled and pulled him toward his chest. His heartbeat was under Beomgyu’s palm, and Beomgyu knew their hearts were beating in sync.
He raised his head, and the tip of their noses touched. Soobin nuzzled their noses gently; a soft, intimate moment. The time was still while Beomgyu basked in Soobin’s love and warmth. His hands were wandering under Soobin’s t-shirt, just with the pure need of feeling him.
Soobin pressed his lips to his temple, his cheeks, his eyes. Then his lips brushed Beomgyu’s lips; so soft, so gentle. Like a butterfly's touch. Beomgyu’s eyes fluttered close and he pressed their foreheads together, the taste of Soobin’s lips still lingering on his tongue.
He was happy, and in love.
“Let’s get up, love,” Soobin whispered. “It’s time to wake up.”
Beomgyu woke up with a gasp. His eyes were wide, and he couldn’t help but touch his lips with shaky hands. His heart was pounding in his ears so loud that he was afraid it would escape from his ribcage.
His dreams were… They were never this vivid, they never felt this real and warm before. If he didn’t know better, he would think this was his reality.
But his room was dark, and he was alone in his bed. Soobin wasn’t here.
And his heart hurt with yearning. The lingering warmth was fading away and leaving its place to the bitter cold of loneliness. Beomgyu felt the chill seeping into his bones, the burning ache pulsing in his veins.
He rubbed his face tiredly and lay back down on his bed.
Soobin’s eyes weren’t leaving his mind, so full of love, so gentle, so familiar. Beomgyu wanted to see them. He wanted to stare into them and see that love, only for him. His chest was full of butterflies, ready to fly away the second he saw Soobin’s shining gaze on him.
He sighed and turned to his side, his eyes watching the sunlight slowly painting the sky a pale blue, the inky black of the night fading away without leaving a trace. The sun was rising.
It was a new day, and he knew he couldn’t run away anymore.
STAGE V: ACCEPTANCE
Beomgyu was in love with Soobin.
And he needed to make a decision.
He was scribbling on the paper in front of him lazily, tuning out his professor’s voice. He knew not listening to the lecture was going to bite him in the ass when the exam time approached, but right now it was not even the last point in his priority list.
His eyes stung with the lack of sleep, and he was sure he looked cranky because none of his classmates spared him a glance before sitting away from him with hesitant gazes.
And his dream was still replaying in his head nonstop, making his chest hurt with both longing and the fear of the unknown.
So yeah, he couldn’t care less about this class right now.
“Beomgyu-ssi,” a girl, whose name he couldn’t remember for the life of him, nudged his elbow and he raised his head questioningly, his thoughts disappearing from his head.
“Yeah?”
“The class is dismissed,” she said, “you can go.”
“Oh.” He looked around with wide eyes, not realizing he was the only one who was still sitting. He turned his gaze to his classmate and gave her a small smile. “Thank you for telling me.”
She nodded and hung her bag on her shoulder before leaving Beomgyu alone.
He quickly put his notebook in his bag and got out of the class. His steps were aimless as he walked in the halls of his department, his mind occupied with his messy heart.
He had to do something, anything to save himself from this haze. But—
“Hi, Gyu,” he heard Soobin’s voice calling out to him excitedly, and his heart stuttered.
“Hi, Binnie.”
Soobin put his arm around Beomgyu’s shoulders and gave him a dimpled smile. “I’m coming to your house tonight for a movie night.” Beomgyu opened his mouth, but Soobin didn’t let him speak. “And you can’t tell me no, because you’ve been avoiding me for days, and if you keep doing that I’m going to beat your ass.” There was a threatening gaze accompanying his sickly sweet smile, and all Beomgyu could do was nod as he gulped in nervousness.
He gave his best friend a shaky smile. “Of course, you can come whenever you want.”
“Great!” Soobin patted his arm before pulling away. “Then I’ll see you tonight.”
The only thing he thought as he watched him leave was that he needed to pull himself together. If he kept acting stiff like that, Soobin was going to realize something was wrong, and god forbid realize Beomgyu’s feelings, and Beomgyu couldn’t afford that now.
If Soobin was going to learn his feelings, it was going to be from his mouth.
⁺₊
MOVING ON;
Pros:
・I won’t have to deal with the fear of breaking up with Soobin
・He can stay as my best friend for life, I won’t lose him
・We won’t risk our friend group's future because what if something bad happens between us?
・Won’t have to deal with rejection, will save my dignity and heart
Cons:
・Heartbreak (it’s going to be bad)
・Seeing him with other people because I didn’t take my chance
・Possibility of not moving on??
・Might have to avoid him for a long time, what if he gets bored with me and ends our friendship?
