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Liar, Liar, Vampire (Real Vampire AU)

Summary:

What if Davis Pell was a real vampire? Just a really lame vampire that eventually learns to live with his dorky-ness, and that he doesn't have to be a "movie perfect vampire" to feel wanted.

A retelling of the nickelodeon movie Liar, Liar, Vampire.

Chapter 1

Summary:

Davis moves into his new home with his mom in the US to escape persecution of vampires back in Australia of all places.

Notes:

(Not to be taken seriously, just having fun wit it cuz for some reason. I've been wanting a fanfic of this movie an there's like nothin here at ALL. So you'll get unironically decent writing and you will like it 🗣)

Chapter Text

[POV: Davis]

 

 

Moving vans and boxes. Packing and unpacking. That's pretty much been my life for as long as I can remember. My name is Davis Pell. Because of my mom's job, we've had to move around a lot. I only just moved to America from Australia. When you're always the new kid, it's pretty hard to make friends. Most of the time, it's just me hanging by myself. Never having a chance to settle down can be a bit lonely, but I've found ways to keep things--

 

 

My train of thought was interrupted.

 

 

"Hi-ya!"

 

 

Interesting.

 

 

A wooden stake was thrown towards me while I was lost in thought. I managed to dodge before it hit my chest. 

 

 

"It couldn't be..." I turned and saw a man wearing a mask and black clothing run towards me. I ran right towards him at my full speed and began to throw hits. With my speed, this hunter didn't stand a chance against me!

 

 

"Oh-ha!" The masked man fell to the ground.

 

 

Then suddenly, just as I defeated this masked man, I looked up to see a man wearing black clothing and a trench coat throw a wooden stake, which I managed to grab before it strikes me.

 

 

"Rayzon, you followed me to America?" I demanded an answer. How did he find me? Our battle was back in Australia.

 

 

"I would go anywhere to finally destroy you, Davis Pell." He crosses his arms. "Even suburban Seattle."

 

 

"Let's end this." 

 

 

Rayzon ran towards the neighbor's backyard, and I followed. He jumped over the fence, parkour style, while I was able to float upwards to get over. We met face to face in the large yard. He pulled out a sword, and I picked up a sword.

 

"This sword is coated by 30 silver coins, Davis Pell," he cut through the air. "And you know what this will do to your kind."

 

"I know..." I held the sword handle in both my hands, "I'm not gonna let you defeat me."

 

We began fighting, and I began to get lost in my imagination, again. It's possible I'm not the coolest guy in the world. In fact, most people would say I'm kind of a dork. And you know what?

 

 

I grunted as Rayzon pushed me to the ground, nearly pressing the blade of the sword to my neck.

 

 

They might have a point. I mean, look at this. I'm having an imaginary fight, and I'm losing.

 

 

I struggled, pushing against the blade with my sword. I finally pushed him off me, then I ran fast, making it to the front porch in less than a second. He kept fighting...

 

 

But not anymore. I'm at a new school. Heck, I'm in a new country. Things this year will be different. I'm going to have friends. I'm gonna be popular. Maybe I'll even get a girlfriend for once. Whatever it takes. Starting this year, Davis Pell isn't going to be a loser anymore!

 

 

"Ya!" Reality came back to me as I pretended to have plunged the sword into Rayzon's neck. 

 

 

I felt proud of myself, but I immediately froze when I heard slow clapping. I turned around slowly and saw a blonde girl wearing a fedora and Tumblr-esk clothing, who was sitting on a porch swing. She smiled slyly, and I got nervous.

 

 

"I think you got 'em" She stopped clapping and held on to the book in her lap.

 

 

"You didn't see all that..." I smiled nervously, willing my fangs to retract back into normal human teeth, "Did you?"

 

 

"I think I can safely say I didn't see much as you and Rayzon did." She emphasized his name, and opened her book, which I noticed was Twilight.

 

 

"Rayzon..." I chuckle nervously, rubbing the back of my head out of accustomed shyness.

 

 

"Yeah..." She nodded.

 

 

"Yeah..." I put both my hands in my jeans pockets. "So...you live next door?"

 

 

"No, just a big fan of porch swings." Her smile turned serious. "Travelling the country porch swing to porch swing." I then realized she was joking.

 

 

"I hope that works out for you." It was clear she already thought I was an idiot who plays make believe, so I turned to walk away.

 

 

"Wait!" She exclaims, making me go rigid. "Don't move."

 

 

I turned to face her, grimace on my face, and saw her stood up from the porch swing and pretend to pull a bow and arrow.

