Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“My love language is ruining my sleep schedule to talk to you.”

“What?” Nick closes the book he’s been reading on this lazy Sunday afternoon and lowers it on his chest. He almost breaks his neck from tilting his head backwards from where he’s lying on their couch to have a good view at his roommate, his heart starting to beat a teeny-tiny bit too fast. But the man sitting on the other end of their worn-out blue sofa just shrugs, his eyes focused on the phone he’s holding in his hands, a small smile playing on his lips.

“You’re my favourite name to appear on my phone.”

Nick slowly sits up, very unsure what his best friend is talking about and even more unsure about how to react to it other than yelling ‘same!’ in delight. He carefully wiggles his book between their long-emptied tea mugs on the narrow wooden coffee table so he can properly face his roommate. Does he mean what he says? But if so, why doesn’t he say it to Nick’s face? Nick clears his throat in an attempt to gain the other man’s attention while simultaneously trying to temper down the raging bloom of hope inside his chest.

“Imagine cooking pancakes and dancing at 2am with the love of your life.”

He feels his mouth fall open as a tiny gasp escapes his lips. What is going on? Just last Saturday, they had ended up dancing in their kitchen to an old Beatles song playing softly on the radio while cooking pasta to lessen the impact of the few drinks they had had at their favourite bar. It hadn’t been at 2am and it hadn’t been pancakes but for Nick it has been very much with the love of his life. But Charlie doesn’t know that yet nor does Nick know if Charlie could ever feel that way about him. His heart takes up in speed anyway, he can’t help it, as he stares at Charlie in search of any kind of explanation.

“Oh, this is gold: Facetime isn’t enough, come spend time on my face instead.” Charlie snorts and then giggles as he averts his gaze to where Nick had been lying next to him just a minute ago. Surprised, his gaze snaps up to where Nick’s now sitting, a slight frown forming on his features as his beautiful dark-blue eyes flicker over Nick’s face in obvious search now of an explanation themselves. Nick desperately tries to school his expression back into a neutral one but his heart grows heavy and he feels himself failing.

Charlie was only joking, he didn’t mean any of it.  

“What’s wrong?” Charlie asks with a careful tilt to his voice.

“Nothing,” Nick replies - most possibly a tad too fast - and he clears his throat to gain time. 

“I didn’t know what you were talking about, you were confusing me a little so I had to sit up,” Nick explains slightly nonsensically and he chuckles to himself in embarrassment as he lets his gaze fall to where he’s wringing his hands in his lap. He wills them to stop acting suspiciously and looks back up again. 

Charlie eyes him in curiosity but lets the topic go and Nick exhales a slow breath in relief. I thought you were actually talking to me and couldn’t believe my ears and got my hopes up and- remains hidden behind the carefully maintained security of his still-guarded heart.

“Oh, yeah, those were tweets,” Charlie starts to explain after another moment of silence, his eyes slowly starting to sparkle with amusement again, “I found a page on twitter that quotes sweet nothings and I thought it’s kinda cute. Imagine someone texting you stuff like that!” 

Nick doesn’t need to imagine it, it had definitely felt way too good for his liking to hear those words finally out of Charlie’s mouth. Even the last one of these quotes - although nobody had ever done that to him in his 22 years of living. But if it’s Charlie, everything was worth a try, maybe even sitting on- nope, dangerous train of thoughts. Nick coughs softly to regain his composure.

His roommate shakes his head and rolls in his lower lip, securing it inside with teeth buried deep into his plump lips -and Jesus, that’s not helping- before he lets it go again with a soft smacking sound. “Pity I’m still single,” he murmurs under his breath but Nick catches it anyway.

“You’d be into this sappy stuff?” Nick asks, curious for mostly selfish reasons, an idea starting to form in his head when he sees Charlie blush.

“Well, I mean- who isn’t,” Charlie says, obviously trying to play it off. Nick can see it in the way his best friend juts his chin in the tiniest of movements; sees it in the way his gaze turns challenging before he averts his eyes to the bookshelf on the wall behind Nick; sees it in the way his upper body stiffens in slight embarrassment.

