Work Text:
The Questionnaire interviewees: Feng Xin and Mu Qing
The Questionnaire interviewer: Pei Ming
It took Pei Ming a whole lot longer to convince Feng xin and Mu Qing to participate in his survey than it had to convince Xie Lian, but not that much longer than Pei Ming had expected. When he had originally tried to talk to them in a communication array, he had gotten about two sentences in before they started arguing about grammar. Pei Ming was not discouraged in the least. After numerous failed attempts and lots of strongly worded “get off my property’s” Mu Qing showed up on Pei Ming’s doorstep, probably because his curiosity had gotten the better of him, not that Mu Qing would ever admit to such a ridiculous thing.
“Your names?” Pei Ming asked, even though it was unnecessary.
“Feng Xin,” Feng Xin stated mechanically.
“Don’t you already know?”
“How would you describe your partner's personality?” Pei Ming read off the scroll.
“Feng Xin is such an easy person to get along with.” Mu Qing said, his words dripping with an excessive amount of sarcasm.
“Even though he pretends like he doesn’t care about anything and is super rude, he’s actually just hiding everything because he’s afraid of it or something. He’s also just a really fucking annoying person sometimes.”
“I’M GOING TO-”
“Moving on.” Pei Ming said, feeling the need to keep his questionnaire victims from beating each other up.
“If you were to compare your partner to an animal, what animal would they be?”
“A husky, or a Saint Bernard, or any sort of dog.”
“One of those grumpy cats with the fluffy faces.”
“Well, then you would be an obnoxious barky dog that eats its own poop.”
“Can we just have the next question, let’s just get this over with.”
“Who was the first to confess?”
“Him.” Feng Xin said, pointing to Mu Qing.
“Well, maybe I just got really fed up with you and said it by accident!”
“You still confessed first.”
“But it was your fault. And why are you so proud of confessing second in the first place?” Mu Qing looked like he was ready to storm off, so Pei Ming asked his next question.
“Have you had sex?” Pei Ming said, finally getting to the interesting questions.
“No. Absolutely not. Where did you get that idea from?”
“Yes, we have,” Feng Xin said at the exact same time, causing Mu Qing to kick his foot under the table.
“Hey!” Feng Xin yelped. “Why’d you kick me!?”
“Shut up!”
“What do you mean?! I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING.”
“JUST STOP TALKING.” Mu Qing said kicking Feng Xin again, making the table shake very obviously.
“Fine.”
“I SAID STOP TALKING. I had this all under control and you just HAD to go and RUIN IT.” As much as Pei Ming was enjoying this, he again felt the need to keep his victims from grievous bodily harm.
“Have you fought before?” Pei Ming asked even though the answer was so very obvious.
They both stared at him incredulously.
“What do you think?!”
“How did you make up after these fights?” Pei Ming asked expectantly.
“We work out our differences.” Feng Xin said. So disappointing. Absolutely not what Pei Ming had wanted to hear.
Pei Ming decided to continue, as the questions were worse the farther down he got.
“How many times per month? ” Pei Ming asked shamelessly.
“None of your business, Pei Ming. And, who counts something like that?” Mu Qing responded.
“Who is the top, and who is the bottom?”
Finally breaking, Mu Qing stood up and walked out the door. Feng Xin lingered for a moment before asking,
“What was the point of this anyways?”
It wasn't like Pei Ming knew the answer.