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In all his centuries of living, Yin Yu had seldom encountered a situation he could not handle. After all, he was Hua Cheng's loyal assistant who managed the affairs of Ghost City, where disorder and chaos reigned supreme. However, the latest predicament he had been stuck in was, to put it lightly, really, really testing his patience…
The incident happened when Hua Cheng and Xie Lian were out on a holiday. Yin Yu was once again left alone, burdened by twice his usual amount of responsibilities while the happy couple dawdled along, basking in each other's company in a distant land. After finishing his tasks for the day, he was about to kick back and relax when he heard someone at the door.
Sighing, he opened it, only to see Jian Lan with the fetus spirit swaddled up against her. The little one cried, slobbering and licking all over her face. "Shhh, I'm sorry" she crooned lightly. Cuo Cuo clung to her harder, unwilling to be parted. "Mama will be back in a jiffy. You won't even notice I'm gone!" she comforted the baby still growling and wailing in her arms.
"Is His Highness here?" She turned to Yin Yu, now exasperated.
"I'm afraid not. What did you need him for?”
"Mm, it's not much, you see, I needed someone to take him off my hands for a bit", she explained, gesturing to Cuo Cuo. "He would've been up for the task."
"Ah..." Yin Yu nodded in understanding, not quite sure what to do. "I'm sure you can find someone els-"
"I know! You’ll do too!" She quickly butt in. "Hey, how about you help babysit him? I'll be back in about three hours! It's hardly anything" She barely gave him a chance to respond, before she thrust the screaming baby into his arms.
Cuo Cuo promptly bit him.
"Ow!" he winced, taken aback. There was no way out of this. Thus he accepted, and Jian Lan gave him the brightest smile, warning the baby to "be good".
Oh, this was going to be the longest three hours of his life..
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Cuo Cuo had, surprisingly cheered up a bit as they stepped into Paradise Manor. Amazed by all the new sights and sounds in this palace, Cuo Cuo was momentarily silent, taking everything in with eyes wide as saucers, which covered about half of his blanched little face.
Then he decided that he wanted to explore.
Disintegrating into a cloud of black smoke right in Yin Yu's arms, he flew up to the ceiling, clinging to the chandelier.
"Huh– WAIT!" Yin Yu was startled. "Where are you going?"
But the fetus spirit just stuck its ridiculously long tongue out at him, and continued crawling along the ceiling, across the length and breadth of the room. He was too fast for the eye to see. Worst of all, he knocked down lights and broke bits and pieces off the ceiling in his mad rush. Yin Yu didn't know if he should worry about getting the baby down first, or preventing the manor from possibly catching fire for the three thousand four hundred and sixty seventh time. Yes, of course he had kept count!
Desperate times called for desperate measures.
Thus Yin Yu decided to bring out a fishing net, sufficiently big and made of the finest material that existed in the three realms. He valiantly charged into the living room and lunged forward, trying to capture Cuo Cuo.
He should not have underestimated the speed and reflexes of this nasty little baby.
"PLEASE!" He resorted to begging. "Please calm down! Don't run so fast. If you get down, I'll- I'll do whatever you want!"
And like that, the chase continued, Yin Yu on the ground and Cuo Cuo right above him, still laughing in a mix of mockery and amusement.
Eventually, Yin Yu caught up to him. This seemed like nothing short of a miracle, but come to think of it, Cuo Cuo would have gotten tired by all that crawling... and he was probably weakened from being away from his mother for too long. Heaving a sigh of relief, he extricated Cuo Cuo from the net and carried him in his arms. Thinking food would temporarily distract the baby, Yin Yu tossed an apple over to him.
He let out a screech of excitement, pouncing on it and nibbling away. Yin Yu finally sat down on the diwan, lightly stroking Cuo Cuo's shiny head.
But Cuo Cuo was still hungry.
He disappeared into a cloud of black smoke again. "SHIT!" Yin Yu tried to grasp at it. He fought madly, struggling to contain the wiggly little spirit. Please, not again! He didn't know how many times he could do this. He'd probably lose what was left of his sanity entirely if he thought too long about the property destruction that would accompany this disaster of a babysitting session.
Of course, Cuo Cuo managed to escape. Yin Yu looked around the room, up at the ceiling as panic started to set in. He was nowhere to be found. Not under the tables, nor the diwan, nor inside obscure pieces of furniture and other nooks and crannies of the room. This only meant one thing. The fetus spirit could be in any corner of this ridiculously large mansion. Even someone who had lived here for decades would have new areas of the manor to explore. Winding hallways and twining staircases led to a set of rooms, inside which there were more rooms, which once again encased, you guessed it, more secret rooms and tunnels. An ordinary person caught in this situation would simply admit to losing the baby, willing to accept the consequences rather than go looking for one nimble, cunning creature in this labyrinth.
Luckily, Yin Yu was not an ordinary person. If there was anyone who could navigate through the manor perfectly well even with a blindfold on, it was him. And thus, he set off.
His search finally led him to the kitchens, after what felt like an eternity, and lo and behold! Cuo Cuo was there. Holding onto a cabinet. Right above the stove, where three chefs were hard at work, stirring the pot, blissfully unaware of the presence of this demonic creature looming over them.
"Cuo Cuo! Come here!" Yin Yu called out, panting. The three chefs stared at him, dumbfounded.
…Cuo Cuo? They watched Yin Yu's face contort in shock as he leapt towards the stove as fast as he could, letting out a yell of "NO!"
Plap!
A loud splash resounded through the kitchen, coming from the cooking pot. Broth splattered everywhere.
Absolutely dumbfounded, one of the chefs reached blindly inside the pot and out came the fetus spirit. Which licked its finger, tasting the broth.
