Archive of Our Own

"As you can see from your maps, we are approaching the Hall of Supreme Harmony, directly ahead of us. As the largest hall in the palace, it was used for important imperial functions…"

The monotonous voice of the tour guide breezed across Haruka's consciousness, but he had stopped paying attention. The sun beat down through the haze onto the streets of the Forbidden City, and he was sweaty and irritated. Beside him, in aviator sunglasses and a ball cap, Rin also seemed to have lost interest in their guided tour. He had pulled out his phone and was playing with it, swiping different filters over a photo he'd taken of one of the indeterminate, imposing buildings they'd already seen. Haruka had been impressed and fascinated for the first half hour, but as it became clearer that the remaining tour would be more of the same dull narration and plodding crowd, the whole thing had lost some of its charm.

Around them, a group of four dozen tourists, the entire Japanese men's national swim team included, shuffled dutifully behind their diminutive guide, who droned historical and cultural factoids into a feedback-prone yellow megaphone. Some of their fellows snapped photos, while others followed along in the tour brochures.

"SEE CHINA! ALL THE SIGHTS IN THREE DAYS" proclaimed the front of one, popping into Haruka's peripheral vision. He wondered, not for the first time, whether it were actually possible to see all the sights in even a small town, let alone a vast country as enormous as China, in only three days. Somehow he doubted it.

Haruka realized he'd been watching Rin instead of the tour when his companion looked up from his phone at him. Annoyed that he couldn't discern Rin's expression behind the sunglasses and hat, Haruka turned his head to squint out at another vast compound of palatial old buildings, feigning interest in the narration. It was incredible how a bland tour could suck the enjoyment out of it all.

"Oi, Haru," Rin muttered. Haruka glanced back over. "Let’s ditch this crowd. Xu Yang just texted me back, he wants to meet up for lunch."

When Haruka only frowned slightly, Rin sighed. "Xu, 400 meter butterfly. He beat Tanaka by a quarter second in the finals."

"Oh. I remember him," replied Haruka. "He wants to meet us for lunch?"

"Yeah," said Rin, keeping his voice conspiratorially low. "I saw the itinerary for the tour this morning - it's going to be in the Forbidden City and Tiananmen Square until noon, then it's going to some buffet somewhere for lunch, and then the bus is rolling out from over near the Imperial Palace at 1:30. We totally have time to meet him, it's only quarter to 11."

"Are you sure?"

"Is that a yes?"

"…It doesn't matter to me."

"Alright, I'll tell him we're coming. What do you want for lunch?"

Before Haruka could respond, Rin cut him off. "Never mind. I don't think they have mackerel with miso in Beijing, Haru."

***

The narrow roads of the hutongs had a very different feel to the grandeur of the Forbidden City or the tidy Olympic Green area around the National Aquatics Center. Rin and Haruka stumbled out of the pedicab that dropped them in the general vicinity of the address on Rin’s phone, and set to work figuring out which branch of the alleys would bring them to the restaurant Xu had suggested.

It took some arguing and wandering, but eventually the two of them managed to find Xu waiting for them outside a little red doorway in an unassuming earth-colored painted brick wall.

“Hello!” he greeted them brightly in English.

“Hey,” replied Rin with a grin, all irritation from the search forgotten.

Haruka inclined his head. “Hello,” he said, enunciating carefully.

“Let’s eat here,” said Xu, also in English, and from that point out Haruka understood very little of Rin and Xu’s rapid-fire conversation. Neither he nor Rin knew any meaningful amount of Mandarin, and Xu didn’t speak Japanese, but all of them had at least a little English in common. Haruka felt a familiar sense of irritation tinged with embarrassment, and decided he’d ask Rin to teach him some more English phrases when they got back to the bus.

Lunch, in what turned out to be an authentic hole-in-the-wall family hot pot establishment, was impressive. The trio shared the specialty dish, which featured bok choy, tofu, spicy chili broth, noodles, and both mutton and fish. As they ate, Xu pointed to Haruka and to the fish, and then to Rin and the meat slices, and made some joke that amused Rin. In retaliation, Haruka selected a slice of meat out of the simmering broth with his chopsticks and popped it in his mouth, blinking at Rin while he ate it.

“Just to spite me, huh?” snorted Rin.

Haruka took a sip of his tea, both to hide his smirk and to cleanse his palate.

They made their way through the leisurely meal, which was a bit spicy for Haruka’s tastes but very flavorful. He mostly sat and observed while they discussed what he assumed was swimming. Every so often he caught the name of a stroke, or a teammate, or a city, and at one point Rin definitely said 'Makoto,' so Haruka interjected at their next pause.

“What about Makoto?”

“Oh, you caught that? I was talking about him teaching swim lessons back in Tokyo. Xu says he’s thinking about retiring from pro swimming and going into teaching after the Olympics. Here, I might have saved that pic Makoto texted me from his morning class, let me see if I can pull it up to show Xu…”

Rin pulled out his phone, swiped to unlock it, and then frowned. A few swipes later, and his face blanched.

“What?” asked Haruka. “What is it?”

He leaned forward to look at the screen for himself. In addition to a string of missed calls and text messages from various teammates, the clock face glowed brightly in the dim light of the eatery.

13:24. They were going to miss their bus.

***

Xu quickly settled their tab and helped them navigate out of the tangle of alleyways and onto the nearest Central Business District thoroughfare to hail a cab, but it was too late. As Rin stood with his arm out, frantically yelling, “Taxi!” Haru took the phone out of Rin’s pocket.

There was a message on the lock screen.

Tateyama
13:35
yoooo where are u??? bus is leaving dude I am not joking

As he held it, it chirped, and another message took that one’s place.

Tateyama
13:39
dude we just pulled out and I think we’re headed for the highway

And then another.

Yoshimoto
13:40
hey coach says he doesn’t care what you do between now and then but if you aren’t in shanghai for the expo on tues you’re both off the team. I don’t think he’s joking

Yoshimoto
13:40
unclear where we’re headed right now

Just as Rin’s efforts paid off and a car slowed by the curb, Haruka pulled his sleeve. “No, Rin. It’s too late.”

