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Buck hates hospitals. He’s spent far too much time in them, sent too many patients to them, seen too much loss—he hates hospitals. But the part he hates the most isn’t the antiseptic smell or the fluorescent lighting or the smug doctors who act like they’re so much better than the lowly paramedics. The part he hates the most is the helplessness. When there’s nothing else to do but wait and see.
Wait and see.
Buck watches from several feet away as a doctor speaks with Maddie. Chim is still in surgery, has been for hours, and Buck knows he should be trying to do more, should at least cross the room and wrap an arm around his sister, help her stay standing, but he can’t make himself move in that direction. Because he can’t bear to see her look at him right now, knowing that he wasn’t able to stop this from happening, wasn’t able to protect her from this.
Buck’s stomach lurches and his feet unstick, sending him in the opposite direction from Maddie. Sending him to the exit.
His shoulder bumps someone as he passes through the door, and a hand grips his bicep for balance—a familiar hand. He exhales in a heavy gust of air as he steadies himself, then looks up into Eddie’s face.
“Any news?” Eddie asks quietly.
Buck shakes his head. “He’s still in surgery.”
Eddie nods once, then follows Buck as he keeps moving towards the main doors. Once they cross the threshold into the parking lot, the sun high in the sky is a reminder of how long he’s been waiting for news. There are messages on his phone—from Bobby, from Hen, from Tommy even, which is a tangle he can’t even begin to think about right now—but he can’t think about them, can’t return any of them. He can’t—
“They’re supposed to be getting married today,” he whispers. “In four hours. They’re supposed to be getting married, and instead—instead they’re—and I—I can’t—I don’t know w—what I—”
Eddie’s hand closes tightly around his, and Eddie’s arm closes around Buck’s waist to keep him standing. And Buck can’t help himself—he turns his face into Eddie’s neck and breathes, he lets Eddie take his weight, lets himself lean into the support that he hasn’t allowed himself to accept from anyone else.
“I should be making calls,” Buck says as Eddie’s warmth seeps into him, burning away the icy chill of numbness. “There are things to cancel—the caterers and flowers and—someone has to—”
“You don’t,” Eddie assures. “You don’t have to do anything.”
“But someone has to tell everyone that there’s—” Buck’s voice cracks. A shudder wracks him and Eddie’s hold tightens. “—that there’s not going to be a wedding today.”
Eddie stiffens for a moment, but before Buck can ask why, Eddie turns his head, his mouth grazing the edge of Buck’s jaw.
Buck freezes, then goes hot. An accident, he tells himself. Eddie definitely wouldn’t have done that on purpose, right? Eddie is—Eddie isn’t—Eddie wouldn’t—
Against his will, a hazy vision rises in the back of Buck’s mind—one that he’s been trying to figure out whether it’s a dream or a memory since Chim’s bachelor party a week ago.
Eddie’s hands on his bare chest, Eddie’s tongue in his mouth, the kiss broken by both of them laughing when Buck knocks over a glass of wine onto his pants—
Buck shivers, and almost misses it when Eddie says—
“There could be.”
“What?”
Eddie swallows hard, pulling back enough that his eyes can meet Buck’s. “There could still be a wedding today.”
“Considering the groom is unconscious on a surgical table and the bride is stuck waiting for news in the waiting room, trying to keep their child calm, I’m pretty sure that’s not—”
Eddie cuts Buck off with a kiss, swallowing the shocked noise Buck makes. And this kiss, Buck can’t ignore. This kiss, Buck can’t write off as a dream or a drunk hallucination. This kiss—this kiss is real, and right, and Buck feels like he’s been hit with lightning all over again, but he also feels like he’s come home, like he finally understands—
Fuck. Buck breaks the kiss with a gasp, wrenching himself back. “I—I—I—Eddie, I have a boyfriend.”
He doesn’t want to say it, he doesn’t want to stop, doesn’t want to think at all. But he’s not 26 anymore—he knows better than to avoid difficult things by burying himself in sex. So he knows that he has to say it. He has to—
“I know,” Eddie replies, and his voice is soft, his eyes are gentle. His hands are warm and steady and sure as they slide up Buck’s arms to his face. “I know you do. Right now. But I’m saying—I’m asking—”
Uncertainty flickers for the first time in Eddie’s gaze, and Buck would give anything to take that away. So despite the fact that he knows better, despite the fact that he’s supposed to be so much more responsible now, despite everything—he leans in and kisses Eddie again.
Eddie murmurs something into the kiss that Buck misses in the haze of heat that floods him.
“What?” He breathes as the kiss breaks again.
Eddie’s thumb passes over his cheekbone and Buck shivers again as his eyes flutter shut.
“Marry me,” Eddie repeats. “Marry me today. Because tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone and I know—I know it sounds crazy. Because yes, I know you have a boyfriend, but I’m saying—I’m saying you could have a husband. I’m saying that I could be your husband. Because I’ve loved you for so long and I think maybe you love me too, and I know I’ve been a coward—I know. I should have told you years ago, I should have told you so many times, I never should have waited so long. But if you let me—if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, because I am in love with y—”
Everything around Buck disappears. Everything narrows to white noise and Eddie’s face and those words repeating on a loop as the last several years of memories play back like a flipbook. And it’s like a puzzle piece clicks into place, like a key turns in a lock, everything making sense in a way he hadn’t thought was possible.
“You love me?”
Eddie blows out a breath. “More than anything. Do you—” he clears his throat. “—do you love me?”
And it’s right, so very right, when Buck pauses as the flipbook of their lives keeps playing back, and he says—
“Yes. Yes, I love you.”
The smile that breaks over Eddie’s face is brighter than the sun, and steals the breath from Buck’s lungs.
“So…you’ll marry me? Today?”
Buck kisses him again. And when he pulls back, he takes a breath. And gives him an answer.