 

 

"Shhhw!" She made a sound that resembled an arrow flying. I turned to look behind me and glanced back at her with a questioning glance.

 

 

"There was one right behind you." She said matter of fact as she sat back down.

 

 

"Thanks Katniss." I smiled playfully.

 

 

"No charge." She opened her book again and began to read. 

 

 

I guess this was my sign to leave and get back to unpacking. I began walking away, smile fading from my face.

 

 

Cmon Davis! This is your chance! A pretty girl who also like make believe is right over there, sitting while reading a book that isn't accurate about vampires! You can do this.

 

 

I stop walking and slowly turn around, walking back tot he girl. I rocked back and forth nervously as I finally spoke up.

 

 

"Hey, I was wondering. Maybe because I'm new in town and all that, that maybe you could--" Before I could finish my sentence, the girl interrupted me, while still focused on her book.

 

 

"Uh, uh, uh, turn it around, ninja warrior. I don't date boys who play make-believe." She looked up from her book, looking really serious. But a playful smile grew on her face.

 

 

"Right, got it..." I turned and walked away, mentally punching myself.

 

 

How could I let myself be so stupid! I'm not like the vampires in her book, all suave and mysterious. I'm a dork...

 

 

I went back to the moving van and grabbed a box with my name on it. As I entered the new house, I saw my mom talking on her phone. Something about window tint, though my hearing abilities weren't all that good.

 

 

Once I made it to my new room, bed all set up, I laid the box down and began to take out it's contents, which consisted of kaleidoscopes, big and small, with stands for them as well. For no particular reason, I felt the need to explain it to my imaginary audience. See what I mean by me being a dork?

 

 

Well, either way, you're probably wondering about the kaleidoscopes. My mom gets me one every time we move. Told you we moved a lot. I've been collecting them since I was a kid. I don't know what it is about them. I guess I just like having something to show for all the places that we've had to hide in. You also might have noticed that sometimes I like to imagine stuff the way I'd want it to be instead of how it really is. You know, like daydreaming. Let's just say that my daydreams are little more colorful than most.

 

 

I lay down on my bed, kaleidoscope in hand, and just look through it. I turn the wheel and the colors change, the shapes change. Then I hear a knock on my door and it opening.

 

 

"Hi, honey" My mom smiles in my direction, holding a basket of laundry. I get up from my bed and scoot myself to the edge.

 

 

"Hi, mum." I half smile, feeling slightly drained.

 

 

"Are you excited to meet all your new classmates tomorrow?" She placed the basket on my bed.

 

 

"Excited? Um, have we met before?" I laughed weakly, my voice cracking.

 

 

"I'm sure you could have plenty of mates if you tried." My mom held my shoulder and smiled sadly.

 

 

"Yeah. Let me guess, if I just be myself." I exaggerated.

 

 

"Oh, honey, it's high school. Nobody's really themselves yet." She laughed, pushing my shoulder lightly. "Besides, you should worry about not revealing your vampirism to the other students." Her smile fell. "I know you want to be free, but we can trisk ourselves."

 

 

"Mm." I frowned.

 

 

"Things will look brighterin the morning." My mom's smile came back and she eventually left my room.

 

 

I laid back on my bed and began to recall what had let us to move to America in the first place.

 

 

I remember this, I was barely learning how to hypnotize people. To be honest, I'm still not good at it. I'm not good with my powers but I like to pretend I am. So I tried using hypnosis to get a human being under a trance, just so I can get a drink. The thing is... I had to keep the human in trance for the entire duration of my drink. And while I was drinking, I lost concentration and felt the human push me away. She called me a monster. She ran away. What's worse is that it was in a public space, in daylight, so she quickly got help. Gosh, Davis! How could you've been so careless!? I was scared, I had to get out of there. I don't know how I did it but i guess the fright caused me to actually run at super speed. When I explained my situation to mum, she wasn't angry. She should've been, but she wasn't. She understood. But we both quickly packed what we could and mum found a flight to America. That entire time, my head was pounding with unsched tears. I'm such a failure of a vampire. Nothing like in the books or movies. Why couldn't I have been like them? A cool person. A suave person. I couldn't even do the basics that every vampire should know! Oh gosh, I hate it! I hate myself! I should've let the hunters get me and burn me. 

 

 

I jumped awake hearing my alarm go off. I didn't even realize I fell asleep. I quickly got up and dressed for school. I heard thunder and hard hitting rain, so much for a bright day. My mum drove me to school as I looked up at the sky through the car window.

