Chapter Text
It's been a week since the Oni have invaded Lloyd's homeland, and luckily enough there wasn't too much damage done despite the threat they held before. Most of it was kept to Borg's tower and the monestary, but it was quickly remedied and everyone had gone about their life the same as usual after just another day of dealing with world-ending events. No one liked to think on it, or to dread the future possibility that anyone else could get killed, hurt, tortured backstabbed trapped emotionally scarred.
Lloyd has been, well, dealing with it. His dad wasn't evil anymore— or at least hell bent on ruling Ninjago in his own image— and he seems to have disappeared right off the map. Oh well, Garmadon usually worked big and flashy in his evil schemes so if there was no hide nor hair of him from any source then Lloyd could assume that he had given up trying to take over the world for now so he would resolutely not focus on him. Not because he was still angry at him for how he treated him and for caring about Harumi more, but because he simply didn't have the time to do so.
(He did have the time. There was nothing to do since the Oni were defeated.)
Renovations were made to the monestary that he oversaw just to have something to actually do, but soon enough it was done and now he actually had nothing else to do. The following few days he spent out in the city, helping anyone after the battle in anything they might need from helping a construction team to helping kittens down from trees. Any time he wasn't helping anyone was time spent looking for someone to help, until eventually he couldn't even find any problems because everything was all of the sudden okay.
"Are you sure you don't want to take a break?" Jay had asked him one morning as he was attaching all his gear to his body, staring like a deer caught in headlights. "There's a new video game that came out that I think you'd enjoy, and I'm pretty sure you've been busy ever since the Oni stuff. Aren't you kinda tired?"
Lloyd only shook his head and assured him that he felt fine. He liked helping people! It really wasn't any big deal that he was out on the streets for 16 hours of the day and only got three hours of sleep each night. It really wasn't a big deal that Lloyd couldn't for the life of him not think about his father and the things that led up to the invasion. It wasn't like he wasn't drowning in fear and uncertainty because he didn't know where his ancestry would bring him. It wasn't like he was actively avoiding these thoughts by keeping his mind and body as exhausted as he physically could.
If he didn't think about it, then it would all be okay.
"Alright man, if you're sure," Jay had shrugged and walked past him, but not without sending another worried glance his way. At least the other ninja knew not to push Lloyd at the moment, especially if he wasn't in the mood.
It seemed that today a lot more people did need his help, and so the entire time was spent in a blur of communication and moving every which way to solve each issue that arose. A car crash with a trapped kid inside? No problem he was there to get him out. A few stragglers from the SoG? At least they didn't have any Oni masks this time around. An office building needed help filing away reports because too many of their coworkers couldn't come in today? It was alright with him.
However, today the exhaustion seemed to have caught up with him and by the time of sunset he was sporting a very nasty headache and an ache that settled underneath every inch of his skin. Everything hurt, but it wasn't the worst pain he dealt with so he settled with resolving a few more issues with people before waving them off and heading back to the monestary. His body felt too tight and compact, and it felt like he was going to burst from how much he's been pushing himself.
At the bottom of the mountain, he wearily eyed the steps in trepidation, his body seeming to get ache even more with each step he realized he'd have to make. God why does Wu need to have a flair for the dramatics. Living on a mountain? Really? He sighed, and knew that even if he pushed himself he'd never make it up there. Especially with how drowsy he seemed to be all of the sudden, and the heat of the atmosphere bearing down on him. His eyes drooped and he fell over in the grassy patch nearby, finding the urge to suddenly sleep for the next few thousand years. He yawned, and within minutes he was out from the world.
Lloyd felt... awareness. But everything was gone, wasn't it? He wasn't actually here, but he could feel it and he knew it existed. He breathed as he felt a slight pressure, but it felt more like a warm and loving embrace from one of his family members. His brain settled into a sense of serenity, and anything he felt was calm and comfortable. He smiled at seemingly nothing, and waved his limbs around in this nowhere place. It was childlike and excited, and anticipating something important.
Whatever it was, he liked it, and any worries that he may have had were gone. He couldn't even remember what they were. Why should he have to know about them when he was safe now, when everything was finally right?
"But that isn't healthy," a voice responded to his thoughts. He wasn't startled by it, in fact he had been somewhat expecting it. "Why do you want to hide?"
Lloyd tried to think of an answer to the voice, but he couldn't find one. "I dunno, but I certainly like this better," he replied truthfully. Somehow he knew the voice would be able to figure out if he was being candid, despite any of this not making sense.
"You would rather live in delusion, rather than face things directly?"
Hm. Lloyd wouldn't call it delusion.