“I can’t speak for others, but I very much am,” Nick confesses, a tad too eager in an attempt to ease Charlie’s discomfort but doesn’t find it in him to care all that much when Charlie’s blue eyes meet his brown ones with an expression that is so soft it almost takes Nick’s breath away.

“I know you do,” Charlie teases with a gaze that is way too fond to match the tone of his words.

“Too bad we’re both single,” Nick hears himself say and for a fraction of a second, he sees something flash in Charlie’s eyes as they lock gazes for a long moment. It’s gone too soon for Nick to be able to properly make sense of it so he stores it away in his what-does-that-mean-Charlie folder in the carefully hidden corner in his mind.

💙💛

Upon Nick’s request the next day, Charlie shares that particular twitter account with him and it doesn’t take Nick long to gather his courage and send Charlie his first message.

11 March 2024

Nick
>>>dear you, if we aren’t texting each other, just know I am thinking of you the whole time.  3:01pm

Nick is aware he’s playing with his own feelings but he wants to make Charlie feel loved in every way he knows and he justifies it to himself by knowing it isn’t a lie. At all. He sees the promising three dots starting to dance their everlasting up and down for quite some time - until they suddenly stop again. He holds his breath for the next few torturing seconds that soon turn into minutes.

Char 💛 
Nick.  3:10pm

now i know why you were requesting the link to that page on twitter  3:11pm

i see what you’re doing  3:12pm

thank you though <3  3:12pm

Nick
<3  3:12pm

Char 💛 
>>>dear you, I hope you stay around for a long time… …I think I want you in my life forever.  3:12pm

Oh fuck. Slightly taken aback by the impact of his backfiring plan, Nick feels his heart beating violently against his ribcage. Charlie is only quoting, don’t get your hopes up! he reminds himself. Nonetheless, he can’t help but play along - even though he couldn’t be further from playing as being in Charlie’s life forever is all he ever wants.

Nick
That can be arranged  3:12pm

Char 💛 
Nick! you’re such a sap  3:12pm

Nick
😇  3:12pm

💙💛

12 March 2024

Nick
>>>Suddenly all the songs are about you  9:45am

Attachment: Link to Pearl Jam, Unthought Known  9:45am

Originally, the quote included *love* songs but I guess it’s not really a love song  9:47am

But it reminded me of you <3  9:47am

Char 💛 
<3  9:49am

“All the thoughts you never see
You are always thinking”   9:54am

because of this part, Nicholas?   9:54am

Nick
No Charles  9:56am

Dork  9:56am

Even though you ARE always thinking  9:57am

And I love your brain, you know that  9:57am

But  9:57am

It was this part:  9:58am

“Oh, pool of blue sky
Fill the air up with love
All black with starlight
Feel the sky blanket you
Oh, with gems and rhinestones
See the path cut by the moon
For you to walk on”  10:00am

I just know your future will be open and bright and worthwhile and wonderful  10:01am

Please never doubt yourself  10:01am

Char 💛 
oh Nick  10:05am

thank you  10:05am

this means a lot, especially after my little meltdown yesterday  10:06am

Nick
Always, I hope you know that  10:09am 

Char 💛 
i do. and that’s the greatest gift  10:11am

Nick
Oh look who’s a sap now!  10:12am

Char 💛 
🖕🏼  10:14am

Nick
<3  10:14am

Char 💛 
<3  10:14am

💛💙

13 March 2024

Char 💛 
>>>Text me when you’re home - how was your day - I think you might like this song - this reminded me of you  2:14pm

Attachment: picture of a little girl playing with a border collie on a meadow in their nearby park  2:14pm

Nick
A Nellie-lookalike!  2:22pm

Gosh  2:22pm

I miss Nellie  2:23pm

Char 💛 
you’ll see her soon!    2:25pm

easter-break's so close  2:25pm

Nick
Promise we’ll see each other when we’re both back home?  2:29pm

You could finally meet Nellie  2:29pm

Char 💛  
if this is your attempt at bribery, i’m all in  2:31pm

also  2:31m

our family’s homes are like 10 mins from each other, did you really think you’d get rid of me that easily?  2:33pm

Nick
still can’t believe that it took us studying in Leeds to finally meet  2:35pm

when we have lived so close for most of our lives!  2:36pm

Char 💛 
i blame rugby  2:38pm

Nick
fair  2:38pm

Char 💛 
and your talent  2:38pm

why did you have to be so good at it? You could’ve been an average player and therefore have come to Truham too. You could’ve admired my super fast running skills from the rugby pitch  2:40pm

why are you never mediocre?  2:41pm

Nick
Char!  2:42pm

Ffs  2:42pm

Stop it  2:42m

I AM mediocre at many things  2:43pm

Like  2:43pm

Maths  2:43pm

Mario Kart  2:43pm

Playing the drums 
.