・Regretting that I didn’t confess, wondering what would happen if I took my chance for my whole life
CONFESSING;
Pros:
・He can be my boyfriend
・I can kiss him and Beomgyu focus
・Well, he can be my boyfriend?
・I can finally leave behind this mess called “Beomgyu’s mind and feelings”
・I can be happy with him
・Soobin
Cons:
・I can lose Soobin
・I would have to live with this embarrassment for my entire life
・We can harm our friend group, it would be so awkward
・Might have to drop out and change my identity to avoid him
・Heartbreak (it’s going to be SO bad)
・REJECTION? DO I NEED TO SAY MORE?? I’m a little hopeful though
Beomgyu sighed and stared at his list. It was messy and ridiculous, and it did nothing to help him. All it did was stress him about his decision.
There was no correct answer to his crisis; all choices had good points that he couldn’t ignore, and he still didn’t know what to do. He’s been sitting at his desk since he got home, trying to put his thoughts down on paper hopelessly. The sky was darkening, and he didn’t even prepare something to eat for the movie night.
He grimaced when he remembered Soobin was coming. He didn’t think he could deal with Soobin being so close to him without breaking down and—
He was startled by the knock on his door and crumpled the paper without realizing it. He didn’t expect Soobin to come this early. He quickly got up and shoved the paper in his pocket before fixing his hair.
“I’m coming!”
He ran to the door, took a deep breath, and opened the door with a smile. Soobin was looking at him with happy eyes as he lifted and shook the bag. “I brought drinks!”
Beomgyu took the bag from Soobin’s hands before welcoming him into his home. “Come in.”
Soobin walked toward the living room and plopped down on the couch. “Did you choose a film?”
“Not yet.”
Soobin furrowed his brows. “Not yet? You always choose what we’re going to watch hours in advance, though?”
“This was unexpected,” Beomgyu shrugged as he went to the kitchen to make popcorn. “I didn’t go through my watch list.”
“It’s okay. We can find something together.”
“Okay.”
The house was silent while Beomgyu was in the kitchen, but when he returned to the living room, Soobin’s face brightened and he pointed to the television. “I found something interesting. Do you want to watch it?”
It was one of those cliché romantic comedies, and Beomgyu didn’t understand why Soobin chose it when he didn’t prefer watching them in the first place.
“I chose it for you,” Soobin said as if he read Beomgyu’s mind. “You loved that drama so much, so I thought you might like this, too.”
Beomgyu’s heart swelled up with his overflowing love, even though one part of him felt shy at the mention of the drama. He remembered Soobin’s words, and how he clung to him afterward like a cat, and how it was the start of everything.
“Thanks,” he smiled as he sat down next to Soobin. “Let’s start, then.”
They settled down with a big bowl of popcorn, beers, and a blanket on their laps. Beomgyu turned off the lights. Soobin pressed start.
They didn’t talk much while watching the movie. Beomgyu was trying to concentrate on the plot and ignore Soobin. But he wasn’t that successful. His warmth, their brushing hands, the colors dancing across his face…
It was so hard to keep his eyes on the screen when Soobin was next to him.
He felt like a stupid main character in a stupid romantic movie. He wondered what he would say to himself if he watched it from the outside.
“He’s so stupid,” Soobin mumbled without taking his eyes off the screen. “It’s so obvious she loves him, too. Say something already!”
Beomgyu stared at him — at his furrowed brows and pouty lips, at his messy hair and deep dimples.
The alcohol was buzzing in his veins, and Soobin was right beside him. His hand clutched the list he put in his pocket, and—
“I love you.”
Soobin froze, and time stood still. Beomgyu could hear the car horns outside, his heart pounding in his ears, Soobin’s quickened breaths, the movie in the background… He was hyperaware of everything, yet his eyes only saw Soobin.
“What?”
“I love you,” Beomgyu repeated. What was done was done. There was no point in running away when everything he wanted was right next to him. “I’m in love with you.”
Soobin turned his gaze to him. They stared at each other silently. Beomgyu didn’t look away, even though he felt like he was going to faint from anxiety. He hoped Soobin could find whatever he was searching in his eyes, because all of his words were coming from his heart.
He wanted Soobin to see his feelings, to take his heart and cradle it gently.
Soobin’s frozen expression melted into a soft smile. His eyes curved with the force of it before he uttered—
“I know.”
Beomgyu’s relieved sigh at the sight of Soobin’s happy expression got stuck in his throat with those words.
“I– What?”
Soobin laughed. “Why did you think I talked about us being like a couple?”
“What?”
“I thought I was too obvious, too.”
“What?”
