Chapter Text
The first thing that he noticed when he woke up was a heavy weight that he was really sure weren't his blankets.
The second thing was that he woke up.
He didn't need sleep, and he usually didn't even go to bed, he would just go paint or make some other statue for his highness.
He rarely actually slept, it didn't feel right, why would he rest if he couldn't find the only person that cared about him?
His time was best spent finding his highness or learning to be able to walk by his side, of course he didn't expect to get that far but a man could wish.
He felt his head ring, he couldn't concentrate, maybe he should have actually listened to his body and rested yesterday, maybe like that he wouldn't be here now, struggling to guess what he was sleeping with.
Then he felt the thing move.
He suddenly became aware of how naked he was, he was in his underobes, but they were moved and a bit wrinkled.
He felt the sudden urge to puke, to run.
He couldn't have?
Was he drugged? He should have noticed it.
He didn't want to think of the meaning of the situation.
Who dared? Who would dare?
Had he? With someone that wasn't his highness?
He wanted to destroy everything while at the same time he wanted to curl in a corner and cry, beg for forgiveness.
Maybe like that he would be able to clean how dirty he felt right now.
The person on the bed suddenly moved, as if feeling his discomfort.
He wondered what he would do now, kill them? Torture them? He thought of calling E-ming but felt that it would be much more satisfactory to destroy this asshole with his own hands.
He wasn't ready for the face he saw when this person finally woke up.
“San Lang? Are you okay? Did something happen?”
He panicked, he was so close to harming his highness that he panicked, he fell flat on his ass and kept closing and opening his mouth.
He almost hurt his highness.
He was going to kneel when he was picked up by some really strong arms and sat on the bed.
He blinked when he was checked for bounds.
He finally realized the most important information he was missing, why was his highness in his bed!?
Did he force him? His highness was probably too strong to be forced so it wasn't likely.
He felt his face flush, did he beg and made his highness feel bad enough for him to the point he accepted? More likely than the last one.
He felt like a dead man seeing his husband again in the afterlife.
Except he was actually a dead man, and he was seeing the only person he cared about after years.
He wanted to hug him and cry but at the same time he wanted to hide ashamed.
What had he done?
“San Lang darling, are you okay? you’ve been quiet for a while”
Darling?!
He was sure his whole face was red, could ghosts blush? He was sure he was blushing.
Why would his highness call him that, and who was San Lang?
Did he lie about his identity or was he using someone's identity? He felt a sudden sense of guilt.
Did he wrap his highness into cheating?
“Your highness…”
He was sure his voice was trembling, he couldn't even look directly into his eyes.
He choked a sob, his highness above started panicking and getting even more close, he didn't have the strength to get away.
“Darling what's wrong? Did you get hurt? Do you need me to call Yin Yu?”
First, your highness if you keep touching me I will literally melt, second, who the fuck was Yin Yu? And why was he mentioned in his moment with his highness?
When he finally gained enough courage to say something his highness was caressing his back, he had probably started to hyperventilate.
He cursed internally for showing such a shameful scene to someone who should only live with happiness.
“Your highness… I think you have the wrong person, sorry”
He felt his highness tense above him, several conflicted emotions could be seen passing through his face in the matter of seconds.
“Then, could you tell me your name?”
His highness was nice even to those who didn't deserve it it seemed, he felt like crying, what should he answer? How could he answer?
He put himself together, he couldn't bother his highness with his selfish emotions, and especially not when it was his fault.
“This lowly one is called Hu Cheng your highness”
Then he felt his highness body relax completely, as if he finally understood the situation which Hua Cheng did not! He was happy his highness was the smartest but he really needed to understand what was going on!
Then a small sweet smile appeared on his highness beautiful face, oh how he wanted to keep looking at this expression for the rest of his life.
Maybe he could had, if he had been better in his search, if he had been with his highness instead of whoever this San Lang was.
He got that thought out of his head immediately, even if his highness wasnt with someone he wouldn't possibly choose him out of all the options.
Because his highness would obviously have many options, still he had dared hope that thanks to his highness cultivation path he wouldn't have ended up with anyone, at least like that he wouldn't feel that sad, he wouldn't have to admit that the problem laid on him.
But who else could it lay on?