"I don't remember what I was worried about before, but all I know is that it hurts. Why would I want to face things directly, as you say, if I feel better now. Isn't it best to feel better?" The boy asked the voice. It seemed reasonable enough currently, and what he was saying was objectively the truth. Wasn't it?
"Lloyd, that wouldn't be fair. Not to you or your loved ones. Do you really think forgetting, hiding, and running away is the best way to deal with things, to pretend it doesn't exist?"
"What other way can I deal with it?" He whispered, suddenly finding the comfortable feeling of this nowhere place fading away. He didn't want to deal with this, he didn't like to think about everything that happened to him because if he did then he'd probably start screaming and he would never stop.
"You can address it, and admit it's real. It hurts, Lloyd, but it's a part of you," the voice soothed. He blinked and suddenly he was in so much pain. The warm embrace turned into a raging inferno of anger and hurt. He cried out into the nowhere place, where he grew overwhelmed from the physical and mental drawback he's been actively avoiding for the last few years. Even though this place wasn't comprehensive to him before as there was nothing to look at, he knew his vision was blurry and he couldn't focus on anything else.
He screamed and found tears running down in excess, as screaming and sounds of distress finally left his mouth. He let everything out into a sporadic flurry of motion, where his entire being twisted and changed. Yet despite the raging fire that encased him, he felt the biting sting of ice and melancholy, a feeling of loneliness and abandonment finally burst out from his chest.
The ice spread from his heart, encompassing his fingers and sending shivers up and down his spine. He was no longer screaming, but instead he let out lethargic cries as he finally addressed what the first 9 years of his life had done to him. He was so lonely, and all he wanted was the approval of others and the chance to show them that he was worth something. And then when he finally found that something, it feels like he wasn't in control and he just seemed to mess up everything at every turn.
He missed his family. He missed his dad, and he missed the comfort of the year he was finally himself without any outside influence. He missed the simplicity of the boarding school he had been dropped off at, but he hissed at the memory of how he was treated during those years. He expelled every comment and remark made about him that he had internalized over the years, he finally stared at them directly and realized how often he would subconsciously take them to heart.
Lloyd's soul breathed. Finally, he felt it all calm down and everything didn't... go away. Now, though, he felt content. It existed alongside each other and he could address it fully. Contentment brought that happiness he had before the voice spoke to him, but now he could feel the difference as before was a fake happiness that suppressed his ability to actually think. Now, he could be happy and know exactly where it came from.
He blinked and stared at the nowhere place he was in, finding it lit up finally with a symphony of colors and sights. Memories, dreams, thoughts, and the feelings he's had over the years that he finally let free. He reached forward, grasping onto a memory of his first time eating at the table with the Ninja and his uncle, and he found a laugh bubble up in him because it had been the first time he placed a whoopie in a place that Kai would sit. Why did he give up his pranks, now that he thought about it.
Well, he knew that they annoyed the ninja to no end, but he found he liked the mischief that came with it and found it funny. Maybe he could do it again?
"Good job, Lloyd," the voice called out. "It seems you've made the first step."
"What first step?" He questioned.
"Of something important. You will see in time."
"Oh. Well, could I at least get your name?" He asked instead, knowing that if some strange magical being didn't want to share secrets then he would have more of a chance winning the lottery than prying information out of them.
"You will find that out at some other point as well," the voice responded and Lloyd had to bite back a growl of frustration. He exhaled and let the feeling join in with the others, nodding in understanding and accepting it for now. If he wasn't meant to know at this moment, then he'll just have to wait for when it was right for him to know. "Now, are you ready to go back?"
Lloyd didn't understand what the voice meant, but he thinks he'll go back no matter if he was ready or not. So he nodded once. Everything grew duller and duller, until the nowhere place finally faded away from his conscious and he slipped into actual sleep this time.
Everything hurt, was the first and only thing Lloyd could think of when consciousness finally gripped him. He didn't even want to open his eyes, because he knew the room was light and he thinks he may throw up if he tried to look directly at it. He heard some buzzing in his ears, before he realized it was chatter going on around him. He didn't know what they were saying and could care less, until he found a hand pressed against his face. He flinched at the contact and opened his eyes to the sight of everyone in the monestary hovering around him in worry.
Nya tried to talk directly to him, but he still couldn't understand anything. He closed his eyes and grunted, rolling away from the sensations and bringing a blanket up to cover his face. Lloyd breathed a sigh of relief at the light finally going away. Now he could focus on the words more clearly.
"Lloyd— Lloyd, how do you feel?" Nya's voice sounded above his makeshift cocoon.
"Feel like how you guys say what a, like a hangover feels like," he mumbled, "The light and everything hurts and it feels like 'm gonna throw up."
"What!?" Kai shouted, "Were you drinking?"