“What are you -”

Haruka shoved the phone in his face and backed over towards where Xu was standing, watching in awkward shared anxiety for the situation. He crossed his arms and sighed. It was too late to worry about it now, though he doubted that would deter Rin.

The annoyed driver cursed out his window and sped away to find other custom, while Rin’s temper got the best of him and he yelled, mostly at himself, on the sidewalk. Haruka hung back to give him space to vent, and turned to Xu.

“So sorry,” he said awkwardly.

Xu shook his head. “My fault. I didn’t watch the time.”

Fuming as he returned to his companions, Rin sank down to a crouch, leaning against the fence behind them. He sighed and rolled his eyes up to look at Haruka. “Well? Any bright ideas?”

Haruka considered. He turned to Xu. Hesitantly, he said, “We… go… to Shanghai. Three days. By train?”

Xu nodded. “There is a train to Shanghai from Beijing, yes. Do you want to go there now?”

Haruka tried to respond. “Three… days. Oi, Rin.”

Rin’s response was complex, but Haruka concentrated and was able to understand most of the exchange that followed.

“Haru’s saying we don’t have to be there until Tuesday, Xu. I’m not sure what the hell we’re supposed to do until then, though. The team managed all our overnight stays and meals through this tour company. We’re basically stranded. They’ve got our bags and everything.”

“Oh no. I’m so sorry! I wish you could stay with me but it’s just one room and I share it with my girlfriend. But can I make some calls, and see if you can stay with one of the other guys from the team?”

“Thank you,” said Rin, sounding exhausted. “That would be great.”

“Sorry for the trouble,” said Haruka, as Xu pulled out his own phone and the trio began walking back into the hutongs to get away from the noise of the street.

Beside him, he heard Rin chuckle in surprise. “What?” he asked, turning his head.

“Nothing,” said Rin. “You’ve been practicing, that’s all.”

Haruka felt the heat press closer around him. He kept walking.

***

As the sun set, Haruka and Rin sat perched on the edge of the sofa in an apartment on the other side of the city. An air conditioner hummed on the wall, bringing the room to a warm but tolerable temperature.

Their new host, Yang Liu, was not on the Chinese swim team. He was a university buddy of Xu’s, and he happened to have a free couch and no girlfriend.

“I really appreciate you letting us stay with you,” said Rin earnestly. “I hope we’re not imposing.”

“No problem,” Yang replied, grinning and offering them each tea. Haruka took the hot cup and nodded his thanks. “My English, not very good.” Then he asked Rin a question in Mandarin that Haruka didn’t understand at all, and Rin made a short, halting reply.

“Dui buqi….”

Yang’s grin broadened. “No problem!” he said again. “Let’s do our best.” He clapped Rin on the shoulder, hard. Rin knocked forward, startled, splashing his tea, and Haruka snorted into his cup.

“Thank you,” said Haruka after taking a sip, looking up at Yang, who was returning the six steps over to the stove from the couch. He considered for a moment, and then added, “Xie xie.”

“Zhen bang!” exclaimed Yang, totally incomprehensibly, cheerfully tidying up his tiny kitchenette. The apartment was roughly the same size as Haruka’s studio in Tokyo, which was to say, not very large. It didn’t feel cramped, though, and was sparsely decorated in pleasant colors.

Haruka sipped his tea and watched Rin examine the room from the couch. To their left, the visible corner by the plate window held a bed and bookshelf. It was separated from the rest of the apartment by a partial-wall divider, on the other side of which was the stove, sink, and refrigerator. The sofa faced the cooking area, with a short coffee table between them, and the bathroom and entryway were to their right. It was compact. Haruka wondered where they were going to sleep. He wondered whether Rin were wondering the same thing.

Rin cleared his throat. “Hey Yang. About tonight…”

Called it, thought Haruka.

“Yes!” replied Yang, wiping his hands and then returning to sit between them on the couch. He pulled a magazine off the coffee table, flipped it open to the back, and pointed to a listing.

“Tonight,” he said, by way of explanation. “My friend. Let’s go!”

“I… oh, okay,” said Rin, clearly having been misunderstood. “Yeah, definitely, let’s go. But I was wondering…”

“Ah! So sorry! Hungry? Yes?” asked Yang, interrupting. “Let’s eat. Good food, not far. Then we see my friend!”

“...Right. Perfect. Thanks, Yang.”

***

Haruka crunched the last of the battered fried fish he’d picked up from the food stall around the corner from Yang Liu’s apartment building. He carefully licked the sweet-and-sour sauce off his fingers, and discarded the paper.

“How was it?” asked Rin, finishing a kebab.

“Weird,” replied Haruka. “But I liked it.”

Before Rin could make the comment he was grinning to deliver, Yang edged in between them and slapped a hand down on each of their shoulders. “All done? Yes? Let’s go!” He led them to the subway.

“So, where are you taking us?” Rin asked as they boarded the train towards Dong Zhi Men.

“My friend, work at a bar,” Yang explained. “We visit her.”

“What did he say?” Haruka asked Rin. He’d missed a few crucial words.

“He says his friend works at a bar, and we’re going to visit her.”

“We’re not supposed to be drinking.” He took a seat by a window.

“Yeah, well… I guess we’ll just have soda or something, then, won’t we?” said Rin, sliding in next to him. “It’ll still be interesting to go out. We’ve done nothing but travel and train lately. I mean, I admit that I usually do nothing but train anyway, but... I'm honestly feeling a little burnt out, you know? I could use some nightlife.”

Haruka thought about this. It was a vulnerable statement, coming from Rin. He decided not to press it. “What’s the team doing tonight?” he wondered aloud.

“Good question.” Rin pulled out his phone and opened his chat app. The train groaned into motion. Haruka turned his attention to Yang.

“What stop?” he asked. Yang smiled and pointed at the map.

The car swayed as dark tunnel speeded by the windows.

