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It’s Saturday and Nick is spending time at Charlie’s for the first time. They talk a lot while sitting on the carpet on Charlie’s floor. “Since you’ve said that playing the drums is cool, would you want to give it a try?,” Charlie asks.
“Why not. I mean, what can I loose?”
“Your big reputation as the rugby king.”
“Very funny,” Nick replies with a smile on his face. Then he sits down on the tiny stool and tries to play the drums. He tries but massively fails at it.
“You’re terrible,” laughs Charlie. If it had been anyone else, Nick would’ve been offended but it’s Charlie.
“I’m trying,” Nick said, trying his very best to impress Charlie.
“Here. Budge up, let me help.” Nick moved and Charlie sat down next to him. Then, he takes Nick’s hands and drums a cool cover. But Nick doesn’t even listen in the slightest. He looks at Charlie and suddenly he feels like he couldn’t think. His heart seemed to stop. He feels the butterflies in his stomach and suddenly it hits him. All these things he feels right now, remember him of....of his crush he had on Tara when he was thirteen. Did he have a crush on Charlie? What would it be like to hold his hand with intertwined fingers? To hold his hand on purpose? To have Charlie as a boyfriend? To....kiss Charlie? Kiss Charlie? Was that what he wanted?
“There, you’re a pro now,” Charlie said, breaking through his thoughts. Then he drops Nick's hands and Nick can barely hold himself back from taking them in his again. It just felt so right.
“Um…That’s probably cheating though,” Charlie chuckled and stands up. Nick just wants to pull him closer and kiss him.
When they watch a movie together, Nick can’t help but sneak glances at Charlie every few seconds. He has no clue what the movie they chose is about. Instead he thinks about kissing Charlie. He takes another glance at Charlie’s lips. How would they taste? He can barely stop himself from leaning over and kiss him. Why was he like this?
When he realises that Charlie fell asleep, he takes his phone out of his pocket and opens his browser. Slowly he types ‘am I gay?’ in the search bar. The first result is a buzzfeed quiz. He feels like a Year Four again, when he and the lads took quizzes about Marvel, DC and rugby there. He knows it’s stupid but he clicks on it. ‘62 percent homosexual’, what the heck did that mean? Was he only partly gay?
As he looks down, he sees Charlie’s hand. It was open, like an invitation to take it. Would it be okay to hold his hand? He wonders if it’d feel like earlier on the drums. He reached his hand out and hold it in the air above Charlie’s. When did he start to think like this about boys?
“I wish you didn’t have to go.” Charlie say when they’re at the door.
“I wish I didn’t either,” Nick replies and really, really means it. He’d give everything to just stay with Charlie. Nick stares at him for another second and says, “You look so cuddly like that,” considering that Charlie looks even more beautiful with the blanket on his shoulders.
“Do I?”
“Yeah,” Nick manages to breathe out. Then he steps closer and wraps his arms around Charlie. He buries his face in Charlie’s shoulder. When Charlie wraps his arms around his waist, Nick mumbles, “would you kiss me?,” in Charlie’s shoulder.
“What did you say, Nick? I didn’t understand,” Charlie says and Nick inhales shakily. He breathes in and out for some seconds before he says,
“I asked if you’d want to kiss me. It’s okay if you don’t. And I know I’ve agreed that I'm your supportive straight friend, but, like, I now know I'm not. The only thing I know is, that I'm not and I really want to kiss you.”
“Then why don’t you?”
“Because I wanted your consent.”
“You got it, Nick,” Charlie whispers and closes the gap between the two boys’ lips. Nick feels like everything’s just perfect.