Archive of Our Own

The thing is, there isn’t really any reason why he shouldn’t go. He doesn’t know James very well but he seems nice enough, and it’s not like he’s spoilt for choice for guys that are out at school. It’s literally just him and James so he should probably at least give the guy a chance.

So yeah, there isn’t really any reason why he shouldn’t go.

Except, that is, for the blonde-haired, freckle-faced, strong-rugby-armed reason currently lying on his bedroom floor.

Nicholas Luke Nelson.

His best friend.

Upon whom he has the most all consuming, earth shattering crush.

So yeah, there’s that.

And the thing is sometimes, just sometimes, Charlie feels like maybe, just maybe, Nick might like him back. Ever since they started hanging out back in January, they keep having these little moments. To start with it was just saying hi to each other in the corridor on the way to lessons, but Nick always looked really happy to see him. And in form in the mornings, Nick would always be there first and his whole face would light up when Charlie walked in and he’d instantly start telling him about something silly Nellie did the night before or ask Charlie to help him with his maths homework. Then more recently when they started hanging out together out of school, the moments seemed to be getting more, well, charged for want of a better word. Take just last week when Nick hugged Charlie goodnight after he’d been over watching a film at his, a hug that had prompted Charlie to text the group chat to ask what does it mean when Hot Straight boy hugs you for like a full ten seconds? Not to mention Tori uttering the words “I’m not sure he’s straight,” which was somehow simultaneously the most mind blowing and panic inducing sentence he’d ever heard in his entire life.

And now there’s the whole date with James situation. Nick had seemed almost upset when Charlie had told him about it earlier. Well, maybe not upset exactly, but he definitely seemed as though he had feelings about it. If only Charlie knew what those feelings were. If only he was brave enough to ask…

“So, um, what do you reckon James and I should see at the cinema on Saturday?” he asks cautiously as Nick sits up taking a break from his English coursework.

“Oh, I dunno,” Nick replies, frowning slightly. “Haven’t you made plans already?”

“Well, technically I haven’t said yes to meeting him yet…”

“Do you not want to go then?” Nick asks quickly.

“I don’t know, I guess so. He seems nice and it’s not like I have a queue of eligible bachelors knocking down my door.” He chuckles quietly, trying to make light of the conversation. “But at the same time I don’t want to, you know, lead him on.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Nick replies softly.

“It’s not like I have a crush on him or anything. I guess it would be different if I did. Like if I got butterflies in my tummy every time I was with him, or if I ever wondered what it would be like to hold his hand or to kiss him.”

He hears Nick take a sharp intake of breath. He suddenly seems unable to meet Charlie’s gaze, instead appearing to be fixated with staring at his hands. Charlie knows he’s treading down a dangerous path but he's almost powerless to stop now he has started.

“So anyway, what about you?” he continues, trying to act cheerful and nonchalant but not convinced he’s really pulling it off. “Anyone you have a crush on at the moment?”

“Um,” Nick mumbles, his eyes still focused completely on his lap.

“Oh…” Charlie mutters, trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice. Maybe he had misread everything after all. “What’s she like then?”

Nick sits there quietly, still unable to meet Charlie’s eye as he picks at a thread on the cuff of his hoodie.

“I don’t, er, well… it’s just…” he stammers.

Nick looks so small right now, curled up into himself, his legs pulled closely to his chest, his arms tight around them. All Charlie wants to do is wrap himself around him and hold him, tell him everything will be okay. But instead he waits, knowing that Nick just needs time to process what he’s trying to say. The hug can wait.

“I’ve kind of been having these new feelings recently and I’ve just been so, so confused, and part of me is completely freaking out but the other part…”

“You know you’re my best friend, don’t you?” Charlie murmurs softly. “You can tell me anything, Nick. I’ll always be here for you.”

“Yeah, I know I can, but this is different. The feelings I’ve been having, they…” He stops suddenly and takes a deep breath as if to steady his nerves. “They involve you, Char. And sometimes they make sense and feel like the most natural thing in the world and then other times they seem so big and scary, and I haven’t known how to…”

He pauses and finally, slowly, lifts his gaze from his lap and meets Charlie’s eyes. Eyes full of nothing but understanding and warmth, of compassion and empathy. He knows he can tell Charlie anything.

He knows he can tell him this.

He knows he needs his best friend to help him figure things out.

He knows he just needs to be brave.

“… I haven’t known how to tell you how I feel about you,” he says as he breathes out shakily.

Charlie feels like all the air has been sucked out of lungs, but he knows he needs to be strong for Nick right now. He knows his best friend needs him to make him feel seen and safe and secure, that wherever this conversation is about to go he needs to be the one to help Nick get through it, to help him navigate what he’s been feeling.

He knows that if Nick can be brave, that he can be brave too.

That they can be brave together.

So he decides to try and meet him halfway.

“These feelings…” he starts, trying not to sound too shaky. “Do you think it would help if I said that maybe they might be similar to the ones that I’ve been having for you?”

Nick’s eyes widen suddenly and he lets out a breath Charlie hadn’t realised he’d been holding. “You, you… like me… like that?” he asks hesitantly.

“Er, yes, obviously!” Charlie chuckles, “Nick, I’ve had a massive crush on you pretty much since we first met. Why do you think I agreed to join the rugby team, you idiot!”

“Oh,” Nick sighs happily, and it’s like the tension between them immediately diffuses. They are back to just being them, Nick and Charlie, best friends who can tell each other everything.