***

A dry breeze blew, carrying smog and cooking smells and the vestiges of the heat of the day. Haruka stifled a yawn and looked at his watch. It was nearly 11. His body could tell that it was midnight back home.

They rounded a corner, packed sidewalk illuminated by the colored lights of bar signs, and the low thump of a bassline emanated softly in the vicinity of a short queue. The three of them joined the end of the line. Haruka looked expectantly at Yang. A neon sign reading “PEACH” in Roman characters glowed above the entrance before them.

Yang seemed to be preoccupied by texting someone - maybe his friend inside? - and Rin’s phone display showed he was still checking in with their teammates. Haruka put his hands in his pockets and people-watched while they advanced slowly, line continuing to form behind them.

The patrons of this bar skewed young and stylish. It was a fairly mixed crowd, with clusters of young men in fitted polos alongside groups of women with either elaborate or austere haircuts. The thrum of the bass continued. Haruka kept close to Rin.

Presently, Rin turned off his screen and slid his phone back into his pocket. “Looks like it’s curfew for our comrades,” he remarked, an edge of a smirk creeping into his tone. “Apparently it took almost two hours to get to the Great Wall, with traffic as bad as it was, and then they didn’t really get to wander around - they basically took some photos and then got herded into gift shops. Sounds like we didn’t miss much! Anyway, by the time we got there, we would have missed them, so I guess we did the right thing by staying put.”

Haruka nodded. Good.

“Tateyama says they just arrived at the hotel, and Coach isn’t letting them out to explore. From the sound of it, everybody bussed all the way back into Beijing to the train station, and then our whole team and one of the tour guides split off and took the bullet train south to Shanghai.”

“We should too, right?”

“Hm?”

“Get the train in the morning.”

“Yeah, I still need to look up schedules. Probably first thing in the morning, though.”

At that moment, Yang turned around. They had shuffled their way to the front of the line. “Passports,” he requested pleasantly. Rin and Haruka each produced theirs, and handed them to Yang, who chatted animatedly with the bouncer examining the documents. From time to time Yang gestured at the two of them, and Haruka felt a pang of annoyance at his inability to understand. Rin fidgeted beside him, adjusting his ponytail, clearly trying to mask his own discomfort.

It didn’t last long. The bouncer handed back their IDs with a wink and a grin. Haruka didn’t have time to process this perplexing reaction, because Yang had a grip on his and Rin’s wrists, and was pulling them inside the club.

The dark humidity swallowed them in an overwhelming cacophony of chatter and electronic dance pop. Haruka immediately noticed two things. First, the air was thick with cigarette smoke, which he disliked. Second, there was an elevated, illuminated stage in the middle of the crowded dance floor ahead of them, and on it a very fit young man about his own age spun shirtless down a gleaming metal pole.

Haruka walked right into Rin, who had stopped short in front of him.

***

Pressed up against the sticky edge of the bar, Yang called over a bartender with a ponytail and an undercut. “Mei Mei!”

The woman’s head turned at his voice, sending her hair whipping over her shoulder. She laughed. “Liu Liuuuuuuu,” she crooned, followed by a flurry of chatter that Yang returned while Haruka stood, slightly bewildered, pressed close to a totally flustered-looking Rin, avoiding the worst of the jostling from the dancers.

The catwalk that extended from the narrow stage was thronged with revelers, offering bills to the glistening young man who gyrated against the pole. Two go-go girls danced on either end of the main stage, eliciting squeals from the young women who clustered nearby. Further back, patrons danced in a tightly packed mob, pressing against one another, occasionally bouncing into the throng waiting to be served at the bar. Above the front wall, facing the stage, was a mezzanine that looked like it offered seating and a view of the crowd. Haruka couldn’t get a good look above from where he stood, but he did have a pretty good vantage of this lower level. All around him, men held hands with other men, women danced close with other women, and a general air of the lifting of restrictions reigned over the space.

It wasn’t Haruka’s first time inside a gay bar, but for all he knew it might have been Rin’s. Most recently, Nagisa had visited Tokyo with a friend, and it had been Nagisa’s idea. Haruka rarely went out to bars at all, and had found the experience overall unremarkable, though Nagisa and his friend had seemed happy and at ease there. But that club had been an intimate izakaya-style space, with casual drinks and conversation. He’d been able to order tea and sashimi. Peach did not look like a tea and sashimi sort of establishment.

The bartender finished slinging the drinks she was working on and then scooted over to give Yang a kiss on either cheek. She seemed to be ribbing him, feigning sternness while he made shallow apologetic bows, and then she noticed Haruka and Rin. She turned to them and asked them a question that neither of them understood.

“No Mandarin,” explained Yang, speaking loudly to be heard over the music. “But good English.”

“Oh, do you speak English, then?” the woman asked brightly, turning to Rin. He looked an unlikely combination of alarmed and relieved.

“Yes,” he replied mechanically, “I’m Rin Matsuoka. Nice to meet you.”

“Matsuoka! Lovely! Nice to meet you as well. You can call me Mei Mei. Who’s your boyfriend?”

Rin, flabbergasted, blushed bright red and stammered out a non-answer. Haruka picked out the word “boyfriend” and could tell she was referring to him. Sensing a tactical opening, he leaned into Rin and took his hand.

“My name is Haruka Nanase,” he said, inclining his head. “Nice to meet you, Mei Mei.”

Mei Mei switched into Japanese, causing Yang to blink in confusion and Haruka’s head to spin from the abruptness. “Well, aren’t you adorable! First time out in Beijing? Liu told me he’d be bringing some stranded pretty boys from the Japanese National Swim Team along tonight.” She winked.

Yang clearly had no idea what was going on; nor, really, did Haruka. He was enjoying envisioning the steam pouring out of Rin’s ears as his circuits overloaded, though. In a bolt of inspiration, he said, “Rin-Rin and I are enjoying our visit.”

At this Rin flashed back into life, murderous, while Mei Mei beamed, clearly delighted. Through a mutinous smile, Rin added, “Yeah, Haru-chan was just telling me how much he liked the music.”