Lloyd huffed, deciding not to point out that Kai had definitely gotten drunk at his age before even if he hadn't done so again since then. He knew because he was there to witness it, but he didn't feel like getting into an argument right now. "No, I think everything has finally just caught up to me."
"You have been pushing your body to the limits ever since the Oni were defeated," Zane responded. "We've all been worried about you, Lloyd. And it seems that our concern for your well-being has been proven."
"Yeah, will you finally take my advice on giving yourself a break?" Jay piped in. Lloyd sighed and nodded underneath the blanket.
"Yeah, I've kinda of been... avoiding thinking about things," he finally admitted, "because they hurt a lot and so I thought that actually doing things would make the hurt go away."
No one else responded. Then a voice that Lloyd recognized as Wu finally came in, "Maybe you could talk about what hurts? I don't wish for you to push your body and mind to the brink of sickness because something was too much for you to deal with, nephew."
Lloyd nodded again, "I will. I'll talk about it some other time with you but just... not right now. Please? I think I just want some time alone to myself."
"Alright, we'll leave you alone then," Cole conceded, followed by the agreements (willing and begrudging) of the others. The shuffle of clothes and creaking of footsteps grew distant, but the scent— wait what— of his family lingered in the air. Oh well, it wasn't the weirdest things he experienced, and despite just barely waking up a few minutes ago he found himself falling back into a sleep where he wasn't joined by the mysterious voice this time.
This time when Lloyd woke up he didn't feel like all his senses were attacking him. In fact, it seemed that everything was in perfect clarity and he felt the best he had in forever. He inhaled deeply, still sensing the scent of his family, though stale and dull now. It was crisp and clear, like inhaling the scent of a forest for the first time ever with all your sinuses completely cleared. He couldn't tell who's scent was who's at the moment considering he didn't even know his family had a distinct smell until now, but he could associate some of them.
His eyesight seemed to also be a lot clearer, and he could notice any indentations from the wall directly across from the cot he was laying on. Odd, had he been so worn out by everything that his senses had been so dull and blurry? He can't remember things being this clear beforehand, but he didn't care enough to figure it out. Despite his body feeling a lot better, a resilient ache found it's way to his mouth.
Lloyd bared his teeth and carefully reached a hand up, hissing when the ache became sharp and pointed. He cupped his hand over his mouth and quickly sat up in the cot. It felt hot once again and there was something pushing against his teeth. He groaned and leaned forward, waiting for the pain to pass by before he got up. It went by for a few minutes until finally it dulled again, and he breathed out in relief.
Now that he could actually focus on his surroundings rather than the pain he was in he could smell the telltale sign of Zane's cooking, and he was immediately up and out of the room in seconds. He didn't realize it before, but he was starving, and probably hasn't eaten since he fainted however long ago. Except if he were to pinpoint this hunger it seemed more animalistic and desperate, so he hoped Zane was done or at least close to done with whatever he was making.
He made it to the kitchen and found his family sitting around the table idly chatting with each other, their scents once again invading his nose. They seemed to be waiting for Zane to get done with dinner, which didn't look too far away from being finished. So this time he took the effort to get familiar with their scents now that he wasn't delirious.
Nya seemed to smell like the moment just after rainfall— petrichor if he remembered correctly— when everything was hazy but clear and comforting. Cole smelled, funnily enough, a lot like coal and dirt. Lloyd had to stifle a giggle at his name being more literal than he thought before, and turned his attention to Jay. The ginger smelled like ozone and he could faintly taste a static on his tongue along with it. Zane was also clear similar to Nya, but his was cold and comforting with a hint of chilling breeze added into it. Finally, Kai was one of the most prominent scents in the room and he smelled of ashes and sweat, with a haze and warmth to it that Lloyd found familiar and safe.
It was weird, he doesn't know why he could suddenly smell his family after so many years of being with them but he feels like it was important somehow and it only brought comfort and love to his heart. Whatever had happened to him while he fainted must've been good, if this was the outcome. Though, he thinks that the ninja would be upset with him if he went another week of barely any sleep to figure out if he could achieve more with another crash.
"Hey guys!" he called out to the room, finally making his presence known after hiding around the corner. He was met with expressions lighting up and relief in their features, "I feel so much better now, and I want to thank you for being there for me the first time I woke up."
"We care about you Lloyd, of course we'd be there," Nya patted his arm as he sat down next to her, across from Jay and Cole.
"Yeah, I realize that now," he smiled warmly, and idly began conversation with his family as they waited for Zane to finish up dinner.
Somehow, Lloyd felt something deep within his bones that felt similar to anticipation. It was excited and electrifying, and something he actively looked forward to. Something had happened to him and he could feel that after today nothing would be the same, but he met it with silent acception for what was about to come.