.

.  2:44pm

Char 💛 
i only accept the drums-thingy  2:46pm

the rest is  2:46pm

..well definitely not mediocre  2:47pm

nothing about you is mediocre, actually. you’re adorable when you’re playing the drums  2:48pm

so i take that back  2:48pm

Nick
Charles, are you flirting with me?   2:50pm

Char 💛 
maybe I am Nicholas  2:51pm

Nick
Oh  2:51pm

 2:51pm

But there’s no need, I already suggested you should meet Nellie  2:54pm

Char 💛 
and what about your mum?  2:54pm

you see, i was flirting for a reason  2:55pm

😇  2:55pm

Nick
Fine, mum too  2:57pm

Char 💛 
yay, i’m finally meeting Sarah!  2:58pm

honestly can’t wait  2:58pm

Nick
She keeps asking and insisting  2:59pm

I *might* have told her A LOT about you lol  2:59pm

I’m already afraid you’ll get along too well  3:01pm

Also  3:01pm

You could’ve already done that!  3:02pm

I suggested it for Christmas break  3:02pm

Char 💛 
i know  3:06pm

(don't worry, i won't say sorry)  3:06pm

you know i wasn’t in the best place over christmas and i didn’t want to burden you  3:08pm

we had only known each other for a few months  3:08pm

and i felt too clingy running to you when things got harder at home  3:09pm

Nick
Char  3:10pm

You know you could never burden me  3:10pm

I would’ve never thought you’re clingy in a bad way  3:11pm

>>>Be clingy with me, always text me, send me selfies, tell me about your day. I love it.  3:14pm

I know it’s a quote but I mean it  3:14pm

Char 💛 
Nick.  3:16pm

thank you. it means more than you’ll ever know  3:16pm

and i know that *now*  3:16pm

i might have assumed it on christmas  3:17pm

but i wasn’t sure  3:17pm

i didn’t want to scare you away  3:17pm

Nick
You could never  3:17pm

And never could have  3:17pm

>>>Happiness is to see your favourite person happy.  3:19pm

Char 💛 
<3  3:20pm

Nick
<3  3:20pm

Nick puts his phone away and rolls on his back, sighing deeply. His eyes follow the leaves dancing on his ceiling - backlit by the soft orange glow of a streetlamp as the wind tugs on branches of a tree outside his window. He watches the shadows growing stronger as the evening sun slowly disappears, his thoughts bouncing from one beautiful memory with Charlie to the next. Charlie was right, they had already grown close by Christmas, but it was nothing in comparison to how they were now. How in-tune they are with each other’s traits and needs, how it’s second nature by now by just one glance at the other. When Charlie steps into their flat, Nick knows from the way Charlie carries himself how his day has been and also knows what helps him most if it’s been an exhausting one: a hug and putting on one of Nick’s jumpers because “they’re like a lingering hug” - and if Nick leaves them lying around the apartment for just that occasion, it’s his secret and his alone. He knows by a flicker in Charlie’s eyes if he needs Nick to take over talking while eating dinner, allowing Nick to divert his focus and make it all a little easier on bad days. He knows by how pronounced Charlie’s gorgeous dimples grow when he smiles how much something means to him - and he also knows that there’s a smile that he only ever sees directed at him. 

Nick feels Charlie’s care for him by the soft dip of the cushions on their sofa, quietly sitting next to Nick when yet another phone call with his dad shows how little he cares about his younger son; followed by Charlie’s hand drawing patterns on his shoulders to ease the tension growing there. He feels his best friend’s care when he smells his favourite brand of tea before Charlie even enters his room on late study nights, placing it wordlessly but with an encouraging smile on his lips on his desk along with a plate of his favourite biscuits. He feels it when Charlie listens with rapt attention as Nick loses himself in ramblings about his team's latest win against one club or the other; asking many questions and sharing his laughter and joy. 