Haruka narrowed his eyes at Rin, but he’d probably had it coming. Misinterpreting their mutual antagonism for flirtation, Mei Mei laughed gleefully. She switched smoothly back into English.

“What’ll it be, boys? Drinks on the house.”

“Ah, thanks, that's very generous, but we're training for -”

“Mei Mei, me too?” asked Yang, grinning.

“No! You get enough free drinks around here, playboy. Here, I'll choose for you two from the house specials. I bet I can guess what you’ll like - it’s my special talent.” She turned and began pulling down bottles.

Rin continued to protest, halfheartedly, while Haruka began processing his earlier impulse to grab Rin's hand, a hand he still held in his own, palms gone slightly sweaty. He had done it to get a rise out of Rin, but also… he had wanted to. A desire he had never consciously buried came pushing to the surface of his mind: they could compete and bicker anywhere, anytime, he and Rin, and they generally did. But in this place and time, they could be openly affectionate in public, without worrying about repercussions. It was a liberating thought. Haruka looked at Rin.

“Rin. Tonight, I'm your boyfriend.”

Rin looked entirely out of his depth. “Haah?”

“There's no team here. These are strangers. It's okay here. Tonight, I can be your... boyfriend, like Mei Mei said.”

Rin’s face went very serious. He furrowed his brow as his cheeks colored darker. Haruka leaned forward and kissed him. It was the first time the two of them had ever been physically affectionate in public.

As Haruka pulled back, heart pounding in his chest, Mei Mei returned with a tray holding three glasses, which she distributed.

“Old Fashioned for Liu Liu, Hutong Highball for Matsuoka, and a SOHO Lagoon for Nanase. Enjoy!”

“Gan bei!” toasted Yang, raising his own glass to touch those held by Haruka and Rin. He downed his drink.

Rin held Haruka’s eyes for a long moment. His cheeks were still flushed, an effect heightened by his bright hair. At last he smiled wryly and raised his glass to toast, succumbing to the momentum of the evening. “Gan bei,” he said, and sipped from his drink.

Haruka lifted his own glass slightly, examining the vibrant blue hue and wedge of orange before bringing it to his lips. It tasted like summer.

***

Some small noise awakened Haruka. His brain worked for a moment before registering it as the click of a door closing. He slowly squinted his eyes open, discovered the room filled with sunlight, and immediately squinted them back closed. His head hurt. He curled on his side and pressed his forehead against the warmth of Rin’s chest.

Then it registered that he was entwined around Rin in a strange bed and a strange room, and he snapped out of sleep. His body jerked slightly, but as he began to sit up, Rin’s hand stroked his hair.

“Shhh,” murmured Rin. “You’re alright.”

Haruka froze. “Is… is this okay?”

“Yeah. It’s okay.”

Haruka untensed slowly. Rin hugged him in close, and he finally relaxed.

“What time is it?”

“Quarter to ten.”

Haruka groaned internally. “I thought we had to get the train first thing in the morning.”

“Nah. We’re taking the overnight this evening. We discussed it last night. Do you seriously not remember?”

“Not really.” Haruka’s low tolerance for alcohol was notorious among the National Team. Even so, it wasn’t that he had no recollection; rather, it seemed an unnecessary effort to dig through the whirl of the night’s events when he could just let Rin recapitulate for him.

“Mei Mei’s girlfriend, Xiu Ling, came by later in the evening. Her sister just had a baby, so she’s headed south tonight to visit her family outside Shanghai. We’re going to travel with her.”

“Oh.” Haruka snuggled closer into Rin’s arms.

Rin made a ‘tsk’ sound, but his voice came out all smiles. “I can’t believe you.”

“What.”

“Well, for starters, I can’t believe you don’t remember that conversation.”

“I probably stopped listening because you were being annoying.”

“Right. Because you’re not the lightest lightweight ever to lose his shit after two drinks.”

Haruka grunted, unconcerned. “I don’t remember what that drink was called but it was good. Mei Mei was right.”

“You told her that.”

“Oh. Good.”

“I also can’t believe,” said Rin, rolling over onto his back and pulling Haruka half across his chest, “that you pulled that fucking boyfriend stunt last night.”

In the past, Haruka might have bristled at these words, but they didn’t phase him now. “It wasn’t a stunt.”

“‘Rin-Rin’ wasn’t a stunt?”

“The rest of it wasn’t.”

Rin’s hand traced gentle circles along the small of Haruka’s back. After a pause, he said, “I was really surprised, you know?”

Haruka’s voice was muffled against Rin’s chest. “You shouldn’t have been. It’s not like we’ve never kissed or held hands before.”

“Yeah, but not in public.”

“Or made out, or had hours of - ”

“Okay, Haru, I get it, yes, but that’s always been a private thing. It’s always been… I dunno, secret.”

“The team wasn’t there last night.”

“Right, but -”

“There was nobody to get mad. I would be like that with you all the time if it were okay.”

Rin’s hand paused. “Haru…” But whatever he was about to say, he thought better of it. He kissed the top of Haruka’s head.

They lied lazily wrapped around one another as the sunbeam gradually crossed the pull-out sofa mattress on which they sprawled. Presently, Haruka’s stomach growled.

“Rin,” he muttered. “I’m hungry.”

“Yeah,” said Rin. “I’m famished. I would have gone out to get breakfast, I just…” He paused, laughing softly. “I didn’t want to end this moment.”

Haruka nuzzled his head against Rin’s shoulder. “We can have other moments.”

He felt the laugh that vibrated Rin’s chest. “Yeah. We sure can.”

***

Day two of free roaming in Beijing got off to a late but enjoyable start. Yang had risen early that morning, worked quietly at his computer for a couple hours, and quit the apartment around 9:30 to head into his office and deal with a few matters that couldn’t wait until Monday. Even Rin had been impressed at his chipper morning demeanor, after the late night before. But Yang regularly partied hard, and Rin and Haruka decidedly did not. It made sense.