Clearly it had not lived up to Cuo Cuo... rather unique culinary standards, because he let out a hiss and bit the chef. Hard.
"YEOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWCHHHHH-"
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Yin Yu was sufficiently distracted due to this entire fiasco. He took his eyes off Cuo Cuo for a brief moment. This was a big mistake. Because the baby from hell had, predictably, taken off again. Muttering apologies to the poor chefs, Yin Yu once again sprinted across the manor. However, he did not have to struggle as much to find the fetus spirit this time. He instantly heard suppressed cackles from the next room down the hallway. On opening the door...
An entire pack of spice powder was dumped on his head.
He was covered from head to toe in it, and he could hardly formulate a thought. He coughed and coughed, while heavy tears rolled down and clumped up the chilli powder on his face. IT HURT! It hurt so bad, he took off running like a man chased by a pack of feral dogs.
"YOU-- YOU SON OF A BITCH!" He cursed out loud once Cuo Cuo was out of earshot. He was normally mild mannered and patient, of course. But no one could be expected to remain calm in a situation like this, and a few choice words inevitably spilled out of his mouth. "FUCK! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!" He ran to the bathroom and plunged into the tub.
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Now that Yin Yu was dressed up in clean clothes and relatively free from pain that lit each and every one of his nerves on fire, his mental facilities began to work again. He almost wished they didn't. Because the second he remembered that the little demon was still around, an icy chill crept up his spine, quite akin to the feeling he used to have whenever he noticed Quan Yizhen's presence behind him. More sweat rolled down his face, and his hands shook minutely. Yet, he couldn't just sit around in his chambers doing nothing. The poor man had no time to panic. He had to move!
He went back to retrieve Cuo Cuo. This time, the baby was sprawled out on the floor, letting out loud wails. His bulging eyes were slightly moist. Despite everything, he did actually... make quite the pitiful sight.
Remembering the chili powder incident, residual anger roiled up in Yin Yu's gut, and he resisted the urge to give Cuo Cuo a resounding smack on his back. Instead he caressed his little blonde head, shushing him while rocking him back and forth.
Cuo Cuo hissed in anger. "MAMA!" he screeched, latching onto Yin Yu's robes, biting and tearing, shaking it around with his mouth like a ragdoll. Yin Yu graciously ignored this. "MAMA, MAMA, MAMA!" He chanted.
Yin Yu was kind of at a loss. He hugged Cuo Cuo tighter to his chest and continued to rock him, whispering platitudes in his ear. Atleast the baby was somewhat subdued now. He had to think of ways to keep him engaged.
"Get the old toy box out", He told the maid standing nearby. You see, His Highness, had the habit of picking little kids off the street and nurturing them in the manor. Hua Cheng, indulgent as ever, spoiled them to death! He brought in a multitude of items to fit the tastes of these kids. Yin Yu too had been left to babysit the younger ones at times. He entertained them with all sorts of toys and games. But could those items be put to use on a century-old fetus spirit filled with resentment? It couldn't hurt to try!
Cuo Cuo still scratched madly, although he had finally stopped crying as the box of toys was deposited in front of them. Yin Yu beamed at him as he brought out a rattle. Cuo Cuo looked at it for a second before grabbing it, and shook it vigorously. Boring, he decided, and hurled it towards the wall with surprising force. Yin Yu sighed. This was to be expected, and yet…
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About half an hour later, most of the toys lay strewn across the room. Cuo Cuo regarded the items with varying degrees of interest, sometimes instantly discarding it and hissing to express his displeasure, and sometimes deciding the toy was worth a bit more of his time. His favourites so far had been a wooden snake that click-click-clicked on the floor, a pile of mysterious goo and a stuffed animal he still held in his mouth and tore at. He loved biting the stuffed animal a bit... too much, judging by the way it was currently threadbare, cotton strewn around it like fresh snow, and saliva dripping from it. Oh well. As long as he was happy..
When Yin Yu dug out a music box from one of the cartons and filled the room with soft music, even Cuo Cuo stilled and stopped attacking the stuffed toy with his earlier ferocity. He looked almost hypnotised. Yin Yu pulled him closer. Could it be that.. Cuo Cuo was finally getting tired? What a relief! And therefore Yin Yu sang, harmonising with the music box as he soothed the baby to sleep. Cuo Cuoms eyes were drooping. He snuggled closer in Yin Yu's embrace, seeming content. And even occasionally licked him!
"....Adorable," Yin Yu thought, despite himself. The fetus spirit, calm, subdued and falling asleep in his arms indicated that they had established some level of trust between them. He even seemed to enjoy playtime in his own unique way. Yin Yu did not consider himself a good babysitter, especially not with... exceptional cases like Cuo Cuo. Perhaps this was just an inevitable consequence of spending so much time together. He had no idea how to feel about it.
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When Cuo Cuo woke up, still rather cheerful and calm, latching onto Yin Yu, he presented him with a platter of sweets to munch on. Cuo Cuo liked that. And by Yin Yu's estimation, Jian Lan was to be back soon. Was his ordeal finally about to come to an end?
Just as he finished this thought, he heard the doorbell ring. Grabbing Cuo Cuo, he practically sprinted over to the door. His saviour was here! Jian Lan smiled warmly, and her little baby leapt into her arms with such desperation, you’d think the mother and son were separated for two lifetimes. After this touching reunion, she turned to Yin Yu, endlessly thanking him, occasionally sprinkling in apologies.
“No worries, no worries”, Yin Yu placated, putting on a tight smile. “It was no trouble at all. Have a nice day.”
“Thank you again!” She waved as she walked off into the crowd.
.
.
.
Wait. Weren't babysitters supposed to get paid?