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nick_nzzzz: So anyway, I know what I’ve been meaning to ask you, are you free on Saturday?
charlie_spr1: oh um, i’m meant to be going to the cinema with james remember?
nick_nzzzz:Oh shit yeah, I’d forgotten about that. Oh well, doesn’t matter.
charlie_spr1: no, what were you going to say?
nick_nzzzz: Well its just that mum is out for the day and I was wondering if you wanted to come over and keep me and Nellie company? Maybe thrash me at some mario kart and then steal all the olives off my pizza?
charlie_spr1: oh well, when you put it like that, i feel like its my civic duty to keep you and my favourite nelson company. i can just tell james i’m busy after all and we’ll have to do it another time maybe
nick_nzzzz: Don’t think I didn’t see what you did there Char, favourite Nelson 🐶 You wound me! Anyway, are you sure? If you want to go out with James we can just hang out another time.
charlie_spr1: yeah absolutely positive, much rather do this. anyway gotta go, mum is shouting that dinner is ready, joy… chat later?
nick_nzzzz: ❤️
///
Nick sighs as he flumps back on his bed and puts his phone down on the duvet beside him. The fact of the matter is that he didn't actually forget about Charlie going out with James at the weekend. Truth be told, he’s thought about little else since Charlie mentioned James had asked him the other day. And while he feels bad for fibbing to Charlie, he really does want to spend the day together on Saturday and if it means Charlie doesn’t go out with James? Well, that’s just kind of an added bonus.
Simply put, Nick has become increasingly confused about his feelings for his best friend over the last couple of months, especially since they started hanging out at each other's houses after school and at weekends. As a result he’s spent a lot of time, sometimes into the wee small hours of the morning, poring over the internet looking for answers to his seemingly unending list of questions. And now that he thinks he has them, he’s decided he’s finally ready to tell Charlie about them. Well, maybe ‘ready’ is a bit of an overstatement. He’s nervous as hell and still isn’t 100% sure how to put it all into words, he just knows he wants to confide in his best friend.
///
“Argh, just let me win, Charlie!” Nick groans after yet another gruelling Mario Kart loss.
“Oh, poor Nicky,” Charlie laughs, ruffling his hair. “But I do seem to remember you texting that you wanted me to come round and whip your arse, so I’m just keeping up my end of the bargain!”
Both boys momentarily flush red at the double meaning behind Charlie’s choice of phrase and there is an awkward moment where they jostle each other on the bed before Nick asks Charlie if he wants him to go order their pizzas.
“Maybe wait a bit longer before we get them. I’d love a cup of tea though,” Charlie asks cheekily.
“You are such an old man,” Nick chuckles, shaking his head as he disappears downstairs to put the kettle on.
“Actually,” Charlie calls out. “You may as well order them now, you’ll need to keep your strength up as you know I’m only going to thrash you again otherwise!”
///
Later, when the pizzas have been demolished and the boxes are strewn all over the kitchen table, Nellie sits and waits patiently. She’s hoping for any crusts that might come her way, her head resting on Nick’s knee while he absentmindedly plays with her ears. He’s had the best day hanging out with Charlie, they’ve had such a great time and he’d be lying if he didn’t think there were more of these moments they seem to keep having together recently. Like when their fingers had accidentally brushed together when they were picking up the remote controls earlier and he’d felt these little sparks of electricity at the touch, or when Charlie had ruffled Nick’s hair and then flushed bright red when he’d realised how flustered it had made Nick. He knows it’s time to tell Charlie how he feels, he just needs to find the words.
“Char?”
“Mmm?” Charlie replies as he wipes pizza sauce off his fingers with a piece of kitchen roll.
“You know you’re, like, my best friend?”
“Yeah I know, silly,” Charlie chuckles looking up and suddenly seeing the nervous look on Nick’s face. “Hey, what is it, what’s wrong?”
“I just, er, I need to tell you something and I really hope you won’t be mad at me.”
“Why would I be mad at you?”
“Well, because… Charlie, I lied to you the other day. I mean, it wasn’t a big lie, more like kind of a little white lie, but I still feel really bad about it and I want to be honest and maybe have a chance to explain.”
“O-kay…” Charlie says, somewhat cautiously. “What did you lie about? I’m sure it's not that bad Nick, honestly.”
“Um, well it wasn’t true when I said I’d forgotten you were meant to be going out with James this afternoon, when I asked if you wanted to hang out today. I hadn’t forgotten. I just er…” he pauses momentarily while he rubs his hand anxiously along the back of his neck. “I just didn’t… I didn’t want you to go out with him.” Nick exhales shakily with a mixture of relief that the truth is finally out there and fear of how his best friend might react to this revelation.