Neither Haruka nor Rin had their overnight bags, which meant no toiletries or changes of clothes, and they both smelled unfortunately of stale tobacco and sweat. Fortunately, Yang had left them a note to feel free to use his soap and shampoo, and even put out a couple of worn-in old track and field t-shirts for them to take. Rin snorted when Haruka selected the one with the team’s mascot on it. They got cleaned up, Haruka foregoing his customary long morning soak as the shoebox apartment lacked a tub, and Rin wrote Yang a reply thank-you note, depositing his spare key in the mailbox on their way out.

After a late café breakfast of rice porridge and steamed buns with wulong tea, Rin had suggested they rent a couple of bicycles to explore the city, and Haruka had agreed. They rolled through the hutongs looking into little shops and cafes, found souvenirs for Gou and Makoto, had Peking duck for lunch, and wound up at a kung fu show matinee for an exciting couple of hours. As dusk began to fall, Rin told Haruka he had something to show him, and they headed north.

The something turned out to be the National Aquatics Center where their team had competed two days prior. It was known colloquially as the Water Cube, for its square shape and soap bubble texture, and Rin had Haruka grab a seat beside him on a bench to watch its sides illuminate in rolling changing colors while dark overtook the Olympic Green.

They watched in silence. It really was a beautiful sight. Haruka would have liked to reach out to Rin, but he kept his hands folded in his lap and maintained the space between them on the bench. Presently, Rin checked his watch.

“We should go,” he said, sounding regretful.

“Alright,” said Haruka, rising from the bench and stretching.

Rin took out his phone. “Here, humor me, will you?” He steered Haruka by the shoulder until they were standing side by side, with the glowing blue Cube behind them. Rin threw his arm around Haruka’s shoulder, and Haruka felt better immediately. It didn’t take much - with that small touch, the experience felt right at last.

He still feigned irritation when Rin snapped his selfies of the two of them, but by the third picture Haruka was definitely smiling.

***

Zhang Xiu Ying was waiting by the ticket machines when they arrived, slightly out of breath. “Sorry we’re late,” Rin apologized. “We had some trouble returning our rental bicycles.”

“It’s alright,” Xiu Ying said, smiling. She spoke in lilting Japanese, lightly accented, perhaps for Haruka’s benefit. Her brown hair was down, brushing the shoulders of her burgundy blazer, a conservative look compared to what she'd worn to the club the night before. “We’ve got some time before our train leaves. It should be pulling up soon to board. Do you want me to help you with the ticket machine?”

“God, yes,” replied Rin, and Xiu Ying laughed. She navigated the menus rapidly, and after a moment she asked, “Do you want second-class seats or soft sleeper tickets?”

“What’s the difference?” asked Haruka.

“Well, you can sleep in reclined chairs for about 300 yuan, or you can have a room with bunk beds for 700.”

The two of them paused for a moment to do the currency exchange math in their heads. “That’s a pretty big difference,” was Haruka’s eventual, doubtful reply.

“We’ll take the soft sleeper tickets,” Rin said to Xiu Ying. Haruka regarded him questioningly. Rin’s face was determined. Xiu Ying looked back and forth between the two of them. Haruka shrugged, and she gave a small smile.

“If it makes you feel better, I got a sleeper ticket too. It makes a big difference on a long ride.” She punched through another series of menus.

“Okay, almost done. You two want to go straight through to Shanghai, right?”

“Yeah, I think so,” said Rin. “Why, isn't that where you’re going?”

“No,” said Xiu Ying. “I’ll be getting off before the city. My brother-in-law is going to pick me up. He and my sister live in our childhood hometown, a little water town called Xitang, about an hour and a half outside Shanghai.”

Haruka felt a prickle of interest at one crucial detail in her story. “Water town?”

“Yes,” explained Xiu Ying, “there are ancient water towns all over the area. Xitang is built around a system of bridges and canals, and the buildings are all very old. My brother-in-law runs a gondola business in the touristy part of town. Of course, my sister works in a dentist’s office, which is less romantic, but it’s still a very beautiful place. I’m looking forward to going back for a few days, and to meeting my new niece!”

Haruka’s eyes widened. A water town, with canals and gondolas, was certainly a sight he’d never seen before. He caught Rin’s eyes and stared at him intently. Rin looked startled, and then puzzled, and then comprehending, and then defeated, and finally accepting. He turned back to their new friend.

“Xitang sounds amazing, Xiu Ying. Do you think we might trouble you to come along? No harm if it’s putting you or your family out, we wouldn’t want to -”

“Oh, please do come along! My brother-in-law will be picking me up in a company van, so there’s more than enough room for you two to come as well. There’s really nothing else in the world like the water towns. You won’t regret it.”

“Thank you!” Rin turned to Haruka, whose eyes shone. A whistle blew.

“Oh, shoot,” said Xiu Ying, “that’ll be our train. We’ve got about fifteen minutes. Here, hand me your cash.”

The machine dispensed their tickets, and they made their way briskly to the platform.

***

They passed the first hour of their journey in the dining car, chatting with Xiu Ying about her life. She worked for the Beijing office of an international women’s health nonprofit, where she communicated with people from all over the world. She and Mei Mei had met at Peking University, where they were both studying languages and business. Mei Mei had switched to a journalism concentration and was working nights at Peach to support her nascent writing career and her last year of studies. Xiu Ying, a few years older, was doing well for herself and was able to pay for the apartment they shared.

“We are… ‘roommates’,” she said, smiling wryly, as though it were their shared inside joke. “To be honest, I wish it could be more than that, but still… we are very lucky.”

Haruka nodded. He and Rin would probably drive one another crazy within days if they cohabitated, but the idea of coming home to someone like that sounded… comforting, really, especially after all his years of living in an empty house.

“Is it hard? Visiting your sister and her husband?” he asked. Rin looked surprised at Haruka’s question. Xiu Ying looked thoughtful.

“You know… it is, a little bit, only because I know that even if Mei Mei and I stay together for the rest of our lives, we can never be open about it, and it will never be legitimate. I want to be able to stand with my family and say, this is Mei, the woman I love. Ah, I shouldn’t say never. Things are changing quickly these days, all over the world. And I love my sister, and her husband is a hard-working, kind man. I just wish we could share our life with them.”