Oh, his highness was looking at him again, he felt discomfort but he didn't change forms, that might scare his highness, at the same time he realized he seemed to be in his actual form, he stopped himself before trying to check if his eye was missing or not, he didn't feel his eyepatch so probably not, that was concerning.
He didn't take his eyepatch off in his real form but this felt like his real form, a curse must be playing games with his mind after all, he wouldn't usually be mad for something like this, he would just search for the culprit and beat them up, the problem was that they involved his highness-
“Then Hua Cheng, would you mind coming with me to ask for help to some of my and my husband's friends?”
Yeah, just blurting all that on his highness was insensitive of him, he felt like he could do nothing correctly, his highness always got hurt because he didn't do enough, just like back then, if only had he been more insistent, more convincing maybe his highness wouldn't had had to-
Wait, did he say husband?
“Yes of course your highness, this lowly one would love to help you get back your beloved”
A small amount of guilt paused in his highness eyes for a moment before disappearing, slowly his highness took his hand and threw something he couldn't see into the floor, when he opened his eye he was definitely in heaven, he guessed that if any of those gods realized it was him they would explode in anger.
He stopped himself for his highness sake, he would later try that for fun, of course when his highness wasn't there, he couldn't leave a bad image.
“Okay done! We are here! Don’t worry too much I’ll protect you if anything happens”
If he still had a heart he was sure he would have died again from a heart attack, luckily that wasn't the case so he just followed his highness to what seemed like Ling Wen’s office.
He was proved right when a figure under hundreds of documents appeared, he almost felt bad for her, keyword almost.
“Your highness for what do I owe the pleasure?”
His highness even at the obvious sarcastic remark from the tired worker smiled sweetly and simply walked towards her, taking Hua Cheng with him.
“It seems my husband has been hit with a curse, I’d like to ask for permission to check the records, if that's okay with you”
Ling Wen finally looked at him in the eye, blinked at his murderous expression and looked back at his highness as if she had just seen something unbelievable.
Wait eye? Did his highness husband also lose one eye? Or was the curse working strangely again, he forgot to check back then and his highness seemed to realize something and smiled sadly, he finally noticed the small butterfly’s gentle touch, he shivered, he hadn't even noticed it covering his eye, he must have done it subconsciously when he arrived at heaven.
Well that answered his question of whether he could use his powers.
“... Your highness, I don't see any changes in him, are you sure he has been cursed? I'm sorry to doubt you but I didn't even think he of all people could be cursed”
So his highness husband was that capable to even be praised by Ling Wen?
His highness covered him a bit and drew small circles in his palm with his fingers, once he stopped he felt the need to grab the hand back or fall to his knees and beg to be touched again, to have the right to do so.
But he couldn't do that to his highness, never to his highness.
“Yes, I'm sure he is, he's not… in the right state of mind right now, so I hope you understand”
A small smile finally appeared in Ling Wen’s face, calmly she took out some keys from her sleeves and tossed them to his highness.
“You are the heavenly emperor in everything but name so stop asking for simple things unless you put me back in jail”
Hua Cheng blinked at that, his highness was the heavenly emperor? Of course he was the only god that deserved that place but when did all of this happen? and why was he not informed by Black Water?
Were all his attempts at finding his highness useless? He seemed to be doing good on his own, maybe his presence was not needed and would only open old scars.
He felt ashamed for wanting to get close to his highness again, like when he did as a child and he was offered a kindness he didn't deserve.
“Thank you Ling Wen but you know I don't want that title at all, about your vacation… I’ll figure something out”
Ling Wen’s eyes stopped looking like a dead person's one’s and gained some light, smiling she waved them off.
“Thank you your highness, even if it’s jail I’ll appreciate it, no actually jail is perfect I’ve been missing my prison cell since I was taken here again”
His highness threw a concerned look at her but Ling Wen was again behind a pile of scrolls so he gave up, taking his hand again he redirected them to the room where most information was archived.
“Well, shouldn't we start trying to find something useful here?”
His highness was as kind as he remembered, even when he stole his husband's body, he really didn't deserve it, such kindness couldnt be paid back in one lifetime.
“Your highness, this lowly one would like to ask a question if he may”
In front of him his highness blinked confused, the action was extremely cute in Hua Cheng’s eyes, he wished he had used his butterflies to record that, unluckily he would have to use his memory if he wanted to crave that look.
