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Once switching off the engine of the car, Adam grabs his bag that had been tossed uncaringly onto the passenger seat while simultaneously opening his door. The frigid winter air nips at his skin the second he steps out from the warmth of his vehicle.
There’s a faint orange-ish glow in the night sky as snowflakes fall from the clouds above. It has been snowing for quite a while now, starting way before Adam had even began his journey back home, and there is already a light dusting of the white frost on the ground to prove it.
Adam lets out a shivering exhale and watches as his own breath crystallizes in the air before him. Tugging his coat closer to his body to try and preserve the warmth that is already slowly starting to slip away from him, Adam carefully makes his way up the walkway toward the house.
Snow crunches under his boots as he walks, it’s the only sound in the otherwise still night. Not even the usual barking of neighborhood dogs seems to disturb the quiet snowfall.
Stopping suddenly in his tracks about halfway up the path, Adam turns his head towards the large window that looks into the front room of the house. The curtains may be drawn but he can still just make out the faintest glow of a lamp that has been intentionally left on for him.
It’s by far not something that is new.
Ever since registering for night classes in order to work towards getting his GED, Lawrence has always left that one specific light on to greet Adam back home at the end of his day. Despite the months that have gone by with Adam being welcomed by the soft yellow glow of the lamp once getting back from school, it still has his heart skipping in his chest the same exact way it had the first time he came home to it.
Warmth erupts in his chest. Spreading wildly like vines on a trellis, it wraps around every single vein and nerve ending in his body before squeezing his heart into a tight yet achingly tender embrace. Adam clings to that feeling as he continues the rest of his short journey up the walkway until he reaches the front door.
As he slips his key into the lock, Adam stomps his feet on the outdoor mat to get rid of any excess snow clinging to his boots. Much like always when he comes home from his classes this late, the house is comfortably quiet. Only the barely-there hum of the heating system fills the otherwise soundless air.
Dropping his keys and bag onto the foyer’s accent table, he quickly sheds his coat and hangs it on the wall rack. Adam struggles with kicking his boots off for a moment. Being so low on energy already he doesn’t want to go through the hassle of having to untie them and loosen the laces but he does eventually manage to get them off with a soft groan of relief.
His sock-clad feet pad quietly on the wooden floors as he then makes his way to the front room which is dimly lit by the one lamp still turned on.
The smallest tug of a smile softens on Adam’s lips as he crosses the room to reach the light. Maybe it’s silly for it to feel like his heart is about to burst over something as simple as a lamp being left on but the thing is that to Adam it is so much more.
Since leaving home at the ripe age of seventeen all Adam had for a while was being the burden of couch-hopping before he started to make some cash with his freelancing gigs. After that it turned into coming back to shitty dark apartments he could barely pay the rent for– and when rough times got impossibly shittier– the occasional revolving door of roommates that would always wind up screwing him over.
There was never the promise of permanence, never the assurance of coming back to the kind of warmth that could heal maimed souls.
Lawrence leaving a light on for Adam seems to be such a small thing to do but the meaning behind it goes far beyond that surface layer of simplicity.
It’s about how Lawrence doesn’t want Adam to come home in the night and stumble through the dark as he tries to make his way to bed. Even for the nights that he is unable to do it himself, Lawrence still wants to welcome Adam home with the kind of gentle and quiet love that he deserves.
That glowing ball of warmth inside of Adam intensifies over the fact that Lawrence cares enough about him to give a significant reminder that no matter what at the end of the day Adam will always have Lawrence to come home to.
Reaching under the lampshade, Adam twisted the nozzle causing the lamp to turn off with a soft click. Even as the room around him gets engulfed in darkness, Adam still feels so at ease.
The beacon of light residing in his chest guides Adam through the house and towards the one person who is single-handedly able to make Adam’s insides turn to mush without even needing to be in the same room.
Adam, keeping his footsteps as light as humanly possible, makes his way down the hall that leads to his and Lawrence’s bedroom. Considering how late his classes end, including the half-hour drive back home, it’s not uncommon for Lawrence to already be asleep by the time Adam does come walking through the door.
Slowly he opens the door to the bedroom, grimacing– and nearly cursing at the damn thing– when the hinges softly squeak as he pushes it open. The small noise doesn’t seem to matter though because as he steps into the room he finds that Lawrence is still lying undisturbed in slumber as soft snores slip past his parted lips.
Adam lets out a quiet exhale of relief as he tip-toes through the dark and into the en suite bathroom, shutting the door behind him to not let the light wash into the bedroom and possibly wake his boyfriend in the other room. Walking to the other side of the vanity, Adam looks at where a pair of boxers and one of Lawrence’s old t-shirts from his college days are neatly folded on top of the counter. A post-it note lies beside the clothing.
In Lawrence’s neat yet slightly lopsided handwriting it reads: Didn’t know if you wanted to shower when you got home but laid some clothes out for you anyway just in case.
As tempting as a nice long hot shower sounds, all Adam really wants to do is climb into bed and latch onto his boyfriend– very much similar to how an octopus would– and lay his head on his chest allowing the steady beat of Lawrence’s heart to guide him into a deep sleep.
Adam takes a moment and smiles down at the small square paper while his heart flutters erratically as if ready to beat right out of his chest. He reads the note over and over again, the words serving as yet another reminder of how deeply Lawrence cares about him. It really makes Adam feel clumsy at times like he is in a constant state of tripping over his own heart.
Letting out a yawn, Adam begins to quickly strip from his day clothes and change into the ones that were so thoughtfully left out for him. With sleep beginning to fog his brain, and the promise of a warm bed with the other half of his soul waiting for him just on the other side of the door, Adam opts to simply swish some mouthwash instead of actually brushing his teeth tonight.
