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“FUCK!” Maverick snickers as Jake falls for the third time, accidentally yanking Bradley down with him.
“Shit, Jake!” Bradley seethes as he attempts to stand back up, glaring at Jake.
Jake pouts. “Roller skating fucking sucks.” He grimaces as a woman gives him a look while covering her child’s ears.
Mav chuckles, skating around the two of them gracefully. “Its fun once you get used to it, just look at me!” He spins quickly on his roller blades.
Ice rolls his eyes, calling out from his position near the wall, “Don’t listen to him, he was a mess our first date here, attempting to go as fast as an F-18 and flopping.”
“Like I said, it takes practice! Here,” He holds his hand out and helps Jake get back on his feet.
“Im going to get a snack before I fall again, thanks.” He skates over, hearing Ice’s distant plea for a snack as well, and heads up to the food stand, stumbling five times on the way there.
“Can I get one pretzel, and…uh…. A brownie? Yeah, one brownie please!” The worker nods at him as they start cooking his pretzel, handing him the packaged brownie as he inserts his card.
“Yeesh, $13.99 for this???? Inflation is wild, man.”
“No no no, you grab my hand- no my other hand! No, with your other hand.. Do I need to show you the video again?” Rooster stumbles as Maverick tries to maneuver them into a trick he allegedly saw on Tiktok that Jake had downloaded for him.
“Dad, you might think you can do everything, but not even you can do.. whatever that was, not to mention dragging me along with it.” He looks over to where Ice remains near the wall on his phone, not so subtly just out of Maverick’s eyesight to remain free from his antics.
“Hey, it's not the talent you need, it’s the mindset! You just gotta.. What do you kids say, lock in?” Bradley facepalms.
Jake walks up to Ice, and hands him the brownie as they watch the two banter.
“Ew, what the fuck is in this brownie?” Ice looks at it in disgust, and Jake looks down at it.
“I don’t know, it was the first thing I saw on the menu.”
“Its nauseating.”
“You just took another bite.” Jake points out.
“Hey, I’m hungry, and looking at the state of those two dumbasses, we’ll be here for a while.”
“Shit!” Rooster groans as he and Mav land on the hardwood floor.
Maverick, the enigma he is, pops up with everlasting energy, stretching, “See, I think the problem there is you weren’t bending your knees enough, let’s try agai-” He’s cut off by noise from one of the exit doors, saving Rooster from his seemingly eternal torture.
“I KNOW YOUR BITCHASS IS IN HERE MAVERICK!!! COME HERE SO I CAN KILL YOUR ASS WITH THIS GLOCK!!!!!!” Some shrieks ring out distantly, as Maverick freezes, recognizing the voice.
“Oh shit, ” Rooster looks at him, as Jake follows and Ice finally looks up from his phone, brownie halfway in his mouth.
After a fraction of a second, Maverick springs into action, with a screech of “IT’S THE OPPS!”, he speeds towards the wall, the three watch him jump onto the wall, and olympic-worthy flips off it, landing on a kids dinner table, disturbing 5 pizzas and 7 kids. Still repeating the same phrase, he jumps off of it and skates into the crowd, stealing a kid's piece of candy to the dismay of the poor child.
“Holy fucking shit, Mav!” Bradley hurriedly stumbles after him, taking off his skates and stealing his shoes from the skate renting stand. Ice groans as Jake falls on his face trying to follow, stuffing the rest of his brownie in his mouth as he goes to help Jake up.
“Where the fuck is this AAA Battery ass bitch at???” Bradley looks into alleys around the skating rink, even looking to the sky to make sure his idiot dad didn't make an enemy of an eagle and get himself hunted down.
“Hey, you!” he turns as a man who is clearly armed calls out to him.
“Hey…you..!” He finger guns the guy, laughing nervously as he glances at the actual gun.
“You know Maverick right? Ain’t you his kid or somethin’?”
“Uh.. yeah…?”
The man smirks as he lifts his gun higher, “Good. I needed bait.”
Rooster gulps.
“How the hell do you lose a speeding short old man on wheels and a six foot beanstalk!!” Jake shouts as he and Ice roam the streets. He turns to Ice.
Ice stares at his hands, muttering under his breath.
“Uh… Pops? You.. good?”
“...I don’t want pickles…” Jake raises an eyebrow.
“..I’m sorry?”
“Stop it ladies, I have a husband…”
“What the fuck??????” Jake wonders what caused this behavior, then realizes.
“So just the brownie and pretzel?”
“Yeah, thats it.”
“Can I see your ID please?” Jake blinks. What could they need his ID for?