They both feel how much they care about each other when they cuddle on the sofa while watching a show or a movie; feel it in the way they naturally switch positions depending on who needs to be fully enveloped in a hug on a shit day. More often than not does Charlie fall asleep in Nick’s arms and it takes one night and one glass of wine too much for Charlie to confess to Nick that he could only do that because he feels so safe around Nick.

Yeah fuck, he really loves him.

Unaware of how much time has passed, Nick startles upon hearing a soft knock on the wooden frame of his door. He sits up so fast he gives himself whiplash and he buries his head in his hand to stop the room from spinning.

“Sorry,” Charlie giggles, his satchel with his book falling to the floor with a loud thud that causes Nick to gasp in yet another shock.

“Charlie,” Nick whines as he gets up from his bed to cross the distance between them to do - what exactly? He stops in his tracks and feels his eyes widen for a brief moment but Charlie’s either oblivious or doesn’t care about Nick’s intentions as he closes the distance himself and all but curls into Nick. Taken by surprise, it takes a second for Nick’s body to react but then he wraps his arms around his best friend's slender frame in a tight hug, holding him as close as possible.

“Thank you,” he hears Charlie whisper into the fabric of the hoodie he knows is Charlie's favourite.

“What for?” Nick whispers back against Charlie’s neck, his lips accidentally brushing along warm skin and it takes all of Nick’s willpower to not press a soft kiss to the spot.

“For being you. You’re my favourite person too,” Charlie murmurs fondly without having any idea about the turmoil he causes inside of Nick as he blurs the line between quoting and meaning even more.

💙💛

16 March 2024

Nick
>>>I’ll always choose you. Even on days we don’t understand each other  4:05pm

This is another meta-quote  4:05pm

I didn’t mean it, you never annoy me when you play the drums. I was just so stressed and the words I’ve been reading didn’t make any sense and then -yeah  4:07pm

I’m sorry  4:07pm

I love hearing you play the drums  4:08pm

I hope you know that  4:08pm

You can definitely keep them in the living room, I really didn’t mean it  4:09pm

I’d never mind!  4:09pm

At least not when I’m sane and in my right mind  4:10pm

Char?  4:12pm

Char 💛 
Nick, it’s all good!  4:22pm

i’m sorry for my petty response  4:23pm

i knew you were stressed   4:24pm

i was too and i wanted to release it in one of the ways i know  4:24pm

i should’ve gone for a run to clear my head and not let it out on you  4:25pm

Nick
so we’re good?  4:26pm

>>>A relationship where we both admit our mistakes and fix them together.  4:27pm

Char 💛 
yes  4:29pm

thank you for yet another meta-quote  4:29pm

obviously we already do that and i think we excel at it!  4:30pm

definitely not mediocre, both of us  4:30pm

Nick
Dork  4:31pm

<3  4:31pm

Char 💛 
<3  4:31pm

💙💛

16 March 2024

Nick
>>>I remember you said you liked it so I got it for you  5:31pm

Blurring the lines here once again because I just returned from Whittards and North Star  5:32pm

Attachment: Picture of an assortment of tea and coffee  5:32pm

Now you’re all set for your upcoming study nights  5:33pm

<3  5:33pm

Char 💛 
>>>Something I’ve finally accepted about you:  5:40pm

Attachment: Selfie of a grinning Charlie and his shopping basket full of all kinds of sweets with questionable taste  5:41pm

and i’m currently at tesco  5:41pm

home soon  5:41pm

then we’re BOTH all set for the upcoming long nights  5:42pm

<3  5:42pm

💛💙

18 March 2024

Char 💛 
Nick, are you awake?  11:31pm

please  11:31pm

Nick!  11:33pm

wae up!  11:33pm

wake  11:34pm

up  11:34pm

missed call: 1  11:34pm

Nick!  11:35pm

Nick
Charlie!  11:37pm

unanswered call: 1  11:37pm

Char, what’s up? I’m awake now  11:37pm

Did something happen?  11:37pm

Char 💛 
I know it’s sooooooo much to ask, but could you please come get me?  11:38pm

