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Trust was a big word for Annabeth.
It carried a lot of weight. It’s single syllable seemed to hammer on her heart and sink deeper into her stomach.
Trust.
Trust.
"Don’t you trust me?"
"Why do you still trust him?"
She wasn’t even quite sure she knew what the word truly meant. Even after studying textbooks, novels, and works upon dated works, she still struggled with the concept of trusting and being trusted. How could she possibly put her trust in someone else if she had never experienced such a notion to begin with?
Everyone she’s ever loved has wronged her; left her behind. She’s been isolated since the day she was conceived, outcasted from the day she could talk, mistreated since birth.
Annabeth believed it. She may not have been able to understand how to let someone in, but she did know that she was hard to love. She had to be.
Her eyes brimmed with tears as Percy stood before her, dusting off her jeans with his compassionate hands and staring at her with those watercolor eyes. She cursed him in her mind for being so caring. She didn’t deserve the way he swept the dirt off her pants nor the way he caught her when her knees buckled only moments before.
Her pride was as big as her mouth. She didn’t dare show weakness. Her mother would look down upon her if she did.
It was his fault that she started to question it all. It was his doing that influenced her to think anything less of her mother. Her creator was a goddess, an eternal ball of power, and yet, he made her question everything she had ever come to know.
5 years of knots untangled. 5 years of presumptions casted away. 5 years of the notion that she’d never trust another living soul ever again, tampered with.
He made her question her entire way of thinking with nothing but his dirty-blonde curls and boyish smile. He was dangerous.
Percy dragged her from the training grounds to the safe haven of cabin three. He placed an arm around her back and held her close. And the worst part was that she let him.
She tore herself apart yet he still wanted every broken piece. She wasn’t sure what hurt the most: keeping him around longer or waiting for him to leave.
Annabeth was well aware of the fact that he knew her like the back of his hand. He knew she had a small birthmark on the back of her ear, and he also knew that she sometimes slept with her dad’s old graphic tee’s from 80’s rock bands she didn’t know. Percy never judged her or questioned why she would wear something of her father’s when she resented him so much. He accepted it in the same way that he accepted her other flaws, with open arms and a light kiss to her temple. He understood her.
Annabeth was scared. Scared to love. She was fearful to hand him her trust, though it already seemed she had.
Annabeth was falling in so deep. She was sliding down a slippery slope that led to a place she swore to never reach. Only a fool could imagine a relationship with a guy who was too good for this earth. He was everything light and sweet; caring and attentive—everything that Annabeth was the opposite of. Percy quickly adopted the role of her supporter, her protector, her friend. What had she done for him?
Now she sat on his mattress crying in his arms harder than ever before. She was never one to openly cry in front of others but Percy had a habit of unraveling her pent up emotions.
Her sobs echoed throughout his cabin and soaked into his orange cotton shirt. He caressed her hair and cradled her small body against his. She looked like a disaster yet he still held her as if she was an iridescent pearl in an oyster, forever bright and forever his.
The thought of forever stung at the back of her throat. She couldn’t fathom how someone could stay for all eternity. It seemed to be something too good to be true. Perhaps the word was just something deemed exclusive for the lifespans of the gods.
When she opened her watery eyes, she could see years of bottled up emotions lining Percy’s shirt. She reached up to her face to wipe her tears, barely managing a small ‘sorry’ before the blonde haired boy beat her to it. He carefully brushed his thumb across her flushed cheeks, his touch lingering on her cold skin.
Annabeth was young and she was confused.
She was confused on what to believe and who to turn to. Her mother was someone she had once held immense respect and appreciation towards and now her name tasted bitter in her mouth. A highly respected goddess who allowed her own daughter and her friends to be put to slaughter. The thought made Annabeth’s stomach churn.
Luke. All-knowing and honest Luke. The same boy who put five years of his time and energy into her was now miles away with the evilest entity to roam the sky and the earth. If he could leave her so easily, there must’ve been no one else that would ever stay.
She was still struggling, still grappling with the everlastingly painful fact that she had watched that haunting expression on his face as she removed her invisibility cap. She thinks about the look of terror on his face a lot. His fright didn’t string from the fact that he was guilty, it was because he knew that he was finally caught. He hadn’t cared about his adopted little sister standing before him. No, he only cared about finally being all figured out.
Annabeth felt as if Percy would be the next to go. New friends weren’t her forte. She didn’t believe in newfound friendships and circles of trust. Bonding activities were pointless and friendship bracelets were as weak as the cheap thread used to make them.