“Of course you can, no need to ask permission from me Hua Cheng, and please stop calling yourself lowly it makes me sad”
Oh no, did he make his highness sad? Did he fuck up again accidentally? He could see the pain in his highness eyes while asking him that, if only he knew, of course he should have known, his highness view everyone as the same even if others didn't, he had a kind nature so having someone throwing self loathing statements must have made him feel sympathy for him.
He wished for the first time that his highness husband was here so that his highness could smile again as he had in the morning.
‘San Lang’, did he even know how lucky he was? Did he take care of his highness correctly? Did he make his highness happy?
He hoped he did, he begged that was the case, if needed he would give his ashes so that his highness was happy, even if it was not with him.
“Sorry you highness, It’s just, shouldn't we be looking for your husband right now?”
If needed he would reveal that he was in ghost city before waking up, he would reveal his identity, he would reveal-
“No need to worry my husband is the strongest person I know and is not like I don't know where he is anyways”
Well fuck, how did he explain himself now? Hey i'm Crimson Rain, a calamity, I promise I had nothing to do with this? That sounded so suspicious! He almost felt like crying.
Slowly without looking at his highness he started talking.
“Your highness, this low- this one would like to apologize for deceiving him”
He saw his highness arch an eyebrow.
“How did you deceive me?”
His voice didn't sound accusatory, just curious and full of a fondness he couldn't understand, he felt so loved and at the same time he knew it was impossible, was it because he now had his highness husband face?
If that was the case he couldn't help but feel he was still deceiving him, even if it wasn't intentional.
“This one hid the fact that he was a ghost from his highness which would slow down the progress of the investigation”
He didn't dare look up, the disappointment in his highness eyes would be too much to bear, he preferred anger, anger was much more easily taken care of, he could just make sure his highness was satisfied by beating him, but disappointment? How did one even deal with that?
But instead of cruel words he felt a soft hand in his head, his highness wore a sad expression on his face, but there was not a hint of disappointment, did he expect that? Did he expect Hua Cheng to betray him?
He wanted to cry, beg for forgiveness, beg to be believed.
‘I would never hurt you! I would never betray you like they did, please, please, please trust me, I promise that I’ll stay as long as you allow me, so don't look at me like that, please’
Yet he didn’t say any of this, his highness talked first.
“Don’t worry Hua Cheng, being a ghost is something hard to talk about, my beloved is a ghost after all so you could say this isn't something new"
His highness husband was a ghost? He wanted to pout, he was probably a cooler ghost than him, before he could actually show his true emotions he stopped himself, his highness probably had good taste so the ghost must be strong, he should stop acting like a jealous ex, especially when his highness was married.
He still didn't know if his highness realized he was that Hua Cheng, probably not judging by the lack of reaction.
Would he hate him when he realized?
No, his highness was too nice to hate him even if he was a monster, sometimes he felt that this kindness might as well lead him to pain.
But at the same time without this kindness, even if hidden behind hatred, was what made him the person he was today, the person he loved and will keep loving until his old soul gets dispersed.
"This one would love to help as much as he can, if there is anything his highness needs this one will oblige"
Without a warning his highness put his hand on his cheek, softly and sweetly, he felt lost in the small touch greedy for more and feeling the need of running away, he felt unworthy of such kind comfort after failing him once and once again.
But his highness didn't seem to care and calmly smiled at him with that smile that made Hua Cheng's stomach do weird flips.
"Don't worry and rest, It’s not the first time I'm here looking for information so I'll be back in no time, wait for me?"
Unable to refuse but feeling obligated to help at the same time he just mumbled incoherently and blinked before giving up, his highness had already left to read some scrolls elsewhere.
Sighing he waited as his highness came back with several records and started reading, after three incense sticks time his highness finally stopped frowning, he would have helped but every time he tried his highness would look at him disapprovingly, so he gave up.
"Found it, it seems that I accidentally fed my husband Meng Po broth, as the quantity was minimal nothing big happened and the effects will soon be reversed, around a week or two should be enough"
He smiled, his highness fixed everything so fast and perfectly for his husband in no-time, really amazing, he really hoped this 'San Lang' guy knew that he hit jackpot and used all his luck of several lifetime's because if he didn't value his highness he would absolutely snatch him from his arms.