Wow. Does he really look that young? He smiles as he hands the worker his ID.
“Have a good time with the brownie, sir.” Jake walks off, confused. Were the brownies really that good?
Oh…. “ Fuck .”
Ice giggles as he stumbles.
Rooster holds his hands up as the ‘opp’ points his gun at him.
“Why don’t we talk about this? What did my dad even do to you?” Opp scoffs.
“That bitch ruined my entire life! Y’know, this gave me an idea.” He waves his gun in Rooster’s direction, “Why don’t I show that little rat how it feels to lose everything.”
Rooster’s eyes widen for a moment before he shuts them tightly in anticipation, but no shot ever comes as the sound of wheels from above alerts them, and Bradley has never been less happy because of his dad’s endless energy.
His dad, appearing like an angel in his nightmares, leaps off of a building, still in those damn skates, flipping and landing directly on Opp, sending them to the ground and Opp’s gun flying out of his hands.
Maverick grins as Opp growls. “Rats can’t fly, dumbass! ” Punching him in the nose, Rooster watches and cheers Mav on as he goes on to beat Opp’s ass.
“Gang, where are you!” Jake calls out as he and Ice (albeit uselessly ‘helping’,) continue to look for Maverick and Rooster. Ice giggles again, Jake gritting his teeth as Ice is starting to get on his nerves.
“High Ice, can you at least help me find Mav and Rooster? I know I fucked up with the brownie but your husband is probably getting into trouble again.”
Ice looks at him, bewildered. Then he seems to come to some sort of conclusion, shaking his head and snickering as he says, “Moles and trolls, moles and trolls.”
“What???”
“You’ll understand when you’re taller. Or perchance, when gravity reverses itself.”
Jake blankly stares at him. “Perchance????? You can’t just say perchance.”
Ice laughs, eyes red.
“Well, that was fun!” Maverick jumps off of Opp’s battered body, knuckles bruised and bleeding.
“Yeah.. sure..!” Rooster walks up to him, nudging aside the gun still on the ground.
“Let’s go find Ice and Jake.”
“GANG WHERE ARE YOU!!!” Jake shouts into traffic, many people looking his way in confusion. He might be at his actual wit’s end at this point, but having to deal with not only the fact that his father and brother figure are who knows where getting hunted by an “opp”, in Mav’s words, but also having to take care of his other father figure that so happens to be on drugs.
Yes, he acknowledges the fact that the last problem is entirely his fault, but he didn't know that his Pops was the giggly type.
“I’m hungry,” Ice whines. Jake wishes he had eaten that godforsaken brownie instead.
“There, are you happy now?” After relocating their car finally, and stealing the keys from his Pops, Jake sits in the driver's seat as they sit in a parking lot.
Ice hums as he munches on hot cheetos, smiling wider than he ever has in public.
After banging his head on the steering wheel a few times, Jake steps out of the car for fresh air, internally thankful he put all Ice’s snacks on his credit card.
Sighing heavily, he slides to the ground as he holds his head in his hands.
Where in the hell could his Dad and Roo be?
“Jake?” He jumps, lifting his head to the voice.
Standing above him, Maverick and Rooster look down at him concerned. But Jake might be more concerned because holy fuck Mav got into a fight, his hands look fucked , and his hair looks like he stuck his head out of an F-18. They both also still have their fucking skates on.
He slumps against the car, exhausted. “Holy fuck, you have no idea how hard my day’s been.”
Rooster raises his eyebrow, unconvinced. “We almost died. ”
“And I accidentally got Ice high.” The two freeze, and look up into the window to see Ice giggling to himself and mumbling about bunnies and cyanide.
Rooster’s jaw drops as Mav lets out a shocked laugh, “Holy shit, it’s just as I remembered.”
“What do you mean by that?? Have you gotten him high before?”
Mav walks over to the passenger’s side door, “Yeah, but it was decades ago. He swore off it, but I guess not even the Iceman can evade weed.” He opens the door and Ice stares at him mesmerized. “Hey, honey.”
“Woah…” Mav laughs as he kisses Ice on the cheek. “Come on, let's get you home.”
Jake attempts to hype himself up, before facing the music and entering his Pops’ and Dad’s room.
Ice is sat up in the bed, clearly having been waiting for him.
“Hey…Pops..! How are you…doing..?”
Ice glares at him, unimpressed.
“Look, I’m sorry I accidentally drugged you, but I feel like the word we should be focusing on is accidentally. ”
“ I think the word we should be focusing on is sorry, because you should be. ”
“...If it helps, you are a terrible person to take care of when they’re high.”
“It does, actually.”