Percy had presented her with something she never knew she could feel again: faith.
It was seared into her brain from the moment she had come into contact with him. It felt good, like she could breathe without fearing that he’d leave her the moment she exhaled.
"Please talk to me, Annabeth. I know you haven’t been feeling good lately and I don’t know why," Percy’s voice broke above her. His voice was muffled into her hair yet she could sense the repression of pain of his voice. She never meant for her problems to affect him too.
"I’m fine, I’m okay," Annabeth replied shakily, her sinuses very much still filled with congestion and hot tears hanging off her cheeks.
"Bullshit," Percy interjected. "You don’t have to pretend around me. Please tell me what’s bothering you."
His complexion was a warm hue that matched the sun’s. Even amidst her panic she could still set apart his peaceful aura from the chaos of the world around her. The tides that reflected through his irises calmed her.
"I’m afraid to trust you, Percy," she spoke hesitantly before breathing unsteadily through her nose. She refused to meet his questioning glance. If she did, she was sure she’d crumble.
Percy’s eyes filled with confusion and hurt. "Was it something I did? Look, if I did anything or said anything that hurt you, I’m really sorry—"
"I want to trust you, a lot actually,” Annabeth interrupted before Percy delivered an unsolicited apology. “I’m scared that if I trust you, I’ll get too attached."
The words seemed foreign in her mouth. It wasn’t an If and When scenario, Annabeth knew she had already gotten emotionally grappled to the boy. That’s the part that made her head pound.
The room was quiet, only being illuminated by Annabeth’s sniffles and the chaos of camp outside the doors. Being this vulnerable made her wince.
Percy took note of how she was beginning to subtly shift away from him and grabbed her hand before she could go any further. He spoke to her slowly, whispering in that delicate and attentive voice he seemed to be so good at. "Why is it a bad thing to get attached?" He asked.
Annabeth shifted her gaze from the wooden floor to his face. Her features softened at the sight of him. It would most likely be smart to walk away, but it was like she was sinking deeper and deeper into her infatuation whenever she stole a glance towards the blonde. Her feet were nailed to the ground and trapped in his aura.
Annabeth hesitantly parted her lips, black braids shielding the sides of her cheeks and parts of her sight. Percy took immediate notice and tucked a few strands behind her ear. His touch was gentle and inviting, it made her feel safe.
Feeling safe was a privilege as a demigod. Annabeth knew this, Percy knew this. The fact that he offered her such a steady thing and made it available to her at all times only added onto her growing dependence on him.
She slowly peeled his hand off of her cheek and set it down besides them. He was quick to intertwine their fingers as a compromise. "If I get attached, it’ll hurt more when you leave," she answered. "Once I put all my trust in you I might do something stupid once you go."
It happens every time, she wanted to add.
She didn’t.
"You’ll find something better—someone better. There’s nothing I can offer you in this friendship to make you stay and—" Annabeth stopped herself, looking up at the ceiling so her tears wouldn’t betray her. "—And I don’t want to act like I’m taking advantage of you so it would be easier for the both of us if I stayed my distance."
Annabeth was sure she’d never seen his eyebrows so furrowed before. He always looked cute whenever they were strung together but now she was distracted by the painful wait for his response.
Percy’s grip on her hand had tightened, as did her grip on his navy blue bedsheets. The fabric was scrunched between her fingers, filled with tension and anticipation.
"I know you’re the daughter of wisdom and all but I can’t help but disagree," he said finally. "Do you remember what I told you back on the arch? I told you that you had done more for me than my father has done in years. I know he’s managed to save my butt more than once but my statement still remains the same. If I have to stick with anyone, it’s gonna be you.”
Annabeth blinked back her surprise. She carefully studied his demeanor and the way his golden curls slightly bounced every time he shook his head when he spoke.
"You wouldn’t be taking advantage of me, ‘Beth. You never have. You’ve done nothing except look out for me and I vowed to return the favor whenever possible. And why—" He paused, staring intently into her eyes. "Why would you ever think I would leave you?"
Annabeth bursted like a worn out pipe, exploding like a rusty missile on a battle field. "Because I don’t understand why you care about me so much," she cried. "Why are you so stuck on staying?"
Percy grew quiet. A hollow pit formed in her stomach.
Her words were rushed and unobtrusive. "I’m a realist, I weigh my options out, Percy. I run trials, I review data, I collect information and make educated assumptions. I’m supposed to be smart, I’m supposed to be full of knowledge. My dad chose to focus on another woman and his career over his own daughter, my mom chose her pride over her heart, Luke chose Kronos over me—It’s that simple, Percy! That’s the data I’ve collected. All the people that get close to me run in the opposite direction!" Annabeth yelled hoarsely, not out of anger but out of fear that everything she was saying was utterly true.