I’m at the bar we usually have quiz nights  11:39pm

I was there with Elle  11:40pm

oh  11:40pm

you already know that  11:41pm

I know I can go home by myself  11:42pm

but I don’t want to be alooooone  11:43pm

I *might* be a bit tipsy  11:44pm

Nick
Of course  11:44pm

I’ll uber, hang on  11:44pm

Is Elle still with you?  11:44pm

And you’re tipsy? 🤭  11:45pm

Char 💛 
no, Elle left  11:46pm

maybe more on the side of a little drunk  11:47pm

thank god for spell check, so many words to get right!  11:48pm

okay, so  11:48pm

we met one of my study buddies so Elle left after a while  11:49pm

it was James  11:49pm

the study buddy we met I mean  11:50pm

Nick
Yeah?  11:50pm

Char, did something happen?  11:50pm

Char 💛 
No, not really  11:51pm

Or I don’t know   11:51pm

James confessed his feelings to me  11:52pm

Out of the blue!  11:52pm

I had no idea  11:52pm

He rambled on about how I’ve been his gay awakening and therefore owe him something?  11:53pm

I don’t know  11:53pm

He said if I don’t kiss him it would be like leading on and that's not fair to him and how that would affect his gay experience and trust towards people and such shit  11:55pm

Nick
What the fuck?  11:55pm

Is he still with you?  11:56pm

I’ll kick his ass I swear  11:56pm

throw him out of the pub  11:57pm

Years of rugby training will finally be good for something  11:58pm

I’m in the uber btw  11:59pm

Should be with you in 5  00:00pm

Char 💛 
no need to beat him up, he left after I said I’m really not interested  0:01am

and that I didn’t know  0:01am

that I had absolutely no intention to lead him on  0:02am

but I still feel shitty  0:02am

we still have a project to finish  0:03am

and he looked heartbroken before he decided to act like a dick  0:05am

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick, I feel so bad  0:06am

why am i such a bad person  0:07am

Nick
Char, please, stop it!  0:07am

It’s not your fault  0:07am

You can’t stop people from falling in love with you  0:08am

You’re amazing!  0:08am

Also  0:08am

>>>You deserve to be someone’s first choice not a realisation.  0:08am

Char 💛 
Nick! You can’t just say things like that. You know how emotional I get when drunk  0:10am

even though I know it’s a quote  0:10am

thank you  0:11am

oh  0:11am

you’re here!  0:12am

I can see you!  0:12am

you’re wearing my favourite jumper  0:13am

I’m so happy to see y- 

💛💙

 21 March 2024

Char 💛 
i know you’re in class now but i’m not  2:32pm

stupid books. stupid lectures. stupid meanings behind poems. stupid exams  2:34pm

stupid fucking day  2:34 pm

can you tell that i'm annoyed?  2:34pm

and you can’t react because you’re in class so you have to suffer with me  2:35pm

ha!  2:35pm

but honestly, it’s shit. Ever since the thing with James the mood has shifted  2:35pm

i don’t know what he’d told the others  2:36pm

i don’t feel very welcome anymore  2:36pm

so i try to study alone  2:36pm

or as alone as one can be in a crowded library  2:37pm

i’m sitting with other people from my class but i can’t focus  2:37pm

i resist the urge to close all my books with the loudest clap possible to cause some riot  2:38pm

but I won’t. hope you’re proud  2:38pm

10 min until you’re done  2:50pm

i hope you have your phone on silent  2:50pm

otherwise… sorrynotsorry?  2:51pm

i’ve read a paragraph!  2:56pm

and *think* I even understood its meaning?  2:56pm

progress  2:56pm

this day sucks  2:57pm

can we go home?  2:58pm

*charlie in his toddler era*  2:58pm

Nick
Char!  3:02pm

Ohmygod  3:02pm

I know I shouldn’t but I snorted  3:02pm

How about I come to the library, we get you a huge coffee and these blueberry muffins you like so much and then we go home and study from there?  3:04pm