Haruka absently skirted his hand across the plastic-upholstered bench seat until his fingers just brushed Rin’s. “You will,” he finally said, certainty in his voice. “You’re not a person who gives up easily.”

Xiu Ying smiled and sipped at her ginger tea. “Thank you,” she said softly.

***

“Ow, Haru, come on, watch your elbows -”

“Stop moving so much. I can't see.”

The soft sleeper cabin was extremely narrow, with just enough room to stand next to the bed with the sliding door closed. Haruka had climbed into the upper level, which was very small, and drawn open the curtains. The countryside was dark, and the stars and moon overhead were brilliant. “Rin. Look.”

Somehow they both fit, sitting with heads ducked for the low ceiling. They had pressed their faces close to the glass like children at a toy shop window, breath making circles of condensation as they gazed out at the lights. Haruka had felt Rin’s hand find his own, and he had laced their fingers together. For a while, they had just sat in silence, watching the dark landscape scroll by. Then Haruka had climbed out to brush his teeth with his new Beijing mascot souvenir toothbrush and shut off the light, which meant having to get back into the bunk in the dark.

“Scoot over.”

“I’m already practically lying against the glass!”

“I’m going to fall out.”

“No, you’re not, that’s what that bar is for. Come on.” Rin shifted minutely closer to the window. “I sacrificed my bottom bunk privileges for you. Get in here.”

Haruka slid himself onto the mattress, pressed close against Rin’s back. He exhaled deeply, relaxing against Rin, as they settled into one another. He laid one arm across Rin’s chest, and pillowed the other under his head so he could still see out the window. With the cabin lights out, the reflection of the moon shone brilliantly on a lake that the train was passing. Clouds had begun to cover the stars.

Haruka nuzzled the back of Rin’s neck absently, content to be close to him again, and gave his nape a kiss. Rin sucked in his breath. Haruka suddenly felt less sleepy. He kissed Rin’s neck again, more deliberately this time, and Rin curved into it. When Haruka let his teeth skirt the skin at the meeting of shoulder and neck, Rin’s whole body shuddered.

“Haru…” he whispered. Haruka bit him harder.

The cabin door didn’t lock properly, nor did it reach the floor, and it provided approximately no noise insulation, nor did the thin cabin divider walls. Somebody in the sleeper cabin on their left was snoring audibly. Circumstances were not ideal, but…

Rin took Haruka’s hand and brought it down to his lap. Haruka felt him growing hard under his shorts.

“Here I was, trying to behave myself,” muttered Rin, “and you had to go and wind me up anyway.”

Haruka licked at Rin’s earlobe. “I’ll take responsibility.”

Rin snorted and then gasped, as Haruka’s hand slipped into his boxers. He was clearly trying to keep quiet, and doing a pretty good job of it, until Haruka moved his other arm from below his head and brought it down to grip Rin’s waist, pulling their hips together. Rin planted one hand against the glass and the other over his mouth. Haruka rubbed his own hardness against Rin’s backside, prompting Rin to arc up against him with a little moan. Rin uncovered his mouth.

“God, it’s been too fucking long…”

Haruka nodded his reply against Rin’s shoulder, stroking and grinding against him. He bit Rin’s nape again, hard, and Rin’s hand clapped back into place, barely stifling a hungry whimper.

It wasn’t long before Haruka was whispering Rin’s name, while Rin breathed “don’t stop.” Rin bucked and came quietly, followed shortly by Haruka, muffling his gasps into the mattress. They panted for a few long moments, and then Rin pulled off his shorts, used them to clean himself off, balled them up, and tossed them to the floor. Haruka followed suit.

“Glad we bought that four-pack,” remarked Rin, flopping back down, landing halfway on top of Haruka. It took some adjusting before they were both comfortable again, but neither of them made any motion to split off for the bottom bunk.

Drifting into sleep, Haruka muttered, “Hotel room. Next trip. Then you can make as much noise as you want.”

“Idiot,” replied Rin fondly, with a yawn. A few raindrops began to mark the glass beside him. They kept the curtains open and slept with the rolling hills beside them, the rain over their heads, and Rin wrapped in Haruka’s arms.

***

5:30 am saw them off the train and into the second row of bench seats in a shiny white van, while Xiu Ying sat in the passenger seat and chatted pleasantly with her brother-in-law. Haruka remembered little of the drive; he drowsed on Rin’s shoulder, lulled by the bump of the van over the roads and the metallic drone of the rain on the roof.

Xitang was every bit as beautiful as Xiu Ying had described, although she apologized profusely for the inclement weather.

“No, this is perfect,” said Rin. “It’ll keep the crowds away. Besides, Haru’s a weirdo. He likes the rain.”

Haruka purchased a clear umbrella with fish printed on it at a souvenir shop, and they parted ways with Xiu Ying, who invited them to lunch with her family later.

“Everyone has been so friendly,” remarked Haruka, opening his new umbrella and stepping out into the rainshower.

“I think we’ve been meeting the right people,” said Rin, joining Haruka underneath.

The tree-lined waterfront paths, the bridges, the old-style homes and shops, the ancient architecture - it combined to create an enchanting atmosphere. Factoring in the ubiquitous canals and waterways, and the sheen of the rain along the storefronts and tree trunks and tile roofs and cobblestones, it left Haruka at a loss for words. Rin must have felt similarly, for he said very little as they wandered and explored, other than to point out things that caught his eye. They bought hot jasmine tea at a cafe and carried it around with them as they strolled. Rin took a lot of pictures on his phone.

In the afternoon, they did make their way to Xiu Ying’s sister’s house, and shared a meal with the family. Baby Jia Li was a good-natured child, and did not fuss when Rin held her.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve held a baby since my sister was born. I was pretty small myself, then!”

“You’re doing a wonderful job,” Xiu Ying said, smiling. “You remembered to support the head. That’s very important.”