"Everyone runs except you. It’s absolutely infuriating." She spit.
The fire in her words seemed to dim as he extinguished it with his ocean blue eyes. The longer she sat with him in silence, the more the repercussions of her outburst seemed to fade. She felt Percy tuck another braid behind her ear and linger on her cheek. His touch made her face warm.
Annabeth’s cheeks were flushed as she attempted to explain her faults to the boy who saw none. She felt like she was always trying to explain her wrongdoings to him, always trying to make him see how less she was compared to him.
"I don’t think you’re hard to love," Percy stated bluntly.
Annabeth could feel the heat of his breath flourish against her skin, entrancing her in his words.
Her face burned just as it did every time he accidentally admitted something like that. Percy was never one to think about what he said. He seemed to have caught wind of the implication of his wording too because he quickly shut his mouth and averted his gaze.
Annabeth searched his eyes after swallowing her embarrassment. "I don’t want our friendship to only be a giving-and-receiving relationship. You deserve support too and I’m frustrated that I haven’t been prioritizing you enough even though you’ve prioritized me. You’re a great guy and it just makes sense if you were around a great girl," she spoke in rambles. Now that she was talking it was almost too hard to stop.
Annabeth stared as Percy blinked rapidly, his face growing beet red from her semi-romantic implication. She hadn’t originally meant to imply it in that way but, she figured it was too late to take her words back.
Still, Annabeth didn’t fully mean what she said. She knew it would hurt like hades to see him with someone else. Maybe a girl who had hair that flowed with glowing beach waves behind her freckled shoulders. Someone who could openly be vulnerable and who could express her emotions with no issue. Perhaps a child of Aphrodite who wore matching satin pajama sets and lacy nightgowns, who put effort into their appearance. Or a child of Apollo who shined like the sun, whose energy radiated in bright, pleasant waves, and whose smile alone could heal an entire city. He would be happy next to a girl who wasn’t anything like her.
"Why are you saying this stuff, Annabeth? You’re insane if you think I’m gonna leave you for someone else," he responded sternly, still unbelieving of the words pouring out of Annabeth’s lips.
"I’m just trying to do what’s best for you!" She raised her voice in a plea. She would do anything to make him feel even the slightest bit of what he made her feel. His eyes sparkled like the tides at camp. They were always filled with hope and determination. Would she ever forgive herself if she were the reason they dimmed?
"And how would you know what’s best for me? Have you ever even asked me what I want? Because it’s not to be separated from you!" Percy spoke strongly, his eyes betraying him with sadness.
His expression suddenly turned knowing and cold. His face grew sour, as if his tastebuds had been met with rotten trash. Annabeth could sense that the gears in his brain started to turn.
"It’s Luke isn’t it?"
Annabeth’s breath hitched.
"I thought we promised to not let it get bad again. I thought we said we’d come to each other to talk about it," Percy spoke with a frown. His eyes were pleading with her to open up—to say something.
But the sound of Luke’s name made her stomach drop. She didn’t like to bring him up even though both her and Percy swore to back in the forest. It was too painful.
"You look so happy, Percy. I can’t bear to drag you down anymore. You always look so upset when I bring him up."
Annabeth’s eyes were still red and glossy. Percy had already seen her cry today but it seemed like all her wounds were exposed to the cold air and available for him to see. She wanted desperately to cover herself up with cloth and hide from her vulnerability. Every time she would brush away tears, new ones were quick to follow. They only served as silent reminders of pure incapability and weakness.
"I’m not devastated anymore that he decided to join Kronos. I’m upset because I know how much of a toll it’s taken on you. I hate how his actions made you feel like this and for that I think extremely poorly of him." Percy gritted his teeth. A look of anger and resentment suddenly buried itself in Percy’s eyes. It reminded Annabeth of the look in Luke’s irises whenever Hermes was brought up.
Ananbeth felt all the muscles in her body tense as she absentmindedly dug her nails into her arm. Her voice was small and damaged. "I’m sorry that I can’t let it go."
Percy pulled her nails off her skin quickly. "Don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself," he said barely above a whisper. "I don’t expect you to forget or get over anything, Annabeth. Don’t be sorry for just feeling."