“Nick, can I… would it be okay if I… held your hand?” Charlie asks as he tentatively shuffles over towards his best friend.

“Um, yeah, that… that would be good. I’d like that,” he replies quietly as he nervously holds out his hand and Charlie interlaces his smaller fingers in between Nick’s larger ones and squeezes them gently.

Charlie looks up with hopeful eyes. “Hi.”

Nick meets his gaze, his eyes threatening to brim over with tears. “Hi.”

“Oh, Nick, it’s okay. If this is too much, we… we can just talk. I don’t want you to feel…”

“No, Charlie, I’m not… I’m okay. Honestly. It’s just a bit overwhelming. You’ve no idea how long I’ve wanted to know what it would feel like to hold your hand.”

“So how does it feel?” Charlie asks uncertainly.

“Like they are a perfect fit,” Nick replies without even thinking.

“Oh!” Charlie blushes furiously. “Well that’s… that’s good.”

“Oh god, I think I’m having a proper, full-on gay crisis,” Nick blurts out suddenly. “Like I have all these feelings, Char, and all I’ve wanted to do is talk to you about them, but they were about you and I just didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or ruin our friendship. But then when you said earlier about feeling butterflies in your tummy when you have a crush on someone, that’s how I feel around you. I can’t lose you though Char, I can’t… if I didn’t have you I don’t know what…”

“Nick. Nick, look at me,” he says as Nick lifts his gaze back to Charlie’s face. “You’re not going to lose me. Ever. I promise. Okay? And these feelings, we’ll work through them together and we’ll figure out what they mean for you and what they mean for us. I’ve got you. I will always have you Nick.”

And it’s as if those words, I will always have you, finally give Nick permission to let go of all the emotions he’s been holding in for so long and he crumples into the arms of his best friend. Charlie holds him close and despite being smaller than Nick, he completely wraps his arms around him. He holds him tightly and they just sit there together, Nick sobbing quietly. They pull apart momentarily and as Nick looks at Charlie again, and Charlie’s smile silently says everything Nick wants to know, gives him all the reassurance he needs. He buries his head back in his best friend’s shoulder again and just lets all the warmth and comfort he can feel wash over him.

“So, um, I’ve been doing some googling…” Nick says somewhat sheepishly when they eventually pull apart and once he’s wiped his eyes and shuffled back slightly to lean against Charlie’s bed.

“Nick Nelson, googling stuff? Surely not!” Charlie mocks before realising that maybe now isn’t the time for teasing. “Hey, we’ve all been there you know, it's okay. Asking google if it thinks you’re gay is like a queer rite of passage.”

Nick blushes and chuckles softly. “Apparently I’m 62% gay for you, Charlie Spring.”

“Only 62% huh? Well, I guess I can work with that!”

“Are you flirting with me, Char?” Nick asks, his eyes wide.

“Do you want me to flirt with you, Nicholas? ‘Cos I think you kind of started it with the whole I’m 62% gay for you.”

“Um, yeah. I think I like it,” Nick replies, his cheeks flushed.

“Good. Me too,” Charlie grins, his eyes sparkling. “And I get butterflies in my tummy around you too, just so you know.” He picks up Nick’s hand and laces their fingers together again.

“You do?” Nick replies. His trademark lopsided smile erupts on his face, and he gently rubs his thumb over Charlie’s fingers.

“Yeah, all the time.”

“That’s, er, that’s really, yeah. Mine are bouncing around like crazy right now,” Nick confesses, his face flushed the most beautiful colour Charlie thinks he’s ever seen.

“Mine too,” Charlie murmurs softly as he stares wondrously at their fingers playing tentatively with each other. “So um, do you want to talk some more about everything?”

“I mean, I do want to talk about it all and I know that you’re going to be able to help me figure everything else out, but right now I think my brain might need a bit of a rest.”

“Okay, well, that’s fair. And… there is something else we could do now instead of talking…” Charlie suggests with a cheeky glint in his eye.

“Oh, and what might that be?” Nick replies, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck.

“I think you can probably guess.”

“Maybe I can, but I still might need you to say it. Just to be sure.”

“I don’t want to put any pressure on you.”

“But what if I wanted to do the same thing? Shall we both say it at the same time?”

“Oh my god, why are we like this?!” Charlie laughs.

“I have no idea, but I like us just the way we are. So, what do you say, after 3?”

“1… 2… 3…”

“I want to kiss you so bad right now,” they say in unison.

“Okay.”

“You don’t have to…”

“I want to.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Nick answers shakily.

They tentatively lean towards each other and as their lips meet for the first time it’s like sparks and crackles of energy appear in the air around them. They keep brushing their lips together over and over until Nick feels brave enough to put his hand on the side of Charlie’s face and Charlie pulls Nick’s closer to him with the front of his hoodie. They pause momentarily to catch their breath, both panting softly, before diving back towards each other. More confident this time, Charlie runs his tongue along Nick’s lips and is granted access as they kiss and kiss and kiss.

“Wow,” Nick says, when they finally stop to catch their breath.

“Yeah, wow. That was…” Charlie agrees, so dazed he’s not entirely sure what he’s agreeing to.

“So I’m not sure Buzzfeed got it right though you know,” Nick muses. “I reckon I’m 100% gay for you Charlie Spring.”

“Well I’m most definitely 100% gay for you.” Charlie giggles as they look at each other, both grinning like idiots and blushing furiously.

“So anyway, um Char? About that date with James…”

“What date with James?” Charlie replies, smiling widely as he leans back towards his best friend and their lips meet once again.

Fin.