There is a silence while Charlie processes the words Nick has just uttered. He looks over at him but Nick momentarily avoids his gaze as he shuffles his hands together nervously. He lifts his head and their eyes meet. Charlie can see how apprehensive Nick is and all he wants to do is reassure him, but before he can figure out what to say, a whole stream of consciousness uncontrollably erupts from Nick.
“Char, please tell me you don’t hate me and you’re still my best friend, I just couldn’t not say anything and it’s taken me a while to kind of figure out a lot of what I’ve been feeling recently, and I don’t really think I have everything totally figured out but I just know that the idea of you going out with James made my tummy feel funny, and like not in a good way, and I just…I just…I can’t… Oh god, please say something.” The words have just tumbled out, leaving Nick breathless and looking slightly wild.
“Nick, hey Nick, slow down, it’s okay. Of course I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.” Charlie smiles softly, finally finding his voice. “How about you tell me what’s been going on? You know you can tell me anything, don’t you? I’m feeling nervous right now too, but we can figure this out together okay? I know we can.”
Nellie whines softly as she nuzzles her face into Nick’s leg, looking up at him with soft brown eyes. He can feel her touch grounding him as he runs his hand gently through her fur. He takes a deep breath and looks from the eyes of his beloved pet into those of his best friend. Eyes filled with nothing but understanding, warmth and kindness, just like Nellie’s. He knows what Charlie said is true. He knows he can tell him anything. He just needs to be brave.
“So um, when you told me that James had asked you out it… er, it made me feel a bit weird, but I wasn’t really sure why. To start with I thought maybe it was because I was worried about um… about maybe him being like Ben and that he’d try to take advantage of you, but I know James isn’t like that. He’s a decent guy and like he’s out and everything, but just the thought of anyone ever hurting you again like he did, I just couldn't bear it if I wasn’t able to look after…”
“Nick, I don’t need…”
“Oh shit, Char, no, I know you don’t, uggghhh that came out all wrong. I know you don’t need looking after but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to look after you… which made me work harder on trying to figure out these other kinds of feelings I’d already been having, that um… I’ve been having for a while now. They’ve been really confusing but I think James asking you out just helped me realise the real reason I was feeling so protective of you…”
Charlie just sits there quietly waiting for Nick to collect his thoughts. He’s feeling jittery and unsure where Nick is going. Well, he knows where he hopes he’s going, but mainly he just knows his best friend needs his support right now, so he waits.
“I think I have feelings for you, like in a romantic way, Char,” Nick finally admits, his breath catching slightly. “Well, I mean, I don’t think I do, I know I do. I’ve um, I’ve been doing a lot of research into sexualities and stuff recently, and yeah, I’ve realised that I… I still like girls, but um, I like boys too. Well specifically a boy. You.”
Nick shuffles uneasily in his chair, waiting for Charlie to say something, anything, when suddenly his face erupts into the biggest, brightest smile Nick has ever seen as he reaches across the table for Nick’s hand. “Can I?” he asks hesitantly.
Not trusting himself to speak right now, Nick just nods furiously as Charlie reaches over and interlinks their fingers, squeezing them gently. “I like you too, Nick. I’ve liked you for ages.”
“You do? Oh, that’s, um, that’s good,” Nick replies, his hand going to rub the back of his neck again out of habit, but this time the nerves of earlier have been replaced by his trademark lopsided smile. “I know we only started hanging out properly a couple of months ago, but I started liking you way before that.”
“I think I liked you from the moment I first saw you,” Charlie replies softly, his cheeks flushed with happiness.
They sit there in giddy silence for a couple of minutes, their fingers playing gently together. Simply soaking up the joy of admitting their feelings for each other has them both grinning like idiots.
“So, how did you realise that you, um, that you like me?” Charlie finally asks.
“Honestly? It was kind of like a gradual thing I think, but god, Char it made me so, so confused at times. I remember watching you run in PE once when Coach Singh was shouting at everyone that you were leaving them all in the dust and just thinking you looked really cool and I just couldn’t take my eyes off you and didn’t really understand why, but I just couldn’t.”
“Nick, that was so long ago!” Charlie exclaims, as he shifts in his chair and looks over at Nick, his eyes sparkling brightly.
“I told you I’ve liked you for ages,” Nick murmurs, the beautiful bashful flush Charlie is rapidly becoming obsessed with returning to his face. “Then there were more of these little, like, moments we kept having that gave me butterflies and I just couldn’t ignore them any more. I couldn’t ignore the way being around you made me feel.”
“I felt them too you know,” Charlie admits, “full on crazy, swooping, bouncing butterflies. I feel them all the time around you.”
They look at each other briefly, both smiling softly at one another, neither one of them quite believing that this is finally happening.