Haruka did not want to hold the baby, but he did play with her, holding up her toy rabbit for her to grab at. When he pulled the bunny out of her reach, she grabbed a finger on his other hand instead.

“Strong,” said Haruka, startled by the child’s grip.

Xiu Ying laughed and took Jia Li back to return to her sister. “All the women in this family are strong.” She said something in Mandarin to her sister, who laughed as she settled the baby into one arm and flexed the other playfully.

Haruka nodded seriously. Rin chuckled at him.

When they were leaving, Xiu Ying’s brother-in-law suggested a sightseeing tour from his gondola livery. They accepted his offer but insisted on paying full fare - their gondolier would have to take them around in the rain, after all.

The boat slid through the channels like a koi darting about, light and effortlessly, its red lantern swinging gently. The gondolier sang as she poled the boat through the water, regaling them with folk songs as was traditional in this area. Haruka dragged his fingers in the cool water, which parted between them like ribbons of emerald glass, pitted all over with raindrops. He consoled himself that he would be able to swim again tomorrow, though the desire to slip over the side of the boat itched under his skin. Rin sat on a separate bench seat, still canopied by the gondola’s low roof, smiling in wonderment at the bridges and leafy branches that passed overhead.

“You know who would love this?” he offered, at length. “Rei. Can you imagine?”

Haruka nodded. He certainly could.

“‘Beauuuutiful!!’” cried Rin suddenly, gesturing broadly to the trees in an exaggerated impression of their aesthetically-inclined friend. The gondolier laughed, pausing in her singing. Rin took out his phone to send Rei a video. He made Haruka pose for another photo of the two of them. Haruka flashed a peace sign, and the gondolier smiled in the background.

They disembarked near a covered walkway that ran alongside one of the canals. Looking for an easy snack, they discovered a stand selling deep-fried fermented bean curd, which neither of them had tried before. Rin bought a little bag of the strong-smelling tofu and they found a couple of chairs under the cover of the walkway roof to sit in while they ate it and watched the rain on the canal.

Haruka eyed the food dubiously. Rin extracted a chunk, dipped it in the chili sauce, and popped it in his mouth. He made some odd faces while chewing, but pronounced it “not bad.” Reaching back into the bag, he selected another piece, dipped it, and held it out towards Haruka.

“Say ‘aaah.’”

Haruka fixed Rin in an unamused gaze, but he did open his mouth. He closed it quickly, so that his lips caught Rin’s fingers as he pulled them away. Rin blushed immediately. “Oi,” he warned. Haruka smirked, savoring the flavors and Rin’s flushed cheeks. The tofu tasted better than it smelled. They shared the rest of the bag, looking out at the water, side by side.

The rain picked up. Soon it was pouring. Though sheltered, the sidewalk was deserted. The downpour clattered over their heads and hissed on the river. Slowly, incrementally, Haruka allowed himself to lean sideways until his head rested on Rin’s shoulder. He stayed there a few moments, and then gradually sat back up.

Rin didn’t look at him. After a pause, he mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

Haruka didn’t understand the apology. “For what?”

Rin exhaled. “For not… for us having to… I just want you to be able to rest your head on my shoulder and watch the rain and not have it be a thing. I… I’m sorry it’s a thing, is all.” He looked away.

“Rin.” Haruka addressed him softly. Rin turned his head and met Haruka’s eyes.

“It won’t be. It won’t be a… a thing, not forever.”

Rin frowned.

“After the Olympics. Once we've proved ourselves. Maybe they won’t watch us so closely after that.”

Rin crossed his arms. “I wouldn’t count on it.”

Haruka looked back at the river. They sat side by side, while the sky grew lighter and the pounding over their heads grew quieter and more sporadic, and Haruka thought about the future. He thought about swimming and he thought about Rin, and then he said, quietly, “Free.”

Rin’s head snapped to look at him, just for a moment. Then he looked back at the water. His eyes were thoughtful.

At length, the rain passed completely. Outside the awning, the rough-hewn paver stones began to steam as the late-afternoon sun burned through the clouds. Rin looked at his watch.

“We should head to the bus.”

Haruka nodded and rose from his seat. He reached out a hand to pull Rin up. As he got to his feet, Rin stumbled - or feinted a stumble, anyway, because as he righted himself, he snuck a surreptitious brush of his lips on Haruka’s cheek. Haruka blinked in surprise.

“Whoops,” Rin said with a mischievous smirk. He looked pleased with himself as he began to walk away, still grasping Haruka’s fingers. “Come on.”

Haruka rolled his eyes, but he followed Rin.

***

The bus dropped them at Shanghai South Bus Terminal as dusk descended onto the city.

“Where’s the team?” Haruka asked, noting that Rin was looking through chats on his phone.

“They’re getting food together near the hotel,” Rin replied. He continued scrolling, distracted. Then he looked up, his eyes hesitant. “Do you want to go meet them right away? Or do you… do you maybe want to have a little more time with… that’s just us?”

Haruka frowned, considering. Rin backtracked.

“I mean, I haven’t told anybody we’ve gotten in yet, just that they should expect us tonight. We can go catch up with the team now if you want to, it’s right off the subway -”

“Rin.”

Rin paused.

“Was there something you wanted to do together?”

Rin met his eyes and then looked away. “Well… kind of.”

Haruka nodded. “Let’s go. Together. We’ll meet the team later.”

They got on the subway and headed towards the river. One might be forgiven for not noticing the onset of night, Haruka thought, as they climbed the stairs out of the tunnel. The entire city of Shanghai was brilliant with dazzling lights. It reminded him of Shibuya after dark.

It was sprinkling again when they made it to the Bund, but Haruka didn’t open his umbrella. The drizzle was refreshing in the muggy heat. The wide stone sidewalk by the Huangpu river was full of tourists milling about, avoiding several groups of middle-aged residents doing synchronized dances to music that played from small boomboxes. It was bizarre.

“What are they dancing for?” he asked Rin.

“Beats me,” Rin replied, taking a video of one group who stepped and fluttered their arms to a tinny orchestral march. “Maybe there’s a festival, or maybe people just do group line dances in public all the time around here. Who knows?”