I’ll help you, I have time until rugby practice later  3:04pm

I can help you try to make sense of your sentences  3:04pm

Char 💛 
oh yes please  3:05pm

what good did i do to have you in my life now?  3:05pm

thank you so much  3:06pm

you really are my best friend  3:06pm

you’re amazing, i hope you know that  3:07pm

<3  3:07pm

Nick
<3  3:08pm

Always Char  3:08pm

>>>I can’t promise to fix all your problems, but I can promise you won’t have to face them alone.  3:09pm

So corny but so true  3:09pm

See you in 2, pack your books  3:10pm

As quietly as possible  3:11pm

Remember: you love the library  3:11pm

Don’t want to have you expelled for misbehaviour  3:12pm

Char 💛 
<3 <3 <3  3:12pm

💙💛

 23 March 2024

Nick
>>>Life is really really really beautiful with you  4:46pm

Char 💛 
<3  4:48pm

i could get used to studying in parks  4:48pm

i take naps in the sun while you have to chase shadows  4:49pm

drink coffee from the nearby café  4:49pm

eat ice cream  4:50pm

too bad we live in the UK  4:50pm

yesterday was so beautiful  4:51pm

i wanna go back  4:51pm

*sent from the library while raindrops are racing each other along the window pane* 😑  4:52pm

💙💛

 25 March 2024

Nick
>>>In case you forgot, I’m proud of you.  8:45am

You’ll ace your presentation, I know it  8:45am

Char 💛 
<3  8:51am

💛💙

 26 March 2024

Char 💛 
>>>From “replied to your story” to “being part of your story.”  8:55am

swap the first ‘story’ for ad  8:56am

happy 8 months of being roommates!  8:56am

Nick
Happy 8 months!  8:57am

Little did I know how much my life would change when I knocked on your door to view your spare room  8:57am

My life’s way better because I met you  8:58am

And that’s not a quote, that’s my sappy self  8:58am

<3  8:58am

Char 💛 
cringe  8:58am

but honestly? same  8:59am

<3  8:59am

💙💛

28 March 2024

Nick
>>>I love your voice and your laugh a lot  5:45pm

Char 💛 
are you mocking my display of vocal artistry in the shower?  6:01pm

Nick
Maybe 6:02pm

Char 💛 
Rude  6:03pm

Not everyone’s blessed with an angelic voice like you  6:04pm

Nick
Now you’re mocking my display of vocal artistry, right?  6:06pm

Char 💛 
Maybe  6:07pm

Nick
🖕🏼  6:08pm

But  6:08pm

you DO know that my quote is actually the truth?  6:09pm

Char 💛 
Yeah, you keep telling me <3  6:10pm

And same, you know that, don’t you?  6:11pm

Nick
<3  6:11pm

💛💙

“Okay, I’m leaving now. You’re still sure you don’t want to join me?”

Nick looks up from his laptop and feels his eyes immediately grow wide. Charlie’s standing in the doorway to his room, all ready for a night out. He’s wearing a black, cropped t-shirt with his signature leather jacket and his black jeans that hug his lower body in all the right places. But what makes Nick’s poor bisexual heart take up a concerning speed is Charlie wearing eyeliner. Fucking hell. He knows he’s staring but he can’t take his eyes off his best friend and the biggest crush he’s ever had - and he only barely refrains from jumping up to sweep Charlie off his feet and into Nick’s arms and preferably right into his bed.

Hearing Charlie chuckle awkwardly is what pulls Nick back from his daydreaming and he clears his throat, trying to remember Charlie’s initial question. His heart’s battling with his mind but in the end, responsibility wins.

“Yeah. I really need to finish this tonight so I can enjoy Easter break to its fullest. And I need to pack so we can leave as early as possible tomorrow.”

Charlie looks …disappointed? Nick’s not quite sure and it’s gone so fast anyway, he’s even doubting himself if he’d interpreted the sentiment correctly.

“Okay. Do you need any help? I could stay in with you?” Charlie asks and it sounds so genuine that Nick’s heart aches from holding in all the love he feels for him. He smiles weakly and knows he’s probably showing more emotions than appropriate for a conversation between friends. He shakes his head.

“No, you go out and have some fun, you really deserve it. I just have to edit it and then I’m done. 2 hours max, I think. And packing should be quick, too. But thank you, I really appreciate the offer.”