Percy gently set her hand to her side but, when he met her eyes, his face fell when he noticed Annabeth’s lost looking expression
"Do you think he misses us at all?" Her voice broke. "Or was it all just a lie from the start? Maybe if I had just tried harder—"
"You did everything right, Annabeth. I saw the way you looked at him. You were always there for him—always by his side. If anyone should be blamed in this situation, it’s him," Percy spoke whilst fuming. Percy never hid his bitterness and frustrations. Annabeth knew just how much of a friend Luke was to Percy and that he was hurting too. The older boy always had a way of making everyone feel special and understood. Sometimes those were the only two things people needed at camp.
"I just never thought he would betray me. I should’ve known, Percy. I should’ve seen this coming—why didn’t I see this coming?" her voice shattered into his chest as her breathing quickened.
There it was again. The false sense of forever. The faithfulness that ignited her heart and burned it into ash. It was all a lie, everything from Luke’s care to his coverup story. Even his innocent smile had been filled with malicious intent all along. There were so many unanswered questions floating through Annabeth’s head at all times. At what point had his niceties become insincere?
"Hey, hey, look at me, Beth," Percy said in a calming whisper, quickly tilting her chin to meet his eyes. "It’s okay not to know everything. That doesn’t make anyone else think any less of you," he spoke genuinely. “You’re so incredibly smart. You put so much pressure on yourself sometimes."
As she stared into the ocean blue flecks in his irises, she couldn’t help but let the butterflies in her stomach roam free. To be called smart was to be seen.
Annabeth could only bear to close her eyes in defeat. She felt exhausted, and now that Percy had mentioned it, she had been feeling incredibly weak before Percy caught her in his arms and brought her to his cabin. She hadn’t eaten a proper meal in days.
Even as her breathing calmed and her nervous system grew tranquil, there was something still weighing heavy on her mind.
Annabeth opened her eyes. "Do you trust me?" She asked suddenly.
The question seemed to take Percy aback. His gaze was focused in on her, unwilling to part ways.
"With every bone in my body." He answered with finality. He sat still, eyeing her with narrowed eyes and an expression of confusion. A glare that silently asked where are you going with this?
"I thought I didn’t know if I could trust anymore, Percy," Annabeth started. Her eyes softened but her tense aura remained the same. "But I think, I think I do trust you. And I think I always have," she spoke cautiously.
Even though her walls were heavily guarded and all her guns were drawn, the boy in front of her wasn’t scared. How could he be when all he kept staring at were the flushed cheeks that carried tear stains? Her flesh displayed the remnants of emotion. He probably pitied her.
Annabeth shook the idea out of her brain. She couldn’t even try to force herself to believe that thought. She knew that that was the farthest thing from Percy’s character and belief system. He thought she was the strongest girl he’d ever met. He saw her as wise and poised. Powerful and intelligent. Complex and diligent.
Annabeth moved from her spot on the edge of his mattress towards the middle of his bed. It felt good to let her heavy limbs rest. Percy followed suit without a word, both of them now shoulder-to-shoulder, facing up towards the wooden arch of the cabin ceiling.
"I wish you told me you had been feeling this way earlier. You always push yourself too hard, Annabeth," Percy whispered while fidgeting with a strand of her dark brown braids. "I wish you took it easier. You worry the hell out of me when you don’t tell me what’s on your mind."
"It’s just been hard to do everything lately," she spoke quietly, like all the energy had been drained out of her.
"I never see you at dinner anymore." He said softly, heavily hinting at the fact that he missed her presence, but even more so that he had noticed her absence.
Annabeth shrugged, absentmindedly hugging herself. "I just haven’t been that hungry lately."
"So you haven’t been eating?" Percy questioned like it hurt him to say.
"Lack of appetite," she said bluntly. Somehow Percy understood her circumstances and nodded slowly.
"And that’s why you almost fainted during training," Percy mumbled to himself, slowly connecting the dots.
"Whenever I try to stomach something I just feel sick. Too much going on in my head sometimes. I have been ever since…" she trailed off intentionally, not wanting to mention Luke again.
"Would it help if I went with you? I won’t shove food down your throat but, maybe it’ll help?" Percy suggested.
Annabeth fidgeted with the hem of her pant pockets. “I’d like that.”
She didn’t need to look at him to sense that he was about to say something else; him and silence were never good friends.
"Annabeth?" Percy whispered.
"Yes?”
"I promise that I won’t leave you or walk away. I hope you know that.”
Annabeth let out a small breath that she wasn’t aware she was holding. She caught the corners of her lips turning upwards as she reached for the comfort of his hand.
Annabeth understood it now.