Haruka looked out across the water. Tall, pointed spires pierced the sky between broad rectangular buildings, all illuminated in lights of many colors. River cruise boats and ferries criss-crossed the dark water, and headlights streaked along the roadway beyond. The mist picked up into a light rain. Haruka shook out his hair idly, spattering droplets of water around him.

“Oi,” said Rin, wiping his cheek. Haruka turned his face to him.

Leaning against the cool stone handrail of the river promenade, surrounded by lights and music, with the water on one side of him and a milling crowd on the other, Haruka studied Rin: Rin, whose bangs hung wet on his cheeks; Rin, whose secondhand Beijing University track and field t-shirt was beginning to soak through in the shoulders; Rin, whose hand not gripping the railing was clenching and unclenching in a fist; Rin, whose achingly beautiful features were displaying a conflict that Haruka could not parse.

Absently, Haruka’s tongue darted out to wet his lower lip. Rin cursed, put a hand on Haruka’s cheek, and brought their mouths together.

Haruka was so startled that for a moment he didn’t react, but when Rin let go of the railing and cupped his face in both hands, Haruka surged forward into the kiss, meeting this challenge like any in the water, closing his eyes and bringing his hands to the small of Rin’s back. His fingertips curled into the fabric as Rin’s tongue worked its way into his mouth. It was an urgent kiss, nothing like the languid ones they had shared in the train car, and for the moments that it lasted Haruka genuinely forgot the world around them. Finally Rin pulled back incrementally, breathing shallowly, looking straight into Haruka’s eyes with something like fear. He turned his head to the crowd that milled past them, but no one was looking their way. In the shadows away from the lights of the banks and hotels, two young men kissing in the rain went unnoticed. Rin looked back at Haruka.

“Haru,” he said softly. “This is what I want with you.” He tucked a wet lock of hair behind his ear. “I want to travel with you. I want to race with you. I want to swim and see the world and I want to take you on dates, and I want to be able to kiss you in the rain and hold your hand while we walk and lean on you when we sit together.” His thumb stroked Haruka’s jaw. “I don’t want to keep you a secret.”

Haruka, searching for words, said nothing, though his heart raced. Rin gave a little half-smile. “Maybe that’s silly.”

“No,” blurted Haruka, more harshly than he intended. He lightened his tone. “No. It’s not silly. It’s important.”

Rin sighed and dropped his hands to his sides, still wearing his sad little smile.

“You can,” said Haruka. “You can kiss me and hold my hand. I don’t mind.”

“Right, but Haru, other people might.”

“I don’t care about other people.”

“Well -”

“I only care about you.”

Rin stopped talking. He swallowed, and then looked out at the water, furrowing his brows thoughtfully. Haruka mirrored his posture, leaning his elbows against the promenade handrail. At length, Rin cleared his throat. “Listen, Haru. I… I can’t say for sure what would happen if…” His voice trailed off.

Haruka reached out for Rin’s hand and took it in his own, laying their joined fingers against the stone. Rin looked at their hands, and then up at Haruka.

“...Is it really that easy?”

Haruka nodded.

“You know how people react to this kind of thing, don’t you?”

Haruka replied in English, for the second time that day, “Free.”

Rin pulled away and gave him a disbelieving, exasperated look. Then he started laughing. It seemed to hook into his nervous energy, because once he started he couldn’t stop. He held onto the railing as his shoulders shook and he gasped for breath, and as he sighed and wiped his eyes, he nodded and turned back to Haruka.

“Free,” he repeated. “You goddamn weirdo. Alright. Fuck it. Live freely. Maybe that’s the right attitude after all. Considering we’re two of the top swimmers in the country...”

“In the world,” corrected Haruka.

“In the world,” agreed Rin. “We deserve to be happy. Right?” He flashed a tentative smile at Haruka, as if trying to convince himself. Then he looked down at his hands. “Honestly, I… I guess I’ve been scared. No, no guess. I’ve been really scared. There’s just... so much riding on our public images, and it feels like our whole futures are at stake if we mess up. This life, swimming professionally and training for the Olympics, it's been my dream since I was little. You know that. I've wanted it for so long, and I finally have it, and I'm afraid I'll do something to fuck it up and lose it. But...” The rain dripped into his eyes and he paused to wipe it away. “I don't think that's right. Because you've been with me the whole way. I'm living my dream because of you, not in spite of you. I don't want you to be a secret, because I'm not ashamed of you. You're the most important person in my life, damn it. So fuck being afraid. Nothing changes if we run away from things just because we’re scared. And it’s not like I’m facing the world alone, if I’m with you.” He took a breath, looking embarrassed by his earnest speech but also quietly determined.

Haruka gazed at Rin. He wanted to speak, but he couldn’t find the words. Finally he managed, “I'm here because of you, too, Rin. We can face the future together.” It still didn't feel like enough, but it was a start.

Rin closed his eyes, exhaled, and let the tension leave his shoulders. They stood leaning on the stone for a moment, quietly sharing space, listening to the ambient din of pedestrians as the boats passed in the night.

“Rin,” Haruka asked, as the thought occurred to him, “why did you want to come to this place?”

“Ah, that…” said Rin, opening his eyes, blush visible even in the low light. He scratched the back of his head. “To tell the truth… well, it’s embarrassing, but I wanted one last sightseeing visit with just you, so I found a list of the most romantic spots in Shanghai, and with this one right by the water, I thought… you might…”

Haruka leaned over so their shoulders touched and he kissed Rin on the nose. Rin scrunched up his face. Haruka smiled.

“Thank you,” he said. “I like it.”

Rin looked out at the rain on the water again, feigning annoyance, though Haruka could tell he was pleased with himself. He checked his watch.

“Alright,” said Rin, stepping away from the railing, “I think we’ve kept the team waiting long enough. We’ve got an expo in the morning. Want to grab some food and head to the hotel? It’s walking distance from here.”

He smiled and held out his hand, and Haruka took it.