Of course only with his highness permission.
"His highness is a really fast worker, this one is amazed"
He heard a chuckle and he felt like he could just live like this, as long as he was able to make his highness smile, even if he wasn't able to get too close, he would be fine.
"Is not the first time something like this happened so I guessed what we had to do, come let's-
At that very moment the door was opened by force by two very ugly looking god's, both of them walked as if they were stupid and seemed to be that too.
"Your highness! We heard something happened to you! Are you okay?"
His highness, even if the presence of such horrible creatures simply smiled happily, if Hua Cheng was there instead of his highness he would have puked.
His bad mood didn't go unnoticed by the other ugly god but he didn't care, if not for his highness talking to them as if he had forgiven them their heads would already be rolling, is not like gods could die after all.
His mood could only worsen at the reminder, he genuinely just wanted to get his highness out of this situation but his highness seemed to not mind it at all.
"Feng Xin, Mu Qing really thanks but there is no need, I've already found how this situation happened and in a week it will fix itself so don't worry"
The ugly god rolled his eyes, Hua Cheng guessed his brain was damaged so he simply looked for a broom around, unlucky he couldn't find one to toss at him, truly a shame.
"I wasn't worried, if something can actually hurt you is not like we would be able to fight it, we just came to check you weren't well... feeling down"
His highness took both of the ugly gods hands and smiled at them.
"Thank you, both of you, I'll take care of this in no time so don't worry too much, once it's fixed I'll visit so we can have some tea"
The three of them seemed a bit embarrassed but happy, there seemed to be some hidden meaning behind their actions but he couldn't guess what it was, giving up he contented himself by staring at his highness face.
"Take care your highness, if you need anything just tell us using the communication array"
Waving goodbye he nodded.
"Don't worry I will, take care you two too"
Once they were alone again his highness turned to him and took both of his hands.
"Now Hua Cheng, shall we go home?"
Home, that sounded nice, so sweet, he wished he could actually make his highness his home, but he couldn't so he swallowed his desire and nodded calmly.
"I'll go anywhere his highness wishes me to"
Something was thrown again but his highness had covered his vision again, making him unable to check what the device for traveling was, not that he cared, if his highness didn't wish to share then he shouldn't pry on it.
He didn't have the right to do so.
"Welcome to Puqi shrine, come sit"
The shrine didn't have much, but it definitely didn't lack anything either, it seemed well taken care of, even lively.
"So, Hua Cheng, don't you have any questions?"
Of course he did, where were you that I couldn't find you? How is that I ended up here out of all people? Was It luck or destiny? He hoped it was the latter.
He couldn't burden his highness with his low- with his existence so he simply chose a more light hearted topic.
"Could your highness tell me about his husband?"
That seemed the right choice because his highness beamed in delight, at least his husband was doing a good job at that
"He's, how should I say this? He's someone who stayed with me even in the hardest times, even when I had no-one he was there, even when I was cruel he was there, he was my first love but I only realized this after I lost him, luckily we reunited years later even if at first I didn't know it was him"
That sounded awfully similar to his own experience with his highness, a sense of loss invaded him, he felt like ripping off his un-beating heart and offering it to his highness, maybe like that he wouldn't feel as terrible as now.
"He sounds like a wonderful person"
He wanted to cry, he felt like throwing himself to Black Water's terrible pets.
But that wouldn't make his highness happy so he didn't.
"He's the best person I know, my San Lang, my most devoted follower"
Familiar words echoed through his ears, it hurt to know his highness had forgotten him, but he knew deep down that was for the best, as long as his highness was happy he didn't care if he was used as a stepping stone.
But why did his chest hurt so much?
"Hua Cheng, my husband had to be looking for me for eight hundred years, he didn't once give up, he's beautiful inside and out, if I could I'd trade my entire being if it meant he wouldn't have to suffer again"
So his highness husband also had to look for him? That made him feel a bit better then he realized.
"Eight hundred years? But your highness, you aren't that old?"
His highness instead of smiling and explaining that he must have heard wrong stiffened, did he say something wrong?