Once spitting the mouthful of cool mint alcohol into the basin, Adam stops when he catches his own eyes in the mirror.
A soft flush still lingers on his cheeks from the cold or perhaps the change in color on his face is just the sort of effect Lawrence permanently has on him. However, it’s not the shade of rosy pink lightly dusting his features that sticks out the most to Adam.
It’s the fullness in his cheeks, the brightness in his eyes, and the soft curve of a smile on his lips that really takes Adam back for a moment. It’s not hard for him to count the numerous times in his life that he has been happy, however, he cannot recall one single instance where it has actually shone through his appearance.
That’s what is staring back at him right now. Adam isn’t just the happiest he has ever been in his entire life but for the time possibly ever he’s actually content with his life, where he is going in it, and who he is sharing it with. He’s practically glowing with the pure uninterrupted ease that comfortably warms his insides.
And to think that a lot of it is thanks to the man who is sleeping in just the other room.
Adam won’t give Lawrence all of the credit. After all, there was the need for the two of them to figure things out on their own for a while. They needed the time, the space to heal separately before they could even begin to heal together. He also won’t say that Lawrence didn’t play a huge part in giving him the one thing that Adam himself would have never been able to find on his own let alone be deserving of.
It’s the simplest things like leaving a light on for him to come home to or setting out a change of clothes and a small note in case he wanted to take a shower that just proves how worthy of it Lawrence believes Adam to be.
Adam, who has always seemed to be able to love so easily yet never has been easy to love. Then here comes Lawrence, loving Adam as if it comes as naturally to him as breathing.
It truly is a bit overwhelming at times and he’s still getting used to it all, however, Adam wouldn’t change a single thing about it. Maybe it’s not ideal per se the way that they were brought together– very much less than ideal actually– but Adam loves where he and Lawrence are at now. He loves the life they share together and are continuing to build every single day. He loves Lawrence.
With that serene ball of warmth nuzzling deeply in the center of his heart, Adam turns off the bathroom light and makes his way back into the bedroom. The second the mattress dips with Adam’s weight, Lawrence stirs and takes in a sharp inhale as he rolls onto his back to watch Adam climb into bed.
“Hey,” Lawrence says, voice deep with sleep as a small lopsided smile tilts on his lips.
The greeting Adam gives in return is a quiet one. Pulling the blankets over his lower half, Adam turns on his side and props himself up on his forearm only to then lean down over Lawrence to press a kiss to his lips. It’s sweet and slow and maybe lasting a second or two too long for it to be considered just a quick peck.
Adam hasn’t always been good at words. For most of his life, he’s found difficulty in expressing any emotion that didn’t include anger. For longer than he cares to admit, Adam used anger and apathy as a shield to protect him from how much of a shattered mess he truly was.
Despite a lot of it changing over the past few years– and him continuing to put the work in every single day– he still finds it hard to verbalize the overwhelming emotions swimming laps around his heart.
Adam finds that there will never be a string of words that he can pull together that will ever get across perfectly what he feels for Lawrence and the littlest, quietest ways the man loves him in return. So, instead Adam lets the kiss they share in the calm of the night scream the unspoken words for him.
Then there’s Lawrence. Lawrence who has the patience when Adam doesn’t have the words. He’s come to learn how to read the little things, the microexpressions, the tiniest of movements, and the simplest acts. Adam is almost completely sure that Lawrence has learned how to read his mind at this point.
Now he can feel every emotion Adam is pouring into this kiss. Pulling away, Lawrence brings a hand to the side of Adam’s face, cupping his cheek with such tenderness. Adam leans into the gentle touch as he looks down at his boyfriend.
Even with Lawrence’s eyes still heavy with sleep, Adam can make out just the slightest bit of worry swimming in the depths of blue irises. Lawrence tilts his side slightly as his thumb gently caresses the acne-scarred skin on Adam’s cheek.
“You okay?” Lawrence questions, searching Adam’s eyes for some sort of hint of something possibly being wrong.
He doesn’t find any, not when Adam smiles softly as his eyes fill to the brim with uninterrupted love. He nods before finally saying, “I’m just really in love with you, is all.” Immediately the bit of concern in Lawrence’s eyes dissipates as a small smile curves on his lips before he’s leaning up to kiss Adam once more.
It remains chaste, gentle, and sweet yet is shorter than the last one. Even so, Adam chases after Lawrence’s lips as the man breaks the kiss. Eyes fluttering open, Adam finds soft blue eyes filled with devotion staring back at him.
“Good,” Lawrence says, voice low and still rasped with sleep, “because I’m really in love with you too.” He finishes with a whisper in the quiet of the night.
Adam’s heart skips, his stomach erupts with butterflies, and his body feels warm all over. He knows Lawrence loves him, has known before Lawrence even really knew himself but hearing him actually say it still makes Adam feel like he’s floating up into the clouds.
They share another slow and gentle kiss. And another. And another, until they’re both giggling between each one before matching yawns slip right past their lips. They then settle into one another; Lawrence wrapping an arm around Adam’s head and pulling him close as his fingers lightly play with the short hairs at the back of Adam’s head.
Adam lets out a satisfied hum that reverberates through his chest, almost purr-like, as he presses right into Lawrence’s side, entangling their legs and laying his head on Lawrence’s chest.
Soon enough Lawrence’s hand stills and is snoring once again, Adam isn’t too far behind. Pressed right against the warmth of his boyfriend’s body and with the steady beat of Lawrence’s heart acting as a metronome, Adam is welcomed into a peaceful yet dreamless sleep.