“Though I doubted myself a little when you started going on dates, to be honest. But I guess I was sad for nothing.”
“Wha–” Beomgyu stopped himself from repeating the same word like an idiot. He didn’t understand anything. What was going on? “What are you talking about, Soobin? What do you mean ‘I know’?”
“Well,” Soobin shrugged. “I always knew you loved me. I just waited for you to realize.”
Beomgyu’s eyes widened in anger. He was writhing in a turmoil of emotions all this time for nothing?
“You—” Beomgyu started hitting on Soobin with his pillow and yelled. “Do you know how hard it’s been for me? Why didn’t you say anything?”
Soobin blocked him by holding his hands and stared at him. “Would you believe me?”
Beomgyu stopped at Soobin’s question, out of breath because of his attack and Soobin’s piercing gaze. “What?”
“Would you believe me if I said you love me?”
He wouldn’t. He would tell Soobin to stop joking around and dismiss his words.
He averted his gaze in embarrassment. He was a fool for not seeing and denying something so obvious.
“Hey, look at me.” Soobin gently held his chin and raised his head. “I didn’t say that to make you feel bad. I’m just… I just wanted you to understand where I’m coming from. You understand me, right?”
Beomgyu nodded and stared into Soobin’s eyes. Soobin was looking at him with a sparkling gaze, and Beomgyu saw everything he needed to see. Relief, happiness, love…
But he needed more.
“You didn’t say it back.”
Soobin looked confused for a moment before a sweet smile settled on his face. His hand moved to his cheek and he caressed Beomgyu’s cheekbone slowly.
“I love you too.”
Beomgyu sighed and pressed their foreheads together, just like in his dream. This brought a smile on his face.
They loved each other. That meant he could have this forever.
Soobin chuckled and wrapped his arms around Beomgyu. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this.”
Beomgyu snuggled into his chest and took a deep breath of his comforting scent. “How long have you known?”
“Know what? That you love me or that I love you?”
“Both.”
“Hm. I realized you loved me when you studied my exam subjects, and then taught them to me slowly because I couldn’t understand them and was anxious about passing the class. I mean, we’re majoring in two completely different things and you hate studying. I thought you must have really loved me to do that.”
Beomgyu remembered it. All he wanted was to see Soobin happy again. He remembered wanting to do anything to help Soobin smile. He never thought much about it afterward, convincing himself that he would do it for any of his friends if they needed it.
He wouldn’t. He was just too blind to see it.
“Then what about you?”
“When we had a sleepover and I woke up next to you. I thought I would love to wake up next to you for my entire life. It was a simple thought, but I knew I wouldn’t want anyone else. That’s when I knew.”
Beomgyu felt like crying. Soobin’s love was so pure, so genuine that he realized he would do anything to keep it with him forever. He tightened his hold around Soobin. Soobin kissed his head.
“So, does that mean we’re boyfriends now?”
“Yes,” Beomgyu nodded without hesitation. “And you can’t get rid of me now.”
“I don’t want to,” Soobin said. Beomgyu could feel his happiness from his smile. “I would never want to.”
⁺₊
Beomgyu woke up when the sunlight hit his face. He could feel Soobin’s fingers running through his hair slowly, and it made him smile. There was a pleasant warmth sitting in his chest, and all the butterflies were flying freely.
He turned around and stared at his boyfriend, but his giddy smile faded when he saw Soobin reading a piece of paper with an amused grin on his face. He narrowed his eyes. Was that—
“You have quite an interesting list here.”
Beomgyu’s eyes widened and he quickly straightened up. He leaned over Soobin to take it back, but Soobin just lifted it with a chuckle. “Slow down, baby.”
Beomgyu was so embarrassed that his mind didn’t even catch the pet name. “Hey, give it to me! Where did you get that?”
“I found it on the bed! It’s not my fault that you put it in your pocket!”
“Soobin, give it to me. I swear to god I’m going to—”
Soobin kissed him softly, interrupting whatever he was going to say. Beomgyu froze for a moment before he melted into Soobin’s lips, forgetting why was he mad in the first place. All he knew and felt was Soobin, Soobin, Soobin.
Soobin pulled back with a cheeky grin and pressed his lips on Beomgyu’s nose. “What were you saying?”
Beomgyu didn’t remember. He didn’t care. He was already addicted to the taste of Soobin’s lips, and Soobin could interrupt him as much as he wanted if it involved his lips.
He leaned over and kissed Soobin again; not caring about the list, not caring about their uncomfortable position. He loved their every intimate touch, and he would do anything for them. He thought he could get used to having these moments for the rest of his life.
He felt Soobin’s smile on his lips. He smiled back.
Yeah, he could totally get used to this.