“I think it really hit me after I got home from watching Back to the Future at yours the other week. I just couldn’t stop looking at the photos I’d taken of us the day it snowed. Not to mention that I almost tried to hold your hand while you were sleeping,” he adds sheepishly.
“You tried to hold my hand?” Charlie whispers incredulously.
“Um, yeah. You were just lying there under your blanket and you looked so peaceful and your hand was kind of resting upwards and I just couldn’t stop myself. I kind of hovered my hand over yours a couple of times and it was like I could feel all these crackles and sparks, but I… Well, I wasn’t brave enough to do anything more than that.”
They both look at their joined hands on the table, fingers still playing together, gently exploring the feeling of each other’s touch, seemingly unable to stop them intertwining. Almost as if now their hands know they are allowed to hold each other, they are never going to let go.
“I just wanted to know how it would feel more than anything,” Nick admits after a few moments.
“And how does it feel?” Charlie asks softly.
“Like electricity,” Nick replies, without even thinking.
“Yeah, it really does,” Charlie agrees.
“So I guess after that came a lot of googling,” Nick confesses.
Charlie laughs gently. “Well if you can’t ask google if it thinks you’re gay, who can you ask?”
Nick chuckles. “After researching stuff on a bunch of different websites and doing quizzes with questions that quite frankly I didn’t know how to answer half the time, apparently it turns out I’m 62% gay for you. Feels more like 100% right now though, I’m not gonna lie,” Nick grins widely.
“So… about the whole still liking girls thing, which is totally totally cool by the way! Are you thinking that maybe you’re…”
“Yeah. I think I’m bi, actually. Pretty sure anyway. I’ve been saying it to myself in my head a lot recently, testing it out I guess, and it feels like that might be me. Being bisexual feels like it fits.”
“That’s really great, Nick. I am so incredibly proud of you,” Charlie starts. “Can I… can I give you a well done hug?”
“Absolutely!” Nick replies instantly and they pull their chairs out from round the table so they can wrap their arms around each other, slotting their legs between one another’s. Nick immediately sinks into Charlie’s warm comforting embrace, tucking his head into his best friend’s shoulder. “This is now officially my favourite place to be,” he murmurs softly.
“Is that right?” Charlie chuckles. “And what exactly do you think you’re doing there?”
“Recharging,” Nick sighs contentedly. “Ha! You get it? I’m re-char-ging.”
“Yeah I get it, you giant rugby idiot.” Charlie giggles.
They stare shyly into each other’s eyes when they eventually pull apart from one other. “Well, that’s the well done hug ticked off,” Charlie states, “but I was kind of wondering if maybe you’d want a well done kiss too…?”
“Yes. Um, yeah, I would very much like one of those, Char. God, you have no idea how much,” Nick murmurs softly before lacing his fingers between Charlie’s again, already craving the connection he feels every time they touch.
As their fingers intertwine, Nick wonders how he can feel like his heart is going to beat out of his chest but at the same time feel more grounded than he ever remembers. Like the calming effect Charlie’s presence always has on him is now mixed with crackles of energy, even more heightened by the way his cool hands feel against Nick’s warm ones. It’s as if they were made to hold one another, made to create sparks. Like his hands have found their home.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Charlie replies, pulling Nick out of his reverie. “I think maybe I do…”
Before he can say anything else, Nick is tentatively leaning towards him, both of them keeping their eyes open until the last possible moment. They only flutter shut when their lips gently brush together for the first time. Nick is immediately struck with how warm and soft Charlie’s lips are, how he’s dreamed of kissing him for so long and now he finally is, it’s so much better than he ever imagined it would be. Before long they break apart, panting softly.
“Wow. Best well done kiss ever,” Nick grins.
“Yeah? Oh, I’m pretty sure we can do better than that,” Charlie smirks as he lifts his hand to the back of Nick’s head, playing softly with the hairs on his neck, and guides their lips together again. This time they are both more confident, more certain. It’s a kiss so full of longing and emotion, a kiss that says 'I like you so much and I love liking you.' The kiss of two people who have just discovered what it’s like to kiss the only person they are ever going to for the rest of their lives. Neither of them ever wants it to end.
But they need to breathe so eventually they pull apart again, resting their foreheads together, just staring into each other’s eyes. Hopelessly, ridiculously, overwhelmingly happy.
“Nick, you know there was nowhere else I’d rather have been this afternoon, don’t you? I didn’t want to go on that date with James either so when you asked if I wanted to come round, well, I was never going to say no. I hope you know that.”
“Yeah, I know that, Char,” he replies smiling, as he leans forward, puts his hand on the side of Charlie’s face and connects their lips again.
Fin