 

 

"Yeah, you're right. Things do look much brighter." I giggled and looked back to my mum who rolled her eyes playfully.

 

 

"Here's your lunch." She hands me a brown paper bag and a black plastic bottle.

 

 

"Weird human health food?" I looked at the contents of the bag and looked back at mum with an incredulous look.

 

 

"And risk other people seeing you not eat anything a human would? Yes!" She nodded, seemingly not letting me have a final say. "Oh, and... ta-da!" She reached behind her car seat and pulled out an ugly green knit sweater, I groaned. "Your lucky first day sweater!" She shook the sweater in her hands.

 

 

"No mum, I thought you burned that!" I complained.

 

 

"You've worn it on your first day for the last hundred fifty years." She tilts her head.

 

 

"And every year has been a complete disaster. It kind of defeats the purpose of having a lucky sweater, now doesn't it?" I look at her with desperate eyes. "It's horrible, and it's too small, ma. I can't wear it."

 

 

"No, it's not. It's perfect. Lucy made it for you." She placed it on my chest.

 

 

"And Miss Westenra was legally blind." I threw the sweater off me. "Mom, okay, I'm not wearing it." I turned around, but could feel the piercing glare from her. I slowly turned to face her in fear, but I stood my ground. "I'm not!" 

 

 

(...Inside the school...)

 

 

"Can I help you?" A rather ancient looking office lady glanced up at me.

 

 

"I'm supposed to get a schedule?" I muttered, scratching my neck due to the uncomfortable knit sweater.

 

 

"I'll pull it up for you."

 

 

As i walked away, I heard the old lady sigh and harshly stapled some papers. I found a seat and sat rigid, holding my backpack close, trying to avoid the feet that threatened to step on mine. The noise inside the office was full of gossip and chatter, and truth be told, it was starting to become overwhelming.

 

 

And the ugly, stupid, sweater wasn't helping as I already saw people giggling and pointing in my direction.

 

 

Wow, these American kids are obnoxiously loud...

 

 

I managed to hear a crash with what limited hearing abilities I had.

 

 

...and very hyper.

 

 

My boredom waiting for my schedule was lifted when I heard a sweet voice come from one of the front office TVs that hung off the ceiling.

 

 

"Hi, everyone, I'm Caitlyn Crisp, reminding you that Forksley High is recycle friendly. We can save the planet. We only have one Earth, you guys. So let's all pitch in and treat it right. The Earth likes you, and I like you, too."

 

 

Everything looked so colorful as I gazed at the screen, the pretty girl's smile leaving me smitten. I feels so warm inside, so bubbly! I've never seen someone so pretty before. Gosh, I sound lovesick, but I'd do anything to meet her...

 

 

My gazed turned to see this Caitlyn Crisp girl walking towards me, smiling, hands behind her back. She held out a paper, which I took from her nervously.

 

 

"What's that?" I asked dreamily 

 

 

"Your schedule." Caitlyn's smile faded, and her voice sounded different.

 

 

I looked confused for a second, and as I shook my head, Caitlyn was replaced by the front desk lady.

 

 

"You just asked for it." The lady looked down at me with a frown, glasses on the edge of her nose.

 

 

"Thank you" I looked down sheepishly and got up to leave. As I walked down the empty hallways leading to my first period class, I could hear the thunder crash and lightning make the lights flicker.

 

 

As I stood in front of my first period class door, I could feel nervousness bubble up in my stomach.

 

 

Pull it together, Davis. You can do this.

 

 

I reached out to the doorbell but stopped as I saw the ugly green color of the hideous knit sweater. I groaned in frustration.

 

 

"Sorry Miss Westenra." I mumbled, taking off my backpack, and attempted to take off the sweater, which was a few sizes too small.

 

 

I managed to get it off my body, but was struggling to get it off my head. I crashed into lockers, exerting every ounce of force I had. As the lighting made the lights go out, I managed to take off the sweater at last. I dragged it towards a nearby trash can and threw it in. I grabbed my backpack and made my way to the classroom door.

 

 

Ok, let's do this...

 

 

I was gasping for breath, and reached out my hand to open the door normally. But I felt myself pause, and instead flicked my hand towards the door, my telekinesis forcing it open out of exhaustion and annoyance.

 

 

I heard the door slam as it hit the wall, and I heard some teenagers gasp, the thunder and lightning intensify and light up the room. I walked fowards and, while still breathing heavily, looked around the class.