Charlie shrugs and smiles fondly as he takes the three steps to where Nick’s sitting to ruffle his hair for a brief moment. Nick tries to look offended but can’t hold back a soft chuckle as he’s trying to suppress a shiver.

“Oi! That was uncalled for,” he says in mock-annoyance while reaching out to grab Charlie’s waist and push him away gently. His thumbs accidentally brush over warm skin just above the waistband thanks to Charlie’s cropped top and the tiny gasp he hears Charlie take in causes him to let out a strangled noise from deep down his throat. He yanks his arms away the same moment Charlie takes a step back, both murmuring a low, “Right” under their breaths. Nick’s hand rubs his neck in his signature oh-hi-yes-I’m-nervous-gesture and he yanks it away again as fast as possible .

“Okay,” Charlie says, slowly backtracking, “I’m leaving now. Can’t keep Tao, Elle and the others waiting, right?”

“Elle I guess you can but Tao? Wouldn’t dare,” Nick chuckles and he’s happy when he sees a small smile returning to his friend’s lips. He didn't make him too uncomfortable.

“True. Even though having Elle as his girlfriend has made him so much softer, he still can get easily annoyed. Can’t risk that.”

“I still can’t believe that it was even easier to get in his bad books before he got together with Elle. I’m honestly glad I didn’t meet him back then. I bet he would’ve disliked me even more for my taste in movies and pretty laddish behaviour I had on display back in the days.”

“I’m afraid you’re right. Sorry,” Charlie says, giggling and shrugging with one shoulder and it’s so adorable that Nick almost gets up to cup his face and place a kiss on his forehead. Jesus.

“No, I get it. He’s fierce and loud in his love for his friends. He’s protective. But still, I wouldn’t let him wait, even if I were you and we all know how much he loves you.”

Charlie holds up his hands in mock-surrender and with one final giggle, he turns on his heel to leave Nick’s room.

“Bye!” Nick hears Charlie yell and his own “Bye!” gets swallowed by the thud of the closing door.

He smiles to himself as he spends another minute or 20 thinking about his plan to tell Charlie about his feelings for him over the Easter break when they’re both back at home. His main reasoning behind it being that it would give them the option of avoiding each other and spending time apart in case it all went wrong. Somehow, in the back of his mind and body and heart, Nick has hope blooming that it won’t be the case and that Charlie might like him back. But still, he doesn’t know, maybe Charlie's just so lovely and amazing and caring and cuddly in a friend way so he wants to choose the safe path for them. He pictures himself telling Charlie when he comes round his house to meet his mum and Nellie and when they go for a walk or when he shows him his old room or when they enjoy the sunshine in the back garden. His further musings about what words to choose are only interrupted by incoming messages in his friend’s group chat with Darcy gushing over a new outfit her girlfriend Tara has bought.

*

A loud clatter from the kitchen lets Nick heave his head from where it was resting on his crossed arms. He tries to blink his brain back from sleep to some kind of being awake and groans when his neck greets him with pain. He sits up and curses his past-self for thinking that I’ll-just-close-my-eyes-for-sec would be a sensible thing to do at 1 in the morning as he rubs his eyes. A smile starts forming on his lips as he hears more rumbling and Charlie cursing himself. He gets up to stretch every part of his body thoroughly and frowns at every cracking he hears before he starts to make his way to the kitchen and greet his roommate.

“I’m not single anymore! Have you heard, kettle, I’ve got a boyfriend!”

Nick stops in his tracks and any trace of a smile disappears from his face to make room for utter shock. Dread fills him instantly as his heart starts pounding violently against his ribcage and it’s so loud and all-encompassing, the thrumming turns his hearing to static. He has to brace himself against the wall. No, that can’t be. How could Charlie get a boyfriend in the span of the night? Does he have secrets from Nick? But - how? They spend every waking moment either in class or together in their apartment or somewhere in Leeds.

“...so crazy,” he hears Charlie mumble to himself and giggle happily, “...love that for me.”

Before he announces himself to Charlie by sobs escaping his lungs, Nick turns around and walks back to his room, closes the door as quietly as possible and lets himself fall onto his bed. He buries his head in his pillow to muffle any tell-tale sounds and allows himself to fall apart. 

He had waited too long.