"Hua Cheng, please don't freak out but as you can probably guess you have lost some memories"
He blinked, he had? He didn't doubt his highness, he wouldn't lie to him, at least not if it could hurt him in any way, not that he cared if his highness wanted to hurt him, if he desired that he would do the job himself.
"How much did I lose?"
The face his highness was making didn't mean anything good, did his highness actually know him?
"I'm not sure but guessing you don't know who Yin Yu is at least four hundred years, maybe a bit less but it should be around there"
He blinked trying to guess if he heard correctly then looked at his highness again, his mouth dry.
Could it be that? No, he needed to check with his highness first before starting to draw conclusions.
"Your highness, sorry for asking but, do we know each other?"
A really fond smile appeared in the gods face, calm, ethereal, godly.
"Well, wouldn't you say that even with your current memories we have already met?"
His highness knew, he felt like he was dreaming, his highness remembered him, knew who he was, he felt like a small child crying in his gods arms again, he felt like he could rest, like he finally had found the meaning of his existence.
That his search wasn't in vain.
"Your highness… you will really be the death of me"
He felt embarrassed saying that, but what could he do? He hadn't felt this happy in years, centuries maybe.
"I don't think I can permit my husband to die again"
He looked at his highness at a speed he didn't know he could move his neck, realizing the meaning of those words he fainted.
When he woke up a worried beautiful god was in front of him, maybe this was the place of eternal rest some talked about.
Maybe he was being taken there by an angel.
No, this was not an angel, this was definitely a god.
"You finally woke up! You don't know how worried I was, you just fainted out of nowhere"
Yes, he now knew where he was, he was in front of his only god and he had just fainted after realizing they were married and that he had lost his memories.
Amazing Hua Cheng you just made a fool of yourself, that is definitely not embarrassing.
"Your highness, what you said … Is it true?"
He tried not to sound too hopeful, he probably failed.
"Yes, of course it is, who else could I marry but you? The only one that was with me even when I wasn't with myself"
He probably was crying, his highness, his husband was holding him, he didn't even realize when or how they had ended in this position.
He found out he didn't care.
"You said I was your first love? And that you only realized when you lost me?"
He was surprised at how coherently he worded that between his broken sobs, his head was a mess, he had never been so happy.
Maybe all those years of searching finally had gotten to him.
"Yes, yes I- Wu Ming was my first love, and his death was my biggest regret, I now have finally forgiven myself for it so please dear, realize how amazing you are and stop looking at yourself as unlovable"
Oh that must be it, his highness loved him, now he would wake up and realize it was all a dream.
Except it wasn't.
Except this was the truth, he had married his highness.
He was his first love.
And if he dared hope also his last.
Oh how he wanted to just hide in his god's embrace forever, he felt safe.
He felt loved.
Healing his old wounds might take time but with his beloved next to him he felt it might get a little easier.
At least if it wasn't the case he could always enjoy his beloved's company.
Then he realized something, horrified he looked at his beloved.
"This means I've also forgotten our wedding!?"
He was answered with a chuckle, he decided to forget it for now, that piece of information could remain in the back of his mind for later.
He had tomorrow too after all, for now he could stay in his highness embrace forever, he felt a light kiss on his cheek and he couldn't help but gasp, he wanted to say he wasn't worth it, that his highness could do better but his face betrayed him, he sent a prayer and he usually did when he had time.
Your highness please, I hope I’m making you happy, if not please just destroy me I’ll give you my ashes, I’ll give you my whole being, destroy it if you must, or just because you are bored, is okay, as long as it makes you happy, so please, permit me to be someone worth of you.
When he finished his silent prayer he felt his highness embrace tighten, when he looked he saw silent tears, a small kiss was placed in his nose, then one in his hands, lastly one in the scar on his missing eye.
He didn't understand why this was happening, did he make a pretty face? Why was he behind rewarded for?
“Dear, I dont have my cursed shackles anymore”
Oh
Oh
Did he just… accidentally confess his undying love to his husband?
What did that even mean?
This was way too much, how did he manage to deserve this much, he wanted to remember, he wanted to know how he found his highness, he needed to know.
But he had enough time, a whole week before remembering, he’ll take the chance to ask questions later, now he would stay in his husbands arms, safe from the pain and sadness of losing him.
He didn't expect he wouldn't remember as much tomorrow.